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00:00We're so similar.
00:01We're both like Scotch, we're both awesome.
00:06Robin Scherbatsky and Barney Stinson
00:08Why couldn't these unconventional lovebirds make it work?
00:12The emotional stuff?
00:14It's not your thing.
00:15I thought I'd save you the trouble.
00:16Maybe I don't want to be saved to trouble.
00:18Maybe I want the trouble.
00:20How I Met Your Mother emphasized that these characters are two peas in a pod.
00:26They like all the same things, put friendship first, and are total commitment-phobes.
00:30Why are you so afraid of giving this a chance?
00:33Because I am scared of how much I like you.
00:36If anyone can make these two romance skeptics want to settle down, it's each other.
00:40He looks nice in a suit.
00:42She can handle her Scotch.
00:43He's my boyfriend.
00:45And she's my girlfriend.
00:47And the show builds to the climax of their wedding,
00:50setting the entire final season during the weekend of their nuptials.
00:54Our wedding is gonna be legendary.
00:58But after all that, the Robin and Barney romance culminates in a marriage that,
01:02we abruptly learn in the second-to-last episode, lasts only a few years.
01:07It was great.
01:08It was great.
01:09It was great.
01:10It was great.
01:11It was great.
01:12It was great.
01:13As jolting and unsatisfying as this was for fans who'd invested in the couple,
01:18in truth, something always felt a little off about the idea of Robin and Barney getting hitched.
01:23I'm wondering if this whole getting married thing is something I can go through with.
01:28And not just because the show creators had decided long ago that Robin and Ted were endgame.
01:34If we consider Robin and Barney's romantic pasts,
01:36it becomes pretty clear that neither of them is really suited to a hyper-traditional monogamous
01:42relationship.
01:43I'm married right now.
01:44Maybe ever.
01:45Marriage is stupid.
01:48Much of Robin and Barney's marital unhappiness appears to be the product of trying to force
01:52themselves into rigid cultural boxes that don't fit them.
01:56Here's our take on why Robin and Barney were never meant to end up married to each other,
02:01or for that fact, to anyone.
02:07To make sense of Robin and Barney as a couple, let's consider both as individuals, starting
02:25with the Barnacle himself.
02:27Oh yeah, you just know she likes it dirty.
02:30If you've watched even a few seconds of the early seasons of How I Met Your Mother, you
02:34would have rightly deduced that get married was the last thing on Barney's to-do list,
02:39somewhere below stop wearing suits and stop doing magic tricks.
02:43I know what you want.
02:45Magic.
02:47While Ted seems to have come out of the womb longing to settle down, Barney feels like a
02:52biological bachelor, and he's drawn to Robin precisely because she affirms many of the
03:02same values he holds.
03:04We both think the marriage commitment thing's a drag.
03:06We both want something casual and fun, and we clearly get along really well.
03:09Barney isn't looking for a wife, he's looking for a wingman, or wingwoman, that he's also
03:14really attracted to.
03:16Best wingman ever.
03:18This is actually part of the foundation of what's healthy about their relationship.
03:22Whereas Ted's romantic ambitions for Robin involve turning her into something she's
03:27not, Barney likes her for who she already is.
03:30You're the most awesome person I have ever known.
03:33Well, second most awesome.
03:34Still, this mindset doesn't always add up to a functional relationship pattern by conventional
03:39standards.
03:40How can you be in love and still be sleeping with anything that moves?
03:44I'm sorry, I don't follow you.
03:47No matter how accepting Robin is of Barney's love of women, at times it gets close to crossing
03:53a line.
03:54You haven't been acting like a guy who's about to get married, and I know you think
03:56it's okay because Robin's so cool, but I'm telling you, she's not as cool as you think
04:00she is.
04:01Meanwhile, Barney's other relationships in the show shine light on deep-seated issues that
04:06keep him from ever going the distance.
04:08I'm on board with the whole prenup thing.
04:11That's great.
04:12It's here to protect you too, sweetie, from becoming unappealing to me.
04:17The over-the-top prenup he tries to impose on Quinn before their wedding reveals his obsession
04:22with control and inability to trust.
04:25Barney, do you trust me?
04:27No.
04:28With Nora, he has trouble being honest about who he really is, then cheats on her with Robin.
04:33I cheated on you."
04:35And in addition to his problems with control and infidelity, Barney struggles with the
04:39very idea of being a conventional partner.
04:42I found out I'll never trust someone enough to get married.
04:45My single life is, and always will be, legend—wait for it.
04:52The whole reason that Robin seems to be the exception, disproving Barney's apparent inability
04:57to be a boyfriend or husband, is that she breaks from many typical relationship expectations.
05:02To my femininity.
05:04No, you're more of a bro.
05:07You're a dude, you're a man.
05:10While Ted criticizes Robin for making men feel like she doesn't need them, Barney thinks
05:14this is awesome.
05:15You're the least needy woman I've ever met, that's awesome.
05:19And unlike previous partners who wanted Barney to give up his bachelor ways, Robin eventually
05:24insists he keep his fortress of solitude just the way it is.
05:28If I ask you to change too many things about yourself, you're not going to be the man I
05:32fell in love with.
05:33So, ultimately, Barney and Robin fit precisely because both have a non-traditional style.
05:39And in their best moments, they work together to find their own way of being together, which
05:44doesn't have to adhere to other people's rules.
05:46Robin, thanks to you, I can now walk up to any girl and say whatever creepy, disgusting
05:52thing I want and totally get away with it.
05:54In the end, though, they're not able to win this battle against monogamous norms.
05:59Their first breakup comes about because Barney and Robin feel unable to be who they really
06:03are in the context of a traditional relationship.
06:06Two awesomes cancel each other out.
06:09I'm tired of being canceled out.
06:12And in the brief glimpse we get of their marital collapse, we see their partnership unraveling
06:17because they've again lost the ability to confidently do things their own way.
06:22Barney objects to Robin's constant traveling and work.
06:24This is so not great!
06:26I'm sorry that I have to work while I'm here.
06:29It's called being on assignment.
06:31But he's long known that independence and career ambition are two of her defining traits.
06:36So it's not so much that Barney can't accept these things about Robin as a person,
06:40it's that his new role as her husband casts her qualities in a new light,
06:45making him feel insecure and invalidated if she prioritizes her professional goals over
06:50time with him.
06:51Well, what about me?
06:52There's no Wi-Fi in this hotel.
06:54How am I supposed to run a business, Robin, with no Wi-Fi?
06:57In the end, Barney essentially confirms that his problem wasn't with Robin,
07:01but with lifetime commitment, when he says he doesn't see their divorce
07:05as some sign that he needs to change.
07:07I know there was a time when it seemed like I was capable of going the distance,
07:10but if it wasn't going to happen with Robin,
07:15then it's just not going to happen with anyone.
07:22Now, let's look at Robin's relationship history.
07:25Robin rejecting Ted's declaration of love on their first date
07:28is basically the inciting incident that gets the ball rolling on the whole series.
07:33I think I'm in love with you.
07:35What?
07:38Her initial reluctance to date this guy who's so obviously eager for a serious relationship
07:43is based on a clear understanding of her priorities.
07:46To focus on her journalism career,
07:48I'm a journalist.
07:49My career could take me anywhere, and I hope it does.
07:52protect her freedom to travel,
07:53and be open to future professional opportunities.
07:56Look, Ted, I don't know where I'm going to be in five years.
07:59And I don't want to know.
08:00I want my life to be an adventure.
08:02When Robin does finally give Ted the old college try,
08:05she once again has to pull away when it becomes impossible to ignore
08:09that she and Ted want wildly different things out of life.
08:12I don't want to have kids in Argentina.
08:14And I don't want to have kids in Argentina.
08:17In all of Robin's other relationships, too,
08:19we see that things end badly for her whenever she tries to change herself
08:23to fit a traditional relationship model.
08:25After she decides to turn down a dream job
08:27to put her love for her co-anchor Dawn first,
08:30she gets burned when he takes that same offer.
08:33Can you imagine what it's like to have the phone ring
08:35and it's your dream job on the other end?
08:38Yes.
08:39When she accepts Kevin's marriage proposal,
08:41he later takes it back after finding out that she can't have,
08:44and doesn't want, kids.
08:46So, he unproposed.
08:50Time and time again,
08:52Robin tries to become a more conventional girlfriend or wife,
08:55only to end up hurt or rejected.
08:57And in part, these relationships unravel
09:00because she can't keep convincingly playing the part
09:02of the supportive, self-sacrificing girlfriend or wife,
09:06which isn't who she is.
09:07Oh, Lily, you know me.
09:09I'm just not into all that couple-y stuff.
09:11One way or another, her desire for independence
09:14and her resistance to being vulnerable inevitably resurface.
09:18Robin, I don't get the sense you like being with me.
09:20I like being with you.
09:22Not as much as you like being alone.
09:23After her marriage to Barney ends,
09:25she gets to do exactly what she's always wanted to do,
09:28travel the world as a famous TV news reporter.
09:31Greece, Morocco, Moscow, yeah, worldwide news keeps me pretty busy.
09:36It makes sense that, when forced to choose
09:38between saving her marriage and living her dreams,
09:41she chooses the latter.
09:43Is this just not working anymore?
09:44And it should be viewed as a happy ending that this character,
09:47who let herself be talked out of what she knows she wants
09:50too many times, decided to be true to herself.
09:54I'm pretty famous, you're everywhere.
09:57I am not everywhere.
10:00Okay, I'm some places.
10:02Instead, leading up to its ending,
10:04the show seems to imply that Robin is being selfish
10:07by pursuing her career and that this focus is making her unhappy.
10:11A genuine Sherbatsky sighting out in nature.
10:14That's like seeing Sasquatch.
10:16No, Sasquatch is a warm and affectionate creature.
10:18At this point, Robin's more like the Yeti, cold and aloof.
10:21And this brings us to the other major obstacle
10:24to Barney's and Robin's romantic happiness.
10:26Of course, the specter of Ted.
10:29This ex who makes it clear that he's never stopped loving her,
10:32haunts all of her relationships,
10:34and even causes problems on the days before her wedding with Barney.
10:38It's ridiculous that you won't admit holding Robin's hand was weird.
10:41It wasn't weird!
10:42Yes, it was.
10:44Arguably, to Robin, Ted, the over-the-top romantic,
10:47represents the idea of settling down,
10:50and having that fairytale love in general.
10:53It's a goal that she's decided she doesn't want or need.
10:56I've never wanted kids, and never in a million years
11:00will I ever want kids.
11:01Yet, just as she can't quite ever reject Ted conclusively for good,
11:06she can't totally kick the idea that maybe this conventional prize
11:10is something she should want.
11:12If I was gonna have someone's babies,
11:16I'd have your babies.
11:17Thus, Robin's final reunion with Ted can be read in one of two opposite ways.
11:22In the first, Robin was meant to be with Ted all along.
11:26It's just taken her this long to get over her many relationship hangups,
11:29and admit that she's always really loved him.
11:32This is a story about how you're totally in love with Aunt Robin.
11:35The second reading of this resolution, however,
11:37is that Robin is, once and for all, truly surrendering.
11:41After a lot of resistance, she finally gives in to the damaging myth that
11:45monogamous commitment represents the only socially accepted,
11:49happy ending for a woman.
11:51Even though all of the evidence we've seen throughout the series suggests
11:55that this doesn't satisfy her.
11:57No guy's gonna say who's your daddy to Robin Scherbatsky,
11:59you're your own daddy.
12:01So you could argue that Barney and Robin's not ending up together
12:04ultimately can be explained by them buying into Ted's idea
12:08about what a relationship should look like, instead of their own.
12:11Oh my god, you just did it again, you just Mosby'd me.
12:13I did not.
12:14You did, you little minx.
12:16Ugh, okay, you're right, I did just Mosby you.
12:18And looking at our two portraits of Robin and Barney together,
12:21we can conclude that the end of their marriage shouldn't be viewed
12:24as some massive failure, but rather two people realizing
12:28that marriage wasn't serving their individual goals and desires.
12:32This isn't a failed marriage.
12:34It's a very successful marriage that happened to only last three years.
12:37Either we all get out of here, or no one does.
12:45Don't be a hero, Scherbatsky.
12:46What's most striking about Robin's and Barney's coupling
12:49is that these two have a ton in common.
12:52I'm such a mess.
12:56Why do you even like me?
12:57Cause you're almost as messed up as I am.
13:00They both appreciate finely aged whiskies and cigars imported from Cuba.
13:05I'll have a Johnny Walker Blue, neat, and a Monte Cristo, number two.
13:09They both have pretty significant daddy issues.
13:11Father issues, hot.
13:14Neither of them dreams of having kids.
13:16I think I want to have zero kids.
13:18Congratulations.
13:19Congratulations because the blood test came back and I'm not the father?
13:24Happy not a Father's Day!
13:26And of course, they both share Canadian ancestry.
13:29Which makes you...
13:30Don't say it.
13:31One quarter Canadian!
13:33Most of the time, these shared affinities add up to an amazing friendship
13:38that's complemented by mutual attraction.
13:40We have to have sex right now!
13:44A natural comparison to Robin and Barney are Rachel and Joey from Friends.
13:48I think I'm falling in love with you.
13:50Much like Robin and Barney, Rachel and Joey are very similar in temperament,
13:55considered the two hot ones in their group,
13:57and neither tends to overthink things like the neurotic Ross,
14:00who would correspond to Ted in this triangle.
14:02I don't want to be single, okay?
14:05I just want to be married again.
14:07I'm done being single.
14:09I'm not good at it.
14:10Ross has been in love with Rachel since he was a teenager.
14:13So, like Ted, he often seems to be in love with a certain idea of this girl.
14:19While Joey, like Barney, develops feelings that are based on actual friendship,
14:23and enjoying the person she truly is right now.
14:27I want her to be the mother of my children and spend eternity in her arms.
14:31She, I want to have sex with her at least one more time!
14:36But both of these romances were ultimately doomed by the problem of the neurotic professor,
14:40who apparently had dibs on ending up with the girl.
14:43I'm not saying I wasn't a little surprised to see you guys kissing.
14:49I mean, at first I was like,
14:51AHHHHHHHHH!
14:52Robin Mosby!
14:53Robin Stinson!
14:55Ted Scherbatsky!
14:56I'll take her name.
14:57I don't care.
14:58Friends never even really gave the Rachel-Joey relationship
15:01much chance to develop.
15:02What's the matter?
15:03I don't know.
15:04I'm sorry.
15:04I don't know why I did that.
15:07And in the end,
15:08Rachel and Joey consoled themselves with the idea that their friendship
15:11was too strong to give way to romance.
15:13Well, how come Monica and Chandler could do it?
15:16I guess they weren't as good friends as we are.
15:18Robin's and Barney's attraction got the opportunity
15:20to be explored in much more depth,
15:22but the suggestion that these two are, in essence,
15:25great friends also applies to this couple.
15:28Come on, Ted can't be pregnant.
15:30You need to have sex to get pregnant.
15:32What?
15:33Oh, freeze brain high five!
15:36Thus, when revisiting the supposed failure
15:39of Robin and Barney's marriage,
15:40it's worth considering that not every couple that loves each other
15:43needs to be married or even be monogamous.
15:46I feel the same way.
15:47I suck at relationships.
15:49Perhaps Barney and Robin would have done better
15:51to end up as some version of friends with benefits.
15:54We should figure out what this is.
15:56Yes, we should.
15:58Or.
15:59Or.
16:03The pressure to first define their relationship is external,
16:06in the form of Lily literally locking them in a bedroom
16:09and forcing them to choose a label.
16:11Let us out!
16:12No.
16:13Sit down.
16:14Define the relationship.
16:16Write down that definition on a piece of paper.
16:18And this reflects the show's deeply ingrained faith in the laws of monogamy,
16:22which are upheld by Ted Mosby and his long-term couple pals,
16:26Lily and Marshall.
16:27Marshall and I have been together 15 years,
16:30and the only debate we've had about Tommy Boy is whether it's awesome
16:34or super awesome.
16:36That's love, bitch.
16:38Ted's, Lily's, and Marshall's idea of a relationship
16:41requires Robin and Barney to sacrifice things which,
16:45to quote Barney,
16:46are awesome about themselves.
16:48I wanted to go to a concert.
16:50He wanted to go to a party.
16:51Obviously, we couldn't do what just one of us wanted,
16:53so we just stayed in.
16:55And that makes them feel like less good versions of themselves.
16:59Why do that fat guy and old lady keep stay-
17:05Oh my god, that's us!
17:07If Robin was able to confidently pursue her career
17:10without feeling like this was in direct contradiction to her role as a wife,
17:14then maybe she wouldn't have grown to resent Barney.
17:17And if Barney were able to occasionally indulge his desire
17:20for the Bachelor lifestyle to gather more content for his lifestyle blog,
17:24then he might not have felt so threatened by his wife
17:27traveling around the world and leaving him in a hotel room without Wi-Fi.
17:30Robin Trubosky, worldwide news anywhere but New York, apparently.
17:35But it's great.
17:36It makes things super difficult for us, but it's great.
17:39Both of their relationship issues were accelerated
17:41by the pressure of fitting into a marital mold
17:44that neither of them really wanted.
17:46Or maybe he bailed on the wedding.
17:47Oh, come on.
17:48Don't even think like that.
17:50He's terrified of commitment.
17:52Although, ironically, loves being tied down.
17:55It's worth noting that the show's official alternate ending,
17:58which was actually included on the DVD,
18:01implies that after Robin achieves the professional success she always dreamt of,
18:05she and Barney eventually get back together.
18:08Things fall apart.
18:10Things get put back together.
18:12And widespread fan outrage over the last-minute Ted and Robin reunion
18:16suggests that this alternate conclusion would have felt more satisfying to many.
18:21It offers us a world where Tracy, the woman who shares Ted's vision of a happy family,
18:26is truly framed as the love of his life.
18:29And there's space for Robin and Barney to each do what they need to do separately,
18:33while finding their way back to each other in their own unconventional fashion.
18:37So if you thought that Barney and Robin got a raw deal in the finale,
18:41consider wiping your memory of the original version,
18:44and making the alternate version of the ending the one true ending in your mind.
18:48This woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to.
18:54If you're new here, be sure to subscribe,
18:56and hit the bell to be notified about all of our new videos.
19:08And I'll see you next time.
19:15Bye.
19:17Bye.
19:19Bye.
19:21Bye.
19:23Bye.
19:25Bye.
19:27Bye.
19:29Bye.
19:31Bye.
19:33Bye.
19:35Bye.
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