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00:00Hola.
00:07These days I spend more and more time in my Wiltshire home
00:12and the pub I own,
00:14thinking about all the big problems in the world
00:17and some smaller ones that annoy me.
00:21Luckily there's a place I can go to solve them all,
00:25or at least try.
00:28Right.
00:31It's here that I have the tools.
00:33Let's just saw some wood up.
00:35The tea.
00:37And a couple of other highly competent blokes.
00:41Very good. Brace yourself.
00:43Who've agreed to help me rid the world of problems.
00:46Is she getting the ticket out?
00:47Great.
00:48Dirty flight at us.
00:50And small.
00:51The cereal has gone soggy.
00:53I'll also have to take on other people's problems.
00:56What is wrong with Peter?
00:57He used to make a sound and now he doesn't.
01:00By which I mean the locals at my pub
01:02are always bringing me stuff to mend.
01:04Is it a train set?
01:06So join us and our excitable crew.
01:11Who will capture our endeavours.
01:14That was epic.
01:17As we create.
01:19Make.
01:20That feels like a terrible thing we've just done.
01:22Repair.
01:23So it's never worked.
01:24Not in my lifetime.
01:25And repurpose.
01:27In my shed load of ideas.
01:29What do you think?
01:30This is just brilliant.
01:34Here in Wiltshire I have time to reflect on those issues that concern us all.
01:48Such as how to preserve this beautiful landscape.
01:52The muse of England's poets and artists.
01:57The rustling hedgerow.
01:59The delightful babbling brook and the abject weeping willow.
02:04The heart of the idyll that nestles in the breast of every English man and woman.
02:09Oh and the fly tipping site.
02:11The blight of town and country alike.
02:14These people disgust me.
02:17There are over a million fly tipping incidents reported in the UK each year.
02:22And they cost local authorities hundreds of millions of pounds to tidy up.
02:28It's a huge problem.
02:30But no problem is too huge for me and my two very handy right hand men.
02:35My trusty engineer Sim with his big ideas.
02:38Some kind of pivot from this point anywhere between here and here.
02:43And my ever ready carpenter Tony the tool.
02:47Don't worry I'll just do everything over here.
02:50You carry on chatting.
02:51And so to my large and well equipped workshop where the very practical magic happens.
02:59So we've decided that our revenge on fly tippers should be poetic.
03:03It is a fly trap or a fly tipper trap if you like.
03:07Taking our inspiration from good old school fly paper.
03:12Which is this stuff.
03:13It's really like a very big piece of sticky paper.
03:16And you hang it up in your house.
03:17Flies fly into it because they're stupid.
03:19Their brains are absolutely minute.
03:21And they stick to it.
03:23Ha!
03:24And that's the end of them.
03:25So we want to do something similar but that acts on human beings.
03:29Which mean...
03:30Oh God.
03:31Which means we need a sticky substance that will trap them.
03:37We'll leave Simmy to search for something sticky enough to catch our human flies.
03:41As Tony and I move next door to start work on the actual trap.
03:46Now we have to devise the trap itself.
03:49How it will be...
03:50What would the trendy word be?
03:51Delivered.
03:52It's Tony's idea so Tony will explain.
03:57Collapsable cattle grid.
03:59Oh!
04:00So we take a sheet of eight by four.
04:02Yes.
04:03We build a frame around it.
04:06Two supports.
04:08All our sticky stuff in the middle here.
04:11Mm-hmm.
04:12Box section.
04:13Forming a grid.
04:16Holes.
04:18Attached by string.
04:21Go into two pulleys.
04:23And go that way to a single pulley.
04:28With a mechanism that pulls and collapses.
04:31Why is the cattle grid there?
04:32Is there a gate?
04:33To stop cattle.
04:34No, I know what it does.
04:36But it's not...
04:37Yeah, so it's a gate.
04:38Usually you dump it.
04:40Usually I've heard people who dump things.
04:42Dump it in a field.
04:44So the van pulls up.
04:46People get out with the sofa, say.
04:47And they walk across the cattle grid, which is positioned in front of a gate.
04:51And therefore is perfectly normal, because you get cattle grids in front of gates.
04:55They throw the sofa into the fly-tipping area.
05:00And it triggers a weighted mechanism.
05:02We haven't quite worked that bit out yet, have we?
05:04Which, through this pulley system, concertinas the cattle grid like a Venetian blind, exposing the sticky stuff.
05:13The panicking fly-tippers run back to their van through here and are stuck like flies on flypaper.
05:19That's basically it, isn't it?
05:21Easy.
05:22Right, so should we put this on the floor and do a bit of spacing out?
05:25Yeah.
05:29Let's just rough it out.
05:31Tony and I start laying out the steel rods that will eventually become our cattle grid.
05:36How far apart are the rails of a cattle grid?
05:40Does it depend on what sort of animals you've got?
05:43Because cows have got bigger paws than sheep, haven't they?
05:47Obviously, if you're making one for an elephant, you could make them a little bit further apart.
05:50Right, the dilemma is we have to balance authenticity, i.e. the spacing of the rails on the cattle grid, with the requirements of the mechanism.
06:02Because it's got to pull all these together over here.
06:06It's quite a weight, isn't it?
06:07Yeah.
06:08It's a lot of steel.
06:09I think that gap is too big, but it could be bigger than that one, which it will be when they're evenly spaced, so there's no getting around this, Tony.
06:15We're going to have to do a bit of arithmetic.
06:17So, for our 1,220mm wide cattle grid, we're going to need 10 bars, 107.7mm apart.
06:27Yes, this is an exact science.
06:30Oh, our arithmetic is spot on.
06:34Well, nearly.
06:36Nearly.
06:39OK.
06:40That's our cattle grid, correctly spaced out.
06:42Come in with the sofa.
06:47Yes, I think that's...
06:49You'd walk across it carefully, cos there's a cattle grid, cos you tend to walk carefully across a cattle grid.
06:55I think, yes, I think we'll get away with that.
06:58Let's mark out the board with the exact positions of our roofing battens.
07:04We can fix those in place.
07:05Mm-hm.
07:07And go from there.
07:08Right, so the concept looks good. We've just got to make the thing now.
07:15First, Tony and I construct the wooden base frame, keeping a close eye on our maths.
07:23Then we need a bit of help from Simi to cut the steel rods, so that Tony and I can drill very precise holes into them,
07:30which we'll thread rope through to collapse the grid, as long as we can keep up with Simi's exacting standards.
07:36That's to put a hole in the middle, right?
07:39I mean, look at that! How in the middle is that?
07:42All is proceeding at pace until...
07:46The problem is...
07:48Well, there's no easy way of putting this. It's Tony.
07:52Sim has spotted that the board isn't perfectly square.
07:56It's just that I didn't cut the factory edge off, cos we were rushing!
07:59I'll just recut these.
08:011,790, then.
08:03Or thereabouts.
08:05Thank you, Simi.
08:07And once you've squared off our mistakes, Tony and I thread the poles together with rope,
08:11which will make this cattle grid collapsible.
08:14Ow!
08:15What have you done to that?
08:17We're going to have to flame it again.
08:19And finally, we get to see if our cunning concertina plan actually works.
08:23In three, two, one...
08:28Oh!
08:30Oh, that works! It's beauty!
08:31It doesn't need that much force, either.
08:34Collapsible cattle grid success, but we still need to find some really sticky stuff to fill it with.
08:39We also have to drill all the remaining pieces, devise the weighted mechanism that will close this, and we have to take the whole thing to a secret location in the countryside, fill it with our gunk, and then wait.
08:53For now, though, we take a break from our war against fly tippers for a well-earned pint.
09:01And it's now, when I'm at the pub, that people start bringing me their broken stuff that they want me to mend.
09:07In fact, I'm so used to this, I take my toolbox to the pub every time I go.
09:14Hello.
09:15Hi, I'm Kirsty.
09:16Hello, Kirsty.
09:17Hi.
09:18What have you got for us?
09:19I have got my teddy bear, Peter. He's 53 years old.
09:23Younger than me.
09:25Definitely younger than me.
09:27And apart from being utterly furless, what is wrong with Peter?
09:32He used to make a sound sort of like a sheep, and now he doesn't.
09:37He's been in a loft for 35-plus years.
09:41Poor sod.
09:42Yeah.
09:43Is it one of those where you do that and it...
09:44Yeah.
09:45You can hear it?
09:47Oh, yeah.
09:48Whatever that is.
09:50Something's moving.
09:51What noise did it make?
09:52It was like a sheep, like a bar.
09:54I think, well, I do know somebody who used to run a thing called Teddy Bear Hospital, and these old bears,
09:59they've usually got a moving weight and some sort of bellows.
10:02They used to be classified as squeakers and growlers.
10:06Right.
10:07One of them had a reed, and the other one had...
10:09Some kind of diaphragm or...
10:11Yeah.
10:12Something like that.
10:13So you want us to try and make the sound work again?
10:15If you could, that would be lovely.
10:17And you've had him since you were how old?
10:20Before I was born, my grandmother gave it to my mother while she was pregnant with me.
10:25So it predates you?
10:26Yeah.
10:27The teddy was waiting for you as you popped out of the womb?
10:30He was.
10:32And are these your initials?
10:33They are my initials, yeah.
10:34My mum stitched them in because he used to go everywhere with me.
10:37I've got a picture of him, actually.
10:40Oh, that's when he still had his fur.
10:43Yeah.
10:44And his head was on properly.
10:45Yes.
10:47At what point did Peter lose his speech?
10:50Hmm.
10:51I have no idea.
10:52He's travelled with me.
10:53I was in the army, and he came everywhere with me.
10:57And then he ended up in a loft, and I thought I'd lost him.
11:04And then I got him back about three months ago, and he doesn't make any sound.
11:10How would you feel about us opening Peter up?
11:13That's fine.
11:14Are you sure?
11:15Well, I'll have to ask you to sign a consent form.
11:18Absolutely.
11:19And a do not resuscitate.
11:21Ooh, look, there is my special superpower magnifying spectacles.
11:26And there is a scalpel.
11:29Has this been opened before?
11:30Not that I know of, no.
11:32How are you feeling about this, Kirsty?
11:34I'm slightly nervous.
11:36Oh, swab.
11:38We found something that has not been exposed to the light since the early 1970s.
11:43Can I put my finger in?
11:44You might want to look away.
11:46I am.
11:48My God, it's huge.
11:50We need a bigger hole.
11:51We need a bigger hole.
11:53I'm actually getting nervous.
11:55Here it comes.
12:05Is that the noise it used to make?
12:07Slightly.
12:09But longer?
12:10Longer, yeah.
12:12Simi, afford him some dignity.
12:13Oh, sorry.
12:16We'll put him in the recovery position.
12:18OK, we will take this back to the workshop, Kirsty.
12:21We will mend it, reinsert it in the bowels of Peter.
12:26Simi will stitch him back together.
12:28He will be returned to you, growling as he did in your youth,
12:31and you will never know, and neither will he, that anything had ever happened.
12:36Excellent.
12:38Either that or it will go wrong and we'll chuck him on the bonfire.
12:41Please don't.
12:43Will we be able to perform this important and life-saving operation?
12:48Will Peter growl again?
12:49Will Peter growl again.
12:55Ah, Wiltshire, the beautiful countryside.
12:58But did you know that every 27 seconds somebody ruins it by fly-tipping,
13:04causing damage to farmland and wildlife?
13:07Luckily, Tony, Simi and I have come up with a cunning plan involving a collapsible cattle grid
13:14that will expose a sticky substance beneath to stop our fly-tippers in their tracks.
13:20Now we just have to select our gunk.
13:25The options we have arrived at are corn flour, epoxy resin,
13:31and this one, which is a mastic, so it remains plastic and sticky.
13:37Is that right? Yeah.
13:39What should we try? Should we try corn flour?
13:41I mean, corn flour, isn't it thixotropic?
13:44So if they run across a corn flour mix quickly, they will simply...
13:47Go across it.
13:48Go across it, but if they amble across it...
13:50Yes, then sink.
13:52How much should we put in? Let's put it all in.
13:54Do you think? Yeah.
13:56The corn flour is weird stuff, I think. I don't like using it in the kitchen.
14:02It's useful, though.
14:04It is useful. I mean, it's a crafty way to thicken up your cheese sauce.
14:07That is quite...so it's solid.
14:11But if you put gentle pressure, you're sick.
14:15Oh! It's quite nice, actually.
14:18And then it just goes liquid.
14:19The trouble with this is it's so much fun, you'd find millions of fly-tippers just frolicking in your corn flour.
14:26This corn flour and water goo is non-Newtonian, meaning it doesn't follow Newton's laws,
14:34as it can act as both a solid and a liquid.
14:37And handily for us, this ambiguity makes it very sticky.
14:42Shall we put it on the floor and put some shoe covers on? Who wants to try?
14:45We can try one each.
14:46Off to you.
14:48I'll do...I'll do this one, then, so.
14:57Make sure you use the right foot.
14:59Yeah, good thinking, Batman.
15:01So, you've thrown your sofa away, or your fridge, or whatever.
15:04Fly-tips. Nobody saw that. I'm off.
15:11It's not very good.
15:12What's the drag on your foot there?
15:15No, it's...it's...it's pretty grippy.
15:18But I don't know that you'll necessarily get stuck.
15:20The idea is that the fly-tipper is stuck to the fly-tipper trap.
15:24I mean, let's reserve judgement until we've tried a few other things.
15:27Shall we try the mass stick?
15:31So, it never sets.
15:33No.
15:34It's quite elastic, in the true sense, and hopefully quite sticky.
15:37Shall I? Yes. Carry on.
15:39It looks sticky. It does look sticky.
15:45This particular mass stick forms an elastic, watertight sealant that sticks firmly to wood, metal, concrete and, we hope, humans.
15:54This smells fantastic.
15:58So, has anybody got any Bob Dylan records?
16:01Right.
16:03Whose turn is it to try...?
16:06Are you going to do it, Tony?
16:07Yeah, I'll do it.
16:08Yeah, go on, Tony.
16:11Are you going to put both feet in?
16:13Yeah, I want to get splashes on my trainers.
16:15So, remember to method act.
16:22What are you dumping, Tony?
16:24A telly. A telly, OK.
16:26Whoa, he's done that before.
16:28Whoa!
16:30Hey, that looked like it could be quite good.
16:33Wow!
16:35It's slippy as well. Really slippy.
16:37That's really sticky.
16:39Oh, that's pretty good.
16:41It's very good.
16:43So, the mastic works.
16:44But because Simmy hates to feel left out, we decide to let him test the epoxy resin option.
16:50Also, he's got a bit of a thing about shoe covers.
16:53You ready, Sim? Right.
16:54With your big fridge and action.
16:55I've got my fridge.
16:57Over the hedge it goes.
16:59Oh, ****.
17:03That's not very good.
17:05It's not very good, is it? It's also all over the floor.
17:07It is all over the floor.
17:09It's very slippery.
17:10So, that's not ideal, is it?
17:13No.
17:15It's rubbish.
17:17So, to conclude this scene, men, because we've wanted to do it, you have one.
17:22Are you ready?
17:24In three, two, one.
17:31The mastic is a clear winner.
17:32It's the stickiest that we agreed.
17:35Absolutely.
17:36Right.
17:37So, that's what we'll do.
17:39Once that sticky mastic is added to our cattle grid flytrap, we may just be able to protect rural littles up and down the country from the blight of flytipping.
17:49But there's another danger threatening the countryside, and that's the worrying demise of pub games. As a landlord myself, I'm not keen on fruit machines and dreary pub quizzes. But what about revisiting one of the old standards?
18:07The game of darts is essential to the formation of England's character, because without our prowess at darts, we wouldn't have been good at archery and defeated the French at Agincourt, for example.
18:22Now, this is a standard dartboard, probably the one you're familiar with. It's got doubles on the outside, trebles on the inner ring, and then a bull and a double bull.
18:31But there are other types of dartboard. For example, there is a Yorkshire dartboard, which only has the doubles. And then there's a Manchester dartboard, which has the numbers in a different order.
18:41There's also a Bath dartboard, which has some extra scoring areas around the outside, and so on and so on.
18:47Wiltshire does not have its own dartboard, so we thought maybe we'd come up with one.
18:55What do you think, Tony?
18:57Er, yeah. What would you do, though?
19:00When I was a kid, me and my brother used to play drop darts, where you put the dartboard on the floor.
19:07We actually used to do it out of the bedroom window, with the dartboard down below in the garden.
19:11Let's try holding it by the...
19:15Oh, shot! Is it in?
19:17No, it's 25.
19:19Miles off.
19:21Yeah.
19:22I mean...
19:24It involves a lot of bending down, though.
19:27What if the dartboard starts rotating?
19:31Imagine how difficult it would be to throw at a rotating darts board.
19:34Yeah. That'd be... Yeah, we could do that. That'd be fun.
19:40Obviously, because we are, in fact, engineers, we need to test out the concept.
19:46OK, so stand on the occhi, but about two feet back from the occhi.
19:51Oh, I don't want to throw darts at you like that.
19:53No, no.
19:54Oh!
19:56You ready?
19:59You having a laugh?
20:00No.
20:05Yes, three on the board.
20:07OK, now it's my turn.
20:16Crap rolling.
20:17Crap rolling.
20:18It's supposed to go over there.
20:19You deflected it with your first dart.
20:20What?
20:21So the rotation idea works, but not rolling the board.
20:25Now we need Simi's help to try and make the board rotate in space.
20:30Shall we have a beer?
20:31Good idea.
20:33While Tony and I head off for a pint,
20:35Simi throws himself into creating a mechanism that will rotate our Wiltshire dartboard.
20:41First, he attaches a rotary switch to a wooden frame.
20:45And then he rigs up a variable speed controller.
20:50Before, after a quick swig, soldering together a small motor with a manual switch.
20:57Then he attaches a battery, has another essential beer break,
21:01and finally tests the rotating mechanism that will eventually attach to the dartboard,
21:07which we'll try out later, once Simi's joined us in the garden for another pint.
21:12Exciting!
21:13You find me back in my Wiltshire pub, and for good reason.
21:27There isn't enough entertainment in the pub, especially since I've banned Morris dancers and minstrels.
21:32So we're looking at how to refresh the greatest of all pub games.
21:39With the introduction of the Wiltshire dartboard, allow me to show it to you.
21:44Here it is, hanging on the wall at the regulation height, with the 20 at the top, where you'd expect.
21:50My two players, if you'd like to take the occi, gentlemen.
21:55And you will remember where you were when you first saw this, because the game of darts was changed forever.
22:04There it goes.
22:06The rotating Wiltshire dartboard.
22:08Doesn't look like much, but it makes the game extremely difficult, and let's be honest, it wasn't easy to start with.
22:15We're playing highest score, three darts. Your throw, sir.
22:19It's making me dizzy.
22:20Here's the 20, but it's going round and round, you see, because it's the Wiltshire dartboard.
22:23Rubbish.
22:24Oh, he's going for the bull.
22:26Oh, it's tricky.
22:2843.
22:3012.
22:3219.
22:34Oh, rubbish.
22:35James, come on.
22:36Do your best.
22:42Oh!
22:43That again.
22:4534.
22:47No.
22:48No.
22:49No, no, no.
22:50Right, I'm speeding it up for round two.
22:56Oh!
22:58Yes!
23:00Shall we reverse?
23:02Oh!
23:06Oh, he's got 60.
23:10I didn't believe I missed the ball, James.
23:13I've only got this one left, and I have to score 29 or more.
23:17That means the winner is Sim.
23:23But this invention wasn't meant just to entertain the three of us.
23:31It has to work on the seething, roaring mass that is the general public.
23:36Let's see if any of the locals would like to play Wiltshire darts.
23:38Hmm.
23:39No.
23:40It's not looking good.
23:42Well, yes, you're right.
23:43It's not ideal.
23:44It's not good.
23:45It's not good.
23:46It's 24.
23:48But that's nothing.
23:50At least I tried.
23:52Five.
23:54Six.
23:56Ten.
23:58Congratulations.
23:59That's truly terrible.
24:01Eight.
24:03Oh, dear.
24:05That's 17, sir.
24:07That's very poor.
24:09I hope you don't mind me saying.
24:11Scores may be low, but the game is a huge hit with the regulars,
24:14and also, it turns out, with our film crew,
24:17with producer Lucy very keen to play.
24:19You've thrown it away.
24:21As everybody rushes to stand in front of the board for their own safety,
24:23it's probably time to sum this up.
24:25I'm not entirely sure what to say about Wiltshire darts,
24:27apart from that it's excellent.
24:29Thank you for watching.
24:31That's one successful step along the path to revitalization of Wiltshire darts.
24:33And I've got plenty more ideas up my sleeve.
24:34But now, we must return to the pressing matter of Kirsty's Bear,
24:37who, after years in the loft, has lost his growl.
24:39And Simeon and I have been entrusted with the weighty task of giving Peter his voice back.
24:43Right, viewers.
24:44Our mission today is to provide Peter the Bear, beloved of Kirsty,
24:48with the leadership of the British.
24:50And it's best to get some of the questions that we've got here today.
24:53That's one successful step along the path to revitalize British pub entertainment.
24:57And I've got plenty more ideas up my sleeve.
24:59But now, we must return to the pressing matter of Kirsty's Bear,
25:01who, after years in the loft, has lost his growl.
25:04And Simeon and I have been entrusted with the weighty task of giving Peter his voice back.
25:09Right, viewers.
25:10Our mission today is to provide Peter the Bear, beloved of Kirsty,
25:13de Kirstie con un más impresionante de uno de esos.
25:18According to Kirstie,
25:19it was originally louder and longer
25:22and we may be able to improve the sound as well.
25:25We've never done this before, oddly.
25:31First, we need to remove Peter's growl box
25:34to see how it works.
25:37What if we made that just twice as long
25:39and this twice as long
25:41and then you'd get a longer...
25:43So it is, it's like...
25:49Oh, God.
25:53It's got a very simple reed there,
25:56similar to something you would find
25:57in a crude musical instrument.
25:59And this seems to be some sort of
26:02very, very simple amplifier.
26:04We could remake that...
26:07Bigger.
26:07Much bigger and much longer.
26:09There's a lot of room.
26:11There's tons of room.
26:11It could go right down to his...
26:13and up to his neck.
26:15So we could, you know,
26:16we could put an enormous growler in there.
26:23Yes.
26:24Right, that's the plan.
26:26We're going to remake it bigger and better,
26:30which in terms of a teddy bear growl
26:31means longer.
26:32To see if we can give Peter a larger,
26:36longer growl,
26:37Sim and I want to see what happens
26:39when we elongate the sandbox's journey
26:42by throwing it down the longest tube we can find,
26:45three metres of cylindrical polyvinyl chloride.
26:48Is everybody ready?
26:49Also known as a drainpipe.
26:52Let her go.
26:52I think it needs to be totally upright.
27:11That was epic!
27:14Nice!
27:15You're trying with the shorter legs?
27:16Yes.
27:16So Peter's growler needs to be...
27:19Oh, that?
27:19Yeah.
27:20OK.
27:21Now we've established how big we can make Peter's new growler,
27:24we cut it to size.
27:28Let's just see how long a growl we get.
27:33It's got to be a bit safer than that.
27:36To slow the movement of the growler
27:39and thus lengthen the growl,
27:40we need some sort of fabric cap
27:43with holes punched through.
27:44That's a bit on the wonk, isn't it?
27:47I mean, it doesn't matter.
27:49I mean, no-one's ever going to see it
27:50because it's going to be deep in Peter's bowel,
27:53apart from all the people watching it on television, obviously.
27:56I think to get the result,
27:58we need to tape this on to the end
28:00to seal that one end.
28:02The noise goes in that way?
28:04Yeah.
28:07Why how could that...
28:09Is there a plan B at this point?
28:19No.
28:23OK.
28:24Anyway, we're not going to give up.
28:27Luckily, Simi, ever the optimist,
28:29has an idea that might help create the sound,
28:32and it involves a pair of black rubber gloves.
28:36We're making a replacement bellow.
28:39The old one is rather elaborate.
28:44We're not sure what material it is.
28:45It's almost like a waxed paper,
28:48but it has been ironed
28:50so that it has, effectively, a helix in it.
28:55So it's ironed in two directions.
28:57So it's got ridges on the outside and the inside,
29:00but that seems unnecessarily complicated
29:02in a world of modern materials,
29:03such as rubber gloves.
29:05So we're making it out of the rubber glove.
29:08The theory here is that the rubber glove
29:10should fill with air and force it past the reed,
29:13which makes the sound.
29:16OK.
29:17Are we ready?
29:18I'm slightly...
29:19Oh, ****.
29:30How can that not work?
29:32The addition of the bellows has made...
29:36Let's have a look.
29:37The growler's sticking the tube.
29:39Oh, is that what it's doing?
29:45It's so feeble.
29:47A situation update on Peter the teddy bear.
29:50A situation update is that
29:52since Peter the bear was admitted
29:55to our bear growler hospital,
29:57his condition has deteriorated.
29:59Some of his stuffing's got a massive wound in his spine and his voice doesn't work any more.
30:08But apart from that...
30:09It's not easy, is it?
30:11I hate this bear.
30:12So, our attempts at repairing Peter's existing growl box have run adrift, but we can't let Kirstie and her precious bear down.
30:23And so, after some deliberation, Sim and I decide that desperate times call for desperate measures.
30:29Are you sitting comfortably, children?
30:32Kirstie had a very special bear called Peter, and Peter could growl like a proper grown-up bear.
30:39But one day, Peter's growl failed, and Kirstie sent poor Peter to Simeon James to be repaired.
30:47It's proved rather difficult, because Peter's reed is bent and worn out, his bellows have perished.
30:54But, of course, you know all that, children, because you've been on this incredible adventure with us.
31:00But now, Simi and James have had to do something they've never done before on this show, which is, order a spare part and fit that instead.
31:10Here it is, commercially available growler from a bear specialist.
31:16Peter can growl again.
31:19And now, Mr Oakley, the surgeon, is going to sew it into Peter, and nobody need ever know.
31:30It's our secret.
31:32There you go, Sim.
31:34Thank you very much.
31:35Once Simi has sewn up, the patient will send him to convalesce, the bear, I mean, before returning him to Kirstie, as good as new.
31:44Well, almost.
31:49You rejoin us in Wiltshire, where I'm coming up with ideas to solve problems big and small that bother us all.
31:56Whether that's flytippers ruining the glorious countryside, or that your lunch is just lacking that certain something.
32:04We have identified a problem, which is that you go out to a pub or a restaurant and you have some food, and it's all jolly nice, but you think, I'd like a little bit of garnish on that.
32:13What if you could take the garnish with you, and then you could garnish whatever it was you were eating, wherever?
32:20So we thought, why not incorporate them into an item of clothing?
32:24To wit, a hat.
32:26You see, this rests very conveniently on your head.
32:29If the brim were full of soil and herbs, you could merely pluck one and add it to your cheesy pasta.
32:37So, join me as we make the world's first herb hat.
32:44This is harder than it looks.
32:50The problem I'm experiencing is that the brim of the hat is not as deep as the typical English garden herb bed.
32:59So, maybe we need to get rid of some bigger...
33:02And maybe make the soil a bit wetter.
33:04But don't I have to retain the root?
33:07Yes, but if you just...
33:08So, if we get rid of those boys, and keep that one in its root...
33:12What, and discard those?
33:14I think snip that off.
33:15I always have my comedy carrot-shaped Japanese scissors in my pocket, fortunately.
33:21Snip those off.
33:22We're now getting somewhere with the herb hat, compacted soil, and a sprig of basil.
33:30I've been in television quite a long time now, I think it's about 25 years.
33:34And because I understand the basics of television, I know that we're going to skip forward to a comedy shot of me approaching my own pub with a hat full of herbs on my head.
33:44And here I am.
33:47Afternoon.
33:48Afternoon.
33:48Ham, egg and chips.
33:50Yes.
33:50It's epic.
33:52Nice hat, James.
33:53Thank you.
33:54Yeah, you're rocking that.
34:00Sorry.
34:01It was a bit of a breeze.
34:04Would you like some...
34:06Garni?
34:07Have you got any coriander?
34:08I have.
34:10I believe it's there, isn't it?
34:11Yes.
34:12May I?
34:13Yes, of course.
34:14Here are the exquisite Japanese scissors.
34:19Thank you.
34:20Sim, anything you'd like with your...
34:21A little basil would be nice.
34:23Basil is...
34:25Ooh.
34:25Can Tony reach that?
34:26Ooh, ooh.
34:27Is that enough?
34:28Yeah.
34:28That's...
34:29I think ham, egg and chips.
34:31I would like...
34:32I'd like a few chives on my eggs and my chips.
34:36Allow me.
34:39Here you go.
34:41Thanks awfully.
34:42What do you think of my hat?
34:44I mean, be honest.
34:45Well, honest.
34:46Yeah, yeah.
34:47I mean, you look like Wurzel Gummidge, but...
34:50It's a bit Morristar, to see, isn't it?
34:52It's actually very useful.
34:54It's a top hat.
34:56See what I did there?
35:00I'd say this works.
35:02Mm.
35:02It's a little uncomfortable, but it's very achievable at home.
35:05All you need is a hat, some nutrient-rich soil, some herbs, a low sense of self-esteem.
35:15Robert's your mother's brother.
35:18Next, spice shoes.
35:22No, that's ridiculous.
35:24Shoes covered in spices would just look stupid.
35:28Meanwhile, here are some lovely shots of the Wiltshire countryside,
35:32and we're hoping to keep it that way,
35:34with our cunning invention to stop the curse of fly-tipping.
35:40We return to the fly-tipper, fly-trap.
35:43Fly-tipping is becoming a blight.
35:46In the countryside, we have devised a way of catching people in the act.
35:49It is essentially a fly-trap.
35:52It's based on the idea of a retracting cattle grid
35:54that exposes a very sticky substance that traps the miscreants
35:59so that they can be apprehended,
36:01and then they can pay their debt to society.
36:04Now, in a previous instalment,
36:05we proved the principle of the retracting cattle grid,
36:08and now we've set it up in this fly-tipping area.
36:11It's already full of junk.
36:13It's a very popular location.
36:14You know, saw horses, old records, players, speakers,
36:18badminton bats and so on,
36:20and amongst is a fairly typical old bicycle.
36:22Or is it?
36:23No, it isn't.
36:24It is actually the trigger mechanism for the whole thing.
36:28Let me explain to you how it works.
36:29When our fly-tippers approach,
36:31they walk over the cattle grid,
36:32which is closed and it's outside a gate,
36:34they suspect nothing,
36:35and they lob whatever it is,
36:37their bread-maker, whatever, over here,
36:40and it hits this trigger string.
36:42This trigger string, via this pulley here,
36:47pulls on this hinged piece of wood,
36:50which releases the front brake of the bicycle.
36:53The front wheel, now free to rotate,
36:56begins to rotate under the tension of this bungee cord
37:00until the sledgehammer, which is attached to the wheel,
37:03passes top dead centre,
37:05and then gravity does its work.
37:07The rotation of the wheel
37:09and the extra torque provided by the sledgehammer
37:12operates this pulley system,
37:14which retracts the cattle grid.
37:16They think we got away with that, run away, stuck,
37:19we turn up with clubs and beat them to death.
37:21Now, we're going to test this out
37:22with some fictitious fly-tippers.
37:24This is not real, this is a set-up,
37:25but me, Tony, and Simi, to see if it works,
37:28are going to watch from over there behind the wall.
37:31If you didn't understand the explanation,
37:33don't worry, we're filming it all with little cameras
37:35and we'll do a slow-motion action replay
37:37and you can see it all working in graphic detail.
37:41Right, are we ready?
37:44Let's prime the trap.
37:46So, a few redesigned and repurposed bits of junk
37:51could, if we've got our calculations correct,
37:54trigger our trap and catch some fly-tippers
37:56in the world's first ever fly-tipping fly-trap.
38:00It's quite sticky.
38:01Patent pending.
38:03Right, I think we can go and hide.
38:16So, the trap is set.
38:20And, as if by magic, a mysterious van pulls up.
38:23Oh, he's stopping.
38:25He is, he is.
38:26Oh, he's got to be one.
38:29That's a really tatty van, that's always a sign.
38:32He's getting out.
38:33Oh, they've got hoodies on.
38:35Oh, look at them, dirty fly-tippers.
38:38Yes, dirty fly-tippers that do look remarkably like members of our crew.
38:42What is it?
38:44What is it?
38:44Washing machine?
38:45It's a bloody mattress.
38:48God.
38:49Over the kettle grid, go on.
38:51Over here, killer.
38:52Yes, yes, yes.
38:54Oh.
38:54Yeah.
38:55Gotcha!
39:10That's so good!
39:13Yeah, I can tell you it works.
39:15Oi, fly-tippers.
39:16You're in a fly-trap and you're going down.
39:22Oh, well done then.
39:23That is fantastic.
39:24That's an absurd idea, but it works
39:28And as promised, here it is in glorious slow motion
39:32It may be a prototype, but the principle is sound
39:36Fly tippers can be caught like flies in a trap
39:39And that is engineering and poetic success
39:43So, we've solved fly tipping, pub entertainment, garnishing on the move
39:52But we've really struggled trying to fix Peter the bear
39:56Whose growler was no longer fit for purpose
39:59I never imagined I would end up being involved in the repair of a teddy bear
40:04I was expecting clocks or lawnmowers, you know
40:08Not teddies
40:09Not a teddy bear
40:11What a pain
40:12I'll be quite glad to see the back of him
40:14Aw, I'll miss Peter
40:16I can see the back of him now
40:17I don't know how she's going to react when we admit that we haven't really mended him as such
40:22What happens if she throws one?
40:25I don't think she will
40:26You think so?
40:27No
40:27What we've actually done here is a transplant
40:29We have
40:30And a successful one
40:31And that's really the cutting edge of teddy bear medicine
40:34Hello
40:41Hello
40:42Have a seat
40:43Nice to see you again
40:45Hi
40:46Here is Roger
40:48Peter
40:49Have you missed him?
40:52I've missed him a lot
40:53Have you?
40:54I have
40:54Well, it's strange
40:55We've become very familiar with Peter
40:57He's been a constant lurking presence in our lives
41:01And looked after very carefully, of course
41:04I'm glad, I'm glad you did
41:05Well, do you want to know what we've done?
41:07Yes, please
41:07Well, Simi began the quite difficult operation
41:10With a long incision down his spine
41:13Yeah
41:13And then we successfully removed his growler
41:17Yes
41:17And that's where things became a bit difficult
41:19It had sort of disintegrated a bit
41:22And his growler wasn't very strong anymore
41:25No
41:25And we looked at making a longer tube and a bigger bellows
41:29We tried various fabrics, we tried a rubber glove
41:32Sounds a bit complicated
41:33It was complicated
41:34He was on the table for hours
41:36And at one point we thought we might lose him
41:37Eventually
41:40Yeah
41:41We consulted
41:42Well, a consultant teddy bear surgeon
41:46Yeah
41:46Who said
41:48I'm afraid he had to have a new growler
41:50So he's had a transplant
41:52Okay
41:54But if you'd like to tip him on his back
41:57Oh, it's the same
42:07It sounds exactly the same
42:09Oh
42:13Oh, it does
42:15It sounds exactly the same
42:16If you tip him right back and wait
42:18For a bit
42:20For sort of the
42:20Okay
42:21Rather to extend
42:22And then
42:23It sounds just like a telephone
42:26So you're pleased
42:30Very pleased
42:31Thank you so much
42:33So good
42:36Well, I'm delighted that you're pleased
42:38I'm very pleased
42:39Because I thought I'd lost him for a long, long time
42:41And now he sounds exactly like he did when I was a child
42:45So
42:45Yeah
42:46He's quite emotional
42:47Well, you can take him back to your home
42:52And enjoy the rest of your lives together
42:55I will
42:55Thank you so much
42:56It's really appreciated
42:58That's okay
42:58Thank you
42:59It's a pleasure
42:59Thank you
43:00Thank you very much
43:01Thank you, bye
43:02Bye
43:03Bring him back when his head falls off
43:04Can you see her?
43:09She's properly delighted
43:10That bear is loved
43:12And if we as humanity could love each other
43:15The way Kirsty loves that bear
43:17Everything would be okay
43:19Apart from for me
43:22Thank you
43:23Thank you
43:41Gracias por ver el video.
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