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00:00Stop moving! Hands up!
00:19Easy soldier. You have some coffee? This weather is freezing my balls.
00:30Sir, this con man was trying to talk his way into our secure facility.
00:47Con man, this is Damian Blaine, CEO of Atlas Defense Group, our top military contractor.
00:54He single-handedly controls the global arms trade.
00:57I'm sorry, sir. I'm a fool, sir. Please, sir, forgive me for my stupidity.
01:04Atta eve, soldier. Step aside.
01:15Gentlemen, your arsenal's best intercontinental ballistic missile takes 27 minutes to reach its target across the globe.
01:21Giving our enemies 27 minutes to prepare and launch retaliatory strikes. It's a weak spot, but we can't do any better. It's impossible.
01:30Impossible isn't in my vocabulary. We can do better. I have. I got it down from 27 minutes to only three.
01:43I thought you'd be skeptical. So how about a show and tell? Gentlemen, I present to you the Titan Missile.
01:50Now you can strike anywhere in the world in just three minutes.
01:54We'll do it again, sir. We'll take all of it. No matter the cost, we'll take it all.
02:09Thought you'd say so. Good.
02:11Before you leave, the President would like to host you for dinner.
02:14Well, I'm honored, but please tell the President I'm unavailable. Tonight, I have other plans.
02:19You're standing up, the President. What plans could be more important?
02:24Well, General, as you can imagine, I sell weapons for a living. And my father's worried that I'll die single.
02:31So tonight, I'm going on a date to find my future wife.
02:35When we get married and merge our family companies, your Olsen Group will double its value.
02:48And it's a win-win for me.
02:51Because I get richer and get to bow in a hottie like you anytime I want.
02:56Mmm.
03:02My father is forcing me to find a rich husband, but it won't be an immature frat boy like you trying to leech off my family.
03:09Get lost, creeps.
03:11Whatever.
03:15So, what do you do for a living?
03:18Well, uh, I'm...
03:21My father's demanding I settle down.
03:23But I don't want a wife when he wants me for my money.
03:26I'm in sales.
03:27What about you, Sarah?
03:28Sales?
03:30How much do you make?
03:32But does that really matter?
03:34Yeah.
03:36Okay.
03:38Um, in a good year, 50 or 60...
03:4160 grand?
03:43Good lord, you...
03:45You can't even get a one-bedroom rental on that.
03:48Oh.
03:50I cannot believe my daddy set me up with someone so...
03:53Too...
03:54Poor.
03:56Why don't we get to know each other a bit before discussing money?
03:59Mmm, pass.
04:00Money's the only thing that matters.
04:04What a waste of my time.
04:06I passed up dinner with the president for this day.
04:09Talk about a waste of time.
04:10And I meant 50 or 60 million.
04:12And...
04:18Had a bad date, huh?
04:21Tell me about it.
04:23I threw a drink in his face.
04:25My father is going to be furious and cut me off unless...
04:29I was just starting to like your smile.
04:32And he'll cut you off unless...
04:35This might sound crazy, but...
04:38I would make it worth your while.
04:41Would you want to...
04:43Get married?
04:47Married.
04:49You really bring new meaning to moving fast on the first day.
04:53Oh?
04:54Is this a date?
04:55It is a Friday night.
04:57It's a really nice place and...
05:01You look fantastic.
05:03This is the best date I've had in ages.
05:05Okay.
05:07Since it's a date, I'll get right to the getting to know me phase.
05:10My family's business is struggling.
05:12My father, a very traditional man, has got it in his head that the solution to our problems is marrying me off to some rich snob.
05:20I'm flattered, but what makes you think I fit the rich man profile?
05:26Doesn't matter.
05:27I don't care how much you make.
05:29I just need to get married to get my parents off my back while I fix our business.
05:33Contract marriage.
05:35Huh.
05:36That could work too.
05:37I know it's a crazy thing to ask, but I could pay you $10,000.
05:42All you'd have to do is play along and...
05:44That won't be necessary.
05:46I'd marry you for free.
05:51So, I suppose my soon-to-be wife should know my name.
05:55I'm Damien.
05:57Irish Solson.
05:59Pleasure to meet you.
06:00Pleasure to meet you.
06:02Hope you don't have any Christmas plans.
06:04Because as my fiancé, I need you to come meet my family.
06:08Looking forward to it.
06:15Mr. Damien, Merry Christmas.
06:17Merry Christmas.
06:18These are the Christmas gifts that you got for the Ulstons.
06:21They're worth hundreds of millions, so please let me securely deliver them to them.
06:25No need.
06:26I deliver them myself.
06:28But this is a company SUV.
06:30I'm a little confused.
06:32You're the Ulstons' honored guest and they didn't get you a car?
06:35Do they realize who you are?
06:37I haven't met the family or told them who I am yet.
06:39That's how I want it.
06:41I want them to know me for me.
06:43Rather than my money.
06:44All right.
06:45Whatever you say, sir.
06:53Yes?
06:54And you are?
06:56Mom.
06:57This is my husband.
06:58We were just talking about you.
07:00Merry Christmas, ma'am.
07:01I'm Damien.
07:02I was hoping it was all a bad dream, but you're really here.
07:06My daughter really married a poor salesman.
07:09Mom.
07:10Be respectful.
07:11I like him.
07:13Oh.
07:22This is Olsen.
07:24You're looking as lovely as ever.
07:27Oh, Marcus.
07:30What a lovely surprise.
07:32I didn't know you'd arrived.
07:33Um, what was your name again?
07:38Salesman.
07:39Oh, Damien.
07:40Yes, Damien.
07:41You should be honored.
07:43This is Marcus Walton.
07:45Heir to the Walton Group and the only man worthy of marrying my daughter.
07:50So, you chose to marry this, Iris?
08:00How...
08:02Bizarre.
08:03Bizarre.
08:04Bizarre.
08:05Yes.
08:07What can I say?
08:08My wife Iris has good taste.
08:11Don't be rude.
08:14Do you know who you're talking to?
08:16This man, the Walton Group, makes over a million dollars a month.
08:22You could probably never earn that much in an entire year.
08:27You'd be surprised.
08:29I'm sorry, Damien. This isn't...
08:31Don't bother, Mrs. Olsen.
08:33There's no point in trying to explain anything to someone like him.
08:37You're right, Marcus.
08:39Let's not waste our thoughts on such negative things.
08:42It's Christmas!
08:44It's Christmas.
08:47I'm sorry.
08:49Marcus is the douchebag my parents want me to marry.
08:53They only care about being rich and they hate people who aren't.
08:57That's why my mom's being rude to you.
08:59They have no idea what being rich means.
09:03Damien, are you upset?
09:05Please, you're not gonna back out of this, right?
09:07Oh, no, no, no.
09:08I'm all in.
09:10When I make a promise, I plan to keep it.
09:12I'd never screw you like that.
09:15I mean...
09:18Unless you consented first.
09:22If we get through this day with my family, I'll consent.
09:26To anything.
09:28And I'll even throw in an extra grand for putting up with my family.
09:32Well, I'm looking forward to it.
09:35But, Iris, I really don't need your money.
09:38I'm good.
09:39Iris, did you know Marcus is working on a deal with Harvey Lambert?
09:45No, Mom. I didn't.
09:47Because I don't even know who Mr. Lambert is.
09:50Harvey Lambert?
09:52He's only the second command, the world's largest defense contractor, Atlas.
10:01And with Mr. Lambert's support, we're gonna take the Walden Group worldwide.
10:08And quadruple our profits.
10:11Oh, you see, Iris, Marcus is very impressive.
10:15He's a mover and a shaker.
10:18He's the kind of man you should marry, not this salesman
10:23who could probably never get an appointment with someone as powerful as Harvey Lambert.
10:28I didn't realize Harvey was such a big deal to people outside the military.
10:32Harvey?
10:34In this house, we show respect.
10:36And you are not on a first-name basis with a man like...
10:40Oh, but I am.
10:43Harvey's an old friend.
10:48An old friend.
10:51That's not possible.
10:53Marcus, he's just a salesman.
10:55He's just making stuff up so he doesn't look bad in front of Iris.
10:58On the contrary.
11:02I feel bad for you, Iris.
11:04Not only is your husband unsuccessful, he's a compulsive liar.
11:10Shame.
11:11But don't worry, darling. If he's strapped for cash, I can hook him up.
11:14I can hook him up.
11:15I'm fine. Thank you.
11:18Oh, it's Christmas time.
11:21I could hook you up with a, uh, big boy job.
11:26You can clean toilets at my company.
11:29If you're lucky, he might just catch a glimpse of, uh, your old friend as he's leaving the bathroom.
11:34Marcus, stop it.
11:38I don't care that Damien is poor.
11:41He's much more of a man than you'll ever be.
11:43And I won't let you insult him like this.
11:47Thanks, babe.
11:49But, don't worry.
11:51They've got me all wrong.
11:52I actually, uh...
11:59What a coincidence.
12:02Uh, father is discussing business with Mr. Lambert.
12:07What a perfect way to prove that you're a liar.
12:11Dad?
12:12What?
12:13Mr. Lambert wants me to be there in person?
12:16I'll leave right away.
12:18Mr. Lambert isn't there yet, but, uh, he'd like me to join him.
12:23I'll just, uh, confirm with your old friend Harvey that he's never met you before, you little liar.
12:31Can't wait.
12:33And when you're ready to apologize, you know where to find me.
12:39You'll be apologizing to me.
12:41Alright, well, Mrs. Olsen, Iris, I'm afraid I have to chat, but I have, uh, business to conduct.
12:48Don't worry, I'll be back with your Christmas gifts.
12:58Iris, how could you have been so rude to Marcus?
13:02And Damien, you liar.
13:04Mom, stop it.
13:06We're gonna be late for Christmas at Grandpa's, let's just go.
13:17Merry Christmas, Amanda.
13:18Merry Christmas, cousin.
13:19I am so glad you did not bring that pathetic Liz.
13:24Merry Christmas.
13:30Merry Christmas, family.
13:33Who's this Rando?
13:34You must be Tom.
13:36Hi, I'm Damien.
13:37Iris' husband.
13:38So, you're the broke salesman who married Iris without even bothering to meet the family first?
13:47Oh, he doesn't care about Iris. He just married her for our money.
13:51Listen, guy, we all have a stake in this family business.
13:55You can't just waltz in here with Iris and steal it from us.
13:58I told you, Iris, darling, bringing this freeloader home was a mistake.
14:02Enough. It's Christmas.
14:05If you all can't be decent, my husband and I are gonna have to leave.
14:09Iris, don't be like that. We're just joking.
14:12You're the guest of honor tonight.
14:14You can't leave. Come on, come here.
14:22I'm sorry, Damien.
14:24My family's business is in trouble, and they were counting on Marcus to save us by marrying me off to him first.
14:29It's nothing personal. They just see you as standing in front of their money.
14:34It's amusing, actually. They're so against me, but they don't know anything about me.
14:39I know everything I need to know about you.
14:44Unlike the men they want me to be with, you're a good guy. You're doing great.
14:48This is the best few grand I've ever spent.
14:51Well, I'm just keeping my promise, and I really don't need your money.
14:55I'm having a really good time with you.
14:58You're special.
15:00And I feel bad.
15:02In a rush to get married, we never consummated our relationship.
15:06But maybe later tonight we can...
15:10Lensi Iris!
15:14Uh, who's that?
15:16Hi, Leslie.
15:18This is my new husband, Damien.
15:20Damien, this is my niece, Leslie.
15:22Merry Christmas, Uncle Damien.
15:24Merry Christmas, kiddo.
15:26I didn't know you had a niece. I wouldn't have brought her a gift.
15:28Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew!
15:30Whoa.
15:32Uncle Damien, my money home's empty.
15:34Can you give me some money to fill it up for Christmas?
15:35Oh, honey, you're asking the wrong man.
15:40He's just a broke, small-town loser.
15:43He doesn't have any cash for you.
15:45Do you, Damien?
15:47Leslie, Damien can't afford it.
15:49Daddy, what's a broke loser?
15:51Oh, it's just someone who's stupid and lazy and doesn't have enough to eat.
15:57Sounds sad, right?
15:59Oh, no. I'm really sorry, Uncle Damien. I shouldn't have asked.
16:01Tom.
16:03Leslie, your dad is joking.
16:05But maybe instead of something that costs money, Uncle Damien could take you somewhere.
16:10Now, Leslie, I'd love to fill your money gone.
16:12But I don't have any cash on me.
16:14But if you take this to the bank, they'll fill it up for you.
16:18Oh, Damien.
16:20You know the bank won't bother cashing a check that's worth less than the paper that it's printed on.
16:2550 grand.
16:2650 grand.
16:2850 grand.
16:3050 grand.
16:3250 grand.
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