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  • 7 hours ago
Nothing Sacred -Sd
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00:02:28Ladies and gentlemen, when the morning star summoned you to this banquet,
00:02:40I realized that there were only two people qualified to introduce the great man we are honoring tonight.
00:02:47Either my humble self or that pearl among journalists, Mr. Wallace Cook, my great friend and star reporter.
00:02:56I want Mr. Cook himself to tell you the great feat he performed, not only for the morning star, but for mankind itself,
00:03:05in interesting our guest of honor in this great project.
00:03:09Twenty-seven halls of learning and culture, twenty-seven arenas of art, to be known as the Morning Star Temple.
00:03:31And for every dollar we contribute, our guest has pledged himself to give ten.
00:03:39Ladies and gentlemen, it is my great honor to introduce to you a prince with a heart as big as his pocketbook.
00:03:48That fabulous and magnificent potentate of the Orient, the Sultan of Mazupan.
00:03:54Peace be unto you, my friend.
00:04:07Peace and the blessings of culture.
00:04:10That's him.
00:04:23That's my husband.
00:04:24Well, my fine Oriental potentate,
00:04:50I'm not going to have you arrested.
00:04:52I'm going to put you on the payroll as a janitor.
00:04:57Thank you, sir.
00:04:59And I always want you present in the local room
00:05:02where my reporters and Mr. Wallace Cook
00:05:05can drink you in constantly as a warning against fakes.
00:05:11Yes, sir.
00:05:12May I ask, ain't Mr. Cook a reporter anymore?
00:05:16I wouldn't like for him to lose his job.
00:05:19He was very nice to me.
00:05:21Mr. Cook is not going to be discharged, Your Majesty.
00:05:26For his own good and the good of the Morning Star,
00:05:30I am going to remove him from the land of the living.
00:05:33Why?
00:05:39Wait.
00:05:40The story here is.
00:05:41Give me another re-rank.
00:05:43It's actually, yeah.
00:05:44Happy.
00:05:44Happy, boy.
00:05:45Happy.
00:05:45Happy.
00:05:46Happy.
00:05:47Happy.
00:05:47Happy.
00:05:47Happy.
00:05:47Happy.
00:05:48Hi, baby.
00:05:48Happy.
00:05:50Happy.
00:05:51Happy.
00:05:52Happy?
00:05:52Happy?
00:05:54Happy.
00:05:55Happy?
00:05:55Happy.
00:05:56Hi.
00:05:56Happy.
00:05:58Happy.
00:05:59Happy.
00:06:29All right.
00:06:36Listen, Oliver, I tell you I'm innocent.
00:06:38I was just as fooled by old Black Joe as you were.
00:06:41I believed everything he said just as you did.
00:06:44Now, Oliver, either you cut out these fat-headed monkey shines of yours and let bygones be bygones,
00:06:48or I'm walking out of this fish trap right here and now.
00:06:51You're under contract to the Star for five more years.
00:06:54You're not in a position to resign unless you wish to retire from journalistic efforts over that period.
00:06:59Oliver, you're not going to keep me pounding out obituaries for five years.
00:07:04Those are my plans, Mr. Cook.
00:07:08That's gratitude.
00:07:11I'm the best reporter you've ever had.
00:07:13I've handed you a hundred scoops.
00:07:15It isn't fair, Oliver.
00:07:17It isn't human.
00:07:18Shut up!
00:07:19Oliver, I, uh, I don't like to say this.
00:07:25The paper is going to rack and ruin with me hidden away in that water cooler.
00:07:28Look at this.
00:07:29What's that?
00:07:30Poor little working girl, doomed to death from radium poisoning.
00:07:33We've covered it.
00:07:34Covered it?
00:07:36You're getting old, Oliver.
00:07:37Look, there's one, two, three, four, five.
00:07:39Six lines on hazel flag.
00:07:41A poor little kid with a few months to live at the outside.
00:07:43Doomed.
00:07:44Death staring her in the face.
00:07:45What does she feel?
00:07:46What does she think?
00:07:48Radium eating away her bones.
00:07:49Don't shout at me!
00:07:50Listen, Oliver, there's a story in this kid that ought to tear your heart out.
00:07:53Why is it?
00:07:53Why hasn't this dog got it?
00:07:54I'll tell you.
00:07:55Because I'm stuck away in a water cooler on account of some whim of yours.
00:07:59Listen, Oliver, give me a chance, will you?
00:08:00So help me, may I drop dead, I'll redeem myself.
00:08:02I ought to be shocked for what I'm thinking.
00:08:04What are you thinking?
00:08:05I'm thinking that maybe you ain't the most tittering imbecile on earth.
00:08:09I'm thinking that maybe you've learned your lesson.
00:08:11Oliver, so help me.
00:08:12I'll be at Vermont by morning.
00:08:14I'll dig you up a story that'll make this town swoon.
00:08:16Here's my hand on it.
00:08:22I've been through an inferno.
00:08:24I haven't been able to enter a cafe for the past three weeks without the band playing Dixie.
00:08:30Well, that was a coincidence.
00:08:31I've given you my hand.
00:08:32Go on.
00:08:33Redeem yourself.
00:08:34Thanks.
00:08:34You won't regret it.
00:08:35If I don't come back with the biggest story you ever handled, you can put me back in short pants and make me marvel at it.
00:08:42All aboard!
00:08:54All aboard!
00:08:54You through?
00:09:16Yep.
00:09:18You know this girl, Hazel Flagg?
00:09:20Yep.
00:09:22Pretty girl, eh?
00:09:23Yep.
00:09:25Where is she now, in the hospital?
00:09:27Nope.
00:09:28Just walking around, eh?
00:09:30Laughing, carrying on, I suppose.
00:09:32Yep.
00:09:34What's your name, Coolidge?
00:09:36Nope.
00:09:38Well, if you aren't worn out talking, what is it?
00:09:41Bull.
00:09:42Mr. Bull, my name's Cook.
00:09:44I'm from the New York Star.
00:09:46I, uh, going to be filing a lot of stuff at your telegraph office here.
00:09:51I don't think you are.
00:09:53Well, who says?
00:09:54Paragon Watt's factory owns this town.
00:09:56They don't care they have any scandal printed.
00:09:59What they say goes.
00:10:01Better take the next train back.
00:10:03What kind of a fellow is this Dr. Downer?
00:10:04He won't talk to you.
00:10:06Nobody talked to you in this town.
00:10:08Except me.
00:10:09Better go home.
00:10:10Well, if you don't mind, I'll, uh, take a little stroll and have a look at the sights first.
00:10:16Well, I wouldn't talk to Toll if I knew I was going to do it for nothing.
00:10:19Oh, pardon.
00:10:19I forgot I was in Vermont.
00:10:31Oh, wow.
00:10:32Good morning, sister.
00:10:40You in charge here?
00:10:42Yep.
00:10:42I've been wandering through your fascinating metropolis for an hour.
00:10:48Mind if I sit down here?
00:10:50Yep.
00:10:50I guess you misunderstood me.
00:10:54Nope.
00:10:54You know Hazel Flagg?
00:11:02Yep.
00:11:03Any idea where I could find her this morning?
00:11:07You're a newspaper man from New York.
00:11:09How'd you guess that, sister?
00:11:11You was described to me.
00:11:12Will Bull can shoot his mouth off to you all he wants, but not me.
00:11:15Nor anybody else in this town.
00:11:16This drugstore is run by the Paragon Watch Company.
00:11:18And they don't want any scandal-mongering New Yorkers snooping around.
00:11:23Okay, sister.
00:11:25How much do I owe you?
00:11:27Well, you've taken up my time.
00:11:31Thank you very much.
00:11:32I'm sorry that I've taken up so much of your time.
00:11:36Sorry.
00:11:36I'm sorry.
00:12:06Oh, good morning.
00:12:25Dr. Downer in?
00:12:27Yes.
00:12:29Is that his office?
00:12:30Yes.
00:12:32Would you tell him Mr. Cook would like to see him?
00:12:34Tell him yourself.
00:12:36Dr. Downer?
00:12:51Yes.
00:12:54My name's Cook.
00:12:55I'm up here from New York.
00:12:56Sit down.
00:12:56I'll be with you in a minute.
00:12:57Nice day.
00:13:06Yep.
00:13:06Yep.
00:13:07What do you got, young man?
00:13:08Hive?
00:13:09Oh, no hive.
00:13:11A lot of hives going around.
00:13:12Miss George and Asher was took yesterday.
00:13:14Do you know her?
00:13:15Nope.
00:13:18Where did you say you were from?
00:13:19New York.
00:13:20Well, I was wondering if you could tell me where I could find Hazel Flagg.
00:13:25From New York, eh?
00:13:26Yep.
00:13:27You know what I think, young fella?
00:13:28I think you're a newspaper man.
00:13:30I can smell him.
00:13:31I've always been able to smell him.
00:13:33Excuse me while I open the window.
00:13:35I'll tell you briefly what I think of newspaper men.
00:13:42The hand of God reaching down into the mire couldn't elevate one of them to the depths of degradation.
00:13:49Not by a million miles.
00:13:52I think you're being a little severe toward my profession.
00:13:54Not much, but just a little.
00:13:55Nothing of the sort.
00:13:56I am a fair-minded man, young fella.
00:13:58But when you've been robbed, swindled, cheated for 22 years out of a fortune, it's pardonable to formulate an opinion.
00:14:05From New York, eh?
00:14:06Yep.
00:14:07You don't happen to know of a newspaper called the Morning Star?
00:14:11You have the honor, Dr. Downer, of addressing that newspaper's most gifted representative.
00:14:16Moses in the mountains.
00:14:18You're from the Morning Star?
00:14:19Stay right where you are.
00:14:20Don't move.
00:14:21I'll show you something that'll freeze you.
00:14:24Listen, Doctor.
00:14:25I'm getting sick of this taffy pool.
00:14:27Where can I get a hold of Hazel Flagg?
00:14:29Don't talk to me about Hazel Flagg.
00:14:31No, sirree.
00:14:33Here's the evidence.
00:14:35Now, I appeal to you as a man of learning, Dr. Downer.
00:14:38What is Miss Flagg's address?
00:14:40Don't waste my time, young fella.
00:14:42Here, read that.
00:14:43That's a copy of an essay I wrote.
00:14:45Read it.
00:14:46Go on.
00:14:47Tit for tat.
00:14:48Give me her address and I'll pore over these interesting documents.
00:14:50All night.
00:14:51I entered this contest with a clean pair of hands.
00:14:55Who are the sixth greatest American?
00:14:57I named them and proved why, writing on one side of the paper.
00:15:00And what happened?
00:15:01Did I win the $10,000?
00:15:03No, sirree.
00:15:04Did I win the $5,000?
00:15:06Did they even try to save their face by giving me one of the smaller $1,000 prizes?
00:15:10Not that gang of chicken thieves.
00:15:13Here's what they gave me.
00:15:14Read it.
00:15:14A check for $1.
00:15:15Young fella for 22 years.
00:15:17I must ask you, Dr. Downer, to be reasonable.
00:15:18You can't harbor a grudge for 22 years.
00:15:20I'll harbor it till I die.
00:15:22Wait and see.
00:15:23The Morning Star had a chance to win my respect 22 years ago.
00:15:27They saw fit to swindle and belittle me very well.
00:15:30I'll prove to them before I die who the six great Americans are and who was entitled to
00:15:34the first prize.
00:15:39I could do better in darkest Africa.
00:15:42You know who got that $10,000?
00:15:44The editor's wife.
00:15:44That's the move.
00:15:56Morning.
00:16:04You don't have to sit there looking so dramatic, Hazel, like Eliza crossing the ice.
00:16:12Well, I can't help feeling a little bad you couldn't either if you were going to die any
00:16:16minute.
00:16:17Well, you can stop giving yourself the airs of a dying swan.
00:16:20According to this last analysis I made, you ain't going to die.
00:16:24Unless you get run over or something.
00:16:26What?
00:16:27You heard me.
00:16:29I don't like the two-mine cabbage twice.
00:16:31You know, you know, I'm not going to die.
00:16:34You're fitter than a fiddle.
00:16:36And stop gawking at me or I'll cut myself.
00:16:39Oh, I've got to cry, I can't help.
00:16:43Come, come, come.
00:16:44This is no way to behave in the doctor's office.
00:16:47Besides, that soap will give you the darnedest bellyache you ever had.
00:16:51Oh, you saved my life.
00:16:53Oh, it was nothing.
00:16:55That first diagnosis I made was a mistake.
00:16:57I got to see that I was seeing radium poisoning everywhere.
00:17:00I've been awfully brave, haven't I, not to cry before?
00:17:02Please, I have.
00:17:03Well, now that it's over, I don't mind telling you, Hazel, I felt kind of sorry for you.
00:17:10Sorry.
00:17:18I've been under a great strain.
00:17:20You know, I don't know what I'm so happy about, Innoc, you've got to spoil my trip.
00:17:32What's this, that, Hazel?
00:17:33You know, I was going to take that $200 you get for dying in Warsaw and go to New York and blow it all in and die happy.
00:17:39And now I've got to stay in Warsaw.
00:17:41So, that's your gratitude to me for snatching you from the jaws of death.
00:17:47You know, I don't know which I am, happy or miserable, I'm all mixed up.
00:17:54Innoc, listen.
00:17:55Do you have to hand in that report to the factory?
00:17:57I know it sounds a little dishonest.
00:18:00I'd do it like a shot, Hazel.
00:18:02Only I'd lose my job the minute they found out you weren't going to die.
00:18:06And besides, there's the ethics.
00:18:09Well, thanks for all your trouble.
00:18:11I'm terribly grateful, Innoc.
00:18:17As only it's kind of startling to be brought to life twice and each time in Warsaw.
00:18:30Miss Flagg, pardon me, I'm Wallace Cook from the New York Star.
00:18:35I come up to see you.
00:18:36I know it's hard for you to talk, but if you just listen to me for a little while...
00:18:39I have nothing to say now.
00:18:41It's sort of too late.
00:18:43I know how you feel, Miss Flagg, but I won't ask you any questions about your ailment.
00:18:47I was just to see Dr. Dollar.
00:18:49He told me...
00:18:50Now, please don't try.
00:18:51I was thinking while I was waiting for you to come out, and I got an idea.
00:18:54I want you to come to New York with me.
00:18:56What?
00:18:56As my guest.
00:18:57As the guest of the morning star.
00:18:58Now, don't say anything till I tell you.
00:18:59Oh, I'm not saying anything.
00:19:00If you were my sister or somebody close to me, I'd take you out of Warsaw.
00:19:04Dead or alive, Miss Flagg.
00:19:06Oh, I've always wanted to see the world outside before I...
00:19:08That's tragic.
00:19:09You've lived here all your life, huh?
00:19:10Twice that long.
00:19:11You poor kid.
00:19:12You've never been to New York.
00:19:13Oh, my grandmother took me there when I was three, but I didn't appreciate it.
00:19:16Listen, we'll show you the town.
00:19:17We'll take you everywhere.
00:19:19You'll have more fun than if you lived a hundred years in this moth-eaten yep and no village.
00:19:22Oh, that's so very true.
00:19:24Is it a bargain?
00:19:25I don't know.
00:19:25It would be imposing on everybody because...
00:19:27Imposing?
00:19:28In what way?
00:19:28Oh, I just thought it'd be wrong to make people sad.
00:19:31It'd be kind of a killjoy, wouldn't it?
00:19:33Listen, I'll be frank with you.
00:19:34Even if I sound like a ghoul, you'll be a sensation.
00:19:36The whole town will take you to its heart.
00:19:38You'll have everything you've ever dreamed of, and you'll have it on a silver platter.
00:19:41You'll be like Aladdin with the magic lamp to rub.
00:19:43You mean they'll like me just because I'm dying?
00:19:47Oh, that's a cruel way to put it.
00:19:48No, they'll like you because you'll be a symbol of courage and heroism.
00:19:52We'll talk about it on the plane.
00:19:54Then, Elfling, you mean we're going to fly today?
00:19:55Sure, sure, we haven't much time.
00:19:58I'm sorry.
00:19:59I mean, the sooner you get there, the more time you'll have to enjoy yourself.
00:20:02You know, I was going to go there before I saved up a hundred dollars.
00:20:04And a hundred million dollars couldn't buy her the fun the morning star can give you.
00:20:07Come on.
00:20:07Oh, no, wait.
00:20:07I've got to take him with me.
00:20:09With the kid on the bicycle?
00:20:10Oh, no, no.
00:20:10Enoch, Dr. Donner, you wait here.
00:20:12Oh, you won't go away with it?
00:20:13Nope.
00:20:14Well, I'll go ask him.
00:20:15Will you wait here?
00:20:16Yep.
00:20:16Oh, good.
00:20:17Enoch!
00:20:18Enoch!
00:20:18Enoch!
00:20:19Enoch!
00:20:20Enoch!
00:20:25I don't care for scenery from this point of view.
00:20:47But that's the Statue of Liberty!
00:20:48I've seen it.
00:21:03I got in touch with Oliver for Oliver Stone, my editor.
00:21:06He's toe-dancing in the street, waiting for us.
00:21:09Oh, I hope he's nice like you.
00:21:11Well, he's got a different quality of charm.
00:21:13He's sort of a cross between a Ferris wheel and a werewolf.
00:21:15But with a lovable streak, if you cared a blast for it.
00:21:19You getting nervous?
00:21:20Oh, no, no.
00:21:21I just hope he won't have a lot of long-whiskered doctors lined up to harass me.
00:21:25You know, I'm not coming to New York to play guinea pig for a lot of scientists.
00:21:28Everybody knows the radiant poisoning is incurable, so...
00:21:31So why waste any time in that direction?
00:21:33Don't you worry about that.
00:21:35You won't be bothered at all.
00:21:37You know, I'm not going to bed until I have convulsions and my teeth start falling out.
00:21:41That's when I begin worrying.
00:21:42Is it, Enoch?
00:21:43Just as good a time as any.
00:21:45How are you feeling now, sailor?
00:21:47Hunky-dory, skipper.
00:21:51Well, there she is, in all her beads and ribbons.
00:22:01Mr. Cook?
00:22:02Yes.
00:22:02Oh, thank you.
00:22:03Oh, it's from Oliver.
00:22:07He's almost tongue-tied with excitement.
00:22:08He's worked up a nutty demonstration.
00:22:10New York is going to lay its heart at your feet while the whistles blow and the bands play and the cameras grind.
00:22:17How about you, sailor?
00:22:18Anything you care to say as we go into action?
00:22:20Oh, I'm going to have a marvelous time.
00:22:22Whatever happens afterwards, I mean about the convulsions and all that, I'm going to have fun first.
00:22:26I am.
00:22:27I am.
00:22:27Well, if that doesn't make them cry, nothing will.
00:22:30Cry?
00:22:30Why should they cry?
00:22:32Because you're the bravest kid that ever lived.
00:22:35There's no fake about it this time.
00:22:38Oh, look!
00:22:39Oh, you're welcome.
00:22:39Oh, you're welcome.
00:22:40Oh, you're welcome.
00:22:40We'll be right back there.
00:22:41Oh, come on.
00:22:44Oh, come on.
00:22:45Take care.
00:22:45Oh, come on.
00:22:55Oh, come on.
00:23:06Oh.
00:23:09THE END
00:23:39THE END
00:24:09Don't excite yourself too much. It's just a fake.
00:24:24What did you say?
00:24:25I said, don't excite yourself too much. It's just a fake.
00:24:27Paul, who's a fake?
00:24:28Those grapplers.
00:24:30The only square thing about them is the ring.
00:24:32Well, them.
00:24:32They're a symbol of the whole town, pretending to fight, love, weep, and laugh all the time, and they're phonies, all of them.
00:24:38And I had the list.
00:24:40Oh, no, you don't. Don't say that.
00:24:41Using you to get a bonus and a byline on the front page.
00:24:45Making good over your poor little pain-wracked body.
00:24:47I mean, I'm worse than those great brothers.
00:24:50Oh, I feel fine tonight, Wally.
00:24:52You and the Morning Star have been so wonderful to me.
00:24:54You know, these wonderful gowns and the banquets and the theater tickets and the poetry.
00:24:58Stop looking so happy and gallant, will you?
00:25:01It breaks my heart.
00:25:02Stop looking so happy and gallant, will you?
00:25:32You all right?
00:25:34Oh, yes, I'm fine.
00:25:35You're fine.
00:25:43Ladies and gentlemen, I have just learned that Miss Hazel's flag is in the audience.
00:25:50I would like to ask this distinguished audience to observe ten seconds of silence in respect for Miss Black.
00:26:08Miss Hazel's flag is in the audience.
00:26:38Miss Hazel's flag is in the audience.
00:27:08here running the fleet if I ask you something personal? That's what we're here for, to get
00:27:12personal. Proceed. There's a loose halyard for it. Go make it fast, will you? Yes, my
00:27:17little mariner, yes. Try not to go overboard. I asked several people, but they didn't know.
00:27:23Didn't know what? If you were married. The answer in capital letters is no. N-O. M-O?
00:27:31Yeah, N-O. Oh, I see. I don't suppose newspaper men marry is a rule. Not after they're 14
00:27:37or 15. That's the dangerous age for the journalist. His ideals are not yet formed, and he falls
00:27:42easy prey to elderly waitresses. Once his finer side is born, he waits. Who are you? The sound
00:27:49of the fire alarm, Miss Flagg. Waits to go rushing off to the fire. What fire is that, Mr. Cook?
00:27:54Love. I used to hear about that in Warsaw. Yeah, it's gotten around.
00:28:07You're having fun? Yes, but you know, I get kind of depressed. You know, last night when I
00:28:32had to see it, everybody moaned. Oh. You know, I might as well be a case of walking cholera.
00:28:39Don't do that!
00:28:45I used to love New York when I went gaga over some celebrity.
00:28:49Danced in the streets with a neon light around its heart.
00:28:54Getting fed up with its trick tears and phony lamentations over you.
00:28:58I'm glad they're phony. It makes everything all right in the way.
00:29:01What I mean is, I wouldn't want to feel I was really making all those people suffer.
00:29:17Wally! Wally, look at that man with the toupee!
00:29:19Thank you!
00:29:19Thank you!
00:29:19Thank you!
00:29:20Thank you!
00:29:21Thank you!
00:29:22Thank you!
00:29:23Thank you!
00:29:24Thank you!
00:29:25Thank you!
00:29:26Thank you!
00:29:27Thank you!
00:29:28Thank you!
00:29:29Thank you!
00:29:30Greetings, greetings my little folks!
00:29:46Heh heh.
00:29:47Tonight there was one among us who adds a bit of unaccustomed drama to our little rappel.
00:29:54She sits here, eyes sparkling, her face wreathed in a lovely smile,
00:30:00drinking in the charm, the glitter, the gay sounds of life.
00:30:07So drink your wine, laugh, and applaud,
00:30:10while this little doomed child sits saying goodbye to you.
00:30:16Her last goodbye, with a grateful smile on her lips.
00:30:21So on with the show, my little actress, all.
00:30:24On with the show, for tonight, you are not the famous folk of Broadway.
00:30:31Tonight, you are just a little chorus, laughing and dancing and pirouetting
00:30:35to afford a last brief hour of mirth and jollity
00:30:39to America's simplest and sweetest of heroines, Miss Hazel Flag.
00:30:54For good, clean fun, there's nothing like a wake.
00:31:00Oh, please, please, let's not talk shop.
00:31:02Our next number tonight, ladies and gentlemen, is entitled The Heroine of History.
00:31:11Catherine the Great, who saved Russia.
00:31:22She could do it, too.
00:31:35Lady Godiva, who saved her virtue.
00:31:38That's the way those things go, folks.
00:31:40Katinka, who saved Holland by putting her finger in the dike.
00:32:06Show them the finger, babe.
00:32:08Pocahontas, who saved Captain John Smith and later on set him up in the cough drop business.
00:32:28Now, listen, gentlemen, I want you to meet that little girl from Warsaw, Vermont.
00:32:47That little soldier whose heroic smile in the face of death has rung tears and cheers from the great stone heart of the city.
00:32:57I humbly invite her now to take her place beside all the great heroines of history,
00:33:04our own, Miss Hazel Flag.
00:33:08The Heroine of History
00:34:13Look, something has happened to Hazel.
00:34:28Hazel, Hazel, go on, speak to me.
00:34:30Look out, young fellow, let me at her.
00:34:33Has it come?
00:34:34Doctor, I want to know the worst.
00:34:36I don't want you to spare our feelings.
00:34:37We go to press in 15 minutes.
00:34:46You got a chance, Doctor?
00:34:47I've been expecting something like this.
00:34:49Let's get her out of here.
00:34:50Yep.
00:34:51Quick.
00:34:51Please, everybody, take your seat.
00:34:58Now, quiet.
00:34:58Please, take your seat.
00:35:00There must be no commotion.
00:35:02The show must go on.
00:35:04Hazel would want it that way.
00:35:05I'm disgusted with you, Hazel.
00:35:12Getting drunk in the middle of a memorial.
00:35:15Now, lie down like I tell you.
00:35:16I'm not drunk.
00:35:17I just had a little sip or so, and then all those buffaloes ran over me.
00:35:22They weren't buffaloes, they were horses.
00:35:24I might have been trampled to death.
00:35:27Don't yell, I tell you.
00:35:29If somebody respectable could see you now, that would be pretty, wouldn't it?
00:35:33Shame on you.
00:35:35Take your stockings off.
00:35:37Yeah, the doctor took them over herself.
00:35:41See, he looks lucky.
00:35:48Thanks.
00:35:49What are you doing?
00:35:52I'm not asleep, I'm not asleep, I'm not asleep.
00:35:56Good morning.
00:36:01If anything happens, we'll have to read Clayton.
00:36:04That's all that counts to you, isn't it, you bird brain, with a headline for a heart?
00:36:09That poor, gallant little kid standing in front of that goofy bunch of horses and smiling.
00:36:12Just smiling.
00:36:13Don't waste copy on me, Wallace.
00:36:16Oliver, there's the sweetest, loveliest kid in there that ever lived.
00:36:20Yes.
00:36:21You said that before, Wally.
00:36:23I'm through.
00:36:24I can't play pallbearer any longer.
00:36:26I'm resigning.
00:36:27She's all right, gentlemen.
00:36:29Sleeping like a little baby.
00:36:31No.
00:36:31Are you sure?
00:36:32Just as if nothing had happened.
00:36:34She'll be fitter than a fiddle in the morning.
00:36:36Three o'clock.
00:36:38In the morning.
00:36:39Oh.
00:36:40Oh.
00:36:40Oh.
00:36:40Oh.
00:36:41Oh, my God.
00:36:52Miss Rafferty.
00:36:53Miss Rafferty.
00:36:55Oh, make them stop ringing.
00:36:57That phone will break my head open.
00:37:00Hello?
00:37:00I don't want to talk to anybody.
00:37:03Just a minute.
00:37:04There are 20 little schoolchildren downstairs to sing for you.
00:37:08Mr. Stone arranged for it yesterday.
00:37:10Oh, it's horrible.
00:37:12I go mad.
00:37:13Oh, send them up.
00:37:16You may bring them up, sir.
00:37:18Oh, my God.
00:37:19There's a sawmill inside my head.
00:37:22You may leave the room, Miss Rafferty.
00:37:23I brought you something.
00:37:33Raw eggs.
00:37:37Just what you need.
00:37:39The albumen counteracts the alcohol.
00:37:48Suck them right down.
00:37:49Settle your stomach.
00:37:51Go on.
00:37:51I got a whole dozen.
00:37:52Is this the way drunks feel?
00:37:56Hazel, you've got what is known in medicine as a hangover.
00:38:00I've got something worse than that.
00:38:02I've got a conscience.
00:38:04Oh.
00:38:05Keep on sucking that egg and your conscience will go away.
00:38:08I'm ruining it.
00:38:11Let me have your pulse, Hazel.
00:38:16Don't jiggle me.
00:38:17My pulse is all right.
00:38:18I'm as healthy as an hour.
00:38:20Well, stop groaning, then.
00:38:21You old fraud, you know what I'm groaning about.
00:38:24Oh, I wish, I wish I had radium poisoning or something awful, and then I wouldn't ruin it.
00:38:29Who's this you're ruining, Hazel?
00:38:31Wallace, Mr. Cook.
00:38:32Oh, him.
00:38:34Have another egg.
00:38:35Enoch, listen.
00:38:36He thinks I've helped him become a great journalist, and they're going to give him a bonus.
00:38:39Mr. Stone is a bonus.
00:38:41It's coming out of the $10,000 they owe me.
00:38:44If I'm not complaining, why should he worry?
00:38:46He thinks I've helped, helped him, and it makes him feel better.
00:38:49Oh, I can't stand it.
00:38:51You know what'll happen when they find out I'm a horrible, good-for-nothing fake?
00:38:54They'll blame him, everybody.
00:38:56They'll just burn down the newspaper, and the mayor, he'll have Wally Lynch.
00:39:00You just wait and see.
00:39:01Oh, Enoch, why did you let me come to New York?
00:39:05You were only as honest as you looked.
00:39:10Mr. Cook is here to see Miss Flagg.
00:39:12Do you feel able to speak to him?
00:39:13Oh, I...
00:39:14Donnie, wait, please.
00:39:15Tell him to come in.
00:39:24Come in.
00:39:32Hello.
00:39:33Hello, Hazel.
00:39:34Hello.
00:39:35Hello, Doctor.
00:39:38It, uh, it won't hurt her if I visit a while.
00:39:41She's doing very well for her last few weeks.
00:39:45See, I'm glad to hear that, Hazel.
00:39:51I was, uh, we were worried.
00:39:54Excuse me.
00:39:57I wouldn't have disturbed you, but, uh, I'm going away, and I thought I might not see you again.
00:40:02You're going away where?
00:40:04Odin.
00:40:05Miss to Albany.
00:40:06What for?
00:40:07Just to see the governor.
00:40:09Wallace, what are you doing in Albany with the governor?
00:40:11Now, Hazel, you mustn't get overwrought.
00:40:13Well, if it's about me, I must know about it.
00:40:16It's, uh, about the arrangements, Hazel.
00:40:19What arrangements?
00:40:21For the funeral.
00:40:23What funeral?
00:40:25Yours.
00:40:26Oh.
00:40:29Have I...
00:40:30Have I shocked you?
00:40:31Oh, no, oh, no.
00:40:32Everybody has to have a funeral sometimes.
00:40:34Oh, but not like yours, darling.
00:40:37Gee, I meant to keep it as a surprise.
00:40:39Oh, it's better this way.
00:40:42You're telling me in advance so I can get used to it.
00:40:45Oh, I hope it's going to be a little funeral.
00:40:47Oh, I'm afraid that's way, way impossible, Hazel.
00:40:50According to the present registration, there'll be about 30,000 automobiles and a considerable group on foot.
00:40:56About half a million, I think.
00:40:58Oh, my.
00:41:00Well, that's not half enough to mourn for you.
00:41:02Well, Oliver thought we could get the president, but, uh, he's still fishing.
00:41:09I arranged to have the symphony orchestra there instead.
00:41:12Well, if it's all arranged, why are you going to all of them?
00:41:14Well, uh, I had an idea this morning.
00:41:17I'm getting the, uh, governor to declare a public holiday.
00:41:20For the, uh, occasion.
00:41:22Oh, like St. Valentine's Day.
00:41:23I'm glad I told you.
00:41:26Hazel, I want you to know now and always, I think you're magnificent.
00:41:30Oh, please, please don't say that.
00:41:33Do you have to go away?
00:41:34Well, I'll be back by night.
00:41:37I've got another surprise for you, but I'll not tell you now.
00:41:39Oh, I've got to hear it.
00:41:43Well, I, I promised you I wouldn't do this.
00:41:46You wouldn't do what?
00:41:47Call in any other doctors.
00:41:49Hazel, I know you have great faith in Enoch, but I've broken my promise.
00:41:55Dr. Emil Egelhofer is arriving on the Rex this afternoon.
00:41:58He's from Vienna, and I'm bringing him up to see you.
00:42:01What for?
00:42:02Hazel, he is the greatest expert on radium poisoning in the world.
00:42:06I know it's incurable, but when I heard he was on the Rex, I radioed him.
00:42:10There's, there's always an outside chance.
00:42:12You know, just one in a million.
00:42:13And, you know, I'm sorry, I've, I've got to run to get the ten o'clock plane.
00:42:20Hazel, I, I know it's a long shot, but we can hope, hmm?
00:42:26Goodbye.
00:42:28Goodbye.
00:42:32Pardon.
00:42:32The little children are here, Hazel.
00:42:41What little children?
00:42:42They've come to see him for you.
00:42:44Phoenix, this is the end.
00:42:45Huh?
00:42:45Don't ask any questions.
00:42:46Just listen to me.
00:42:47We're caught.
00:42:47Dr. Egelhofer's coming here tonight to, to expose me and Wally.
00:42:50You've got nothing to fear from any doctor who comes snooping around here.
00:42:55Better have another egg.
00:42:56There's only one way out.
00:42:57There's only one way to save you and me and Wally.
00:42:59I've got to commit suicide in advance before that scientist gets to me.
00:43:02I've got to be drowned.
00:43:03Oh, suck this egg.
00:43:05I can't.
00:43:05Oh, shut up.
00:43:05I'll leave a note to the city thanking everybody.
00:43:08You, you get rid of the nurse for the evening, and then I'll jump into the river.
00:43:11Somebody's bound to see me jump in, and you'll be waiting in a rowboat to fish me out, and
00:43:15I'll swim underwater, and I'll change my name, and, and hide away for the rest of my life,
00:43:20and never, never see him again.
00:43:22Oh, they'll hold the funeral without me.
00:43:30For you, Hazel, we are cheering.
00:43:34Now the end is bounding, hearing.
00:43:38Like an angel, you're appearing.
00:43:43Hooray for Hazel Flag.
00:43:48Gal and Hazel Flag believe us.
00:43:52Your passing will so deeply grieve us.
00:43:56When you only have to leave us,
00:44:00three cheers for Hazel Flag.
00:44:05Hazel Flag is going fast.
00:44:07She's helping with the tide.
00:44:09She's riding with the glory to the aint of their side.
00:44:14Hazel Flag is going to the glorious land above.
00:44:17Ah!
00:44:17Ah!
00:44:18Ah!
00:44:18Ah!
00:44:19Ah!
00:44:19Ah!
00:44:20Ah!
00:44:20Ah!
00:44:21Ah!
00:44:21Ah!
00:44:22Ah!
00:44:22Ah!
00:44:23Ah!
00:44:23Ah!
00:44:24Ah!
00:44:24Ah!
00:44:25Ah!
00:44:25Ah!
00:44:26Ah!
00:44:27Ah!
00:44:27Ah!
00:44:28Ah!
00:44:29Ah!
00:44:29Ah!
00:44:30Ah!
00:44:31Ah!
00:44:32Ah!
00:44:33Ah!
00:44:34Ah!
00:44:35Ah!
00:44:36Ah!
00:44:36Ah!
00:44:58Ah!
00:44:59Ah!
00:44:59Ah!
00:45:00This is Ernest.
00:45:02Honey, what kind of flowers do you like?
00:45:05Huh?
00:45:06Don't worry, honey.
00:45:07They're all the same price.
00:45:09I'm getting them wholesale.
00:45:12Be right up, honey.
00:45:30Hello, get me the morning stop, quick.
00:45:48Who committed suicide?
00:45:51Read it to me.
00:45:52Dear New York City, goodbye.
00:45:55Remember me as someone you made very happy.
00:45:58I have enjoyed everything.
00:46:02There's only one thing left to enjoy.
00:46:05Your river.
00:46:07It smiles outside of my window.
00:46:10It is easy to die when the heart is full of gratitude.
00:46:15Hazel Flag.
00:46:19Hello, Oliver.
00:46:20Oh, we got our holiday.
00:46:21The governor has agreed to let up.
00:46:25Jumping H. Sebastian.
00:46:27She's double-crossed.
00:46:28Who has?
00:46:29Miss Flag.
00:46:31She's gone over to some other paper?
00:46:32She's gone into the river.
00:46:34Listen, you weasel brain.
00:46:35What are you trying to tell me?
00:46:37Hazel Flag has committed suicide.
00:46:39I don't believe it.
00:46:41Ernest, your sultan found her suicide note.
00:46:45He saw her leave the hotel five minutes ago.
00:46:48Give me the mayor at once.
00:46:50Get the governor.
00:46:51Tell him we want that holiday tomorrow.
00:46:52You're a fine pair of gravediggers.
00:46:54You and the governor both.
00:46:55Hello, hello, mayor.
00:46:56This is Wallace Cook of the Star calling.
00:46:57I don't know.
00:46:58I don't know.
00:46:58I don't know.
00:46:59I don't know.
00:46:59I don't know.
00:47:00I don't know.
00:47:00I don't know.
00:47:00I don't know.
00:47:01I don't know.
00:47:01I don't know.
00:47:02I don't know.
00:47:02I don't know.
00:47:03I don't know.
00:47:03I don't know.
00:47:03I don't know.
00:47:04I don't know.
00:47:04I don't know.
00:47:04I don't know.
00:47:04I don't know.
00:47:04I don't know.
00:47:05One, two, three, Inok!
00:47:32Inok!
00:47:35Okay, Hazel, okay.
00:47:39One, two, three.
00:47:43Hazel, stop!
00:47:45Stop!
00:47:50Stop!
00:47:52Crazy fool!
00:47:54What the devil's the matter with you?
00:47:56What are you trying to do?
00:48:02Wally, Wally, are you all right?
00:48:12Sure, I'm all right.
00:48:15But I can't swim!
00:48:18Wally!
00:48:19Get in!
00:48:20Oh, Wally, I can't.
00:48:22I was just...
00:48:24It's a fine, sweet trick you tried to play.
00:48:43Well, why didn't you stay in Albany?
00:48:45Jumping up up here like some hop-head.
00:48:47I didn't jump, I was pushed!
00:48:48I was pushed!
00:48:49Garing everybody out of their witch?
00:48:50Stop, boy!
00:48:51I wasn't...
00:48:52Listen, Hita, you give me your word of Arnie you won't try that again or I'll spank you
00:48:53a little...
00:48:54Oh, Wally, don't you think you ought to notify them that you've located me?
00:48:56You know, it seems unfair to have dragging the river.
00:48:58Oh, the fresh air will do them good.
00:49:00Come on, I want to talk to you.
00:49:01Oh, Wally!
00:49:03This is as good a place as any.
00:49:06Get in!
00:49:10Oh, it's awfully cozy, isn't it?
00:49:13Are you still mad at me?
00:49:14I'm mad at myself, drooling away to you about the funeral.
00:49:18That's what drove you to it.
00:49:19Well, to be really frank with you, Wallace, it wasn't that at all.
00:49:22Oh, darling, I'd love to sit in here with you for the rest of my life.
00:49:26Hazel, will you marry me?
00:49:35What?
00:49:37You heard me.
00:49:38Will you marry me?
00:49:39Oh, Wally.
00:49:40Come on, answer me.
00:49:41Oh, but darling, there's no future in it.
00:49:43Now, don't talk like a half-wit.
00:49:45I don't care about the future.
00:49:47Oh, Wally, if things are normal, I'd...
00:49:49Oh, Wally, I... I mustn't.
00:49:51Don't ask me.
00:49:52Please just kiss me once more and let it go without ruining you.
00:49:55So what the devil is the better to life than we've got?
00:50:00A handful of perfect hours.
00:50:02That's all the luckiest to ever get out of it.
00:50:04Just a handful of hours to save and remember.
00:50:08And then I'll be there at the end, sailor.
00:50:11I'll be there waving you goodbye.
00:50:14It'll be the same as if you and I'd lived forever.
00:50:17And you will grow old in my heart.
00:50:21Okay.
00:50:23You seen anything of a young lady that jumped in the river?
00:50:34Yes, she's right here.
00:50:35All right.
00:50:36Jim, get the bull motor.
00:50:38Oh, never mind the bull motor.
00:50:40No, her breathing's fine.
00:50:42Just...
00:50:43Drive us to her hotel, will you?
00:50:46Sure.
00:50:47Jump in.
00:50:58Jump in, Jiminy.
00:51:05Oh, oh, thank you.
00:51:06You're welcome.
00:51:07Uh...
00:51:08You're welcome.
00:51:09Uh...
00:51:10You're welcome.
00:51:11Uh...
00:51:12You're welcome.
00:51:13Well...
00:51:14Looks as if I finally get my ride on a fire engine.
00:51:16Yes.
00:51:17Yeah.
00:51:18You're welcome, Jim.
00:51:19Not here, Jim.
00:51:20You're welcome, Jim.
00:51:21Jim?
00:51:22Jim.
00:51:23Okay, Jim.
00:51:24Oh, my God.
00:51:28He's coming.
00:51:30Oh, my God, it's happening!
00:51:46Annika, go now and bat out the story.
00:51:48Oliver's having a cat fit.
00:51:50You know, I've been misjudging him.
00:51:52When I told him you were safe and sound,
00:51:53he choked up and he couldn't talk for a minute.
00:51:56Oh, yes, he's very sweet.
00:51:59Well, I'll see you in the morning.
00:52:02Have a good sleep.
00:52:04Good night.
00:52:05Yes, sir.
00:52:06Oh, it's a big fire.
00:52:08Oh, if you ever hate me, remember this, this, this, this, this.
00:52:20The biggest fire since Rome.
00:52:28Well, well, well, hello, Ezra.
00:52:40Come in.
00:52:41I was wondering what ever become of you.
00:52:46Annika, who is that man?
00:52:47Annika, who is that man?
00:52:49Oh, he's just a stranger from Europe.
00:52:51Drop in for a little chat.
00:52:52We've been discussing medicine, pro and con.
00:52:56Oh, excuse me.
00:52:58I wanted to shoot you to Hazel Flagg.
00:53:02Mr., uh, what did you say your name was?
00:53:05Egelhofer.
00:53:05Dr. Emil Egelhofer.
00:53:08Dr. Offalegger?
00:53:09It seems to me I've heard of you somewhere, doctor.
00:53:14Oh, Annika, Annika, sit down now.
00:53:16I received a radio on the ship from the Morning Star, Miss Flagg,
00:53:20which excited my professional as well as humane interest.
00:53:24And I called on you at once.
00:53:28Ah, that must be my colleagues.
00:53:32Come right in, gentlemen.
00:53:32This is the young lady, Miss Hazel Flagg.
00:53:40Dr. Oswald Funch of Prag.
00:53:45Dr. Felix Maratschowski of Moskau.
00:53:49Dr. Friedrich Kirchenweiser of Berlin.
00:53:52All of the darkies and my weepy
00:53:59amassas in the cold, cold ground.
00:54:07There is no vestige, no trace, no single symptom
00:54:11of radium poisoning in this young woman, Mr. Stone.
00:54:16We had some trouble with that horse doctor from Vermont.
00:54:19But we took the x-rays regardless.
00:54:25Are you sure you examined the right woman
00:54:28and not some, some imposter?
00:54:32Oh, the only imposter in this case, Mr. Stone,
00:54:36is this young woman we examined.
00:54:38The young woman who is known as Hazel Flagg.
00:54:43Here's the full report of this examination.
00:54:46Here's the x-ray pictures showing the entire skeleton
00:54:50of this young woman known as Hazel Flagg.
00:54:53And here, Mr. Stone, is my bill.
00:54:58Our bill.
00:55:00And I will assure you, not me or my colleagues
00:55:04will say one single word of this to the newspaper.
00:55:08Good-bye.
00:55:17You have nothing more to worry about, Mr. Stone.
00:55:19Your troubles are over.
00:55:30Send me up four sluggers from the circulation department.
00:55:33I've got a bullet in a new lead for you on Hazel Flagg
00:55:46that's going to read that sour puss of yours
00:55:48into a nosegay of smiles.
00:55:50Well, sit tight and tuck in your ears.
00:55:54Miss Flagg is getting married tonight.
00:55:57And wish me luck, old weasel brain.
00:55:59It's me.
00:55:59It's me.
00:55:59It's me.
00:56:03Now, listen, I know it sounds hysterical
00:56:05marrying somebody with a few weeks to live.
00:56:08Like honeymooning with a hearse at the front door.
00:56:12But, Oliver, it's on the square.
00:56:18What's the matter with you?
00:56:20Listen, I want you to be best man.
00:56:22Are you astute or something?
00:56:26I came in for congratulations.
00:56:28What's up?
00:56:29What's eating you?
00:56:30I am sitting here, Mr. Cook,
00:56:34trying to figure some way
00:56:36out of the blackest disaster
00:56:38that has ever struck down an innocent man
00:56:41since the days of Judas Iscariot.
00:56:45What are you mumbling about?
00:56:46What disaster?
00:56:48I am sitting here, Mr. Cook,
00:56:50toying with the idea of removing your heart
00:56:55and stuffing it like an olive.
00:56:57Hang on, Oliver.
00:56:59You're going screwy.
00:56:59I'll get what?
00:57:00You ruined me.
00:57:02You ruined the morning star.
00:57:04You blackened forever the fair name of journalism.
00:57:07You and that foul botch of nature, Hazel Flagg.
00:57:12You got some excuse for those words, Oliver.
00:57:14Let's have it quick.
00:57:15Excuse!
00:57:16Excuse!
00:57:17Look at that!
00:57:19Look at that skeleton!
00:57:21Not a bone missing.
00:57:22Down to the last healthy vertebrae.
00:57:25Intact!
00:57:25Read that!
00:57:27Rub your nose in it!
00:57:28That's Hazel Flagg!
00:57:30The biggest fake of the century!
00:57:32A lying, faking witch
00:57:33with the soul of an eel
00:57:35and the brain of a tarantula!
00:57:36She hasn't got anything wrong with her at all.
00:57:40Sweet heaven, I can't believe it.
00:57:42It's like some miracle.
00:57:44Get to the Waldorf Hotel as quick as you can!
00:57:47Grab Hazel Flagg and bring her to this office.
00:57:49If you have to, drag her through the street by the hair!
00:57:51So help me, Oliver.
00:57:51If you hurt that kid, I'll knock you cold.
00:57:53I'll bring you.
00:57:53You stay here and watch that maniac.
00:57:55Watch every move he makes.
00:57:57I want Hazel Flagg in this office within half an hour!
00:58:01You're staying here.
00:58:02Listen, Oliver, you're not going to hurt her.
00:58:03Shut up!
00:58:03I'm marrying her.
00:58:05Get that into that monkey skull of yours.
00:58:07I don't care how we've been taken or what she's done,
00:58:08I'm in love with her.
00:58:09Oh, that's a beautiful thought.
00:58:10And I thank God on my knees that she's a fraud and a fake and isn't going to die.
00:58:13You're on your knees thanking God, are you,
00:58:15when the whole town's getting ready to laugh at us,
00:58:17a howl that'll be heard around the world.
00:58:19Let them laugh.
00:58:19I'll do my own laughing back.
00:58:21It'll be worse than the French Revolution.
00:58:23I hope I'm here when it breaks.
00:58:25I want to make one speech to our dear readers
00:58:27before they carry our heads off on a pike.
00:58:29I want to tell them we've been their benefactors.
00:58:31We gave them a chance to pretend that their phony hearts
00:58:34were dripping with the milk of human kindness.
00:58:36What's your name?
00:58:38Who, me?
00:58:39Max.
00:58:39I want quiet in this office, Max.
00:58:43Quiet so I can think.
00:58:46The hazel flag's a fraud, eh?
00:58:48Daddy!
00:58:49So when you start yelling foul,
00:58:50remember she was just a circulation stunt for you.
00:58:52You used her like you've used every broken heart
00:58:54that's fallen into your knapsack
00:58:55to inflame the daffy public and help sell your papers.
00:58:58That's enough about selling papers.
00:59:03Here we go!
00:59:05Go, Esmer.
00:59:05Oh, come on!
00:59:14Before I finish with that female Dracula,
00:59:16she'll know one thing,
00:59:17that Oliver Stone is worse than radium poisoning
00:59:20four ways from the jet.
00:59:25Hello?
00:59:26Hello?
00:59:27Who?
00:59:28Moe?
00:59:28Moe who?
00:59:30Who's Moe Levinsky?
00:59:32That's my brother.
00:59:33You sent him over to get that girl.
00:59:34You remember?
00:59:35Uh-oh, Moe, listen.
00:59:37What?
00:59:38What's that?
00:59:39Well, what are you stalling for?
00:59:41Get her back here to the office as I ordered.
00:59:43Get the mush out of your mouth, man,
00:59:45and speak up.
00:59:46He's a dumb cluck, Mr. Stone.
00:59:48You better let me talk to him.
00:59:50You'll just get him excited,
00:59:51then he's gone.
00:59:52Hello, Moe.
00:59:55This is Max.
00:59:56What's on your mind?
00:59:59Uh-huh.
01:00:01Uh-huh.
01:00:03That's a shame.
01:00:04What is it?
01:00:05I'm getting it.
01:00:06Go on, Moe.
01:00:07And take it easy.
01:00:10Uh-huh.
01:00:12Uh-huh.
01:00:13You don't say.
01:00:16Look, Moe, hold the wire, will you?
01:00:18I'll take it up with Mr. Stone.
01:00:19Will?
01:00:20He wants to know where he can get a doctor.
01:00:22This girl is sick.
01:00:23Who's sick?
01:00:24This girl, Hazel Flagg.
01:00:26It's a lie.
01:00:27Listen, Max.
01:00:28Ask him what she's sick with.
01:00:29He told me.
01:00:30He said it's something like the DTs.
01:00:33Only the dope can't pronounce it.
01:00:35Well, there's the nurse there.
01:00:36Just a minute.
01:00:38Hello, Moe.
01:00:39Hello, Moe.
01:00:39This is Max.
01:00:42Your brother, Max.
01:00:44He's getting rattled.
01:00:46Now, don't fly off the handle, Moe.
01:00:48All I want to know is the noise there.
01:00:51No, not a noise.
01:00:53Noise, like a tootsie.
01:00:56That's right.
01:00:58Uh-huh.
01:01:00Uh-huh.
01:01:01Give me that phone.
01:01:02I'm getting it.
01:01:03Give me that phone, I tell you.
01:01:06Here's the noise.
01:01:07Miss Rafferty?
01:01:09Oliver Stone.
01:01:10Pneumonia?
01:01:11It's a lie, I tell you.
01:01:13Temperature of 106?
01:01:15Dying?
01:01:16Go back and take her temperature again.
01:01:18I don't trust that girl until I get a doctor.
01:01:20No, not Dr. Downer.
01:01:22Tell Moe to throw that Vermont quack out of the room the minute he shows his face.
01:01:26Get me, Moe.
01:01:28Pneumonia.
01:01:29It's the finger of God, if it's true.
01:01:31Listen, Moe.
01:01:33Don't let anybody leave that room until I get there.
01:01:36Dead or alive, nobody leaves that room.
01:01:38Get me?
01:01:39It's like a pardon from the gallows.
01:01:41But I'm trusting nobody this time.
01:01:43I'm taking no chances.
01:01:45Hello.
01:01:46Hello.
01:01:46Get me Dr. Emil Egelhofer of Vienna.
01:01:49Wherever he is.
01:01:51Well, try all the hotels.
01:01:52Listen, Oliver.
01:01:52I'm going over there.
01:01:55And if you try to stop me, so help me, I'll get you if it takes all my life.
01:01:58Nobody is going to stop you now.
01:02:00If that little girl is sick, your place is by her side.
01:02:02Yes, Dr. Emil Egelhofer of Vienna.
01:02:07Well, try the medical center.
01:02:11Try Schultz's beer garden.
01:02:12No, I don't want to see the mayor.
01:02:21Take the mayor away from me.
01:02:22I want Wallace.
01:02:24Wallace, where are you?
01:02:26Cut out the shenanigans, will you?
01:02:27We haven't got any time to lose.
01:02:29Wally.
01:02:30Wally, I'm on fire.
01:02:31Wally.
01:02:31Now, shut up for a minute and listen to me.
01:02:34Egelhofer's going to be here in 10 or 15 minutes.
01:02:36Egelhofer.
01:02:38Dr. Emil Egelhofer of Vienna.
01:02:42I knew you were faking the minute I...
01:02:43Oh, Wally, they were going to arrest me.
01:02:45I couldn't get away.
01:02:45You know, I put the thermometer under the hot water and threw a fit.
01:02:48Oh, Wally, you hate me.
01:02:50I knew you'd hate me.
01:02:51I told you.
01:02:52I told you.
01:02:53Let's not go into that now.
01:02:55Oh, Egelhofer, you'll expose me again.
01:02:57There's four of them.
01:02:58Now, keep your head and listen to me.
01:03:00Oh, you hate me.
01:03:01Now, shut up.
01:03:01Where's the hot water?
01:03:03It's in bed.
01:03:04As if I didn't know.
01:03:07Have you got two thermometers?
01:03:08Three.
01:03:09I've got three.
01:03:10Sure enough.
01:03:11You'll never forgive me for what I've done to you.
01:03:14Wally, I want to die on it.
01:03:16I don't want to live another minute.
01:03:17It's been a lot of fun playing me for the world's price, chump.
01:03:20Where's the other thermometers?
01:03:21Here.
01:03:22Wallace Cook, king of the boobs.
01:03:23The only genuine horse's neck on the market.
01:03:26I didn't mean it, really.
01:03:27I didn't mean it.
01:03:27All right, shut up and listen to the greatest sucker in Christendom and listen hard.
01:03:31Eggelhofer is coming.
01:03:32With his gang?
01:03:33What gang?
01:03:34Well, he's got a wagon load of scientists with him with, you know, microscopes and a searchlight.
01:03:37Oh, I'm sunk.
01:03:38I give up.
01:03:40Get out of bed.
01:03:40No, no.
01:03:42Let them arrest me and put me in prison so you won't hate me so much if I'm behind bars.
01:03:47Listen, my dying swan.
01:03:48This is no time to stop, Faye.
01:03:49Ouch.
01:03:50You're going to have pneumonia and you're going to have it good.
01:03:52Well, you want me to stand in front of a window and catch cold?
01:03:54No, that would take too long.
01:03:57You've got to raise your pulse to 160, quick.
01:04:00You've got to have your gasping, panting, and covered with a cold sweat inside of five minutes.
01:04:04How?
01:04:05Oh, I don't...
01:04:05Fight.
01:04:06Fight.
01:04:07Come on.
01:04:07Come on, Delilah.
01:04:08Up with your juice.
01:04:09Oh, I can't.
01:04:10I'm sick of faking and lying.
01:04:13Take that ice pack off your head and fight.
01:04:14No, no.
01:04:15What's the use?
01:04:16Why fool them any longer?
01:04:18Because I love you.
01:04:21Because I'm going to marry you when I don't want to spend my honeymoon hanging around sing-sing
01:04:25blowing kisses to you in the exercise yard.
01:04:27Come on.
01:04:28Stop dogging it.
01:04:29You've got to be bathed in perspiration.
01:04:31Come on.
01:04:32Get going, you little crook.
01:04:33Who's a crook?
01:04:35You and your crooked newspaper.
01:04:36What?
01:04:37The baby?
01:04:38Come on.
01:04:38Keep moving, snake brains.
01:04:39Come on.
01:04:40I'll kill you.
01:04:41Spagging at me like I ran like I was a prize pig with a blue ribbon on.
01:04:46Oh, blue ribbon's on you, baby.
01:04:47That's a big yellow sign marked fake.
01:04:49Huh?
01:04:50I'm a fake, huh?
01:04:50Hmm?
01:04:51I'm a fake.
01:04:52What are you and that phony Santa Claus Oliver Stone slobbering and drooling over me?
01:04:56That's for the heroines of history.
01:04:57Hmm?
01:04:58And that's for your Aunt Mary.
01:04:59Ah!
01:05:00Come on.
01:05:00Keep moving, my little fraud.
01:05:01I'll never forgive you.
01:05:02As long as I live, I won't.
01:05:03I just hate you.
01:05:04I just hate you.
01:05:05I'm asking.
01:05:06Let go of me.
01:05:08Let go of me.
01:05:11Oh, I hate you.
01:05:15You're going to have plenty of reason to hate me.
01:05:17I'm going to show you cards and spades and lying for the next 50 years.
01:05:20I'm going to pay you back for every lie you're told.
01:05:21I'm going to flirt and lie and cheat and swindle right through to our golden wedding.
01:05:25Yeah, yeah.
01:05:25Let me hit you just once.
01:05:26All right.
01:05:27Come on.
01:05:28That's it.
01:05:29Come on.
01:05:29Keep coming.
01:05:30Faster.
01:05:30Faster.
01:05:31Come on.
01:05:32Keep coming.
01:05:32Faster.
01:05:33Faster.
01:05:33That's it.
01:05:34Keep swinging.
01:05:34That's the girl.
01:05:35That's it.
01:05:36What's the matter?
01:05:37Come on.
01:05:38Oh, I'm getting dizzy.
01:05:40Is it?
01:05:41Now, that's fine.
01:05:42That's fine.
01:05:43Now, listen to me and listen carefully.
01:05:44When you come to, I want you to remember what I'm saying.
01:05:46What do you mean, come to?
01:05:47I mean when you'll regain consciousness.
01:05:49I want you to switch thermometers.
01:05:51Put the hot one in your mouth.
01:05:52You get me?
01:05:53Yeah, yeah.
01:05:53Let me suck you just once.
01:05:55Just once on the jaw and I don't care what happens.
01:05:58All right.
01:05:58Come on.
01:05:59Come on.
01:05:59Whoa.
01:06:00I just heard the elevator door.
01:06:01They're coming.
01:06:01Don't forget about the thermometer.
01:06:03Yeah, yeah.
01:06:04All right.
01:06:04Say goodnight to Papa now.
01:06:06Well, what are you going to do?
01:06:07Come on.
01:06:23You put up a nice fight, Wally.
01:06:43All right.
01:06:44You mean to say you saw the whole thing?
01:06:50From the beginning, Mr. Cook.
01:06:52You mean to say you stood there and let me beat up a defenseless woman?
01:06:55I did, Mr. Cook.
01:06:56Where's your sense of chivalry?
01:06:58My chivalry?
01:06:59Aren't you just a trifle confused, Mr. Cook?
01:07:01You hit her.
01:07:02That's entirely different.
01:07:04I love her.
01:07:04Water.
01:07:18Water.
01:07:19Water.
01:07:21I'm sorry.
01:07:22I'm sorry.
01:07:23I'm sorry.
01:07:24Well, you can cool off now, Hazel.
01:07:26The jig is up.
01:07:28What?
01:07:28What?
01:07:29The jig is up.
01:07:32You mean to say the whole thing was, was, was, was, was,
01:07:34for nothing?
01:07:35I'm sorry.
01:07:36You thought you could put one over on Oliver Stone, eh?
01:07:38Well, I guess I still know a fate.
01:07:39You keep out of this.
01:07:43Wally.
01:07:44Yes, dear?
01:07:54Oh, Wally.
01:07:54Wally, I didn't mean to do it.
01:07:55I didn't mean to do it.
01:07:56I love you.
01:07:57I love you.
01:08:02Miss Flagg, I wonder if you were aware of this.
01:08:04The traditions of a great newspaper.
01:08:07Do you realize what it means to those who carry aloft the torch of journalism?
01:08:11From the highest editor to the lowest office boy, the lifeblood of a newspaper, Miss Flagg,
01:08:16is its integrity.
01:08:18Am I right, Wally?
01:08:19Word for word.
01:08:21I wrote that speech for you ten years ago at the Cleveland Convention.
01:08:26You remember?
01:08:26You can both talk all you want.
01:08:28I've made up my mind.
01:08:30You're what?
01:08:31I'm through.
01:08:32What do you mean, you're through?
01:08:33I'm going to confess.
01:08:34I'm going back to Warsaw.
01:08:35They love me there.
01:08:36They don't hit me on the jaw and push me in rivers.
01:08:39But you can't confess.
01:08:40Do you realize that out there are some of the most important citizens of this town?
01:08:44All of those people are out there by special invitation from the Morning Star.
01:08:47And why?
01:08:48To pass on to the people of New York, to the people of the world, your last words.
01:08:55For instance.
01:08:56Now, this is no time for sarcasm, Wally.
01:08:58You got me into this.
01:08:59You get me out.
01:09:00Use your brain.
01:09:01Mine's stunned.
01:09:03Where's Dr. Downer?
01:09:04Where's that weasel-hearted medico?
01:09:07He's been on a toot.
01:09:08We could use him.
01:09:09We could throw him to the wolves.
01:09:11Just when we need him, he isn't here.
01:09:13I got an idea.
01:09:17We can bury her like they do in India.
01:09:20You know, like the yogis.
01:09:22We can stick a tube down for her to breathe through
01:09:24and dig her up in the morning with no harm done.
01:09:29You do it!
01:09:30You're ready!
01:09:31Wally, stop her!
01:09:32Stop her!
01:09:33I'm a fool!
01:09:35I'm a fool!
01:09:35I'm a fool!
01:09:36I'm a faith.
01:09:37I'm a fool.
01:09:37I'm not going to die.
01:09:38I was never going to die.
01:09:39I never had radium poisoning.
01:09:41I never had anything.
01:09:42I wanted to trip to New York and I got it.
01:09:44And what's more, you and New York can go play!
01:09:47Mr. Stone, is this true?
01:09:51Yes.
01:09:54Well, this is terrible.
01:09:55Terrible.
01:09:56I endorsed this thing.
01:09:57I sponsored this girl.
01:09:59I gave her the key to the city.
01:10:00And just as an election was coming up.
01:10:06Here's your key.
01:10:07I won't be needing it anymore.
01:10:08Miss Flagg, I represent 100,000 young matrons.
01:10:13We've switched the whole study course from the menace of communism to the inspiration of Hazel Flagg.
01:10:18Miss Flagg, the Girlfriends of the Forest have just organized a Hazel Flagg unit with me as Chief Ranger.
01:10:25Already we have 4,000 members.
01:10:27If you persist in flaunting your recovery in this flagrant manner,
01:10:31the Trees of America will be without Girlfriends.
01:10:34Ladies and gentlemen, the Morning Star keeps faith with its readers.
01:10:45This thing must not get out.
01:10:48Oh, let me alone.
01:10:49I wish I really could die.
01:10:50Go someplace by myself and die alone like an elephant.
01:10:55Go, come on.
01:10:56Go.
01:10:56I wish I would die.
01:10:57I wish I could die alone like an elephant.
01:10:57Go, come on.
01:10:58Go, come on.
01:10:59Go, come on.
01:10:59Go, come on.
01:11:00Go, come on.
01:11:00Go, come on.
01:11:01Go, come on.
01:11:24¶¶
01:11:54Happy, Mr. Crook.
01:12:01Ecstatic, Mrs. Crook.
01:12:03I know what you're going to say. You think I'm Hazel Flake.
01:12:18Well, I'm getting sick and tired of people mistaking me for that fake.
01:12:21F activating?
01:12:22woman, how dare you speak of Hazel Flagg as a fake? How dare you slur the memory of one
01:12:27of the most gallant girls that ever lived? Despite you and your kind, the world will
01:12:33never forget Hazel Flagg. That's what I'm afraid of. Don't worry, baby. Two months from
01:12:41now, they won't know who Hazel Flagg was. They'll find another elephant. Darling, you're
01:12:44forgetting that everybody in New York knew me and loved me. Loved me for my courage,
01:12:48my brave smile in the face of... Well, after all, I was a pretty important person.
01:12:52Just a flash in the pan of Manhattan. And they were beginning to get pretty impatient
01:12:57at the way you were dragging this thing out. That's a lie and you know it. Why, right
01:13:00now, millions of people are crying just thinking about me. Why don't you get wiped
01:13:04yourself, Hazel? You were just another freak like the bearded lady, uh, Jojo the
01:13:08dogface. Take that back off! Hazel! Hazel! Yes, Hazel! What is it? Hazel! Hazel!
01:13:22Run for your life! Run for your life! The hotel is flooded! Flooded!
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