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The.Neighborhood.S08E05

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00:00You did your thing with this pot rubble.
00:11Thank you, but as usual, I made too much.
00:15Well, Miss Tina, if you don't mind,
00:16I'd be happy to take the rest of this to the shelter.
00:19That is so sweet.
00:20Yeah.
00:22Yes.
00:23Yes, it is.
00:24And which shelter are you taking it to?
00:26The Cresthaven Men's Shelter.
00:29That's his apartment, Tina.
00:33Uh, uh-uh.
00:34Malcolm, you know the rules.
00:35No phones at the dinner table.
00:37I'm sorry, Mama.
00:38I'm just waiting on a work email.
00:40Yep, that's right, son.
00:42Family first.
00:44Hell yeah.
00:48Hell yeah what?
00:49Hell yeah.
00:50Family first.
00:51That's right.
00:55Mama, Daddy's watching the basketball game.
00:58What?
00:59You've got to be kidding me.
01:02Hey, see, see, that's why Malcolm's my favorite.
01:05And that's why I snitched.
01:14Malcolm, why are you getting work emails at 7 at night?
01:17Because the emails are coming from Dubai tomorrow morning.
01:21Who's from Dubai?
01:22What?
01:23Mercedes, the real housewife that I'm ghostwriting for.
01:27She's celebrating her divorce in Dubai, so the whole cast is there.
01:32She's divorcing Garnett already?
01:35He was her soulmate.
01:36He was her soulmate.
01:37Oh, my God.
01:38This season is going to be so good.
01:40Oh, my God.
01:41Well, apparently my book is not going to be good.
01:45Getting all these notes from my people saying that I'm not capturing her voice.
01:49Uh-huh.
01:50Well, here's an idea.
01:51Watch her damn show.
01:52Yeah, I already watched like a hundred viral clips.
01:57Now, all it is is a bunch of rich women who don't do anything, huh?
02:00Just brunch and Pilates, brunch and Pilates.
02:02Now, I'm not ghostwriting her autobiography.
02:05It's a romance novel.
02:06Malcolm, you have to watch her show to get her essence.
02:10She has layers.
02:12All right, fine.
02:15I will watch the show.
02:17Yeah.
02:18You've got to be kidding me.
02:20Amen.
02:21Amen.
02:22Amen.
02:27Calvin, give me the damn phone.
02:30Mm-hmm.
02:34Oh.
02:35That's my phone.
02:38Calvin, you got to get it back.
02:41I'm in the doghouse, Trey.
02:42Did you see where she put it?
02:44It's going to be at least a week before I get anything out of there.
02:47Welcome to the block.
02:48Welcome to the neighborhood.
02:49Welcome to the hood.
02:50Woo!
03:05Hey, honey.
03:06Can't help noticing you have a dog sled.
03:12Yes, I do, Dave.
03:14Remember that silent auction at school where I asked you to start the bidding on a few things
03:18to get people excited?
03:20Well, it didn't get them so excited, so here we are.
03:26I do remember.
03:27You know, it's from the movie Snow Dog.
03:32Signed by Cuba Gooding Jr.
03:35Can't believe it went for the minimum bid.
03:38Oh, not just that.
03:39We also got a hot air balloon ride in Ojai, a full-body skin cancer check.
03:45Oh, this one might actually be fun.
03:48A four-person box at the Hollywood Bowl.
03:50Box seats.
03:51I always wanted to know what it would feel like to sit in a lap of luxury.
03:56What is it?
03:57Oh, I hope it's a Grease sing-along.
03:59You could be Sandy.
04:00I could be Rizzo.
04:03Why wouldn't you be Danny?
04:05Rizzo speaks to me.
04:06Okay.
04:09Well, it's not Grease.
04:10It is Tchaikovsky under the stars.
04:12Oh.
04:15Well, he's good, I guess.
04:17We're always saying that we want to see more classical music.
04:21We do.
04:22And it's free.
04:23I mean, it was $350, but we already spent it, so now it's free.
04:35Dave, is that a dog sled?
04:37Oh, it's not just any dog sled.
04:40Perhaps you remember the movie Snow Dogs?
04:44Oh, yeah, the one with the St. Bernard.
04:46No, that's Beethoven.
04:49Is that the big red dog?
04:51That's Clifford, the big red dog.
04:56Okay, if you say so.
04:58But Gemma's school had a silent auction, got a pretty sweet haul, including a box at the Hollywood Bowl.
05:05Oh, now that's cool.
05:06Isn't it?
05:07I mean, it's Tchaikovsky, otherwise we would have invited you and Tina.
05:10Otherwise?
05:11What do you mean, otherwise?
05:16Well, it's Tchaikovsky.
05:17It's classical.
05:18Yeah, I know who Tchaikovsky is.
05:21Oh.
05:22Well, I just, I didn't think that was your thing.
05:24Oh, not our thing.
05:25What, because Tina and I are too uncultured to like classical music?
05:30Is that it, Dave?
05:32No, no, no.
05:34Look, I just had always thought of you as more of a jazz soul.
05:39A little side baby type of guy.
05:41Oh, okay, okay, now I get it.
05:44Thanks for clarifying.
05:45What, are you just picturing me standing over a trash can fire, warming my hands, singing doo-wop, doo-whee-hoo?
05:53No, come on, Calvin, I didn't say that.
05:55Well, you didn't have to.
05:56A lowbrow like me couldn't possibly appreciate classical music the way a sophisticate like you does.
06:04Ha, I got it.
06:05Calvin, I didn't mean it like that.
06:07You know what, why don't you and Tina come with us?
06:08You know what, we will.
06:09Great.
06:10Looking forward to a night of Tchaikovsky.
06:15Oh, yeah.
06:19Tina, do you want to hear the crap that just came out of Dave's mouth?
06:24Is this about black spatulas being toxic again?
06:27I am not replacing all my spatulas.
06:31No.
06:32Dave got tickets to the Hollywood Bowl, but didn't invite us because he assumed that we don't like classical music. How ignorant is that?
06:42Hey, do you want to hear something crazy?
06:46Calvin wants to go to that concert with us.
06:49Really?
06:50Yeah.
06:51You know, you think you know somebody.
06:52Turns out he loves classical music.
06:55I hate classical music.
06:56I hate classical music.
06:59Then why are we going?
07:01Because he assumes that we don't want to go.
07:04I mean, Dave thinks he's more cultured than us because he likes music with a clarinet and that big-ass violin.
07:13Cellos?
07:14No, babe, you know, the violin, the big one, that'd be on the floor.
07:19With the pointy leg, you know.
07:21That's definitely a cello.
07:24Good.
07:25Good, good.
07:26You know what?
07:27I can't wait to let his ass know I know that.
07:29Well, it'll be fun to have them along.
07:31Remember, we always talked about going to see more classical music.
07:34Yeah, and yet, you notice we never actually went.
07:39Look, truth is, I'm not into that stuff.
07:41You know, my mom used to make me go, but only because her special friend Steve played the French horn.
07:48So just give them all four tickets.
07:51And let Calvin think that I'm some sort of bumpkin?
07:54No way.
07:55We have to go.
07:57We have to go, Tina.
07:59I know it.
08:00To make a point.
08:01Just because we don't happen to like classical music doesn't mean that we aren't classical music people.
08:12That's exactly what it means.
08:15Wow.
08:16Whose side are you on?
08:20So you and Calvin will bring sandwiches to the concert, and Dave will bring a charcuterie board.
08:25Oh, is Dave going to do all those weird origami things with the cold cuts?
08:30He sure is.
08:31You know Dave loves his meat flowers.
08:33Yes.
08:35Tina, brought back your Tupperware.
08:37Hey, any chance you made lasagna last night?
08:41Get away from me.
08:45Just put these on the table.
08:48Okay, so let's talk wine.
08:50Well, we'll be at the bowl for like three hours.
08:52How many bottles should we bring?
08:54For classical music?
08:55A case.
08:57What?
08:58It wouldn't be that bad.
09:00Look, if you want to have a good time at something boring, my extensive research suggests you should take gummies.
09:09Gummies, huh?
09:11Well, that's an idea.
09:14Should be?
09:15I mean, we have to.
09:16We can't.
09:17It's fine.
09:18We could.
09:19We'll have wine too.
09:20I don't know.
09:21Let's go.
09:22Look, I'm telling you, it's gotten me through a lot of things that I didn't want to go to.
09:24Oh, Gemma, we are doing it.
09:27We are so bad.
09:30Trey, do you know any dealers?
09:33Dealers?
09:34This is California.
09:35There's five wheat shops on Marengo.
09:38Hey, look.
09:39Tell them Trey sent you, you'll get $10 off.
09:42Which one?
09:44Any one of them.
09:46Well, good news.
09:47The tickets came with a parking pass.
09:50Just so you know, it is stacked.
09:52So?
09:53I'm just saying if you want to leave the concert early, you won't be able to.
09:57Are you saying that you want to leave early, Dave?
10:01No, no, no.
10:02No, not me.
10:03Don't be silly.
10:04I can't get enough Tchaikovsky.
10:06Me either.
10:08Did you know that he died of cholera nine days after the premiere of his sixth symphony?
10:13Yeah, it was 1893.
10:16Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:17That's the year he died.
10:20Yeah, I'mma pop my gummy now.
10:21Oh, God, yes.
10:24Be cool, be cool, be cool.
10:25Dave's a narc.
10:27Oh, oh, God.
10:29That nagging cough is back.
10:32Excuse me while I cough.
10:34Right?
10:40That's better.
10:42Small.
10:43Real small.
10:44I know.
10:46All right.
10:47Here it is.
10:48The Trophy Divas of Brentwood.
10:50Oh, my God, it's five seasons.
10:53Oh, okay.
10:54Uh, where do you want to start?
10:56I don't really think it matters, Marty.
10:58How about this one?
10:59Look.
11:00Three facelifts and a funeral.
11:04Hey.
11:05I found it.
11:06I found it.
11:07Mercedes' personal brand of rose.
11:09And it's the good stuff.
11:11Two bottles for $9.
11:15Previously on Trophy Divas of Brentwood.
11:18Don't you ever talk about my husband, you bitch.
11:21You mean the husband I saw at the rooster house last night?
11:23Stop filming.
11:24I want a producer.
11:26I need a producer.
11:28Oh, my God.
11:29Did that woman just take her wig off and throw it in Mercedes soup?
11:32Okay, okay.
11:34I think we need to start from the previous episode so we can see how we got to wig and soup.
11:38Yeah.
11:42Oh, gosh.
11:43Calvin, please.
11:44What? I'm hungry.
11:45Why don't we take a picture of my charcuterie art for my Insta first?
11:48Oh, wait, wait.
11:50I gotta put my biscotti assortment up there.
11:54What's that look for, Dave?
11:57You thought I'd bring a common cookie to a philharmonic?
12:01How goach.
12:03Okay, well, for the record, I, too, love biscotti.
12:07And I can't wait to hear the cello.
12:13Who brought the black tongs?
12:16Well, congratulations. The platter is now contaminated.
12:20It's Mr. Ryan, the teacher from our school.
12:24So?
12:26So, I'm high as a kite.
12:28You were just a second ago.
12:31Well, these things really kick in fast.
12:33Okay.
12:34Calm down, okay, Gemma?
12:36It's just in your head.
12:38I'm cool. I am cool.
12:40Okay.
12:41I'm just gonna look this way the whole concert.
12:46Wow! Principal Johnson, Tina, small world.
12:50Hello, Mr. Ryan.
12:52So lovely to see you under the stars.
12:57Are you also here for the concert?
13:02Aren't we all?
13:04You good?
13:07I sure am!
13:12He knows.
13:13I got to say, that episode was a'ight.
13:16Yes, it was. Yeah, yeah.
13:18Yeah, but Mercedes was wrong for getting on the ATV with London's man.
13:20Yeah.
13:21But Sienna tried to warn her.
13:22Yeah, but she not gonna listen to Sienna after that fight with Savannah.
13:25Why is every woman on this show named after a city or a car?
13:29All right, you know what? I'm glad we did that.
13:30I think I'm starting to get a better sense of her personality.
13:32So, Laker again?
13:33Hell yeah!
13:34Let's go.
13:36All right.
13:37Let's go.
13:38All right.
13:39All right.
13:40All right.
13:41All right.
13:42All right.
13:43All right.
13:44All right.
13:45Let's go.
13:46Let's go.
13:47All right.
13:48All right.
13:49Let's go.
13:50Let's go.
13:51All right.
13:52Come on.
13:53Let's go.
13:54All right.
13:56All right.
13:57I don't know what's going to happen on Tahoe's yachts.
14:08It's not going to be good, especially after Sienna said her neck had more lines than notebook
14:13paper.
14:14And you know Tahoe got them hands.
14:16Yeah.
14:17Well, I mean, look, the Lakers already up by four in the second quarter, and we know
14:21how this going to end.
14:22What we don't know is what's going to happen on that yacht.
14:25Turn it back!
14:26Come on.
14:27Come on.
14:28One more episode.
14:29Somebody going overboard.
14:30Yeah, she might die.
14:31Hey.
14:32Mose me.
14:33Mr. Ryan is going to tell everybody I'm done.
14:42I'm going to be on Dateline.
14:44It was a night of music that turned into a nightmare of drug-fueled mayhem for the pretty
14:49principal.
14:50Come on.
14:51Don't nobody know your ass.
14:55And besides, gummies are legal.
15:01Shhh.
15:02Shhh.
15:03Shhh.
15:04Shhh.
15:05Shhh.
15:06Shhh.
15:07Shhh.
15:08Shhh.
15:09Shhh.
15:10Shhh.
15:11Shhh.
15:12Shhh.
15:13Shhh.
15:14Shhh.
15:15Shhh.
15:16Shhh.
15:17Shhh.
15:18Shhh.
15:19Shhh.
15:20Shhh.
15:21Shhh.
15:22Shhh.
15:23Shhh.
15:24Shhh.
15:25Shhh.
15:26Shhh.
15:27Shhh.
15:28Shhh.
15:29Shhh.
15:30Shhh.
15:31Shhh.
15:32Shhh.
15:33Did she just throw cheese at me?
15:39Calvin, if I didn't know better, I'd say that they were high.
15:42Calvin?
15:44Calvin.
15:44What, Dave? I'm in a zone here.
15:47Do you have an earbud in?
15:50The Lakers game?
15:56Dave, you put my earbud in your ear? That's nasty.
16:00Tina, you got a wet nap.
16:01Tina, you got a wet nap.
16:05Tina, you hear that?
16:07Oh.
16:07Every time I talk, I hear somebody saying what I'm saying and she sounds just like me.
16:16You know, Dave, if I didn't know better, I would take our wives a high as hell.
16:21That is what I was trying to tell you. This is great.
16:24They're stoned and you're not even listening to this boring funeral music.
16:28Boring? So you don't like it?
16:30No, and neither do you. You know, if you didn't like it, why don't you just tell me?
16:34Well, that's because you assumed I didn't like it.
16:37And you don't.
16:38Well, that's not because I could like it. I like sophisticated stuff. I like Muscati.
16:43You do?
16:44No, they hard as hell.
16:47Whatever. You know what? Here's your earbud back.
16:50I'm not putting this back in my ear. It's got your wax on it.
16:56And now, thanks to you, all I got to do is just sit here and listen to this.
17:01I'm sorry, but will you guys please quiet down?
17:04We'll do you one better, Scott. We're going to leave.
17:06Oh, God, yes, yes.
17:07We're in stacked parking. Nobody's going anywhere. Cheech, Chon, sit down.
17:13Now Mr. Ryan definitely knows.
17:15Everybody knows.
17:16Oh!
17:17I got to say, Mama was right. Mercedes does have layers.
17:29You know, in a weird way, I admire her resilience and her honesty.
17:32Yeah.
17:33Okay, am I the only one that got teary-eyed when she sang hallelujah at her Frenchie's funeral?
17:40No, you were not. Peppa went way too soon.
17:43Oh, Lord!
17:43All right, you know what? I think I am ready to write for her now. I can definitely hear her voice.
17:50And when she's not screaming and throwing things, she's actually pretty interesting.
17:55And sent.
17:57Sent what?
17:59I just sent Savannah a DM on Instagram.
18:02What?
18:03She just found out that her husband is gay at a dog funeral. I got a shot.
18:09I mean, he not wrong.
18:10Yeah, it's a long shot.
18:12Calvin, you okay?
18:28I'm fine.
18:31Are you high too?
18:32No, Dave, I'm just listening to the music.
18:37You actually like this?
18:39It's actually the most beautiful thing I've ever heard in my life.
18:43Really?
18:44Okay, well, I guess I underestimated you.
18:47You know, your ignorance is astounding.
18:51Calvin, I'm sorry.
18:52I had no...
18:53I had no idea.
18:54I had no idea.
18:55I had no idea.
18:55I had no idea.
18:56I had no idea.
18:56I had no idea.
18:57I had no idea.
18:57I had no idea.
18:58I had no idea.
18:58I had no idea.
18:59I had no idea.
19:00I had no idea.
19:01I had no idea.
19:02I had no idea.
19:03I had no idea.
19:04I had no idea.
19:05I had no idea.
19:06I had no idea.
19:07I had no idea.
19:08I had no idea.
19:09I had no idea.
19:10I had no idea.
19:11I had no idea.
19:12I had no idea.
19:13I had no idea.
19:14I had no idea.
19:15I had no idea.
19:16I had no idea.
19:17I had no idea.
19:18I had no idea.
19:19I had no idea.
19:20Can we talk about the dinner party with the psychic?
19:40Oh, that was insane.
19:41Oh, Madame Rosa was uncanny.
19:44Now, look, I'm a man of science,
19:46but Barcelona should have listened
19:47when she predicted Clay would cheat on her.
19:49Right, right.
19:49With her accountability code?
19:51That part.
19:52That part.
19:52See?
19:53I knew you guys would love it.
19:56Speaking of which,
19:57you know the reunion show just dropped.
19:59You want to pop the rest of these bad boys and watch?
20:01Heck yeah, we are so bad.
20:04What?
20:05It gets me every time.
20:18I'm sorry, Calvin.
20:21You know, I should have never musically profiled you.
20:30Well, I'm not surprised.
20:32Calvin has always appreciated exquisite beauty, obviously.
20:38That's right.
20:39Hey, you think I can get Trey's phone back?
20:43Oh, I gave it back.
20:44But you could fish around in there and see what else you can find.
20:48Mm-hmm.
20:49Mm-hmm.
20:50Why?
20:51Why?
20:52Why?
20:53Why?
20:54Why?
20:55Why?
20:56Why?
20:57Why?
20:58Why?
20:59Why?
21:00Why?
21:01Why?
21:02Why?
21:03Why?
21:04Why?
21:05Why?
21:06Why?
21:07Why?
21:08Why?
21:09Why?
21:10Why?
21:11Why?
21:12Why?
21:13Why?
21:14Why?
21:15Why?
21:16Why?
21:17Why?
21:18Why?
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