- 2 months ago
coming of age dailymotion
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:01That was great.
00:02You were magnificent.
00:04Or should I say shagnificent?
00:09Right, coursework.
00:11Yep, stew in tomorrow. Concentrate.
00:13Yep, focus.
00:30All we wanna do is...
00:37All we wanna do is...
00:39All we wanna do is...
00:43Love me, love me!
00:45All we wanna do is...
00:47All we wanna do is...
00:49All we wanna do is...
00:51Da, da, da.
00:52Here we are.
00:54Done!
00:55I'm a genius, aren't I, Jazza?
00:58Yes. If you were German in 1945, they would have been the master ace.
01:07All right, mate. Brilliant night last night. Level 14 of Final Fantasy XII. I'm a god.
01:14What did you do?
01:15Repeatedly shag my incredibly sexy girlfriend.
01:19Level 14.
01:23I'm a sad bastard.
01:24Yes, you are. Sadder than Richard Whiteley.
01:30He's dead.
01:31Exactly. It's really sad.
01:34Done your coursework?
01:35Nah. Oh, God.
01:37It's not funny. If I fail my A-levels, I'll have to go to drama school.
01:42I've got to spend three years of my life pretending to be a teapot.
01:46Think of the upsides. You'll be able to express yourself entirely through mime.
01:50What am I going to do?
01:55Go to the library now. Find a nice quiet corner and have a comfort wank.
02:03Two hands. Like you're hugging yourself.
02:07Hugging yourself off.
02:09Chloe's clever. Steal her essay and copy it up.
02:15But Chloe's my bestest buddy. We've known each other since we were four.
02:18I'm a little teapot.
02:20Sure, don't you?
02:22I'll do it.
02:25Hang on. Can't I borrow yours?
02:27Oh, certainly not.
02:29My analysis of Frankenstein is so distinctive, so subtle.
02:33And so wrong. This week's coursework's on the Tempest.
02:38What?
02:39I am a little teapot.
02:41Sure, I'm stuck.
02:46I'm off to the library.
02:48I need a hug.
02:55Hi, Chloe. You, uh, done your essay?
02:58Yep. It's perfect. Definitely an A.
03:01Which means Mummy and Daddy will give me another jelly cat sheep to add to my rapidly growing collection of jelly cat sheep.
03:10Hmm. How many you got?
03:12I don't know. Every time I try and count them, I fall asleep.
03:16Right, let's go to college.
03:18I'll carry your coursework.
03:20No, it's fine.
03:22Um, I'm really thirsty. Could you, uh, leave the room and get me some milk?
03:26Milk. I have milk.
03:29Not milk. Sunny Delight.
03:31I have Sunny Delight, too.
03:34And Apple Tango, Coca-Cola, Sprite.
03:39Um, what's...
03:40What's that?
03:43Sorry.
03:44I have to go and wash this off now.
03:46Matthew Cobbett, Criminal Mastermind.
03:58All we wanna do is, all we wanna do is, all we wanna do is, all we wanna do is, all we wanna do is, all we wanna do is.
04:07She loves me.
04:09She loves me not.
04:11She loves me.
04:12She loves me not.
04:18What?
04:20I got it off a hearse.
04:21Said Nick, so I did.
04:23I think I'm in love.
04:25With who?
04:26Sky.
04:27What, the Fitbird behind the big fat minger?
04:30No, the big fat minger.
04:31Why?
04:34She's big, she's fat, and she's minging.
04:37She'd obviously be well up for it.
04:39I can't wait to stick my jam in a donut.
04:42God, I need to get laid.
04:44I'm running out of pants.
04:47I've been through five pairs today already.
04:49All you need's a big romantic gesture.
04:51Get her a rose, or some jewellery.
04:53Or shower her with chocolate.
04:55She'd be delighted to get attention from someone who isn't a waiter or a dietician.
04:59Finish it, mate.
05:01Look, now all I have to do is pop Chloe's back, and I'm done.
05:04Go, girlfriend, it's your birthday.
05:08You can't hand this in.
05:10Why not?
05:10You've copied Chloe word for word.
05:13You'll be done for plagiarism.
05:14And it's back to...
05:16More tea, Vicar.
05:19Oh, God, what am I going to do?
05:20I've got to hand this in in an hour.
05:22Never fear, be kind of fear.
05:24Give Chloe's to me.
05:26Yeah.
05:29You, genius.
05:31I mention it.
05:33Guys, my coursework.
05:35Have any of you seen my coursework?
05:36No.
05:38I'm so depressed.
05:40Oh, sweetheart.
05:41You have some flowers.
05:42And I've been asked to remind you that the new fire assembly point is the grass outside
05:50the swimming pool.
05:51This is to allow the fire brigade easier access to the science block, so they can get their
05:55hoses out faster and put the fire out quicker, like a beautiful woman being rapidly satisfied
06:03by a succession of long, flexible, rubber cocks.
06:08Horsework in as you go, please.
06:19It's not my best work.
06:21This is unreadable.
06:23It's just a scroll.
06:24I need an extension.
06:27Why?
06:28Women's problems.
06:31I've been feeling really sad.
06:36I'm really angry.
06:39But mostly sad.
06:42I'm sorry.
06:42You hate me because I'm a woman.
06:50Don't go Tuesday morning.
06:52Thank you, nice man.
06:57I couldn't do it.
06:58I need an extension.
06:59Why?
07:00Men's problems.
07:03Men's problems?
07:04That's right.
07:04It's my time of the month.
07:06What?
07:07I've been bleeding out of my knob.
07:10Honest?
07:10I've had to cut the rubber off a pencil and plug it in my japsite.
07:14It's really painful.
07:16That's ridiculous.
07:17And I've been feeling sad.
07:20Yeah, but that's not an excuse.
07:22Why not?
07:22I work for her.
07:23Yes, but she's a girl.
07:25So?
07:26She hasn't got women's problems.
07:27Yes, I have.
07:32Rubbish.
07:32She let me shag her last night.
07:34And I did not get ketchup on my sausage.
07:37He's lying.
07:38All right, stop it, you two.
07:39Look, you'd both better just hand in whatever you've done.
07:42Ha!
07:47I haven't done it, mate.
07:48Why not?
07:49I can't write.
07:50How did you do that?
07:52Blanking.
07:54What about the other hand?
07:55Blanking.
07:57Did you produce anything at all last night?
07:59Blanket.
08:04Right, Rubbish, swiftly on.
08:07Mr. Dixon, sir.
08:08Ah.
08:09Well done, Matthew.
08:10This is your essay?
08:15My original's gone missing.
08:16I think someone might have taken it.
08:17Oh, come on, Chloe.
08:19I hear that every lesson.
08:20That and, Mr. Dixon, please stop touching me.
08:24Um, can I look through the others to check it's not there?
08:27I'm sorry, Chloe.
08:28Please.
08:29I'll love you forever.
08:31Will you, indeed?
08:33I'll tell you what.
08:34Why don't we meet here after college and we can go through the essays together?
08:37Oh, thanks.
08:38Just you and me, we can have a one-on-one session.
08:42You know, a one-on-one session.
08:45As in, a one-on-one session.
08:49Great.
08:50Perhaps whilst taking our clothes off.
08:52Or maybe not.
08:59All we wanna do is, all we wanna do is, all we wanna do is, all we wanna do is, all we wanna
09:06is.
09:07Oh, oh, lucky lucky.
09:08All we wanna do is, all we wanna do is, all we wanna do is veut Нет.
09:13Touch it, Bill.
09:15Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Bo, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa.
09:20Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa, Pa.
09:26All we wanna do is.
09:30What the hell is your problem?
09:33I'm shouering you with chocolate.
09:35What?
09:36I thought we might find it a turn-on.
09:39What do you say?
09:40Fancy a game with Paul the Purple Party Popper?
09:49You'll have to do something incredible to win her back.
09:52You mean, do a rap?
09:54A rap?
09:56Yeah, I'm an excellent rapper.
09:57Yo, yo, ladies, Mr. K's in the house.
10:00Biddy-biddy-biddy-biddy-biddy-bow, my name's DK.
10:02I'm on your bandwidth, I'm excellent at making the sandwich.
10:04My name is DK, I like to recycle, and I'm adept at riding the bicycle.
10:08So listen up, baby, it's time to take stock,
10:10cos DK's here, the sharpest rapster on the block.
10:12Chin up, honey, get your party fuck on,
10:13cos DK's in town and he's got something you can suck on, Balamori.
10:22And you think that's going to get Sky into bed?
10:25I've got to stop thinking about sex.
10:27You bastard.
10:28I got a D for my coursework, thanks to you.
10:30So did I.
10:31Anyway, it's not my fault.
10:33You were the one that kept turning me on with the hair.
10:36Well, you were the one that kept turning me on with the fingers.
10:39Well, you were the one that kept turning me on with the tongue.
10:42Yeah, well, you were the one that kept turning me on with the willy.
10:46Oh, Ollie, Ollie, plough me like a meadow.
10:52It's not my fault it takes you two and a half hours to climax.
10:55I know how I'm going to get an A.
10:59I'm going to bribe Simon Dixon with my body.
11:02You can't do that.
11:03Watch me.
11:04I'm going to go around there now and toss him to kingdom come.
11:09Literally.
11:11Right, that's it.
11:13Where are you going?
11:13I've just got to change for your pants.
11:18I've looked everywhere, Matt, and I just can't find my essay.
11:20That's terrible.
11:22God knows what's happened to it.
11:23It's a mystery.
11:24Like, why fat people wear lycra.
11:27Mummy and Daddy were so furious, they took away all my jellycat sheep.
11:31Oh, Chloe.
11:34It's not fair.
11:35If I don't get into uni, I'll have to stay at home forever,
11:38till one day I won't be able to stand it any longer,
11:40and I'll have to join the circus to get away.
11:42And it'll be nice for a week or so, being around the exotic animals,
11:45then one day they'll need a stand-in for the human cannibal
11:47who's in bed with a bit of a sniffle,
11:48and I'll get shot into a brick wall and die.
11:52Possibly.
11:54Maybe someone stole it.
11:56No, that would never happen.
11:57I'm going to go to that classroom and look through the essays myself.
12:00Are you sure that's a good plan?
12:02Yeah.
12:03I'm going to find out who did it and do this to them.
12:05Oh, sorry.
12:13Bum-ta, bum-ta, bum-ta, bum-ta.
12:16Hey, babe, a bloater like you must have knickers with room for two
12:19to ditch the cake and take the plunge
12:21and lick the cream off my love sponge.
12:23You know you want to take me, then.
12:24No, I'll drive you crazy.
12:25Take me, take me, take me, take me, take me, honey.
12:27I'll give you money.
12:28Balamori.
12:30You don't have to be here.
12:42I do.
12:43I definitely do.
12:44You aren't the best friend I've ever had.
12:48Listen, Chloe.
12:52Oh, someone's coming.
12:53What?
12:54This would be worse than the time my dad caught me being naughty with a Barbie doll.
12:58It was so embarrassing.
13:00Because it was Saturday and Toys R Us was packed.
13:01Oh, no.
13:02You are hot.
13:14You are hotter than a roomful of schoolgirls soaping their breasts.
13:21I know.
13:22I know.
13:24How about an A for my coursework?
13:26I can't do that.
13:27Please.
13:29Just one A.
13:31Just one little A.
13:34Just one little A for my coursework.
13:37Uh, terrible rules.
13:39That's a shame.
13:40Because if you gave me an A, I'd give you a B-lo-jar.
13:48An A it is.
13:49Yeah.
13:49Uh, the best essay I've ever read.
13:53Oh, my God.
13:54Excellent.
13:55Absolutely excellent.
13:56Shh.
13:59Sorry.
14:01Right, Mr. Dixon.
14:02All our coursework must be moderated by an external examiner.
14:06Would you like me to externally examine you?
14:10Yes, I would.
14:15What the hell's going on?
14:17Ollie!
14:17I said I forbid you, Jazz.
14:19And I said I'll do what the hell I like.
14:21Right.
14:22You bastard.
14:23We're sorting this out man to man.
14:24Oliver.
14:25If you ever go anywhere near my girlfriend again, I'll...
14:29I'll...
14:30bloody fist you.
14:36What?
14:37You heard.
14:38I'll have you against the wall and I'll fist the shit out of you.
14:41You understand?
14:43Yes.
14:43Yes, I do.
14:44While I'm here, how about an A for my essay?
14:46Sure.
14:46Whatever you say.
14:47Good chap.
14:48And just remember, I'm a black belt in feng shui.
14:53So if you lay a finger on my woman again, I'll not only deck your face, I'll rearrange the furniture while I'm at it.
15:01You have been warned.
15:03F's, I think.
15:19Oh, God.
15:20I'm so sorry, Chloe.
15:21We'll never find out who stole your essay now.
15:23What a horrible gentleman he is.
15:26Don't worry, Chloe.
15:27If he caught us, I'd protected you.
15:29Would you have fisted him for me, Matt?
15:33Chloe, I'd fist anyone for you.
15:34Tell Jasmine I'm not speaking to her.
15:45Ollie says he's not speaking to you.
15:47Tell Ollie I'm not speaking to him.
15:49Jazz says she's not speaking to you.
15:51Tell Jazz I don't care.
15:52Ollie says he doesn't care if you show me your tits.
15:54I am not showing you my tits.
16:00Jazz says she's going to show me your tits.
16:02Shut up!
16:03Please, can I have a tit wink?
16:04This is stupid.
16:09I'm not having my life ruled by you, Oliver Sinclair.
16:12I've had enough.
16:13We need time apart.
16:15Oh, sweetheart.
16:17Oh, that's so sad.
16:18Come here.
16:20Bum-tum!
16:21Wait!
16:21Ow!
16:26I'm in there.
16:28Oh, mate.
16:29The rap is a total disaster.
16:30I need to find another way to ensnare Sky in my sticky web of sex.
16:35It's not romantic.
16:37Break dancing.
16:40Oh, God.
16:41What am I going to do about Jasmine?
16:43You just need to get yourself another honey as quickly as possible.
16:46It's not a bad idea.
16:48Thanks, mate.
16:48I'm good at giving advice.
16:50I'm just like Jeremy Kyle, but without the wit and charisma.
16:54Actually, I'm just like Jeremy Kyle.
16:56If Jasmine thinks I'm going out with someone else,
16:59she'll get all jealous and come back to me.
17:02But who?
17:02Oh, you ain't going to get anybody fit as such, you'll notice.
17:05You're going to have to be somebody desperate.
17:07Somebody fat and probably ginger.
17:11Somebody like...
17:12Sky.
17:13No, mate.
17:13She's mine.
17:14Not anymore.
17:16Oh.
17:16We're on the scene.
17:21We know the rules.
17:23We're super cool.
17:26Hey, babe.
17:27I bet you I've never seen moves like this before.
17:30Oh.
17:43Yeah.
17:43Oh.
17:44Oh.
17:45Oh.
17:46Oh.
17:4624 hours ago, all I cared about was my stupid coursework.
18:05And now I've found something more.
18:07It's nice to know you're always there for me.
18:09Yeah, that's right.
18:14All right, Pete.
18:15Darren!
18:16I love you guys too.
18:21The breakdance didn't go very well at all.
18:24Look.
18:28I need to find another way to woo, Sky.
18:31What about a love poem?
18:32Yeah, and if you want to be super classy, you could type it into Google Translate
18:35and perform it in a romantic foreign language like French or Italian.
18:39Kimme la ragazza.
18:41Yeah, or German.
18:42Jawohl, mein Fuhrer!
18:45Heil Hitler!
18:50Sorry, did you ever find out about your missing essay?
18:52No.
18:53Why?
18:54Do you know something about it?
18:55Sorry, sweetheart, not a thing.
18:57Matt nicked it out of your room and I tore it up.
19:00And it was well funny.
19:04Darren!
19:06Whoops!
19:07You naughty, Matt!
19:11You greatly flippin' naughty!
19:15I was desperate, Chloe.
19:16I don't want to fail my A-levels.
19:17What about me?
19:18I don't want to end up getting shot out of a cannon.
19:21No, yeah, I'm sorry, Chloe, but the essays have been taken in.
19:25There's nothing I can do about it.
19:26You could speak to Simon.
19:27I can't.
19:28Why not?
19:29Because I'm losing my voice.
19:32I thought we were friends, Matt.
19:35I thought we were maybe even more than that.
19:37I've been in a cupboard with you.
19:40Listen, Chloe, stealing your essay was completely and totally wrong,
19:44but I need you to understand that I did it for you.
19:48Aw.
19:49Don't you didn't!
19:51No, I didn't, but it was worth a try, eh?
19:53You naughty!
19:58I can't believe Ollie went off with that big, fat bitch.
20:03Such an overreaction.
20:05He's only going to suck off an English teacher.
20:09I can't believe Matt would steal my essay.
20:11I feel abused by Amy Winehouse's liver.
20:14Still, at least I got an A.
20:18Actually, no, he changed it to an F after you left.
20:21Bastard!
20:22What are we going to do?
20:23In my experience, when you're feeling low,
20:25there's only one thing that can cheer you up.
20:27Yeah, a good hard shag.
20:29But I can't have that because my boyfriend's poking a bloater.
20:34I was thinking more along the lines of...
20:37Mr. Suck!
20:38What's shagging Mr. Suck?
20:41It's like Mika. He hasn't got a willy.
20:44He can cheer you up in other ways.
20:47That's right, Miss Jasmine.
20:48With a smile and a soft.
20:50I'm Mr. Suck here to make your hat close.
20:53No offence, partner.
20:59You've killed him!
21:01But never mind, he has a brother.
21:02What we need is revenge.
21:08Yeah, let's kick the shit out of them!
21:18Meet me in the swimming pool at four o'clock.
21:20To repay you for the A, I'm going to give you an E-rection.
21:27And make you E-jaculate.
21:31All over my F-tits.
21:35All we want to do is, all we want to do is, all we want to do is, all we want to do is, oh.
21:41Love me, love me, all we want to do is, all we want to do is, all we want to do is, oh.
21:47Put this on.
21:48My God, what are you planning?
21:52I'm just going to pop something over your mouth.
21:54Ooh, kinky.
21:55I'm just going to pop something over your mouth.
22:25Oh, kinky.
22:37I don't know anything.
22:39Oh, kinky.
22:40OK, by that.
22:42Bye, bye, bye.
22:44Bye, bye, bye.
22:47Bye, bye, bye.
22:52Bye.
22:54svg officialsicidei stiu some of the police.
22:55oh
23:25Who wanna do this? Who wanna do this?
23:55What do you want?
23:57I've seen the paper this morning, Jasmine.
24:01I heard a teacher, Simon Dixon, and his two students, Matthew Corbett and Oliver Sinclair,
24:08face charges of indecent exposure today after performing lewd sex acts in their college swimming pool.
24:16Brilliant, isn't it? That'll teach you to go off with that sky thing.
24:20But I only did that because you went off with that Simon thing.
24:23Then how'd you get her to kiss you like that?
24:25She's a fat bird, Jazz.
24:28They'll do anything for a sticky bun.
24:32I thought that if you swore us together, it'd make you jealous and you'd come back to me.
24:38I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.
24:42I love you.
24:47I love you too.
24:53I'll never look at another bloke again.
24:58Hi, guys. I'm Jason. I'm here to cover for Simon Dixon.
25:02Hi, Jason. I'm Jack. I'm a very dedicated student.
25:08I'm sure you are, sweetheart.
25:10Well, what about this young man? I hear you're very into fisting.
25:19Hi, Chloe.
25:20Hi, Matt. I'm sorry I got you arrested.
25:24I'm sorry you didn't get your grade A. But I got you a present.
25:29Oh, thanks, Matt. I haven't got that one.
25:35Mates?
25:36Mates.
25:37You do know the economics coursework's in today.
25:40It's all right. I've learnt my lesson. I'm never going to steal an essay ever again.
25:43Excellent. I'll make her some toast.
25:46Matthew Colbert, Criminal Masterminds.
25:54Leave it.
26:02Skye! Skye!
26:05I've got you a pie.
26:17Rosen sind rot.
26:20Du bist sehr fatt.
26:23Mich nach innen einladen.
26:26Und ich leg deinen twat.
26:33Oh, das ist so romantisch.
26:37Ich muss dich halben einfach.
26:47I made myself look great, and Matt called me a boomin!
27:01Isn't it obvious?
27:02You must be gay.
27:05Is there anything you want to tell me?
27:09Actually, Chloe. There is.
27:10There is.
27:40There is.
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