- 2 days ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00I run a successful underground escort service.
00:00:14I recruit from a rec room on the third floor of my dorm where I pimp the kids from my boarding school.
00:00:19In fact, I have two of my boys right here, and they are just one table away from one of my tricks.
00:00:25Now, I know you've probably got about 20 questions right on the tip of your tongue.
00:00:32Well, if you must know, then let us begin.
00:00:55Sam!
00:01:03Over here.
00:01:06Sam, you've been kicked out of a couple of very prominent boarding schools in this country.
00:01:13Okay, yes, but about that...
00:01:15Stop!
00:01:18I read your transcripts. You've got a 3.873 years in running.
00:01:23You've got some kick-ass writing samples to boot.
00:01:27But you also clearly have a problem with authority.
00:01:30And it just makes my mind wonder, what exactly am I in for here, Sam?
00:01:36Right, okay. Noted, but. Here is the thing. I wasn't exactly kicked out of all of my schools, per se.
00:01:46I am somebody that you would consider a victim of, um...
00:01:50Circumstances?
00:01:51Circumstances, yes. And you know what? Most people don't believe it, but...
00:01:55I've journaled about it, man. You can read it if you want.
00:01:58Just give me the cliff notes. Summarize, Sam.
00:02:01DUNKIE
00:02:09ui
00:02:31Donkey, try to make my pay, I don't participate, yeah.
00:02:44Hey, baby, blue, put your feet on the ground.
00:02:46Feet on the ground, but your head's spinning around.
00:02:49Talk about the sun, forget about the moon.
00:02:52Tell me not to leave, not to let you do.
00:02:54Donkey, see, donkey, do, I don't want to go to school.
00:02:57Oh, donkey, try to make my pay, I don't...
00:03:02That's tough.
00:03:05Nah, you know, it's just kind of...
00:03:08par for the course in your mom's next playmate, you know?
00:03:14Well put.
00:03:16I know your mom.
00:03:18Hmm? Really?
00:03:20You know, Sam, she's a nice lady.
00:03:23Bat-shit crazy, but she's a good chick.
00:03:25So is that you?
00:03:27That, my friend, was the Eliminator tour.
00:03:32Eight years of more pussy than any one man could ever handle.
00:03:37Which, by the way, is why you should wear a rubber.
00:03:41Or you'll find yourself knocking up the wrong groupie and...
00:03:44trading in your dream of a harmonica solo of Billy Gibbons
00:03:49to become the headmaster of a private academy.
00:03:52But, I love my daughter.
00:04:01She taught me how to respect women.
00:04:05Or some shit like that.
00:04:06You ready for the $5 tour?
00:04:07It's our history department.
00:04:11Ian, get off that cell phone.
00:04:12Oh, good, because I'm a history nut.
00:04:14I'm a really big fan of the, uh, French Revolution, especially Napoleon.
00:04:16I love Napoleon.
00:04:17They're very tasty.
00:04:18Have you ever had one?
00:04:19So, you're a writer and a dick?
00:04:20I'd be careful if you ruin me here.
00:04:21I hear he's a bit of a strange bird.
00:04:22likes to whip out the fee-fee bag when the nights go down.
00:04:23What is a fee-fee bag?
00:04:25Bukowski term.
00:04:26What is a Bukowski?
00:04:27A Bukowski?
00:04:28Well, it's not a rusty trombone or gorilla mask.
00:04:31A Bukowski is a writer.
00:04:32A writer and a writer, especially Napoleon.
00:04:33I love Napoleon.
00:04:34I'm a writer, especially Napoleon.
00:04:35I love Napoleon.
00:04:36They're very tasty.
00:04:37Have you ever had one?
00:04:37So, you're a writer and a dick?
00:04:38I'd be careful if you ruin me here.
00:04:39I hear he's a bit of a strange bird.
00:04:40I hear he's a bit of a strange bird.
00:04:41Likes to whip out the fee-fee-bag when the nights go down.
00:04:45What is a Fee-fee-bag?
00:04:46What is a Bukowski term?
00:04:47trombone or gorilla mask a Bukowski is a writer a poet come on notes from a dirty
00:04:55old man Hammond Rye the post office well it's good you're continuing your
00:05:02education you came to the right place you keep your GPA up no swearing with an
00:05:10earshot and stay out of trouble so I can keep you from getting your ass kicked
00:05:16out this go around capiche yeah of course plus how much mayhem can I possibly
00:05:23cause in a school that's got teak cozies on the wall
00:05:26after that take the radio back I'm coming with that stadium wrap I got the stadium
00:05:33pack from the front to the back make the stadium clap
00:05:37I see you working fly girls freaks and the virgins take the radio back Chris Young
00:05:44coming with that stadium wrap hello see young with the stadium wrap she ain't
00:05:48Kimora Simmons but the baby is back and I keep my cranium packed with more uranium than they didn't have
00:05:55you call me Snoop racist that's a lie and you know you said degrading stuff about my
00:06:11stature dipshit I mean Sean sir it's true he started it Sean what come on you're not
00:06:20actually gonna buy this side of the story are you well you're teasing and
00:06:23fighting with new kid already and you wonder why you're a fifth year senior
00:06:27Dan sir sir he walked in we were hanging out he punched me in the face flame is the
00:06:34first sign of weakness now apologize fuck that fuck that headmaster language
00:06:46demerits does any of that ring a goddamn bell to you this is bullshit tucking that
00:06:54damn shirt and be in my office in 10 minutes come here
00:07:01well you do have a string of bad luck don't you that's the worst kid I got told you yeah I
00:07:12but why don't we try to change that now that's a good idea go make some new friends now
00:07:21Sam Sam thank you so much you are my you are our savior I'm not gonna lie to you
00:07:29I mean the guy's such a douche he does it all the time man we should hang out sometime by the way
00:07:33I'm Jimmy this is Chuck this is Teddy where are you from I'm having a hard time but I'm thinking
00:07:38it's Manhattan I'm getting this tri-state area kind of thing New York yeah it's New York with
00:07:41that handshake okay calm down look it's good to meet you guys and I really appreciate the
00:07:46camaraderie and from the headmaster back there but I gotta oh yeah yeah yeah for sure no worries
00:07:53um thank you and you know just in case you want to know like when you realize this place is a
00:08:00complete shithole we'll be waiting over here right here bro you need a friend sounds good thank you
00:08:11it's just another story with a hood grind sticker and a snag
00:08:23it's only good if they make you think it's bad
00:08:29and I make my day with a jagged little eyes
00:08:34and I make my day with a jagged little eyes of fear
00:08:35till I find out I got nothing near
00:08:41I'm at the seaside song
00:08:44I'm at the seaside song
00:08:47I'm at the seaside song
00:08:49it's just another story with a hood grind sticker and a snag
00:08:58this is only good if they make you think it's bad
00:09:04I'm at my day with a snag
00:09:08yo okay first of all first of all don't don't hog it because I bought that
00:09:12oh
00:09:14and of course
00:09:19well well well look who it is
00:09:25yeah it's actually surprising I thought it'd take longer
00:09:28do you want to uh partake in some recreational substance abuse
00:09:33I got some scotch single malt go for it bro
00:09:36that's good actually
00:09:43so stoked
00:09:48you guys are all right
00:09:51no no no
00:09:55oh yeah be quiet because jesus christ absolution is just mere steps away
00:09:59oh
00:10:05but seriously
00:10:06I beat off to your mom
00:10:08what
00:10:09what
00:10:10don't act like you're surprised you know me
00:10:12just no offense no offense
00:10:14no offense it's just if you're gonna be friends with us
00:10:17you should know
00:10:18multiple times
00:10:21come on
00:10:22come on
00:10:23come on
00:10:24fucking gorgeous
00:10:25it's fine it's white cross to bear
00:10:28look to even the kill if it makes you feel any better
00:10:31my dad's partner was Bernie Madoff
00:10:33ouch
00:10:34and my mom's a freak
00:10:35and my dad he's an ex-baller says I cramp his any given Sunday lifestyle
00:10:40yeah and I'm Asian
00:10:42he is
00:10:43you should see this guy drift in a Honda Civic
00:10:45so what else should I do around here
00:10:52so this is Main Street huh
00:10:58yup
00:10:59open weekend
00:11:00final frontier
00:11:01i love the weekends bro
00:11:03i love the girls
00:11:06go talk
00:11:10what do you mean
00:11:13what do you mean
00:11:15what do i mean man
00:11:16we've been walking up and down the street
00:11:17you've seen the same girls like all day
00:11:18just go up
00:11:19say hi
00:11:20go talk to them
00:11:21Sam if you haven't noticed we're not that cool
00:11:22oh come on Jack
00:11:23well except for Jimmy of course
00:11:25he's got all the bitches on lock
00:11:26ain't that right
00:11:27alright you know what
00:11:28damn fuck both of you
00:11:29I'm plotting assholes
00:11:30you know that's how I do
00:11:31why would you
00:11:32such a dick
00:11:43you know what you guys hold that dud
00:11:45I'll be right back
00:11:46where you going
00:11:50tell me
00:11:51oh I'm gonna go talk to the girl
00:11:52probably should have wingman that one huh
00:11:57hi
00:11:58i'm sorry do we know you
00:12:00um
00:12:02this is the eye fucker from Moore
00:12:05oh my god you're the eye fucker
00:12:07yeah I guess I am the eye fucker
00:12:10and I've been completely called out so
00:12:13congratulations
00:12:14well thank you
00:12:15thank you
00:12:16so uh
00:12:17now that we've got the pleasantries out of the way
00:12:19do you care to sit down and join us for a latte
00:12:21yeah
00:12:22great
00:12:23nothing
00:12:24I'm Courtney
00:12:25hi
00:12:26and this is Angie and you are
00:12:29uh
00:12:30Sam
00:12:31well nice to meet you Sam
00:12:33what up
00:12:34hi
00:12:35well uh
00:12:36what are you doing on this
00:12:37glorious sunny day
00:12:39young Samuel
00:12:41I'm just kinda hanging out with my friends
00:12:43oh
00:12:44you have friends
00:12:46well that's
00:12:47novel
00:12:48all my friends are dead
00:12:51if you were wondering
00:12:52well except for
00:12:53her
00:12:54but she's not really friends
00:12:55so I guess that doesn't count
00:12:56thanks bitch
00:12:57I love you
00:12:58I love you too
00:12:59make out session with you
00:13:02what's so funny
00:13:03you
00:13:04you're funny
00:13:05he's charming
00:13:07god knows I'm trying
00:13:10hold that thought
00:13:12hello
00:13:15yeah
00:13:16okay
00:13:18wow
00:13:22fine
00:13:23fine
00:13:24okay bye
00:13:28we got a jam
00:13:2910-4
00:13:30what do you mean
00:13:31why are you going so soon
00:13:32we're just
00:13:33starting out so much fun
00:13:35it's my mom
00:13:36she's uh
00:13:37she's crazy
00:13:38and she's spinning the bartender's face now
00:13:39so we gotta go pick her up
00:13:40sweet
00:13:41crazy bitch
00:13:42sounds like my mom
00:13:43they should probably carpool
00:13:44that's funny
00:13:47he's funny
00:13:48you're cute too
00:13:49alright
00:13:51I'm thoroughly bored with this now
00:13:53I'm gonna get some motherfucking fudge
00:13:54do you want any?
00:13:55I'm good on the motherfucking fudge
00:13:58but thanks girl
00:13:59bye
00:14:00nice girl
00:14:02so uh
00:14:04same time same place next weekend?
00:14:07yeah
00:14:08phone please
00:14:10sorry what?
00:14:11so I can put my number in it
00:14:13so we can make plans
00:14:14do you have Asperger's or something?
00:14:15I don't know what's wrong
00:14:16yeah
00:14:17well you know I just don't think we really have the swapping
00:14:20swapping digits phase yet
00:14:22it's all moving a little fast for me
00:14:24oh I see
00:14:25it's so fast
00:14:26well then
00:14:27no number for you
00:14:28well done Prince Charming
00:14:29good job
00:14:30yo tampon
00:14:31we gotta go pick up your alky mother
00:14:33wait
00:14:34two seconds
00:14:35Jesus Angie
00:14:36hi sorry
00:14:37yeah here
00:14:38you sure?
00:14:39yeah
00:14:46bye
00:14:47bye
00:14:54nice fucking work dude
00:14:56will you be my mentor?
00:14:57that would be nice
00:14:58that's amazing
00:14:59okay let's not jump on them all at once
00:15:01let's have some coffee like some civilized people
00:15:03you don't even drink coffee
00:15:04cause it tastes like shit
00:15:08and so we return to the question at hand
00:15:11do we resign ourselves to the sad truth that our existence is purely an exercise in human folly?
00:15:16or do we embrace every moment of that existence and forget about what it might amount to one day?
00:15:24now we all know what Camus thinks but
00:15:26fucking Camus
00:15:27you're crazy right?
00:15:28it's Camus you idiot
00:15:29it is?
00:15:30do you guys ever read?
00:15:33Sam?
00:15:38hey
00:15:39hey
00:15:41uh sit down
00:15:43yeah in a second I gotta tell you something though
00:15:51a girl
00:15:53the name one that's not in a straight jacket which is a pretty big improvement for me
00:15:58Sam
00:15:59and then I'm actually pretty sure I completely aced my uh
00:16:04literature presentation thanks to your recommended reading
00:16:07and I'm seriously going out on the streets with this
00:16:08Sam
00:16:09cause I had no idea that French Moroccan existentialism could just be so damn fascinating
00:16:14Sam
00:16:15I just got off the phone
00:16:17your mother can't pay for your school anymore
00:16:27we had a good run
00:16:29you know
00:16:32you know you were uh
00:16:34you were cool
00:16:35my brothers are cool
00:16:36I got
00:16:39a little brukowski at it
00:16:40but I guess at the end of the day
00:16:41even my mom's tits aren't recession proof
00:16:43I got a little bit of recession proof
00:16:44I got a little bit of recession proof
00:16:45she said
00:16:50come on man
00:16:51I left my ID in my room
00:16:52I don't feel like going to get it
00:16:55can you please just give me a drink
00:16:56Come on, man, I left my ID in my room, I don't feel like going to get it, can you please
00:17:09just give me a drink?
00:17:10Nice drive, Junior.
00:17:12He's with me.
00:17:14Yeah, I'm with her, and you know what, that's why I don't have my ID, because I left it
00:17:23in our room.
00:17:24How about you just pour me that drink, and while you're at it, you can refill hers, and
00:17:31when you're done, you can bring it to the table, how about that?
00:17:40And also, thank you.
00:17:44You look like you need me.
00:17:50Oh boy, I did.
00:17:51I actually still do.
00:17:58I'm Sam, by the way.
00:18:03Nelson.
00:18:04Nelson.
00:18:05A rough night.
00:18:11Got you.
00:18:18Yeah.
00:18:19Yeah.
00:18:20Yeah.
00:18:21That's my husband's mistress.
00:18:29She showed up at my house to complain to me about how he's cheating on her tonight.
00:18:35Tonight.
00:18:36Shit.
00:18:37I mean, I'm sure that he can explain.
00:18:40He's really good at explaining.
00:18:42I mean, he's a very good explainer.
00:18:44Like, he could have explained that I was married to him.
00:18:52Why don't we do this?
00:18:53Well, okay?
00:18:54I would...
00:18:55I would, what, he goes out and, and, and he cheats on you.
00:19:07Twice.
00:19:09And then he fucking tries to explain and say, what, what, what, what are you talking about?
00:19:14Who the, who the hell cheats on you?
00:19:17Look, you're, you're, you're beautiful.
00:19:19You've got these eyes.
00:19:20They sparkle.
00:19:21They're like, they're like diamonds, you know?
00:19:25God, what?
00:19:27That was really bad.
00:19:29I just, I just don't sound genuine.
00:19:38Oh, God.
00:19:39No.
00:19:40It's a good thing.
00:19:42So, so you go to school around here or something?
00:19:51Yeah, kind of.
00:19:56Kind of.
00:19:59Kind of.
00:20:00How old are you?
00:20:0618.
00:20:11Yeah, I should probably get out of here and get going.
00:20:18I probably should buy you that drink.
00:20:22My husband probably shouldn't cheat on me.
00:20:27Twice.
00:20:28Twice.
00:20:29But.
00:20:30So.
00:20:31So much.
00:20:32So much.
00:20:33So much.
00:20:34So much.
00:20:36So much.
00:20:37So much.
00:20:38So much.
00:20:40Oh, you're so free, little way.
00:20:44Get me free.
00:20:45need some.
00:20:45Go get to.
00:21:05guitar solo
00:21:35And you're standing there
00:21:37And like a rose that fell
00:21:49And you're standing there
00:21:53Oh, I'll shake it
00:21:55Oh, I'll shake it
00:22:05I'm gonna stay in town tonight
00:22:11Oh, just
00:22:12Tell Riley that I love him
00:22:15Okay?
00:22:17Okay
00:22:18Bye
00:22:19Is this creepy?
00:22:32I'm talking about this
00:22:36This is creepy
00:22:36This is freaking amazing
00:22:39This is crazy
00:22:47I'm not that old, you know
00:22:51Not that young
00:22:53Technically, I'm not even senior anymore
00:22:57Because I can't pay for my tuition
00:22:59This is fun, right?
00:23:06Yeah
00:23:06This is fun
00:23:08You have an amazing ass
00:23:14So, hey
00:23:17You want to have fun again?
00:23:20Absolutely
00:23:21I can have fun
00:23:23I can
00:23:24I bet you can
00:23:25I can
00:23:26Good
00:23:27Great
00:23:28Less talking, we're doing
00:23:29Okay
00:23:30Okay
00:23:30Okay
00:23:30All right
00:23:56So, let me get this straight
00:23:58This chick was hot
00:23:59Brought you to her suite
00:24:01Got you drunk
00:24:02Had sex with you multiple times
00:24:03And left you with a fucking check in the morning
00:24:06Yeah
00:24:08That's fucking amazing
00:24:10Why don't shit like that ever happen to me, Jimmy?
00:24:12It can
00:24:12It can
00:24:14Yeah, Sam
00:24:16She's got friends, right?
00:24:18Yeah
00:24:18And you, and you, my friend, have money problems
00:24:20Yes, I have money problems
00:24:21Okay
00:24:22So
00:24:22So what?
00:24:23So
00:24:23Dude, it's not what you think, okay?
00:24:26I don't even know if I'm going to call this girl again
00:24:28Okay?
00:24:29This is like a once-in-a-lifetime thing
00:24:31Yeah, or like a once-in-a-week type thing
00:24:32That'll be fucking bad
00:24:33You know what I mean?
00:24:34That's got two down
00:24:35That's got two down
00:24:35Stop
00:24:35Come on
00:24:36Look
00:24:37If you haven't already guessed it, I'm a virgin
00:24:40Okay?
00:24:41Yeah, I know
00:24:41$500 is good, I get it, okay?
00:24:45I don't know what you did with it
00:24:47But the fact of the matter is, like
00:24:49If we could parlay that into two grand a week
00:24:52Sam, we could pay for your tuition in two months or less
00:24:55Like that, and you can stay in school
00:24:57And we can all fucking hang out again
00:24:58Plus, we'd be bringing joy to unhappily married women everywhere
00:25:02Whoa, whoa
00:25:03Yes
00:25:03And Teddy, by the way, great valid point
00:25:07Selfless, I like where your head's at
00:25:08Well, you made a valid point, I'm just saying
00:25:10Look, the fact of the matter is, there are probably tons
00:25:13Tons of smoking hot meals
00:25:15Waiting for some young, guilt-free, guilt-pasta
00:25:18And all you have to do is make the connection
00:25:20Pimp this shit out
00:25:21And it's done
00:25:22It's a fucking wrap
00:25:22Bills on you
00:25:23You want to lay in bills?
00:25:25You want to, like, take a bath in bills?
00:25:27Okay, could you please stop listening to our fucking conversations?
00:25:30I'm sorry
00:25:30It just sounds awesome
00:25:32I mean, I mean, do you ever need any help?
00:25:33Yeah, yeah, sure
00:25:34We'll give you a fucking call
00:25:35Just stop looking at me
00:25:36I'm sorry
00:25:36Yeah
00:25:36Sorry
00:25:40Hey, do you think we can carve out a little bit to do a scholarship for a kid who's having
00:25:54some financial problems?
00:25:56What?
00:25:57Well, you said we had a little extra here
00:25:59Well, not entirely extra
00:26:01It's for Sam Lowell
00:26:02We're a boarding school
00:26:04Not a commune
00:26:06I think we should concentrate on the kids that are already here
00:26:09As opposed to some charity case that you might want to bring in
00:26:14Bruce, this is not a charity case
00:26:16Alright?
00:26:17This is a good kid
00:26:18I mean, what do you think we do here as teachers?
00:26:21We're here to inspire
00:26:22Well, I'm all for inspiring
00:26:24But we're in a recession
00:26:26I know that
00:26:28I can't even get enough money for new band instruments
00:26:30Coach Jackson wants a new turf for his lacrosse field
00:26:35I'd like a little money for my women's lib program
00:26:38What do they need to know about women?
00:26:40You tell the good-looking ones they're smart
00:26:43You tell the smart ones they're good-looking
00:26:44Look, I'm trying to have a decent conversation about financial
00:26:48This is a conversation
00:26:48You're just not listening to me, sir
00:26:50No, no, you're trying to insult
00:26:51What is it, Cy?
00:26:52What?
00:26:54Sam Lowell's back on campus
00:26:55and he says he could pay for his tuition
00:26:57Hello?
00:27:02Hello?
00:27:04Is that my mom?
00:27:05It's Allie
00:27:06It's Sam
00:27:08Sam?
00:27:10No, it's for your mom
00:27:11Sam
00:27:12Hey
00:27:14Hey, who's that?
00:27:16Uh, it's just a friend
00:27:20Your mom's a cougar
00:27:21So, um, I'm glad you called
00:27:24Yeah, me too
00:27:26Um
00:27:27Look, anyway
00:27:29Uh, I was just thinking about how great last weekend was
00:27:34And I was wondering if maybe you weren't busy this weekend
00:27:37We could
00:27:37Do it again?
00:27:39Yeah
00:27:39I thought you had to leave school
00:27:41No, I do
00:27:42I, I, well, I did
00:27:44Yeah, anyway
00:27:45Anyway, that's kind of what I wanted to, uh, talk to you about
00:27:49Um
00:27:49I don't know if this sounds weird or anything
00:27:52But I was wondering if maybe this weekend you could bring some of your friends
00:27:56I could bring some of my friends
00:27:59And then maybe some of your friends could give some of my friends
00:28:03Uh, some letters, too
00:28:04You know, to help for my education fund
00:28:08Oh
00:28:09Or not, I mean, or, it's totally fine
00:28:12You know, it's, it was, it was just an idea
00:28:14You know, just a stupid
00:28:15It's not a stupid idea
00:28:17Ask him if he has any friends
00:28:18They told me
00:28:19Are you positive he's here?
00:28:21I'm dead positive
00:28:22In here
00:28:22Yes, dead, I mean, 95% positive
00:28:24Hello
00:28:25Sam
00:28:26Sam?
00:28:29Sam
00:28:30What?
00:28:30Hold on
00:28:33He asked me
00:28:36Allison
00:28:37Tell him yes
00:28:38I don't know
00:28:39What do you mean you forgot
00:28:40I don't know
00:28:40What's your fucking problem?
00:28:43Allison
00:28:43Boys?
00:28:51Dan-o
00:28:52Sir
00:28:53Um
00:28:54Sir
00:28:56Uh, if I may
00:28:58I think that we might have found a solution
00:29:00To Sam's little economic issue
00:29:02A solution?
00:29:05Uh, yeah, a job
00:29:07A job
00:29:09A job
00:29:09A job that pays $20,000 a semester
00:29:14What is it?
00:29:16Ponzi scheme?
00:29:18Nah, man
00:29:18Well, sir
00:29:20My dad has some work we can do for his company
00:29:22And, uh, you see, it's a tax shelter kind of thing
00:29:26Tax shelter?
00:29:27Tax shelter
00:29:28Yeah, like a 501c, sir
00:29:30Is this a fucking joke?
00:29:32Sir
00:29:32Um
00:29:33We, uh, Sam has a down payment
00:29:37I can see it
00:29:41Okay
00:29:42Are you boys selling drugs?
00:29:49All right
00:30:09I'll bite
00:30:11Welcome back, Sam
00:30:14Whatever you're doing
00:30:17Keep it clean
00:30:19Yeah
00:30:22They're young boys
00:30:23Pick of the litter
00:30:24And they're a hell of a lot cheaper
00:30:25Than a pair of Louboutins
00:30:26Which pair?
00:30:27Wait, what are you talking about?
00:30:28Judy
00:30:29Quit it
00:30:29We're not doing this
00:30:31Doing what?
00:30:32Stop
00:30:32Why do you two always exclude me?
00:30:35It's because I'm younger, isn't it?
00:30:36You just, you just don't think I understand
00:30:38What you two are going on about
00:30:39Enough
00:30:39Whoa
00:30:40What?
00:30:42Testy
00:30:42Shit
00:30:43For your information
00:30:45Allison here is acting all bitchy
00:30:47Because I want to set up some paid playdates
00:30:49With a few boys for more
00:30:50Playdates?
00:30:52Yes
00:30:52You mean for shagging?
00:30:54I think it's so cool
00:30:55I think it sounds awful
00:30:57And completely illegal
00:30:58Yes, it is, Judy
00:30:59Stop being such a fucking square, Mary
00:31:02Mary is not a square
00:31:03She's old-fashioned
00:31:06I'm sorry, but marrying an agent
00:31:07Who was going to help our little ginger here
00:31:09With her career
00:31:09And gave her a life of arm candy
00:31:11Doesn't make her old-fashioned
00:31:12Makes her a fucking moron
00:31:13Oh my god, excuse me
00:31:15I'm sorry, but he never judged my marriage
00:31:17Okay, stop
00:31:18Mary, don't listen to her
00:31:21And you, I've made myself clear
00:31:23I don't think we should do this
00:31:25It's the big deal
00:31:27You already did it
00:31:28And look at you
00:31:29It wasn't like that
00:31:31Really?
00:31:32No
00:31:33You gave him a check, though
00:31:35You gave him a check?
00:31:37Mary
00:31:38Mary, I love you
00:31:40But we're much older than you
00:31:41And there are certain things that happen
00:31:43She has in just a shitty relationship as you
00:31:45Stop justifying this
00:31:47We all know your husband fucked
00:31:48Fine, I fucked him
00:31:50I paid him
00:31:51But I was just trying to help him out
00:31:54He's a decent kid who was having a hard time
00:31:57So why don't you want to help out your kid again?
00:32:00It's the big deal
00:32:01It was a mistake, Judy
00:32:02Oh, please
00:32:04It's a mistake
00:32:05Are you kidding me?
00:32:06It's a mistake now that we want to have some fucking fun
00:32:09But with you, it wasn't a mistake, right?
00:32:13Right
00:32:13No, I mean, no
00:32:16Mary
00:32:17I think it sounds invigorating
00:32:19You know what?
00:32:21Let's just set it up for us
00:32:22And we'll find some new girls for Sam
00:32:24What?
00:32:26I need this
00:32:28We need this
00:32:29Come on
00:32:30You know what?
00:32:30I don't know about this
00:32:32Oh, shut up, Mary
00:32:33When was the last time someone fucked you so hard you couldn't walk?
00:32:35Oh, my God
00:32:37Jesus fucking Christ, Judy
00:32:39You know what?
00:32:39Now that I think about it
00:32:41I think it sounds really fun
00:32:43Are they fit?
00:32:45Fit?
00:32:46And they are willing
00:32:47It's so true
00:32:49There's nothing sweeter than a boy's worship with a female body
00:32:53Excuse me
00:32:53Who are you again?
00:32:56Oh, this is Dominica, darling
00:32:57She's from South America
00:32:58I met her at the PTA last week
00:33:00She's our new BFF
00:33:02By the way, you have a beautiful home
00:33:05So?
00:33:07What do you say?
00:33:08No, no, Fleming, it's not gonna work
00:33:37Hey, babe, I'm off out
00:33:38Tell them to put it on hold
00:33:39What part of no don't you get?
00:33:43Feeling so electric
00:33:45Feeling so electric
00:33:49Welcome to my party
00:33:51Night of the living's home
00:33:53I'm rubbing on a body
00:33:55Me rolling on a molly
00:33:57Rolling on a molly
00:34:01Rolling, roll rolling
00:34:04Let's party till we die
00:34:06Let's party till we die
00:34:08Let's party till we die
00:34:10Let's party till we die
00:34:12No need a reason why
00:34:14Can't stop us, let them try
00:34:16Let's party till we die
00:34:18Let's party till we die
00:34:20I think they wanna meet
00:34:45Let's party till we die
00:34:46Let's party till we die
00:34:48Let's do it
00:34:49Are you ready to rock?
00:34:52Are you ready to rock?
00:34:55So, Judy, right?
00:34:58Yeah
00:34:58So, Judy, what do you think?
00:35:01About what?
00:35:02Come on
00:35:03Let's cut the bullshit
00:35:05Let's get to what we came here for
00:35:06Excuse me?
00:35:12Exactly
00:35:12Sorry about my friend.
00:35:15It's okay.
00:35:16Dude, change it!
00:35:20I like your suit and, uh, I'm feeling these slippers.
00:35:27I've got this too.
00:35:28Very nice.
00:35:29I think you're really handsome.
00:35:31I am?
00:35:32Hmm.
00:35:33Mary.
00:35:34Charles.
00:35:35What a lovely name.
00:35:37So is Mary.
00:35:38I know.
00:35:42Wait!
00:35:44That's perfect!
00:35:45Don't change it.
00:35:46That's perfect.
00:35:48Where is she?
00:35:49Allie!
00:35:50Allie!
00:35:51Allie!
00:35:52Wait, do you know if this reminds me of?
00:35:54Reach out!
00:35:55Come on, Allie!
00:35:56This is awesome!
00:35:58Nothing.
00:35:59Nothing?
00:36:00Nothing.
00:36:01Come on, let me tell them.
00:36:02It's a funny story.
00:36:03Allison had a little more than nothing,
00:36:05with the lead singer up to Peche Mode in her moody early 20s.
00:36:09Do you ever shut up?
00:36:11No.
00:36:12I was a total rock and roll bitch.
00:36:14But...
00:36:15Groupie.
00:36:16Were we groupies?
00:36:17Okay, we were groupies.
00:36:18Oh.
00:36:19But our Allie here was so into Mr. Gohal's personal penis!
00:36:25Shut up, Judy.
00:36:26You just need to relax.
00:36:27He rocked, right?
00:36:28Relax.
00:36:29You relax?
00:36:30Come on, at least we're in a groupie for in excess or something.
00:36:33What the fuck is in excess?
00:36:35Oh, shit.
00:36:36Oh, just drink up, stud.
00:36:39Show me a room.
00:36:40I'm bored.
00:36:41Right now?
00:36:42Yes.
00:36:43Come on.
00:36:44Let's go!
00:36:45Bro, where are you going?
00:36:46I'm gonna share my fucking room.
00:36:47Shit.
00:36:48You wanna go to my room?
00:36:49Okay.
00:36:52You know, guys, uh...
00:36:54We could leave you two alone.
00:36:56You know, if you like.
00:36:57As well.
00:36:58Oh, can we now?
00:36:59Well, I mean, if that's okay with you.
00:37:03Yeah, all right.
00:37:04Why not?
00:37:07Have fun, kids.
00:37:29You know everything.
00:37:30You know everything.
00:37:31Show me what you're working with.
00:37:33Uh-huh.
00:37:34Woo-hoo!
00:37:39You're such a good kiss.
00:37:44Hello.
00:37:46I'm excited.
00:37:50Hold on, hold on.
00:37:51Stop squeezing my tits.
00:37:52Okay.
00:37:53All right.
00:37:54I'm sorry.
00:37:55You're squeezing on my tits.
00:37:56Stop squeezing my tits.
00:37:57Okay.
00:37:58All right.
00:37:59I'm sorry.
00:38:00Yeah.
00:38:01You're squeezing on my tits.
00:38:02I'm not fucking squeezing.
00:38:03Okay, okay.
00:38:04Enrico.
00:38:05Oh, here we are.
00:38:06Oh, my breath.
00:38:07Yeah!
00:38:08Yeah!
00:38:09Yeah!
00:38:10Yeah!
00:38:11Is that Depeche Mode?
00:38:12Is that your...
00:38:14Is that your person in shape?
00:38:15Yeah!
00:38:16Yeah!
00:38:17Yeah!
00:38:18Is that Depeche Mode?
00:38:19Is that your personal Jesus?
00:38:24That's him.
00:38:25My personal penis.
00:38:26Hey, old girl, you look like a twister.
00:38:31The way your hips move when you walk, sister.
00:38:34You wanna tell me what I need to make you mine.
00:38:37I wanna rock you to the beat tonight, tonight.
00:38:40All the girls on the street like rocking to the beat.
00:38:43They like to talk about the boys.
00:38:45Talk about the boys.
00:38:46All the girls on the street like rocking to the beat.
00:38:48They like to talk about the boys.
00:38:51I haven't had to use my rabbit in weeks.
00:38:53It's true.
00:38:54And they're even polite.
00:38:56Really?
00:38:57Mm-hmm.
00:38:58Do they have more friends?
00:39:00My boyfriend just talked to me.
00:39:03Mine too.
00:39:05I thought you were married.
00:39:07Whatever.
00:39:08What?
00:39:09Hawaii?
00:39:10Minnesota.
00:39:11Final fucking four!
00:39:12Right here, babe.
00:39:13I'm a cougar.
00:39:14She's a cougar.
00:39:15We're all cougars.
00:39:16Men of cougars.
00:39:17Don't you wanna bring a cougar too?
00:39:18I'm a cougar.
00:39:19I'm a cougar.
00:39:20She's a cougar.
00:39:21We're all cougars.
00:39:22Men of cougar.
00:39:23Don't you wanna bring a cougar too?
00:39:24I'm a cougar.
00:39:25I'm a cougar.
00:39:26She's a cougar.
00:39:27We're all cougars.
00:39:28Men of cougars.
00:39:29Guess where we're going?
00:39:31What, Hawaii?
00:39:33Minnesota.
00:39:34Final fucking four!
00:39:36Right here, babe.
00:39:59Wow!
00:40:00Cougarlife.com recently voted the wildest...
00:40:04Holy shit!
00:40:06Chuck! Chuck!
00:40:08Chuck, come in here, you gotta check this out!
00:40:10What are you looking at, man?
00:40:11Look at this, Cougar Life.
00:40:13It's a social number for eligible women of a certain age.
00:40:16Dude, it has everything. Look at this, look at this.
00:40:18All right, locations, interest, cup size.
00:40:21God, it's gonna be amazing.
00:40:22It's gonna give us a whole new clientele for all of our new recruits.
00:40:25What new recruits?
00:40:26Just, just watch and learn, okay, Chuck?
00:40:28I don't know, Jimmy. I don't think Sam's gonna like this.
00:40:30Shut the fuck up!
00:40:32We're joining.
00:40:34I will not disappoint you, sirs.
00:40:37I'm Patrick, by the way.
00:40:43Well, Patrick, prepare yourself for a whole new lifestyle.
00:40:58Hey, girl, can I sniff with you?
00:41:00Hell yeah, I wanna get with you.
00:41:01I live out in Malibu, cause New York is less livable.
00:41:04Bird next.
00:41:07Just pop.
00:41:21I live out in Malibu cause New York is less livable
00:41:26Burness you got your momma staring
00:41:28Flip flop with the Donna Cameron
00:41:30Chop flop speakers blaring
00:41:32Fuck the world
00:41:33I'm an American
00:41:34Don't make it difficult
00:41:36My dick is biblical
00:41:38If I wanted to hit it girl
00:41:40I whip it out in your living room
00:41:42This shit got the haters rocking
00:41:44Even Dr. Jermaine's vibing
00:41:46And when the pop gets thick like Robin
00:41:48I get Lil Wayne to spit on my out
00:41:50I get Lil Wayne to spit on my album
00:41:54Try harder
00:41:56Come on, Daddy
00:42:02Tell me if you love me
00:42:03I love you
00:42:04Say it like you mean it
00:42:05I love you
00:42:11This is way better than internet porn
00:42:13Oh, you got me a present
00:42:15What you got that bad? Let me see what you got
00:42:17Turn around and pull down your pants
00:42:19What the fuck you mean? Turn around and pull down my pants. I ain't doing...
00:42:22Now!
00:42:25Sam?
00:42:26Courtney.
00:42:28Hey.
00:42:29Hey.
00:42:30And don't forget little old me.
00:42:31Yeah, hi, Angie.
00:42:32And this is Todd.
00:42:33Todd.
00:42:34Whatever.
00:42:35Met on Facebook.
00:42:36Cool, man.
00:42:37I'm the third wheel.
00:42:39Sounds like fun.
00:42:40Full of words.
00:42:41I can hear you guys.
00:42:43We know.
00:42:44So how about you? What are you doing behind a liquor store at 10pm?
00:42:47Nothing.
00:42:48Really?
00:42:49Port.
00:42:50He's wearing a suit in an alley.
00:42:51Yes, and I can explain.
00:42:53Here you go.
00:42:54Four bottles plus one Alize and one wet.
00:43:04Where were we?
00:43:05You were lying.
00:43:06I knew he was lying.
00:43:07Aren't you supposed to be on a date?
00:43:09Alright, fine.
00:43:10Fine.
00:43:11Todd, let's go hook up in the car.
00:43:13That's what you do on a date.
00:43:14So where is your car?
00:43:15Wow.
00:43:16Yeah.
00:43:17Sorry.
00:43:18I'm a bitch magnet.
00:43:20Must be in the DNA or something.
00:43:22Yeah.
00:43:23By the way, sorry about before.
00:43:25Well, not right before because you are lying and I am going to get to the bottom of that.
00:43:29But you know the before where we were supposed to hang and I didn't show?
00:43:32That before.
00:43:33I bet you thought I flaked.
00:43:35What?
00:43:36No.
00:43:37No, I just, you know, I figured you.
00:43:38Well, it's the thing is my mom.
00:43:39She's, uh, she's been having issues and I've been having to deal with them.
00:43:43Dad thinks it's over which means me and my aggro older brother have to take care of mommy dearest for now.
00:43:48Jesus.
00:43:49Yeah.
00:43:50What can I say?
00:43:52She's a nightmare.
00:43:55But so are a lot of women like that in this town.
00:43:57I mean, you would be surprised on what goes on behind closed doors.
00:44:01So what did you say you were doing again?
00:44:03Whoa, are you, are you okay?
00:44:05Yeah, I think I just broke a champagne bottle.
00:44:10Whoa, are you, uh, having a party or something?
00:44:13Yeah.
00:44:15No.
00:44:16Which one is it?
00:44:17Yes or no?
00:44:19Yes and no.
00:44:20Gotcha.
00:44:21Shit.
00:44:22Wait, look.
00:44:23Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on.
00:44:24Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, look.
00:44:28It's not like that, okay?
00:44:29My buddy Chuck, his mom's sick.
00:44:31We're just gonna hang out, cheer him up, you know, talk shit.
00:44:36Drink champagne?
00:44:38Yeah.
00:44:39You're lying again, aren't you?
00:44:41Yes.
00:44:43What are you really doing?
00:44:46Nothing, okay?
00:44:47I promise it's nothing.
00:44:50Ow!
00:44:51Is that a retainer?
00:44:54Fine.
00:44:55You, uh, wanna grab breakfast with me tomorrow or something?
00:44:58I just asked you out.
00:45:00Is that weird?
00:45:01No, no, no.
00:45:02That's not weird.
00:45:03That's...
00:45:05Great.
00:45:08It's amazing.
00:45:09Um...
00:45:11So, breakfast?
00:45:12Yeah, I'm not promising anything.
00:45:15Just waffles.
00:45:16Oh, and no Angie.
00:45:17That's...
00:45:18Yeah.
00:45:19Oh, well, if there's no Angie, then yeah.
00:45:21Hell yeah.
00:45:22Uh, so, 10 AM, Mets Coffee Shop on 3rd?
00:45:26Great.
00:45:27It's a date.
00:45:28Oh, I mean, it's...
00:45:29I can't wait.
00:45:31Well, you gotta go, right?
00:45:33So...
00:45:34Yeah, I got it.
00:45:41Okay.
00:45:42See you at 10.
00:45:43I'm sorry.
00:45:44It's okay.
00:45:45Yeah.
00:45:46It happens to everybody.
00:45:50So maybe you're just drunk?
00:45:51No, I'm not.
00:45:52You're trying to drink that much.
00:45:53Well, then maybe you should drink.
00:45:54No, I should not drink.
00:45:55Look up.
00:45:56Oh.
00:45:57Oh, God.
00:45:58Oh.
00:45:59Okay.
00:46:00I'm sorry.
00:46:02It's okay.
00:46:03Yeah.
00:46:05It happens to everybody.
00:46:08So maybe you're just drunk?
00:46:10Hm?
00:46:11No, I'm not...
00:46:13I'm trying to drink that much.
00:46:15Well, then maybe you should drink.
00:46:17No, I should not drink.
00:46:19Look up.
00:46:20Okay, I gotta, uh, I gotta tell you something.
00:46:30Okay.
00:46:34I met somebody.
00:46:38Who?
00:46:42Yeah, I met somebody. I haven't done anything with dinner.
00:46:45Or anything.
00:46:46You know, and we haven't even gone out on a date.
00:46:50And I'm not even really sure what's gonna happen with it,
00:46:54but it just kinda got me thinking a little bit, you know?
00:46:57Yeah.
00:47:01What's your thinking, man?
00:47:03But, I mean, you know, if you wanna just...
00:47:07Wait a minute.
00:47:08A couple of minutes or whatever, I'm sure I could...
00:47:11Not that I know how much this means to you.
00:47:20Excuse me?
00:47:22No, wait, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on.
00:47:24Look, that did not come out right, okay?
00:47:26I said that completely wrong.
00:47:28Look, I can't do this like this.
00:47:33I...
00:47:49It's okay.
00:47:50You know what?
00:47:52I gotta take care of my family.
00:47:55And time...
00:47:57Where's the count?
00:47:59I'm just...
00:48:01Can you...
00:48:03Can you wait?
00:48:04Please, just wait.
00:48:05Just...
00:48:08Wait.
00:48:10Wait.
00:48:11They wither with the wind.
00:48:14And they crumble in your hands.
00:48:17I'm just...
00:48:18Can you wait?
00:48:19Please, just wait.
00:48:21Just...
00:48:22Wait.
00:48:26Oh, I'm just...
00:48:28Go ahead.
00:48:30Okay.
00:48:31Once my heart was filled with the love of a girl
00:48:38I looked close but she faded in the night
00:48:44Like a poem I meant to write
00:48:50And the leaves that are green
00:48:55Turn to brown
00:48:58And they wither with the wind
00:49:02And they crumble in your hands
00:49:08You!
00:49:14Sam?
00:49:18Hey.
00:49:18What are you doing, man?
00:49:22Yeah, I just...
00:49:34Oh, you're writing?
00:49:36Yeah.
00:49:37Jesus Christ in a place of worship
00:49:40Sam Lowell, I never thought I'd see the day
00:49:42Thanks, too, I'm his brother
00:49:43Oh, hey, I got you a check last week
00:49:45Oh, you did good
00:49:46Yeah, yeah, yeah, so it work good?
00:49:48Yeah, it works, you know, it's work, it's good
00:49:50Yeah, yeah, yeah
00:49:51You want to grab something to eat?
00:49:53I think the last shuttle's pretty cramped
00:49:55I'll take you wherever you want to go
00:49:57And you can tell me all about how they screwed up the village
00:49:59Sounds good, man, but I got...
00:50:03I got...
00:50:04I got...
00:50:05I got...
00:50:06I got...
00:50:07I got...
00:50:08I got...
00:50:09I got...
00:50:10I got...
00:50:11I got...
00:50:12I got...
00:50:13Work
00:50:14Work
00:50:16You're working now?
00:50:17Well, like, well, not like this work
00:50:19But I do have, like, work, work a little bit
00:50:22Chuck's dad
00:50:24Needs me to, like, drive around some of his business associates
00:50:29Acting as, like, a valet
00:50:31I don't even really know what the hell that means
00:50:33But I think I gotta wear tux
00:50:36Tux?
00:50:37Fuck
00:50:39Sorry
00:50:41All right, well, maybe another time
00:50:43You know what?
00:50:45I'd like to have you over to the house for dinner sometime
00:50:47Introduce you to my family
00:50:49Yeah, man, I'd love to meet your family
00:50:52Really?
00:50:53Yeah
00:50:55All right
00:50:57Well, you have a...
00:50:59Fun time at work
00:51:01Uh, shut off the light when you're done
00:51:04Yeah
00:51:05There's a switch right over here
00:51:07Okay
00:51:08Mm-hmm
00:51:16So what do you think of him?
00:51:22Strong hands, nice lips
00:51:26I definitely approve
00:51:28A balloon boy
00:51:29Mm-hmm
00:51:30He's a child
00:51:31And what the fuck is Chuck?
00:51:33Cuck don't have an age, Mary
00:51:35It's true
00:51:37You know what? Fuck this
00:51:39I'm gonna divorce and marry someone my own age
00:51:43Well, that's a little overdramatic
00:51:47Right?
00:51:49I don't know what our fucking problem is
00:51:51So, seriously?
00:51:53How much did they get cost?
00:51:55I think you can get him for five
00:51:57Fuck yeah
00:51:58That's just a charity cake
00:52:00Look at Allie
00:52:03That bitch
00:52:05She is gonna fuck him and not even tell us
00:52:07Allie
00:52:08Woo!
00:52:09Over here, girlfriend
00:52:11Allie
00:52:14Hey, Rose
00:52:16Ooh
00:52:17Aren't you yummy
00:52:18I'm Judy
00:52:19Jesus
00:52:20What?
00:52:21Jesus
00:52:22So, where have you been?
00:52:27I've missed you
00:52:29Sorry, I've just been really busy with Riley
00:52:33Really?
00:52:34You've been busy with a fucking three-year-old?
00:52:37Give me a break
00:52:39Fucking bullshit
00:52:40Uh-uh
00:52:41Is he...
00:52:42Nothing, you're busy, you're busy
00:52:43Sorry, you're busy with Riley
00:52:44You're busy with the balloon boy
00:52:45Whatever else you're doing
00:52:46Dude, what the hell are you talking?
00:52:49What are you talking about?
00:52:50Dude
00:52:51You're trash at my son's birthday party
00:52:53You're having a good time
00:52:54No, I'm trying to scope out teenagers for your weekly hotel party
00:52:58Oh yeah?
00:52:59Well, it's not at a hotel anymore, babe
00:53:01What?
00:53:02They moved it
00:53:04For your information
00:53:06To get a rental
00:53:08What?
00:53:09Mary Harris getting a divorce, by the way
00:53:11Judy
00:53:12Fuck's sake
00:53:14Nicely done
00:53:17Thank you
00:53:18Enjoy the cake
00:53:20Fucking party, pooper
00:53:23Sam
00:53:31Oh shit, what do I do?
00:53:35Just relax
00:53:36Sam, over here
00:53:38Don't be a fucking rat
00:53:41He's not a fucking rat, bro
00:53:43Sam
00:53:45What's up, man?
00:53:47Take a walk with me
00:53:51Hop on
00:54:03Excuse me?
00:54:04I need to talk to you about something
00:54:06You do?
00:54:08Yes
00:54:09I do
00:54:11Right, uh, well here's the thing
00:54:15See, I'm supposed to go into town with my buddies
00:54:18And I've never really been on a motorcycle before
00:54:20So
00:54:21Just jump on the goddamn bike
00:54:23So what'd you want to talk to me about?
00:54:39Quit your job
00:54:41What?
00:54:43Look, Dad, before we go any further, man
00:54:47I think I should explain something
00:54:49I got a scholarship for you
00:54:51What?
00:54:53I got a scholarship for you
00:54:55I told Bruce, fuck you
00:54:57Told the board, fuck you
00:54:59I'm the boss
00:55:01Give this kid a scholarship
00:55:02He deserves it
00:55:03And they did it
00:55:05So you can quit your job
00:55:07Go back to studying now
00:55:09Thank you
00:55:10I thought I was in trouble
00:55:11No, no
00:55:12I'm just fucking with you
00:55:13Are you in trouble?
00:55:16I'm just fucking with you
00:55:21Are you in trouble?
00:55:31Uniforms
00:55:32Put them on
00:55:33There's a bathroom
00:55:34You can use it if you want to
00:55:36To change, but remember
00:55:38Real women like the fantasy of youth
00:55:41White is like heaven
00:55:44Real women like heaven
00:55:45like heaven and boys you're about to be dealing with some real women jimmy what the fuck
00:55:52hey i'm sorry i started what are you talking about everyone say hello to your founding father sam
00:55:59we gotta talk everyone talks amongst yourself for a second
00:56:09look we gotta shut this down what you fucking ratted on us didn't get at look he doesn't know
00:56:16anything back off god look guys we gotta quit while we're ahead here why because he took me
00:56:23out and he told me that he was gonna pay for my tuition that's why fucking dan fox dan look man
00:56:28he's a cool guy okay and i i don't want to betray his trust anymore and it's the right fucking thing
00:56:34to do jimmy i agree this whole thing is just aversive at first i thought mary loved me
00:56:39and i found out she just wanted me for my body yeah and last week dominica used a dildo
00:56:45on me bro so what who gives a shit open up your eyes brothers this little thing that we started
00:56:54has turned into something bigger than we could ever imagine sam this is a cash cow business here okay
00:57:01i mean if we keep this up bro we can start franchising soon franchising
00:57:04patrick's got a guy in connecticut whose dad owns like a chain of hotels what do you mean patrick i
00:57:10thought you hated that guy jimmy what an opportunity knocked he's gonna take it this is our chance to
00:57:14big leagues with it james come on man it'll be fine let's just put this puppy to sleep man
00:57:20fine but guys for me please okay we can end it just give me tonight okay i mean there's sam there's people
00:57:29at the door we can't cancel the recruits are all dressed up and excited teddy what do you say
00:57:33you've known me the longest what do you say one more night one more party all of us together
00:57:38fuck the girls fuck the bullshit please celebrate huh fine fine yeah okay but look i'm serious man
00:57:48there's no more lying no more lying after tonight one more night of lying bring it in
00:57:53sam portney oh shit what are you doing here i was just walking my dog and i thought i saw my mom
00:58:09come up here it's your mom no it's it's impossible um do you live around here uh yeah like a block away
00:58:20no shit so what are you doing here um chuck's parents are in town and they're doing a little
00:58:28bingo for cancer thing we're just helping out oh cool yeah wait what are you what are you doing
00:58:33i'll help what do you mean you're gonna help well i'm done with homework you're here i'm here
00:58:42i'll help you know what um how about this if you don't have anything else to do
00:58:48they don't really need me in there why don't we just go back to your place
00:58:53yeah yeah i mean as much as i love just hooking up in the back of your prius
00:59:00you know we've been dating a little over a month and i've never seen your place
00:59:05what do you say
00:59:09headmaster fox is your dad oh shit you didn't know i thought everyone knew no i'm new
00:59:39oh that's right well that's my dad and that's my train wreck of a mother congratulations on
00:59:47your ignorance now you get to do the dean's daughter
00:59:49sweet hang on
00:59:51oh come on sean my brother
00:59:57yep here he's a total dick at school
01:00:00yeah you can say that
01:00:02so now that we're done with the genealogy what do you think of my new bra sexy i got matching pants
01:00:12wait wait wait wait wait a second
01:00:14hi just don't worry my dad's working late at your school
01:00:17and you did say you want to maximize the space in my room versus my hybrid toaster
01:00:22so let's maximize
01:00:24come here i gotta kinda tell you something
01:00:27you're a virgin
01:00:29no
01:00:30great neither am i and i'm really horny and my bed is really comfy and we've waited a month
01:00:35so speak now if i ever hold your peace
01:00:37what is it
01:00:41doesn't matter
01:00:55i fell in love with the girl
01:01:04she tastes like lemonade
01:01:07she tastes like lemonade
01:01:11oh shit
01:01:33oh my god
01:01:36good morning sir
01:01:38this is the girl sans straight jacket
01:01:43daniel
01:01:46this is perfect
01:01:49you know each other
01:01:53what is going on
01:01:54i found your mother at a high school party down the street with a 17 year old boy
01:02:0018
01:02:01classy
01:02:03i should probably go
01:02:06no no no
01:02:07why don't you stay will you
01:02:08damn
01:02:12yeah
01:02:13sam man
01:02:15so sam
01:02:28you have anything to do with this
01:02:33huh
01:02:38because judy's date was your little dick friend jimmy
01:02:42i am
01:02:43i am
01:02:43uh-huh
01:02:47yeah maybe he was with me last night
01:02:53as you can see
01:02:54as you can see
01:02:58it seems like
01:02:59it seems like everybody was getting laid last night and i got fucked
01:03:04so
01:03:06so
01:03:09want to get some breakfast
01:03:10no thank you sir
01:03:12damn
01:03:13no thanks man i'm good
01:03:14judy i'd like to pick up on that conversation we were having over eggs and bacon
01:03:20fuck you
01:03:21fuck you
01:03:22fuck you
01:03:22or not
01:03:23all right
01:03:31want any two lovebirds work it out
01:03:35you know
01:03:40you know
01:03:41talks amongst yourselves
01:03:42talks amongst yourselves
01:03:48what were you doing
01:03:50what were you doing at that house last night
01:03:52i need to know
01:03:57i don't know
01:03:58you really think you can i don't know your way out of my family drama
01:04:03well
01:04:06what it's not what you think okay
01:04:08what do i think sam
01:04:10i don't know what you think i don't know
01:04:12shit look i'm sorry
01:04:18just leave
01:04:19you okay
01:04:43now please
01:04:46courtney look
01:04:54get out
01:04:54we're done
01:05:17dream's over bro
01:05:18i'm sorry man i really fucked this one up
01:05:23no we all fucked up
01:05:25just a little louder
01:05:28hey
01:05:32do me a favor if you see courtney
01:05:35i'll just say hi to judy for me
01:05:38you're such an asshole jimmy
01:05:40i'm sorry i have feelings butt dick
01:05:43sam
01:05:50allison
01:05:51allison
01:05:51allison
01:05:53all the time that i'm feeling right
01:05:55i'm singing through the burning night
01:05:58bet you think that's my husband don't you
01:06:00i don't know
01:06:04he's a friend someone
01:06:09my subcontractor
01:06:12oh that's the subcontractor
01:06:13okay
01:06:14so hey
01:06:17where you headed
01:06:19i think i go live by the beach
01:06:39or in the mountains through the frozen reach
01:06:42or in the city where nothing's moving slow
01:06:56only time that i'm feeling right
01:06:59i'm singing through the burning night
01:07:02i love your hair
01:07:07you look man i can explain
01:07:14what's there to explain
01:07:15you broke my sister's heart
01:07:18you stole my dad from me
01:07:22fuck
01:07:24i wanna give him something
01:07:37i'm gonna give him something
01:07:40hey
01:07:45hey
01:07:46You're not a black guy?
01:07:57Yeah.
01:07:59Um, look, here's the thing.
01:08:05My friends are gone.
01:08:09Um, your daughter won't talk to me and I can barely look you in the eyes anymore.
01:08:16Um, I can't concentrate in class.
01:08:19I can't concentrate outside of class.
01:08:21Your son just came and kicked the ever-living shit out of me and I can't write anymore.
01:08:26So I'm just going to, uh, talk for a minute and you can just shut me up whenever you feel like, okay?
01:08:34Go ahead, go ahead.
01:08:36All right, so my friends, you know, the ones who are pulling all their money together to pay for my tuition,
01:08:46um, that money that we pulled together was dirty.
01:08:54Right.
01:08:55So what I'm basically trying to tell you is that, uh, we started an escort service that catered to your wife and all of her friends
01:09:01and I swear to God, I had no idea that it was your, that it was your wife and her friends or just fucking...
01:09:13Once this whole thing started, man, I couldn't, I couldn't stop it.
01:09:17I really, really...
01:09:18It was going just really well and then you came and you told me that you got the school to pay for my tuition and I felt awful.
01:09:28I just felt fucking awful and I wanted to tell you about it but I couldn't, I, I, I, I didn't tell you about it.
01:09:37So then I went to the rental house where we would, you know, do everything and I tried to stop it
01:09:43but I didn't stop it there because I figured, what the fuck, one night, one night, one more time,
01:09:50let's have, let's have one more time, we'll go one more time, but, but, but it wasn't, it's not going to be one more time.
01:09:59Even if you hadn't caught us, it wasn't going to be one more time, you know,
01:10:02and the only reason you didn't catch me was because I was, I was out alone with you.
01:10:06I was, I was at your house, your house with your fucking daughter.
01:10:14Postscript, I had no idea it was your daughter but...
01:10:20I, I, I tried to come clean with her and...
01:10:27I don't know man, I'm just really fucking lost and I know...
01:10:32She's probably just super pissed and, and, and you don't care but...
01:10:46Are you rolling a joint?
01:10:47Are you rolling a joint?
01:10:53I'm gonna sit.
01:11:04You're not even mad?
01:11:05Kinda.
01:11:10Nah, not really.
01:11:12No.
01:11:15Come on man, I knew what was going on.
01:11:20You did.
01:11:21Huh?
01:11:22You did?
01:11:23Well of course I did.
01:11:24Find all your buddies with a bunch of older women and magical cash.
01:11:28I mean I'm stupid but I'm not a fucking idiot.
01:11:33You know what?
01:11:34He said it.
01:11:36You didn't fuck my wife.
01:11:38You didn't know Courtney was my daughter.
01:11:42And you did what you needed to do to stay here.
01:11:45So now what?
01:11:46Now what what?
01:11:47You gonna kick me out of school?
01:11:49Nah.
01:11:51Your friends?
01:11:53They took the heat for you.
01:11:56Anyway, you know what?
01:11:58You've been kicked out of too many schools.
01:12:01So I told the new headmaster that...
01:12:04Whoa, hang on.
01:12:05What do you mean new headmaster?
01:12:06Oh yeah.
01:12:09I resigned this morning.
01:12:14A new headmaster is English.
01:12:18I hear he wears bow ties.
01:12:23So...
01:12:25You can stay here.
01:12:27Your scholarship is safe.
01:12:29Look man, thank you.
01:12:30But...
01:12:36I have absolutely no interest in staying here.
01:12:42Without you or my friends.
01:12:44So...
01:12:46I figured as much.
01:12:57You know what? You're gonna be alright.
01:12:58I don't know about that.
01:13:00No, you're gonna be alright man.
01:13:02I know.
01:13:05Really.
01:13:12So what are you gonna do about your family?
01:13:15Well...
01:13:17Look at that family.
01:13:19My family's had problems.
01:13:21For a long time.
01:13:22Way before you came.
01:13:25And Judy and I, well...
01:13:26We were done years ago.
01:13:31Sean.
01:13:33He's a troubled kid.
01:13:37Feel responsible for all that trouble he has.
01:13:42But that's the gift the father gives a son.
01:13:46Resentment and scorn.
01:13:50He'll be alright.
01:13:51He'll come on.
01:13:52Like when he's 29.
01:13:53And that little girl of mine...
01:13:56I don't worry about her one bit.
01:14:00She...
01:14:02Has got it all man.
01:14:04Got it all that girl.
01:14:05Got it all that girl.
01:14:17So what about you?
01:14:18Me?
01:14:22Well me...
01:14:25Can I ask you a question?
01:14:27Yeah.
01:14:28Seriously.
01:14:30Do you think I'm too old to go back on the road?
01:14:32No, I'm just wrapping it up.
01:14:35Oh, I'm gonna double bag it.
01:14:37Oh yeah.
01:14:38I ain't making that mistake again.
01:14:40Hey.
01:14:42Do a bro salad, will ya?
01:14:44Yeah.
01:14:45You take Jet Blue out of Ontario home tonight?
01:14:52Okay.
01:14:54Good.
01:14:56Alright.
01:14:58Remember.
01:15:00Heroes aren't born.
01:15:02They're cornered.
01:15:03They're cornered.
01:15:07Bukowski.
01:15:08Mickey Rooney.
01:15:11Come on.
01:15:12Good night.
01:15:13Oh.
01:15:14That's good.
01:15:15I play so good when I'm high.
01:15:16Everything's gonna be alright.
01:15:20Everything's gonna be alright.
01:15:21Everything's gonna be alright.
01:15:22Everything's gonna be alright.
01:15:23Everything's gonna be alright.
01:15:25Everything's gonna be alright.
01:15:26Everything's gonna be alright now.
01:15:27Everything's gonna be alright now.
01:15:28Everything's gonna be alright now.
01:15:29Everything's gonna be alright.
01:15:30Oh.
01:15:31Oh.
01:15:32Oh.
01:15:33I play so good when I'm high.
01:15:37Everything's gonna be all right.
01:15:39Everything's gonna be all right.
01:15:41Everything's gonna be all right now.
01:15:44Everything's gonna be all right. Whoa.
01:15:53Excuse me. Sorry.
01:15:56Hi.
01:15:58Hey, you need some help?
01:16:00Sam?
01:16:03It's the worst opening line ever.
01:16:16So what are you doing taking my flight home?
01:16:19Your flight, huh?
01:16:22Well, if you must know, I'm gonna be living with my dad's parents in the village for the last year and a half of high school.
01:16:28I hear they're eccentric artists, so that's cool.
01:16:31That's cool.
01:16:34You really don't have to help me with that. It's fine.
01:16:36Yes, I do.
01:16:39Okay, by the way, how the hell do you plan on getting all these bags past security?
01:16:43I'm crafting.
01:16:44Crafty?
01:16:46Well, if you would like to ensure safe passage of your bags, maybe you should let me take one.
01:16:51We can just say we're together.
01:16:53Okay.
01:16:54It's cool. It's my bag.
01:16:55Yeah, maybe.
01:16:56Yeah, maybe, you know.
01:17:01Okay.
01:17:03Okay.
01:17:04Baby's okay.
01:17:05So.
01:17:06So.
01:17:07So.
01:17:23What's your real story, Sam Lowell?
01:17:24I don't know.
01:17:32Five hours to kill.
01:17:33As we swim to shore through these raging seas...
01:17:44Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
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