00:00Your assignment this weekend, class, is to think of something that is a mystery to you
00:09and see if you can solve it, okay?
00:12Now let's use the last few minutes of class today to decide on your topic.
00:19So have you guys decided on a mystery yet?
00:28Uh, no. We're not going to do it.
00:31Yeah, yeah. It sounds too hard.
00:33I just like to relax on the weekend, you know?
00:37Come on, guys. This should be easy.
00:39There's mysterious things happening around us every day.
00:43You know, some people have become rich and famous just by solving mysteries.
00:48For example, this morning, would there be anything that you didn't understand or found interesting?
00:53He said morning wood.
00:55Oh, yeah, yeah. Morning wood.
01:00Hmm. It's kind of racy, but I have to agree it is a bit of a mystery.
01:06Okay, I'll approve your idea about morning wood, but only if you take it seriously, okay?
01:11And approach your topic from a scientific standpoint.
01:14Hey, Beavis, if we discover the mystery of morning wood, we will be famous the world over.
01:23Whoa, check it out. Someone's getting on a chair, butthead.
01:33Maybe there's going to be a hanging.
01:35Uh, it's just someone standing on a chair, Beavis.
01:40Do you automatically think someone's going to hang himself?
01:44Yeah, I guess I'm just, uh...
01:46Whoa, I just saw a boob, butthead. Check it out.
01:48You always think you're seeing a boob like that. It was probably just an elbow or something.
01:53No way, butthead. It was a boob.
01:55Well, so what? You only saw it for like a second or something. What's so great about that?
02:01Well, a second is better than nothing.
02:04No, it doesn't. It sucks.
02:08Dammit, butthead, why do you always have to tear down everything good in my life?
02:11Because your life sucks, Beavis.
02:14Your life sucks and nobody likes you.
02:16Really? I don't really give a crap.
02:19You don't have any friends.
02:22I have a little special friend.
02:23Yeah, shut up, Beavis.
02:31Your special friend probably hates you, too.
02:34No way, butthead. You wish.
02:38Ah, she's got blood in her eye.
02:39Ooh, that's a freaky, butthead. I don't want to watch this. Come on, change it.
02:42You're a wuss.
02:44Dammit.
02:45Someone should help her.
02:47They should just, like, stop having the video and just, like, go help her.
02:51She's all beat up.
02:52I, like, feel all sorry for her and stuff.
02:56Kind of freaking me out.
03:08Hey, guys, what's happening?
03:10Uh, we need some of your, like, scientific stuff.
03:14Yeah, yeah. We're, like, doing a scientific experiment.
03:17And, um, we're gonna need to take some of your stuff.
03:21Wow, cool.
03:22What are you doing?
03:23Um, we're gonna find out how come, like, you know, in the morning...
03:26Ow!
03:27Shut up, dumbass. It's top secret.
03:29Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.
03:32Uh, we can't tell you, because, like, then we'd have to kill you.
03:37But once we're, like, rich and famous, then we'll kill you.
03:39I mean, I mean, I mean, tell you.
03:40Come on, Beavis.
03:42Let's get the stuff and get out of here.
03:46Well, um, what do you think makes it happen?
03:50Uh, I don't know.
03:51That's why we're doing this, dumbass.
03:53Uh, um, because I was thinking, like, maybe there's, like, a morning wood fairy.
03:58You know, like the tooth fairy.
04:02Morning wood fairy?
04:05You mean, like, with a magic wand or something?
04:07Uh, me.
04:09A wand.
04:11Dammit, Beavis, quit screwing around.
04:13We've got scientific work to do.
04:16Besides, there's no such thing as fairies.
04:19Fairies are for dill holes.
04:22Well, that fairy in Peter Pan had a pretty nice butt.
04:27Gave me a boner.
04:29Just think, Beavis.
04:31By the time the sun comes up, we will have solved the mystery of Morning Wood.
04:36We could rule the world.
04:38Yeah, yeah. We're gonna be rich.
04:40Yeah, get chicks, yeah.
04:42Uh, are you sure we've got everything?
04:46Um, yeah.
04:47We've got, like, Stuart Science stuff.
04:50And some, um, food.
04:52And, um, some, um, stuff.
04:55Uh, what's that?
04:57Uh, what? Um, nothing.
05:00Uh, come on.
05:02Give me that, Beavis.
05:05Whoa, cool.
05:07Spank magazine.
05:09Yeah, April.
05:10Cool.
05:12Yeah, thanks.
05:13Check out page 63.
05:17Uh, uh.
05:21Dammit, Beavis.
05:22This isn't scientific.
05:24It'll only give us artificial stiffies.
05:26Oh, yeah.
05:27Now, we've got serious work to do.
05:30Whatever you do, don't fall asleep.
05:32Oh, yeah, yeah.
05:34Okay, here we go.
05:35Yeah.
05:37This is so rich.
05:38So flavorful.
05:39Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
05:52Ah, hmm.
05:53Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm, mm.
05:56Whoa, is she Chinese?
06:18I think that's that Connie Schlong chick
06:21that called the president's mom a bitch on TV.
06:24Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
06:26Uh, a cardboard box.
06:31Yeah.
06:32Okay, okay, I'll be the mouthpiece this time for the youth.
06:38But sex, sex, sex got me this time.
06:42I got mine.
06:47She's so fine.
06:48How come that guy's wearing his mom's coat?
06:50Uh, I think that's your mom's coat, Bevis.
06:53I think he's wearing it to show that he did her.
06:57Oh, yeah.
06:59What a slut.
07:01Whoa, look, they're all wearing them.
07:04I have one of those coats in my closet right now.
07:07You know, um, you should go easy on my mom, wouldn't it?
07:10Isn't she already easy enough?
07:13Enough.
07:14Um, I'd like to talk about roller coasters for a minute.
07:21Uh, okay, Bevis.
07:23You know, like, sometimes when you're on a roller coaster,
07:26and it feels like your nads are floating inside your sack?
07:30Uh, yeah?
07:31Well, um, that gives me a special feeling.
07:35I also get that on elevators sometimes.
07:37Uh, oh, yeah, me too.
07:39I kind of get a special feeling in my butt cheeks when an elevator goes down.
07:43Yeah, yeah, yeah.
07:47Let's go!
07:51Uh, that looks kind of like Conan O'Brien.
07:54Oh, yeah.
07:55I heard he has a gigantic schlong.
07:58Uh, no, you're thinking of me, Bevis.
08:00Um, no, I was thinking of me, actually.
08:08Go!
08:20Hey, Bevis!
08:21I got morning wood!
08:22What happened?
08:23Uh, I had a dream about page 63.
08:27Did you see anything?
08:29Um, he...
08:30No?
08:30Mm-hmm.
08:31I had a dream I got a stiffy.
08:33Mm-hmm.
08:34Uh, hmm.
08:37Maybe morning wood is supposed to be a mystery.
08:40It's like the secret is too dangerous.
08:42Yeah, you know, it's like, I'm just glad it happens.
08:46Mm-hmm.
08:46Yeah.
08:47Mm-hmm.
08:48I never wanted to be a scientist anyways.
08:51Mm-hmm.
08:52Science sucks.
08:53Mm-hmm.
08:54Yeah, really.
08:55Mm-hmm.
08:55Let's go break something.
08:57Mm-hmm.
08:57Yeah.
08:59Mm-hmm.
09:00Uh...
09:00Uh, like, maybe later.
09:04Mm-hmm.
09:05Mm-hmm.
09:07Mm-hmm.
09:08Mm-hmm.
09:09Mm-hmm.
09:09More than...
09:10Mm-hmm.
09:10Mm-hmm.
09:11Mm-hmm.
09:11Mm-hmm.
09:11Mm-hmm.
09:12Mm-hmm.
09:13Mm-hmm.
09:13Mm-hmm.
09:13Mm-hmm.
09:14Mm-hmm.
09:15More than a feeling
09:20I woke up this morning, the sun was gone
09:25Close my eyes and it slipped away
09:30That song's stupid
09:35Hey, get a haircut, hippie
09:45Yeah, this isn't the 60s, dill hole
09:49My uncle didn't go to Vietnam
09:52Just so you could walk around with long, hippie boy hair with your shirt off
09:56Damn it
09:57Your uncle never went to Vietnam, Beavis
10:00He was in jail
10:02I know, I know, that's what I said
10:05My uncle didn't go to Vietnam so you could have long hair, see?
10:08That's what I meant
10:09You're a stupid, dumb bunghole, Beavis
10:13I am not
10:15I think this is supposed to be, like, freaking us out, but I'm unfreaked
10:24Yeah, yeah, really
10:25In fact, this video is, like, making me feel totally normal
10:29Yeah, yeah, I mean, this is, you know, just a normal video like you always see, really
10:33Yeah, it's like, you know, if I turned on the TV and this was on, I'd just go, like, yep, that's what I thought I was gonna see
10:40Yeah, I can, like, you know, but I loved the TV
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