10 Things WWE Wants You To Forget About Vince Mcmahon

WhatCulture

Bodybuilders, a fight against God and more than you can shake a stick at... Welcome to the insane world of Vince McMahon.

Transcript

00:00Vince McMahon is one of the strangest creatures in the universe.

00:03He's stranger than this squid with human teeth.

00:05He's the owner of a huge global corporation,

00:08a multi-multi-millionaire, an industry leader,

00:11and has spent much of his 50s and 60s covered in blood, poo and baby oil.

00:15Also, he looks like the love child of Tommy Lee Jones in every sex pest in the world.

00:19Look at him. You know he's got some pretty huge regrets.

00:22I'm Adam from WhatCulture.com,

00:24and here are the top 10 things WWE want you to forget about Vince McMahon.

00:28Number 10, the night he tore both quads.

00:30The Royal Rumble 2005 had a bad botch at the end of the match,

00:33which led to Batista and John Cena being eliminated at the exact same time.

00:37Seriously, that was not supposed to happen, but look how perfectly they land.

00:41Anyway, confusion reigned for a few minutes until Vince McMahon,

00:43who looked, let's say, a tiny bit miffed,

00:46stormed to the ring and threw himself under the bottom rope.

00:48He tries to get up, but decides against it,

00:50sitting on the ring canvas barking orders like the world's angriest child at a Punch and Judy show.

00:54Turns out that while getting in the ring, he had torn not one, but two quads.

00:58Kevin Nash takes his hat off to you, sir.

01:00It's a stark reminder that Vince McMahon is older than a tortoise's dad's favourite oak tree,

01:04and something that he preferred not to remember.

01:07Number 9, he fought God and won,

01:09because Vince McMahon 316 says,

01:11and you shall worship no other God but me.

01:14Vince has an estranged relationship with the Almighty.

01:16In 2003, he claimed he was chosen by God to slaughter the Undertaker,

01:20but in 2006, as a way of exploiting the well-known fact that previous pill-head Hellraiser HBK had found salvation,

01:26he distanced himself from the Lord, founded his own religion of McMahonism,

01:29and with his demon seed Shane McMahon at his side,

01:32decided to challenge Shawn Michaels to a tag match at Backlash.

01:35Shawn's partner?

01:36God.

01:37Yup, this happened.

01:38Vince talked smack in a church,

01:40messed around with holy water,

01:41and when Backlash finally came,

01:43God came to the ring,

01:45depicted as a spotlight.

01:47Then Vince told God to get jiggy with it,

01:49and he danced around the ring to somebody call my mama.

01:52I'm not making this up.

01:54Vince McMahon is beyond mad.

01:57Number 8, he said what about The Undertaker's wife?

02:00Well, this is an example of how,

02:01hey, things might not be that bad under the PG era.

02:04Remember that feud with The Undertaker I mentioned earlier?

02:06Well, in the lead-up to Survivor Series 2003,

02:09Taker chose Mr McMahon to wrestle him in a Buried Alive match.

02:12Vince was understandably a bit cautious about this,

02:14and in order to get out of the fight,

02:16threatened Paul Heyman.

02:17When poorly dangerously couldn't help him,

02:18Vince lost it and said that he was going to have

02:20Undertaker's house burned down,

02:22and these are his words,

02:23his wife raped by a motorcycle gang.

02:25His wife, she's going to be raped by a motorcycle gang

02:29right in front of The Undertaker.

02:31Wow, that's one of the worst things I've ever heard.

02:35The WWE want this buried deep.

02:37Number 7, the WBF.

02:39Remember the World Bodybuilding Federation?

02:41Of course you don't.

02:42Vince McMahon has always liked people

02:43who look like they're made of lots of rocks glued together.

02:45I mean, look at this picture of him in muscle and fitness.

02:48He's one scary granddad.

02:49In 1990, thinking that the reason that people like WWF

02:52is that they like looking at muscly men,

02:54he started the WBF,

02:55the World Bodybuilding Federation.

02:57Here is a bit from the WBF Championship 1991 recap.

03:01Hmm, that's the most homoerotic thing that has ever happened.

03:04Men in tiny thongs, stretching and bending,

03:06bending and stretching, stretching and bending.

03:09It didn't do very well.

03:11Number 6, his illegitimate son.

03:13Don't give me any of that, he's actually Finley's son bollocks.

03:16That's a cop-out retcon and you should be ashamed of yourself.

03:18In 2007, Vince McMahon blew up.

03:21Boom, there he goes.

03:22He then came back shortly after because of the Chris Benoit incident.

03:25The initial purpose of the fake death, however,

03:27was to reveal that Vince had an illegitimate son on the WWE roster.

03:31Now, they still wanted to go with this angle,

03:32so they tried it again later that year.

03:34Who was Vince McMahon's love child?

03:36Many stars were teased, including Triple H

03:38and all the delightful incest implications that come with that.

03:41The son was originally booked to be Mr. Kennedy

03:43and be the start of a huge push for him.

03:45However, he was implicated in a steroid scandal and got suspended,

03:49so it was revealed that Vince's bastard son was in fact...

03:52Hornswoggle.

03:53Hmm.

03:54They tried to get out of it months later

03:56by saying he was actually Finley's son

03:57and it was all just a trick,

03:58but no.

03:59No.

04:01Hornswoggle McMahon.

04:02That's what it is.

04:03Own up to it, you cowards.

04:05Number 5, the Kiss My Ass Club.

04:07Vince is a bad boss.

04:09He does bad things to the people who work for him.

04:11Case in point, the Kiss My Ass Club.

04:12So...

04:14Right.

04:14Vince's buttocks have been kissed by the following people.

04:17William Regal.

04:18Jim Ross.

04:19Shawn Michaels.

04:20Mick Foley.

04:21Shane McMahon.

04:22His son.

04:22And Hornswoggle.

04:23His son.

04:24Why did people have to kiss an old man's bottom?

04:27Because wrestling is only as sane as the man writing the storylines

04:29and as we've discovered,

04:30Vince McMahon is madder than a fridge full of dogs.

04:33It's a pretty horrible example of stupid art imitating stupid life

04:36and the company would like you to put it behind you.

04:38But if Vince did that to the guys who work for him,

04:40that's nothing compared to the women.

04:42Number 4, he's macked it with most of the women in his company.

04:45So, you're the boss of a company that exclusively hires beautiful women.

04:48What do you do?

04:49You order them to kiss you or let you feel their boobs on national TV.

04:52That's fine, right?

04:54That's not one of the worst examples of workplace harassment

04:56since Willy Wonka organized an Impa Loompa key-swapping party.

04:59Right?

04:59Wrong!

05:00Vince engineered it so

05:01He could kiss and share a bath with Trish Stratus

05:04and make her bark like a dog.

05:06That he could kiss Tory Wilson on her first day in the company.

05:09That he could make Stacey Keebler dance for him.

05:11That he could make out with Sable,

05:13double horrible considering that she'd sued him for sexual harassment years before.

05:16And that he could fondle Candice Michelle's boobs.

05:19What is it like being Vince McMahon's wife?

05:22Number 3, he drugged his wife.

05:24Oh, that's what it's like.

05:25For months leading up to WrestleMania X7,

05:27after asking his wife Linda for a divorce,

05:29Vince began drugging her to the point that she was reduced to a comatose state.

05:32He did this really, really illegal thing on live TV.

05:36He would kiss Trish Stratus in front of his drugged wife

05:38and announce that he would never forgive her for giving birth to his son Shane.

05:42Hmm.

05:43Sure, it paid off at WrestleMania,

05:44but it's still really horrible and weird.

05:46Their family Christmases must be odd.

05:48Funnily enough,

05:49when Linda started running for the US Senate in 2008,

05:52all mentions of being drugged into a coma by her husband suddenly stopped.

05:55Number 2, the XFL.

05:57Screw his in-ring losses.

05:58This is one of Vince McMahon's most public defeats.

06:00In 2001,

06:01in order to capitalize on the WWF's peak popularity after the Attitude year

06:05and get some of that sweet NFL dollar,

06:07McMahon announced a creation of

06:08the Extreme Football League, the XFL.

06:11It would air after the NFL season.

06:12Finished and featured extreme rules,

06:15like, uh,

06:16an opening scramble for the ball

06:18and, um,

06:20a shorter play clock.

06:23Woo!

06:23The omens were bad from the start,

06:25as the XFL promotional blimp crashed over Oakland before the show even began.

06:30It folded after one season following terrible ratings and poor attendance.

06:34WWE lost between $30 and $60 million and Vince himself described it as a colossal failure.

06:40Number 1, the Steroid Trial.

06:42It was a trial that could have taken down the company.

06:45In 1994,

06:46McMahon was taken to court and charged with distributing steroids to his wrestlers.

06:49The superstar formerly known as Nails,

06:51you all remember him,

06:52testified that McMahon had ordered him to take steroids

06:55and even Hulk Hogan appeared for the prosecution,

06:57although he denied that McMahon had ever given him performance-enhancing drugs.

07:00McMahon was acquitted,

07:01narrowly,

07:02but it was one of the lowest points in his life

07:04and had things gone differently,

07:05we might all be watching WCW right now,

07:08which is a galling prospect.

07:11And that's our list.

07:12Did we miss any out?

07:13Tell us about it in the comments

07:13and don't forget to like, share and subscribe

07:15and you can even follow me on Twitter here.

07:18I'm Adam from WhatCulture.com

07:19and I'll see you soon.

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