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  • 8 hours ago
I Married Joan 1952 Vol 2 - Part-2
Transcript
00:00I married Joan
00:07What a girl, what a world, what a life
00:11Oh, I married Joan
00:15What a mind, love is blind, what a wife
00:18He's gay all day, she keeps my heart laughing
00:23Never know where her brain has blown
00:27To each his own
00:30Can he not ask why I married Joan
00:34The Joan Davis Show
00:36I Married Joan
00:38America's favorite comedy show
00:41Starring America's queen of comedy
00:44Joan Davis
00:46As Mrs. Joan Stevens
00:48And featuring
00:56Jim Backus
00:57As Judge Bradley Stevens
01:00By Mary Joan
01:09Joanie, do you have to be so cheerful?
01:22La-da-dum, ba-da-da-da-dum
01:25Ah, good morning, you wonderful, wonderful guy, you
01:30Joanie, do you have to be so cheerful?
01:33Oh, how can I help it?
01:35Being married to sweet, darling, wonderful you
01:37Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah
01:39Well, that takes care of my shower this morning
01:42Oh, breakfast in bed, what did I do to deserve this?
01:49You married me
01:50Huh?
01:52Yes, this morning I suddenly realized how glad I am that you're my husband
01:56And after all this time, it just occurred to you this morning
01:59Oh, no, darling
02:01Oh, honey, that's a good shootout
02:05No, honey, I've been glad all the time, dear
02:11But this morning, well, I got up very early this morning
02:15I guess I'm excited about the reunion I'm having
02:18With all those old high school girlfriends of mine
02:20Just think I haven't seen them for 15 years
02:23Well, anyway, as I was saying, I got up very early
02:26And, well, I was thinking
02:28Would I be as excited about seeing the girls
02:30If I couldn't tell them that I was married to a judge?
02:34Oh, no, I, uh, I see
02:37Why won't the girls just turn green with envy
02:40When they hear that I'm married to a judge?
02:42Well, honey, uh, maybe some of the other girls married well, too
02:48Maybe, but to a judge
02:50Yes, I guess you're right
02:52You know, judges don't grow on trees
02:54Oh, no, no, let me do that for you, judge
02:58Oh, love her
02:59Well, it isn't every girl who's lucky enough to land a judge
03:05Especially, well, take Minnie, for instance
03:09She was the flighty one of the bunch
03:11Uh, what were you of the bunch?
03:14Me?
03:14Oh, I was the normal one
03:16Oh, yes, darling
03:19I'm just going to be eternally grateful to you
03:22For all the wonderful
03:23Charlie, I can't, you know
03:24Sorry
03:25But when I walk into that old classroom
03:28And meet all the girls
03:29Oh, I'm proud of you
03:31Believe me
03:32Joan, Joan, that I'm right
03:34Oh, I'm sorry
03:36I've had my breakfast
03:37Just excited, I guess
03:40Oh, thank you
03:43Thank you for marrying me
03:45You sweet, wonderful
03:46Honka judge, you
03:48Nimo
03:48Oh, I've had my career
04:05Ah-ha-ha!
04:07Let's go.
04:34Joni, you're going to be a dummy all your life.
04:37Joni!
04:39Gloria!
04:40Oh, oh.
04:41Ever glad to see you?
04:43I thought this would work out.
04:44Guess what happened to me?
04:45I'm married to a judge.
04:46You've never been a judge, Bradley James.
04:49He's awfully young to be a judge.
04:51Let me take a look at you.
04:54You haven't changed the bid.
04:57Oh!
04:58Right over here, I want to hear all about you.
05:00What you've been doing, how you've been doing.
05:02I want to hear every little detail.
05:04Well, you know how I always love sports.
05:05Did you ever hear of Judge Bradley J. Stevens?
05:08Huh?
05:09Well, the man I married happens to be a judge.
05:12Girls!
05:13Minnie!
05:14Oh, is this wonderful!
05:16You know, I've been thinking about this by all the time.
05:18Oh, no!
05:19I made up my mind.
05:20Guess what happened to me?
05:21I'm married to a judge.
05:22I said, I wish I didn't let him take.
05:24I think this is something I would bring up to be a judge.
05:27Let me take a look at you.
05:30You haven't changed a bid, huh?
05:33Now, as I was telling Gloria, the man I'm married to happened to be a judge.
05:38Let me take a look at you!
05:42You haven't changed a bid.
05:45Well, let's all sit down, Judge.
05:47I will never really get off my mind.
05:50Let me take a look at you.
05:55You haven't changed a bid.
05:57And now as I was saying the man that I'm married to you're married Joni. Yes, I am
06:11Oh, that's wonderful. How about you many? You know, I never found the time
06:14No, too busy, you know
06:27What does this say? Judge. Very good. Now, speaking of judges, the man that I'm married to happens to be a
06:40Congratulations. Well, thank you, Minnie. I really think I'm very fortunate myself. It was wonderful. It was so good. Oh, congratulations, Gloria. For what? You mean, you didn't read that Babe Jones was the first person ever to swim across the Bay of Biscay. Well, of course, the papers were full of it, but what's the
06:57What's that got to do with Gloria? You are Babe Jones? You look so different in the pictures with the goggles on and everything. I didn't recognize
07:09Oh, my goodness. Then you're also the national singles and doubles women's tennis champion. Well, what have you been doing, Minnie? Oh, you know me, Joni. Still fooling around with cosmetics. Oh, fooling around, huh? Joni, do you happen to have a lipstick? Oh, sure.
07:27Oh, Madame Minette, eh? Well, of course. It's the best. I wouldn't use anything else. Atta girl. Joni, may I present to you, Madame Minette. How do you do? Madame Minette? But your name is Minnie. Well, who'd buy a lipstick called Madame Minnie?
07:47What have you been doing, Marsha? Oh, working for the government. Civil service, huh? You might call it that. Oh, that's nice. And you're not married, huh? No.
08:02Well, did I tell you, girls, who I married? No. No, we tell us about him. Joni, what does he do? Well, girls, the man I'm married to happens to be a... Come in.
08:16Dr. Bronson? No, there's no Dr. Bronson here. It's just us girls. I'm Dr. Bronson, General. Oh, pardon me.
08:24They told me at your hotel that you'd be here. The president desires to communicate with you.
08:31President? What president? Oh, I'm sorry. He said he wouldn't need me when I called the White House today.
08:37That president?
08:38I know, but something urgent has come up, and he needs your advice.
08:41I know, but it's just a little bit.
09:00I know, but I'm sorry.
09:03You know, Mr. Bronson?
09:04You know, Mr. Bronson, you know, Mr. Bronson, you know, Mr. Bronson, you know, Mr. Bronson?
09:08um tell the president that i advise against it yes doctor and i'll put a call through to him
09:19as soon as i get back to my hotel very good doctor good day ladies
09:28you're that dr bronson of the state department well i had a doctor's degree in political science
09:34so i use the title to appear more anonymous but you're practically their best diplomatic
09:38troubleshooter their ambassador without portfolio so tell us what you've been doing johnny yes with
09:45your pep and ability you must have really made a name for yourself well i'm president of the board
09:51of um i'm chairman of the bureau of um i'm head of the department of i make great meatballs
10:00what about an identity of my own what on earth are you talking about i'm talking about me
10:08bradley stevens that's what i'm talking about i don't know what's going on but joan calm down
10:14you're all upset don't you touch me not after the nasty thing you did to me the nasty thing what did
10:22i do you married me you said you hated me oh well i didn't really mean it that way honey you know
10:35i love you even though i hate you but gosh brad you can't blame me if it weren't for marrying you i might
10:42have been a somebody too like some certain other women that i know some certain other women oh you
10:49mean your three high school friends yeah they made a mark in the world because well they weren't rushed
10:55into marriage look honey you come over here and sit on old brad's lap and we'll talk this over
11:03well if i had had half the chance i could have done just as well as those other girls i was just as
11:09smart in school as they were oh now joanie well i was too now you take minnie schultz for instance if it
11:16hadn't been for me she would have gotten the lowest mark in algebra class you helped her yes i got the
11:23lowest mark joe you know that i know that i could have been a big executive like minnie i just know it
11:32well this is one problem you're going to have to solve yourself yes dear
11:37sure if i hadn't been rushed into marriage i could have been as big a businesswoman as minnie schultz
11:49madame nanette i could have been lady jim imagine me head of the largest cosmetic firm in the world
11:59sitting in my office the largest office in the world what power i'd have the whole country at my feet
12:05the largest feet in the world yes this is lady joan sole owner of lady joan cosmetics oh hiya prez
12:28what u.s treasury is a little low and you're worried about the budget
12:33two billion be enough glad to do it glad oh by the way one little formality uh what are you putting
12:42up for collateral oh i see you'll put up texas but i'm sorry i'm already holding texas for what the last
12:51boy borrowed yes brewster the staff is waiting outside for the regular tuesday business conference
13:01lady joan fine send them in oh wait
13:04light light light me
13:15real cool oh lady joan how can you treat me like this after what we've been to each other please
13:22brewster we're about to have a business conference business business is that all you care about all i
13:27care about is you i love you hopelessly madly insanely i love you do you hear i love you
13:34well don't you have anything to say yes what else is new look at you so cold so cruel so sure of yourself
13:45you can let yourself go enough to accept a man to accept marriage oh silly boy i'm a big power in business
13:55a tycoonist i'm not a foolish emotional girl who wants to scrub away her life for a man
14:01and wind up in nothing
14:09but lady joan i can't go on living like this please brewster one more outburst like that
14:13and i shall remove you as vice president and put you back to your old job eyebrow plucker third class
14:21good afternoon lady joan
14:36staff i am happy to announce that lady joan cosmetics is now the biggest single business in the entire world
14:45and i am the biggest single business executive and why because i'm single
14:56joan what about this shirt you know how i hate starch in the collar haven't you any consideration
15:01for your husband's wishes husband starch shirts why there must be some mistake i'm lady joan i don't have
15:08to worry about husbands and washing shirts and brewster throw this bounder out of here
15:18staff remove this fellow
15:20you know what about the starch in the shirt all right i'll take care of it i'll take care of it
15:47i'll take care of it
15:50or i could have been a great athlete like gloria sure i used to be as good a swimmer as she was
15:58babe jones with the proper breaks i could have been babe stevens
16:05keep it up babe you're doing great this is getting pretty monotonous i know i know babe here have some hot
16:30you know how much fiber you've been in the water for four days you passed the queen mary this morning you should
16:43dock in liverpool tomorrow about three
16:53joan what in the world are you doing this salad dressing tastes terrible and the dinner isn't half
16:58ready don't you realize a husband has certain rights and
17:05no
17:08joanie i taste the salad dressing it's terrible it's flat
17:13well it just needs a little salt
17:19look honey if you want to feel bad about your life all of a sudden that's your privilege
17:23have some consideration for my feelings try and be a little diplomatic
17:31be a little diplomatic huh like marcia bronson i suppose diplomatic people used to like me much
17:38more than marcia dr bronson gosh diplomats they're all over the place london vienna paris
17:48i'm glad to meet you bronson i'm so relieved they've sent you doctor the situation here has become
17:59much too difficult for me to handle the president of france is waiting to see you lead on bronson
18:04mr president may i present mademoiselle stevens
18:14mademoiselle stevens welcome
18:17my country's greetings president and felicitations from my president
18:24but i cannot waste time i am here on a special diplomatic mission but of course whenever the great
18:30john stevens without portfolio and am arrives anywhere in the world history is in the making
18:36i am honored naturally
18:40i feel that an international power shift is in the making if sinaloa moves upon besarabia and
18:46besarabia moves upon indorasia and indorasia moves upon pakisteria and pakisteria moves upon ira
18:53basque serious repercussions will follow that may be felt in pasadena as serious as that
19:00mademoiselle as serious as that if you say so i say so then it must be so naturally and at the same
19:07time due to pressures from these outer fringes and the power squeeze in the middle france may well
19:15become the pulp good heavens what must france do there is only one thing france can do what is that
19:23squeeze back if you say so i say so then it must be so naturally dr stevens a special courier has
19:32just arrived with new orders joan joan you are a special courier with new orders and your orders
19:39are to come home the salad dressing is okay but what about the rest of the dinner
19:42please and damn that i'm in paris
19:54oh brad
20:00that did it
20:04it's no use brad i love you too much not to be honest with you forgive me but i never should have
20:09gotten married well honey i love you too much to stand in the way of your happiness so you go out
20:15and make your mark in the world and after you're famous you come back to me but before you start out
20:19on your new venture you have to be a good little housewife for one more night and fix a nice dinner
20:24we're having company company yes minnie called she and the girls practically invited themselves over
20:29for dinner oh well i'm glad they're coming and they can give me some good advice and start me off
20:36my last night as a housewife of course where the line between right and wrong is not carefully drawn
20:43then a person like myself sitting in judgment upon others must do a lot of soul searching
20:49a judge must be free of pressure well girls i'm turning in my apron for good
20:56girls you don't understand brad has released me i can now concentrate on making my mark in the world
21:04no more drudgery for me you talk about drudgery what do you think i'm up against laboratory breakdowns
21:11advertising budgets sales meetings buyers competitors stabbing you in the back at least you get to stay
21:17home i'm always on the move no place to hang my hat protest marches pickets sabotage on your guard watch
21:26yourself drudgery you should talk up every morning at 5 a.m do your road work for two hours breakfast
21:35one lean lamb chop every day the same thing every day the same lamb chop what are you girls complaining
21:41about well what is it that you girls really what a man to take care of me
21:47what am i crying about i've got a man have you johnny don't you remember you set me free today
22:03oh that's right she did yes she certainly did judge perhaps lunch tomorrow yeah it's what about dinner
22:12save supper time for me i'll meet you any place you say i'll be there too
22:16i do hold it now you girls cut that out but joanie lover i thought you first wanted to make
22:28your mark i do and here it is on you
22:42i want to thank you girls for coming when i called and uh incidentally you did a wonderful job of acting
22:48who was acting
22:56you're a doll brad joan doesn't know what a lucky girl she is
23:01who doesn't
23:04all right dear good night goodbye girl see you 15 years from now it's been swell
23:11get in there you were enjoying that brad
23:18joan
23:28what a girl what a world what a life oh my daddy joan
23:29what a mind love is blind what a wife
23:30do do
23:32do
23:33do
23:34do
23:36do
23:38do
23:42do
23:44do
23:46It's the night that's for a galition.
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