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00:00Hello, hello, hello, good evening.
00:03Thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:06Lovely to see you all.
00:08You are so welcome to the show.
00:10Hey, everyone, it's Halloween.
00:12Oh, I know.
00:14The spookiest night of the year.
00:16I couldn't be more scared if I was Alan Carr walking across a rickety bridge.
00:23And that is very scared.
00:25And we've got a great line-up for you tonight singing for us later.
00:28We've not won but two brilliant music acts.
00:31It's Mumford & Sons with Hosier.
00:35They're joining forces for the new single, Rubber Band Man.
00:39But first, who's joining forces on my sofa tonight?
00:42Well, he's one of the nation's favourite comedians
00:44who won the Glitterball Trophy and the BAFTA
00:47for his inspiring journey on Strictly Come Dancing.
00:49His new autobiography is called Keep Laughing.
00:52Please welcome Chris McCausland.
00:55Hi, Chris.
00:57Good to see you.
00:58Good to see you.
01:00There you go.
01:01There you go.
01:02Whoo!
01:05This BAFTA-winning actress shot the fame in sex education
01:08and recently stole every scene as Chelsea and the White Lotus.
01:12Now she's back on the BBC with a new series of daddy issues.
01:16It's a first-time welcome to Amy Le Wood!
01:19Yay!
01:20Hi, hi, hi.
01:21Hi, there you go.
01:22Amy Le Wood's here.
01:23At the age of 15, this extraordinary woman survived a brutal attack by the Taliban
01:37to become an advocate for education and women's rights and a global icon,
01:42not to mention the youngest recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize.
01:45Her latest memoir, Finding My Way, brings her incredible story up to date.
01:49It is a pleasure to welcome Malala Yousafzai.
01:53Hello!
01:54So nice to see you.
01:55Come in and have a seat.
01:56I know!
01:57And we've loved this actor from her breakout role as a footballing tomboy invented like
02:10Beckham to her Oscar-nominated roles in Pride and Prejudice and The Imitation Game.
02:15Now she's turned children's author with her book I Love You Just The Same.
02:19It's a warm welcome back to Keira Knightley!
02:22Really nice to see you all.
02:37Welcome back to Keira and Chris.
02:39A first-time welcome to Malala and Amy.
02:41Hello.
02:42Hello.
02:43You're very welcome.
02:44Now, we've had Oscar winners and BAFTA winners, all sorts on the show.
02:47You are the first person to sit on that couch who's won a Nobel Peace Prize, Malala.
02:51APPLAUSE
02:52So, how does it, like, do they bring it round on a cushion to your house?
03:00How do you get it?
03:01No, they just announce it on television.
03:03OK.
03:04Yeah.
03:05And I was actually at school.
03:06I was in my chemistry class and my school's deputy headteacher walked in and called me outside and she informed me that I had won the Nobel Peace Prize.
03:15Did you ask whether it was a chemistry?
03:17LAUGHTER
03:18Yeah.
03:19Well, I knew I was good.
03:20LAUGHTER
03:21But she usually calls you when you are in trouble.
03:23Yeah, yeah, yeah.
03:24So I was like, huh, you know, not too bad today.
03:27And then I finished my school day because I thought if you receive the Nobel Peace Prize for education, you have to finish your school day.
03:35Very wise.
03:36That's insane, to be honest.
03:37I mean, like, just...
03:38Yeah.
03:39Like, since the last time I was here, come on, I won Strictly come dancing, I won a BAFTA for it, and then you have me sat next to someone who's got a Nobel Peace Prize.
03:48LAUGHTER
03:52Yeah.
03:53Everything does kind of pale, it does, it really is.
03:56And, apparently, there are good vibes, this show's got to go well.
04:00Amy Leowood, you've done research.
04:02Yes.
04:03I always do research.
04:04OK.
04:05From the stars.
04:06OK.
04:07This is a good astrological mix.
04:09Ooh.
04:10Yes.
04:11Very good.
04:12So you've researched us all?
04:13Yes.
04:14I mean, I might not remember now because it's scary and my mind's gone blank.
04:16OK.
04:17And we're all looking at you going, go on then.
04:20Yeah, I know.
04:21Just to make it up, that's what all the good ones do.
04:23Yeah, yeah.
04:24You two are Aries, right?
04:26Yes!
04:27Yes!
04:28Aren't you?
04:29So you bring the passion, the energy, you know, you keep the fire going.
04:32That's us, that's us, Kira.
04:33You're cancer, aren't you?
04:34I am cancer, yeah.
04:35You're the mother of the zodiac.
04:36Yeah.
04:37Hello, children.
04:38Yeah.
04:39So it's a lot of nurture and emotional intelligence and, yeah, so...
04:46What are you?
04:47I'm an Aquarius.
04:48Oh.
04:49Yeah, which is like the weird one.
04:50Yeah, it is.
04:51Chris, you're a Gemini, aren't you?
04:52I am, yeah.
04:53Yes.
04:54We're quite similar.
04:55Aquarius and Gemini, both of them.
04:56OK.
04:57But Gemini's are very chatty.
04:58Gemini's are very chatty, so that's good.
04:59Yes, it is.
05:00Right.
05:01I mean, it helps, doesn't it?
05:02Yeah.
05:03It's a chat show.
05:04Yeah.
05:05Good delight.
05:06I mean, she's predicted I'm going to be chatty.
05:09She's seen it in the stars.
05:11Can I just say, Amelia Wood, thank you very much for making the effort to do that.
05:15You know, not many guests do, so thank you very much.
05:17Yeah.
05:18Well, listen, it's a bit of a book club tonight because three books to talk about as well
05:26as Amy's television show.
05:28So let's get started with Keira Knightley.
05:30She has written a children's book, a beautiful thing.
05:33It is called I Love You Just The Same.
05:36I've got an angle so we can see the gold lettering.
05:39Nice.
05:40Yeah.
05:41It's a good oohing.
05:42Good oohing.
05:43Thank you very much for the oohing.
05:44Yes.
05:45It's out now.
05:46And so this, it's a children's book, but it was inspired by your own children?
05:48Yes, my own children.
05:49So my oldest daughter didn't like sleeping at all.
05:52And so she didn't sleep through the night until she was five.
05:54And as part of that, we went through, like, various different strategies.
05:59Can I just say, anyone pregnant now is going, what?
06:02Yeah, don't worry.
06:03You know, it happens, but not always.
06:05But anyway, you know, it happened with her.
06:07And so we got to a point where I would say to her, OK, at bedtime,
06:11I will draw you a picture at night.
06:13And so when you wake up, you'll see the picture and you'll know that I've been thinking about you.
06:17And so every single night she'd ask for a drawing and it would be, like, of a bird or of a cat.
06:21And then eventually she'd be like, OK, can I be in it?
06:23Can my sister be in it?
06:24And then one day she said, can you draw a bird and can it take the baby away?
06:30I was like, wow, OK, yes, I can.
06:33So I drew this picture.
06:34And at the end of this five months, we had, like, I mean, so many images.
06:38And I said to her, OK, I'll put them into a book for you.
06:40And she said, no, they're boring.
06:41They're just in black and white, you know, as children do.
06:43So, you know, brilliant, OK.
06:44So I spent, like, another couple of months trying to colour them in.
06:47And then I put them up on the wall and I just kind of kept playing with them.
06:50And this story kind of came out of it of this, um, of this girl whose baby sister gets taken away by a pigeon.
06:57And she has to go on a magical adventure to find her again.
07:00Of course she does.
07:01Yes, because I had to get the baby back.
07:03And, er...
07:05I like that it's a pigeon because apparently there's some pushback from the publishers.
07:08Yes.
07:09They thought the pigeon was not appropriate.
07:10No, they felt that it shouldn't be a pigeon and it should be a lovely, mysterious bird.
07:13I felt very strongly about the pigeon, but apparently lots of people don't like pigeons.
07:16But I like a pigeon.
07:18I'm a big fan of a pigeon.
07:19Yeah.
07:20So there are pigeons.
07:21And can I just say, so, you know, it's not like they didn't use your pictures.
07:23These are your pictures in the book.
07:24They are my pictures in the book, yes.
07:26And can we just admire her pigeon, frankly?
07:28I admire my pigeons.
07:29Look at those!
07:31Lovely pictures.
07:33Lovely pictures.
07:34Yep.
07:35It's so detailed.
07:37I mean, it's...
07:38It's very detailed.
07:39So it's...
07:40I actually...
07:41I draw a lot anyway.
07:42And it's partly...
07:43I'm dyslexic, so I find learning lines quite difficult.
07:46So I normally record the lines that I'm doing.
07:48And I listen to them and listen to them.
07:49And when I'm listening to them, I'm drawing the whole time.
07:52So I think they have to be quite detailed, otherwise the lines don't go in my head.
07:56So normally I'm drawing kind of pictures of...
07:58I don't know why, but it's old men with wrinkles.
08:00Hello.
08:01I'll do one of you.
08:02I'll do one of you.
08:03Sounds like you've done it already.
08:04I'll do one of you.
08:05Yeah.
08:06But so this was the first time that I've had to do something not old men with wrinkles,
08:09and it had to be something other.
08:10But it was actually...
08:11I was doing it the whole time I was doing Black Dove season one.
08:14So I was...
08:15Can I just say, I'm very aware, Chris, that I'm showing illustrations that you can't see.
08:19Yeah.
08:20Because in life you use AI.
08:22Yeah, yeah.
08:23A lot of people use AI to kind of create images these days.
08:25That's what you hear about, but I use it the other way and I can use it to take photographs
08:29and it will describe things to me, whether it's just anything in a room,
08:34a drawing my daughter's done.
08:36Literally, it will describe things to me with so much more patience
08:40than any human has come to get from me.
08:43And honestly, it's...
08:48I can ask it, like, if I'm shopping for something and there's like a jumper
08:52on the internet, I can get it to describe it to me and it never says to me,
08:57I'm watching CSI, can you come back in an hour?
09:02Unlike me wife, you know.
09:04It's phenomenal, but I get it to describe me daughter's drawings
09:07and things like that.
09:08It's really, it's really incredible.
09:10And you mentioned there you were working on this book, Kira,
09:13while you were doing Black Doves.
09:15Were you literally drawing these pictures on set?
09:17Yeah, so there was about a three-year period where I was just doodling myself.
09:21And then when we went to the publisher and they said yes,
09:24I then had about a year to do it, but they literally said yes
09:26the week I started Black Doves.
09:28So I was kind of doing the whole thing at the same time.
09:30And you still chose pigeons?
09:31I still chose pigeons.
09:32Yeah.
09:33Yes, I like pigeons, yes.
09:35Brothers and doves, sorry, that was good.
09:37Oh, should have done.
09:38But, you know, they're kind of similar.
09:39Yeah, aren't they?
09:40Yeah, aren't they?
09:41But also, I love the idea of this woman wandering off to draw
09:44lovely pictures of cats and flowers.
09:46I mean, it was literally that day was a pigeon day.
09:48Oh, wow.
09:49Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:50We're looking at a picture of Kira covered in blood.
09:52Yeah.
09:53Yeah, I think all of the other actors on set were a bit kind of going,
09:56what on earth is going on?
09:58I'm like, here's a lovely goldfish and here's a lovely note as I'm looking like that.
10:01It was a bit much.
10:02Well, writing, writing is in Kira Knightley's blood,
10:05because your mother was a very successful playwright and novelist.
10:08Yeah, she was.
10:09She was a successful playwright and scriptwriter.
10:11She also wrote a couple of novels.
10:13I'm not sure that they did that well.
10:15But they were, they did, they did make it.
10:17Wow, wow.
10:18Sorry, here's mother.
10:19Sorry, Mum.
10:20But she would say it herself, but they did make it to the school library.
10:23And one of them was the most taken out book in our school library,
10:27because it had a sexy bit in it.
10:28Oh, wow.
10:29So, and I didn't realise until I was like, wow, it's amazing how many people,
10:32and then suddenly I got to the sex scene and it was a sex scene
10:34written by my mother in the school library.
10:36Wow.
10:37Thank you very much.
10:38Well, talking of the library, we went to the library,
10:40and we found your mother's book.
10:41Oh.
10:42There you go.
10:43Is it?
10:44It's called Night Night.
10:45Night Night.
10:46There's your mum on the back.
10:47There she is.
10:48Yeah.
10:49Lovely.
10:50And you're not joking, like, it opens with...
10:51Is it a sex...
10:52Is it?
10:53Because I don't remember it.
10:54I don't know, would you call this a sex...
10:55Now, somebody didn't enjoy it overly, but...
10:57What is it?
11:00We don't know what it is.
11:02It's just a stain.
11:03It's a stain.
11:04It's a stain.
11:05There's a brown stain on the front, you know, behind.
11:10I wonder what AI would say.
11:13Yeah.
11:18But it begins...
11:20Yeah.
11:21This is...
11:22This is literally the first sentence of your mother's book.
11:24Oh, no.
11:25Yeah.
11:26In the middle of the ballroom, in the middle of the ball,
11:27Frances began to unbutton all the tiny pearls down the front
11:30of her Cinderella ball gown.
11:32Oh.
11:33Cinderella didn't have tits with milk in.
11:35She shouted to all the other guests.
11:37Oh, no!
11:38That's the first sentence.
11:39That would do it, wouldn't it?
11:40Yeah.
11:41Absolutely.
11:42Yeah.
11:43They loved it.
11:44LAUGHTER
11:45We'll be returning it to, where did I think Redbridge Library
11:48we got it from?
11:49OK, good.
11:50Yes.
11:51And maybe do something about that, I would say.
11:53Putting it back on the shelves.
11:55Yeah.
11:56Maybe, yeah.
11:57Tip-ex that bit out.
11:58Just a reminder that Keira's book, I Love You Just The Same,
12:02is out now.
12:04Now...
12:05CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
12:11Malala Yousafzai has a new memoir called Finding My Way,
12:16It Is Out Now, and this documents kind of the second half
12:20of your life, really, since you came to this country,
12:23is that right?
12:24Yeah, and this is my coming-of-age story,
12:27and these are the most personal reflections I have ever shared.
12:31This is about my time in school, in high school,
12:35when I was a lonely student, to then becoming
12:37a reckless college student, and navigating my way
12:42as a young woman.
12:43So I have shared a lot about my personal experiences,
12:46about belonging, friendships, love, mental health,
12:49and many other topics.
12:51And my hope is that when somebody reads this book,
12:54they know that they're not alone.
12:56So that's the message I want to spread.
12:58Yeah.
12:59APPLAUSE
13:04If you don't mind, I mean, because what happened to you,
13:06the murder attempt was sort of 15 years ago,
13:08so there might be some people who don't remember,
13:10who don't know.
13:11Can you briefly remind us of what happened
13:14and how you ended up in this country?
13:16Yeah, my life completely changed.
13:18When I was only 11 years old,
13:20extremists took over our hometown,
13:22and when they announced a ban on girls' education,
13:25that's when I started doing my activism,
13:27because I knew that I could not have a future
13:29without an education.
13:31Then they attempted to kill me.
13:33I survived that attempt.
13:35And my life took a whole different pathway after that,
13:38because I was moved to the UK for my treatment,
13:40I received surgeries here,
13:42and I started my high school here.
13:44And then, you know, I felt so lucky that I went to college
13:48and I completed my degree,
13:50and that was the moment when I felt that I had won,
13:53because the people who tried to silence me
13:55and stop me from learning failed,
13:57and I actually completed my education.
13:59But I have the same dream for all of you.
14:04Because, you know, in the book, you know,
14:06you leave hospital, you go to high school,
14:08but as you say, it was when you went to university,
14:10that's when you kind of, not reinvent yourself,
14:13but just kind of wanted to become, you know...
14:16A normal, a normal person, yes.
14:18And did you feel, because, you know, you were so famous
14:21and, you know, when you showed up at university,
14:24did you feel that everyone had an expectation
14:26of who Malala was going to be?
14:28100%, but I didn't want it to be that way,
14:30so that's why I remember when I was packing for university,
14:33I wanted to pack all the things
14:36that made me look like a normal college student,
14:39and I knew that if I wore my traditional shalwar kameez,
14:42the Pakistani traditional outfit, I would stand out,
14:44and then people would see me as the public figure Malala.
14:47So I wanted to wear, like, jeans and jumpers,
14:50anything that's just, like, basic and normal,
14:52so I went on Google, and I looked up, like,
14:56casual style 2017, and then I searched up
14:59Selena Gomez casual.
15:02Now, so you Google it.
15:04Yeah.
15:05So this is Selena Gomez here.
15:06Yes.
15:07And you sent us these pictures.
15:08Yes.
15:09And so that's Selena Gomez,
15:10and this is Malala channelling Selena.
15:12There she is.
15:13It's good.
15:14We've got another one here.
15:15This is... Now, when I saw that, I thought,
15:17Malala didn't wear that, did she?
15:18But she did.
15:19Went very zippy.
15:20Look at you.
15:21It flew.
15:22Yeah.
15:23Yeah.
15:24And when you were walking around Oxford,
15:29you know, were you very aware...
15:32Were the paparazzi, or were you getting a lot of attention?
15:35I was aware that there are people sort of following me around.
15:38You know, I wanted to be a normal student in college,
15:42but, of course, I knew that if...
15:44You know, like, some people are just looking for some excuse
15:46to create a whole controversy out of it,
15:49seeing me in a club or, you know, having fun with friends.
15:52But, yeah, then a whole controversy came out
15:54that was quite surprising to me.
15:57So I was out that day for rowing,
16:01and I was wearing skinny jeans and a bomber jacket
16:04and my headscarf.
16:05That's where I was.
16:06They were, yeah.
16:07I regret going for rowing that day, of course,
16:09because I had signed up for everything at college,
16:12and I said, oh, let's try rowing as well,
16:14because I want to be this active student.
16:16I want to make friends.
16:17I don't want those, like, lonely high school years.
16:19And I realised that for rowing,
16:21you have to be up at 5 a.m.,
16:23and you need to know how to swim,
16:25and I couldn't swim at the time.
16:29But then, walking back from there,
16:31somebody took a photo of me wearing skinny jeans,
16:33and I got this call from my parents telling me
16:36that they were really concerned
16:38because people are criticising me for wearing jeans,
16:41that this is not a traditional outfit
16:44and somehow I am shaming the country and the culture.
16:47But I told my parents that I'm not in college
16:49for some pilgrimage or some, you know,
16:52cultural representation.
16:53I'm here as a student.
16:54And I reminded my dad that when my brothers came into this country,
16:58they switched to the Western clothing right away.
17:02They wear jeans and tops, but nobody criticised them.
17:06It's only women and girls who are being criticised,
17:08so it's not fair.
17:09APPLAUSE
17:10Every time that anything like that happens, though,
17:14you just text them a photo of the Nobel Peace Prize.
17:17LAUGHTER
17:19Yes, as I was saying.
17:22Yeah, no comment needed.
17:24LAUGHTER
17:25But in terms of being scrutinised by, you know,
17:27the public and paparazzi,
17:28Keira Knightley, you had it, like,
17:30there was kind of a peak moment in your fame
17:32when the paparazzi just decided they were obsessed with you.
17:35Yeah.
17:36And you came up with a devious plan.
17:37Oh, yes.
17:38My devious plan was for about two years
17:39I wore exactly the same clothes every single day.
17:43Very good.
17:44I mean, actually, when I was...
17:45I had, like, about four stripy T-shirts
17:47and two pairs in the same jeans,
17:48so, you know, I did actually change my clothes,
17:50but every single time I went out it was a uniform
17:52and if they were following me I would just stop,
17:54so I wouldn't have anyone follow me.
17:56So I'd just stop and I'd stand there completely still
17:58and it would be hours and hours and hours.
18:01LAUGHTER
18:03But eventually I think I just freaked them out
18:04and they stopped following me.
18:05Wait a minute.
18:06If you stood there, would they just continue to take pictures of you?
18:08Yeah.
18:09For hours.
18:10Five hours one day.
18:11It was five hours stood on a thing like this
18:13and they...
18:14And they...
18:15And I honestly do think I freaked them out.
18:17They were like,
18:18I don't understand what's happening here.
18:20Imagine people walking past going,
18:21that statue of Keira Knightley's in a weird place, isn't it?
18:24LAUGHTER
18:25That statue there.
18:26Yeah, yeah.
18:27Yeah.
18:28Madame D'Souza's had a clear out.
18:29LAUGHTER
18:30I like that there's something so bloody-minded about it.
18:33I know, it was.
18:34It was a bit.
18:35And, you know, again, it was quite fun going,
18:37oh, this is what freaks you out.
18:38If you run away, that doesn't freak you out.
18:40But if you stand still and just stand there,
18:42completely freaks them out.
18:43Yeah.
18:44And now, the second half of Manala's book is a love story.
18:48Yes.
18:49So tell us about Aser.
18:51Yeah.
18:52Um, I met him through some friends in college
18:55and the moment I saw him, I knew he was a good-looking guy.
18:58There he is.
18:59Yes.
19:00Can I just ask Manala,
19:01how long does he spend doing his hair?
19:03That is some careful hair.
19:04Forever.
19:05LAUGHTER
19:06It's true, it's true.
19:07I mean, I'm like,
19:08why are you in the toilet for hours?
19:09Like, you know,
19:10how much gel do you need to put on your hair?
19:12LAUGHTER
19:14But, um...
19:15But you met him and you thought, hello.
19:16Yes.
19:17And the first experience was go-karting.
19:19And I had a mini crash at go-karting.
19:23And I, you know, made it into a big deal.
19:27He was beside me and I told him,
19:29I said, you don't understand.
19:30I think I had a concussion.
19:32LAUGHTER
19:33But he was trying to make me feel normal.
19:35He was being funny.
19:36He reminded me that I was driving at five miles per hour.
19:39LAUGHTER
19:41But we immediately connected.
19:43He has a good sense of humour.
19:44He laughed at my jokes, which is important.
19:47Yes.
19:48And how difficult is it to, you know, to date Malala?
19:52Because you have security with you all the time.
19:54Yeah, I took him to this movie, Toy Story 4,
19:57and I was like, relax, you know, we're together,
19:59enjoy the popcorn.
20:00And he said, there's, like, bodyguards behind me.
20:03LAUGHTER
20:04You want me to relax?
20:06So, yeah, I understood it from his point of view, of course,
20:09but I said, you know, just be yourself.
20:13Yeah.
20:14Forget about those men.
20:15Exactly.
20:16At any moment, just get rid of him.
20:19Oh, yes, they started looking after me.
20:22Yeah.
20:23Especially after, like, the Nobel Peace Prize, yeah.
20:25Wow.
20:26Wow.
20:27And they, is that kind of forever in your head?
20:29Do you kind of think that's it now?
20:30I've just got security?
20:31So far, yes.
20:32Yeah.
20:33Wow.
20:34And I don't want to spoil the ending of the book,
20:36but you are a married lady now.
20:37Yes.
20:38And I've suddenly been struck by a question,
20:40what star sign is Asa?
20:42He's a Virgo.
20:43Is that a good one?
20:44Very good.
20:45Yeah.
20:46Very good.
20:47Okay.
20:48But he was a premature baby,
20:50and he was supposed to be a Scorpio.
20:52Oh.
20:53But both would have worked for you.
20:54Yeah, I think it's maybe like a bit of a mix.
20:56He has traces of a Scorpio.
20:58Okay.
20:59That's good.
21:00That'll keep you on your toes.
21:02Yeah.
21:03Amy Lou Wood has spoken.
21:05Yeah.
21:06And Chris, you're married to a Brazilian woman.
21:09Yeah.
21:10And now you decided...
21:12You decided to be quite a big romantic gesture,
21:15I think quite early on.
21:17Well, I was never good at languages as a kid in school,
21:20and obviously, you know,
21:21she speaks Portuguese with her family and stuff,
21:23so I thought, well, I'm an adult now.
21:25I want to learn her language and kind of, you know,
21:28be part of that culture, really.
21:30And I thought, well, I can just speak it with her
21:32when she's at home as well,
21:33and I'll learn really fast and it'll progress.
21:36So, two months in, I'm learning the language
21:38and she's coming home from work,
21:40and in the end, she said, please stop.
21:44She said, I can't handle this.
21:45I'm at work all day.
21:46I'm coming home.
21:47She said, it's like speaking to a toddler.
21:49LAUGHTER
21:50Cos I was like...
21:51She'd come home and was like,
21:52Today is Wednesday!
21:54LAUGHTER
21:55I have fought a hat!
21:57LAUGHTER
21:59I am a businessman from Sao Paulo!
22:02LAUGHTER
22:04APPLAUSE
22:06And, you know, Malala, this book,
22:10a lot of it's about you adapting to Western society,
22:13but it's also a story about your parents.
22:15Yes.
22:16And how they've adapted and changed a lot.
22:19Yeah, my mum especially.
22:21She was very new to the UK culture.
22:23She couldn't speak English initially,
22:25so she had to adjust to everything.
22:28But my mum was also, you know, very strict.
22:31She wanted me to be strict to the Pakistani traditional culture.
22:35And so we...
22:38So when I met Prince Harry,
22:42we were taking a photo together.
22:44So he put his, like, arm around my shoulder,
22:46if you don't mind, like this.
22:48And my mum goes off to him and she says,
22:51Remove!
22:52Like...
22:53LAUGHTER
22:54She just, like, shoves off his hand.
22:56And a bit of a background to this.
22:58So, you know, for my mum, it was always a concern
23:01that her daughter is safe,
23:03because in patriarchal cultures, you know,
23:06girls are not allowed to be outside their homes
23:09or, like, to see another guy or...
23:11So she was just always worried.
23:13She said, I'm not ready to, like, receive another backlash
23:16and, you know, see another controversy happening.
23:18And then there was another moment
23:20where I took a picture with David Beckham.
23:22And again, we were, like, you know, standing sort of close together.
23:25And again, my parents were, like, freaking out,
23:27because they were receiving calls from our conservative relatives
23:31that, you know, why is Malala standing next to a man?
23:34And I said, firstly, I'm 17.
23:36Secondly, that's David Beckham.
23:38LAUGHTER
23:40So...
23:42But my mum and I, like, we are becoming more of friends now.
23:47And she...
23:49You know, she's...
23:50Now, like, I just like watching her focus on herself.
23:55She's learning English.
23:56She loves shopping.
23:57I mean, she's...
23:58She's at John Lewis more than at home.
24:00LAUGHTER
24:02And, yeah, she loves Pilates.
24:03So she's exploring these new things.
24:05So I'm very happy for her.
24:06And we should say that, of course,
24:08your work continues with the Malala Fund,
24:10and you're building schools...
24:12Yes.
24:13..and you're getting your message out there still.
24:15Yeah, we work in a lot of countries, including Afghanistan,
24:18where education is banned for girls.
24:20We are supporting online learning and underground schools.
24:23And we're also working in Pakistan, of course.
24:25We have invested more than $15 million in education activists.
24:31And we built a school there in my parents' village.
24:34And there was no high school for girls there.
24:37So we wanted to make a difference in our community.
24:40And I met the first class of girls who graduated this year
24:44from that school.
24:45And it was amazing that their lives have changed completely.
24:48Wow.
24:49It's an amazing story.
24:51And Malala's book is called Finding My Way.
24:54Malala Yousafzai, everybody.
24:56Thank you so much.
24:58And now, Amy-Lou Wood, you bring us the second season
25:04of the hit sitcom Daddy Issues.
25:07So BBC One, BBC Three and BBC iPlayer in November.
25:10So, first season, it was a big hit.
25:13Yes, I'm just finding it funny that that's what's following that.
25:16I know.
25:17And I did it, I felt sorry for you.
25:20I felt sorry for you.
25:21No, I was just in such a deep moment of contemplation
25:24about your amazingness.
25:25And then it was like, yes, this, this thing.
25:28It's more amazing that everything Malala just said
25:31followed Cinderella's tits are not full of you.
25:34Oh, yeah, yeah.
25:35That's true as well.
25:36I wasn't going to dwell on that, Chris.
25:39It's a broad, it's a broad, it's a broad church.
25:44Exactly.
25:45All human life is here.
25:46Yes.
25:47Daddy Issues.
25:48Yes.
25:49Daddy Issues.
25:50It's important, Amy-Lou Wood.
25:51It is very important.
25:52It matters.
25:53So, first season, Gemma, obviously, with...
25:57She's pregnant.
25:58Yes.
25:59But now, the baby's happened.
26:01So what's going on in Gemma's life?
26:02Baby's happened.
26:03I love that.
26:04Yes, the baby's happened and she's feeling quite lost,
26:08quite unanchored.
26:09She doesn't really know what her new identity is.
26:13She feels an amazing amount of gain from baby Sadie,
26:16but also loss of her old life.
26:19And she's missing her dad.
26:20Because her dad's moved out of the flat,
26:22because her mum's moved in and her dad's terrified of her mum.
26:25So, we kind of meet her when she's trying to get her dad back
26:29and get her mum out.
26:31And would you say her dad, played by the amazing David Morrissey?
26:33David Morrissey.
26:34Yes.
26:35He's so brilliant.
26:36And it's actually bad how funny he is.
26:39It's bad.
26:40We can't get through the day.
26:42When I can get through a day without ruining a million takes,
26:46people actually come and say well done to me.
26:48The crew come up and go,
26:50you owned the corpse like six times today.
26:52Well done.
26:53It's just so much fun.
26:54And, of course, it's filmed in your hometown, Stockport.
26:57Yes.
26:58Yes.
26:59It's lovely.
27:00Yeah.
27:01I didn't say anything.
27:03I know.
27:04I know.
27:05I don't know why.
27:06I'm always like, Stockport jokes coming.
27:07No.
27:08Do you actually film it there or is it just set there?
27:10No, we film it there.
27:11And it's really fun.
27:12The first season, I have people coming over going like,
27:14I know your auntie.
27:15You know, it's like, it's very cosy and nice,
27:18but also we get a lot of hecklers.
27:20Whenever we film on a certain street in Stockport,
27:23it's like, what's it going to be today?
27:25So it's fun.
27:27It's like a Greek chorus.
27:29Constantly in the background.
27:31We've got a clip.
27:32This is you as Gemma sort of getting back out there
27:34after the birth of your baby.
27:36Yeah.
27:37Wow.
27:38Really apt.
27:39I know.
27:40It's like Keira's mother would love that scene.
27:44She would love it.
27:45It's like she wrote it.
27:46I mean, it is.
27:47It's in the stars.
27:48It's in the stars.
27:49It's written in the stars.
27:50It's in the stars.
27:51It's written in the stars.
27:52It's in the stars.
27:53Keira Knightley, you have a personal connection with Daddy Issues.
27:56My husband does the music.
27:57He does!
27:58Yeah, so I've actually seen it all and it's really good.
28:01Oh, good, cos I haven't seen him.
28:03No, I live with your face in my house, cos he works from the house,
28:06so I've literally, I've seen it all.
28:07It's great.
28:08Wow.
28:09And the music's really good.
28:10The music's really good.
28:11The music's really good.
28:12Yeah.
28:13Do you choose not to watch it, Amy?
28:14No, I've seen the first one.
28:15Oh, yeah.
28:16But I haven't, sorry, I don't know why I screamed.
28:20I've seen the first one.
28:22Yeah.
28:23But I haven't seen the second yet.
28:24OK.
28:25Not out of choice.
28:26I've just not been sent it.
28:27Oh.
28:28Keira, you can film it.
28:29I have seen the second.
28:30It's great.
28:31I've seen it.
28:32It's been sent it to me.
28:33Why can't I see it?
28:34I really feel like you should be able to see it.
28:36Yes.
28:37I'll ask for it.
28:38Yeah.
28:39And Arla, should we go and have a drink?
28:43And, Amy, here you are, back on the BBC.
28:46And you're probably very sick about talking about The White Lotus,
28:51but that show, The White Lotus...
28:52What?
28:53Which show?
28:54No, we did all love it.
28:55But, like, the attention that that show brought you...
28:58Yes.
28:59Has it kind of changed your life?
29:00Yes.
29:01Yeah.
29:02Yes.
29:03Cos, like, there's movies happening now and all sorts.
29:04Yeah.
29:05Yeah, it's very intense.
29:06It's very intense.
29:07It is...
29:08People kept saying, your life's going to change,
29:09your life's going to change.
29:10And I was kind of going, but I don't want it to.
29:13I just want to play this part.
29:14But then...
29:15And I kind of thought everyone was being dramatic,
29:18and then I realised they weren't being dramatic.
29:20It's a big, you know...
29:22I was going to go and get coffee on my street
29:24that no-one knows where I live,
29:25and then all of a sudden I'm being filmed.
29:27It was just that stuff.
29:28So, are you getting the Kira thing of people...
29:30Yeah, and I've just thought, that's what I need to do.
29:32I just need to stand still.
29:34You won't get your coffee, which is annoying.
29:36No, but I...
29:37Yeah.
29:38But they could just replace the coffee in my hand.
29:39Oh, there you go, yeah.
29:40Yeah.
29:41Yeah.
29:42Yeah.
29:43But here's the thing.
29:44There were lots of fan theories about, you know,
29:46because we knew something bad was going to happen.
29:47Yes.
29:48There were lots of fan theories about what might have happened.
29:50Yeah.
29:51Somebody worked it out.
29:52I did.
29:53You did.
29:54OK, I've got a thing where I always guess
29:55what's going to happen in a TV show,
29:57and it causes big problems between me and my husband.
29:59Of course.
30:00Because quite often I write,
30:01and then I ruin the whole thing for him.
30:03So now I have to write it down on a piece of paper
30:05and hide it somewhere.
30:06Woo!
30:07So when I think about it, I write it down
30:08and then it's hidden in a book.
30:09And then at the end of it, if I'm right,
30:11if I'm wrong, I just forget about it.
30:12But if I'm right, I go, look!
30:14I got it!
30:15And I was right.
30:16I killed you off.
30:17Before you got killed off, I was like,
30:19she's gone.
30:20She's too nice.
30:21She's gone.
30:22Well done.
30:23Yeah, thank you.
30:24But didn't you guess who did the shooting?
30:26No, I didn't guess who did the shooting,
30:28but I guessed the dad thing.
30:29I guessed that he was the dad of the other guy.
30:32Wow.
30:33And I guessed that early on too.
30:34I was like, please.
30:35Because I know Malala,
30:36you watched White Lotus as well, didn't you?
30:37Yes, but I didn't guess anything.
30:38It was all a terrible surprise.
30:41It was all a terrible surprise.
30:42It's fine.
30:43And, Amy, you also had an impact on Malala,
30:47because at one of your first jobs,
30:49I think you binge-watched.
30:50I know.
30:51Sex Education.
30:52And I...
30:53Yeah.
30:54And I watched it.
30:55Oh, very cool!
30:56Oh, very cool!
30:57Yeah.
30:58But...
30:59It sounds different when you say it, Malala.
31:01I know.
31:02Because I truly watched it as an educational show.
31:05I actually learnt a lot.
31:06Like, honestly.
31:07I'm glad to have been of service.
31:08Yeah.
31:09Yeah.
31:10That's so cool.
31:11Was that your first ever screen job?
31:14It was, yes.
31:15Yes.
31:16Which was quite daunting, I imagine,
31:18because to be straight out of drama school and...
31:20Yeah.
31:21Yeah, it was very daunting.
31:22And we all kept being like,
31:23it's just going to go under the radar.
31:24Mm-hm.
31:25And we're just happy with that.
31:26It's going to be under the radar.
31:27And then it wasn't under the radar.
31:28No.
31:29Yeah.
31:30But you won a BAFTA for it.
31:31Yes.
31:32There you go.
31:33Yeah.
31:34Yeah.
31:35Yeah.
31:36And probably, you know, filming these things,
31:39it did look fabulous.
31:40You know, you were staying in a fabulous hotel.
31:42You just did the women in Cabin 10.
31:44Cabin 10.
31:45How expensive was that superyacht you were filming on?
31:47It was something like 160 million for the superyacht.
31:49Wow.
31:50If you've got that in spare change,
31:51you can buy that superyacht.
31:52Wow.
31:53And was it fabulous?
31:54No, I was really excited because I was like,
31:55oh, I never get to, you know, film anywhere glamorous.
31:57And now it's a superyacht and there'll be champagne.
31:59It'll be gorgeous.
32:00And instead, it was like, we were crammed together.
32:02We weren't allowed to touch anything.
32:03You weren't allowed to sit on anything because it was too expensive.
32:06You weren't allowed to walk on the carpets because they were too expensive.
32:08So we were all sort of like that.
32:09We weren't allowed to drink anything.
32:11It was, um, and there was a woman whose job it was to fluff up the carpets.
32:16So she was a carpet fluffer, one might say.
32:18Wow.
32:19And if you put your toe on it,
32:20then you got hit on the back of your leg to get off the carpet to...
32:24I had such hatred over this piece of carpet.
32:27It was quite extraordinary.
32:28But, um, it was always fluffed.
32:30Wow.
32:31That's her job.
32:32I mean, I think she was chairs as well.
32:34So the chairs...
32:36But it appeared a lot of carpet fluffing.
32:39We all know what a fluffer is traditionally.
32:41Yeah.
32:42If you get hired as a fluffer and then you realise
32:44you've only got to do the carpet, you'll be made up.
32:46LAUGHTER
32:49We're not explaining, Malala.
32:51LAUGHTER
32:52Do you know what a fluffer is?
32:54No, just leave it!
32:55What's a fluffer?
32:56Oh, OK.
32:57Remember the star sign said it was going to go well?
32:59Yeah, yeah, yeah.
33:00It's going to go well.
33:01Leave it.
33:02OK.
33:03Thanks, darling.
33:04I think the Gemini's being too chatty.
33:06LAUGHTER
33:07Just a quick reminder, AV's latest show, Daddy Issues,
33:11kicks off on the BBC next month.
33:12OK.
33:13APPLAUSE
33:14We turn to Chris McCausland.
33:16His autobiography is called Keep Laughing.
33:18It is also out now.
33:19And I'm struck, you know, you are a young man, Chris.
33:21So, a life story, a memoir, why did you decide to do it now?
33:36I mean, Penguin asked me if I wanted to do it towards the end
33:39of last year and then they, a stroke of genius on there,
33:42they put it on sale on a pre-order before I'd started writing
33:46anything of it.
33:47LAUGHTER
33:48And there is...
33:49There is...
33:50I mean, I'm a procrastinator at the best of times.
33:51There is nothing like a book being on sale that doesn't exist
33:54to make you write a book.
33:55LAUGHTER
33:57Yeah.
33:58That would motivate you.
33:59Oh, do you know, I'm 48 and, like, you can write a book
34:02at any...
34:03It depends what it's about, doesn't it?
34:04But, you know, there's kind of three parts to it, really,
34:07I suppose.
34:08And, you know, losing me sight for 25 years, becoming a comedian
34:13and getting to do telly.
34:15And then, obviously, Strictly, really, which felt like a really
34:19kind of positive, good end for that kind of part of the story.
34:23Yeah.
34:24And I heard you talking and you thought that writing that
34:27first 25 years was going to be the difficult bit,
34:29describing your sight getting worse.
34:32Yeah, well, I mean, talking about, like, being a kid
34:34and losing me sight and stuff, and I was like,
34:37well, who's want to read this?
34:38This is...
34:39And also, I'm a bloke from Liverpool who grew up in Liverpool
34:41in the 80s, I'm quite close, I dig a hole, I bury things in
34:44and I put a front on for people to see, you know.
34:47And once you've kind of cried on the telly in front of
34:5010 million people, you feel a lot more open about things.
34:53LAUGHTER
34:54And so I thought that would be the hardest bit to write,
34:57cos I know what I'm like and...
34:59But it actually ended up being, like, the most...
35:02..what I thought was the most kind of interesting and original part.
35:06And then when you get to the stuff about being a comedian,
35:09which I thought would be the stuff that was easiest,
35:11because it's what I do and it's what I love,
35:14and you can be really funny about being a comedian and stuff,
35:17you kind of get to that bit and you go,
35:19this is the bit every comedian's got in their book.
35:21So this is actually...
35:22It's harder to make this bit from an original perspective,
35:25if you know what I mean, compared to the whole first bit,
35:28which is really just, you know, my own story
35:30that no-one else has, really.
35:32Well, as you say, the book has a fabulous conclusion
35:34with your triumph on Strictly.
35:37And Strictly, that is something you are justifiably
35:40really proud of, aren't you?
35:41Yeah, I mean, it's mad, you know, cos it wasn't on my radar
35:46and I knew nothing about it and it was...
35:48But it's the most proud of anything I've ever been, you know,
35:50and it's everything I've ever done in comedy,
35:54apart from that very first gig, which was a dare to give it a go,
35:57but everything else has been incremental.
35:59It's always...
36:00You know, last time I was on, Graeme,
36:02I was talking about making a Christmas film with Lee.
36:04I'd never done a... With Lee Mack, I'd never done a film before,
36:07but it's still within my wheelhouse.
36:09It's expanding your comedy chops, you know?
36:11Yeah.
36:12And doing something that's very much within
36:14what your job and your skill set is,
36:16whereas this was so far out of my comfort zone.
36:19It was such an unknown.
36:21And it was so intensive and consuming and terrifying,
36:24the most terrifying thing I've ever done in my life.
36:27And for us to kind of maintain it for four months
36:30and for it to connect with people the way that it did,
36:32it's... Honestly, I couldn't be prouder of it, you know?
36:36So, yeah.
36:37It feels like a good work there.
36:38Absolutely.
36:39APPLAUSE
36:41And very quickly, this was a story you tell.
36:45You used to do material about your daughter.
36:48How old were you when this happened?
36:49Was she two or something?
36:50So, the first kind of break I had on mainstream telly
36:53was live at the Apollo, and I had this bit of material
36:56about my daughter being a baby and her doing a poo in the bath.
36:59And she kind of noticed it floating past her.
37:03And she handed it to me and asked me what it...
37:06LAUGHTER
37:07She said, what's that, Daddy?
37:08And I had to sniff it to find out.
37:10LAUGHTER
37:11Oh, my God!
37:12Oh, my God!
37:13And the joke was kind of...
37:15I kind of...
37:16I told the story, but I kind of put myself into her head
37:18as if she knew what she was doing.
37:20Like, you know, just saying to her little toy penguin,
37:22watch this, Mr Penguin.
37:23I'm going to ask him with his ice cream or whatever.
37:26LAUGHTER
37:27I did this bit of material.
37:28It's the only bit of my stand-up my daughter saw,
37:30like, for years of mine when she was older,
37:33and she thought that's all I did for a living.
37:35She just thought I went out and I told rooms full of people
37:37that she shit in the bath.
37:38LAUGHTER
37:40And then when she kind of...
37:42She learnt that, like, obviously I went out,
37:44and that's how I earned money,
37:46and I paid for, like, you know, food and everything,
37:49and all because I went out and I told this story.
37:52And she was like, God, thank God I did that shit in the bath.
37:54We'd have nothing...
37:57She said to me, and she must have been about ten at this point,
38:01and she said to me...
38:02I said I was going out to do a gig in London,
38:05and she said, can I come, Daddy?
38:06I said, no.
38:07She said, when can I come?
38:08I said, when you're 18, yeah?
38:09And then she said, and you can be on stage,
38:11and you can tell everybody that I did a poo in the bath,
38:13and then at the end, I can come on and go,
38:15hey, everybody, it was me!
38:17LAUGHTER
38:19I said, you're not going to feel like that when you're 18, sweetheart.
38:24LAUGHTER
38:26Very good.
38:28APPLAUSE
38:29OK, it's time for music.
38:32This Grammy-winning British band has had three number one albums
38:35and headlined Glastonbury, and are joined tonight
38:37by an Irish superstar, collaborating for the first time
38:40on their new single, Rubber Band Man.
38:42It is Mumford & Sons with Hosier!
38:44Mumford & Sons with Hosier!
38:46Beautiful job.
38:47I think Marcus and Hosier are coming over to see us.
38:51Come on over, there you go.
38:54APPLAUSE
38:57Hi, Marcus.
38:58Oh, really nice to see you again.
39:01That's Chris McCrosley.
39:03Oh, I know Hosier can be in.
39:05Amy LaGuard, Mamala, Kira.
39:08That's Marcus and Hosier.
39:11There you go.
39:13Lovely.
39:14Thank you so much for that performance.
39:15What a gorgeous, gorgeous thing.
39:16And star signs?
39:17Star signs.
39:18And Pisces.
39:19Oh, yes.
39:20Yes, I thought so.
39:21Really, my boyfriend thought you were a Pisces.
39:22OK.
39:23Yeah.
39:24What does that mean he's going to sing a song?
39:25Oh, yeah, they are the Dreamers.
39:26Oh, OK.
39:27They're the Dreamers.
39:28Marcus, what are you?
39:29Uh, Aquarius.
39:30Same.
39:31What does that mean?
39:32Weird.
39:33Cool.
39:34It's really worked out so far.
39:35Yeah.
39:36And I have to say, that rubber band man is off this just announced album,
39:40prize prize.
39:41Oh, yes.
39:42Oh, yes.
39:43Yes, I thought so.
39:44Really, my boyfriend thought you were a Pisces.
39:45OK.
39:46What does that mean he's going to sing a song?
39:47Oh, yeah.
39:48They are the Dreamers.
39:49They are the Dreamers.
39:50Oh, OK.
39:51They are the Dreamers.
39:52They are the Dreamers.
39:53Oh, OK.
39:54They are the Dreamers.
39:55Marcus, what are you?
39:56Aquarius.
39:57Same.
39:58I haven't seen that yet.
39:59There you go.
40:00That looks wicked.
40:01Yeah, that's how new it is.
40:02So, how did it happen?
40:04How did the two of you get together, the band and you get together?
40:07Yeah.
40:08It was our first collaboration on record.
40:09We've known each other for a long time.
40:11Mm-hm.
40:12We've collaborated live a number of times.
40:13Oh.
40:14Friends for a long time.
40:15Mm-hm.
40:16And then we sent Andrew a bunch of demos for this new record we were working on.
40:21Yeah.
40:22And you listened and...
40:23Yeah.
40:24Gave some notes.
40:25No, I sent the entire album, in fact, which was like...
40:27I think that's so rare when you do a collab like this and to be given the whole body of work.
40:32And I think you just said just listen through and if there's something that connects that you connect with as well, if there's a song that you love.
40:38And so it was a real treat I got to listen through.
40:40And why this song?
40:41I just love the...
40:43I think the lyrics are stunning.
40:44I didn't even know where the...
40:46Oh, yeah.
40:47So there's a weird story behind the lyrics of this song.
40:49It's quite weird.
40:50Tell us the story.
40:51It's very Aquarius, actually.
40:52Oh, yeah.
40:53I think I get that.
40:54I guess.
40:56Brandi Carlile, who's a mutual friend of ours.
40:58Love Brandi Carlile.
40:59Who we love.
41:00I think she had a dream about me in a non-weird way.
41:05And wrote me a text message with a bunch of lyrics, which became the verse for Rubber Bandman.
41:12She's like...
41:13She's like a sister to many of us.
41:15Yeah.
41:16And sort of like a soothsayer as well.
41:18And she had these words that she felt were for me.
41:21And it was the verse lyrics for Rubber Bandman.
41:23So I turned it into a song.
41:24Wow.
41:25Yeah.
41:26And a very nice time for Hosea because you've just finished a very long tour.
41:30Yes.
41:31Yeah.
41:32I've been out of a suitcase just about three years, maybe just over three years.
41:35Yeah.
41:36So I'm winding down and the guys are getting ready for a hurricane.
41:39It's very sweet of him to be up for this.
41:41Yeah, but no, it's a nice...
41:42It's like...
41:43It's supposed to be on your holidays.
41:44Delighted.
41:45It's just a nice little thing to do.
41:46And as you say, Marcus, you're touring this year and it goes right into next year.
41:49Yeah.
41:50It's no three-year tour though, is it?
41:52Well, not yet.
41:53Yeah.
41:54Oh, yeah, you're getting there.
41:56Listen, we've loved having you on the show.
41:58Thank you so much for that performance.
42:00And good luck with the collaboration and the new album.
42:02Very good.
42:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
42:06Right.
42:07That is nearly it.
42:09Before we go.
42:10Just time for a quick visit to the big red chair.
42:13Who do we have?
42:14Hello.
42:15Hello.
42:16Hi, what's your name?
42:17I'm Jennifer.
42:18Jennifer, lovely.
42:19Where are you from, Jennifer?
42:20Central New York State.
42:21OK.
42:22Central New York State.
42:23Very specific.
42:24I like it.
42:25Do you live there still or live here?
42:27No.
42:28No, I live there.
42:29Oh, right.
42:30So you're just on holiday?
42:31Yeah, we just arrived this morning.
42:32Oh, my goodness.
42:33Wow.
42:34How long are you staying for?
42:35A week.
42:36OK.
42:37Touring around or just in London?
42:38No, we're going to tour around a little bit.
42:40OK.
42:41Now, where are you heading?
42:42From here, we're going to head up to the Cotswolds for a few days.
42:44What a lovely idea.
42:45Now, off you go with your story.
42:51OK.
42:52So I'm a veterinarian.
42:54And one day, this guy brings his dog in to see me because he's been vomiting.
42:58The dog's been vomiting.
42:59And I do some diagnostics.
43:00And I ascertain that this dog has something stuck in his small intestine and needs surgery.
43:05So I take the dog to surgery, remove what it is that's blocking him.
43:10And the next day, I'm getting the dog ready to go home.
43:12The wife comes in to pick him up.
43:14And I give the dog, the owner, what I took out of the dog's intestines, which was a pair
43:20of women's panties.
43:22And they're not minivan panties.
43:24They are Lamborghini panties.
43:27And so I give her these panties in the plastic bag.
43:30And I said, this is what you paid for, essentially.
43:33And she looked at them and she said, these aren't my underwear.
43:37Great story.
43:40There you go.
43:41You can walk.
43:42I can walk.
43:43I'm not even done.
43:44I can walk.
43:45Oh, is there more to it?
43:46Oh, there's more.
43:47Oh, let's go with the more.
43:48Yes.
43:49So it's me, the dog, and this homicidal woman.
43:52And I look at the dog and I'm thinking, buddy, I don't know who's going to get you in
43:56the divorce, but you ain't no man's best friend right now.
44:01You can walk.
44:02You can walk.
44:03Go, go, go, go.
44:04Yes, very good.
44:05Lovely.
44:06And that's really all we've got time for.
44:09You don't have to go in the red show yourself and tell your story.
44:12You can contact us via our website.
44:13This is the very address.
44:14And please say thank you to all of our guests.
44:16Mumford has hunted hoes here.
44:19Chris McCausland.
44:22Amy Le Wood.
44:26Malala Yousafzai.
44:29And Keira Knightley.
44:32Join me next week with pop superstar Ed Sheeran.
44:35Comedian Jack Whitehall.
44:36Salt Burnt star Rosamund Pike.
44:38And Hollywood leading man Glenn Powell.
44:41I'll see you then.
44:42Good night, everybody.
44:43Bye-bye.
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