- 4 weeks ago
Alice In Wonderland 1966
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00There was a time when meadow, grove and stream, the earth and every common sight, to me did
00:00:14seem apparelled in celestial light, the glory and the freshness of a dream.
00:00:30I love you, my child.
00:00:44I love you.
00:00:49I love you, my child.
00:00:52Keep holding it.
00:00:55Yeah.
00:00:59And then,
00:00:59time to day,
00:01:00and then,
00:01:01you're going to find it,
00:01:01and you're going to finish to get some chitagels in your chair.
00:01:06Toasty,
00:01:09channels.
00:01:13You had to get them on the street.
00:01:20You won't last all for the summer,
00:01:21I'm trying to...
00:01:25Let's do it.
00:01:28Let's do it.
00:01:29Let's do it.
00:01:55Let's do it.
00:02:25Let's do it.
00:02:55Let's do it.
00:03:25Let's do it.
00:03:55Let's do it.
00:04:25Let's do it.
00:04:55Let's do it.
00:05:25Let's do it.
00:05:56I wonder if I've been changed in the night.
00:06:00Let me think.
00:06:02Was I the same when I got up this morning?
00:06:04I almost think I can remember feeling a little different.
00:06:09But if I'm not the same, but if I'm not the same, the next question is, who in the world am I?
00:06:23Oh, that's the great puzzle, who am I?
00:06:29Oh, I'm the same way?
00:06:35Yeah.
00:06:39I'll try to find out all the things I used to know.
00:07:09Four times five is twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven is...
00:07:39Four times six is three, and four times six is...
00:07:44Four times six is...
00:07:49Four times seven is...
00:07:54Four times six is...
00:08:00Curiouser and curiouser.
00:08:23How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail, and pour the waters of the Nile on
00:08:36every golden scale?
00:08:53I think the main problem is how we all get dry.
00:09:21If you'll all be quiet and listen to me, I'll soon make you dry enough.
00:09:27Are you ready?
00:09:29Here is the driest thing that I know.
00:09:32Silence all round, please.
00:09:37William the Conqueror, whose cause was favored by the Pope, was soon submitted to by the English,
00:09:44who wanted leaders, and were of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest.
00:09:50Edwin and Morka, the Earls of Mercia and Northumbria...
00:09:56I have never been so bored in my life.
00:09:59Yes, yes, yes.
00:10:01Did you speak?
00:10:02No, not a word.
00:10:04Yes, yes, yes.
00:10:05I thought you did.
00:10:06Yes, yes, yes.
00:10:07I shall proceed.
00:10:08Yes, yes, yes.
00:10:10Edwin and Morka, the Earls of Mercia and Northumbria, soon declared for him.
00:10:16And even Stiggand, as the Patriotic Archbishop of Canterbury, found it advisable to go with Edgar Aetheling and Arthur William the Crown.
00:10:29Yes, yes.
00:10:30While the country still reeled under the shock of the conquest, the Conqueror followed it by introducing the feudal system,
00:10:38which was hardly a ray of sunshine, as it drove a coach and horses through the middle of the Anglo-Saxon polity.
00:10:46How are you getting on now, my dear?
00:10:51Oh, in that case, I move that this meeting adjourn for more energetic measures.
00:10:58And I think a good thing would be to have a caucus race.
00:11:03What's a caucus race?
00:11:04Well, best way to explain it is for us all to do it, hmm?
00:11:10Come along, come along!
00:11:40Come along!
00:11:42Come on!
00:11:43Come on!
00:11:45Come on!
00:11:55Come on!
00:12:01Come on, come on!
00:12:05Oh, oh.
00:12:06Oh.
00:12:07Oh, this will never do!
00:12:09Come on! Come on!
00:12:10Come on, come on, come on.
00:12:12Come on, come on.
00:12:14Come on, come on.
00:12:16Come on.
00:12:18That's it, that's it.
00:12:20Come on now, come on.
00:12:40Come on, come on.
00:13:10All right, the race is over.
00:13:14Who won? Who won?
00:13:16Everybody's won.
00:13:18And everyone must have prizes.
00:13:34Who's to give the prizes?
00:13:36Why, she will, of course.
00:13:38Prizes.
00:13:40Prizes.
00:13:42Prizes.
00:13:44Prizes.
00:13:46Prizes.
00:13:48Prizes.
00:13:50Oh, prizes.
00:13:52Prizes.
00:13:54Prizes.
00:13:56Prizes.
00:14:02She must have a prize herself, of course.
00:14:04Well, of course she must.
00:14:06What else have you got in your pocket, eh?
00:14:12Only a thimble.
00:14:14Oh, let me see.
00:14:16Oh.
00:14:18I beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble.
00:14:22Pray.
00:14:24Perhaps he would care to continue with your story.
00:14:28You obviously have your own methods of drying off.
00:14:30I don't see why I should waste my breath on it any more.
00:14:38I'll do nothing of the sort.
00:14:40What a pity he wouldn't stay.
00:14:44Come along, come along, then, Nate.
00:14:46Come along, then, Nate.
00:15:00Mary-Anne.
00:15:02Mary-Anne.
00:15:03Fetch me my gloves this moment.
00:15:04Wait, look at me.
00:15:06If you've never managed to get you thin...
00:15:08...in such a bad...
00:15:10...can smell...
00:15:12...can smell...
00:15:14I'm sure I'm not Ada. She's got long ringlets, and my hair doesn't go in ringlets at all.
00:15:41And I'm sure I can't be Mabel, because I know all sorts of things, and she knows nothing. Besides, she's she, and I. Oh dear, how puzzling it all is.
00:15:57I love the little crocodile, and prove his shining tail, and pour the waters off the night on every golden scale.
00:16:13How cheerfully he seems to grin how neatly spreads his claws, and welcomes little fishes in with gently smiling jaws.
00:16:22I must be Mabel after all. Oh, I'll have to go and live in that pokey little house.
00:16:29Marianne, do you hear me? Fetch me my gloves and fan.
00:16:35I'll go round and get in the window.
00:16:46Marianne.
00:16:47A barrow full will do, to begin with. A barrow full of what?
00:17:03We must burn the house down.
00:17:05A barrow.
00:17:07I did.
00:17:37Who are you?
00:18:00Who are you?
00:18:04Who are you?
00:18:07I don't know who I was when I got up this morning, but I don't know who I was when I got up
00:18:35this morning, but I think I've changed several times since then.
00:18:41What did you mean by that exactly?
00:18:44Explain yourself.
00:18:46I'm afraid I can't explain myself.
00:18:48I'm not myself, you see.
00:18:51No, I don't see.
00:18:54I can't put it any more clearly, I'm afraid, because I don't understand it myself.
00:18:59And it's very confusing changing size so often.
00:19:02It's not at all.
00:19:04Well, I imagine you'll feel a bit queer when you change size, won't you?
00:19:11Not a bit.
00:19:12It feels very queer to me.
00:19:15Who are you?
00:19:16I think you ought to tell me who you are first.
00:19:20Why?
00:19:22Come back!
00:19:26I have something important to say.
00:19:30Yes?
00:19:31Keep your temper.
00:19:32Is that all?
00:19:33No.
00:19:34No.
00:19:35No.
00:19:36yes keep your temper is that all
00:19:45so you're thinking of changing are you i'm afraid i am you see i can't remember things i used to
00:20:14and i can't stay the same size for more than 10 minutes together what sort of things
00:20:21well i've tried to say how doth a little busy bee but it came out all different
00:20:27very well repeat you are old father william
00:20:36you are old father william the young man said and your hair has become very white
00:20:41and yet you incessantly stand on your head do you think at your age it is right
00:20:49in my youth said the sage as he shook his gray locks
00:20:58in my youth said the sage as he shook his gray locks i kept all my limbs very supple
00:21:04by the use of this ointment
00:21:12one shilling the box allow me to sell you a couple
00:21:15you are old said the youth and your jaws are too weak for anything tougher than
00:21:22and sewage
00:21:23do you think i can listen all day to such stuff
00:21:35be off or i'll kick you downstairs
00:21:38that's not quite right i'm afraid some of the words seem to have got altered
00:21:46oh is it wrong from beginning to end
00:21:51what size do you want to be i'm not particular as to size it's just that one doesn't like changing so
00:21:58often you know no i don't know are you happy now well i'd like to be a little larger
00:22:08seems a very nice size to me but i'm not used to it
00:22:15you'll get used to it in time
00:22:28you'll never make them people here in there you see because they're like they're making too much
00:22:35noise themselves i mean you're following the mean no you can hear them well how am i to get in then
00:22:50oh excuse me a moment uh something seems to be cropping up in this area over here
00:23:02invitation from the queen but just to play croquet
00:23:05i'll tell you what i'll do
00:23:34i'll tell you what i'll do for you nothing how's that any good to you at all nothing i mean i
00:23:41won't be able to do it straight away i'll say that you see i couldn't
00:23:45couldn't possibly do it straight away because i got all these things cropping up you see i have to
00:23:49deal with i well i mean you saw just now something cropped up there you see and i'll get
00:23:54that's the same type of thing i get cropping up all the time you see so naturally i got my hands full
00:24:00but uh if i was to do nothing for you i can't promise i could but if i was to do nothing for you
00:24:06i'd i'd have to sort of find a time you see when i could squeeze it in you see what i mean
00:24:10i think you're absolutely idiotic
00:24:14well maybe i am maybe i'm not
00:24:30why does your cat look like that it's a cheshire cat that's why
00:24:48pig i didn't know the church cats look like that all of them can and most of them do
00:24:53i don't know there's any of them do oh you don't know much that's a fact
00:25:15here we go here we go here
00:25:17where's the baby everybody minds their own business the world will turn a grand deal faster
00:25:24than it does that wouldn't be a great advantage the world turns on its axis every 24 hours
00:25:34don't bother me i never could abide figures could i
00:25:41speak lovely to your little boy and beat him when he sneezes he only does it to a night because
00:25:47he knows he knows he sneezes i speak severely to my boy and beat him when he sneezes
00:25:58for he can thoroughly enjoy the temper when he sneezes
00:26:02he can thoroughly enjoy the pepper if he pleases
00:26:25he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can't believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can believe me he can
00:26:55Where do you want to go to?
00:26:57I don't much care where.
00:26:59Then it doesn't matter which way you go.
00:27:03So long as I get somewhere.
00:27:05Oh, you're sure to do that if you only walk long enough.
00:27:13What sort of people live about here?
00:27:15In that direction is the Hatter, and in that direction is the March Hare.
00:27:20They're both mad.
00:27:22But I don't want to go among mad people.
00:27:25Oh, you can't help that. We're all mad here.
00:27:28I'm mad. You're mad.
00:27:34By the by, what became the baby?
00:27:37I'd nearly forgotten to ask.
00:27:39It turned into a pig.
00:27:42I thought it would.
00:27:48Did you say pig or fig?
00:27:50I said pig.
00:27:55No room.
00:27:56No room.
00:27:57No room.
00:27:58No room.
00:27:59No room.
00:28:00No room.
00:28:01No room.
00:28:02No room.
00:28:03No room.
00:28:04No room.
00:28:05No room.
00:28:06No room.
00:28:07No room.
00:28:08No room.
00:28:09No room.
00:28:10No room.
00:28:11No room.
00:28:12No room.
00:28:13No room.
00:28:14No room.
00:28:15No room.
00:28:16No room.
00:28:17No room.
00:28:18No room.
00:28:19No room.
00:28:20No room.
00:28:21No room.
00:28:22No room.
00:28:23No room.
00:28:24No room.
00:28:25No room.
00:28:26No room.
00:28:27No room.
00:28:28No room.
00:28:29No room.
00:28:30No room.
00:28:31No room.
00:28:32There's no room.
00:28:33there's plenty of room. have some wine. I don't see any wine. there isn't any. it wasn't very civil of you to offer it. it wasn't very civil of you to sit down before you're invited.
00:28:46I thought you did invite me. anyway the tables laid for a great deal more than three.
00:28:52your hair once cutting. you shouldn't make personal remarks. it's very rude.
00:29:00why is a raven like a writing desk I wonder. oh I'm glad you've begun asking riddles. I think I can guess that one.
00:29:08do you mean that you can find the answer to it? exactly. then you should say what you mean.
00:29:14I do. at least I mean what I say. it's the same thing you know. it isn't the same thing a bit. you might as well say that I see what I eat is the same thing as I eat what I see.
00:29:26you might just as well say that I like what I get is the same thing as I get what I like.
00:29:33you might as well say that I sleep when I breathe is the same thing as I breathe when I sleep.
00:29:44it is the same thing with you.
00:29:46it is the same thing with you.
00:29:47it is the same thing with you.
00:29:51it is the same thing with you.
00:30:11Oh, what day of the month is it?
00:30:17I think it's the fourth.
00:30:19Oh, two days wrong.
00:30:22I knew that butter wouldn't be good for the works.
00:30:25It was with the best butter.
00:30:27Yes, but we must have got some crumbs in with it or something.
00:30:31I told you not to use the bread knife.
00:30:33It was the best butter.
00:30:35That's as may be.
00:30:37Curious watch.
00:30:38It tells the day of the month, not what time it is.
00:30:42Of course it does, child.
00:30:43Does your watch tell you what year it is?
00:30:46Of course not.
00:30:47That's because it's the same year for so long together.
00:30:49Exactly.
00:30:50Well, it's just the same with my watch.
00:30:52Oh, when Adam and Eve are first deprived of the garden hard by...
00:30:57Oh, the doormouse is falling asleep again.
00:31:02Have you guessed the riddle yet?
00:31:04No, I give up.
00:31:05What is the answer?
00:31:06I haven't the slightest idea.
00:31:11Well, I think you might do something better with your time than wasted asking riddles that have no answers.
00:31:16If you knew time as well as I do, you wouldn't talk about it.
00:31:20It's him.
00:31:21I don't know what you mean.
00:31:22Of course you don't, I dare say.
00:31:25You've never even spoken to time.
00:31:27Perhaps not, but I now have to beat time and I learn music.
00:31:30Oh, that accounts for it.
00:31:39He can't stand beating.
00:31:41But if you keep on good terms with time, he'll do anything with the clock that you want.
00:31:46For example, supposing it's half past nine in the morning, you just whisper a hint to time.
00:31:51Wrong goes the clock and it's half past one in the afternoon time for dinner.
00:31:55I only wish it was.
00:31:58Yes, it might be rather nice, but then I wouldn't be hungry for it, you know.
00:32:01Not at first, perhaps, but you could keep it at half past one for as long as you like.
00:32:06Is that the way you manage?
00:32:07Oh, no, no, no, no, no, we quarreled last March, just before he went mad, you know.
00:32:14It was at a concert given by the Queen of Hearts, I had to sing that song.
00:32:19Twinkle, twinkle, little bat, how I wonder what you're at.
00:32:26You're familiar with it, doubtless.
00:32:28I've heard something like it.
00:32:29Yes, it goes on up above the world, you fly, like a tea tray in the sky.
00:32:37Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle.
00:32:42Oh, well, I'd hardly finish the first verse when the Queen jumps up and balls out,
00:32:48he's murdering the time, off with his head.
00:32:52I dread be savage.
00:32:53Oh, yes, yes, yes.
00:32:56But ever since then, time won't do a thing for me.
00:33:00It's always six o'clock now.
00:33:04Is that the reason why so many tea things are put out here?
00:33:06Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
00:33:08It's always, it's always tea time.
00:33:12And of course, we don't get much time to wash the things up between whiles.
00:33:17So you keep moving round, I suppose.
00:33:19We keep, we keep moving round, yes, yes, yes.
00:33:23As the things get used up.
00:33:26What happens when you get back to the beginning?
00:33:27Oh, whoa.
00:33:28Suppose we change the subject.
00:33:30I'm getting dreadfully bored by this.
00:33:34I've heard the young lady tells us a story.
00:33:37I'm afraid I don't know one.
00:33:40Then the doormouse will.
00:33:42Tell us a story.
00:33:53You better get on with it, otherwise you'll fall asleep again before you're done.
00:33:56Once upon a time, there were three little sisters.
00:34:04Oh, yes.
00:34:05They were named Elsie, Letia, and Tully.
00:34:13And they lived at the bottom of the well.
00:34:16What did they live on?
00:34:17They lived on treacle.
00:34:29They couldn't have done that, you know.
00:34:30They'd have been ill.
00:34:31Very well.
00:34:33Very, very ill.
00:34:35But why did they live at the bottom of the well?
00:34:40Take some more tea.
00:34:42I've had nothing yet, so I can't take more.
00:34:44What you mean is you can't take less.
00:34:46It's very easy to take more than nothing.
00:34:49Nobody asked your opinion.
00:34:50Oh, now who's making personal remarks, eh?
00:35:01Why did they live at the bottom of a well?
00:35:05It was a treacle well.
00:35:07There's no such thing.
00:35:10If you cannot be civil, you tell the story yourself.
00:35:14I won't interrupt again.
00:35:16Well, I dare say there may be one.
00:35:19Oh, indeed.
00:35:23Well, the three little sisters, they were all learning to draw, you know.
00:35:31What did they draw?
00:35:34Treacle.
00:35:34Well, I don't understand.
00:35:47I don't understand.
00:35:48Where did they draw the treacle from?
00:35:49You draw water from a water well, you draw a treacle from a treacle well, eh, stupid?
00:35:54Oh, but they were in the well.
00:35:56Oh, they were in the well.
00:35:57Oh, they were in the well.
00:35:58Well, in.
00:35:59Well, in.
00:36:11Then they learned to draw.
00:36:13And they always drew something beginning with an M.
00:36:21Why an M?
00:36:22Why an M?
00:36:23Why not?
00:36:24Why an M, as the M is born.
00:36:39Everything beginning with an M, such as mousetrap, money, memory, and muchness.
00:36:54Now, I bet you never saw anything like the drawing of a muchness.
00:36:59Really? No, you said, I didn't.
00:37:01Then you shouldn't talk.
00:37:10It's the stupidest tea party I've ever had.
00:37:17Why are you painting those roses?
00:37:21Why are you painting those roses?
00:37:23What's that? What's that?
00:37:26Will you hold that book steady?
00:37:28I can't see the paint.
00:37:30What are you doing it for?
00:37:32Doing it for?
00:37:33Yes.
00:37:34Yes.
00:37:35Yes.
00:37:36What am I doing it for?
00:37:38Yes.
00:37:39Well, that is the question, isn't it?
00:37:41Ah.
00:37:42There, you see.
00:37:43It's no good.
00:37:44It's all a problem of collar, you see.
00:37:47The, uh, problem of these being collared white when red was what was asked for.
00:37:53Who's to know?
00:37:54Oh, yes.
00:37:55That's good.
00:37:56Yes, I like that.
00:37:58Yes, who's to know?
00:37:59The Queen, that's who.
00:38:01The Queen doesn't miss a trick.
00:38:03Doesn't look much like a red rose to me.
00:38:06Oh, well, perhaps you'd like to have a go at yourself, then?
00:38:09Yes, perhaps you'd like to have a go at yourself.
00:38:11I think we can do without any help from you, you know.
00:38:14Thank you very much.
00:38:16Look!
00:38:17It's the Queen.
00:38:18Give me some more carmine.
00:38:19And a little boy.
00:38:20And a little boy.
00:38:21Mr. Queen!
00:38:22Give me some more carmine.
00:38:49Let's go.
00:39:19Ah, yes. And who's this?
00:39:43Yes, who is this?
00:39:45Perhaps I shouldn't ask.
00:39:46Idiot. Absolute idiot.
00:39:51You've got an absolute idiot for a son.
00:39:53Yes, but he's tall. He's very tall.
00:39:55Come along, Charles. Speak up. What's your name?
00:39:58My name is Alice.
00:39:59Ah.
00:40:03And who are these?
00:40:05Or perhaps I shouldn't ask.
00:40:07How should I know? It's no business of mine.
00:40:09You little hussy. Off with her head. Nonsense.
00:40:14Ah, yes. Now, what have you been doing here?
00:40:18Oh, perhaps I shouldn't ask.
00:40:20Well, perhaps I should.
00:40:23Painting white roses red, hmm?
00:40:26Perhaps you have an explanation?
00:40:28Well, Mum, it's my way of rectifying a mistake.
00:40:32What I've always said is,
00:40:34what the eye don't see,
00:40:36the heart don't grieve over.
00:40:38I think that's for me to judge.
00:40:40Off with her heads.
00:40:44It's a very fine day.
00:40:46It's very. Where's the Duchess?
00:40:47She's under sentence of execution.
00:40:49What for?
00:40:50She boxed the Queen's ears, whoops.
00:40:52All right.
00:40:54Get to your places.
00:40:58You heard what she said.
00:41:00Get to your place.
00:41:02Get to your place.
00:41:23Oh, my God.
00:46:27I don't like the look of it at all.
00:46:29A cat may look at a queen.
00:46:31Cats are allowed to do that.
00:46:33It must be removed.
00:46:35Executioner.
00:46:36About that cat.
00:46:37Right taken off.
00:46:38Right off.
00:46:39Yeah.
00:46:40Well, you've got the problem there, haven't you?
00:46:42I mean, with regard to cutting off a head, you've got a real problem unless there's a body to cut it off from.
00:46:48I mean, you see what I mean?
00:46:50Don't talk nonsense.
00:46:52Anything that has a head can be beheaded.
00:46:55Anyway, who does it belong to?
00:46:57It belongs to the Duchess and you'd better ask her about it.
00:47:00You can't think how glad I am to see you here, you dear old thing.
00:47:23You're thinking about something and that makes you forget to talk.
00:47:29I can't remember the moral of that, but I shall remember it in a moment.
00:47:34Perhaps it hasn't got a moral.
00:47:36Tut-tut!
00:47:37My dear child, everything's got a moral.
00:47:40If only you can find it.
00:47:42The game seems to be coming on much better now.
00:47:44Yes, it is.
00:47:45Yes, it is.
00:47:46And the moral of it is, tis love, just love.
00:47:50Makes the world go round.
00:47:53I thought it was done by everybody minding their own business.
00:47:55Oh, well, yes.
00:47:58Well, it means much the same thing.
00:48:01And the moral of that is, take care of the sense and the sounds will take care of themselves.
00:48:06I'm still only fond of finding morals.
00:48:08I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your waist.
00:48:11Well, the reason is, I'm doubtful of the temper of your flamingo.
00:48:17I haven't got a flamingo anymore.
00:48:19Ah, true, ah, true.
00:48:20Flamingos and mustard, both might.
00:48:23And the moral of that is, birds of the feather flock together.
00:48:28But mustard isn't a bird.
00:48:30Right as usual.
00:48:31You do have a nice, clear way of putting things.
00:48:36It's a mineral, I think.
00:48:38Yes, of course it is.
00:48:39And there's a rather large mustard mine quite near here.
00:48:43And the moral of it is, the more there is a mine, the less there is a your own.
00:48:49I know, it's a vegetable.
00:48:51It doesn't look like one, but it is.
00:48:53I quite agree with you.
00:48:54And the moral of that is, be what you would seem to be.
00:48:58Or if you would like it put more simply.
00:49:01Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it would appear to others.
00:49:06That what you were, what you might have been, is not otherwise than what you have been.
00:49:13I think I'd understand that a bit better if I had it written down, but I'm afraid I can't quite follow it as you say it.
00:49:19Oh, I could say much better than that if I chose.
00:49:24Please don't trouble yourself, it's certainly longer than that.
00:49:27Don't talk about trouble. I'd make you a present of everything I've said as yet.
00:49:31Cheap sort of present, I must say.
00:49:34Thinking again?
00:49:35I have a right to think.
00:49:37About as much right as pigs have to fly.
00:49:40And the moral...
00:49:47Either you or your head must be off in the next five minutes.
00:49:50Take your choice.
00:49:52You should be the death of me.
00:50:10Come on, let's get on with it again.
00:50:22Well, here we are.
00:50:32What's happened to them?
00:50:34They're going to be executed.
00:50:36What do you mean?
00:50:37They're going to have their heads taken off.
00:50:39What, all of them?
00:50:41Yes, the whole lot.
00:50:42There's no point spoiling the ship for a half of the tower.
00:50:46Have you seen the Mott Turtle?
00:50:47No, who's that?
00:50:49Well, you'd better ask the griffin about that.
00:50:51He'll be able to let you know.
00:50:57That's just her fantasy.
00:50:59She never executes anyone.
00:51:01Ah, there he is.
00:51:04What's he so sad about?
00:51:06That's just his fantasy.
00:51:08He's got nothing to be sad about, really.
00:51:21This young lady wants to hear your life history.
00:51:25All right, I'll tell it to her.
00:51:29And don't speak a word till I finish.
00:51:48But how can he finish if he doesn't begin?
00:51:50He's got to get into the mood.
00:51:55When we were little, we all went to school in the sea.
00:52:11The master was an old turtle.
00:52:13We used to call him Tortoise.
00:52:16Why did you call him Tortoise if he wasn't one?
00:52:18We called him Tortoise because he taught us.
00:52:20Really, you are very dull.
00:52:22What a shame to be asking such simple questions there.
00:52:25We had the best of education.
00:52:27In fact, we went to school every day.
00:52:30I've been to a day school too.
00:52:31It's nothing to be so proud about.
00:52:33With extras?
00:52:34Yes, we learned French and music.
00:52:36And washing?
00:52:37Certainly not.
00:52:39Aha.
00:52:40Well, then, yours wasn't really a good school.
00:52:43At our school, we always had, at the end of the bill, music, French, and washing. Extra.
00:52:53But I couldn't afford to learn it. I only took the regular course.
00:52:56What was that?
00:52:57Well, reeling and writhing, of course, to begin with.
00:53:00And then there were the different branches of arithmetic.
00:53:02Ambition, distraction, uglification, and derision.
00:53:07I never heard of uglification before.
00:53:10Never heard of uglifying?
00:53:12I've heard of beautifying, I suppose.
00:53:14Yes.
00:53:15Did I say more?
00:53:18Then there was mystery, ancient, and modern.
00:53:22And then drawling.
00:53:24That was with the drawling master.
00:53:26He used to come once a week.
00:53:28He taught us drawling, stretching, and fainting in coils.
00:53:34What was that like?
00:53:36I couldn't possibly show you myself. I'm much too stiff.
00:53:39And he never learnt it.
00:53:41Never had time.
00:53:43But I went to the classical master.
00:53:45Hmm.
00:53:46I never went to him.
00:53:48He taught laughing and grief, or so they said.
00:53:52So he did. So he did.
00:54:05How many hours a day did you do lessons?
00:54:07Ten hours the first day.
00:54:09Nine the second.
00:54:10And so on.
00:54:11How odd.
00:54:12Not odd at all.
00:54:14That's why they're called lessons.
00:54:16Because they lessen from day to day.
00:54:18Then the eleventh day must have been a holiday.
00:54:21So it was.
00:54:23So it was.
00:54:25But then how did you manage on the twelfth day?
00:54:28Oh, that's enough about lessons.
00:54:31Tell her about the games.
00:54:33Have you ever done the lobster quadril?
00:54:34No.
00:54:35What sort of a dance is that?
00:54:36Well, first you form a line along the seashore.
00:54:37No, two lines.
00:54:38Then after you clear the jellyfish out of the way.
00:54:39That generally takes some time.
00:54:40You advance twice.
00:54:41Each with a lobster as a partner.
00:54:42You advance twice.
00:54:43Set to partners.
00:54:44Change lobsters and retire in the same order.
00:54:45It must be a very pretty dance.
00:54:46Would you like to hear some of it?
00:54:47Very much indeed.
00:54:48Well, who'll sing?
00:54:49Oh, you sing it.
00:54:50I can't remember the words.
00:54:51Will you walk a little faster, said the whiting to the snail.
00:54:54There's a porpoise.
00:54:55That generally takes some time.
00:54:56That generally takes some time.
00:54:57You advance twice.
00:54:58Each with a lobster as a partner.
00:54:59You advance twice.
00:55:00Set to partners.
00:55:01Change lobsters and retire in the same order.
00:55:03It must be a very pretty dance.
00:55:04Would you like to hear some of it?
00:55:05Very much indeed.
00:55:06Well, who'll sing?
00:55:07Oh, you sing it.
00:55:08I can't remember the words.
00:55:10Will you walk a little faster, said the whiting to the snail.
00:55:17There's a porpoise close behind me and he's treading on my tail.
00:55:21See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance.
00:55:26They are waiting on the shingle.
00:55:27Won't you come and join the dance?
00:55:29Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance?
00:55:33Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?
00:55:39You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
00:55:45When they take us up and throw us with the lobsters out to sea.
00:55:49But the snail replied, too far, too far, and gave a look askance.
00:55:55Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance.
00:56:00Would not, could not, could not, would not, could not join the dance.
00:56:04Could not, would not, could not, would not, would not join the dance.
00:56:23The trial's beginning.
00:56:25The trial's beginning.
00:56:27The trial's beginning.
00:56:29The trial's beginning.
00:56:30CHOIR SINGS
00:57:00CHOIR SINGS
00:57:30CHOIR SINGS
00:58:00CHOIR SINGS
00:58:30CHOIR SINGS
00:58:32CHOIR SINGS
00:58:34CHOIR SINGS
00:58:36CHOIR SINGS
00:58:38CHOIR SINGS
00:58:40CHOIR SINGS
00:58:44CHOIR SINGS
00:58:46CHOIR SINGS
00:58:48CHOIR SINGS
00:58:50CHOIR SINGS
00:58:52CHOIR SINGS
00:58:54CHOIR SINGS
00:58:56CHOIR SINGS
00:58:58CHOIR SINGS
00:59:00CHOIR SINGS
00:59:02CHOIR SINGS
00:59:04Oh, yeah. Well, um, uh, Carl, the first witness.
00:59:11First witness!
00:59:13Oh, yeah.
00:59:31Come on, come on!
00:59:38Come on, come on!
00:59:43I beg your pardon, Your Majesty, for bringing these along, but, uh, I hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for.
01:00:07Well, you ought to have finished. Where, when did you begin?
01:00:10Uh, the, uh, let me see, I think it was the, uh, the 14th of March.
01:00:1715th.
01:00:1916th?
01:00:20Yes, the 16th. Write that down.
01:00:23And, uh, take off your hat.
01:00:26Ah, it, um, it, uh, it, uh, yeah, it's, um, it isn't, it isn't mine.
01:00:34It's, uh...
01:00:36Stolen, is it?
01:00:37No, no, no, uh, I, uh, I keep them to sell, Your Majesty, you see. I'm, uh, I'm a hatter.
01:00:45A very nervous hatter.
01:00:47Yes, I am, yes.
01:00:48Well, don't be nervous.
01:00:49No.
01:00:50Don't be nervous.
01:00:51Just give your evidence, or I shall have you executed, you know.
01:00:55I, I'm, I'm allowed to do that.
01:00:58I, I can have anyone executed.
01:01:01Power, power.
01:01:02Power, power.
01:01:03Uh, uh, I'm a very poor man, Your Majesty, and, uh, I hadn't begun my tea, and, well, not about a week or so,
01:01:12and what with the bread and butter getting so thin, and the twinkling of the tea, I've...
01:01:19Twinkling of the what?
01:01:20Uh, it began with the tea.
01:01:23I know that.
01:01:25I'm not a fool.
01:01:26I know the twinkling begins with the tea.
01:01:29Sure.
01:01:30I mean, I'm a fleet idiot, am I?
01:01:33Go on, go on.
01:01:34Like I said, Your Majesty, I'm a, I'm a poor man, and, uh, most things twinkled after that.
01:01:41I didn't.
01:01:42You did?
01:01:43I didn't.
01:01:44I deny it.
01:01:45He denies it.
01:01:46See about that part.
01:01:50After that, I, uh, I, uh, I cut some bread and butter, and...
01:01:54After that what happened?
01:01:56Uh, that, uh, that I, that I can't remember.
01:01:59Yes, yes, well, you must remember it, and I'll have to have you executed.
01:02:03I'm, uh, I'm a poor man, Your Majesty.
01:02:06You're a jolly poor speaker, that is for sure.
01:02:09Get down, sit down, and stand your way.
01:02:13Oh, thank you.
01:02:15God bless you, Your Majesty.
01:02:18Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho
01:02:48That's the end of that, then.
01:02:52Your Majesty must cross-examine this witness.
01:02:55Must I?
01:02:56Yeah.
01:03:09What a touch made of!
01:03:12Pepper, mostly.
01:03:15Anything you want to add to that?
01:03:18Go away, go away with the pepper.
01:03:25Next witness.
01:03:26Oh, don't let's have another witness.
01:03:30Let's have a...
01:03:32Let's have a song.
01:03:35Come on, lads, give us a melody.
01:03:38Come along.
01:03:39Oh, take the time for me.
01:03:43Come and all swing together.
01:03:48Presence shall be saved.
01:03:51And we all swing together.
01:03:53With our bodies between our knees.
01:04:05Yes, we all swing together.
01:04:08With our bodies between our knees.
01:04:14And we all swing together.
01:04:15Oh, they don't reach verdicts like that anymore.
01:04:20Yeah, okay.
01:04:22Right.
01:04:23Next witness.
01:04:25Alice!
01:04:26Ah, what have you got to say for yourself?
01:04:31Nothing.
01:04:33Nothing?
01:04:34Nothing whatever.
01:04:35Oh, that's very important.
01:04:38Unimportant, Your Majesty means, of course.
01:04:42Oh, oh.
01:04:44I thought I meant important.
01:04:47That's what I thought I meant.
01:04:50Ah, well...
01:04:53...
01:04:57...
01:05:03...
01:05:07...
01:05:13...
01:05:15...
01:05:19...
01:05:23Silence in court!
01:05:25Silence in court!
01:05:27To all persons, it's more than a mile high to leave...
01:05:33...caught!
01:05:35I'm not a mile high.
01:05:37Yes, you are.
01:05:38Nearly two miles high.
01:05:41Consider your silences.
01:05:45Your mercies.
01:05:47No, no, no, no!
01:05:49There's more evidence to come yet.
01:05:51This paper's just been picked up.
01:05:53What's in it?
01:05:54I haven't opened it yet.
01:05:55But it seems to be a letter written by the prisoner to somebody.
01:05:59It must be that.
01:06:01I mean, it can't just be written to nobody.
01:06:04You can't just write to nobody.
01:06:06I mean, if you did that all the time...
01:06:08...
01:06:09...
01:06:10...
01:06:11...
01:06:12...
01:06:13...
01:06:14...
01:06:16...
01:06:18...
01:06:19...
01:06:20...
01:06:21...
01:06:22...
01:06:23It isn't directed at all.
01:06:24In fact, there's nothing written on the outside.
01:06:26It isn't a letter at all.
01:06:29It's a set of verses.
01:06:31Are they in the prisoner's hand writing?
01:06:33No, they're not.
01:06:34And that's the queerest thing about it.
01:06:37He's been imitating people's hands and writings again.
01:06:43Please, Your Majesty.
01:06:46I didn't...
01:06:48...
01:06:49...
01:06:50...
01:06:51...
01:06:52...
01:06:53...
01:06:54...
01:06:55...
01:06:56...
01:06:57There's no name signed at the end.
01:06:59Well, that only makes the matter worse.
01:07:02You must have meant some mischief or else you would have signed your name
01:07:06like an honest man.
01:07:08That proves his guilt.
01:07:10It proves nothing of the sort.
01:07:12Hold your tongue.
01:07:13I won't.
01:07:14...
01:07:21...
01:07:22...
01:07:24...
01:07:31What's happening?
01:08:01It is not now as it hath been of yore. Turn whereso'er I may, by night or day, the things which I have seen, I now can see no more.
01:08:31It is not now as it hath been of yore. Turn whereso'er I may, by night or day, the things which I have seen, I can see no more.
01:08:43It is not now as it hath been of yore. Turn whereso'er I may, by night or day, the things which I have seen, I can see no more.
01:08:55Turn whereso'er I may, by night or day, the things which I have seen, I can see no more.
01:09:07Turn whereso'er I may, by night or day, the things which I have seen, I can see no more.
01:09:13Turn whereso'er I may, by night or day, the things which I have seen, I can see no more.
01:09:25Turn whereso'er I may, by night or day, the things which I have seen, I can see no more.
01:09:31Turn whereso'er I may, by night or day, the things which I have seen, I can see no more.
01:09:51Turn whereso'er I may, by night or day, the things which I have seen, I can see no more.
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