Something Remote-Sd

Name: Something Remote-Sd
Uploaded: 2025-11-02T21:51:49+00:00
Duration: 1 h 25 min 8 s
Channel: ReelRealm
Description: Something Remote-Sd

ReelRealm

1 day ago

Something Remote-Sd

Category

🎥

Short film

Transcript

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00:00:00Good afternoon, everyone. I hope you checked your inboxes.

00:00:21Yeah, you better have checked your inboxes.

00:00:22Because we left a memo regarding mandatory overtime by all employees.

00:00:25All employees better be doing overtime.

00:00:27Because the company benefits from every employee who's doing overtime.

00:00:30The company benefits and so will you.

00:00:32And we benefit from every employee who does overtime.

00:00:34Absolutely.

00:00:35I know it's the end of the workday, but I'm sure you'll all be willing to stick around.

00:00:38Stick around. Overtime.

00:00:57All'orizzonte dell'illusione, oltre le falde della disinformazione.

00:01:07Lamenti stolti, vuoti impuniti, mani assortati dalla danza dei banditi.

00:01:13Ai piedi di una memoria ingrata, spegna le storie di una terra liberata.

00:01:20Caduta in mare, nell'incoscienza, spenduta al banco di una pieca indifferenza.

00:01:26E' bene di ogni generazione.

00:01:41E ti contrarivolti alla moderazione.

00:01:44Servi del vento, miti traditi.

00:01:47Spazzati a largo dalla danza dei banditi.

00:01:51Ve le spiegate sopra giorni abbandonati.

00:01:54Salvati a bordo sopra un circo di pirati.

00:01:57Suantichi fastidi, maseri e false miti.

00:02:00Con la invisibile è la danza dei banditi.

00:02:04Con la invisibile è la danza dei banditi.

00:02:10Con la invisibile è la danza dei banditi.

00:02:15Con la invisibile è la danza dei banditi.

00:02:19Si es

00:02:32I'll see you next time.

00:03:02It's the dance of the bandits

00:03:04It's the dance of the bandits

00:03:07It's the dance of the bandits

00:03:12The dance of the bandits

00:03:15The dance of the bandits

00:03:24Guys, wait. I'm tingling.

00:03:27You know you can get a cream for that?

00:03:28No, I mean it's my ex-girlfriend.

00:03:30Look, I'm telling you, cream does wonders for any problem.

00:03:32No, it's not that at all.

00:03:34It's just, I get this sort of tingling sensation

00:03:36whenever my ex-girlfriends are around.

00:03:38It's like a sort of sixth sense.

00:03:40Lisa must be around here somewhere.

00:03:42Lisa?

00:03:43Guys, why are you so mean to her?

00:03:44She was always really nice to me.

00:03:45She probably came to apologize.

00:03:47Look, you just don't understand how girls work, alright?

00:03:49Once you realize that girls are predisposed to extract valuable time, energy,

00:03:52and most importantly, money,

00:03:53you'll understand where me and Neil are coming from.

00:03:55You've never had a girlfriend, Matt.

00:03:57But, but, but, but.

00:03:58Look, with girls, you gotta be ruthless.

00:03:59Well, maybe Neil doesn't want to be ruthless.

00:04:01What?

00:04:02What are you talking about?

00:04:03Of course he does.

00:04:04It's his ex.

00:04:05Look, now just go stand up by the tree.

00:04:06This is man talk.

00:04:07Bye.

00:04:08Go.

00:04:16Yeah.

00:04:17Yeah, ruthless.

00:04:18Can't let Lisa see that I'm still single.

00:04:19Yeah, gotta save face.

00:04:20Hey, hey you!

00:04:21Me?

00:04:22Yeah, yeah you.

00:04:23Wanna make twenty bucks?

00:04:24Sure.

00:04:33What's with him?

00:04:34Oh, he lost his circle privileges.

00:04:35Right.

00:04:37So, about the twenty bucks?

00:04:39Oh great, alright.

00:04:40Twenty bucks to pretend to be this guy's girlfriend.

00:04:42This guy?

00:04:43You gotta be kidding me.

00:04:44Girls gotta have standards.

00:04:46Oh, for crying out loud.

00:04:47What's the big deal?

00:04:48I mean, no one would believe that a girl like me was going out with a guy like you.

00:04:54Just to think that...

00:04:55Alright, alright, forty bucks.

00:04:56Okay.

00:04:57Okay.

00:04:58Neil, give her the forty.

00:05:01Come on, come on.

00:05:02Don't be cheap.

00:05:03Nice lady.

00:05:04Just doing you a good favor here.

00:05:05Alright, you good?

00:05:06You good?

00:05:07Now let's do this.

00:05:08Sorry about all this.

00:05:09Guys, wait for me.

00:05:11Lisa!

00:05:12Neil!

00:05:13How did you get in here?

00:05:14Hi Lisa.

00:05:15Eric, don't break rank.

00:05:16Oh, I'm sorry.

00:05:17I'm sorry.

00:05:18I'm sorry.

00:05:19I'm sorry.

00:05:20I'm sorry.

00:05:21I'm sorry.

00:05:22I'm sorry.

00:05:23I'm sorry.

00:05:24I'm sorry.

00:05:25I'm sorry.

00:05:26I'm sorry.

00:05:27I'm sorry.

00:05:28I'm sorry.

00:05:29I'm sorry.

00:05:30I thought you changed the locks.

00:05:33I thought you changed them.

00:05:34No, guys.

00:05:35I did it.

00:05:36And I did it.

00:05:37Yeah, that's what I thought.

00:05:39Yeah.

00:05:40Yeah?

00:05:41Well, your windows are still made of glass.

00:05:43Our slumlord landlord isn't going to fix that.

00:05:45Yeah, neither are you.

00:05:46Hush, Eric.

00:05:47What are you even doing here?

00:05:48I, uh, came here for my stuff.

00:05:51Like what?

00:05:52Like, uh, my hammer.

00:05:55Hey.

00:05:56That's it.

00:05:57You're done, Lisa.

00:05:58I'm calling the cops.

00:05:59I have my cell phone.

00:06:00What?

00:06:01Fine.

00:06:02Just take it and get out of here, Lisa.

00:06:03Who is this, Neil?

00:06:06This is, uh, my new girlfriend, Abby.

00:06:08That's not my Neil.

00:06:10Abby.

00:06:11Hi.

00:06:12Well, that's cool.

00:06:14Cause I have a new boyfriend.

00:06:16I doubt that, you crazy psycho bitch.

00:06:18Who?

00:06:19Uh, him.

00:06:21Huh?

00:06:22Me?

00:06:23Really?

00:06:24That's my roommate, Lisa.

00:06:25Uh, I really met him.

00:06:27I doubt that, you crazy psycho bitch.

00:06:30That's my other roommate, Lisa.

00:06:31You're all for two here.

00:06:32Uh, I really meant him.

00:06:36Huh.

00:06:38This is my brand new boyfriend.

00:06:42Isn't he?

00:06:43Fucking gross.

00:06:45Rugged.

00:06:46Oh yeah, well if you're her new boyfriend, what's her name?

00:06:48Lisa, don't say a word.

00:06:49Ugh.

00:06:50But, Eric, shut up.

00:06:52Well?

00:06:53Hmm?

00:06:54Uh.

00:06:55Ha!

00:06:56See?

00:06:57I knew it.

00:06:58I was just happy she noticed me.

00:06:59I knew you were on a boyfriend.

00:07:00How much did she pay you to do this?

00:07:01She gave me $40 to stay with her.

00:07:03Paying someone $40 to be their boyfriend?

00:07:05Now that's low.

00:07:07Well that's funny.

00:07:08Cause Abby over here sure doesn't look like your girlfriend.

00:07:12Oh yeah?

00:07:13How do you figure?

00:07:14Well, first of all, a girl has to have some standards.

00:07:18Look at her.

00:07:19And look at you.

00:07:20Like trying to fit a small square peg into a round hole.

00:07:25And B.

00:07:26She doesn't smell like you.

00:07:28You were smelling me?

00:07:30That's it.

00:07:3140 bucks is not worth putting up with you freaks.

00:07:34Ha ha ha ha!

00:07:35Who's winning the limbo contest now?

00:07:39What?

00:07:41Just leave.

00:07:42Get going.

00:07:43Now.

00:07:44I'm not done with you Neil.

00:07:46I'll be back for my stuff later.

00:07:48I doubt that you crazy psycho bitch!

00:07:54What a waste of $40.

00:07:56I don't know.

00:07:57I think she wants you back.

00:07:59Why would you even say something like that?

00:08:01Yeah seriously Eric.

00:08:02Why would you curse that upon him?

00:08:03He's better off now than ever.

00:08:04She doesn't want me back.

00:08:05She just wants to make my life miserable.

00:08:07Come on Neil.

00:08:08That's not so-

00:08:09Hey uh uh.

00:08:10I buy a good first slice.

00:08:11I hope you got meat lovers this time Matt.

00:08:15Yeah you would say that you do-

00:08:21What the hell are you still doing here?

00:08:23She also said I could take whatever I wanted.

00:08:25What?

00:08:26No!

00:08:27Get the hell out!

00:08:28Um.

00:08:29These are ours.

00:08:30Sorry.

00:08:31Um.

00:08:32That too.

00:08:33Thanks.

00:08:34Well uh.

00:08:35Hold it.

00:08:36Hold it.

00:08:37You're good to go.

00:08:41You can never be too sure with hobos.

00:08:43Geez.

00:08:44At least she's been such a bitch since I broke up with her.

00:08:46I thought she broke up with you.

00:08:47Is that what she's been telling people?

00:08:48Forget about her now.

00:08:49Well let's not be too hasty Matt.

00:08:50I mean breakups are a delicate situation.

00:08:51Like those Russian fabric eggs.

00:08:52It's Fabergé.

00:08:53And no.

00:08:54No it's not.

00:08:55He dumped her.

00:08:56Alright.

00:08:57That egg is smashed.

00:08:58Move on.

00:08:59I think you should re-examine the situation.

00:09:00I mean it's been like two days since you guys split.

00:09:02About that yeah.

00:09:03Right.

00:09:04So there's some heated emotions getting in the way of everyone's thinking right now.

00:09:05And you should probably just talk to her.

00:09:06Nah.

00:09:07She just wants to move on.

00:09:08Get her goods and go.

00:09:09I mean.

00:09:10She broke in here.

00:09:11Rash.

00:09:12Yes.

00:09:13But if you look past all the raw emotion you might be able to see what you actually want

00:09:16from all this.

00:09:17Nah.

00:09:18I don't think so.

00:09:19Why did you guys even break up?

00:09:20You two were perfect together.

00:09:21She was.

00:09:22Too loud.

00:09:23Heh.

00:09:24Tell me about it.

00:09:25No.

00:09:26I mean.

00:09:27In bed.

00:09:28What?

00:09:29I wanted to liven things up so I told her to be louder.

00:09:31Get into it.

00:09:32No.

00:09:33No.

00:09:34No.

00:09:35No.

00:09:36No.

00:09:37No.

00:09:38No.

00:09:39No.

00:09:40No.

00:09:41No.

00:09:42No.

00:09:43No.

00:09:44No.

00:09:45No.

00:09:46No.

00:09:47No.

00:09:48No.

00:09:49No.

00:09:50No.

00:09:51No.

00:09:52No.

00:09:53No.

00:09:54No.

00:09:55No.

00:09:56No.

00:09:57No.

00:09:58No.

00:09:59No.

00:10:00That's why I used to crack your music.

00:10:01Funny I like those tunes.

00:10:02I'll never listen to rock you like a hurricane the same way again.

00:10:05No.

00:10:06No.

00:10:07No.

00:10:08And she said it was only getting better for her the louder and angrier she got.

00:10:09No.

00:10:10No.

00:10:11No.

00:10:12No one ran into that.

00:10:13No.

00:10:14No.

00:10:15No.

00:10:16No.

00:10:17I mean, I hadn't been spending that much time with you guys while I was with Lisa.

00:10:20Nothing like pizza and TV, right?

00:10:22Yeah, two pizza pies coming right up.

00:10:24Wait, you got pie?

00:10:25No, you douchefag.

00:10:26It's not actually pie.

00:10:27I'm just calling it pizza pie like the gangsters of old New York used to do.

00:10:31I've never heard of that before.

00:10:33Yeah, me neither.

00:10:34Does anyone still call it that?

00:10:36Does it matter?

00:10:37It's cool.

00:10:38Unique.

00:10:39Uncommon.

00:10:40And with good reason.

00:10:41No way.

00:10:42Look, a grinder is a hoagie is a footlong.

00:10:43They're all tasty sandwiches.

00:10:45I'm just saying, pizza pie?

00:10:47It doesn't sound that appetizing.

00:10:49Excuse me, I like a pizza with some whipped cream and cheese on it.

00:10:53Ooh, and some sprinkles.

00:10:54Yum yum.

00:10:55Yeah, it's like cheesecake.

00:10:56It just doesn't sound like you'd ever want to eat it.

00:10:58What do you have against cheesecake?

00:11:00Yeah.

00:11:01Listen to it.

00:11:02Cheese.

00:11:03Cake.

00:11:04Sounds like someone took some fresh Gouda and threw it on some crust.

00:11:07I mean, I like cheese and all, but a big hunkin' slab of thick gooey just never really tempted me.

00:11:13You do know it's not actually cheese.

00:11:15Well, I know that now, but when I was little, the name was all I had to go on.

00:11:19No, he's right.

00:11:20Bullshit.

00:11:21I'm just saying, a whole cake full of cheese?

00:11:24It sounds a little...

00:11:26Ugh.

00:11:27What the hell is that?

00:11:29I can't really describe it.

00:11:31You still haven't.

00:11:32I boiled it down to an action.

00:11:34What the hell is that?

00:11:35That doesn't say shit to me.

00:11:37Yeah, it does.

00:11:38It's like, uh, too sweet.

00:11:40What?

00:11:41No.

00:11:42Not at all.

00:11:43Yeah, no.

00:11:44It's like when you wipe your brow cause it's hot.

00:11:45Or you keel over cause you're sick.

00:11:46Going like...

00:11:48Saying it's too sweet or something.

00:11:50Eric, that's ridiculous.

00:11:51Well, that's what I did.

00:11:53Dude, no wonder Lisa broke up with you.

00:11:55You can't even communicate your own fucking thoughts.

00:11:57Hey, that was a low blow.

00:11:59I broke up with her, remember?

00:12:00She's the crazy one.

00:12:01And don't you forget it.

00:12:02I just had to refocus your anger onto her.

00:12:04We're all friends here.

00:12:05Let's get to that TV.

00:12:18So where the hell is Hadley?

00:12:20We can't watch TV without him.

00:12:22Did we lose it?

00:12:23Get his whistle.

00:12:29Got it.

00:12:31Come on.

00:12:35I hear him.

00:12:39Again.

00:12:47Found him.

00:12:48Oh, Howie, thank God.

00:12:50How could we ever lose you?

00:12:52Good thing we attached this locator to him just in case.

00:12:54Oh, put this back, Eric.

00:12:58No, Eric, in its holder.

00:13:00If we lose that whistle and then Howie again, we're screwed.

00:13:03Okay.

00:13:04Okay.

00:13:05Yeah, we'll be back to where we were before, Lisa.

00:13:08Remote-less.

00:13:09And thus TV-less.

00:13:10Remember when we broke a remote and got stuck on the Spanish-owned shopping network?

00:13:14Ah, si, si.

00:13:15Go for a Spanish-o-la, all day, daily.

00:13:18We've got a lot to do with the main info on your TV today.

00:13:21Are you the host to watch TV?

00:13:22Let's see.

00:13:23Let's see, baby!

00:13:24I love you, Howie.

00:13:25Look how cute he is.

00:13:26He's so much better than that dog we wanted.

00:13:28I know.

00:13:29I stole him when I broke up with Lisa.

00:13:31She got him when we were still together.

00:13:33Said she needed something size wise in her life.

00:13:35Well, fuck her! I stole a remote!

00:13:41Right.

00:13:43Well, anyway, like we said, good thing.

00:13:45It's been a good addition to our family.

00:13:47Jeez, girls are complicated.

00:13:49Yeah, but TV isn't.

00:13:53Or maybe it is.

00:13:55Damn it.

00:13:57No, no, I'll fix it.

00:13:59Yeah, from the sound of it, girls never seem to say what they're thinking.

00:14:04It's like you need some sort of decoder ring to figure it out.

00:14:06Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, oh, oh, you got it.

00:14:10What were you saying, Eric? I was just saying it.

00:14:12You seem like a good kid.

00:14:14I think you'll fit in just fine at the National Security Agency.

00:14:18Anyway?

00:14:20Here's your first code to break.

00:14:24Did a girl write this? It looks like a break-up note.

00:14:28What?

00:14:30Yeah, it looks like she's trying to break up.

00:14:32Impossible.

00:14:34You've had a super computer working on that one for four months.

00:14:36I just read it.

00:14:38No, no, you did much more than that.

00:14:40You're good.

00:14:42Here.

00:14:44Try this one.

00:14:46Looks like she's avoiding sex tonight.

00:14:48It's a common avoidance maneuver.

00:14:50How could we be so blind?

00:14:52Quickly, come with me.

00:14:54Director.

00:14:55What is the meaning of this?

00:14:56The new guy.

00:14:57He's a crypto-analysis prodigy.

00:14:58He can crack anything.

00:15:00Well, is that so?

00:15:02Let's see if he can crack this.

00:15:04It's a trick.

00:15:06It has to be.

00:15:07What do you mean?

00:15:08A yes or no answer will lead to disaster.

00:15:10This is a question not meant to be a disaster.

00:15:12It's a question not meant to be a disaster.

00:15:14It's a trick.

00:15:15It has to be.

00:15:16What do you mean?

00:15:18It's a trick.

00:15:19It has to be.

00:15:20What do you mean?

00:15:21A yes or no answer will lead to disaster.

00:15:23This is a question not meant to be answered.

00:15:24Where did you get this?

00:15:25My wife.

00:15:26Well, that was...

00:15:27Weird.

00:15:28Yeah, it was almost like...

00:15:29The television...

00:15:30Is watching.

00:15:31You!

00:15:32Okay.

00:15:33After that, I need something to drink.

00:15:35I'll have an MD.

00:15:36What?

00:15:37Oh, come on Eric.

00:15:38You lost to the nose game.

00:15:39You're the last person to touch their nose after a request, so you gotta take the walk

00:15:42of shame.

00:15:43What?

00:15:44That's a stupid game.

00:15:45Who came up with that?

00:15:46It's been passed down from generation to generation.

00:15:47It's creation lost to the sands of time.

00:15:48It's not a bad thing.

00:15:49It's a bad thing.

00:15:50And that's a bad thing.

00:15:51It's a bad thing.

00:15:52It's a bad thing.

00:15:53I'm not a bad thing.

00:15:54I'm not a bad thing.

00:15:55You're not a bad thing.

00:15:56I'm not a bad thing.

00:15:57I'm a bad thing.

00:15:58I'm not a bad thing.

00:15:59I'm not a bad thing.

00:16:00I'm a bad thing.

00:16:01I'm a bad thing.

00:16:02You're the last person, generation to generation, and creation lost to the sands of time.

00:16:05I think it started with Jesus and his apostles.

00:16:06You know who was who he ended there.

00:16:07It's an invaluable tool for lazy people with quick hands everywhere.

00:16:11Yeah, you know Matt's got the quickest hands around.

00:16:13All those years of solitary practice.

00:16:15Yep, and now you're taking a walk.

00:16:17But I don't-

00:16:18No, sorry Eric.

00:16:19It's the rules.

00:16:20I just gotta know.

00:16:21Why the nos?

00:16:23Well I think if you stuck your finger up your ass it would cause a few problems after

00:16:27multiple attempts.

00:16:28Yeah, some rough attempts for a twisted tootsie roll.

00:16:30What?

00:16:31Wicked.

00:16:32It is strange. I guess I can understand it, though. Your hand isn't normally near your face, so you've got to be quick if you want to avoid being the last one.

00:16:40Yeah, totally. Hey, don't think I'm going to forget. I'll have an MD.

00:16:44Ugh, fine.

00:16:50Yeah, there's been a lot of weird, stupid things that have been invented over time. Like this thing.

00:16:55Seriously, who thinks of this shit?

00:16:57Someone missing a finger, I guess.

00:16:58Yeah, but how does everyone even know about that? I mean, before the internet, people were, like, dumb.

00:17:04I don't know. I guess people maybe did it at family gatherings in order to entertain each other, and then they passed it on or something.

00:17:10Maybe they read it in the newspaper.

00:17:12Yeah, but still, how did that first person figure that out?

00:17:16Luck?

00:17:16I'm not so sure. I think one guy was just puffing on some wacky weed, shoved his thumb between his fingers, and figured out pulling his finger off.

00:17:23I mean, people like that are really into weird, trippy shit like this.

00:17:26Yeah, tell me about it. I used to have this one friend who smoked a lot of dope, and one day when he was at his usual Chinese buffet, he thought he could understand what the workers were saying.

00:17:33Called me up and said, I can learn Chinese by smoking weed.

00:17:35What?

00:17:36Turns out the workers were trying to learn Spanish, and my friend was a fluent Spanish translator.

00:17:40Huh, people these days.

00:17:42Well, whoever figured that out was probably related to this guy.

00:17:45Yeah, that one's a classic.

00:17:47Wherever it came from.

00:17:49At least I never knew about that one.

00:17:51Oh god, not her again.

00:17:52Look, just let that slut go.

00:17:54Sorry, man. I've just been thinking about her.

00:17:56She's been acting really weird lately.

00:17:58I mean, I guess I can understand her breaking and entering, but bringing that smelly hobo in here?

00:18:03Dude, just let it go.

00:18:04Alright?

00:18:05And once you realize you're better off living the life of a bachelor, you'll be living the high life like me.

00:18:09You'll be getting drinks served to you, watch all sorts of great TV.

00:18:13You'll be one with...

00:18:14I was gonna say universe.

00:18:15I was gonna say couch.

00:18:16Yeah, I guess you're right.

00:18:19I mean, what do you think about her bringing that hobo in here?

00:18:21I mean, he could have let some germs behind or something.

00:18:23Don't you think it's a little weird that she tried to make it seem like he was her boyfriend?

00:18:27I don't know.

00:18:28I thought it was weirder that we missed him.

00:18:29The second time.

00:18:31Eric, where's that drink?

00:18:33Can't have pizza pie without a cold MD.

00:18:35Yeah, it's coming.

00:18:40You gonna answer that?

00:18:43Nope.

00:18:43What if it's important?

00:18:44Well, if it's important, they'll call back.

00:18:46You're not even gonna screen it.

00:18:48And waste the time?

00:18:49I know I'm not gonna answer it.

00:18:52See?

00:18:53Problem solved.

00:18:58No way, dude.

00:18:59There's only two of us here.

00:18:59You can't do that.

00:19:00Besides, you're closer.

00:19:01Can't deny that.

00:19:06Jeez, remind me never to call you if I ever go to the prison.

00:19:10Hello?

00:19:11Oh, hey, Scott.

00:19:13Yeah, we're all here.

00:19:13No, Lisa's on the prowl.

00:19:17I don't know.

00:19:18I don't know.

00:19:20I don't know.

00:19:22I don't care.

00:19:23Yeah, okay.

00:19:24See ya.

00:19:27What do you want?

00:19:28He's on his way over.

00:19:30What for?

00:19:30I don't know.

00:19:31Does he want to watch TV?

00:19:33I don't know.

00:19:34Well, when's he gonna be here?

00:19:35I don't know.

00:19:36What if Lisa sees him?

00:19:37I don't care.

00:19:38Jeez, what do you know?

00:19:40I'm fucking thirsty and someone owes me a drink.

00:19:42Eric!

00:19:42Yeah, it's coming.

00:19:44But I found something, though.

00:19:45Some sort of doll.

00:19:47You mean one of your action figures?

00:19:49Hey, those are collectible.

00:19:50And no, this is definitely a doll.

00:19:52It looks like some kind of voodoo doll.

00:19:53Oh, jeez, look at this thing.

00:19:59Lisa must have left it here.

00:20:01Looks kind of like Neil.

00:20:03Why would you even start something like that?

00:20:05Yeah, it does look like him.

00:20:06You too, Eric?

00:20:07Not really.

00:20:08It looks just like you.

00:20:09It's pretty beat up, too.

00:20:10What?

00:20:11It looks like the arms have been stabbed.

00:20:13Oh, my God.

00:20:14And it looks like the head's been reattached.

00:20:17It can't be.

00:20:18Right here where the heart used to be is now a twizzler.

00:20:20Well, that's not that bad.

00:20:21It's black licorice.

00:20:22She is psychotic.

00:20:24I wonder if it works.

00:20:28Oh, my God.

00:20:29It's working.

00:20:30It's kind of making him kiss his own ass.

00:20:32No, you schmucks.

00:20:33I was just messing with you.

00:20:34Do you think that thing actually works?

00:20:36Well, it might have.

00:20:37I mean, remember that one day we had to reattach your decapitated head?

00:20:40It's just like this voodoo doll.

00:20:42You can't be serious.

00:20:44Oh, wait.

00:20:45That was a dream I had.

00:20:47You dream about me?

00:20:49It's okay, Matt.

00:20:50I dream about you guys, too.

00:20:51I don't dream about you guys.

00:20:54Wait, what do you dream about?

00:20:55Just, you know, the three of us living together.

00:20:58Forever.

00:20:58I love it here.

00:21:00That's fucking creepy, dude.

00:21:01Well, you dream about Neil's head being cut off.

00:21:03I don't dream about any of you.

00:21:06There, there.

00:21:07We weren't fighting.

00:21:08There, there, Howie.

00:21:09We're upsetting him.

00:21:11I think he'll be okay.

00:21:12He knows we're friends.

00:21:14It's not a real person, Eric.

00:21:15I'm just making a point that Lisa's a crazy psycho bitch with voodoo Neil dolls.

00:21:18What, by talking to the remote?

00:21:20By luring him back to the couch with the seductive calls of Howie.

00:21:23It's TV that'll never do you wrong.

00:21:25I'm sure she's just vending or something.

00:21:26You know, getting her anger out in non-harmful ways.

00:21:29I'm sure she's hurt that you guys broke up.

00:21:32She might even be trying to patch things up.

00:21:34Patch things up?

00:21:35What, like my head back to my torso?

00:21:37Eric, Lisa clearly wants this guy dead.

00:21:39I don't know about that.

00:21:40Anger is her form of communication.

00:21:43Unconventional?

00:21:44Yeah, but it's been consistent since the breakup.

00:21:48What I see is that she's planning something bigger.

00:21:50I keep thinking she can't handle this breakup the way I can.

00:21:54I think I need to do something about this.

00:21:56See, there's a problem right there.

00:21:57You're thinking about things.

00:21:59We all know the cure for thinking, don't we, boys?

00:22:01TV.

00:22:04It happens here every Friday night.

00:22:05Yeah.

00:22:06Ted over here is going to help us out with this operation.

00:22:09You ready, Ted?

00:22:10Yeah.

00:22:11Let's do this.

00:22:12Come on.

00:22:13All right.

00:22:14They think it's some kind of game.

00:22:17Sick.

00:22:21Hey, guys.

00:22:22Ted, what are you doing here?

00:22:24Ted, your character died.

00:22:27Flagroth, the wizard mage, died in the last dragon.

00:22:29Go, go, go.

00:22:30Everyone freeze.

00:22:31Everybody freeze.

00:22:32What?

00:22:33What's going on?

00:22:34What's this?

00:22:34What?

00:22:35What?

00:22:35Nothing.

00:22:36I don't have anything.

00:22:37What do you want?

00:22:38Give me that.

00:22:38What?

00:22:39Give me that.

00:22:40Dice.

00:22:41That's a felony, man.

00:22:42Oh, my God.

00:22:43It's a felony.

00:22:44No.

00:22:45I, you know, I, you can't have them.

00:22:47I need them.

00:22:49Okay.

00:22:49Come in downtown with them, man.

00:22:51Come in downtown.

00:22:52You're going to be sick.

00:22:53Oh, my God.

00:22:54Oh, my God.

00:22:55My mom's going to kill me.

00:23:00Well, that was interesting.

00:23:02Lee bad.

00:23:03Man, TV's been sucking recently.

00:23:06It seems like our society is degenerating into a populace that's only interested in lower

00:23:09and lower forms of entertainment.

00:23:11That's perpetuating the de-evolution of our culture.

00:23:16Oh, that was really sophisticated, though, dude.

00:23:18Yeah, right on the back of a cereal box.

00:23:20Wow, what kind of cereal do you eat?

00:23:23Philosophicos.

00:23:23Wow.

00:23:25I was kidding, you douchebag.

00:23:28I have to disagree with you, Matt.

00:23:29I'm sure he's a douchebag.

00:23:31I think he meant about the TV sucking, Matt.

00:23:33Here.

00:23:34Let me show you the TV's not completely down the tubes.

00:23:36Careful with them.

00:23:37Soft hands.

00:23:38There's got to be some quality stuff on here to watch.

00:23:40I wouldn't doubt it.

00:23:41TV's got all sorts of hidden gems.

00:23:43You probably won't find much, though.

00:23:44Most of it's pretty crappy.

00:23:45I don't know, Matt.

00:23:46We've had some great times in here together.

00:23:48Do us proud, Neil.

00:23:49Good luck.

00:23:51Balls, balls, balls.

00:23:53We've got all sorts of balls.

00:23:54Big balls, little balls, yellow balls, frisbee balls, black balls, blue balls, ugly balls,

00:23:58blue balls, salty balls.

00:23:59Then I mentioned blue balls.

00:24:00Everyone loves balls.

00:24:02Have we got a deal for you.

00:24:03Buy a ball, get a ball.

00:24:04Come in for a pair today at Big Al's Big Balls Emporium.

00:24:10QED.

00:24:11Wow.

00:24:13Betrayed by our own TV.

00:24:15How could this be?

00:24:15Oh, it's pretty simple.

00:24:17People are subjected to many forms of entertainment, and all the new forms have to push the risque

00:24:20limits in order to garner the most attention.

00:24:23It's a recipe for disaster.

00:24:25No, I mean about you being right.

00:24:27You're almost never right, especially about how your precious TV is losing its luster.

00:24:30Well, you tend to look past it and enjoy it for what it is.

00:24:33I don't know, guys.

00:24:33There's still some good stuff out there.

00:24:35Like this hit new superhero show my internet blogging sites keep talking about.

00:24:38This better not be another one of your stupid Asian cartoons.

00:24:42Jeez, Matt, it's called anime.

00:24:44And no, this isn't.

00:24:45Good, because I don't think I could take another five minutes of anime lines, overexpressions,

00:24:49and senseless emphasis.

00:24:51What?

00:24:52Oh, come on.

00:24:52Every anime is...

00:24:53Hello!

00:24:54How are you doing?

00:24:55Well, it's none of that.

00:24:56Yeah, we'll see.

00:24:57Heads up.

00:24:59Nice catch.

00:25:00Wouldn't want to hurt your precious baby.

00:25:02Hey.

00:25:04That's all of our babies.

00:25:05Okay, so...

00:25:07For Christ's sake.

00:25:17Hello?

00:25:19Hi.

00:25:20Yep.

00:25:22Mm-hmm.

00:25:24Right here.

00:25:27It's Lisa.

00:25:28Lisa!

00:25:29Yes, Neil.

00:25:31You still have more of my stuff.

00:25:34Don't play koi, Neil.

00:25:35I know you're there.

00:25:40It was the wrong number.

00:25:42It was Lisa.

00:25:45Is she seriously going to do this?

00:25:46How about that show, Eric?

00:25:48No way!

00:25:48I refuse to have my entertainment sphere be penetrated by this psycho.

00:25:51Either you settle this, or I will.

00:25:54Maybe it's not even her.

00:25:57See?

00:25:59Oh, that is it.

00:26:01Lisa!

00:26:02You're being permanently disconnected.

00:26:05Oh, man.

00:26:06I always wanted to have a bitch in one-liner like that.

00:26:08Oh, that settles that.

00:26:10That was extreme.

00:26:12Hey, she had it coming.

00:26:14Why do you always have to be the Bieber in Neil's Dam, Matt?

00:26:17You've been causing a lot of problems lately.

00:26:20What do you come up with this stuff, Eric?

00:26:22That was actually pretty...

00:26:23He never answers the first one.

00:26:28Just waiting it out.

00:26:31There.

00:26:34This is something else.

00:26:36I swear to God.

00:26:38Neil?

00:26:39What?

00:26:40No, wait.

00:26:41Lisa has my phone.

00:26:43Good call.

00:26:44I'm proud of you.

00:26:45Just turned it off.

00:26:47I hate when my dome is assaulted.

00:26:49This is why girls are the root of all evil.

00:26:51Let's just get to that show.

00:26:52Maybe you should just talk to her.

00:26:54She has been very forward.

00:26:56Eric!

00:26:57Yeah, okay.

00:26:58This is the college crew.

00:27:02Frat man with a stomach of infinite capacity.

00:27:07Blaine with a power of social invisibility.

00:27:10Has a car lad.

00:27:15Who has a car?

00:27:16And a maizo with the power of telekinesis.

00:27:21Wow, what an awful show.

00:27:30Yeah.

00:27:31Why aren't any good superheroes made anymore?

00:27:33Because it can't be the classic superheroes.

00:27:35Like Batman.

00:27:36Please, are you kidding me?

00:27:37Batman?

00:27:38Come on, he wasn't that bad.

00:27:39I don't give any shit about Batman.

00:27:40Ooh, he's not a real superhero.

00:27:41He's got a lot of money.

00:27:43Ooh, he keeps a small boy in a cave.

00:27:44Ooh.

00:27:45Well, that's true.

00:27:46He did keep a small boy in a cave.

00:27:48But he was a dark hero, bound to service by the events of his childhood.

00:27:51That's not even the fucking problem.

00:27:53And he's basically Sherlock Holmes without the cool accent.

00:27:55I'm gonna fight crime by being a detective.

00:27:57Yeah, that's cool.

00:27:58Oh, please.

00:27:59Who's your superhero?

00:28:00Spider-Man.

00:28:01The semen slinger?

00:28:02Spider-Man's kind of cool.

00:28:04I guess.

00:28:04At least he actually has superpowers.

00:28:07I mean, Peter Parker's original conception was to make science cool and relate to other teenagers.

00:28:10He was a high school student and he dealt with everyday problems.

00:28:13I could totally see that happening.

00:28:15Now, originally Peter Parker was a jock with brains.

00:28:18Totally not happening.

00:28:20At least Batman's a hero that you could go around saying,

00:28:22with a little hard work and studying, I could be him someday.

00:28:25You wouldn't spend the rest of your life looking for a radioactive beetle.

00:28:28Radioactive beetle.

00:28:29Batman couldn't even keep his villains under control.

00:28:31It's a nice job security, if you ask me.

00:28:33What?

00:28:34Look, a corporate entity such as Wayne Enterprises must have had a hand in sales,

00:28:37such as security devices to shipping and construction,

00:28:39making sure his villains weren't truly locked away forever,

00:28:42Batman had a pretty good guarantee that Gotham would be facing some tough times ahead.

00:28:45He'd be making profit repairing all the destruction caused by his publicly hated thorns,

00:28:49meanwhile ensuring a positive life for Batman and a financial foothold for Wayne Enterprises.

00:28:53So you're saying Batman actually expects his villains to escape?

00:28:56Totally.

00:28:57If he's so technologically advanced, how come each of his villains has escaped like a hundred times?

00:29:00Well, they have to keep the cast of characters relatively contained.

00:29:03People love seeing some of their favorite villains.

00:29:05Sure, and Bruce Wayne profits from it all.

00:29:07I mean, if you're here as the almighty dollar, then B-Money's your man.

00:29:10Well, what about Superman, guys?

00:29:12I mean, he's always been my hero.

00:29:13Okay, talk about the lame.

00:29:15Yeah, totally, come on.

00:29:16Man of Steel, truth, justice, and the American way.

00:29:19Yeah, the only real American way is Captain America.

00:29:21It's in his fucking title.

00:29:22Yeah, Superman's way too damn powerful to be a good hero.

00:29:25Plus, we should do what we do with all illegal aliens and throw them out of the country.

00:29:29Superman's character is all about the social struggles of being different.

00:29:32Yeah, but he looks great to the fly and his jack beyond belief.

00:29:34Oh, yeah.

00:29:35That's totally a social outcast.

00:29:37And yet, everything is such a huge struggle for his super strength, too.

00:29:40Like, he can stop a meteor from falling at 500 miles an hour, but he has trouble lifting a fucking car.

00:29:45I mean, it's like super strength is the ability to be jaw-strong enough for a given task.

00:29:49What a crock of shit.

00:29:50Yeah, totally.

00:29:51I kind of like your show, Eric.

00:29:52College kids don't really act like that.

00:29:54Yeah, though, I could use an MD.

00:30:00I'll drive.

00:30:02Woo!

00:30:03Team to myself.

00:30:05Eric, hold the fort.

00:30:06And if Lisa comes around again, call the cops.

00:30:08Jeez, dude, why are you going to keep bringing her own?

00:30:10You can never be too careful.

00:30:12No one hangs up on me!

00:30:14Ah!

00:30:15She's still here!

00:30:17Shit, dude.

00:30:18What do we do?

00:30:19What do we do?

00:30:20Why didn't you feel her with your sense?

00:30:22I don't know.

00:30:22Come on, Eric.

00:30:23I can't go out there now.

00:30:25I'm not with her watching and waiting.

00:30:27Lisa, what do you want?

00:30:28Do you want me to say it in front of everyone?

00:30:30You know what I want!

00:30:34No, I don't.

00:30:35That's why I asked you.

00:30:37No, don't.

00:30:37Shh!

00:30:38Get out of here.

00:30:39I, uh, I think she saw you guys.

00:30:42Neil, just open the door!

00:30:44Don't drop!

00:30:45I'm all right, Neil.

00:30:47I'm all right.

00:30:48Open the door.

00:30:50I'm all right, Neil.

00:30:51Open the door.

00:30:52I just want to talk.

00:30:53I'm all right.

00:30:55Open the door.

00:30:56I'm all right.

00:30:58Neil, open the door.

00:30:59I just want to talk.

00:31:00I'm all right.

00:31:02Come on, please.

00:31:04Neil?

00:31:05No, no way, man.

00:31:06I've seen this shit before.

00:31:06Don't do it.

00:31:07Neil, just open the door.

00:31:09I just want to talk.

00:31:10I'm all right.

00:31:11What if she's serious?

00:31:11What if she just wants to talk?

00:31:12No way, man.

00:31:13It's just a lure.

00:31:14I hope praying animals have one.

00:31:15She's just trying to lull you into a false sense of security.

00:31:17Then she's going to put a fucking axe in your head.

00:31:19Come on, man.

00:31:19You don't need this.

00:31:20Let's go.

00:31:29Neil!

00:31:30Don't make an army!

00:31:31I think I should go talk to her.

00:31:32No, no, no.

00:31:33Shh.

00:31:33You don't need her, all right?

00:31:34Shh.

00:31:35I don't think you should listen to him, Neil.

00:31:37Yeah?

00:31:37Listen to this.

00:31:38Hey there, I'm Steve, and this is Travels with Steve.

00:31:53On today's adventure, we're going to tell you all about beautiful Worcester, Mass.

00:31:57Get out of here.

00:31:59She's like a zombie or something, hanging around our door.

00:32:06No way.

00:32:07A zombie would be smarter.

00:32:08Better looking, too.

00:32:09Guys, zombies don't exist.

00:32:11Oh, yeah?

00:32:12That's what the government wants you to think.

00:32:14Impossible.

00:32:15You know, Ignatius is a zombie's greatest ally.

00:32:17Knowledge, their worst enemy.

00:32:18So you're trying to tell us that the Walking Dead are real?

00:32:21Why wouldn't they be?

00:32:22I mean, think about it.

00:32:23There's hundreds of thousands of undiscovered plant and animal life out there in the world.

00:32:26What's to say the Walking Dead isn't one of them?

00:32:28Science.

00:32:29An organism that survives without the need for oxygen?

00:32:31Evolution at its finest.

00:32:33Animating a dead body?

00:32:34No, shutting down a currently functioning one by attacking the central part of the brain.

00:32:38Restarting it as a shell of its former self, using electrical impulses already hardwired

00:32:41in all of us.

00:32:42The craving for human flesh?

00:32:43No, a myth.

00:32:44A source of energy isn't needed by the virus.

00:32:46Though the hunt for living flesh is an unfortunate byproduct of it.

00:32:50No way, zombies aren't threatening.

00:32:51I can power walk faster than them.

00:32:52Oh, yeah?

00:32:53A zombie's power, unlike the mythical vampire or otherwise, is in its numbers, not the individual.

00:32:58Their tirelessness and their sheer volume is what makes them so terrifying.

00:33:01If you were confronted with one Z, well, I'd hope you'd win, but now consider this entire

00:33:05block, or even this whole city, infested.

00:33:08What would you do?

00:33:09Where would you go?

00:33:10I'd, um...

00:33:11I'd go home.

00:33:13I live in the country.

00:33:14Okay.

00:33:15Now consider the psychological threat.

00:33:17What if your father, your mother, or even your best friend became infected?

00:33:21How would you kill that?

00:33:22The constant beating, banging, barraging on the door.

00:33:28Disturbing you while you eat, sleep, or watch TV.

00:33:31Stop it!

00:33:32You're scaring me!

00:33:33There, there, Eric.

00:33:35Just trying to save you now while I can.

00:33:37I'll take your mind off it.

00:33:38The most terrifying thing is happening in your bed.

00:33:56In the shower.

00:33:58No matter where you run, you're going to be...

00:34:02You're not that scared for a chick.

00:34:11Summer 2012!

00:34:14Tall one's cough and bottom one's wing and the rest of marbles and the night turtles and marbles.

00:34:19The giant crabs are everywhere!

00:34:21Everyone, run for your lives!

00:34:22Run!

00:34:26Maybe that slut Lisa is infected or something.

00:34:28Is the one that cream I mentioned?

00:34:30Hey, that's not nice.

00:34:31Hey, I'm just saying.

00:34:32Maybe she's some sort of demon zombie who craves pissing off her ex-boyfriend and his TV-watching friends!

00:34:37No.

00:34:37I mean calling her a...

00:34:39a slut.

00:34:41I don't think that's really nice of you.

00:34:42Sorry, dude, but it comes with the territory.

00:34:44I mean, she was the one who decided to go all uber-bitch.

00:34:46She can take her title with her.

00:34:48Neil, I'm sure you don't think calling her a...

00:34:51is right, an ex-girlfriend or not.

00:34:53I don't know.

00:34:54I think she slept with about 12 guys.

00:34:55I think.

00:34:57I never really asked her that.

00:34:58I guess that's kind of slutty if you care about that sort of thing.

00:35:01Yeah, see?

00:35:01Total slut.

00:35:02It's not like she, I don't know, sucked 37 dicks or anything.

00:35:05Whoa, whoa, whoa.

00:35:05That's completely different.

00:35:07Come on, guys.

00:35:08I mean, this isn't right.

00:35:09What do you mean?

00:35:10You're saying that sucking 37 dicks isn't a slutty to sleeping with 12 guys?

00:35:13Totally not.

00:35:14No way.

00:35:15No way.

00:35:16Eric, 37 dicks or 12 guys.

00:35:18Which is sluttier?

00:35:19I don't feel comfortable talking about this, guys.

00:35:21Come on, douchefag.

00:35:22May not be able to answer the question.

00:35:23Well, I mean, sexual intercourse is something special shared between two lovers, and it

00:35:29shouldn't be entered in too lightly.

00:35:31I think if a girl is just throwing herself around like that, well then, she's not a very

00:35:35good-willed girl.

00:35:37I can see what you mean.

00:35:39It's just, 37 dicks is a lot of dick.

00:35:43I don't think the term slut should be thrown around like a nickname.

00:35:46You think slut, you think sex.

00:35:4712 guys, total slut.

00:35:49This is like what, 21, 22?

00:35:5123!

00:35:52Right, 23.

00:35:53So let's say she gets her first lane when she's 18.

00:35:55That's like three guys per year.

00:35:56Total slut.

00:35:57Well, by that method, let's say she was a teeny bopper and started experimenting when

00:36:00she was 15.

00:36:01With 37 dicks, that's 5 d per y.

00:36:04Deeper y?

00:36:04Yeah, d per y, dicks per year.

00:36:06Oh.

00:36:07That's not even considering her relationship spans.

00:36:09Even if she wasn't sucking other dick during relationships, an average relationship span

00:36:13of, say, six months, the frequency of dicks has to go up when she's single in order

00:36:18to maintain that 5 d per y.

00:36:21Oh.

00:36:22I feel awful when I think of it like that.

00:36:25At least I never did anything like that, though.

00:36:26I was just saying that to prove my point.

00:36:28That was a mouthful.

00:36:31You guys are awful saying things like that.

00:36:34Man, that is a lot of dick.

00:36:35I'm gonna have to rethink this one.

00:36:37Man.

00:36:39I could use a drink.

00:36:41Yeah, me too.

00:36:44What are you doing?

00:36:45Not getting my drink.

00:36:47Yeah, but you started with your hand on your nose.

00:36:48That's the game.

00:36:50No, that's total disqualification.

00:36:52You can't start with your finger on your nose.

00:36:53What?

00:36:54Why?

00:36:55Because then you could just never have to get your own stuff.

00:36:57You get an advantage of being the asker, but that's it.

00:36:59Sorry, dude.

00:37:01I'll have an MD.

00:37:02What?

00:37:03Punishment for your crime against humanity.

00:37:05Humanity?

00:37:06Gonna make an example out of this one.

00:37:07Sorry, Eric.

00:37:08You know, Matt, it seems like I'm always getting you a drink.

00:37:11But someday, somebody else is gonna get mine.

00:37:15Gotta pick your battles, man.

00:37:27Hey!

00:37:28Ain't nothing.

00:37:29No, really.

00:37:30I think Lisa's gone.

00:37:31Again?

00:37:32Maybe it's for good this time.

00:37:35She can't really be gone.

00:37:36Why don't you go check?

00:37:38I can't.

00:37:39Why not?

00:37:40She might do something dumb when you saw the voodoo doll.

00:37:43Maybe you're overthinking the situation.

00:37:45Your fear seems out of place.

00:37:46I don't want to get my head cut off.

00:37:48Look, Neil.

00:37:49You want her gone, but you're concerned that she is.

00:37:52Why don't you reassess the situation and then talk to her?

00:37:55Neil, don't listen to this douchebag.

00:37:56Alright, we've had so much fun today, just kicking back and watching TV.

00:37:59It's like I said, girls are high maintenance and dangerous no matter who they are.

00:38:02It's for the better.

00:38:03Yeah, but...

00:38:03Yeah, but you can work, come home, and watch TV.

00:38:05We can make fun of Eric together.

00:38:07It's worked for me, and life is great.

00:38:09Yeah, but don't you want more?

00:38:10Hell no.

00:38:11I know to go and get more just leads you down a troublesome trail.

00:38:13I'd rather stick with what works.

00:38:15Look, you tried to trek down the love life path, and now you're shitting bricks because of it.

00:38:18So you know what?

00:38:19Come back to the couch.

00:38:20Your seat's getting cold.

00:38:22Neil, just check.

00:38:23Lisa's been at this for some time now.

00:38:25Give her a chance.

00:38:26Trust me, there might still be some electricity left in this one.

00:38:28I think I'm going to listen to Eric on this one, Matt, all right?

00:38:33It'll only be a minute.

00:38:35I'm telling you, dude, security surrounds this couch.

00:38:37I know it for certain.

00:38:39See you in a bit.

00:38:42Oh, we're here.

00:38:42Lisa!

00:38:58What the hell are you doing?

00:39:15You weren't going to cut that cord, were you?

00:39:16Am I not?

00:39:17Do you want to shock yourself to death?

00:39:19At this point, I'd let you if it wasn't powering our TV.

00:39:21Oh, of course.

00:39:22Your precious TV.

00:39:24Jeez, Neil, you've really taken a turn for the worse without me.

00:39:27What the hell is wrong with you?

00:39:28You've still got some of my stuff.

00:39:30I was getting to that.

00:39:32You'll get it.

00:39:32I just want to be alone.

00:39:34We are alone.

00:39:35That's not what I meant.

00:39:36We want to watch TV in peace.

00:39:38Is that it?

00:39:39Is that what you're going to do with yourself?

00:39:41Just get a decent job and sit and settle?

00:39:43I want more.

00:39:44You should know what my ambitions are.

00:39:45Then get more.

00:39:47It's not going to come to you in some song and dance.

00:39:49And those buffoons in there are going to help you.

00:39:52Well, Matt isn't at least.

00:39:54Those are my friends in there.

00:39:55Well, you have to understand that there comes a time in life

00:39:58where you have to start making decisions for yourself.

00:40:01What choice are you going to make?

00:40:03You're not going to make me do this, are you?

00:40:04Damn it, Neil.

00:40:05If not now, then when?

00:40:07Well, I'm certainly not going to choose you.

00:40:08You're crazy.

00:40:10That wasn't the option.

00:40:11We're over, remember?

00:40:12Yeah.

00:40:12Good thing, too.

00:40:13You say that like it was some sort of prison sentence.

00:40:15Well, I sure as hell feel free now.

00:40:17Damn it, Neil.

00:40:18Why are you siding with them?

00:40:19I didn't even say anything about them.

00:40:21You didn't have to.

00:40:22I came out here to talk to you.

00:40:23No, you came out here to save your precious TV time.

00:40:27What are you, just watching the Spanish shopping channel again?

00:40:30No, we got a long stick.

00:40:33Well, I'm not leaving until I get what's mine.

00:40:35I know you're keeping them.

00:40:38We want you to leave.

00:40:39Why are you being such a bitch?

00:40:41Me?

00:40:42Didn't Matt send you down here to get rid of me?

00:40:45No, I came out here on my own.

00:40:47Liar.

00:40:48You can't make a decision for yourself, Neil.

00:40:50You've got to have someone lead you around, or you'll just hang around and veg.

00:40:56Hello, you've got a poor reason for hanging around here.

00:40:59Damn it, I thought this was going to resolve something.

00:41:01Just give me my stuff, and we'll solve this issue.

00:41:04You're so damn possessive.

00:41:05Don't just walk away from me.

00:41:07What do you want me to do?

00:41:08You want your stuff?

00:41:08You've already taken everything else that's mine.

00:41:10Isn't that good enough for you?

00:41:11No, not at all.

00:41:13What do you even want them for, anyway?

00:41:16You just want an excuse to stay here, don't you?

00:41:18Yeah, you wish.

00:41:19You're just trying to get me to lead through reverse psychology.

00:41:22Well, it's not going to work.

00:41:23What did I ever see in you?

00:41:25Don't sell a relationship so short.

00:41:27You couldn't enjoy it for what it was worth, remember?

00:41:31Be louder.

00:41:33Yeah, you certainly took a liking to that, didn't you?

00:41:34God, you're an asshole.

00:41:36That is really rubbing off on you.

00:41:38Yeah, well, you're crazy.

00:41:40I told you, don't just walk away from me.

00:41:43Watch me.

00:41:44Go to hell!

00:41:51So what do you think?

00:41:52Is it going to work out?

00:41:53I think I should get mad at the drink.

00:41:55Told you, dude.

00:41:56Total bitch, huh?

00:41:57Neil, don't give up on her yet.

00:41:59If you're trying to pass things up, Eric, you're a fool.

00:42:02You're just overly concerned with what everyone else thinks of her.

00:42:05She can't hate you.

00:42:06She's doing everything in her power to bug the hell out of us.

00:42:08She gives a massacred doll of me.

00:42:11She must really hate me.

00:42:17Welcome back, dude.

00:42:19Damn it, Matt.

00:42:20Hey, I told you.

00:42:21Stability.

00:42:21I can assure you that she'll never treat you wrong.

00:42:24I don't know.

00:42:25I just, I can't help the feeling that Lisa's plotting something bigger.

00:42:28It's not like she's going to blow up the apartment with her brain or anything.

00:42:30I guess so.

00:42:32What do you think Eric's on to, anyway?

00:42:33Yeah, probably just some Asian love-hate theory of his.

00:42:36Like those animes he watches.

00:42:37Oh, look.

00:42:39Here comes the matchmaker now.

00:42:41How do they make it so green?

00:42:43What?

00:42:44Your drink.

00:42:45How do they make it so green?

00:42:46It's like the ooze from Ninja Turtles.

00:42:49You know, I always thought drinking MD would make me a turtle.

00:42:51A turtle.

00:42:56Not a martial artist.

00:42:57A turtle.

00:42:58Yeah, I think you'd be evolving the wrong way if you turned into a turtle.

00:43:01Well, then again, for you, that might be an improvement.

00:43:03Did you guys know that the creators of the turtles took cheese graters and they put them

00:43:07on their hand and swung it around?

00:43:08And that's how they came up with the idea for Shredder.

00:43:11Is that what your blogs tell you?

00:43:13Wiki.

00:43:13Oh, right.

00:43:14My second guess.

00:43:15You live on those websites, Eric.

00:43:16And yet you stay culturally ignorant and socially dense.

00:43:19Huh?

00:43:20I wonder if you went in a fight between the Power Rangers and the Ninja Turtles.

00:43:23Rangers?

00:43:25Huh, I'm just surprised you know who the Power Rangers are.

00:43:27Well, it did start out as a Japanese show called Super Sentai Series.

00:43:30That's right.

00:43:31You're an Asian kid stuck in an American body.

00:43:33How could I forget?

00:43:34You're such an Asian American.

00:43:35What?

00:43:36Asian American.

00:43:37An American kid so enveloped in Asian culture that he forgets his own roots.

00:43:40It's people like you that allow the teriyaki flood to come rushing into our country.

00:43:44From food to fashion to entertainment.

00:43:46What, is America not good enough for you?

00:43:48You don't like our cheeseburgers and our fast cars?

00:43:50That's a bit harsh, man.

00:43:52That wouldn't be a fair fight anyway.

00:43:54I mean, there's only four turtles and five Power Rangers.

00:43:56No, it'd still be a fair fight.

00:43:57They got two girls who are just basically one dude.

00:43:59Turtles would still win.

00:44:01Oh, wait, dude.

00:44:01The Rangers are way better.

00:44:03Dude, they're basically just different nationalities wearing different colored spandex

00:44:06and talking to a giant fucking floating head.

00:44:08Oh, because talking to a giant rat is cooler than that.

00:44:10Hey, a genetically altered rat who knows martial arts.

00:44:12You can't beat that.

00:44:13They are better trained and more hardcore than the Rainbow Crew.

00:44:16Well, what about the Megazord?

00:44:18All right, look.

00:44:18Every Power Rangers episode has the same damn formula.

00:44:21One, there's a normal human problem.

00:44:23Billy's got homework.

00:44:23Or Kimberly chipped a nail.

00:44:24Oh, no!

00:44:25Whatever.

00:44:26Two, some big beastie comes down from outer space and gets fought by the Power Rangers.

00:44:29Three, the creature gets fucking gigantic.

00:44:31Four, the Rangers call out the Megazord and they go all Godzilla on the city,

00:44:35causing millions in structural and collateral damage.

00:44:37In five, they finally get around to beating the monster

00:44:39and somehow manage to translate their success back to the problem at the beginning of the episode.

00:44:43By the way, there's no way they could beat the better trained turtles.

00:44:46Well, the pattern is because the American show is comprised of footage from the original Japanese series.

00:44:51Ah, he's right.

00:44:52Bullshit.

00:44:53Not really, go back and watch the show.

00:44:54They were smart to use helmets to conceal the actors.

00:44:56The American show just cannibalized the footage from the Japanese one.

00:44:59Going all Godzilla was just a result of the Japanese audiences loving that man in a rubber suit type stuff.

00:45:04The Yellow Ranger was originally a dude in Japan.

00:45:06That's why she didn't wear a skirt.

00:45:08Whatever, they still couldn't beat the turtles.

00:45:10But they had the Megazord!

00:45:11Oh, so you're assuming they can use everything at their disposal?

00:45:13Of course they'd fucking win.

00:45:14They'd fucking stomp the turtles with a huge fucking robot.

00:45:17Turtles had a blimp?

00:45:18Shut up, Eric.

00:45:19They'd be like pitting a meat-covered baby against a...

00:45:22A pit bull.

00:45:23So they would win.

00:45:25Shut up, Eric.

00:45:26Get my pocket knife out here.

00:45:29What the...

00:45:30What the hell?

00:45:31Oh, no.

00:45:31That's a midget knife.

00:45:32Yeah!

00:45:33That's a knife.

00:45:35And dude, it's a tower.

00:45:36Seriously, a tower.

00:45:38You don't see that every day.

00:45:39A tower.

00:45:41A medieval tower.

00:45:42Can you imagine this with cannons and knights and s***?

00:45:45Wow!

00:45:47Jesus Christ.

00:45:48How'd you ever become a doctor?

00:45:51Good boys and your pains.

00:45:53Yeah, yeah.

00:45:54Yeah.

00:45:55Fight the fight.

00:45:56I'll fight the fight.

00:45:57Yeah, I'll live for nothing or die for creed.

00:45:59Creed!

00:46:00Ah!

00:46:00Pain in the ass.

00:46:01I gave you an Oscar-winning performance last time.

00:46:04And now you come around and chase me with a camera.

00:46:06Now I know what it feels like to have the paparazzi chase you around

00:46:09because you're so damn popular.

00:46:11This is XL.

00:46:13Yo, yo, yo.

00:46:14My main man Luke here.

00:46:15Sporned a 1960 pre-Cold War short stack.

00:46:18He's been suffering with his crude cue for some time.

00:46:21Watch what happens when we take his lib locker

00:46:23and turn it into a bib locker.

00:46:26Oh, sh-is that Moloch?

00:46:28No, that-is that Moloch?

00:46:30Oh, my-is that Moloch?

00:46:31Oh, that is Moloch!

00:46:32Oh, sh-oh, my God!

00:46:34Oh, mother-oh, man!

00:46:36It's so-

00:46:37Check out the spinners!

00:46:39The-the spinners!

00:46:40Oh, oh, my God!

00:46:42Oh, sh-oh, oh, sh-yeah!

00:46:44Yeah!

00:46:45Yeah!

00:46:45Oh, oh, yeah!

00:46:48Oh, my God!

00:46:49Oh, man!

00:46:49It's so beautiful!

00:46:50I just want to rub up against it!

00:46:53Oh!

00:46:53It's-oh, it's amazing!

00:46:55It's so-

00:46:56Jeez!

00:46:56Oh, my God!

00:46:57Oh, my God!

00:46:58Oh, the honeys are going to be wanting to put their books in my locker!

00:47:02Oh!

00:47:02Oh, yeah!

00:47:03Oh, yeah!

00:47:05That's the only way I can get through the day.

00:47:07Jeez, man, don't drop it in us.

00:47:20Yeah, what are you doing?

00:47:22I'm trying to see if Lisa's still here.

00:47:23Why?

00:47:26Anything?

00:47:26No.

00:47:28She must really be gone.

00:47:30I didn't want to embarrass you, Neil, but now I really don't care!

00:47:34I want my bras back!

00:47:36Guys, do you know what this means?

00:47:37Like to finally have the support you always dreamed of.

00:47:40No, that I can't sense her anymore.

00:47:42She must be getting around it somehow.

00:47:44Hmm.

00:47:45Maybe you don't sense your ex-girlfriends,

00:47:48but you only sense people who think of you as an ex-boyfriend.

00:47:51Which would mean, if she's starting to like you again,

00:47:54you can't sense her.

00:47:56That's ridiculous.

00:47:57Get off the couch, Eric.

00:47:59But, no, no.

00:48:00No more ridiculous ideas.

00:48:02I don't know, guys.

00:48:03I think I'm onto something.

00:48:04If she's thinking of you as a boyfriend

00:48:06and all the mushy stuff that comes along with that,

00:48:08I could definitely explain why.

00:48:10You can't sense her.

00:48:12I'd be lucky if she doesn't kill me,

00:48:13let alone while thinking of me as a boyfriend when she does it.

00:48:15Oh, God, this is divine.

00:48:17TV is so much nicer with luxury seating.

00:48:19You guys are so lame!

00:48:21All you do is watch TV!

00:48:23Neil, I'm leaving!

00:48:24Sure this time?

00:48:25Is she really going?

00:48:27This could be it, Neil.

00:48:28She might really be leaving.

00:48:29Who cares?

00:48:31Shh!

00:48:33Seriously, you gotta just chill out, man.

00:48:35Come on.

00:48:35Shh!

00:48:36Just relax.

00:48:37Be happy for once.

00:48:39Matt, will you just have to-

00:48:40Shh!

00:48:43Oh, shit!

00:48:47She's coming in.

00:48:49Do something.

00:48:50You want me to do?

00:48:51Lock the door.

00:48:51It is locked.

00:48:52Grayson!

00:48:53Come on, Eric!

00:48:57No!

00:48:58I don't want to impede their lock.

00:48:59Eric!

00:49:01I thought you said this was locked.

00:49:02I thought it was locked.

00:49:04Guys, it is locked.

00:49:05I locked it.

00:49:06The door is clearly not locked.

00:49:08God, a fucking door?

00:49:10Fucking slumlord!

00:49:14Damn it, Lisa!

00:49:14Just go away!

00:49:15You guys, it's just me.

00:49:17Scott?

00:49:20Jeez, what the hell was that about?

00:49:22Sorry, I forgot you were coming.

00:49:23Why didn't you call?

00:49:23I did call.

00:49:24You weren't picking up your phone.

00:49:25I mean, we even called the house phone, too.

00:49:27We?

00:49:28Oh, great.

00:49:28That's it.

00:49:29I'm done.

00:49:30What's wrong, Matt?

00:49:31Shannon?

00:49:32Yeah, we had the double date tonight, remember?

00:49:34What's with the security?

00:49:36Lisa's got a bee in her bonnet.

00:49:38A bee in her bonnet?

00:49:40Yeah, like she's pissed off.

00:49:42Oh, why didn't you say that?

00:49:44What did you do to her?

00:49:46Me?

00:49:46I didn't do anything.

00:49:48Well, you must have.

00:49:49Otherwise, she wouldn't be mad.

00:49:51Why do I have to say it like that?

00:49:52Because if you didn't start something or just listen to her, then she wouldn't be flipping

00:49:56out right now.

00:49:57She's crazy.

00:49:58Why would I?

00:49:58Dude, no.

00:49:59Don't.

00:50:00Uh, sometimes it's just easier.

00:50:03Good boy.

00:50:05Now, shall we?

00:50:06I don't want to be a third wheel.

00:50:07I'm fine just watching TV.

00:50:09Come on, we have tickets already.

00:50:11Why don't you just beg Lisa for her forgiveness and smooth it over with some flowers and chocolate?

00:50:16Yeah, this can still work out.

00:50:18Um, you know what, Jim?

00:50:19Maybe we cancel tonight.

00:50:21I mean, there are other things we can do.

00:50:22No.

00:50:23No, we're not just going to...

00:50:25Go on.

00:50:27It's been like this all day, Eric.

00:50:29Yep.

00:50:30It's not so bad.

00:50:32I just think Lisa and Neil aren't completely over.

00:50:34Wait, they broke up?

00:50:36Supposedly.

00:50:37I think that right now, they're more concerned with what each other thinks of the other.

00:50:43What?

00:50:44Neil thinks Lisa wants to kill him.

00:50:47Oh.

00:50:49Would she?

00:50:50I think she still loves him, but Matt would say otherwise.

00:50:54Matt, huh?

00:51:01What about those hands?

00:51:03What?

00:51:07There you go, Shem.

00:51:21Lost your couch privileges, huh?

00:51:23Yeah.

00:51:25You, uh, do know there were chairs here, right?

00:51:28We can't use those.

00:51:29That would break the tradition.

00:51:34Hmm.

00:51:35So.

00:51:37This is it?

00:51:38Listen, I don't know how you slipped past the defenses, but you should be on some double

00:51:41trouble date with Neil and Lisa.

00:51:43But she screwed that up, and now you're sitting here with us.

00:51:45Enjoy the privilege.

00:51:46Wow, I didn't mean to offend your child, Matt.

00:51:49I just wanted to shed a little light on this matter of obsession, and not a light coming

00:51:53from a box.

00:51:53No, you just wanted us to know that you're against our TV-watching ways.

00:51:56What's so wrong with this?

00:51:57What do you got here?

00:51:58Pizza pie.

00:51:59It's for a TV-watching experience.

00:52:00You want some?

00:52:01No, thanks.

00:52:02I was talking to Scott.

00:52:04So, Neil, don't you think you should see what Lisa's doing?

00:52:07He's fine right here.

00:52:08Watches some top-notch programming.

00:52:10I was talking to Neil.

00:52:11Oh.

00:52:12I really don't think it's such a good idea.

00:52:14Besides, Matt says that this is for the best.

00:52:15Well, Matt also thinks that toasted bread has fewer calories.

00:52:19The toaster burns some of them away.

00:52:20This is what I'm trying to say.

00:52:22That toasted bread has fewer calories?

00:52:25No.

00:52:25Then Neil shouldn't be led around by Matt.

00:52:27I'm leading him around.

00:52:28Oh, yeah?

00:52:29Well, then why doesn't Neil try getting back together with her?

00:52:32She told me things were really heating up between you two.

00:52:34Yeah, I bet they were heating up.

00:52:35What is that supposed to mean?

00:52:36Look, girls think every relationship is some kind of firework show.

00:52:39Like, every love is supposed to be a set of rose petal trails and poems.

00:52:42It's a fabrication by the media, depicting a world of rainbows and lollipops,

00:52:45making it real tough on guys everywhere.

00:52:47Sometimes guys just want to hang out with guys, kick it back, shoot the shit.

00:52:50What is so wrong with that?

00:52:51If guys worked a little harder at what they claim to love,

00:52:55then there wouldn't be trouble in Loveland.

00:52:56Guys are too preoccupied with what their next meal is or when the next TV show is on

00:53:01to give a damn at a relationship.

00:53:04Hey.

00:53:05Is that my Scott?

00:53:06That's because Scott is whipped beyond belief.

00:53:08No, he's not.

00:53:09He totally is.

00:53:10You got him whipped to be the boy you want him to be.

00:53:12Matt, you're just jealous.

00:53:16Yeah.

00:53:17Yeah, sure.

00:53:17I want to be just like Scott.

00:53:18I read your book the other day, by the way.

00:53:20The Whipping Boy.

00:53:21You don't read books, Matt.

00:53:23Good one, Eric.

00:53:24Scott, tell him you're not whipped.

00:53:25Scott, tell him.

00:53:29I'm not whipped.

00:53:31See?

00:53:32Wow.

00:53:33Yeah, you proved me wrong.

00:53:35That was kind of gross.

00:53:38What?

00:53:38You just bent over backwards for her, Scott.

00:53:41I thought you were going to put up a struggle or something, but you snapped like a twig bridge.

00:53:46Oh, I did not bend for her.

00:53:48Dude, you totally did.

00:53:50No, he didn't.

00:53:52Scott, stand up for yourself.

00:53:53I didn't, guys.

00:53:56Jeez.

00:53:57Scott, stop.

00:53:59I'm sorry you have to see this, Eric.

00:54:01This is not a good model for a growing boy.

00:54:03Matt, you are something else.

00:54:05You think that you're the ringleader now that Neil is out of a girlfriend.

00:54:08Well, he didn't make her flip out.

00:54:09Yeah, well, he might as well have.

00:54:12Matt's sense of being in a relationship is that he's made out with a cup of MD more times than he needs to.

00:54:17You have no...

00:54:18Me what?

00:54:20It's sort of unsettling knowing that this couch has seen more ass than you ever will.

00:54:24You have no idea what you're talking about.

00:54:28Oh, no?

00:54:30Have I struck a nerve with you, Matt?

00:54:32I just want you to get a little taste of your own medicine.

00:54:34She's got you good, man.

00:54:35Shut up, Eric.

00:54:36Oh, that's original.

00:54:38Pick on a little guy to boost yourself up.

00:54:40Are you done yet?

00:54:41Do you like it?

00:54:44Like what?

00:54:44The satisfaction of making other people's lives feel broken and imperfect, thus completing your own.

00:54:53Come on, Shannon.

00:54:53No.

00:54:54I just think we've had these tickets forever.

00:54:57And Matt's gone and ruined Neil's relationship for his own satisfaction.

00:55:01I didn't ruin anything.

00:55:03Well, you did tell him to start trying to lead his life without Lisa.

00:55:05I didn't make the decision for him.

00:55:07But you had a big influence.

00:55:08I'm just trying to bring that to light.

00:55:10That's what I've been hearing.

00:55:11But Matt over here is too deaf and dumb to take it to heart.

00:55:15Yeah.

00:55:16If I thought what you said made any sort of sense, I wouldn't do this.

00:55:18Do what?

00:55:19Now, you see, what we have here is the beautiful Wister skyline.

00:55:22Covered in trees.

00:55:23But thanks to the saving grace of the Asian longhorn beetle, these god-awful obstructions will soon be gone.

00:55:28Forever.

00:55:29Come on, get out of here.

00:55:31I'm working on that damn thing.

00:55:33Anthony, you got the lowest score on the test.

00:55:35I'm afraid you'll never be a doctor.

00:55:37Kyle, Kyle, give me your diploma.

00:55:42You wouldn't have a hot damn camera.

00:55:45Captain freaking video.

00:55:47All right, are you done now?

00:55:49Yo, this ain't your grandmama's show.

00:55:51It's Dope TV.

00:55:52Just call up and we'll do s***.

00:55:551-800-Dope TV.

00:55:57What?

00:55:58That's not enough numbers?

00:55:59Put a pound sign in there.

00:56:01Anywhere.

00:56:02We'll figure it out.

00:56:04Dope TV.

00:56:05Hmm, now's my chance.

00:56:09Scott and Shannon had never played this before.

00:56:12They won't know what hit them.

00:56:13What if I don't make it?

00:56:15I will.

00:56:16Let's do it.

00:56:18I sure could use a drink.

00:56:35What?

00:56:43How?

00:56:43Take the walk, Eric.

00:56:44I'm sorry, Eric.

00:56:45You know, you don't have to do this.

00:56:48Matt says it's the rules.

00:56:50I was the last one to touch my nose.

00:56:52Matt also says that dogs roll around in the dirt for minerals.

00:56:55Really?

00:56:56Well, then how do they get such nice shiny coats, then?

00:56:58The point is, you don't have to be listening to him.

00:57:02Yeah, maybe.

00:57:04But this is how it is.

00:57:09See, I didn't make that choice for him.

00:57:11Well, you could have influenced him to make the right decision.

00:57:14What is right, anyway?

00:57:15He's got you there.

00:57:16Scott, don't team up with him.

00:57:19Neil, haven't you had enough of this?

00:57:21I don't think this situation is improving.

00:57:23Why aren't you listening to Eric?

00:57:25Eric?

00:57:26I tried, and it just stirred up some old flames.

00:57:29Maybe I don't think Lisa's ever going to change.

00:57:31Besides, what's wrong with all this?

00:57:32This?

00:57:33This slump of mindlessness?

00:57:35Hey, watch it, alright?

00:57:36You're tripping on thin ice.

00:57:38This is my sphere of entertainment you're talking about.

00:57:39Sphere of entertainment?

00:57:40Don't make it sound so legal.

00:57:42This place has been tuned to perform at its peak level.

00:57:44You blocked the windows with posters.

00:57:47Well, there is a nasty glare without them.

00:57:49You have a giant-ass remote that you talk to.

00:57:50Hey, whoa!

00:57:51Don't talk about Howie that way.

00:57:52Yeah, he's family.

00:57:54I'm just saying that this sphere isn't offering an environment to grow.

00:57:58Come on, Shannon.

00:57:59It's kind of nice, you know?

00:57:59It's quiet, quaint.

00:58:01I mean, we don't really sit around like this that often.

00:58:03We're always doing...

00:58:04stuff.

00:58:05Right.

00:58:06This is why I don't let you watch TV.

00:58:08It sucks you in.

00:58:09That's why I don't let you go back to Lisa.

00:58:11See?

00:58:11You are holding him back.

00:58:12She's just going to continue to hate and hurt until she gets her stuff back.

00:58:15Then why don't you just give it all back, then?

00:58:17Yeah, lure her back here and just smack her.

00:58:19You want me to go to jail, dude?

00:58:20Hey, just don't call me, remember?

00:58:21Matt, you're terrible.

00:58:23I mean, aren't there equal rights nowadays?

00:58:25Oh, you would say that, you caveman.

00:58:27Hey, just saying.

00:58:29Well, you shouldn't.

00:58:31Say something, Scott.

00:58:33Uh, yeah.

00:58:34Yeah, Matt, don't...

00:58:36say such things.

00:58:39I'm just saying.

00:58:40If I had to deal with someone like Lisa,

00:58:41they could take a smack every now and then when they're out of line.

00:58:44Equal rights means equal opportunity to defend oneself.

00:58:46Yeah, I don't think it works like that.

00:58:48I mean, just because you, you know, spend time with your lover, you know,

00:58:51listen to her wants and needs,

00:58:54you know, you just put some tampons in your pocket for her once in a while.

00:58:57Doesn't give you the right to beat a woman.

00:59:00Tampons in the pocket?

00:59:02Dude.

00:59:03What?

00:59:05There are just some lines that shouldn't be crossed.

00:59:07You put tampons in your pocket.

00:59:08You make him put tampons in his pocket.

00:59:11When we go hiking or wherever a person would be a burden.

00:59:15Well, touch them!

00:59:16Dude, that's not the point.

00:59:17That's a violation of your personal space.

00:59:18You're violating his personal space.

00:59:20What is the big deal?

00:59:22What if you get pulled over by the cops or something and they search you?

00:59:25You're gonna look like some kind of weirdo.

00:59:26You gotta defend your limits, dude.

00:59:28I mean, with girls, you gotta be ruthless.

00:59:29Oh, is that panning out for you?

00:59:30It's not like you're looking at a dead dog carrier.

00:59:33Scott, don't!

00:59:34Oh, it's about her? Do tell.

00:59:36Happened back in Beantown.

00:59:38Shannon carries around dead dogs.

00:59:40You carry around dead dogs.

00:59:41It's more than just that.

00:59:43How can it be more than that?

00:59:45It has to do with my friend's dog.

00:59:47While I was dog-sitting it, it died.

00:59:49I put the dog into some luggage to take it to the vet,

00:59:52and as I was getting onto the subway,

00:59:54a guy stopped to help me because I was struggling.

00:59:57And why am I even telling you this?

00:59:59Oh, you're too far in. You can't stop now.

01:00:00I don't want Matt to hear it.

01:00:01But just cover your ears.

01:00:05Well, he asked me why I had such heavy luggage,

01:00:09and I told him it was computer parts.

01:00:11And when I got to my stop, I went to thank him,

01:00:14and he punched me in the face,

01:00:16and he took the luggage, and he ran.

01:00:19He punched you in the face?

01:00:20Damn it, Matt!

01:00:20Oh my god.

01:00:21He really punched you in the face?

01:00:23Yeah, he did.

01:00:24I couldn't believe it either.

01:00:26Well, what did the guy seem like?

01:00:27Was he sketchy looking?

01:00:28No, the guy was in a suit and tie.

01:00:29It was totally unexpected.

01:00:31You.

01:00:31I think I must think you're some kind of freak

01:00:33carrying around dead dogs.

01:00:35Oh my god.

01:00:36You're going to get remembered as the girl

01:00:37who carries around dead dogs forever.

01:00:39It just goes to show you that men are up to no good.

01:00:41No, it just goes to show you

01:00:43that you should have defended your limits

01:00:44and told your friends to go pick up their own damn dead dog.

01:00:46See, Neil, this is why you shouldn't be getting back with Lisa.

01:00:49She's just going to end up killing your dog.

01:00:50Well, I don't have a dog.

01:00:51Yeah, and you don't have tampons in your pockets either.

01:00:53That's true.

01:00:55I don't want that.

01:00:56Scott, let's salvage this night and go see that play.

01:00:59Oh, do we have to?

01:01:00Yes, Scott.

01:01:02Look at this place.

01:01:03What does it have that makes you want to stay in this dump?

01:01:05The cave of entertainment.

01:01:07Come on, Scott.

01:01:08I'm done here.

01:01:08You're blocking the damn TV.

01:01:10Scott, we're leaving.

01:01:13You know what?

01:01:14I think I want to stay.

01:01:16Call your girlfriend to go out with you.

01:01:18Excuse me?

01:01:19Dude, reconsider.

01:01:23I don't know what you're trying to pull here, Matt,

01:01:25but I have worked too hard on this one

01:01:26to let some brain box pose a bigger influence on him than me.

01:01:30Just go.

01:01:31Just go.

01:01:32Save us.

01:01:33This could get worse.

01:01:35I just want to watch TV with the guys.

01:01:36Yeah, you want that?

01:01:37Yeah, I do.

01:01:38Yeah?

01:01:38Yeah.

01:01:39Grab your ear, then.

01:01:43And you two,

01:01:44you better stop watching this thing

01:01:45before you choke on stupid.

01:01:49Eric, we're leaving.

01:02:02What?

01:02:02Larry Singer is on next.

01:02:03We love him.

01:02:04Do you really like being here with them?

01:02:08You know, Shannon,

01:02:09sometimes it's just easier.

01:02:11Yeah, and cheaper sometimes, too.

01:02:13Scott, we're going.

01:02:15Yes, ma'am.

01:02:15Boys.

01:02:19We have a unique bond here.

01:02:21Maybe you just can't see it.

01:02:23I just know what works for me and Scott.

01:02:26But I want you to think about

01:02:27what you could be missing

01:02:28in the rest of the world.

01:02:30We're making our own memories here.

01:02:32What's so good about the rest of the world?

01:02:34What about

01:02:35starting a relationship

01:02:37and having a family?

01:02:39I have a family.

01:02:40One where their IQ

01:02:41passes their age.

01:02:43I like my friends.

01:02:45You like your couch spot, too.

01:02:47Yeah.

01:02:49I'm just saying,

01:02:51I think Matt's been shaken up

01:02:53with a woman on his turf.

01:02:54Maybe with his defenses down,

01:02:55you can get your point across to Neil?

01:02:57Eric, Singer's starting!

01:02:59Coming.

01:03:00Bye, Shannon.

01:03:06Hey, Eric.

01:03:07How's the MD?

01:03:09Just fine, Matt.

01:03:11Gotta pick your battles, man.

01:03:14So they gone or what?

01:03:16Yeah, they're gone.

01:03:17Man, I was getting worried.

01:03:19I hate having to defend my sphere from women.

01:03:21Matt, what's a chode?

01:03:23What?

01:03:23Before.

01:03:24You called me a chode.

01:03:26What's that?

01:03:27Oh, jeez.

01:03:28Well, it's like a...

01:03:30It's like a...

01:03:32It's a chode.

01:03:32It's like, um...

01:03:36It's sort of like...

01:03:38It's kind of...

01:03:41Down here?

01:03:42Or something?

01:03:43Like, I guess...

01:03:44What the hell is that?

01:03:44That doesn't tell me shit.

01:03:45Well, screw you.

01:03:46It's hard to describe.

01:03:47Sure as hell try.

01:03:48No way.

01:03:48I'm just taking a page out of your book.

01:03:50You can't do that.

01:03:51I just did, you stupid chode.

01:03:52What do you even want to know, anyway?

01:03:54Because I keep a list of everything you call me on my blog.

01:03:57I can't even tell if you're serious or not.

01:03:59You know, it's kind of reminding me of a fish head.

01:04:01You know, a chode of a fish head.

01:04:05Thanks, Neil.

01:04:06You're always there to help me out.

01:04:08All right, look.

01:04:08I got it.

01:04:09You remember Brian from school?

01:04:11Who?

01:04:11Brian.

01:04:12He was all, like, tiny and deformed.

01:04:14Had, like, short arms and fingers and shit like that.

01:04:16Oh, yeah.

01:04:17Didn't he have some rare deformation that screwed with his bones?

01:04:19I don't know.

01:04:20Anyway, he's chodey.

01:04:22Huh.

01:04:22Well, I'm still not really clear on what a chode is,

01:04:25but I guess I'll just think of Brian whenever I hear it.

01:04:28Great.

01:04:29Poor guy can't go one day without someone using his physical deformations as an example.

01:04:32If it gets used as an example, it helps the learning process.

01:04:36He shouldn't always be painted in a negative light like that.

01:04:38Now Eric's going to think of Brian every time he hears chode.

01:04:40Sorry, object association's the best way to remember it.

01:04:42That's how I do it.

01:04:44Why, do you associate girls with, like, knives or paint or something?

01:04:47No way.

01:04:48Above all that, my wallet.

01:04:49I just got to remember how much girls I actually require.

01:04:52Unless you find one at a good rate.

01:04:54Of course.

01:04:56You ever think that letting a girl into your life might actually change it for the better?

01:05:00No.

01:05:01Couldn't picture man with a significant other.

01:05:03Unless she was totally succumbing to his demands.

01:05:05Unable to stay quiet.

01:05:07Unable to react quickly to changing circumstances.

01:05:10Like a computer.

01:05:11So you're saying I need a robot girlfriend?

01:05:14Oh yeah.

01:05:15I'm sure your thumb drive will fit her USB port just fine.

01:05:18At least I'm not like Brian.

01:05:20Chode?

01:05:20See?

01:05:21Oh, come on.

01:05:22Hey look, all I'm saying is he's so short and squat, it reminds me of a dwarf.

01:05:26I thought he was a chode.

01:05:27Same thing.

01:05:28Just my thumb drive functions way better than his tunic-hand dick.

01:05:31What?

01:05:32Look, dwarves are so chodey and squat and short, they gotta have tunic-hand dicks.

01:05:37I'll never look at Gimli the same way again.

01:05:39Yeah, just a fact of life.

01:05:40Poor guy.

01:05:41It's gotta be tough handling a stump nose like that.

01:05:44He probably deals with it the same way we all deal with our small problems.

01:05:48Read in a book.

01:05:49Just kidding.

01:05:53You know what?

01:05:54Let's bring him out.

01:05:55Let's bring him out here.

01:05:56Yeah!

01:05:57Oh!

01:05:58Oh!

01:05:59Yeah!

01:05:59Bullshit!

01:06:00Bullshit!

01:06:01He's my man!

01:06:03He's my man!

01:06:04No, no, just because you were born a man!

01:06:06Oh!

01:06:07Oh!

01:06:07You were a resolution!

01:06:08Let's get resolution!

01:06:09Resolution!

01:06:10That's resolution!

01:06:11That is resolution!

01:06:12You know what?

01:06:13Oh!

01:06:14Oh!

01:06:15Oh!

01:06:16Oh!

01:06:17Oh!

01:06:18Oh!

01:06:19Oh!

01:06:20Oh!

01:06:21Oh!

01:06:22Oh!

01:06:23Oh!

01:06:24Oh!

01:06:25Oh!

01:06:26Oh!

01:06:27Oh!

01:06:28Oh!

01:06:29Oh!

01:06:29I'll beat you up!

01:06:30Oh!

01:06:31Oh!

01:06:31No!

01:06:32Oh!

01:06:33Oh!

01:06:34Oh!

01:06:34Don't back!

01:06:35No!

01:06:36We'll be right back!

01:06:40Wow.

01:06:40There's so much swearing on this show.

01:06:42Why do they have to beep it out?

01:06:44Yeah, I know.

01:06:45I mean, we know what they're saying.

01:06:46Why can't they just let it go?

01:06:47Eh, it's probably just a cultural preservation thing.

01:06:49thing to keep the public away from it for as long as fucking possible.

01:06:52Yeah, but it cuts out the dialogue and it makes everyone sound like a robot.

01:06:56Well, in that case, R2-D2 probably cusses like a fucking sailor. All it does is bloop

01:07:00and bleep.

01:07:01What?

01:07:02Think about it. If all the other bots could speak, why wouldn't they put voice modulators

01:07:05into the R2 models?

01:07:07He probably didn't need one. I mean, wasn't his job just to talk to the ships?

01:07:10The R2 models must have been programmed to cuss like hell and to preserve the culture

01:07:13of the galaxy. They were all bleeped.

01:07:15So you're saying that every time R2-D2 makes any noises, he's cussing like a truck driver?

01:07:19R2, shut down all the garbage compactors on the detention levels. No, shut them all

01:07:23down.

01:07:23Oh, hell no. I'm not sticking my fucking dick into another fucking computer. Last time I

01:07:27did that, I got a fucking virus, you son of a bitch. You hacked that shit yourself, you

01:07:31asshole.

01:07:33Wow. That's disturbing.

01:07:36Oh, right, R2. We'll take care of everything.

01:07:41Yeah, you better, you fuckhead. Seriously, what the fuck? I used to have my jets. Where'd

01:07:44the hell they go?

01:07:45I want my flamethrower back. I can't do shit with this little fucking taser thing I

01:07:49guy. I used to fucking fly, can you believe that? You have any idea how fucking annoying

01:07:52that is to roll around when I could fucking fly at one point? God dammit, you tell them

01:07:56to suck my fucking little metal dick.

01:07:58If only you used your time for something more constructive.

01:08:02Yeah, if I had 10% of the free time you have, I'd have like 7 extra hours in my day.

01:08:07You're saying my days have 70 hours in them?

01:08:10Yeah, yeah, you're that lazy.

01:08:12Okay, whatever.

01:08:14Can I get back on the couch now?

01:08:16Sorry Eric, the couch is for winners.

01:08:18Nah, he's right.

01:08:19Bull.

01:08:20Shit.

01:08:21I am sick and tired of this, Matt.

01:08:24You are not right.

01:08:25Turn off the TV.

01:08:26Fuck no.

01:08:27Hey, hey!

01:08:28What the fuck?

01:08:29I tried to be nice, but I don't think I can take it anymore.

01:08:31Eric, turn to the fucking TV.

01:08:32Quiet!

01:08:33Do you hear that?

01:08:34No, it's completely quiet.

01:08:39Listen.

01:08:40God.

01:08:41It is quiet.

01:08:46Maybe Lisa's really gone.

01:08:48Exactly.

01:08:49They watch TV in peace.

01:08:50No, Matt.

01:08:51I have to do this.

01:08:52Maybe she's still here.

01:08:55And maybe she's not.

01:08:56Maybe we should go check.

01:08:58I still think there's something here, Neil.

01:09:00You and Lisa have been longing for each other, but you express it through your anger.

01:09:03It's too dangerous.

01:09:04This could all be part of a plan.

01:09:05Or in your case, it's paranoia.

01:09:07I listened to you before, Eric.

01:09:09What's going to change now?

01:09:10You, Neil.

01:09:11You have to change.

01:09:12You can't keep wanting what other people want you to want.

01:09:14You have to want whatever it is that you really do want.

01:09:16What?

01:09:17A life living fear is a life half lived.

01:09:20It sounds to me like you don't want Lisa to be gone.

01:09:22Aren't you at least curious whether she wants you back or not?

01:09:25Or do you just want to watch some more TV?

01:09:26No way, Neil.

01:09:27Look.

01:09:28This is for the better, alright?

01:09:29You can watch way more TV without her.

01:09:30Don't you want more than that, Neil?

01:09:32I do.

01:09:33What if she's waiting for you right now?

01:09:34I have to go get her.

01:09:35Well, she's certainly not going to come to you.

01:09:37She's been trying, but you keep the door locked.

01:09:39Shittily.

01:09:40What do you want, Eric?

01:09:42It doesn't matter what I want.

01:09:43I just want to help you make the right choice.

01:09:45We should check if she's still here.

01:09:49Matt, go get the door.

01:09:50Eric, check that window.

01:09:51I'll get this one.

01:09:52Ready?

01:09:53Go.

01:10:00Clear.

01:10:01Clear.

01:10:08All clear here, too.

01:10:10I guess she's really gone.

01:10:12I wonder where she went.

01:10:13Who cares?

01:10:14Seriously, dude.

01:10:15It's probably just post-traumatic breakup residue or something.

01:10:18It'll pass.

01:10:19Look, we got a good thing here.

01:10:20Let's just keep it forever, yeah?

01:10:21I just thought I was onto something.

01:10:25Jeez, Bruce.

01:10:26Thanks for coming out here on such short notice to see me.

01:10:29I know you have that deadline for that new office building next Monday,

01:10:32and your car just got towed and...

01:10:34Hey, I only had to take two buses and a cab to get here.

01:10:37You're worth it.

01:10:38Thanks.

01:10:39I just really needed to talk to someone.

01:10:41I can see that.

01:10:42You sounded distressed when I talked to her on the phone.

01:10:45Yeah, I don't really want to talk about that.

01:10:48I just want to talk to someone else about anything else.

01:10:51Okay, uh, how about politics?

01:10:53No way!

01:10:54Politics are terrible!

01:10:55It's about who has the most pull and the most money.

01:10:58It's not even a representation of the people anymore.

01:11:00Don't even get me started.

01:11:01Okay, fine.

01:11:02Um, how about superpowers?

01:11:04Oh yeah?

01:11:05What about them?

01:11:06I've just always had this theory that everyone has a secret power hidden inside of them.

01:11:13You mean how Bruce Wayne is really Batman?

01:11:16No, even less than that.

01:11:18I just think that everyone has something inside of them.

01:11:20Like a power or a talent.

01:11:22Besides, Batman isn't a superhero.

01:11:25So it's something you're born with?

01:11:28Yeah.

01:11:29Maybe something trivial, like the ability to always know where your car keys are.

01:11:34Or maybe something so great that the government has to snatch you up and erase your existence.

01:11:38But I think everyone has something.

01:11:40Right.

01:11:42Surely you have some evidence to back this up?

01:11:45Well, take my power for instance.

01:11:47Your power to make little babies cry by looking at them?

01:11:50No, silly.

01:11:52I have the power to instill desire in females.

01:11:55Oh, you're serious?

01:12:00Fat lot that did you.

01:12:03You're still a virgin.

01:12:05That's by choice.

01:12:07Well, how come you've never used this on me?

01:12:11Because it goes against my superhero code of ethics.

01:12:13I would never enchant a taken woman.

01:12:16Let's not bring him into this.

01:12:17Sorry, I didn't mean anything by it.

01:12:19I was just trying to prove my power.

01:12:21Well, I'll be honest with you.

01:12:22You're not doing a very good job.

01:12:24It seems like all men think they have this power by force or wealth.

01:12:29It's not too attractive if you ask me.

01:12:32I enjoy a man who needs his woman.

01:12:35Who can't sleep if she's not next to him.

01:12:38A...

01:12:39A pushover.

01:12:40A romantic.

01:12:43Hey!

01:12:44Aha!

01:12:45Did you notice anything strange about that?

01:12:48That people in the city would step on you as soon as they look at you?

01:12:52No.

01:12:53What we just saw was a byproduct of Homeless Al's superpower.

01:12:57His power?

01:12:58To live off baked beans and brandy?

01:13:01No.

01:13:02Judging by his survival rate, Homeless Al has the ability to survive hypothermia every night.

01:13:07Which is a pretty good superpower for a homeless guy.

01:13:10But it comes at great cost.

01:13:12Ooh, the plot thickens.

01:13:13Yep.

01:13:14No one seems to notice him as they walk by.

01:13:17To the point where they stumble over him because he's practically invisible.

01:13:20A tragic superhero flaw.

01:13:23So instead of proving that everyone has a superpower, you just prove that everyone in the city is an asshole.

01:13:29Congratulations.

01:13:30Alright.

01:13:31Well, take Nelson here.

01:13:33Nelson.

01:13:34Ooh, does he show your power over women?

01:13:37No.

01:13:38Nelson has the ability to instantly transform his environment into a kung fu movie.

01:13:43I have yet to see it, but someday it will be a spectacle to behold.

01:13:51Okay.

01:13:52Let's say I believe you.

01:13:54What would my superpower be?

01:13:56I've always wanted to be in a musical or blow up my ex-boyfriend with my brains.

01:14:01Well, that's radically different.

01:14:03Um, but how about something more useful?

01:14:06Like the ability to move on.

01:14:08Let go.

01:14:10Let go?

01:14:11Like, let go of my hands around his throat?

01:14:14No, I mean, turn the other cheek.

01:14:16Look to greener pastures.

01:14:18Go out with someone who thinks they're smart, funny, and beautiful.

01:14:22That'd be like giving up without a fight.

01:14:24Well, maybe that's someone who's right in front of you and you haven't even noticed it yet.

01:14:27Huh?

01:14:28Sorry, I was thinking.

01:14:30God, I must have hit you hard when he dumped you.

01:14:33Is that what he's telling people?

01:14:34I dumped him.

01:14:35What?

01:14:36Are you kidding me?

01:14:37Then why are you still stalking the poor bastard?

01:14:39Um, ugh, I can't say.

01:14:41Look, Lisa, I mean this in the nicest way possible.

01:14:44You need psychiatric help.

01:14:46The only reason that you still pursue someone, someone that you dumped, is that you have serious mental issues.

01:14:53Or that you still seriously like the person.

01:14:56I think you need to move on.

01:14:58Hmm.

01:14:59I never thought about it that way.

01:15:01You're right.

01:15:02Yeah.

01:15:03Yeah.

01:15:04I don't know how I could have been so blonde.

01:15:05Lisa, I...

01:15:06It was never about getting my stuff back.

01:15:07Thanks, Bruce.

01:15:08Lisa, wait!

01:15:09I...

01:15:10I...

01:15:11I don't know how I could have been so blonde.

01:15:13Lisa, I...

01:15:14It was never about getting my stuff back.

01:15:16Thanks, Bruce.

01:15:17Lisa, wait!

01:15:18I...

01:15:19Fuck!

01:15:20Nice!

01:15:21Listen, I'm so sorry.

01:15:22Love you.

01:15:23I just think we hung up.

01:15:24Thank you, Bruce.

01:15:25Thanks, Bruce.

01:15:26Lisa, wait!

01:15:28I-

01:15:29Fuck!!!

01:15:30Cool.

01:15:31Cool.

01:15:32Cool.

01:15:33Cool.

01:15:34Cool.

01:15:35Cool.

01:15:37Cool.

01:15:39Cool.

01:15:40Cool.

01:15:41Cool.

01:15:42Cool.

01:15:43Cool.

01:15:44Cool.

01:15:45Cool.

01:15:46Cool.

01:15:47Cool.

01:15:48Cool.

01:15:49Cool.

01:15:50Ma guitare et toi mon ami

01:15:55L'amour de l'eau fraîche et des fruits

01:16:00Abandonner de nos vies l'ennui

01:16:05Voir danser de nos envies la pluie

01:16:08Je vous l'en ai

01:16:14Je vous l'en ai

01:16:19Je vous l'en ai

01:16:23Lisa!

01:16:24Neil!

01:16:25Take me back!

01:16:26You mean it?

01:16:28I knew there was a reason my ex girlfriend's sense wasn't tingling anymore

01:16:31It must be because you really love me

01:16:33How could I ever leave you?

01:16:34How could I ever let you go?

01:16:38No dude, no!

01:16:40Fuck you too!

01:16:42Eric, shut the fuck up!

01:16:50My remote!

01:16:52You're keeping this too?

01:16:56Steal my stuff?

01:17:04And this is for my bra.

01:17:06I haven't been able to change my channels, Neil.

01:17:10I thought you might have changed,

01:17:14but you still only care about TV.

01:17:16But I have changed. I'm choosing you.

01:17:18Damn it, Neil. You are never going to change.

01:17:20I have done everything for you, Neil.

01:17:22And you just sit and be controlled.

01:17:26Well, not anymore.

01:17:30Lisa, no!

01:17:32Howie, no!

01:17:34Lisa! Howie!

01:17:36You just took the remote.

01:17:38I can't change this shit.

01:17:40It's not even TV.

01:17:42Damn you when you're TV.

01:17:44That's what got me in this mess in the first place.

01:17:46Hey, it's what we have together, dude.

01:17:48Yeah, don't blame him in the TV. This is your fault.

01:17:50Shut up, Eric.

01:17:52Go get her!

01:17:54Forget that! Go get Howie!

01:17:58Damn it, dude.

01:18:00I was just trying to show you that it's your decision to make.

01:18:02Come on, man. Now we got nothing.

01:18:04What kept this together is gone.

01:18:06You know, maybe Lisa is a little off-kilter,

01:18:08but I can't tell you if you love her or not.

01:18:10Forget this, man.

01:18:12Goddamn it, Neil!

01:18:14Damn it, Neil!

01:18:36One, two.

01:18:38One, two.

01:18:44One, two.

01:18:46One, two.

01:18:48One, two.

01:18:49Two, three.

01:18:50Two, three.

01:18:51The thing.

01:18:56Nii.

01:20:27Stop the cab!

01:20:36Neil, you came back.

01:20:53I had to.

01:20:54I had a big choice to make and you were a really big part in it.

01:21:02Dammit.

01:21:03I can't believe this.

01:21:05My sphere's been under siege all day and now I'm ruined.

01:21:08Yeah.

01:21:09I'm gonna miss the three of us hanging out.

01:21:12Why the hell did you spur him on in the first place?

01:21:15I felt like this was bigger than we could perceive.

01:21:18It'd be selfish to keep him here for our own reasons and I wanted to help him make the right choice.

01:21:22Whatever it was.

01:21:23Oh, great.

01:21:25Now we're gonna have to find a new roommate from the look of it.

01:21:29I wonder what Brian's up to.

01:21:31Who?

01:21:31Chode?

01:21:32Oh, yeah.

01:21:35Matt.

01:21:36I'm sorry.

01:21:37I didn't mean to break up our trio.

01:21:39Whatever.

01:21:40Look, I just...

01:21:41I knew girls are more trouble than they're worth.

01:21:43You probably just have to find the right one.

01:21:46What, like Lisa?

01:21:47I have no idea what Neil even sees in her.

01:21:49God, why the hell did you put him up to this, Eric?

01:21:52That's what I've been saying.

01:21:53I don't think either of us knows what's best for him.

01:21:58Oh, look.

01:21:58Here come the lovebirds now.

01:22:10Crazy psycho bitch.

01:22:13All'orizzonte dell'illusione, oltre le falde della disinformazione,

01:22:36lamenti stolti, vuoti impuniti, mani assortati dalla danza dei banditi.

01:22:42Ai piedi di una memoria ingrata,

01:22:46spegnali storie di una terra liberata,

01:22:49caduta in mare, nell'incoscienza,

01:22:52spenduta al banco di una pieca indifferenza.

01:23:00Done good, Neil.

01:23:02Now we can eat.

01:23:04Yeah.

01:23:04Fuck.

01:23:08Fuck.

01:23:08I don't know.

01:23:38I don't know.

01:24:08I don't know.

01:24:38I don't know.

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