#fyp
#viral
#new
#hot
#funny
#viral
#new
#hot
#funny
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:30It's amazing how filthy your room is when you are such an impressive vacuum.
00:00:42Good one.
00:00:43I ran into Jackie yesterday.
00:00:48Your friend Johnny, he sold her seaside apartment in under a week.
00:00:52He's not my friend.
00:00:53You know, he moved out of his parents' house when he graduated.
00:00:57Maybe he could be your mentor?
00:00:58I'm older than him.
00:01:01Exactly.
00:01:02You know what would make your flyer pop?
00:01:05I don't need a catchphrase.
00:01:06It's working for Johnny.
00:01:08Available eight days a week, starting today.
00:01:10You know, that actually defies 8,000 years of human history, but thank you.
00:01:14I hear he has a lovely girlfriend, too.
00:01:17An Italian.
00:01:19You need something to separate yourself from all the other schmoes out there.
00:01:23Something so people know they can trust you.
00:01:26Let's hear it.
00:01:28I'll treat your place like it's my own.
00:01:34Just don't show them your bedroom.
00:01:36Ma, I love you, but I do not need a catchphrase.
00:01:42Okay?
00:01:43I'm an adult.
00:01:51Can I borrow the car?
00:01:53This is at Ditmars Boulevard bound Amnet Train.
00:01:57The next stop is Astoria Boulevard.
00:02:00What the fuck?
00:02:24Hello?
00:02:25Hey, this is Ian Jensen.
00:02:49We have an open house today.
00:02:52It's...
00:02:54It's in 10 minutes.
00:02:55Call me.
00:03:22Oh, fuck.
00:03:29Oh, come on.
00:03:35Oh, God.
00:03:43Hi!
00:03:44Here.
00:03:45Ian Jensen.
00:03:46Hey, let me show you around.
00:03:47Uh, this is the living room.
00:03:49As you can see, there's ample room for a couch and, uh...
00:03:53Is that out?
00:03:54You know what?
00:03:55I really want to show you the bedroom.
00:03:57Come on.
00:04:00Sorry about the mess.
00:04:01Uh, I was just finishing tidying up.
00:04:03Uh, as you can see, the bedroom is spacious.
00:04:05It, uh...
00:04:06It has a lot of, uh, room for...
00:04:08Whoa!
00:04:09Ugh!
00:04:10Dude, what the fuck, dude?
00:04:11Don't what the fuck me, man.
00:04:12Where have you been?
00:04:13I've been right here, man.
00:04:15Yeah, I can see that, but we have the open house.
00:04:18Hey!
00:04:19Thanks for the tour, but this is not the apartment I'm looking for.
00:04:22Dude, my battery must have died.
00:04:24I'm sorry, man.
00:04:33But we're in luck.
00:04:34Yeah?
00:04:35Why is that?
00:04:36My roommate must have cleaned the apartment.
00:04:57Hi.
00:04:58Welcome.
00:04:59Please take a look around.
00:05:00Um, there's a sign in sheet right there.
00:05:02If you have any questions, I'd be more than happy to answer them.
00:05:05Hey, place is newly refurnished.
00:05:07Right by the NQR.
00:05:09Great schools.
00:05:15Any questions?
00:05:16Uh, no, no, no.
00:05:17I live in building.
00:05:18Come to see layout.
00:05:20My apartment bigger.
00:05:21Oh.
00:05:22Okay.
00:05:23Well, hey, if you know anybody that might be interested, please take a flyer.
00:05:26Too small.
00:05:27Okay.
00:05:28Well, thank you for coming.
00:05:30Yeah, all right.
00:05:31Hey, welcome.
00:05:32If you have any...
00:05:33Johnny?
00:05:34Well, if it isn't Ian J.
00:05:35What are you doing here?
00:05:36This is an open house, correct?
00:05:37I have a client.
00:05:38Hey, go look around while I catch up with my old friend here.
00:05:39What?
00:05:40So you're gonna try to steal this listing from me, too?
00:05:41Buddy, let it go.
00:05:42They reached out to me.
00:05:43Besides, I would not associate myself with this apartment.
00:05:44Oh.
00:05:45Well, it seems to be good enough for your client.
00:05:46It's not.
00:05:47We're heading to that new development over on Steinway.
00:05:48He had to take a shit, so...
00:05:49Oh, come on.
00:05:50Hey, but check this out.
00:05:51Girlfriend's birthday last night.
00:05:52Shit got crazy.
00:05:53What?
00:05:54I have a client.
00:05:55I have a client.
00:05:56Hey, go look around while I catch up with my old friend here.
00:05:57What?
00:05:58So you're gonna try to steal this listing from me, too?
00:05:59Buddy, let it go.
00:06:00They reached out to me.
00:06:01Besides, I would not associate myself with this apartment.
00:06:02Oh, well, seems to be good enough for your client.
00:06:03It's not.
00:06:04We're heading to that new development over on Steinway.
00:06:05He had to take a shit, so...
00:06:06Oh, come on.
00:06:07Hey, but check this out.
00:06:10Girlfriend's birthday last night.
00:06:12Shit got crazy.
00:06:13Cheese Italian?
00:06:17Still with Atlas, I see.
00:06:20Shall I send you regards?
00:06:22You can let them know that I am crushing it.
00:06:25See, a real estate entrepreneur like myself really needs to be their own boss.
00:06:30You might enjoy being a wacky for an outdated corporation.
00:06:34But that changes.
00:06:36Give me a call.
00:06:37There's room for one more in this wolf bag.
00:06:41Hey, we should get going.
00:06:43I think you're out of toilet paper.
00:06:50Oh.
00:07:04I mean, Williamsburg people are my people.
00:07:20Like, they're educated or just super smart.
00:07:23I'm not elitist.
00:07:24No.
00:07:25But they, like, care about the arts and what's going on in the world, which basically nobody
00:07:28else is doing.
00:07:29I just feel like if you don't live in Williamsburg and you're able to, then you're just probably
00:07:34not really a good person.
00:07:35Right.
00:07:36Yeah.
00:07:37I pride myself on being a good person.
00:07:38Are you into the arts?
00:07:39Like, who do you support?
00:07:40Yeah.
00:07:41I mean, I saw the most recent Transformers movie knowing it wouldn't be very good.
00:07:46Like, I just went to this art exhibit.
00:07:48It was brilliant.
00:07:49Just brilliant.
00:07:50It was in Chelsea.
00:07:51It was so worth it.
00:07:53Tickets were, like, $200 or something like that.
00:07:55Yeah.
00:07:56I got comped.
00:07:57But, like, almost everyone else paid.
00:07:58Huh.
00:07:59And guess what was inside?
00:08:00Art.
00:08:01Dirt.
00:08:02Three massive piles of dirt.
00:08:04But not just any dirt.
00:08:05Like, one was collected from Syria, another from Afghanistan, and the third from an African
00:08:10country where there's a war going on.
00:08:11Wow.
00:08:12What, uh, what country was it?
00:08:14I don't remember.
00:08:15It was an open bar.
00:08:16But, like, what a message, right?
00:08:18Yeah.
00:08:19Like, things are really bad there, and I'm just glad I could do my part to be a part of
00:08:23the solution.
00:08:24Nice.
00:08:25So, what was it, like a fundraiser?
00:08:26I mean, what did they do with the money?
00:08:28They opened a studio in Bushwick.
00:08:30I mean, just think of all they can do to get the message out now that they have their
00:08:33own space.
00:08:34Yeah.
00:08:35Totally.
00:08:36Your profile didn't mention where you live.
00:08:37Oh.
00:08:38Um.
00:08:39You know, I live, I live pretty nearby.
00:08:42It's okay.
00:08:43You can finish your bite.
00:08:44I'm gonna head to the ladies room.
00:08:45Okay.
00:08:53Woohoo!
00:08:54Things are going well.
00:08:55You gonna lie about where you live or ask mommy if you can have a sleepover?
00:08:59I do not want to talk to you right now.
00:09:02Now, Ian, I did not raise you to be a liar.
00:09:05She's gonna like you for who you are.
00:09:07So, why don't you invite her over for lasagna Thursday?
00:09:10All I'm saying is I absolutely need my own place because things at night get freaky.
00:09:16Hey, keep it to yourself, Johnny.
00:09:18Anal.
00:09:19I told you I don't want to hear it.
00:09:20What?
00:09:21I didn't say anything.
00:09:22Yeah, you did.
00:09:23You said anal.
00:09:24I won't deny things get hot on occasion.
00:09:27Look, all I'm saying is you may want to keep the living situation close to the peruvial
00:09:32chest.
00:09:33Whatever.
00:09:34I prefer the honest route.
00:09:35That's my boy.
00:09:36Yeah, that route pulling in the tail.
00:09:39Your calendar filled up.
00:09:41Who was the last lucky lady anyway?
00:09:43Amy.
00:09:44I've always liked Amy.
00:09:46You've stayed in touch with Amy since graduation?
00:09:49No.
00:09:50I haven't.
00:09:51My work here is done.
00:09:53Okay.
00:09:54What do I have to do?
00:09:56Open your binder to that place on Warhammer.
00:10:02There.
00:10:03The owners don't get back until Monday.
00:10:05It is right down the street.
00:10:07Listen, brother.
00:10:08It is not your fault that you were born to some family in New Jersey destined to be
00:10:13sounds intercourse for the next five years.
00:10:14I'm not going to be living there for five years.
00:10:16I was being optimistic, buddy.
00:10:18Luckily for you, that terrace will do all of the heavy lifting.
00:10:22Oh, Ian, what a gorgeous terrace.
00:10:25This view is amazing.
00:10:27And it's so private.
00:10:30Nobody can see what you're doing.
00:10:33I want to suck your...
00:10:35What's that?
00:10:36Nothing.
00:10:37Nothing.
00:10:38All this?
00:10:39This is just papers from work.
00:10:40I got some open houses lined up next week.
00:10:42So, when am I going to see you on Million Dollar Listing?
00:10:45Ah, well, my agent is in talks with the producers right now, so...
00:10:48I love that show.
00:10:49There was an apartment in Tribeca where I considered, like, throwing myself at the buyer just to
00:10:54get up there.
00:10:55Just kidding.
00:10:56He was married.
00:10:57But he had a terrace the size of my bedroom.
00:11:00Well, actually, I live on Lorimer, which is right here.
00:11:06And, uh, I got a terrace.
00:11:09Yeah.
00:11:10You know, I'm glad I didn't include it on my dating profile, or else I wouldn't know if
00:11:13this date was for me or my apartment.
00:11:16You live on Lorimer.
00:11:17Mm-hmm.
00:11:18Very cool.
00:11:19Oh, thank you.
00:11:20Do you ever go out on your terrace and look at the other 8 million people in the world
00:11:23and just think how nice it would be with less people?
00:11:27Every day?
00:11:28Haha.
00:11:29Yeah.
00:11:30I just...
00:11:31Imagine if this city only had, like, one million people.
00:11:34I mean, the subways would actually be on time for once.
00:11:37And it would trip my morning line for coffee.
00:11:39Mm-hmm.
00:11:40Yeah.
00:11:41All lines.
00:11:42You know what?
00:11:43No lines would exist.
00:11:44It would be fantastic.
00:11:45It would be like an urban utopia.
00:11:46Every time I see a light go on in the distance, I say to myself, that's the asshole that's
00:11:49gonna get to SoulCycle before me and take the last bike in the front row and ruin my day.
00:11:52Yeah.
00:11:53Mm-hmm.
00:11:57So, what do you say we wrap this up and get a drink in my place?
00:12:02We can hang out on my terrace and curse these people that are clogging up the city.
00:12:08Yeah.
00:12:12Okay, you can open your eyes.
00:12:14Oh, wow.
00:12:15This place could be a million dollar listing.
00:12:18Haha.
00:12:19I got lucky in finding it.
00:12:21Yeah.
00:12:22You want to go see the terrace?
00:12:24Yes, I do.
00:12:25All right.
00:12:33Oh, my God.
00:12:34Yeah.
00:12:35What a gorgeous terrace.
00:12:36This view is amazing.
00:12:37Thank you very much.
00:12:38And it's so private.
00:12:40Mm-hmm.
00:12:41No one can really see what you're doing.
00:12:44I want to...
00:12:45I want to take a picture.
00:12:48Oh.
00:12:49Oh, the view.
00:12:50Yeah, sure.
00:12:51I don't mind.
00:12:52Yeah, do it.
00:12:53I'm going to go pop this baby open.
00:12:54Okay.
00:12:55And I'll get us some glasses.
00:12:56Great.
00:12:57All right.
00:12:58Thanks.
00:12:59Thanks.
00:13:00Thanks.
00:13:01Thanks.
00:13:02Thanks.
00:13:03Hey, what's funny?
00:13:04Oh, just my friend being an idiot and offered to sign a rescue party.
00:13:19Huh?
00:13:20I hope you told the party to stand down.
00:13:22They're waiting for their instruction.
00:13:24All right.
00:13:25Why don't you tell them to come by?
00:13:28And I think I can win them over.
00:13:30And give up some of our champagne.
00:13:31I'd rather make the wrong decision.
00:13:33Oh, home sweet home.
00:13:57Oh, look, your mom sent me another card.
00:14:00Some holiday I don't know about.
00:14:04It's a thank you card.
00:14:06For my thank you card.
00:14:08Does it ever end?
00:14:17Did you have someone over here?
00:14:21No.
00:14:22You mean you drank this bottle all by yourself?
00:14:25No.
00:14:26Who is he?
00:14:27No, I mean I've never seen that bottle before.
00:14:29Oh, the champagne fairy strikes again.
00:14:32You mean you're not prepared to tell me about your other boyfriend?
00:14:37Who is in our bed?
00:14:40And he's bi.
00:14:42Hi, sorry.
00:14:43He didn't tell me he had a roommate.
00:14:45Ian, wake up.
00:14:46Ian?
00:14:47Who's Ian?
00:14:48It's our realtor.
00:14:49Oh my God.
00:14:50What's our realtor doing in our bed?
00:14:51That's not your bed, Ian.
00:14:52That's our bed.
00:14:53I'm really sorry.
00:14:54Listen, I just, I didn't think you were going to be back for a week.
00:14:57You don't live here?
00:14:59Um, not exactly.
00:15:00Where do you live?
00:15:01Listen, let me just talk to them real quick.
00:15:03Hey, hey, hey, listen, I'm sorry.
00:15:04I just, I invited her over just to show her the terrace and we had a drink and, you know,
00:15:08one thing led to another, okay?
00:15:09Is it Bushwick?
00:15:10Do you live in Bushwick?
00:15:11I mean, maybe that could work.
00:15:12I think I want my keys back.
00:15:13And our bed.
00:15:14I'm sorry.
00:15:15Look, I really messed up.
00:15:16I did.
00:15:17Just, please don't take the listing from me.
00:15:18Is it Queens?
00:15:19I really need it.
00:15:20Please.
00:15:21Do you live in Queens?
00:15:22I heard things are kind of cool there now.
00:15:23You heard right, darling.
00:15:24No, no, no, no.
00:15:25This is, this is not consensual.
00:15:26You can't just bring girls back to my apartment.
00:15:27No, I know.
00:15:28Just give me a week.
00:15:29Where do you live?
00:15:30I live in New Jersey.
00:15:33With my parents.
00:15:34Oh, hell no.
00:15:35I know.
00:15:36I know.
00:15:37I mean, it's big.
00:15:38It looks like I have my own apartment.
00:15:39The size of your apartment should be the least of your worries.
00:15:42I faked my orgasm.
00:15:45Both of them?
00:15:46Yes.
00:15:54Oh.
00:15:55There, there.
00:15:56Drink this.
00:15:57This will make you feel better.
00:15:59Sometimes I wish I could fake an orgasm.
00:16:01As if.
00:16:03So Brandon and I were talking,
00:16:05and we agreed that you can keep the listing.
00:16:08You mean it?
00:16:10Hey, everybody makes mistakes, right?
00:16:11Oh, my God.
00:16:12Like dating women, for one.
00:16:13Oh.
00:16:14Thank you so, so much.
00:16:16Listen, I promise I will treat this place like it's my own.
00:16:19Uh, no, actually, don't do, don't do that.
00:16:23Oh, no, no, that's not what I meant.
00:16:25That's just, that's my slogan.
00:16:26Oh, well, you need to get a new one.
00:16:27Seriously.
00:16:28Yeah.
00:16:29I promise to not have sex in your bed.
00:16:33That works.
00:16:38Good morning.
00:16:39How did Poochie sleep?
00:16:41Sorry about last night.
00:16:45You passed out in under five seconds.
00:16:46But I have plenty of energy now.
00:16:49Oh, the romance.
00:16:50Oh, no.
00:16:51Oh, no.
00:16:52Oh, no, no.
00:16:53Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:16:54Ah.
00:16:55Yes.
00:16:56Got it?
00:16:57Oh, no, no, no, no.
00:16:58What the hell are you looking for?
00:17:00I don't know, I don't know.
00:17:02Oh, no, no.
00:17:03Oh, no, no, no.
00:17:04What the hell is your thing to live?
00:17:06What the hell are you looking for?
00:17:07You passed out in under five seconds.
00:17:11But I have plenty of energy now.
00:17:16Oh, the romance!
00:17:26Not again!
00:17:28That Scottish idolizing bastard!
00:17:31Want some music?
00:17:33It won't work.
00:17:34Bagpipes operate on unstoppable frequency.
00:17:47How's the day looking?
00:17:49Oh, I shouldn't be too late.
00:17:51I want to remake my new creation of it.
00:17:54Yeah, some kind of eclair, right?
00:17:57It's as if a croissant and an eclair had a baby,
00:18:02but with lighter cream.
00:18:04Well, if it's half as popular as the cronut,
00:18:07we can buy this place and I can be your assistant.
00:18:09We've tried that.
00:18:11You don't follow directions.
00:18:13That measuring cup was in Spanish.
00:18:17But I can design a website to handle all your international orders.
00:18:22What?
00:18:23So no line of people forming at 6am?
00:18:26People will love you for it.
00:18:27You can declare it the anti-cronut.
00:18:31I was thinking crew Claire.
00:18:35Fluffy eclair.
00:18:36Not quite.
00:18:37It's missing something.
00:18:40Fluffy nuggets.
00:18:42I don't think we need the word fluffy in the title.
00:18:46Fluffy will sell.
00:18:47Trust me.
00:18:49Hi Sean.
00:18:50Hi Samantha.
00:18:51Do you have a minute?
00:18:52Ah, you stay.
00:18:53I'm a bit late.
00:18:54I'll see you tonight though.
00:18:55Maybe I'll have a fluffy sweet robe waiting for you.
00:19:01Hey man.
00:19:02What's up?
00:19:03The new cameras are installed.
00:19:05That one's high definition.
00:19:07Keeps an eye on the mailboxes.
00:19:09Cool.
00:19:10I'll be sure to be on my best behavior and walk through.
00:19:13The reason why I mentioned that was because we as a board have decided that an assessment
00:19:20was necessary to pay for these enhancements.
00:19:22I saw the Facebook update on it.
00:19:24Totally on board with the board.
00:19:26Your last payment was the old amount.
00:19:30Oh, I got you.
00:19:32I'll update the amount tonight for sure.
00:19:34You have a package.
00:19:36Oh, nice.
00:19:37I'll grab it on my way back.
00:19:40Enjoy the day man.
00:20:07And then the host Ciao.
00:20:08I'm a fit.
00:20:10I'm gonna punch myself up to go away.
00:20:13Bye.
00:20:14Peace out.
00:20:16The most sight of my car bar cafe?
00:20:17I'm ready to spend five hours in life.
00:20:19Like to see my car.
00:20:21Come here.
00:20:23There is a way too.
00:20:24Yeah.
00:20:25Thanks for coming up.
00:20:44You didn't grab my package.
00:20:46No.
00:20:48All I saw down there was this.
00:20:50Can you show me how to access the security camera footage?
00:20:53Sure.
00:20:53I'm pretty sure somebody grabbed it by mistake.
00:20:58I knew I should have grabbed that package.
00:21:01You know, Michelle and 2E had a package stolen last week.
00:21:04But that was before we installed the cameras.
00:21:07Anything valuable?
00:21:09Not anything too expensive.
00:21:11Not sure what their policy is on stolen packages, though.
00:21:16What floor is this guy on?
00:21:19He doesn't look familiar.
00:21:23Ha!
00:21:26There!
00:21:27Who the?
00:21:29Is he actually opening my package in the lobby?
00:21:34Veerspankin'?
00:21:36Um...
00:21:40Um...
00:21:41Uh...
00:21:43Yeah.
00:21:45It was a bit of an impulse buy.
00:21:48It's actually...
00:21:50Well...
00:21:51It's a...
00:21:52It's a sex toy.
00:21:54For men.
00:21:56For your butt?
00:21:56No, man.
00:21:57Not for my butt.
00:21:59It's a toy that, you know, you would use to...
00:22:01Jerk off.
00:22:04It has a video.
00:22:05Go!
00:22:08Yeah.
00:22:09Yeah.
00:22:10Yeah.
00:22:14Yeah.
00:22:15Yeah.
00:22:19Yeah.
00:22:28Yeah.
00:22:32So, do I need to call the police and file a report?
00:22:45I don't think they deploy a task force to recover your van spunked.
00:22:51We're spankin'.
00:23:02That guy does look familiar.
00:23:05He probably lives nearby.
00:23:07Let me see that card.
00:23:15Robin Hood 2020 coming to you again.
00:23:17We got another package here.
00:23:19You know I rob from the rich and give to you, all my fans and followers.
00:23:23This package is courtesy of Mike Miller from 420 Bedford Avenue.
00:23:31Let's see what he got.
00:23:32Or shall I say, let's see what you get.
00:23:34Holy shit.
00:23:36This guy just steals packages and isn't made a YouTube channel about it?
00:23:41He has over 6,342,000 subscribers.
00:23:47What?
00:23:48Are you kidding?
00:23:49I don't want 6 million people knowing I ordered a sex toy.
00:23:54I need to stop this guy before he makes his next video.
00:23:57Can you zoom in on his face?
00:24:01Power of high definition.
00:24:04Power of high definition.
00:24:06Power of high definition.
00:24:07It's�おing, right?
00:24:08I'll be lucky.
00:24:09Never mind.
00:24:10Pissing people know you're Gentleman digging.
00:24:11I'll come up with Zara and tempe and see you guys as it were for education.
00:24:12I want you them all.
00:24:15Jesus is so Why was the sl details I got him more?
00:24:17But what was the last time...
00:24:18判断 insisted with there?
00:24:1916?
00:24:20How did I do that!?
00:24:21scène?
00:24:2280 tele tically?
00:24:23estimating.
00:24:25The way Is it meant to make music or music or research ever?
00:24:26He knows how the fuck?
00:24:27He answered.
00:24:28Hey! Don't touch those!
00:24:58You're a big fan!
00:25:10You're a big fan!
00:25:13You're a big fan!
00:25:22Hi, hon.
00:25:40Yeah, I'll be home in a minute.
00:25:45Hi, hon.
00:25:46Hi.
00:25:47These look delicious.
00:25:49Have we decided on fluffy nuggets yet?
00:25:50That's still undecided.
00:25:52You can try one.
00:25:53I've decided to explore the opinions of people who are not my boyfriend.
00:25:58I give unbiased opinions.
00:26:00Always have.
00:26:01And these?
00:26:03Did this guy steal something from us?
00:26:05Yeah, that guy stole my package and Todd was able to send me this photo from the camera feed in the lobby.
00:26:12Taking matters into your own hands, I see.
00:26:15Seems the police won't investigate theft below $100, so I inserted myself into the situation.
00:26:22What got you so motivated?
00:26:25That's a funny story.
00:26:28Go on.
00:26:29Um, it's actually something called a Verspankin.
00:26:33It's a sex toy.
00:26:38No, really?
00:26:41Well, thanks, but I'm pretty sure mine just needs new batteries, so...
00:26:46Yeah, uh, it's actually for guys.
00:26:54For your butt?
00:26:55No, it's not for my butt.
00:26:56Why does everyone think that?
00:26:58No, it's...
00:26:59Well, it's hard to explain.
00:27:00There is a video, but it's not for my butt.
00:27:02Video?
00:27:02Wait, what do you mean everyone?
00:27:06Todd was also confused about it.
00:27:09Todd, I'm glad you're so comfortable sharing, but perhaps we keep things related to our sex life to ourselves?
00:27:18Absolutely.
00:27:19It's not that I was oversharing, but he was helping me access the...
00:27:22And, well, he pried it out of me.
00:27:25Maybe not the best choice of words.
00:27:28I have to head to the board meeting.
00:27:30I just know that if Jennifer likes these, she'll mention it to her sister, the one with the blog.
00:27:35I eat my happiness?
00:27:36No, it's called happy eats.
00:27:38I'm just going to grab one more before you go.
00:27:42No, no.
00:27:43Jennifer didn't get one last time, so this time I'm bringing one for everyone.
00:27:48But maybe if you water the plants, you won't be missing that for spent after all.
00:27:54For spanking.
00:27:56Yeah, that.
00:27:58Bye.
00:28:08Coming.
00:28:14Coming.
00:28:16What did Poochie forget?
00:28:18What did Poochie forget?
00:28:18Hi, Evan.
00:28:40Come in.
00:28:41Thanks for coming.
00:28:42We're just waiting on Samantha to get started.
00:28:45Hi, Todd.
00:28:48Well, hello there.
00:28:50Hello there to you, too.
00:28:53I hope the last night wasn't too...
00:28:54No, no, it was fun.
00:28:55I'm sorry I didn't stay.
00:28:58I just really love my bed, and it is surprisingly easy and welcome.
00:29:02Yeah, that's very true.
00:29:05I am slowly getting used to having the whole bed to myself as well, so...
00:29:08Well, it's a nice adjustment.
00:29:10Trust me.
00:29:10Yeah.
00:29:11Hey, guys.
00:29:13I come bearing gifts.
00:29:17Splendid.
00:29:21These look good.
00:29:23Are these chocolate eclairs?
00:29:25Uh, no, it's a new creation.
00:29:27I'm thinking of calling them fluffy nuggets.
00:29:31Branding is very important.
00:29:34Mmm.
00:29:36Oh, yeah, these are very good.
00:29:38Anna?
00:29:39Oh, no, I can't.
00:29:40But, um, Evan can have mine.
00:29:42Oh, perfect.
00:29:45I'd be happy to share the recipe on your sister's blog if you like them.
00:29:48Oh, yeah, I'll try one in just a second.
00:29:50I just want to bring the board meeting into order.
00:29:52We have a few things to cover, including interviewing somebody for the new doorman position.
00:29:57That'll be good to have.
00:29:58Another package was stolen from the lobby earlier today.
00:30:01Again?
00:30:03Sean had something stolen.
00:30:05Oh, no, what was it?
00:30:08It's nothing important.
00:30:09It's just something he ordered online.
00:30:11Did the cameras pick it up?
00:30:13Yes.
00:30:13Power of high definition.
00:30:15Have you posted the picture on the building's Facebook page?
00:30:17People should be on alert in case he returns.
00:30:19Sure.
00:30:19And speaking of unsavory people in our building, I would like to raise the issue of people renting out their apartments on Airbnb.
00:30:26Who's renting out their apartments?
00:30:28Naveen and 2B, for one.
00:30:29He has somebody new in there every week.
00:30:31And I just can't get comfortable with strangers in the building.
00:30:34Oh, that must be our guy.
00:30:42Everyone, this is Vladimir.
00:30:44Hi.
00:30:45You can call me Vlad.
00:30:46Thank you for coming.
00:30:54I see you come with a lot of experience.
00:30:59Perhaps you can start by telling us what interested you in this position.
00:31:02Being a doorman in Manhattan is a young man's game.
00:31:10Your job post mentioned a chair.
00:31:15I will happily come to Williamsburg for the occasional sitting in the chair.
00:31:22Um, I see you worked in the Dakota in the late 70s.
00:31:28I can only imagine those stories.
00:31:30Which I will take to the grave.
00:31:32A doorman who shares his secrets is no better than...
00:31:37I'm not sure who that could possibly be.
00:31:42Not sure what your plans are later, but I was thinking about going out to the...
00:31:47What is she doing here?
00:31:50Hi, everyone.
00:31:51I'm so sorry I'm late.
00:31:52Can we, uh, pause for a minute?
00:31:54Can we talk?
00:32:02You flirting with Anna already?
00:32:04That didn't take long.
00:32:04What are you doing here?
00:32:06I'm still a member of the board.
00:32:07Yeah, you moved out.
00:32:08So what?
00:32:09My name is on the mortgage and I want to protect my investment.
00:32:11I told you I would buy your half.
00:32:13Okay.
00:32:14When we finalize the price and you pay me my half, I will gladly step down.
00:32:21Sorry I'm late, everyone.
00:32:22Do you have another chair?
00:32:24We didn't think you were coming.
00:32:25Um, or else I would have grabbed another chair from the other room.
00:32:28Just wait one second.
00:32:31Excuse me.
00:32:32Would you mind sitting on this?
00:32:37It shouldn't be a long meeting.
00:32:39Happy to work out my core while I'm here.
00:32:43Okay.
00:32:45Sorry about that.
00:32:46We were just interviewing Vlad about the new doorman position.
00:32:48Great.
00:32:49Hello.
00:32:49So, perhaps you can tell us what you think your experience can bring to the 190 Lorimer.
00:32:56I have not lost single package in 30 years.
00:33:00I remember names with a handshake and I know then to look the other way.
00:33:07I feel extra responsible for residents, like parent.
00:33:13I once flushed coke down toilet faster than I can say to officer, what coke?
00:33:19That's sugar.
00:33:21I saved him a lot of trouble.
00:33:23There was a time I deliver baby in lobby.
00:33:28Not so common in this country, no?
00:33:30Well, it was boy, which is better than girl.
00:33:39Are you two fucking?
00:33:42What the hell, Tracy?
00:33:44Not appropriate at all.
00:33:46Yeah, Evan and I are not involved at all.
00:33:48I want Evan to tell me that.
00:33:50Go ahead.
00:33:51This is not the appropriate time to have this conversation.
00:33:55Besides, you moved out.
00:33:56I will lose my shit right now if you don't answer me.
00:34:00Just so we can move on.
00:34:02Nobody, Anna included, has slept with me.
00:34:08I just thought when I...
00:34:10Sorry about that.
00:34:12Just been a crazy few weeks is all.
00:34:15I don't mean to be insensitive, but don't you think Evan would simply lie given the circumstances?
00:34:21He can't lie.
00:34:22Like, physically, his right eyebrow twitches anytime he lies.
00:34:25I have no reason to lie.
00:34:28Now, can we please move past this ridiculous scene that you were causing?
00:34:34You are saying?
00:34:36In this job, you are constantly learning and growing.
00:34:41Are you trying to be slick?
00:34:42What is it now?
00:34:43You said nobody had slept with you.
00:34:45Yeah, so?
00:34:46Nice try.
00:34:47Answer me this.
00:34:48Have you and Anna had sex?
00:34:49I have already said Anna and I have not had intercourse.
00:34:53No twitch.
00:34:56Can we move on with this, please?
00:34:57See what he's doing?
00:34:58He's trying to narrow his answer.
00:35:00What is it?
00:35:01You get a blowjob?
00:35:02She looks like the blowjob type.
00:35:04You're embarrassing yourself.
00:35:05Answer me!
00:35:06No!
00:35:06Anna has not given me a blowjob.
00:35:09Seriously, this is crazy.
00:35:11Back to the interview.
00:35:13No twitch.
00:35:14As I said before, I will take all secrets with me to the grave.
00:35:20Really?
00:35:21A handjob?
00:35:22Is that it?
00:35:22That's cute.
00:35:23Tracy, you need to get a hold of yourself.
00:35:25Stop looking in my eye!
00:35:27No!
00:35:28No one has given me a handjob.
00:35:31All right, happy?
00:35:32Now you owe Anna and everyone else in this room an apology.
00:35:36I know you're hiding something.
00:35:37Stay away from Evan.
00:35:42Are you trying to kill me?
00:35:44Oh, don't exaggerate.
00:35:45No, you know I'm lactose intolerant.
00:35:47Nobody's ever died from an eclair.
00:35:50Fluffy nugget.
00:35:51What?
00:35:51Consistent branding's important.
00:35:53You know what?
00:35:53A foot job.
00:35:55What?
00:35:55Yeah, I jerked your ex-boyfriend off with my feet.
00:35:58Happy?
00:36:01See, I knew they were up to something.
00:36:05I think I better go as well.
00:36:06Vlad gets my vote.
00:36:12Does this mean I have job?
00:36:27Here you go, sir.
00:36:28You have to use a machine, miss.
00:36:31I don't know.
00:36:33These.
00:36:33Ah, yes, yes.
00:36:35Aspetta, eh.
00:36:39One second, you have to hit credit card in a TV screen here.
00:36:43No, no, I don't understand.
00:36:44I'm sorry.
00:36:47What?
00:36:48Okay, it's right here.
00:36:49You hit credit.
00:36:51Ah, I got it.
00:36:54Okay.
00:36:55Can I go now?
00:36:56Okay.
00:36:58Good?
00:37:00Here you go.
00:37:00Yeah, thank you.
00:37:02What do you say?
00:37:05Do you call him?
00:37:06Yes.
00:37:07Okay.
00:37:13Yeah, we are outside.
00:37:16Okay.
00:37:17Great.
00:37:19He's coming downstairs to get us.
00:37:21It's a nice building.
00:37:22Perhaps Marco was right in choosing Williamsburg.
00:37:24Maybe.
00:37:25Hi.
00:37:25Hi.
00:37:26Can I help you?
00:37:27Oh, no, thank you.
00:37:28We are just waiting for someone.
00:37:31Hi.
00:37:32So nice to see you again.
00:37:35Oh, it's been so long.
00:37:38Hey, Jennifer.
00:37:38Hi.
00:37:39Are you friends from Italy?
00:37:40Oh, well, I guess you guys got a lot to catch up on.
00:37:44Welcome to 190 Lormer.
00:37:46Come on in.
00:37:47Hope your flight in was okay.
00:37:48Yeah.
00:37:49Sorry about that earlier.
00:38:00Jennifer is just against Airbnb, so I just have to be a little smug.
00:38:03Is it a problem?
00:38:04No.
00:38:05No, no, no.
00:38:05But if anyone has to say we're friends.
00:38:08Sure, sure.
00:38:09So which one of you is Cara?
00:38:11That's me.
00:38:12Hello again.
00:38:12Hi.
00:38:13You don't look like a Marco.
00:38:14No, Marco couldn't come.
00:38:15I'm Leah.
00:38:16Hi, Leah.
00:38:17Welcome home.
00:38:18So this obviously is the kitchen.
00:38:20Help yourself to any food that's there.
00:38:22That is my room in there.
00:38:24And that's you guys up there.
00:38:26Nice.
00:38:27This is the key to the apartment.
00:38:29Okay.
00:38:29And the code to the gate downstairs is pound 0390.
00:38:35Pound is...
00:38:36As in hashtag?
00:38:38Oh, yeah.
00:38:39What do you guys have planned for the rest of the week?
00:38:41We're going to see everything.
00:38:42Yes.
00:38:42Uh-huh.
00:38:43First, MoMA, Highline, Chelsea Market.
00:38:46No Times Square?
00:38:49Oh, yeah.
00:38:50Well, stay away from Elmore.
00:38:53I would actually advise you to stay away from anyone in a costume.
00:38:56Okay.
00:38:57Yeah?
00:38:58Remember that.
00:38:59Enjoy your stay.
00:39:00Feel at home.
00:39:01And I'm going to be gone.
00:39:02Maybe I'll catch you later.
00:39:04Okay.
00:39:04Okay.
00:39:06Ciao.
00:39:06Good night.
00:39:07A little to the right.
00:39:32No, my right.
00:39:38Perfect.
00:39:40Okay, one down.
00:39:43How many of these do we need?
00:39:45I promise five a day.
00:39:47Simpietro is getting a little old for this.
00:39:50He's five.
00:39:52Besides, he's his favorite player, Buffon.
00:39:54Which also happens to be my dad's favorite player.
00:39:57You know, your dad is the one who really wants them.
00:40:00Obviously.
00:40:04Let's go into the bridge.
00:40:07Oh, it looks so pretty.
00:40:08Oh, wait.
00:40:10I'm not waiting.
00:40:11Oh, come on.
00:40:12Fine.
00:40:13Go ahead.
00:40:13Eat your ice cream.
00:40:16This is when I take the best shot ever.
00:40:20Boom.
00:40:21Let me see.
00:40:29Marco would have loved this.
00:40:31You know, he stops at every place we pass to get a sorbet.
00:40:36Roger Turin is impressive.
00:40:38Okay, I'm instituting a no Marco Ruo.
00:40:41Sorry.
00:40:42I just thought about it.
00:40:43The ice cream is good.
00:40:44The sorbeto?
00:40:45It's quite respectable, actually.
00:40:49You want to try it?
00:40:51Just this spoon, no?
00:40:56It's good, right?
00:40:57No, not bad.
00:40:58Yeah.
00:41:00Hey, it's Ali Fair.
00:41:02Come on.
00:41:04Now I'm going to get a double spoon because you're bad.
00:41:11I know how to cheer you up.
00:41:15What?
00:41:16Drinking and shopping.
00:41:18In that order.
00:41:18Let's try.
00:41:24Well, I need a box.
00:41:25What?
00:41:26I'm not going to drink that.
00:41:27The man promised me we're good.
00:41:29Yeah, right.
00:41:30You trusted him.
00:41:35You know what?
00:41:37Full glass.
00:41:39You are American and bachelor.
00:41:40That's right.
00:41:42Time to celebrate.
00:41:43Mm-hmm.
00:41:46Okay.
00:41:47Stop.
00:41:47Wow, that's...
00:41:48What?
00:41:50Chee-chee.
00:41:51Chee-chee.
00:41:51Chee-chee.
00:41:51Chee-chee.
00:41:52Excuse me.
00:41:55Shhh.
00:41:55I'm definitely positive.
00:41:57I'm going to get us in trouble.
00:42:00Picture time.
00:42:02Ah, best picture ever.
00:42:09You know what? Let's slam it in and go shopping.
00:42:21Welcome. Let me know if I can help you with anything. We have more sizes in the back.
00:42:26Okay, thank you.
00:42:28Great choice. We also have another print from that designer in the front. If you want me to grab it.
00:42:34No, thank you.
00:42:48I think I'm going to try this or not?
00:42:50It's cute.
00:42:57Cut! Cut!
00:43:09Cut!
00:43:12Have you tried anything?
00:43:13No, not yet.
00:43:15How am I?
00:43:16Perfect.
00:43:18Confirmed.
00:43:19I'll take it.
00:43:20Okay.
00:43:23You're not going to take it off?
00:43:24I like these more than what I was wearing.
00:43:29Ciao!
00:43:30I'd like to buy these dresses.
00:43:31Okay, great. I'm glad you found something you like.
00:43:33You need to take off the dress.
00:43:36Uh, maybe not.
00:43:38Oh, that's fine. I can ring you up. If you lean forward, I can remove the tag.
00:43:43My God.
00:43:46Oh, you'll also need to come around so I can remove the security device.
00:43:54Oh, boy.
00:43:58I so want to take my phone out.
00:44:14You're all set.
00:44:15Here's the receipt.
00:44:21This is nice.
00:44:22Yeah.
00:44:23It's beautiful.
00:44:24I want to take a picture of you with the dress and the...
00:44:29Okay.
00:44:30Skyline.
00:44:31Go ahead, okay?
00:44:34Let's do it properly.
00:44:36Oh, come on. Haven't we spoused our five photo quota?
00:44:38No, one more and this time you'll hold them.
00:44:41Where did your father get these, anyway?
00:44:43He didn't. Marco bought it.
00:44:45Marco?
00:44:46Yeah, for Petra's birthday.
00:44:48No wonder you keep bringing him up.
00:44:50Don't be stupid.
00:44:52No, I get it now.
00:44:53This isn't about taking photos for your brother.
00:44:56This is about bringing Marco along with you.
00:44:59I don't know what you're talking about.
00:45:01Cara, every photo is a reminder.
00:45:04You can't keep taking photos of this stupid doll.
00:45:07It's not healthy.
00:45:09What the fuck, Lea?
00:45:12Who the fuck do you think you are?
00:45:14You can't go in there.
00:45:15It's the East River.
00:45:16I'm gone.
00:45:18Cara, smettila.
00:45:19Esci fuori dall'acqua.
00:45:20Estai dita.
00:45:22Cara!
00:45:24Marco's going to make things right.
00:45:26He made a mistake, one mistake, but he's going to make things right.
00:45:30Cara, look at yourself.
00:45:31You're saving a bubble-ed from a river.
00:45:33He won't make things right, I told you.
00:45:36Cara...
00:45:37Stop it!
00:45:38Leave me alone.
00:45:39No!
00:45:44You ruined it.
00:45:45It's ruined.
00:45:49Cara, I'm sorry, but...
00:45:51It's a doll.
00:45:53It's not a doll.
00:45:54It's a doll.
00:45:55You're not stopping,
00:45:57no.
00:45:58I am so sorry, I know it is hard.
00:46:00I just miss him so much.
00:46:05He liked it...
00:46:06You didn't know he was only from me.
00:46:08Can you stand how I can take my nobody in the dust industry?
00:46:09Cara, I'm so sorry, I know it is hard.
00:46:22I just miss him so much.
00:46:25You know, we've been talking about this trip for over a year.
00:46:29About how romantic it was going to be.
00:46:34You deserve better, and it will happen.
00:46:38I promise.
00:46:43There is some good news out of this.
00:46:45What is it?
00:46:47The doll is no longer what Marco gave you.
00:46:50Now it's a reminder of our trip to New York.
00:46:53It's a monster.
00:46:56But it's our monster.
00:46:59Thank you, Lia, for coming.
00:47:02The thought of staying in Torino, of course I came.
00:47:07Think of all the excitement we've had.
00:47:09We haven't even made it to Manate.
00:47:12Take care.
00:47:14Look.
00:47:15I am afraid of her.
00:47:17I'm afraid to get married.
00:47:19I don't want to get married too.
00:47:21I can't.
00:47:22Ah...
00:47:23It's a little weird.
00:47:24It's a little weird too.
00:47:26Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:47:56Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit. No.
00:48:04Hi, I locked myself out of my apartment. Do you think I could borrow your phone?
00:48:09Yeah, of course. It's probably going to take a while for a locksmith to show up. You want to come in?
00:48:16Yeah. Thanks.
00:48:20I thankfully gave a swear to my friend who lives nearby. She just better pick up.
00:48:24Here, make yourself home.
00:48:28Thank you. This is so embarrassing.
00:48:32I'm Evan, by the way. Oh, sorry.
00:48:34I wish I'd introduced myself to you and your girlfriend when I first moved in.
00:48:37That would make this a lot less awkward.
00:48:39Please, please, please pick up.
00:48:41I like your slippers.
00:48:43Oh, thank you. They were a gift for a friend, but once I named them, I couldn't let them go.
00:48:47This one is Oscar, and this one...
00:48:50Oh, Jenny, thank God. I'm locked out of my apartment.
00:48:54Oh, it's my neighbor's phone.
00:48:57Um, stop laughing. I'm in my pajamas. It's not funny.
00:49:01Yeah, why?
00:49:03He has a girlfriend.
00:49:06Okay, then get dressed.
00:49:08Yes, now.
00:49:10Yes, I love you so, so, so much. Just please hurry up.
00:49:13Please, thank you, thank you.
00:49:15So, uh, no need to be alarmed, but my girlfriend and I recently broke up.
00:49:24That's what the boxes by the door are.
00:49:26You know, my friend was just being an idiot. She has a maternity level of a squirrel.
00:49:30Do you want a sweatshirt?
00:49:33Yes, please. I know we're neighbors and all, but I don't typically go out dressed like this.
00:49:39For a fellow Dubfire fan?
00:49:42No way! You're a Dubfire fan?
00:49:44I didn't think they were known outside of Austin.
00:49:46Well, I grew up in Round Rock.
00:49:48You know they're playing at the Oasis party tonight, right?
00:49:50I know, I'm so mad I couldn't get tickets.
00:49:56Uh, is everything okay?
00:49:58Uh, yeah, no, um, my ex is coming to grab her things right now.
00:50:05I don't mean to be weird, but would you mind waiting in the bathroom?
00:50:10It's just that she has a temper and, you know, rather than explain that you got locked,
00:50:14it'd just be easier this way.
00:50:16I could wait in the hallway if you prefer.
00:50:18No, it's just she's already in the hallway and I just don't want her to see you leaving the apartment.
00:50:23You know, it's fine. Never mind. I'll just, I'll explain.
00:50:25No, no, it's okay. I understand. Breakups can be tricky.
00:50:29Oh, okay.
00:50:35Coming!
00:50:38Hi, Tracy. No need to come in. I box the rest of your things.
00:50:41In fact, why don't I just help you bring this down?
00:50:44Ha, nice to see you too. Actually, can I just, um, is this bathroom?
00:50:48Uh, no, you can't.
00:50:51What?
00:50:52Uh, I actually, I have to go first.
00:50:54So, Tracy needs to go to the bathroom. I need to hide you.
00:51:08I thought I was hiding.
00:51:10Look, if you do this for me, I'll give you my friend's ticket to the Dubfire Show.
00:51:14Are you talking to yourself?
00:51:16Just saying a few mantras.
00:51:22It's all yours.
00:51:23This, I don't have to go first.
00:51:25I need to go first.
00:51:26Okay.
00:51:31Here you go.
00:51:33Oh, my.
00:51:35Mm.
00:51:37Okay.
00:51:38There you go.
00:51:39There you go.
00:51:41And I'll you go.
00:51:42What's wrong?
00:51:43I think you're out of soap.
00:52:01Uh, check under the sink.
00:52:04No, I don't see any.
00:52:06I'm just gonna use your shower gel.
00:52:13So, I've been thinking...
00:52:24What's that?
00:52:25Well, I've been talking to my therapist and...
00:52:27We don't need to have this conversation again.
00:52:30Just hear me out, okay?
00:52:32I feel like I need to take some responsibility for all of this and...
00:52:36Tracy, we really don't need to...
00:52:37I've reacted poorly and I can't help but think that, you know, maybe I was to blame.
00:52:41I felt like maybe you weren't attracted to me anymore or...
00:52:44I don't know.
00:52:45I just...
00:52:46I got really insecure.
00:52:47You know that's not...
00:52:50Erectile dysfunction is a really common problem and...
00:52:54And neither of us are to blame.
00:52:57And...
00:52:59I was just thinking that, you know, maybe...
00:53:03Tracy, what are you doing?
00:53:05Well, I just...
00:53:06I was just thinking that maybe I would be willing to try that...
00:53:10Well, you know, the thing.
00:53:12No, I don't know.
00:53:14The thing with the feet?
00:53:16That is...
00:53:17That's not...
00:53:18A thing!
00:53:19I...
00:53:20That was...
00:53:21That happened one time.
00:53:22But...
00:53:23It worked with her so I was thinking, you know, maybe it would work with us.
00:53:25Yeah, but that was not the only thing that was wrong with our relationship.
00:53:27Fuck you.
00:53:28Like your temper, for one thing.
00:53:30No.
00:53:31I'm Italian.
00:53:32Being fifty percent Italian doesn't give you the right to be a hundred percent an asshole.
00:53:35I didn't even want to do the thing with the feet.
00:53:37I was just saying that I was willing to try it because it was something that you needed!
00:53:42That...
00:53:43That's not something I need.
00:53:45I need you to get going.
00:53:47It's all in there.
00:53:49I'm just making sure.
00:53:51Where's my Dubfire sweatshirt?
00:53:54That's...
00:53:55That's my sweatshirt.
00:53:56But I bought it, so I want it back.
00:54:01Well, I threw it out.
00:54:04Bullshit.
00:54:05No, I didn't get rid of it because I was...
00:54:08I was mad or anything.
00:54:09I just...
00:54:10I got rid of it because...
00:54:11It reminded me of how sweet you could be.
00:54:13And...
00:54:14The nice memories that we have.
00:54:17My sensitive pool bear.
00:54:19We can still make nice memories.
00:54:26I was just locked out of my apartment and I just needed to use the phone as well.
00:54:33Anna, too far away being on the second floor?
00:54:36You had to find someone across the hall to fuck?
00:54:38I'm serious.
00:54:39Tracy, this isn't what it looks like.
00:54:40How many sluts can live in one building?
00:54:43Wait, and you gave her my sweatshirt?
00:54:45Another nice memory, asshole.
00:54:48Here, here.
00:54:49You can have it.
00:54:50I just...
00:54:51I was locked out of my pajamas and Evan saw that I was a Dubfire fan.
00:54:53Oh, that's cute.
00:54:54Did you get that trying to find yourself at Burning Man?
00:54:56Tracy.
00:54:57I'm leaving.
00:54:58Don't call.
00:55:04Then we will.
00:55:06Look, I should go meet my friend.
00:55:08She'll be here any minute.
00:55:10I'm sorry for getting you in trouble.
00:55:12Let me buy you a drink at the Dubfire concert and we'll call it even.
00:55:15Deal.
00:55:36No
00:55:48No
00:55:53No
00:55:56work
00:55:57No
00:56:01Hi, I'd like to come in for a pedicure as soon as you have available.
00:56:09Yeah, 3 p.m. is perfect.
00:56:12Morning, squirt gun.
00:56:27Mom.
00:56:28Morning, Aiden.
00:56:30How'd you sleep?
00:56:32I didn't sleep good.
00:56:34I don't like it here.
00:56:35You didn't sleep good or you didn't sleep well?
00:56:37How's my room?
00:56:39We just need to unpack some of your toys and you will love it here.
00:56:43I promise.
00:56:44You want some eggs?
00:56:46The sunny ones?
00:56:47Of course the sunny ones.
00:56:48Two please!
00:56:53Go change out of your pajamas, hon.
00:57:00Hi, Blair.
00:57:01Hi, darling.
00:57:02I'm sorry I missed your call.
00:57:03Went and tried a new salon.
00:57:04Big mistake.
00:57:05My day is in turmoil.
00:57:06It's not even 10.
00:57:07Are you free for lunch?
00:57:08Oh, sorry darling.
00:57:09I can't make it to Brooklyn today.
00:57:10I have Bikram at 11 and I've got to pick up Abigail at 4 but I promise to come see your
00:57:23new place very soon.
00:57:24Well, I'm actually going to be in the city today so I was-
00:57:26Why didn't you just say so?
00:57:28No, of course we could meet for brunch here.
00:57:30Were you thinking Daniel or Norma's?
00:57:32We're just still finalizing things so I thought maybe I'm placed a little less-
00:57:37Oh, of course, of course.
00:57:39Why don't you meet me at my rental?
00:57:41I'll have Daniela cook something.
00:57:42Sounds perfect.
00:57:43I actually have something to tell you.
00:57:46Is Michael dying?
00:57:48No, he's actually alive and well.
00:57:51Alive and well.
00:57:53Ain't ketchup?
00:57:56Anyway, listen, lunch sounds perfect.
00:57:59I'll see you or two.
00:58:01Okay, bye bye.
00:58:04There we go.
00:58:07Very welcome.
00:58:08Two cents.
00:58:14Take Dad home.
00:58:18Hi Dad!
00:58:19Hello, Dad.
00:58:20Looking forward to our weekend?
00:58:22I wanted to show you a new trick.
00:58:24But before I do it, buddy.
00:58:25Can you put Mom on for a minute?
00:58:27Mom!
00:58:28Dad wants to talk to you.
00:58:29I can hear you from here, Michael.
00:58:31Private tie, please.
00:58:37You're cutting it close, no?
00:58:39What if there's traffic?
00:58:41Why are you wearing a tie?
00:58:43The exhibit went really well.
00:58:45A couple wants to look at two of my pieces.
00:58:47Cassidy offered me to come together.
00:58:49Cassidy?
00:58:50Say, come on.
00:58:52She offered her help.
00:58:53As a friend.
00:58:54As a friend.
00:58:55I'm not going to engage her.
00:58:57And I'm not going to send our son off with some idiot.
00:59:01Can she even drive?
00:59:03Dammit, Julie.
00:59:04It was you who wanted to move to Williamsburg.
00:59:06And we set up these times for a reason.
00:59:09I would be more than happy to get Judge Stein's opinion on this.
00:59:12Look, James.
00:59:13We're freaking this out.
00:59:14This is important.
00:59:15Will you let Cassidy come or should I come get you later?
00:59:18Fine.
00:59:19But this is the first and last time somebody else comes and gets our son.
00:59:24Fine.
00:59:25Fine.
00:59:26Dish in the dishwasher, please.
00:59:27Yes, Mom.
00:59:28Come on out.
00:59:29I'm going to miss you, Squirt Gun.
00:59:30Daddy's assistant is going to take you into the city because he has some extra work.
00:59:31I'm going to miss you, Squirt Gun.
00:59:32I'm going to miss you, Squirt Gun.
00:59:33Daddy's assistant is going to take you into the city because he has some extra work to do.
01:00:00Let me ask you a question.
01:00:03Is Cassidy around on the weekends when you're with Daddy?
01:00:07No.
01:00:08Why?
01:00:09Nothing.
01:00:10Just wanted to make sure that you and Daddy are spending good time together.
01:00:14We're going to the new skate park for the peer leader today.
01:00:17You are?
01:00:18That's so exciting.
01:00:19You know what I'm going to say next, though.
01:00:22Yes, Mom.
01:00:23I'll wear my helmet.
01:00:25That's my boy.
01:00:30Hi, Ms. Gaba.
01:00:31Just a minute.
01:00:32I'm going to miss you.
01:00:33Call me if you knew anything, alright?
01:00:34Yes, Mom.
01:00:35Okay.
01:00:36Hey, Daddy.
01:00:37Let's go.
01:00:38Chapter 2.
01:00:39Attracting Abundance.
01:00:40We will learn how to attract abundance of love, beauty, and grace.
01:00:47An abundant mindset requires a shift in perspective no less profound than a caterpillar transforming
01:00:54into a butterfly.
01:00:55A being once confined to the ground is able to fly.
01:00:56But just as a butterfly does not return to its prior self, we, too, must not return to
01:00:57our own self.
01:00:58We, too, must not return to our own self.
01:00:59We will learn how to attract abundance of love, beauty, and grace.
01:01:04We will learn how to attract abundance of love, beauty, and grace.
01:01:05An abundant mindset requires a shift in perspective no less profound than a caterpillar transforming
01:01:12into a butterfly.
01:01:14A being once confined to the ground is able to fly.
01:01:18But just as a butterfly does not return to its prior self, we, too, must not return to
01:01:25our old ways of being.
01:01:27You will experience your life with an openness far beyond those who simply rely on what their
01:01:34eyes can't see.
01:01:44Darling!
01:01:45Hi, Blair.
01:01:46So good to see you.
01:01:49Hi.
01:01:50Welcome!
01:01:51I'm sorry my place is so cramped.
01:01:53The new place was, of course, supposed to be ready three months ago.
01:01:56Oh, it's nice.
01:01:57Look at this view.
01:01:58Come, come.
01:01:59So, how's it going?
01:02:08I have one week of unpacking left and, um, Aiden's having a tough transition.
01:02:14Oh, I hear kids love Brooklyn.
01:02:16Did I make a mistake, Blair?
01:02:18What are you talking about?
01:02:20I mean, I would need two Xanax to get on the L-Train, but that's what Ubers are for.
01:02:24I am the oldest person there.
01:02:26There are no kids Aiden's age.
01:02:28And none of my friends will make the trek out to Williamsburg to visit me.
01:02:32Honey, I'll come visit you.
01:02:33I promise.
01:02:34It's just that things have been extra busy these days.
01:02:37Daniella, we're ready for lunch.
01:02:38Be right there.
01:02:48What can I get you to drink?
01:02:49Well, being as Julia has news, I think we'll have a bottle of the Chevly.
01:02:53No, no, no, no.
01:02:54Really, it's not that important.
01:02:59So, what's the news?
01:03:02I've decided to go back to the stage.
01:03:04You got a show?
01:03:05Oh, my gosh.
01:03:06Where?
01:03:07No, we did not get a show yet, but I did get an audition this afternoon for a reinterpretation
01:03:11of Streetcar.
01:03:12Okay.
01:03:13And I played Blanche in a production when I met Michael.
01:03:15No, no.
01:03:16So, I remember.
01:03:17I think it is great that you're jumping right back in.
01:03:19I just thought, I don't know, maybe being cast in the same show might be fate.
01:03:24Speaking of fate, thank you.
01:03:27Just in time for a toast.
01:03:29To my friend Julia, may life bring you all that you desire and a little extra for me.
01:03:44I haven't stocked any respectable wines in the new apartment yet.
01:03:48Maybe that's why I don't have the eats.
01:03:50No.
01:03:51It's true.
01:03:52A well-stocked wine cabinet makes a house a home.
01:03:59Hey, Julia.
01:04:00Hey.
01:04:06This is Julia Carver.
01:04:11Hello.
01:04:12I can give an introduction before we begin.
01:04:17I am Hans.
01:04:19And I will direct this piece.
01:04:22The production will focus on desire.
01:04:26Desire not only of the characters, but of the audience.
01:04:30Thus, the second act will be staged entirely in the nude.
01:04:34All the actors will be naked?
01:04:37Yes.
01:04:40She doesn't get it.
01:04:42No, no, no, no.
01:04:43It's very interesting.
01:04:44It will be magnificent.
01:04:47Once everyone is in the nude, the real provocation begins.
01:04:52There's rumors about your character spread.
01:04:54Paint and charcoal will be thrown on her that's representing her entrance into insanity.
01:05:01Yeah.
01:05:03And so, in the final scene with Stanley and Blanche, we will have the actor who plays Stanley shave your head.
01:05:11So, let's begin.
01:05:14Setting intentions informs the universe, which in turn will respond.
01:05:21You must be open for the path to be illuminated.
01:05:25It may feel as if you're sitting in the dark.
01:05:29But, think of an owl that is able to see while others are unable.
01:05:35You too must find a way to see the right path.
01:05:38Find the owl.
01:05:44Find the fucking owl?
01:05:47What about pigeons?
01:05:50We have pigeons.
01:05:52Fuck.
01:05:54You shouldn't be in here.
01:05:57This one's yours?
01:05:59No, mine's the one over there with the great view of the brick wall.
01:06:03It's just that, um, Nicole in 1A, she tells the board if we use her space she's not too good at sharing, so.
01:06:12It's okay. I'm wrapping it up.
01:06:15You just moved into 2E, right?
01:06:17That's me.
01:06:19What brings you to Williamsburg?
01:06:21Divorce.
01:06:22Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
01:06:26Is that why you're sitting on the floor?
01:06:29No, just, uh, just one of those days.
01:06:33Still adjusting.
01:06:34And, I had the audition from hell today.
01:06:39Oh, you're an actress.
01:06:42I don't know.
01:06:49You want some wine?
01:06:50The guy at the, uh, wine store put plastic cups in the bag.
01:06:55I'm not really sure what that says about me, but, um, there's one in here somewhere.
01:07:02The skyline is so beautiful with the air so clear.
01:07:19Come on, you can see.
01:07:24Is that an owl?
01:07:26Oh, yeah, it's kind of my thing.
01:07:32No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:07:37It's not you, it's not you, it's not you.
01:07:39I've been looking for an owl.
01:08:00Thank you for the wine.
01:08:02Damien downstairs is having a party if you want to come check it out.
01:08:06Thank you, but I'm going to finish my cup of wine and head home.
01:08:10Come on, you can meet people to potentially borrow some sugar from in the future.
01:08:15Thanks, but I'm good. I appreciate it though.
01:08:19Great.
01:08:21Um, Anna, 1C.
01:08:26Julia.
01:08:27Chewy.
01:08:28Welcome to 190 Lorbe.
01:08:33Yeah.
01:08:41QOV will be finished by Tuesday, it's mainly headcount, cost savings should be realized
01:08:57in 18 months.
01:08:59Andrew?
01:09:01Sorry.
01:09:02It's not like it's Apollo we're up against, it's Cresslake Capital for fuck's sake.
01:09:07If I have to spoon feed management like a little baby sucking on my teeth, I will.
01:09:14James.
01:09:15James.
01:09:16I gotta go, other business take care.
01:09:18Yes, fucker.
01:09:20Alright.
01:09:21Call me back.
01:09:22Ian.
01:09:23Yeah.
01:09:24Yeah.
01:09:25You're late.
01:09:26I'm so sorry.
01:09:27You know, trying to get here from New Jersey, it's like a modern day odyssey.
01:09:29You learn to master time, or time masters you.
01:09:33Okay.
01:09:34The building looks dope.
01:09:36Yeah, yeah, you know the apartment layout is fantastic and the view from the terrace
01:09:41is just amazing.
01:09:42Do you want to check out the gym first?
01:09:44Yeah.
01:09:45Yeah, okay.
01:09:46And it actually comes with HBO as well.
01:09:49What do you think?
01:09:51Daddy's home.
01:09:52Nice.
01:09:53Are you looking mainly in Williamsburg?
01:09:55My girlfriend's been handling the search.
01:09:58Where are you guys living now?
01:10:00I'm in Wall Street, she's in Greenpoint.
01:10:02Oh.
01:10:03It's only been a month, but it feels right.
01:10:05Nice.
01:10:06Well, I don't know if you have your own furniture, but the place is fully furnished.
01:10:11Comes with the rent.
01:10:12That is a very comfortable bed.
01:10:15I have the same mattress, so it feels good.
01:10:21Yeah.
01:10:22Hey, my girlfriend's outside.
01:10:24How does she get in?
01:10:25Oh, hey.
01:10:26Looks like she's figuring it out.
01:10:27Why don't you go check out that terrace?
01:10:29I'll buzz her up.
01:10:30Cool, bro.
01:10:31Alright.
01:10:32Hi.
01:10:33Come on up.
01:10:34Hello?
01:10:36Hey, welcome.
01:10:38You're welcome.
01:10:41What'd I tell you?
01:10:47So, what do you think?
01:11:01It's not bad for Williamsburg.
01:11:02I still think Manhattan's the better play, though.
01:11:04Well, if you feel that way, there's a few other apartments I can show you downtown in Tribeca.
01:11:08Look at this terrace, babe.
01:11:10Look at how private it is.
01:11:12Just think of that for a minute.
01:11:17Don't fall in love, bro.
01:11:20We'll take it.
01:11:29What are you doing here?
01:11:31I came to let you know that I'm moving into the building.
01:11:34What?
01:11:35Yeah.
01:11:364B came available, so my boyfriend and I decided to take it.
01:11:39Boyfriend?
01:11:40Don't be all weird about this.
01:11:42I've moved on, and I see that you have, too.
01:11:46Anyway, I better get back.
01:11:49Moving's such a pain.
01:11:52Guess I'll be seeing you around.
01:11:58Who is it, babe?
01:12:00Tracy.
01:12:01What is she doing here?
01:12:02She's...moving back into the building.
01:12:05What?
01:12:06She said that you could keep the apartment.
01:12:08Yeah, no, she's, uh...
01:12:10She's moving into 4B.
01:12:13With her new boyfriend.
01:12:15Your ex-girlfriend is moving back into this building?
01:12:19I told you she was crazy.
01:12:21Still doing laundry on Sundays?
01:12:32You could say hi, you know.
01:12:38When are you sure where he knows?
01:12:42Andrew likes to keep it sexy.
01:12:44How are things with, what's her name?
01:12:48Uh...
01:12:49Sarah?
01:12:50Well, she hasn't started throwing pastries yet.
01:12:52That wasn't my finest moment.
01:12:54But I'm happy to hear that, um, Anna survived, you know, being that she was lactose intolerant and all.
01:13:00So, what is your boyfriend thinking about us all being in the same building?
01:13:08He doesn't know, and he's not going to.
01:13:10What am I supposed to say if I run into him?
01:13:11Whatever you want.
01:13:12That doesn't entail our failed relationship.
01:13:14I'm not the only one who could mention it to him, you know.
01:13:18Yeah, but you're the one that I'm going to blame if he finds out.
01:13:23Okay, well, I just think he should know.
01:13:34Split your legs.
01:13:35What?
01:13:36You gotta split your legs.
01:13:37You get better balance, you get better reps.
01:13:40Watch.
01:13:44You a personal trainer?
01:13:49Private equity, but, uh, I make YouTube fitness videos.
01:13:54Sell some merch.
01:13:55You know, gotta have a side hustle.
01:13:56Nice.
01:13:57Well, thanks for the tip.
01:13:58I'm, I'm Evan.
01:13:59Yeah.
01:14:02Hi, Anna.
01:14:03Hi, I'm Anna.
01:14:04Hey.
01:14:05You're new to the building, right?
01:14:06You know, I couldn't help but overhear that you're a personal trainer.
01:14:09I have been looking for someone who can commit to the schedule, a schedule, anything really.
01:14:14Well, I'm Andrew, and I just moved into 4B.
01:14:17Well, welcome to the building, Andrew, in 4B.
01:14:20I am sure I'll be seeing you in here.
01:14:24Did you just say you moved into apartment 4B?
01:14:26That's right.
01:14:27Yeah.
01:14:28Girlfriend found the spot.
01:14:29It's a dope apartment.
01:14:30Hey, uh, I'm all done here, but one more pro tip.
01:14:34Increase the weight.
01:14:36There's something you should know about your girlfriend.
01:14:40Her name is Tracy, right?
01:14:43Yeah, that's right.
01:14:44She, uh, she's really sweet.
01:14:49I ran into her over the weekend in the hallway when you guys were moving in, so it's just,
01:14:53uh, yeah.
01:14:54Welcome to the building.
01:14:55Thanks, bro-chacho.
01:14:56I love you, Evan.
01:15:06I love you, Tracy.
01:15:08I mean...
01:15:10Oh, it's okay.
01:15:11You want to roleplay?
01:15:13Y-yes?
01:15:14Now all I have to do is shrink my ass and act like a bitch!
01:15:17No, no, it's...
01:15:18Her moving in the building is so weird, you know?
01:15:21I'm just, I'm all messed up.
01:15:22Yeah, and here I was, about to suggest that we moved in together.
01:15:24Move in together?
01:15:25We've only been dating four weeks.
01:15:27Yeah, but our connection is so strong.
01:15:29Yeah, it's strong for four weeks.
01:15:32You know, maybe we should just take a break until I get my head straight.
01:15:36Oh, okay, Evan.
01:15:38That's fine.
01:15:39I mean, you need time to figure everything out, that's fine.
01:15:42Just, like, whatever.
01:15:43Take as much time as you need.
01:15:45Thanks, it's just...
01:15:46Go fuck yourself!
01:15:52What the hell?
01:16:13What the fuck?
01:16:16What the fuck?
01:16:17What the fuck?
01:16:19What the fuck?
01:16:42No, no.
01:16:43No, no.
01:16:44No, no.
01:16:45No, no.
01:16:45Holy shit.
01:16:52Fuck you, Evan!
01:16:59Fuck.
01:17:03Hi there.
01:17:06How was that?
01:17:09Nothing, you just scared me.
01:17:12I thought you quit.
01:17:15Oh, I did.
01:17:18Things got complicated.
01:17:21Okay, Mr. Drama.
01:17:24Let me have a puff.
01:17:26It's not about you this time, at least.
01:17:29Sandy giving you trouble?
01:17:31Sarah?
01:17:35Don't you find it confusing
01:17:38getting back in the same building together?
01:17:41We have a lot of memories here.
01:17:43I call bullshit.
01:17:45I mean, you don't seem to be having too much trouble making new memories.
01:17:49But I promise never to have sex in the pump room.
01:17:52That's ours.
01:17:54See? It's not so hard.
01:17:57Seeing you here, it's um...
01:18:00Go on?
01:18:01Nothing. I'll get used to it.
01:18:05I'm glad you found someone to make you happy.
01:18:08Thank you, Evan. That means a lot.
01:18:11You know, Tracy, I uh...
01:18:13I want to apologize.
01:18:15About being so critical.
01:18:17About your temper.
01:18:18You know, honestly, I played a big part in it.
01:18:21And...
01:18:23In retrospect, it really wasn't so bad.
01:18:26Thank you?
01:18:29Anyways.
01:18:31See you later.
01:18:33You know how I feel about form.
01:18:43I'd rather do 8 quality reps than 12 sloppies.
01:18:47The minute you notice your form falter, put the weight down.
01:18:50Performance X is all about precision of the body and the mind.
01:18:54Now, focus on these last 3...
01:18:572...
01:18:591...
01:19:00And done.
01:19:02Good workout today.
01:19:04Now, don't forget about your 5-minute mantra meditation, brochachos.
01:19:08I am whole.
01:19:10I am crushing it.
01:19:12And I will see you here tomorrow for a new take on leg day.
01:19:15This is Andrew X, signing out.
01:19:18Boom. Boom.
01:19:24Hey babe, just finishing the V-log.
01:19:27I think we made a mistake with the apartment.
01:19:30I was just busting your balls.
01:19:31I mean, the commute sucks, but this place is legit.
01:19:35It's not that, it's just that...
01:19:37I never told you that I had recently broken up with someone when we first started dating.
01:19:43There's no need to confess.
01:19:45I was dating other people too, and now it's just you, and we've got this place.
01:19:49I just, I wonder how long it'll take him to move on, you know?
01:19:51It seems to take time, but out of sight, out of mind.
01:19:54Yeah, no, that's the part that might be a little difficult, the out of sight part.
01:19:57Don't you guys work together?
01:19:58No.
01:19:59You got the same group of friends?
01:20:00He lives in the building.
01:20:01What building?
01:20:02This building.
01:20:03You and your ex-boyfriend moved into the same building at the same time.
01:20:05What are the chances of that?
01:20:07Not very good.
01:20:08I knew he lived in the building.
01:20:10Because I used to live with him.
01:20:13What?
01:20:15I used to live in this building.
01:20:16With him?
01:20:17I'm sorry, it's just that I loved the building so much.
01:20:22And when we broke up, it was so sudden.
01:20:24And I was just like, you know what?
01:20:26I don't want the apartment.
01:20:27You take it.
01:20:28And then I was like, what the fuck?
01:20:29Why would I let him have the apartment?
01:20:30You lived in this building with your ex-boyfriend.
01:20:33Well, ex-fiancee.
01:20:35But I'm thinking maybe it wasn't such a good idea.
01:20:39Because it's fucking crazy.
01:20:41No, you're crazy.
01:20:42Who moves in with someone after six weeks?
01:20:44We live in the same building.
01:20:46We live in the same building.
01:20:48We live in the same building.
01:20:50We live in the same building.
01:20:51It's getting hot in here.
01:20:52It's getting hot.
01:20:53Just breathe.
01:20:54It's getting hot in here.
01:20:55We live in the same building?
01:20:57Do you want me to get you a drink?
01:20:59It's getting hot in here.
01:21:00Yeah.
01:21:02Give me some water.
01:21:03Please, because it's getting fucking hot in here.
01:21:06Jesus, it's getting hot in here.
01:21:08Oh my goodness.
01:21:09Where is the mirror?
01:21:10Here's my mirror.
01:21:11Here's my mirror.
01:21:12Here's my mirror.
01:21:14I am whole.
01:21:17I am crushing it.
01:21:19I am whole.
01:21:20Should I call someone?
01:21:21I am crushing it.
01:21:22I am whole.
01:21:23I am crushing it.
01:21:25I am whole.
01:21:26I am crushing it.
01:21:28I am whole.
01:21:29I am crushing it.
01:21:31I am whole.
01:21:32I am crushing it.
01:21:34Are you okay?
01:21:36I am whole.
01:21:37Do you want me to get someone?
01:21:39I...am...crushing it.
01:21:45Are you okay?
01:21:51You had me worried. I'm really sorry. I know it wasn't the best decision.
01:21:57Have a seat.
01:22:09Tracy, the principles of proformance X state that one must be calm and satisfied within to make rational decisions needed to live a happy and successful life.
01:22:27And when viewed from the posterior, bad decisions can highlight turmoil within.
01:22:33I love you, Tracy, but I think you have some soul-searching to do.
01:22:37Now come give me a hug.
01:22:40As you continue on your journey.
01:22:44Where is that journey to exactly?
01:22:49You must venture out and find your way.
01:22:56What's with this?
01:22:58Things don't work out with Sarah.
01:23:00Which I'm okay with, as I'm learning that spelling is not her strong suit.
01:23:03Well, um, I just came to tell you that I'm moving out. My apartment in Greenpoint is still available, so...
01:23:10Well, what about Andrew?
01:23:12It didn't work out. I'm starting to think maybe I wasn't ready for a new relationship.
01:23:16Yeah, I've kind of realized the same thing.
01:23:17You know, that box looks lovely heavy.
01:23:22Well, let me carry it for you and you can buy me a coffee or something.
01:23:25Where was this gentleman when we were together?
01:23:27Let's do it.
01:23:28Let's do it.
01:23:42Hi, uh, this is super embarrassing, but I locked myself out of my apartment. Can I borrow your phone?
01:23:47Can I borrow your phone?
01:24:17Will, can I borrow your phone?
01:24:21I don't know.
01:24:22I'll have to borrow my phone.
01:24:26It's really important.
01:24:28I'm filling out the top of my apartment.
01:24:30I'm doing something else.
01:24:32I'm going to borrow your phone.
01:24:34I'm gonna borrow it.
01:24:36I'm gonna borrow your phone.
01:24:38I'm gonna borrow your phone, you can borrow your phone, you can borrow your phone, you can borrow it.
01:24:42I'll borrow it, you can borrow it.
01:24:43We'll see you next time.
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