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Emmerdale 31st October 2025

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00:30I'm waiting.
00:47You really don't want to wear this?
00:49Oh no, I really do.
00:51See, I used to do this thing at school.
00:53There were a couple of bullies.
00:55And I would make stuff up about their parents and then I'd run away and observe.
00:58And I feel like that's what you're trying to do now, Ross, except you're struggling to do that on account of you being a little bit slow-witted.
01:05Yeah, that's exactly it.
01:08Well, I guess I'll just have to fall back on the truth then.
01:10Oh, and this makes it even better.
01:13What does, sorry?
01:15You want to sit down for this?
01:16Grab some popcorn, because Ross here is going to reveal a truth.
01:24Is it that you two need to grow up by any chance and stop having a go at one another?
01:29Your husband wants to air me out.
01:30I do.
01:31OK, fine.
01:32Well, let's just check whose house this is.
01:34Oh, sorry.
01:35It happens to be mine.
01:36So what I say goes.
01:38So do you.
01:39Out.
01:40And thank you for coming, Ross.
01:42Please come again.
01:43Or maybe don't.
01:44Yeah, I just sort of fell into it, really.
01:53I mean, I worked here for ages, and then I ran the cafe for years, and this is all since I've finished with naughty nylons.
01:59Is that what you called your ex-wife?
02:02No, no, no.
02:04It was a company, but now it is how we met.
02:07Yeah.
02:07Sold us some stockings.
02:08I bet you did.
02:11And you've always done farming, have you?
02:12Uh, it feels like it.
02:14I find animals a bit easier to deal with than people.
02:17Well, you can't be that bad at it.
02:19Moira was obviously chuffed with something earlier.
02:22Ah, the business opportunity.
02:23Turkeys at Christmas.
02:25Did she gobble it up?
02:27No.
02:29Gobble.
02:30No, turkeys.
02:32Gotcha.
02:35Anyway, I...
02:36Oh, no, no, no, don't leave.
02:37No, no.
02:37I feel like I'm forcing you away.
02:39Come on, don't send me home in tears.
02:40You can't stand a crybaby.
02:43Go on, then.
02:50You changed your hair?
02:52Different bar, mate, love.
02:53But thanks for not noticing the age difference.
02:56Two vampires' kisses, please.
02:57Mary Quinn.
02:59So, er, you on a date, then?
03:02Yep.
03:03She didn't laugh at the joke.
03:04Oh, is that a deal-breaker?
03:06Show she's intelligent.
03:07Say yes, then.
03:08Bob, I'm sorry.
03:12Farm emergency.
03:13You stay right where you are.
03:14I will be back before you know it.
03:17Yeah, that's me done, too.
03:19Bye, love.
03:24Oh, great.
03:25Has he gone?
03:26Who?
03:27Archie!
03:29Obviously.
03:29To the party, remember?
03:31I mean, it wasn't that long ago I asked you.
03:33No, no, it wasn't.
03:35I've already done it.
03:37You're welcome.
03:39Sorry, I just...
03:40What, forgot to be grateful?
03:44Was he all right?
03:45Well, he's a young boy at a laser tag party.
03:48Of course he's all right.
03:49On his own, I meant.
03:51You know, it was kids and parents, wasn't it?
03:53You know, I might be able to make the second half.
03:54Oh, no, he said don't bother.
03:56He's been put with Ollie's dad
03:57and Ollie's been put with his mum.
03:59So, everything's great.
04:01Oh, right, great.
04:03Yeah, you mean Ollie's dad
04:05who drives a Lamborghini
04:06and used to play for Celtic.
04:07Oh, and owns video game arcades.
04:10Why couldn't you stay with him?
04:11What, because I'm really boring, you mean?
04:13It's hard enough with Archie at the moment
04:16as it is with me working all these hours.
04:19I don't need this on top.
04:20OK, well, I will bear that in mind
04:22next time you ask me a rather large favour,
04:25especially when I'm in the middle of a date.
04:27Oh, great.
04:28Ollie's dad, he's going to bring him home.
04:30In the Lambo, no doubt.
04:33Do you know, remind me to buy you a big bunch of flowers
04:36to say thank you when Archie wants them to adopt it.
04:38I can't hear you, Jay.
04:39What the hell?
04:44Have you gone mad?
04:46What happened?
04:47I did...
04:48He was...
04:49Speak!
04:52I changed my mind and he wasn't having it.
04:54Because you don't get to change your mind.
04:56I thought I made that abundantly clear last time.
04:59He's not answering his phone.
05:01So, what did he do when you tried to leave?
05:04What?
05:05It's a simple question.
05:07Did he just let you go?
05:07No.
05:09No.
05:09Well, you're here.
05:11How did that happen?
05:12How did you get away?
05:16Because he's dead.
05:19I just can't get enough of you and Ross going at each other.
05:23Well, you heard him.
05:23What was I supposed to do?
05:24Maybe calm things down.
05:26Whoa.
05:28Do you want to give me a lesson in that?
05:29Maybe you could take one yourself.
05:32So, go on.
05:33What was it about, anyway?
05:36Something and nothing.
05:36Well, give me something, please.
05:41Fine.
05:43I thought it would be a good idea if I smashed up his car just a little bit and then blamed it on Kev.
05:50And that's why it kicked off in the pub earlier.
05:52Well, the whole idea was that him and Kev would then have a massive bust-up, Kev would leave and then it would leave Aaron and Robert to crack on again.
06:02Crack on with what?
06:03Oh, they'd started back up.
06:05Oh, what a super idea that was.
06:08Seriously, Mac.
06:09You're a grown man.
06:10You can't solve your problems with the plot of Despicable Me.
06:14And anyway, Kev's no one to you.
06:16Ross happens to be Moses' dad.
06:18Oh, I am very aware of that.
06:20And are you also aware that you, yourself, are a brilliant stepdad?
06:23Well, I had my suspicions.
06:28OK, and it's not a case of either or.
06:31You are both in Moses' life and I want you both to stay in Moses' life.
06:36So stop acting like a child and stop whining Ross up.
06:39In fact, start getting on with him.
06:41For Moses' sake.
06:42Stupid.
06:46How did you get back?
06:48Taxi.
06:48In that state?
06:49Stupid.
06:50Who else saw you?
06:52I don't know.
06:52Well, think.
06:53I don't know.
06:54How could you mess up something so simple?
06:56You do know you'll be going to prison for this.
06:58What?
06:59No.
07:00Killing someone, I think so.
07:01It was an accident.
07:03You sent me there.
07:04This is your fault.
07:05Yes, well, you try telling anyone there to see what happens.
07:08You'll be begging for prison.
07:12Help me.
07:13Please.
07:15Please help me.
07:21If it wasn't for me, he would still be in there trying to crawl his way out with that
07:25office now.
07:26Right, let me get this straight.
07:27Are you bragging because you rescued Jay or because you've got very big shoulders?
07:31Oh, the last person I thought I'd see shaming someone for who they are.
07:36Aw.
07:36It's nice to see you smile.
07:38Yeah.
07:39It'd be nice to have more reasons to do it, wouldn't it?
07:41How are you?
07:43Yeah, you know.
07:45Bad.
07:47Oi, oi.
07:48There he is.
07:50You popped in for your protein shake.
07:52What?
07:52That's a private joke.
07:54My expense.
07:55Sounds about right.
07:56No, I'm only messing.
07:58What happens?
07:59You get lost on your way at the party.
08:02No, he doesn't want me there.
08:04Who can blame him?
08:05Certainly not me.
08:06Hey.
08:09Somebody's on a downer.
08:10I've got a job that I don't like, a boss I hate, a son I'm losing, and my life's going
08:17down the toilet.
08:18But I need to remind myself just how lucky I am.
08:21Maybe you should remind yourself how lucky you are that you've got a life at all.
08:26Sorry.
08:27Forget it.
08:28Same again?
08:29Right, well, I shall take my special brand of sunshine and leave you alone.
08:36Just park it there for a minute.
08:38What did Laurel say anyway?
08:43Was she giving you a hard time as well?
08:45No, the opposite.
08:47I gave her a hard time for daring to help me.
08:49Oh, that cow.
08:52Can I tell you what your problem is?
08:54As if there's only one?
08:55You're really good at being nasty.
09:01And you do it all the time because it comes easy to you.
09:04And then every now and again, you just accidentally show that you might be a half-decent person.
09:10Maybe try doing it on purpose.
09:11Right, you.
09:16Go over there, clean up, get rid of the body.
09:19Me?
09:19Why me?
09:21Because I've just rung round, and all the firms that dispose of murdered corpses are shut for the night.
09:27Shouldn't she come?
09:28She stays.
09:29She knows what happened.
09:30We all know what happened, Ray.
09:31And so will the police, if you keep standing there, like the shy kid at the dance.
09:35Go.
09:41You, take your clothes off, put them in there.
09:49You wanted help.
09:50This is help.
09:52I just want a shower.
09:54Well, that tends to happen after you've taken your clothes off.
09:56And after that, you and I, we will sit down.
09:59You will tell me everything in minute detail from the second you got there to the second you got here.
10:06What's going to happen?
10:07I'll tell you what's not going to happen.
10:11None of this is coming back on me.
10:15Which means you're off the hook too.
10:22Don't worry.
10:23There will be so many opportunities for you to prove how grateful you are.
10:28It's open.
10:46It's open.
10:53What's this?
10:54Beers.
10:58And you couldn't carry them without a bag?
11:01Wow.
11:02This has got off to a great start, hasn't it?
11:05And just so I know, what exactly is this thing that's apparently started?
11:11It's you and me, sitting down, having a chat, having a drink.
11:15It's like that scene in Heat.
11:19They accept I'm Bob De Niro and Al Pacino and you.
11:22Well, the other bottle of ketchup.
11:29Well, they're not going to put themselves in the fridge.
11:32God, you're unbelievable.
11:33Oh, relax.
11:35I'll do it.
11:39Take it Charity sent you?
11:41No.
11:43No.
11:44I came because I wanted to apologise for the whole Kev thing.
11:49Right.
11:49And, for what I said about Moses, you're not an embarrassment.
11:56He thinks you're ace.
11:57It's obvious.
11:59Well, I know he thinks a lot about you too.
12:03Is that a problem?
12:05Mm-mm.
12:07Just shows poor taste.
12:08Oh, no, no, it's just a lot of stuff.
12:30Ha!
12:30Ha!
12:31Hello. How quickly can you get to Hotton? That works. Bring the van.
12:48Sausages.
12:52It's there.
12:54Sorry.
12:55Oh, hello. I thought you'd gone for good.
12:57Has he been crying?
12:58He seemed on the verge when he tripped over that and hit his head on that.
13:01It is possible I've had one too many.
13:04Or two or three.
13:05This is what my absence does to a man.
13:08Let me make it up to you by...
13:10Oh, thank you.
13:11No, no.
13:12Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob.
13:14Let me make it up to you by buying the next round.
13:17Uh, not for me, thanks. I've got an early morning call with the bishop.
13:20Well, he can't smell your breath over the phone.
13:22No, but you can sense my guilt. It's happened before.
13:25All the more reason for you to practice hiding it. Come on.
13:28Ah, you're a bad woman.
13:30You have no idea.
13:31Ha, ha, ha.
13:33Did you get sorted with your mom emergency?
13:39Farm emergency.
13:41My farm emergency?
13:44Yes, I did. Thank you.
13:46Trickier than expected, but it's life's little tests that make it such fun, isn't it?
13:51Yes.
13:51Mary, could we get the same again for the gentleman and one for yourself?
13:56Oh, thank you.
13:59Ah!
14:00What?
14:01I thought you had a Halloween face on.
14:02Oh!
14:03Oh, comedy.
14:05You've finished bobbing for apples then, have you?
14:06Yeah, yeah.
14:08Leo got upset because April wasn't there, and then I got upset because he was upset, so
14:13Rona sent me off for a medicinal get-out-of-her-sight.
14:17Ah.
14:18Things still not good with April then?
14:19Well, I mean, it seems fine.
14:21You know, she's given it all, I love you, and then the next, it's like she wants to
14:26be anywhere, but near me.
14:28Oh, come on, Marlon, it's just a phase.
14:30Well, if it is, it's a long one.
14:33Well, she'll come out of it sooner or later, but just always remember this.
14:37You know where she is, you know what she's doing, and you know she's safe, okay?
14:50Who's he there?
14:51No, he left a note saying he popped out for a pint of milk.
14:55What do you think?
14:57I was just hoping it wasn't real, all right?
14:59Do you know the size of the favour I have done for you?
15:03I'm done.
15:04I'm out.
15:05I'm finished with all of this.
15:07I love that you think you get to decide.
15:10I can't.
15:11I can't do this anymore.
15:12I am going home.
15:13I am going home to my family.
15:15Try it.
15:15Try it, and the police will be at that house before you are ready to arrest you for murdering
15:19him.
15:19Stop saying that!
15:21Okay.
15:22Okay.
15:23It was a murder.
15:24It was an accident.
15:25Yeah, I believe you.
15:26Do you think the police will?
15:28Do you think a jury will if it gets out?
15:30And how exactly would it get out?
15:33It won't.
15:34If you, er, towed a line.
15:37So you'd set me up?
15:38Only as a last resort.
15:42I could dobby you and see you later in.
15:44For all sorts.
15:46And don't think I wouldn't, because I would.
15:53She probably just feels a bit old for a Halloween party.
15:56And it is only one night.
15:58Well, it's been a bit longer than that, but...
16:00Oh, er, excuse me.
16:04She's off again.
16:06I'm popular.
16:08Another drink?
16:09Off.
16:09By the way, did you get your...
16:17Prostate was on.
16:21It's saying it won't jinx it.
16:23Right.
16:25Did you?
16:26I did.
16:28Did you?
16:30And?
16:33Same.
16:38I am so sorry.
16:39You're off again.
16:40I'll get a complex.
16:41No, the only thing you're going to get is another round
16:44and one for these two gentlemen, too.
16:46No need to leave just because I am being a party pooper.
16:49Er, Mary, I'm going to leave this here.
16:52If it runs out, keep a tally and I will settle up tomorrow.
16:55We'll do it.
16:58I promise I will make this up to you.
17:03Well, good luck sorting your problem out.
17:07I know exactly how to deal with it.
17:09Wow, you were actually serious.
17:11Read the card.
17:13I am an idiot.
17:14Ha, made you say it.
17:16Joking.
17:17I'm the idiot, obviously.
17:19So, thank you for helping and sorry for not appreciating it.
17:23Well, you're struggling.
17:25I get it.
17:25No, no excuses.
17:27I'm glad you know it.
17:29Have you eaten yet?
17:30Oh, it's nearly ten, Jane.
17:32Of course I've eaten.
17:34You've got Halloween pizza there.
17:36You know, meatball murder and putrid pepperoni.
17:40I mean, I don't know who came up with those names.
17:43I did.
17:43They're fantastic.
17:45That was a good save.
17:46Arthur's doing really well at the hide, by the way.
17:52Yeah.
17:53He'll do some damage to them when he gets back.
17:55You know, I've seen that boy eat two large boxes of chicken nuggets with a cheeseburger chaser.
18:00And yet he's never been asked to do Britain's Got Talent.
18:03Strange that.
18:05Where do you get flowers at this time anyway, Jay?
18:08Yeah.
18:09A graveyard or a petrol station.
18:11I don't know what's worse.
18:12Right, well, I'll leave them there.
18:16I shall go and prepare myself to listen to Archie tell me how wonderful Ollie's dad is.
18:23At least his own dad's perked up.
18:25Well, I've had some help.
18:27I'm just trying to be a half-decent person.
18:34You, uh, gonna get me them tickets?
18:37Uh, yeah, I'll text you there.
18:39How do you text a ticket?
18:41Well, the first thing you do is you acknowledge that it's the one of the 17th century.
18:45Oh, and have you done that?
18:46I have.
18:47Right, then please explain your haircut.
18:53Right, pause it.
18:54I need the loot.
18:56Back again?
18:57Oh, Vinnie and Lewis came back and they would not stop talking about Batman.
19:02It was either lamp them or leave them.
19:04Hang on, sorry, you were his?
19:05It was.
19:06Uh, uninvited, I might add.
19:08Right, I'm bursting.
19:12Um, sorry, what was I just looking at?
19:16Me doing what you wanted.
19:18No, babe, I wanted you to make it okay with him, not cheat on me with him.
19:22And what's the ticket thing?
19:24You planning a trip to Paris, both of you?
19:26No, he's taking Moses to football.
19:29Mac, I thought you wanted to do that.
19:31I did.
19:31But my devotion to you means more.
19:33So go on, this is going to be a regular thing.
19:39Eh, I don't know.
19:41Maybe.
19:42We have had fun, to be honest.
19:44I don't know, we might end up becoming inseparable besties,
19:47wearing each other's clothes and telling each other our deepest, darkest secrets.
19:51Now, wouldn't that be something?
19:51I understand you're out.
20:08Please don't make me do this anymore.
20:10I understand you're ready to dob us in.
20:14I won't.
20:15Please, just please.
20:19Do you know where I was when I heard about your little...
20:23I was having a drink with your dad and grandad.
20:28Lovely people.
20:30They care so much about you.
20:33Do you care about them?
20:36Of course.
20:36And Dylan.
20:38Do you care about Dylan?
20:41Yeah, where is he?
20:43Alive.
20:45Do you know the game Snog, Marry, Avoid?
20:49Yeah.
20:50Well, should you get any more unwelcome ideas,
20:54we're going to play my version of that game
20:57with the three most important men in your life.
21:00My version is called Burn, Stab, Drown.
21:06Any questions?
21:09Good.
21:12This little drama that I've tidied up for you tonight
21:14will be added to what you already owe,
21:17and needless to say,
21:18it doesn't come cheap.
21:23April.
21:24I own you.
21:27I own Dylan.
21:28You will work for me
21:29until I explicitly state otherwise
21:31and little secret.
21:33That won't be happening any time soon.
21:38Okay, then.
21:40Sleep well.
21:41No doubt.
21:42I don't know.
22:12I don't know.
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