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  • 2 weeks ago
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00:00we got all the slime in the world so where's our slime monster
00:09vampire
00:16vampires maybe it's the downtown express sounds like a lair
00:30and there is your slime monster
00:56time for seconds breakfast for dinner i guess for the side of vamp over easy
01:04not so easy for the vamp oh gross eddie it's hard to know who to root for in these parasite
01:13versus parasite situations
01:14a demonically possessed symbiote
01:20with the vampire's bloodlust
01:23not good
01:24a lot eddie don't do this
01:26they are definitely doing this
01:29demon energy from every pore
01:45don't lose it pal either of you
01:47he is lost
01:53one mercy remains
01:55ah yes
01:59the elimination of one tormented soul for the good of many
02:04oh but humans do love a moral dilemma
02:14the umami of an otherwise flavorless existence
02:18mephisto
02:19gesundheit
02:21uh nice mullet
02:23go to hell
02:26there's nowhere i would rather be
02:29but i've come on business
02:30so let's make a deal
02:32is this one of those fiddle at the crossroads scenarios or
02:36no deal
02:37my terms are as follows
02:39i spare venom
02:41i cure the symbiote of lilith's demonic touch
02:44i end the blood fever he's given himself
02:47gorging on curdled vampire bile
02:50i reach a little thinking of it
02:53i said
02:54no deal
02:56all this
02:57and i ask but one inconsequential thing in return
03:01stop the vampire uprising
03:05the undead are bad for business
03:08so you cure eddie and we keep doing what we've been doing
03:12yes
03:13wipe them out
03:15remove every trace of their foul scourge from the earth
03:18then i will cure this pathetic creature
03:22for it
03:23for the last time
03:26no
03:26hold up
03:28give me the fine print
03:29nothing much
03:31the usual
03:32if you should fail you'll discover something far more threatening than the undead
03:36namely all struly etc etc immortal soul yada yada
03:39this is a bad idea
03:42this or he dies
03:44we don't have much of a choice
03:47i'm in
03:48good
03:50just sign there
03:52and there
03:53you may feel a little stinky
03:57food
04:09bad food
04:11we will destroy you
04:14bad food
04:16go get him ed
04:18we should follow
04:19you do have a vampire war to wage
04:22oh and peter
04:24i'll see you around
04:26how did he know my
04:28what time
04:29huh
04:29huh
04:29huh
04:34Oh, my God.
05:04Is that... Eddie?
05:16Well, this is awkward.
05:18You are the man in the monster?
05:23Something like that.
05:24So, you okay, Eddie?
05:27Blonde!
05:29It's kidding. Little joke.
05:31I come in peace.
05:34For once.
05:35Really? New kids gotta get in on this, too?
05:38Hey, by the way, you're killing it out there. Respect.
05:40Thank you. Not my first vampire war.
05:44Eddie, are you... yourself again?
05:47Well, you mean, are we... ourselves?
05:51Yeah, Lilith.
05:52She made us a monster.
05:55We did awful things.
05:57You know that's not who we are, right?
05:59Of course.
06:00So I'm sitting here.
06:02Well, in there.
06:04Thinking.
06:04I saw what you did for me.
06:09So, how about we put aside all our, you know, personal stuff?
06:15Okay.
06:17No, not forever.
06:18Just until this whole messed up vampire situation is figured out.
06:22Until all the innocent people are safe.
06:24I mean, that would make sense, wouldn't it?
06:29Yeah.
06:30I don't know.
06:32Works for me.
06:34Shake on.
06:35Oh.
06:36Wait a sec.
06:39Put her there, partner.
06:43I'm there, partner.
06:46Welcome to the Midnight Suns.
06:49What are you doing?
06:57I think I'm getting the hang of this thing.
07:00Uh, what do three squiggly lines mean?
07:02It means you should step away before Sarah notices.
07:06Okay.
07:07So the squiggly lines just flashed red.
07:09Is that bad?
07:10Yes, actually.
07:11What is going on?
07:16Vampires.
07:17Attacking civilians in Central Park?
07:19That means we're up, right?
07:21Innocents are in danger.
07:23We gotta take care of this right now.
07:25Eddie, I agree completely.
07:27Well, first time I've heard that in years.
07:29Come on, let's do some lethal protection.
07:44What?
07:45What's happening?
07:46Help!
07:47Run for it!
07:49Run for it!
07:49Help!
07:50Help!
07:51Help!
07:51Help!
07:52Help!
07:52Help!
07:57You're welcome.
07:59You're welcome.
08:00Mephisto!
08:01What are you...
08:02Mephisto!
08:05What are you...
08:06That's better.
08:07Now, let's get a few things straight.
08:13Well, perhaps one may choose to save the odd civilian.
08:26Contractually, in the fight to end the vampire scourge, the spirit of the intended agreement...
08:27Come again!
08:28I did not waste my time curing you so you could save superfluous human lives.
08:33Yeah, still boring.
08:34Do I have your attention now?
08:35No.
08:36No.
08:37No.
08:38No.
08:39We all know what you really are.
08:40A monster.
08:41The only version of you that remotely interests me.
08:42And the only reason I allowed this deal.
08:43Stop doing it!
08:44No.
08:45No.
08:46No.
08:47No.
08:48No.
08:49No, no.
08:50There's a paradox.
08:51Ah, I'm sorry.
08:52No, you jelly.
08:53No, no...
08:54No, I'm sorry.
08:56This guy sucks.
08:57It's good.
08:58Yes.
08:59But, oh, I'm sorry.
09:01I'm sorry.
09:03Yes.
09:04He's on down here.
09:05No.
09:06No.
09:07No.
09:08No, no.
09:09No, no.
09:10They're being a monster.
09:11No, no...
09:12No.
09:13Oh, I'm sorry.
09:15But you've earned an object lesson.
09:17Vampires are bad.
09:19No business.
09:21Vampires keep souls from flowing to where they're most needed.
09:25And with less souls, there are more soulless.
09:29Do you understand the lesson?
09:31Because it's time for some target practice.
09:35Mmm, so many targets.
09:39I just see two of them.
09:43Acceptable outcome.
10:01You've earned some small measure of my respect.
10:05And I hope learned your lesson.
10:07The lesson is...
10:09We do not like being the target.
10:11Of course you don't.
10:13And that burning in your chest.
10:15That would be...
10:17Ugh, indigestion.
10:19That would be regret.
10:21The most overused human seasoning.
10:23Seasoned humans are delicious.
10:25Would you...
10:27Enough!
10:29If you want this so much, stop posturing and tell us where to go.
10:33Find what you seek, where it all began.
10:35Now...
10:37Eradicate the vampire threat.
10:39Or join me in limbo forever.
10:41You do not dare!
10:43Right off you go.
10:45Right off you go.
10:47I don't know why I bother.
10:49I don't know why I bother.
10:51What's going on, Ed?
10:53You got to thinking.
10:55Mephisto said I would find what I seek where it all began.
10:59God be here, right?
11:00I guess this church is the place where I'll be living.
11:04I don't know why I wrote too much.
11:05I don't want to tell you if it wasρο 알고.
11:07Do you want to send you gongmak
11:10What's going on, Ed?
11:18Got to thinking.
11:20Mephisto said I would find what I seek where it all began.
11:24God be here, right?
11:27I guess this church is the place where I lose things, and you find them.
11:32Any luck?
11:34A whole lot of nothing.
11:36What's eating at you?
11:37I caused a mountain to hurt.
11:40In the name of some freaky demon lady?
11:44Lilith.
11:45She controlled you, Eddie.
11:47She didn't do all this.
11:50I did.
11:51Look around.
11:52I'm never going to clean this mess up.
11:54Never going to make any of this right.
11:57You don't know that.
12:00You know me.
12:02I screw everything up.
12:05Maybe I deserve this curse.
12:07My Aunt May says the easiest way to let the darkness win is to do nothing.
12:16Yeah, well, I don't have an Aunt May.
12:18All I get is this.
12:20Whole lot of...
12:21Watching someone else get to be the good guy.
12:24Must be nice.
12:25You okay, Parker?
12:30I gotta say, something's setting my Spidey-sense off.
12:33I'm kinda jacked up to maximum overdrive here.
12:36It's all about boundaries, Parker.
12:38Gotta put that thing on mute sometimes.
12:41Maybe someday.
12:42Look, this is different.
12:44It feels like vampires.
12:46You got my back?
12:52I got yours.
12:53Brothers in vamp slot.
12:56Let's do this.
13:02After you, Eddie.
13:04After us.
13:05These catacombs are older than the church.
13:19Look.
13:20Hemalisks.
13:21We are looking.
13:24The home could be eating.
13:26This could be the source of the whole vampire infestation.
13:44Uh-oh.
13:45That's not a small entrance.
13:49Infestation.
13:51Infestation.
13:54Prince of Darkness.
13:55Wait.
13:56You mean...
13:56The father of death.
13:58So to be clear.
13:59The impaler.
14:01Humanity itself is the infestation.
14:05You insect.
14:07Okay, first.
14:08Arachnids aren't insects.
14:10Don't feel bad.
14:10It's a common misconception.
14:12Second, love the costume.
14:14Seriously, I dressed like you last Halloween.
14:17That is no costume.
14:19Crab.
14:25Enough of this.
14:40We've got this.
14:43On my count!
15:05I am ready.
15:12We are also ready.
15:14One, two, three.
15:16I understood that social cue.
15:40My children.
15:43You think this stops my plans.
15:46Today, your only gain is an immortal enemy.
16:00Much better.
16:01Now, could someone give us a lift out of here?
16:04Another deal, then.
16:05No!
16:07No!
16:08No!
16:09Yes!
16:11No!
16:13Pity.
16:14So, aside from the soul-hoarding thing, what is the devil's beef with Dracula?
16:20He broke his agreement.
16:23But I am pleased.
16:29We are not!
16:31You have made progress.
16:33I look forward to what comes next.
16:36Eddie can stay Eddie for now.
16:40Not to worry.
16:42I'll see the rest of you very soon.
16:45Hard to believe you were once rivals.
16:48Today, I fought beside partners.
16:52I guess you're right.
16:53It felt good working with you, Eddie.
16:55For the first time in forever, I didn't think the symbiote was preparing to devour one of my organs.
17:01Yeah.
17:01We really sent Dracula packing, huh?
17:04And it's a relief to have Mephisto off my back.
17:07You're a free man.
17:09What's the plan now?
17:12Yeah.
17:14Free.
17:14Uh, Eddie?
17:17This is the part where you say,
17:19I'm gonna eat two pizzas and sleep for 11 hours.
17:22At least, that's what I'd do after a big battle.
17:25But knowing the old Parker luck, that's when I'd stumble into a battle with Doc Ock.
17:31Eddie, is everything all right?
17:35Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
17:37And I will be fine.
17:38Completely free of Lilith's control.
17:42It almost doesn't feel real.
17:44Do you want one of us to pinch you?
17:46Joking!
17:47Joking!
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