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00:00just so everybody knows i'm breathing in fumes right now oh because my i had to start the beast
00:05up that's great i had to start the beast i love that because what happens is all that carbon
00:09monoxide sits right here right now so i'm getting high that's what those fans are i've gotten to do
00:14amazing things about five of my friends houses you know i've got to help brendan when brendan
00:19needed help you know i've got to like be there for my friends i'll have help with my mortgage
00:23at my house you just really need it bro i mean i need to feel i need to feel bring it brian i need
00:31to feel that you really need it she's so much stronger than brian but i mean brian if you can
00:37brian could do that just like this not a chance she did hold it up though so that's pretty impressive
00:46i don't like this podcast here's here's some bodies for you brian i want to quit right now
00:52every week brian callen gets closer and closer to walking out on brendan's shop and quitting the
00:59fighter and the kid we've passed the low energy phase of the podcast now we've moved into brendan's
01:05last-ditch effort to save the thick boy empire by getting rich dudes on the show and begging them
01:11for money i honestly didn't think they would last this long when they moved to texas but now it looks
01:16like they're running on fumes literally but i'll get to their latest guest aubrey marcus in a
01:22moment for those of you who don't know who he is he's one of papa rogan's former business partners
01:28the guy who founded on it he brought on tall and funny scientist joe rogan to collaborate on the
01:34now infamous alpha brain supplement and then sold the whole company to global personal care corporation
01:40unilever during the pandemic for over 200 million dollars however like i was just saying all is not
01:48well in the lone star state because brian is getting sick and tired of having to put up with
01:53brendan's constant exaggerations and fake hype over his latest discoveries styles switch barbecue why do
02:02you say it's good because i i have to be honest dude you're one of those guys you annoy me because
02:05you'll be like the best wings the best pizza i'm like it's just wings yeah no their wings were good
02:11but um that's like brendan's equivalent to andrew schultz's epiphanies when he figures something out
02:17for himself it's the next best thing and he cannot wait to tell everyone about it you know like a child
02:24and that's the ongoing theme with brandon it seems like the more things slip away from him the more
02:30immature and juvenile he becomes there's a segment in the podcast with aubrey marcus later on that i'll play
02:36for you where if you close your eyes it feels like you're back in middle school all over again
02:41except then you open your eyes and realize you're watching three grown men dressed like teenage
02:46fuck boys unironically talking out of their asses but the thing for brian callen is that he's clearly
02:53struggling financially and the daily grind of having to turn up to brendan's storage unit to record
02:58the podcast twice a week while being forced to inhale fumes from bupah's beast of a trug and then
03:05slogging it out at the comedy mothership where he's constantly workshopping new material that
03:10doesn't seem to land well it's all starting to weigh on him for brian everything's a business
03:16transaction for him now aubrey marcus i haven't seen you in way too long i've been here more than four
03:22months i know bro but we get to a certain age buddy where it's like if we ain't making money uh we're
03:27not if we're not doing business or learning it's hard to just hang out when i'm i'm too old hanging out
03:33i got kids i got kids ob didn't have kids right yeah that's how we're starting comedy podcast these
03:40days i'm sorry i haven't seen you since i moved to texas i couldn't justify it financially but we
03:46shouldn't be too hard on callen it must be hard to support five separate families while still living
03:52in the shadows of all the allegations that were leveled at you a few years ago forcing you to work
03:57for a guy you clearly despise as you cruise into your 60s with no end in sight and now that brian
04:04called out joe rogan for cosplaying as a scientist on the recent fight companion i'd say his opportunities
04:10at the mothership are drying up too personally i'm sad for him i really wanted this move to texas to
04:17work out for him so he could finally escape from captivity and leave brendan behind once and for all
04:23just like theo von did but the thing is i'd rather watch the fighter and the kid die a long slow death
04:29of 1000 tiny cuts until the lights literally go out in the middle of a pod oh no wait that already
04:36happened but all jokes aside no pun intended their most recent episode with aubrey marcus was eye-opening
04:42to say the least i've been documenting their struggle to book guests on the show on this very channel
04:48and here we are with quite possibly one of the slimiest snake oil salesmen you've ever seen
04:54here to lecture us on authenticity on the fighter and the kid he's lecturing us about authenticity
05:01on the fighter and the kid all right i've made my point let's roll the tape i'm still taking alpha
05:07brain now along with the new correct supplements yeah you know there's an interesting study i just saw
05:12that was uh zach bush was talking about where they put people in a faraday cage and then they measured
05:16their electromagnetic frequencies and everything that was happening in their body and when they
05:22brought them into emotions of like extreme joy like talking about a sentimental moment with their
05:26grandmother or something with their wife or their kids the time their kids were born and they brought
05:30them into that moment there was a spike of energy whether it was from the heart field or the mental
05:35field but there was a spike of energy that was measurable and then when they asked them about other
05:42traumatic you know experiences or places where they were super vulnerable or think bad things happen
05:47they saw the same equal amount of energy expelled and the theory being actually that it's authenticity
05:57that actually spikes the field because our souls are are in truth like our spirits our spirit body knows
06:04truth we know the frequency of it we know the resonance of it and so when you tap into truth
06:09actually your whole body lights up i couldn't and so truth is even more important than the positive
06:14emotions just being real well i think especially now like with ai like rogan and santana we're talking
06:19about like a is going to take over and it's going to ruin the entertainment business and all these jobs
06:24i think there's gonna be a thing where being authentic propelled like destroys all that where we're
06:30we're gonna be able to tell what's ai but then the people that are authentic and actually have talent are
06:34going to be bigger than ever so the guy who lied about his football career continues to take anabolic
06:42steroids for recreational use got caught cheating on his girl multiple times sued a youtuber for exposing
06:48him and was then forced to submit a sworn affidavit to the court admitting that he'd blatantly lied
06:55multiple times on his podcast is telling us on that very podcast propped up by fake views and bots
07:02that authentic creators with talent are gonna be in high demand once ai takes over and we're only
07:09just getting started with this episode the absolute lack of self-awareness on display is mind-blowing
07:15you've got brendan shorb the human embodiment of failure sitting there nodding along to snake oil
07:21salesman aubrey marcus talking about the power of authenticity while brian callen's soul visibly leaves
07:27his body with every passing minute you can literally see brian calculating in real time how
07:33many more episodes of the fighter and the kid he'll have to sit through before all his kids turn 18 and
07:38he's no longer on the hook for child support meanwhile bupper's sitting there thinking he's about to stage
07:44a comeback off the back of a supplement collaboration between him rogan and aubrey what if i can get the
07:50scorpions to milk themselves when i was listening to this episode i thought to myself this is the perfect
07:56snapshot of a dying brand even the bots are hate watching at this point is that gonna be a real
08:02fight did you say it was an exhibition exhibition how do you feel this is my thing on it we will
08:07like you're closer with jake than we both love jake yeah i'm with dana when he when he was on pulse and
08:14he's like dude you and your brother fight guys your size right he's like what are we doing like fight
08:20people your size man it is i'm a little bit like like with the javante davis jake it's like all right
08:26can javante deal with the size you know but i just don't for jake and he has this it appears you'd know
08:32better than most he has like this yearning for whatever reason he wants this co-sign this validation
08:39from the boxing community he just oh that's that's 100 in his sights but in the my thing is like this is
08:45pushing that further and for because i think he was kind of here and then the javante davis the mike
08:51tyson's going well so he just did so he has this kind of strategy where he'll do and he'll fight a
08:57legit you know fighter like chavez jr was getting a little older but it still got him ranked but then
09:02he'll go for something that's just a spectacle and we remember the spectacles in the pride days where
09:07you had some little guy versus a big guy and everybody's asking that question how will speed do
09:12against size and then jay capitalizes on this question that's in people's mind has a fight
09:18he's making tons of money and yeah and like that so he has this strategy of like all right let me go
09:22do the thing that's going to get maximum attention he's getting netflix is going to co-sign and then
09:27he'll go switch back and then fight another fighter who's on his track no doubt that his goal above
09:33anything is to be the cruiserweight champion that's what i don't get if i'm jake being legit in boxing
09:41being the cruiserweight champion i think that's gonna be more difficult than he thinks
09:44just keep doing the circus all right so let me tell you making the money in the circus one of my
09:48best friends of course this guy is best friends with jake paul so far everything checks out and
09:55did you see our boy flip flopping around desperately trying to agree with aubrey about jake paul's career
10:01trajectory first it was i agree with dana why doesn't jake stick to fighting people his own size and then
10:08after aubrey spun his web around shawb's head he came out with why is he trying to push for the
10:13cruiserweight title just stick to the circus money fights oh buddy what are we doing here whenever
10:19brendan's in a room with someone wealthier than him he goes into autopilot and ends up on his knees
10:25searching for the truth callan on the other hand wasn't convinced one of the only redeeming features
10:31of brian's character is his willingness to call people out on the spot after sitting there listening to
10:37aubrey washing jake paul's balls he'd finally had enough and said what we were all thinking
10:43usually me and ob talk before the fights and ah predicts the win and he's been right with three
10:49for three yeah like no six for six when we talk three of the times we saw the like we actually so
10:55we'll go into meditations together in breath work and we'll have visions and they've happened to turn out
11:01you know oftentimes in strange ways like i'm we're gonna have a picture of of the fighter you just
11:07knocked out on all fours you know you can get knocked down in a lot of different ways but some
11:11we just saw that moment their mindset is in the right place and i think that'll play to jake's
11:15advantage but let me just answer the question why is jake doing this i don't get it jake's doing this
11:20the money thing because he's he's got plenty of money i know and and so at a certain point the money
11:25doesn't matter as much but what jake needs is he needs some kind of thing that's scary to him and
11:31dangerous to him to actually keep him alive on on the path yeah on the path where he's not off the
11:38rails i think it ends with jake being a cruiserweight belt holder i don't know if he'll unify the belts or
11:43whatever but they'll find a path to like somebody in the cruiserweight who has a belt and i think jake's
11:49gonna bring that energy of shocking somebody with the attention jake's positive energy that we're
11:54working on the whole time like what people don't realize is this is also you know for anybody you've
11:59seen chief of war that which is a great show out now on apple tv plus at the end they have that and
12:06this isn't a spoiler at the end they have a battle and in the battle it's like let the spiritual warfare
12:11begin and their own shamans and singers start calling in the spirits of the elements and all and like
12:17everything good to get the mind and the spirit aligned and jake's doing that at 100 he's got
12:23you know lucas mack who's one of the best breath work practitioners he's got myself and violon is
12:28singing the sound bowls like we're bringing the best spiritual energy he's got the best training
12:33excuse me because he's not going to say it i really appreciate that i really do thank you for your
12:38spiritual energy bro because when he's in there with with a cruiserweight contender some dude who's
12:46been throwing his right hand since he was seven i don't think a lot of that's gonna matter that's
12:51a big problem how about i say that alex pereira does the same thing i'm sure he does but you know
12:56what like you see training for a long time of course so but i'm saying it's the mix yeah that's like
13:00alex pereira when he does that thing where he walks out it's for real yeah it's for real he's bringing
13:06some dark magic he's bringing some deep jungle energy did he just say deep jungle energy what the
13:14fuck did we just listen to i lost several iq points after listening to that clip deep jungle energy
13:20sounds like his next supplement line imagine admitting you're friends with jake paul in public
13:25but then doubling down by claiming you're his breathing and spiritual coach while wearing those
13:31pants it was only a few weeks ago that jake paul announced he was quitting podcasting because he's
13:36not good at talking and his brother and all his friends agreed with him jake thinks he's cooking
13:42by fighting a guy almost 70 pounds lighter than him in an exhibition fight but that wasn't the worst
13:49part being such good friends and a former business partner of joe rogan i should have known that
13:54aubrey marcus was trained in the fine art of stand-up comedy worship you guys know i don't usually do
14:00this but i'm issuing an official cringe warning to anyone new here or just for anyone with a weak
14:06stomach it's like that old saying goes laughter is the best medicine all spiritual people all
14:13spiritual people need friends like all of us because we can get way too serious yes also laughter is the
14:20most underrated as far as as far as cultivating good energy you want to feel good energy find a comic
14:26that's dialed in that's locked in right and you're under a spell of hilarity and your gut is bursting
14:32i say that to people it's like ecstasy yeah it's the best people hate on comics i always say hey face
14:38like we literally spend all our time trying to make people laugh that's like that's the worst we are
14:42we're not we're dicks we're not great you know that but for the most part i promise you i promise
14:48you the comics that you're hating on whoever they might be all we do all day is sit around and
14:52try to think of ways to be funny look i work with i work with the best shamans in the world
14:57and the best shamans in the world can cultivate a level of positive energy that keeps you safe and
15:02keeps you like focused on what you're learning the comics are better than any great shaman they're able
15:09to take a hole in stadium you know try to get one ayahuasca shaman to get a whole stadium maybe they
15:14could maybe they're the baddest of the best but like but like you get a whole stadium in the same energy
15:20laughing and it's the best highest frequency energy that you can possibly imagine like
15:25comics are laughter shamans in a way and it's like and i have so much respect so true so true
15:32brandon was awfully quiet during that entire conversation he wanted absolutely none of that
15:38but that was just a bridge too far for me as you all know i'm a huge fan of stand-up comedy
15:43however we're getting to a point where comedy worship is out of control the austin comedy gatekeepers
15:49aren't just trying to monopolize comedy they're trying to monopolize laughter do these guys actually
15:54believe the bullshit coming out of their own mouths or are they just so dialed into their
15:59grift that it all comes naturally to them now aubrey marcus was talking about laughter like it's some
16:04sacred psychedelic ceremony while brendan shawb was sitting there looking like a kid in time out
16:10the comedy writes itself with these muppets and brian callen's speech about comedians spending every
16:16waking minute thinking of how to be funny is just as bad the reality is they spend every waking
16:22minute scheming how to grift off their audience this brand of pseudo-spiritual grifting is next
16:28level the austin comedy assassins have moved on from promoting vitamin supplements to pitching their
16:34comedy as vitamins instead and we all know the golden rule of comedy in austin if at first your
16:40audience doesn't laugh just keep saying it until they do every conspiracy theory always has a bunch
16:47of jews who are controlling the world and it's like well that's the that's the term cabal and i think
16:53that's like that's right by the way the cabal comes from i've never seen and so it's actually a jewish
16:57slur and so this idea that it's the jews well they've been getting blamed for a lot of and
17:02certainly i think there's probably sith jews and probably full-on jedi i know some full-on jedi jews i'm
17:09i'm jewish like i care more about the good damn you're anybody yeah 87 ashkenazi damn so like
17:16like fundamentally yeah they can go both paths for sure i mean they have there's something
17:22there's something that's in uh i think it's also like you to leave yeah that's why so there's the
17:27there's this idea when you're jewish he goes yeah i went get out so there's this idea the genetic
17:32bottleneck theory ah you got there in the end brendan there's no trend that bapa won't jump on board
17:39with did you see how proud of himself he was there there's nothing quite like interrupting
17:43a conversation to explain a joke that didn't land in the first place one suggestion though chin if
17:49you're listening please get brandon to say the word anti-semitism seriously could you imagine that
17:56would be epic and then after he says it ask him what he thinks it means come on chin you've got the
18:01opportunity to do something really funny here but getting aubrey marcus on as a guest is just further
18:07proof of just how desperate these guys are we heard brendan complaining just the other week over on his
18:13patreon that it's too hard to book guests because he's too busy with the kids to make a phone call
18:18or send an email and also for some reason brian doesn't want to ask anyone in the mothership green
18:24room to come on the show so all that's left is a rogan affiliate who peaked in 2016 selling
18:30nootropics to crossfit dads this guy takes word salad to a whole new level hopefully though
18:36brendan is officially entering his spiritual phase we all knew it was only a matter of time before he
18:42entered his right-wing christian arc could you seriously imagine him sitting there on his own
18:47after everyone's left him fumbling his way through the bible trying to explain the subtext of each
18:52passage meanwhile brian callen who just recently publicly humiliated joe rogan now finds himself
18:59spiritually handcuffed to the very man child that rogan helped to create in his own lab this is
19:05actually a new experience for brian for once he's being forced to suffer the consequences of his own
19:10actions that was a low blow i think that's enough slander for me for today make sure you check out
19:16the link in the description to my patreon if you're interested in seeing my breakdowns of kill tony as
19:21well as my comedy special reviews and much much more and if you want to see more cringe outside the
19:26podcast universe head over to my newest channel more cringe and get subscribed so you don't miss out on my
19:32uploads throughout the week thanks for watching guys i'll catch you in the next one
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