Meghan Markle On Trial

HAM

1 day ago

Meghan Markle In Court. Parody by HAM.

Transcript

00:00order order miss mankle it's markle and i'm sussex now we won't be dealing in pseudo names here

00:19miss markle you stand accused of a copious amount of offenses against the monarchy the country your

00:26staff your family your friends the fashion industry and the culinary trade among others how do you

00:33plead not guilty of course i just wish people would tell the truth i believe you've instructed

00:39your own counsel not one that came with recommendations i might add good morning

00:46mr mountbatten windsor good morning sir just harry will do miss markle are you sure you want to employ

00:53totally untrained unqualified just harry to represent you in your defense oh yes that man

01:00loves me so much he's a fox you know anyway no one else would do it just harry i hope you're aware

01:08you're not allowed to keep the hair yes sir megan markle did you deliberately set out to ensnare

01:15the ginger spare even though it has been said gingers weren't your type in order to gain the

01:20fame and fortune you craved objection what is it just harry what's wrong with gingers overruled

01:27that's not true i didn't even know who he was

01:30so you weren't obsessed with british royalty and princess diana from an early age

01:38as has been documented on multiple occasions

01:42i may have had a passing interest didn't everyone

01:46how do you explain the highly disrespectful spectacle of a mock curtsy you exhibited on your

01:55lucrative netflix production even i didn't like that oh it was just a fun thing they take it all so

02:01seriously you weren't mocking queen elizabeth then well i'd never bow and scrape to my granny

02:07put it like that i call mr rancid scabies to the stand i hope this won't take long i have an

02:15urgent appointment with my facial consultant mr scabies you're a close cohort of the defendant i

02:21believe he was our mouthpiece just harry don't interrupt sorry i was until i got markled we were

02:29up to all sorts of skullduggery anything to make the royal family look bad objection

02:36what i think one of the jurors has farted

02:40no we didn't

02:47the royal family didn't like the fact that i was out shining all of them

02:52order just harry have you any questions

03:00is it nearly time for lunch of the witness imbecile

03:04oh sorry yes can you assure the court that when you leaked a version of your book to a dutch translator

03:11incriminating the king and princess catherine it wasn't by order of either my wife or myself

03:17absolutely it was your pr main

03:22prince andrew it is rumored that you had prior knowledge of miss markle several years before

03:30she met just harry ostensibly as uh shipmates aboard a luxury yacht

03:36can you confirm these rumors i can't be sure quite a few of them had dark hair

03:43they all look much the same to be honest totty's totty

03:47are you okay do you know after all this time i've started sweating again

03:56any questions defense counsel why haven't you sent me a birthday card in five years

04:01sorry old chap i lost your address

04:04there is only one thing you need to know about megan markle

04:08all her relationships have a cell by date

04:11all of them

04:13order order council you may proceed

04:32thank you my lord miss markle isn't it true you were desperate to rub shoulders with the hollywood

04:38elite in fact you invited a number of them and only one member of your own family

04:42lies lies lies the a-listers were queuing up to meet me and i would have invited my family

04:48but i lost their addresses

04:49i know that's true because she told me

04:53don't interrupt just harry just tell people the truth then they'll understand

04:59what miss winfrey were you desperate to hang around with miss markle

05:05hell no i'd never even heard of her i don't mix with bit parters

05:08but the royal family that's a different ball game

05:11i wouldn't have missed it

05:15can you confirm we didn't tell any porkies during the infamous interview we gave you

05:22my husband didn't mean to say infamous

05:2417 different claims by the pair of them have now been proven to be either completely untrue

05:33or massively exaggerated

05:35mr morgan please do not interrupt the court

05:39i've never been led so far up the garden path i should have done my research

05:43it wasn't just the garden path we took you to the chicken coop too don't forget that

05:52is it okay if i touch up miss markle's bronzer she always likes to look her best

06:00this is not a film set

06:04sit down and be quiet or i'll hold you in contempt

06:08sir david beckham miss markle also invited you and your wife to the wedding

06:14i've always been pals with william and harry before he turned weird

06:18victoria and i are team william and katherine all the way

06:22you can't throw me a curveball and get away with it

06:25was victoria leaking stories about my wife

06:28definitely not but thanks for giving us a reason to drop you like a hot brick

06:33can we make up and pinky promise not to fight anymore

06:36no

06:37mr perry tell us about miss markle

06:41and just harry freeloading at your expense

06:44i was suckered in good and proper

06:48she's got this thing she does left eye one tear

06:51i got the whole sob story and i fell for it

07:02freedom freedom freedom freedom

07:10wait just standing with the tears i'm making in

07:27We got it

07:29Freedom, freedom

07:32Oh, we gonna get there

07:37Next time, make sure you bring enough towels. Do your job.

07:43Hot diggity.

07:45Did I learn my lesson?

07:47I sincerely hope so, Mr. Perry.

07:49I had cameras.

07:57What have I told you?

08:04Off to the tower with you.

08:07Oh well, he was on borrowed time anyways.

08:10I would like to show the court evidence

08:12that my wife is a genuine, fun-loving human being.

08:17And one of her many strengths is making people laugh.

08:20Are you ready to do the bump on rump?

08:24Get down and die like a dancing lump.

08:27Push in, push out, you lazy duds.

08:31You're gonna give birth to a bag of spuds.

08:36Do the bump and rump, it's super cool.

08:39But mama's a joke and papa's a fool.

08:43Open them legs and push and pull.

08:46Or loosen them ties and...

08:48Not quite the reaction you were looking for.

08:57Miss Markle, it is not appropriate to wear your dressing gown to court.

09:15Excuse me.

09:16This is my Oscar de la Renta blue floral creation.

09:19I expect it costs more than your car.

09:21Careful, or I'll add contempt to your list of charges.

09:27Speaking of which, we must now address the subject of your unnatural and incessant quest

09:32for attention and disturbing obsession with microphones,

09:36into which you invariably inflict whoever is within earshot with a diatribe of utter gobbledy gook.

09:43It's not gobbledy gook, sir.

09:46It's word salad.

09:47Quiet, just Harry.

09:50Sometimes, when the small voice within you is diminished to but a whisper on the wind of denial,

09:56deprivation, bias and inequity,

09:59you have to seek amplification to light up and shower your words to the world.

10:07Yes, let's move swiftly on to some video evidence.

10:10There's not room for you here, Meg.

10:17What are you doing?

10:18You know I have to be center stage.

10:22Give me that.

10:23No, no, no.

10:23Oh, no.

10:24He's taking the cup as well.

10:26I'll do my little seal clapping.

10:28Make them think I'm not bothered.

10:30What the faff are they doing?

10:32They've pushed me to the back.

10:33H is going to suffer for this.

10:35Don't they know I'm the real star here?

10:37I'm so pissed.

10:38Drop it on her head.

10:40She's got the mic.

10:46It's mine.

10:47Mine.

10:48Oh, no, no, no.

10:49I don't think so.

10:50How dare she treat me like that?

10:52Well, I'm definitely presenting this.

10:55Oh, look at their faces.

10:56They want me to give it to H.

10:58You wait till we get home.

11:00Anyone would think it's him that's the main attraction.

11:03To think he was just the ginger spare before I took him out of all that.

11:06Give.

11:08Give.

11:09No.

11:09Leave.

11:10Give.

11:11Now.

11:12No.

11:12Yes.

11:13No.

11:13Yes.

11:14No.

11:15Leave.

11:15Stop taking the mic.

11:17Give.

11:17Now.

11:18It's my turn.

11:19No.

11:20Yes.

11:21No.

11:21Yes.

11:22No.

11:23Leave.

11:23Damn ginger twit.

11:33Any questions just Harry?

11:35No, she can be a nightmare, but she looks good in high heels.

11:40Moving on then.

11:41It is widely rumored your two pregnancies were not quite as you would have people believe.

11:47I can prove beyond any doubt my wife was fully magnate.

11:55This photograph taken in our grounds is undeniable evidence.

12:00You don't get swelling like that by eating jam spread.

12:06And this is another photograph taken on a different day proving she was still magnate.

12:11The camera does not lie.

12:13Also, it was obvious.

12:15Everyone could see her blossoming.

12:17Even though she tried to be discreet about it.

12:21Look at my baby bump.

12:23Have you noticed how pregnant I am?

12:32Can you see how it's growing?

12:39Oops.

12:43It's a baby.

12:45Look at my baby bump.

12:47It's a baby.

12:54Have you noticed how pregnant I am?

12:58Look at my baby bump.

13:02It's a baby.

13:03Guilty.

13:12Guilty.

13:13Guilty.

13:17Where is it they're sending us?

13:19Um, I think it's called North Sentinel Island.

13:22Lots of remote sandy beaches and blue sea, apparently.

13:25Well, have you googled it?

13:27No, it'll be fine.

13:28People of our status.

13:30They better have plenty of staff.

13:32If you love the madness around here, please subscribe.

13:42I need the work.

13:43If you love the madness around here, please subscribe.

13:43I need the work.

13:45people of our Sorrentino.

13:57Bye-bye.

13:57What's the matter?

13:58We'll see you soon.

14:00Bye-bye.

14:01Bye-bye.

14:02Not just Dawson Island.

14:06We'll see you soon.

14:07Bye.

14:07Just послед祭.

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