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I Married Joan 1952 Vol 2 -Part 2
Transcript
00:00I married Joan
00:07What a girl, what a world, what a life
00:11Oh, I married Joan
00:15What a mind, love is blind, what a wife
00:18He's gay all day, she keeps my heart laughing
00:23Never know where her brain has blown
00:27To each his own
00:30Can he not ask why I married Joan
00:34The Joan Davis Show
00:36I Married Joan
00:38America's favorite comedy show
00:41Starring America's queen of comedy
00:44Joan Davis
00:46As Mrs. Joan Stevens
00:48And featuring
00:56Jim Backus
00:57As Judge Bradley Stevens
01:00By Mary Joan
01:09Joanie, do you have to be so cheerful?
01:22La-da-dum, la-da-da-da-dum
01:25Ah, good morning, you wonderful, wonderful guy, you
01:30Joanie, do you have to be so cheerful?
01:33Oh, how can I help it?
01:35Being married to sweet, darling, wonderful you
01:37Mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah, mwah
01:39Well, that takes care of my shower this morning
01:42Oh, breakfast in bed, what did I do to deserve this?
01:49You married me
01:50Huh?
01:52Yes, this morning I suddenly realized how glad I am that you're my husband
01:56And after all this time, it just occurred to you this morning
01:59Oh, no, darling
02:01Oh, honey, that's a good shootout
02:05No, honey, I've been glad all the time, dear
02:11But this morning, well, I got up very early this morning
02:15I guess I'm excited about the reunion I'm having
02:18With all those old high school girlfriends of mine
02:20Just think I haven't seen them for 15 years
02:23Well, anyway, as I was saying, I got up very early
02:26And, well, I was thinking
02:28Would I be as excited about seeing the girls
02:30If I couldn't tell them that I was married to a judge?
02:34Oh, no, I, uh, I see
02:37Why won't the girls just turn green with envy
02:40When they hear that I'm married to a judge?
02:42Well, honey, uh, maybe some of the other girls married well, too
02:48Maybe, but to a judge
02:50Yes, I guess you're right
02:52You know, judges don't grow on trees
02:54Oh, no, no, let me do that for you, judge
02:58Oh, love her
02:59Well, it isn't every girl who's lucky enough to land a judge
03:05Especially, well, take Minnie, for instance
03:09She was the flighty one of the bunch
03:11Uh, what were you of the bunch?
03:14Me?
03:14Oh, I was the normal one
03:16Oh, yes, darling
03:19I'm just going to be eternally grateful to you
03:22For all the wonderful
03:23Charlie, I can't, you know
03:24Sorry
03:25But when I walk into that old classroom
03:28And meet all the girls
03:29Oh, I'm proud of you
03:31Believe me
03:32Joan, Joan, that I'm right
03:34Oh, I'm sorry
03:36I've had my breakfast
03:37Just excited, I guess
03:40Oh, thank you
03:43Thank you for marrying me
03:45You sweet, wonderful
03:46Honka judge, you
03:48Nimo
03:48Hmm, baby
03:50La, la, la
04:00La, la, la
04:04La, la
04:09La, la, la
04:13Joni, you're going to be a dummy all your life.
04:38Joni! Gloria!
04:40Gloria!
04:44Guess what happened to me?
04:45I'm married to a judge.
04:47You've never been a judge, Bradley J. Stevens.
04:50He's awfully young to be a judge.
04:52Let me take a look at you.
04:55You haven't changed a bit.
04:58Right over here, I want to hear all about you.
05:01What you've been doing, how you've been doing.
05:03I want to hear every little detail.
05:05You know how I always love sports.
05:06Did you ever hear of Judge Bradley J. Stevens?
05:09Well, the man I married happens to be a judge.
05:12Girls!
05:13Minnie!
05:14Oh, is this wonderful!
05:16You know, I've been thinking about this by all the time.
05:18I made up my mind.
05:20I'm married to a judge.
05:21I said, I wish I didn't have a judge.
05:23I didn't have a judge.
05:24I didn't have a judge.
05:26Let me take a look at you.
05:30You haven't changed a bit.
05:31You haven't changed a bit, huh?
05:33Now, as I was telling Gloria, the man I'm married to...
05:36No!
05:37No!
05:38No!
05:39No!
05:40No!
05:41No!
05:42No!
05:43No!
05:44No!
05:45No!
05:46No!
05:47No!
05:48No!
05:49No!
05:50No!
05:51No!
05:52No!
05:53No!
05:54No!
05:55No!
05:56No!
05:57No!
05:58No!
05:59No!
06:00I'll be here.
06:01The man I'm married to...
06:02and now as i was saying the man that i'm married to you're married joanie yes i am oh that's
06:11wonderful how about you man are you married no i never found the time me either what about you
06:15no too busy you know what does this say judge very good now speaking of judges the man that i'm married
06:38too happens to be congratulations well thank you minnie i really think i'm very fortunate it was
06:45wonderful congratulations for what you mean you didn't read the babe jones was the first person
06:53ever to swim across the bay of biscay well of course the papers were full of them but what's
06:57the heck got to do with glu glu glory you are babe jones what you look so different in the pictures
07:05with the goggles on and everything i i didn't recognize oh my goodness then you're also the
07:12national singles and doubles woman's tennis champion well what have you been doing minnie oh you know
07:19me joanie still fooling around with cosmetics oh fooling around huh joanie uh do you happen to have
07:25a lipstick oh sure oh madame minette eh well of course it's the best i wouldn't use anything else
07:34that a girl joanie may i present to you madame minette how do you do madame minette but your name is
07:44minnie well who'd buy a lipstick called madame minnie what have you been doing marcia oh working for
07:54the government civil service huh you might call it that oh that's nice and you're not married huh no
08:01well did i tell you girls who i married no no what does he do well girls the man i'm married to
08:11happens to be a come in
08:16dr bronson no there's no dr bronson here it's just us girls i'm dr bronson general oh pardon me
08:24they told me at your hotel that you'd be here the president desires to communicate with you
08:31president what president oh i'm sorry he said he wouldn't need me when i call the white house today
08:37that president i know but something urgent has come up and he needs your advice
08:54um tell the president that i advise against it yes doctor and i'll put a call through to him as soon
09:19as i get back to my hotel very good doctor good day ladies you're that dr bronson of the state
09:30department well i had a doctor's degree in political science so i used the title to appear more anonymous
09:36but you're practically their best diplomatic troubleshooter their ambassador with our portfolio
09:42well tell us what you've been doing joanie yes with your pep and ability you must have really made a
09:47name for yourself well i'm president of the board of um i'm chairman of the bureau of um i'm head of the
09:56department of i make great meatballs what about an identity of my own what on earth are you talking
10:06about i'm talking about me bradley stevens that's what i'm talking about i don't know what's going on but
10:13joan calm down you're all upset don't you touch me not after the nasty thing you did to me the nasty
10:21thing what did i do you married me you said you hated me oh well i didn't really mean it that way honey
10:35you know i love you even though i hate you but gosh brad you can't blame me if it weren't for
10:41marrying you i might have been a somebody too like some certain other women that i know some
10:47certain other women oh you mean your three high school friends yeah they made a mark in the world
10:54because well they weren't rushed into marriage look honey you come over here and sit on old brad's lap
11:01and we'll talk this over well if i had had half the chance i could have done just as well as those
11:07other girls i was just as smart in school as they were oh now joanie well i was too now you take minnie
11:15schultz for instance hey if it hadn't been for me she would have gotten the lowest mark in algebra
11:19class you helped her yes i got the lowest mark i know that i could have been a big executive like
11:29minnie i just know it well this is one problem you're going to have to solve yourself yes dear
11:37sure if i hadn't been rushed into marriage i could have been as big a businesswoman as minnie schultz
11:49madame nanette i could have been lady jim imagine me head of the largest cosmetic firm in the world
11:59sitting in my office the largest office in the world what power i'd have the whole country at my feet
12:06the largest feet in the world
12:19yes this is lady joan sole owner of lady joan cosmetics oh hiya prez
12:26what the u.s treasury is a little low and you're worried about the budget
12:33two billion be enough glad to do it glad oh by the way one little formality uh what are you putting up
12:42for collateral oh i see you'll put up texas but i'm sorry i'm already holding texas for what the last boy
12:51borrow
12:57yes brewster the staff is waiting outside for the regular tuesday business conference lady joan fine send them in
13:04oh wait
13:08light me
13:09real cool
13:17oh lady joan how can you treat me like this after what we've been to each other please brewster we're
13:22about to have a business conference business business is that all you care about all i care about is you
13:29i love you hopelessly madly insanely i love you do you hear i love you
13:34well don't you have anything to say
13:37yes what else is new
13:40look at you so cold so cruel so sure of yourself
13:45you can let yourself go enough to accept a man to accept marriage
13:49oh silly boy i'm a big power in business a tycoonist i'm not a foolish emotional girl who wants to cook
13:59and scrub away her life for a man and wind up in nothing
14:03but lady joan i can't go on living like this please brewster one more outburst like that
14:13and i shall remove you as vice president and put you back to your old job eyebrow plucker third class
14:30good afternoon lady joan
14:36staff i am happy to announce that lady joan cosmetics is now the biggest single business
14:43in the entire world and i am the biggest single business executive and why because i'm single
14:56joan what about this shirt you know how i hate starch in the collar haven't you any
15:00consideration for your husband's wishes husband starch shirts why there must be some mistake i'm lady joan
15:07i don't have to worry about husbands and washing shirts and brewster throw this bounder out of here
15:18staff remove this fellow
15:20staff leave this fellow
15:26oh
15:27oh
15:31what about the starch in the shirt
15:35all right i'll take care of it i'll take care of it
15:39it or I could have been a great athlete like Gloria sure I used to be as good a
15:56swimmer as she was babe Jones with the proper breaks I could have been babe
16:03Stevens this is getting pretty monotonous I know I know babe here have some hot soup
16:33how much fiber you've been in the water for four days you passed the Queen Mary this morning
16:42you should dock in Liverpool tomorrow about three
16:45Joan what in the world are you doing this salad dressing tastes terrible and the dinner isn't
16:58half-ready don't you realize a husband has certain rights and Joni I taste the salad
17:10dressing it's terrible it's flat well it just needs a little salt look honey if you
17:20want to feel bad about your life all of a sudden that's your privilege have some
17:24consideration for my feelings try and be a little diplomatic be a little diplomatic
17:32huh like Marsha Bronson I suppose diplomatic people used to like me much more than
17:39Marsha dr. Bronson gosh diplomats they're all over the place London Vienna Paris dr.
17:51John Stevens I'm Bronson glad to meet you Bronson I'm so really they've sent you doctor the
17:58situation here has become much too difficult for me to handle the president of France is
18:02waiting to see you lead on Bronson it's your president may I present mademoiselle Stevens
18:12my country's greetings president and felicitations from my president but I cannot waste time I am here
18:26on a special diplomatic mission but of course whenever the great John Stevens without portfolio
18:32an M arrives anywhere in the world history is in the making I am honored naturally I feel that an
18:41international power shift is in the making if Sinaloa moves upon Besarabia and Besarabia moves upon
18:48Indorasia and Indorasia moves upon pakisteria and pakisteria moves upon Arabesque serious
18:55repercussions will follow that may be found in Pasadena as serious as that mademoiselle as serious
19:02as that if you say so I say so then it must be so naturally and at the same time due to pressures
19:09from these outer fringes and a power squeeze in the middle France may well become the pulp good heavens
19:17what must France do there is only one thing France can do what is that squeeze back I say so then it
19:28must be so naturally dr. Stevens a special courier has just arrived with new orders Joan Joan you are a
19:36special courier with new orders and your orders are to come home the salad dressing is okay but what
19:41about the rest of the dinner oh Brad that did it it's no use Brad I love you too much not to be honest
20:07with you forgive me but I never should have gotten married well honey I love you too much to stand in
20:13the way of your happiness so you go out and make your mark in the world and after you're famous you
20:17come back to me but before you start out on your new venture you have to be a good little housewife
20:22for one more night and fix a nice dinner we're having company company yes Minnie called she and the girls
20:28practically invited themselves over for dinner oh well I'm glad they're coming and they can give me some
20:33good advice and start me off my last night as a housewife of course where the line between right
20:41and wrong is not carefully drawn then a person like myself sitting in judgment upon others must do a lot
20:48of soul-searching a judge must be free of pressure well girls I'm turning in my apron for good
20:53girls you don't understand Brad has released me I can now concentrate on making my mark in the world
21:04no more drudgery for me you talk about drudgery what do you think I'm up against laboratory breakdowns
21:11advertising budgets sales meetings buyers competitors stabbing you in the back at least you get to stay
21:17home I'm always on the move no place to hang my hat protest marches pickets sabotage on your guard
21:25watch yourself drudgery you should talk up every morning at 5 a.m. do your road work for two hours
21:34breakfast one lean lamb chop every day the same thing every day the same lamb chop what are you girls
21:41complaining about what is it that you girls really a man to take care of me
21:48what am I crying about I've got a man have you Johnny don't you remember you set me free today
22:03oh that's right she did yes she certainly did judge perhaps lunch tomorrow yeah it's what about
22:11dinner save supper time for me I'll meet you any place you say you just I'll be there too
22:16hold it now you girls cut that out but Johnny lover I thought you first wanted to make your mark
22:29I do and here it is on you
22:33I want to thank you girls for coming when I call and uh incidentally you did a wonderful job of acting
22:48who was acting
22:50you're a doll Brad Joan doesn't know what a lucky girl she is
22:59who doesn't
23:02all right dear good night goodbye girl see you 15 years from now it's been swell
23:10get in there you were enjoying that Brad
23:14are you
23:16all right
23:16I'm Mary Joan
23:19what a girl what a world what a life
23:22oh my Mary Joan
23:25what a mind love is blind what a wife
23:28do do do
23:29Vivian Gay all day she keeps my heart laughing
23:32never know where her brain has come
23:36to reach his own
23:39can't deny that's why I'm Mary Joan
23:42To each his own
23:45And deny that for our very joe
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