Skip to playerSkip to main content
  • 4 months ago
Some ideas are so dumb that WWE only did them once, and for a company that's produced THREE Punjabi Prison matches, that is SAYING SOMETHING.

00:00 - Start
01:17 - 10
02:07 - 9
03:03 - 8
04:06 - 7
05:14 - 6
06:07- 5
07:06 - 4
07:58 - 3
08:52 - 2
09:49 - 1

10 Worst Authority Figures In Wrestling History - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciRK3jb5wY0

SUBSCRIBE TO partsFUNknown: https://bit.ly/2J2Hl6q
TWITTER: https://twitter.com/partsfunknown
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/partsfunknown/
Buy wrestling merchandise here: https://www.wrestleshop.com/
Read more Feature content here on WrestleTalk.com: https://wrestletalk.com/features/
Transcript
00:00As the ancient WWE proverb goes, if a bad idea is worth doing once, then it's worth doing
00:04several times. Because bloody hell, it's hard to write over seven hours of wrestling a week.
00:08There's a lot of fun to be had remembering all the ass-bobbing stipulations that WWE have dropped
00:13at our feet like a cat depositing half a bird on your pillow in the morning. But it gets even
00:16weirder when you consider that some of their very worst ideas happened on multiple occasions. There
00:21have been three Punjabi prison matches, and that's the wrestling equivalent of Scrofula.
00:26Somehow, there's been more than one hogpen match in WWE history, Triple H vs. The Godwin,
00:31and a handicap hogpen match, I think. Because sure, why not? Even the much-mocked Ambrose
00:36Asylum match was technically done twice. Adam Cole and Johnny Gargano blew off their feud
00:40in NXT in a crazy cage lined with silly weapons at TakeOver Toronto. So trawling through the
00:45big dubs history to find stupid ideas if only done once has actually been really hard. But
00:49I did my best, gang. For you. Always for you. Hate this life. I'm Adam Haling from Parts
00:54Unknown. Here are our 10 stupidest one-time WWE stipulations.
00:58Honorable mention, Kennel from Hell. Because we mention it all the time. Every list mentions
01:03it all the time. Two cages, dogs in between, the dogs did a poopy instead of, I honestly
01:09don't know what WWE expected the dogs to do. This time around, I tried to get a list of
01:1210 things that either you've completely forgotten or at least aren't mentioned all the time.
01:16So there.
01:17Number 10. Stairs match. Ladder matches are the best. Tables matches are the second best.
01:22Chairs matches are bad when the Big Show isn't bringing out a hilarious giant chair state of
01:27that prop comedy. But the distant worst TLC stip ever created is the stairs match. Very
01:32much the Zeppo of the quartet. Although that's unfair, Zeppo Marks was actually secretly great.
01:36At TLC 2014, WWE tested adding a fourth member to the vaunted TLC trio, much like how Resonda
01:42Chili Thomas was added to TLC in real life. But this time there were much worse results.
01:47The stairs match blew the fat one with the two slowest wrestlers on the roster, Eric Rowan and Big Show,
01:51having the slowest match of all time, slowly bonking each other with some steps for somehow
01:56over 10 minutes. Only so many things you can do with steps, turns out. And when the whole
02:00running through a wall of them spot didn't even slightly pop the crowd, WWE knew the gimmick
02:04was dead in the water.
02:06Number 9. Look. Sexy women.
02:08There's just so many one-off look sexy women WWE stipulations. Throw a bunch of nouns together,
02:14throw a bunch of women together, and then hint at tits until Jerry Lawler dies. Job done. Dignity
02:19for all. There's the Hojack match between Mark Henry and Godfather, a lumberjack match
02:23but with a million sex workers surrounding the ring for some kind of sexual chocolate
02:27mind games. The Four Corners Evening Gown Pool match at Armageddon 1999, where the WWE Women's
02:33Championship was decided by who got their wet dress ripped off last in an incomprehensible
02:38maelstrom of splashing. The Thong Stinkface match between Kat and Terry at SummerSlam 2000,
02:43where the loser was whoever was the first to have their opponent's arsehole rubbed in their
02:46face, and then the over-the-top, off-with-the-top match on Raw in 2000, where Lawler wrestled
02:52Dean Malenko, Lawler represented the cat, Malenko repped Terry, and if either man got thrown over
02:56the top rope, their woman had to take off some clothing. Fun fact, that match saw the very first
03:01appearance of the right-to-sensor gimmick.
03:02Number 8. Summer Games Relay Match.
03:05Ah, the Olympics, you know, that thing we pretend to care about every four years. Now that I've
03:09ensured that the comments of this video would be full of people pretending to care about watching
03:13people run for 200 meters, I can talk about this long-forgotten stipulation WWE aired on
03:18SmackDown in 2004 to coincide with the Athens Olympics. They called it the Summer Games Relay
03:23Match, because if they used the word Olympics, the IOC would have sued the living dick off
03:26them, and it featured John Cena, Charlie Haas, and RVD vs. Booker T, Rene Dupree, and Luther
03:31Reigns. It was a weird mashup of sort of war games, sort of six-man tag, but also it was a singles
03:37match. Stay with me. The match would start with two men in the ring, but then every five minutes,
03:42if no one had won, one of the teams could swap out a team member with a fresh man, creating a new
03:47singles match, and then after five more minutes, the other team could swap out a man, the fresh
03:51man advantage, sort of, of war games, but without any escalation. It was so stop to start, and of
03:57course, it was long, really long, so that everyone in the match could wrestle, and it just killed the
04:01crowd. Fair play for trying something new, but Lord, was it a long time for a little payoff.
04:06Number 7. Amateur Wrestling Challenge. You know what wrestling needs? Victory points. As a board game,
04:11you might expect me to clap my playing card calloused hands together at the concept of
04:15points-based wrestling, but no, it's confusing to the point being utterly tedious, and that's not
04:19what board games are about at all. Shut up, it isn't. In January 2011, Jack Swagger wrestled Kofi
04:24Kingston in the One & Done Amateur Wrestling Challenge, because Jack Swagger's entire gimmick has always
04:29been, can actually wrestle a bit, so it doesn't matter about any of his other flaws. Stop thinking
04:34about his other flaws. The rules are, two points for a takedown, one point for a reversal,
04:39one point for an escape, two points for having their opponent's shoulders down, but you could
04:43also win by pinfall or whoever has most points at the end of three minutes. Easy, right? Well,
04:48in theory, I suppose, but most of the fans aren't able to recognize these things as they happen in
04:52real time, and the commentators couldn't even, so the two men just sort of tussled for a while,
04:57as points seem to arbitrarily tick up for almost no reaction, as even the commentators are confused,
05:02and they have to ask each other, wait, was that a point? Wait, was that two points? At one point,
05:06the match even stops, so Swagger could tell the ref that his points are wrong, and that he should
05:10have two more, and the ref just shrugs and gives them to him. It's f***ing awful TV.
05:14Number six, crybaby match. Dignity, you can't buy it. So Razor and Ramon had a famous rivalry with
05:19the 1-2-3 Kid and the new generation. 1-2-3 Kid actually got that name, because he was the jobber,
05:23who got a shocking 1-2-3 pinfall over Razor on Raw, and possibly the first all-time great Raw
05:29moment in history. Over the next few years, Razor and 1-2-3 Kid would feud, team up, be friends,
05:34be enemies, until 1996, and in your house six. See, 1-2-3 Kid had turned heel to join the million
05:40dollar corporation. Razor couldn't have that. Instead of a normal match, though, a pay-per-view,
05:44because I guess 1-2-3 Kid is slightly smaller than other men, which automatically makes him a
05:48little actual child boy in WWE's eyes. So they had a crybaby match, where the loser would have to
05:53wear a diaper. Kid lost, Ramon straddled him, and affixed him with a nappy, and you don't come back
05:58from that. And he didn't. 1-2-3 Kid left for WCW shortly afterwards. Before returning as X-Pac,
06:03don't mention nappies anymore. Please don't.
06:07Number 5, Gulf of Mexico match. This one's really dumb. So remember WWE ECW when the big
06:12dub took the once most idiosyncratic promotion in the 90s and turned it into essentially the
06:16first run of WWE main event? Like, as a borderline developmental brand? Sure, okay, but there was a
06:22significant lack of extreme in ECW. You know what? If all the extreme rules are as weird as the Gulf of
06:27Mexico match, that's fine. Charvo Guerrero was ECW champion and feuding with CM Punk as ECW,
06:32you came to Corpus Christi, Texas, to an arena that was next to the Gulf of Mexico. So the two
06:37men had a match. The rules were the first person to throw their opponent in the river won. Simple
06:40as that. Like, the match wasn't actually, like, terrible. Slightly dull. Walk. Punch. Walk some
06:46more. Punch. But like the boss, they went down. To the river. And into the river. Charvo. Dived.
06:53Well, fell after a GTS, but same difference. Hope he didn't swallow any of that water. Anyway,
06:57even though WWE has been back to Corpus Christi multiple times, most recently for SmackDown in
07:012018, they never did another Gulf of Mexico match because, well, you wouldn't.
07:06Number four, broken glass arm wrestling match. Bloody hell WWE loved doing the arm wrestling
07:10segment, and it always ends the exact same f***ing way. The face and heel, back and forth it for a
07:15while. Looks like the heel's gonna lose, so they blindside the face and toss aside the table.
07:19Like, every single f***ing time. But hey, I'll give them props for this time around. They tried
07:24something they'd never done before, or since. In an August 2008 episode of SmackDown, Triple H was
07:29feuding with the great Carly. Poor lad. And ahead of their SummerSlam match, they met for an arm
07:33wrestling match, with the twist being that sheets of broken glass would be set on the table, and
07:37you'd win by smashing your opponent's hand into the shards. Like, damn WWE, when'd you get so gnarly?
07:42This was after WWE went PG as well. God damn. So Triple H cut a promo on Ranjin Singh, where he called
07:47him Onion a bunch. That holds up. Sure, why not? And then the two arm wrestled. It looked like Carly would
07:51lose, so he blindsided Triple H and tossed the table aside, rendering the one-and-done stip
07:56utterly pointless. Number three, the House of Horrors match. I love this match so much. It is
08:01such pure awful bulls***, but that tractor is iconic. That haunted tractor is my president. Bray Wyatt
08:07and Randy Orton were having a Bray Wyatt feud, so there were houses being burned down, maggots in the
08:11ring, incomprehensible promos. You know how it be. And it ended in a House of Horrors match, a cinematic
08:16match set in Bray's spooky house. And by cinematic, I mean Jackbox trivia murder party,
08:21the movie, when you just take everything that's air-quote scary and shoved it in a house.
08:26Decapitated dolls, flickering lights, headache-inducing editing, Jinder Mahal holding the
08:30WWE Championship, which is f***ing chilling, and a dirty fridge. As a match, it's dreadful,
08:35mostly just Randy Orton walking around a house belonging to history's least original serial
08:38killer, followed by punching, grunting, and Bray Wyatt saying things like,
08:41Welcome to hell, sure, Bray. As a one-off piece of crap wrestling, it is so very funny. I'll never be
08:47truly mad at it. If Bray Wyatt does return to WWE, please do it again. Please.
08:512. Mini Royal Rumble
08:53WWE has something of a checkered past with mini wrestling. On one hand, in the mid-90s,
08:57whenever mini wrestlers would appear on screen, they would essentially be treated
09:00like children. Because there's nothing that little people like more than jumping on adults laps like
09:04it's Christmas time and all the adults in the world are Saint Nick. You had the short-lived juniors
09:08division on SmackDown in 2005 that featured super talented mini wrestlers from around the world,
09:12but gave them a logo that looked like a rejected Nickelodeon show. I mean, they're adult people,
09:16WWE. Why are you like this? On the other hand, the WLC match f***ing slapped, and is possibly the
09:21only time that the Hornswoggle character has been unironically entertaining. This match here falls
09:25bang between the two extremes. A Royal Rumble populated by mini wrestlers, namely Hornswoggle,
09:30and the mini version of famous wrestlers. Mini Mr. Kennedy, Mini Batista, Mini Kane, ludicrous.
09:36And then, because WWE is to comedy what a hammer is to an egg, out comes the great Carly at the end,
09:40to also take part. Just ascends into a brawl between him and Finlay. It's very stupid,
09:44kind of endearing, sort of, but there's a lazy finish, and it's never seen again.
09:48And number one, eye for an eye match. Of course, you could see what WWE were trying to do here.
09:53Something, anything to make pandemic wrestling actually sound like something that you would
09:57want to watch. They went a bit mad for a while back there, throwing insane ideas at the wall as
10:01the audience slipped away, because who wants to watch wrestling without a crowd, and who wants to watch
10:04wrestling in a f***ing global health crisis. The greatest wrestling match ever,
10:08boneyard match, the money in the bank in WWE's office headquarters. Like, these are actually
10:12quite ambitious, fun ideas. They're so off the wall, they generate a kind of hype through sheer
10:16curiosity. And then, there's the eye for an eye match, where you can only win by removing one of
10:21your opponent's eyes. An idea so actually gruesome that A, no one wanted to see it, and B, no one
10:26actually expected it to happen. So, the perfect storm of anti-hype. What's worse than that, before the
10:31wrestlers eventually had to grapple with the gimmick itself, the match went hard. Rollins and Mysterio are
10:35brilliant together, but yeah, Rey Mysterio's table tennis ball that he apparently keeps in his mask
10:40for good luck popped out, sort of, a bit, and then it was over. What a stupid thing. Thanks,
10:45WWE. Here's hoping that when Extreme Rules comes around in October, they have a kill your opponent
10:50with a gun match. That would be equally fun. And that's our list. What's your favourite terrible
10:54wrestling stipulation? Let us know in the comments. Don't forget to like and subscribe to Parts
10:58For Known for more silly wrestling content. Never forget to jam that jam.
11:05Dolls for as a bit.
Comments

Recommended