- 2 days ago
find more Classic Movies :
https://rebrand.ly/CineTV-Classics
https://rebrand.ly/CineTV-Classics
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00The
00:30Now that was the E-Flat Polymer's Opus 22 written by
00:59Frederic Chopin, who was born in Poland February 22, 1810.
01:03He was the son of a bookkeeper in a cigar factory.
01:06His works include barcaroles, ballads, mesurcas, etudes, and nocturnes,
01:10the best known of which is his famous funeral march.
01:19Correct, Mr. Doubleday. Absolutely correct.
01:22I guess the laugh is on me.
01:28Each week I feature an impromptu interview with someone who is a little bit out of the ordinary.
01:33This week I have brought to our program our friend Mr. Doubleday here.
01:37Mr. Doubleday, ladies and gentlemen, is an information clerk in a railroad station.
01:41The popular belief has it that you never can get information from an information clerk.
01:45But Mr. Doubleday is the exception that proves the rule.
01:49He knows everything.
01:51How do you do it, Mr. Doubleday?
01:53Oh, I just read books and remember everything I read.
01:57You are not getting your answers out of that book, are you?
02:00Oh, this? No, sir.
02:02You see, I'm studying up on my army regulations.
02:05I leave for camp day after tomorrow.
02:07Oh, I see.
02:09I figure the army is just like anything else.
02:11If you want to amount to something, you have to study.
02:14You mean to say you can read that and answer these questions at the same time?
02:18Oh, yes, sir.
02:20It just comes natural.
02:21Amazing, Mr. Doubleday.
02:23You're truly amazing.
02:24Here's one, Mr. Doubleday, that I think will stick you.
02:28What is a tinker's dam?
02:30Now, for example, suppose I say,
02:32I don't care a tinker's dam for all the tea in China.
02:35In medieval England, traveling tinkers used to kick a hole in the ground
02:39in which to store their molten metal while using it to mend cooking vessels.
02:43When the tinker was finished, the hardened lead was removed
02:46and the dirt form or dam was then useless.
02:49Hence the expression for any useless article, a tinker's dam.
02:53You, Mr. Cardigan, are undoubtedly a coffee drinker,
02:55so you wouldn't give a tinker's dam for all the tea in China.
03:01Mr. Doubleday, you confound me.
03:03You positively confound me.
03:05You seem to take the difficult questions right in your stride.
03:08Now, look, I'll find an easy one for you.
03:12Who discovered electricity?
03:14Benjamin Franklin in 1752, according to popular belief.
03:18That's correct, Mr. Doubleday.
03:20Absolutely correct.
03:21But then, of course, it might have been too easy.
03:25Even I could answer that, folks.
03:27I beg your pardon, Mr. Cardigan, but you're entirely mistaken.
03:31What?
03:31What I was going to say was that Benjamin Franklin in 1752,
03:36according to popular belief, was supposed to have discovered electricity.
03:39He'll never trip up Dodo.
03:41He knows everything.
03:42Oh, yeah?
03:43Didn't know enough to keep out of the draft.
03:45He didn't mind being drafted.
03:48He thought it was a wonderful idea.
03:51Dodo says it's the duty of every young man to be prepared.
03:54Oh, he's a sucker.
03:56And he'll never get me.
03:58Boy, did I put one over on those Army doctors.
04:01You know, the night before I had to take my examination,
04:04I smoked three or four great big black cigars.
04:07Then I ate a lot of ice cream and dill pickles.
04:10And then I got up and ran around the block three or four times.
04:13Oh, boy, was I sick.
04:16See, the doctor took one look at me and said I was a walking corpse.
04:20He didn't know what was holding me up.
04:21Charlie, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.
04:24The honor of such an achievement should be divided...
04:27We're a little late.
04:28Good night, folks.
04:29Come on, fellas, we're here.
04:37Snap into them.
04:40Come on, hurry up, hurry up.
04:44There.
04:54All the president of the Converford, sir.
04:57Come on, fellas, line up.
04:59The first thing you have to learn in the Army is discipline.
05:01According to paragraphs...
05:04Listen, you draft board's greatest blunder.
05:08You haven't drawn your uniform yet and you want to play colonel.
05:12I give the orders around here.
05:14Get back in line.
05:16But, sir, I was just trying to help...
05:18Shut up!
05:19All right, men.
05:20Line up in two ranks.
05:22In case you don't know, that means one behind the other.
05:26You're in the Army now.
05:31It's a great Army.
05:32But you've got a lot to learn.
05:38Hey, you.
05:40Come in.
05:41Before you can give orders around here, you've got to wear these.
05:48To get these, it takes years and years of hard work and experience.
05:52The way you've been popping off around here, you'd think you knew everything about this man's army.
05:58Oh, but, Sergeant, I...
05:59Quiet!
06:01Now, if it wouldn't strain your mental capacities too much,
06:05and you can remember which is your right side,
06:08I'd like to have you right face!
06:14Forward!
06:15Hatch!
06:16Hatch!
06:16One, two, three, four!
06:19All right, men!
06:20Forget your little stomachs!
06:22Hatch!
06:23Hatch!
06:24Hatch!
06:29Hatch!
06:30Hatch!
06:36Hatch!
06:36Hatch!
06:40Hatch!
06:41Hatch!
06:42Hatch!
06:42Hatch!
06:43Hatch!
06:44Hatch!
06:45Hatch!
06:45Hatch!
06:45You're out of step, Sergeant.
06:59That phonograph ain't run down the whole trip.
07:02Force chance I get, I'm gonna take that guy apart and see what makes him tick.
07:06He's been asking for a punch in the nose.
07:08I'll give it to him.
07:09Wait a minute, you'll take your turn like the rest of us.
07:13Gee, I'm gonna have a swell time in the Army.
07:16You sure are, buddy.
07:20Hey, you, you tripped me.
07:22Lay off that rough stuff.
07:23Yo, get back in line.
07:25That's an order.
07:26Yes, sir.
07:29Hey, what?
07:30Go on.
07:30Get in there.
07:32Get up it.
07:33I said lay off that rough stuff.
07:35Hey, yo, fall in with me.
07:41I'm supposed to get you to the barracks in one piece.
07:44Yes, sir.
07:45I said lay off that rough stuff.
07:53Hut, two, three, four.
07:55Hut, two, three, four.
07:57Hut, two, three, four.
07:59Hut, two, three, four.
08:01Hut, two, three, four.
08:03Hut, two, three, four.
08:05Hut, two, three, four.
08:07Hut, two, three, four.
08:09Hut, two, three, four.
08:11Hut, two, three, four.
08:13Hut, two, three, four.
08:15One, two, three.
08:17Company, halt!
08:34All right, come on in the rear of that!
08:45Now, men, when your names are called, answer promptly and take one step forward.
09:01Monkman!
09:02That's me.
09:03Occupation.
09:04Professional fighter.
09:05Worth champion at Green Park.
09:07Until I got me fat.
09:09Cop!
09:11What do you do?
09:12Oh, I do a little of this, a little of that, you know.
09:16Non-soldier, you're doing a lot of this.
09:21Skivik!
09:21Yeah?
09:22What do you do?
09:23Nothing.
09:26Clary!
09:27I help him.
09:29Double day!
09:31Yes, sir?
09:32Occupation.
09:32Information clerk at a railway station.
09:35I also know all about the army, too, sir.
09:37Oh, you do, huh?
09:40What's the position of a soldier at attention?
09:42With or without arms.
09:43Without arms.
09:45Infantry drill regulations, section 2, page 8, paragraph 16.
09:48Heels on the same line and as close to each other as the confirmation of the man permits.
09:52That's enough.
09:54Ah.
09:55What are the general orders for a soldier on guard duty?
09:58One, to take charge of my post and all government property in view.
10:02Two, to walk my post in a military manner, keeping always on the alert and observing everything that takes place with inciter hearing.
10:07Three, to...
10:07That's enough.
10:08Get back in line.
10:10You're all wrong.
10:10Just a minute, sergeant.
10:11He's right.
10:13Have you ever been in the army?
10:14No, sir.
10:15Military school?
10:16ROTC?
10:17No, sir.
10:17I wasn't even in the Boy Scouts.
10:21Lieutenant Jennings, will you get Major Greer for me, please?
10:23Yes, sir.
10:29What is it, Caldwell?
10:30Would the Major listen to this man a moment, sir?
10:33What is the equipment of the infantry in action?
10:35Field service regulations, chapter 2, page 6, paragraph 24.
10:38The principal offensive weapons are the machine gun, the rifle, a bayonet, its mortars, and...
10:42That'll do.
10:43Has Captain Rossmeade seen this man?
10:45Not yet.
10:46Call the captain.
10:48Yes, sir.
10:48I'd like you to question this man, Captain.
11:01He seems well-versed in army regulations.
11:04To find the theater of war.
11:06Field service regulations, chapter 1, page 4, paragraph 14.
11:10The theater of war comprises those areas of land and sea which are and may become directly involved in the operations of war.
11:15May I have the captain's permission to borrow a rifle?
11:17Soldier, give this man your gun.
11:23At ease.
11:26Attention.
11:28Forward.
11:29Arm.
11:30Left shoulder.
11:32Arm.
11:33Right shoulder.
11:35Arm.
11:37Right face.
11:40Left face.
11:42About face.
11:44About face.
11:47Forward.
11:48Arm.
11:49Inspection.
11:50Arm.
11:52Order.
11:53Arm.
11:55Parade.
11:56Rest.
11:58Are you a good marksman?
11:59I don't know, sir.
12:00I never handled a gun before.
12:02I practiced with a mop.
12:08Forward march.
12:10Forward march.
12:12That is an incorrect command, sir.
12:13The soldier cannot respond to the order of forward march from the position of parade rest.
12:19Can you recite the duties of a sergeant?
12:22Yes, sir.
12:22But I haven't time.
12:23What do you mean you haven't time?
12:25Officer's call sounded five minutes ago, sir.
12:27You'll be late.
12:30He's good material.
12:31Send him to non-com school.
12:32Carry on, Caldwell.
12:33Hard field.
12:39Yes, sir.
12:40What do you do?
12:41A feud.
12:44Malloy.
12:45I'm Malloy, and I'll feud's two.
12:47A malloy, eh?
12:48A hard field, huh?
12:51Attention!
12:53I'm doing ten!
12:53Hold him!
12:53Hold him!
12:54Hold him!
12:54Hold him!
12:55Hold him!
12:56Hold him!
12:57Hold him!
12:58Hold him!
12:59Hold him!
13:00Hold him!
13:00Hold him!
13:01Hold him!
13:02Give me that!
13:03Oh, no.
13:04Come on!
13:04Give it to me!
13:05Quick!
13:05Hurry up!
13:07All right.
13:08Here you are, sergeant!
13:10Thanks!
13:14Hold him!
13:15Hold him!
13:17Hold him!
13:19Hold him!
13:20Hold him!
13:21Hold him!
13:22Hold him!
13:23Hold him!
13:24Hold him!
13:26Hold him!
13:27Hold him!
13:28Hold him!
13:29Hold him!
13:30Hold him!
13:31Pardon me, sir, but these draftees are driving me nuts.
13:36If it's impossible for me to be transferred from Company F, sir,
13:40I'd like to return to the ranks.
13:42Are they as bad as all night, Sergeant?
13:44Yes, sir. Worse.
13:46Return to your quarters. We'll take the matter up later.
13:48Yes, sir.
13:52Sergeant Ames.
13:53Yes, sir?
13:54Take over Company F and teach them some discipline.
13:56Yes, sir. I'll whip them into shape, sir.
14:01Sergeant Doubleday reporting for duty, sir.
14:18You a sergeant?
14:21You mean you've completed your course at non-com school?
14:24Yes, sir.
14:25You see, I already knew the manuals for privates, corporals, and sergeants,
14:28infantry drill regulations, field service regulations,
14:30field service maneuvers, United States articles of war, and army regulations.
14:34So they just sewed these chevrons on me and sent me over here, sir.
14:38Perhaps Sergeant Doubleday would be a very good man for Company F, sir.
14:42Yes, yes. You may be right, Sergeant.
14:44Sergeant Doubleday, you're assigned to Company F.
14:47You may start immediately by putting them through their paces.
14:49Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.
14:50How do you like that?
15:01I've been in the army 20 years.
15:03Ten years of hard work before I get these.
15:07And along comes that half-baked Pismo clam
15:09who isn't big enough to flavor a chowder.
15:11He sits on his piazza and reads books all day,
15:14and they may kill the top sergeant!
15:16Oh! Beg your pardon, sir.
15:19At ease, Sergeant.
15:20I know just how you feel.
15:22Thanks, sir.
15:24Get that man out.
15:28And your point.
15:29Six.
15:29Six.
15:31Oh, I missed!
15:37I missed!
15:42Attention!
15:43Attention!
15:43Attention!
15:43Attention!
15:44Attention!
15:44Attention!
15:44Attention!
15:44Attention!
15:44Attention!
15:46You're liable to fine or imprisonment or both
15:49for defacing government property.
15:50Oh, now, Dodo, we're friends, ain't we?
15:53Quiet!
15:54Look who's talking.
15:56The two-legged book of rules.
15:57He's got more stripes than a zebra.
15:59That comes from being a mid-flopper.
16:02Man, I'm your new sergeant.
16:04So what?
16:05We've had lots of them.
16:07They come and they go.
16:09I ain't had a sergeant all day.
16:12Look, man, this is serious.
16:14Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha
16:44Attention!
16:50At close interval, fall in!
16:57Well, that's more like it.
17:01I'm going to make real soldiers out of you men.
17:04And I'm going to start right now.
17:07Be back here in two minutes with full packs, overcoats and rifles.
17:10That's all. Dismissed!
17:14That's the way to handle them. Dominate them. You're a sergeant now.
17:31Those chevrons mean something. Don't let them get you down, Sergeant Doubleday.
17:36So, they got you talking to yourself, have they, Sergeant?
17:42Ha, ha, ha!
17:46Of course!
17:47What were my orders?
17:54Overcoat, rifles and full packs.
17:57You didn't say nothing about pants.
17:58Or shoes.
17:59Not even socks.
18:01This is insubordination.
18:02Look, Sarge.
18:03You distinctly said overcoats, packs, rifles, and that's all.
18:06And here we are.
18:07We aim to please.
18:08Sergeant commands.
18:09We obey.
18:11Begging the Major's pardon, sir.
18:12We have a new sergeant in charge of Company F.
18:14He's drilling his men in rather unusual equipment.
18:15Might I suggest that we have a new sergeant in charge of Company F.
18:17He's drilling his men in rather unusual equipment.
18:19Might I suggest that the Major inspect them, sir?
18:20Where are they?
18:21Right this way, sir.
18:22Right this way, sir.
18:24Oh, no.
18:25Look, sir.
18:26No.
18:27No, no.
18:28No.
18:29No, no.
18:30No.
18:31No.
18:32No.
18:33No.
18:34No.
18:35No.
18:36No.
18:37No.
18:38No.
18:39No.
18:40No.
18:41No.
18:42No.
18:43No.
18:44No.
18:45No.
18:46No.
18:47No.
18:49From the barracks, sir.
18:53You knew what I meant!
18:54Yes, Chief, sir.
18:57Silence in the rank.
18:58Now go on in and...
19:01What's the meaning of this, Sergeant?
19:06Where is your uniform?
19:08Well, you see, Major, it's an awful long story.
19:12We were...
19:13We were only obeying the sergeants' orders, Major.
19:15Thirty days at the guard house for you men.
19:16house for you men sergeant i'm afraid i'll have to break you for this but sir i can explain i took
19:22the liberty of experimenting with a minimum of equipment necessary in case of a surprise attack
19:26surprise attack what good would these men be in warfare they couldn't march like that pardon me
19:32sir but they're a hardy breed of men sir you see they come from the kentucky hills and aren't used
19:37to wearing shoes in fact they can march much better without them you don't say
19:46right shoulder arm
19:51left face forward march
20:16to the rear
20:21hurt
20:23double time
20:25hurt
20:25so
20:33Detail, halt.
20:45Left, face.
20:47Mark time, march.
20:54Amazing.
20:56But could they keep it up for a full day's march?
20:59Oh, yes, sir.
21:00The Army is always ready for innovations.
21:04Keep on with your experiment, Sergeant.
21:07Let me know how it turns out.
21:11At sundown.
21:12Yes, Major.
21:21Pardon me, sir, but these draftees are driving me nuts.
21:24How about me dropping out for a while?
21:33Quiet.
21:34You heard what the Major said.
21:35We'll carry on till sundown.
21:37Oh, no, no, sundown.
21:39Let's see.
21:39Hey, hut.
21:40Oh, we're going to like my Senator.
21:53Well, Sergeant or no, Sergeant, if I'm ever able to walk again, I'm going to butter that guy all over the parade.
21:59Who was the wise chap that dreamed up this idea anyhow?
22:06And hut!
22:13Men, your little prank has cost this outfit exactly 48 hours guard duty.
22:19Defective tomorrow morning.
22:21Let that be a lesson to you.
22:22Here, study this.
22:26The general orders for a sentry.
22:29For once, try to conduct yourselves according to Army regulations.
22:33That's all.
22:36Why, that little...
22:37Wait a minute.
22:38He's a zebra.
22:43Hey.
22:43Hey, you guys, come here.
22:45Come here, come here.
22:46Get a load of this now.
22:47Get in here, Crows.
22:49It says right here.
22:50Now, you listen to this.
22:52Patrols will cover their posts on...
22:54Company up.
22:55Tension.
22:57Captain's orders.
22:58You're to report to the recreation hall at once.
23:00In service uniform with blouse.
23:02And that means every one of you.
23:06The girls of the Buddies Entertainment League are giving a dance.
23:10Oh, no, I'm not that sorry.
23:13I can't dance.
23:14I can't even walk.
23:15With my sore dogs, they can't even dance with St. Vitus.
23:19You'll dance, soldiers, and like it.
23:22I won't like it.
23:23You won't like it.
23:24All right, you wise guys.
23:26Come over here, and maybe you'll change your mind after you look out of this window.
23:30Oh.
23:31Oh, listen.
23:32Oh, no.
23:32Oh, no.
23:33That guy's perfect.
23:35All right, you've had your look.
23:37Come on, come on.
23:37Get in those uniforms.
23:39Quiet up.
23:39Get in those uniforms.
23:40Come on.
23:40Get in those uniforms.
23:42I got another rain.
23:43I got another rain.
23:44I got another rain.
23:44I got another rain.
23:45Well, how do you like that?
23:47Okay, buddy.
24:12On your way.
24:13Everything's hunky-dory here, too.
24:14That's the idea.
24:15Forward, Wellington.
24:35Who's the sergeant of the guard?
24:37Doubleday.
24:39I thought so.
24:40Beg pardon, sir.
24:49Might I inquire if the guard's been inspected?
24:52Inspected?
24:52Why?
24:53Sergeant Doubleday.
24:56Yes, sir?
24:56Has the guard been inspected?
24:58Not since I posted them, sir.
25:00Something wrong, Ames?
25:01Why, uh, that's a matter of opinion, sir.
25:04I suggest you inspect them yourself.
25:11This way, sir.
25:12This way.
25:24There ain't nothing cooking.
25:26Well, I'm going over to the cookhouse.
25:27See what's cooking there.
25:39This, uh, wouldn't have happened in the old army, sir.
25:41Sergeant, how do you account for this?
25:43I, I, I can't, sir.
25:45I, I, pardon me, sir.
25:51Halt!
25:52Come down off that mule!
25:53Get out off that mule!
25:55Halt!
25:55Halt!
25:57Halt!
25:59Right shoulder.
26:00Halt!
26:02Whoa, mule!
26:03Whoa!
26:08Whoa, mule!
26:11Whoa!
26:13Whoa, mule!
26:15Whoa!
26:15Whoa, mule!
26:19Whoa, mule!
26:21Whoa!
26:22Halt!
26:23Doubleday, you've got a lot to answer.
26:24Yes, sir.
26:54If he don't lose his stripes this time, I'll eat mine.
27:14Don't stand there grinning like an ape.
27:17Get in and stop it.
27:18Yes, sir.
27:24It says right here, sir,
27:30patrols will cover their posts on foot,
27:33mounted on animals, bicycles, motorcycles,
27:35or in motor transportation.
27:37Right here.
27:37It also says that such means shall be prescribed
27:40by the officer of the day.
27:42And I'm the officer of the day.
27:44Your sense of humor will cost you 30 days in the guardhouse
27:47and 90 days' pay.
27:49Sergeant Ames, place these men under arrest.
27:52Yes, sir.
27:52Gladly, sir.
27:53But, sir, these men aren't subject to arrest.
27:55You heard what I said.
27:56Yes, sir.
27:57Distinctly.
27:58But section 2, paragraph 15, page 14
28:00of the basic field manual states
28:01that during the absence of the officer of the day,
28:04the sergeant shall perform his duties.
28:05I posted the guard during your absence,
28:07therefore I was in command, sir.
28:08Well, so you told them to patrol their posts
28:12in that ridiculous manner.
28:13No, sir.
28:14But I didn't tell them not to, sir.
28:15And according to paragraph...
28:16Quiet!
28:17I'm going to take this up with Major Greer.
28:19And you'd better be right,
28:20because if you're not,
28:21you'll be way past the retiring age
28:23when you get out of that guardhouse.
28:36Easy come, easy go.
28:38You know, Doubleday,
28:42when the Major hears about this,
28:45he's going to peel off your stripes
28:47just like...
28:48Detail dismissed.
29:04Look, it's kind of tough, I know,
29:07losing your stripes, sergeant,
29:08after you've worked so hard to get them,
29:10but...
29:10You're the right guy, sergeant.
29:11You're sticking your neck out for us.
29:13Thanks a million.
29:14Oh, we've been a bunch of heels.
29:16You did it to get me in wrong, didn't you?
29:18I was only trying to make good soldiers out of you.
29:21You know, it's a privilege to be a good soldier.
29:26I...
29:27Ah, forget it.
29:29Dodo,
29:30from now on,
29:31we're with you all the way, huh?
29:33You better...
29:34Major Greer,
29:36Sergeant Doubleday said that...
29:37Just a minute, Captain.
29:38I don't know what Doubleday said,
29:40but if he said it,
29:41chances are he's right.
29:43But, Major...
29:43You wouldn't want me to find out
29:45that the sergeant of the guard
29:46is smarter than the officer of the day,
29:48now would you?
29:52No, sir.
30:01What did he get, sir?
30:02Leavenworth?
30:02Why don't you mind your own business?
30:05You mean he got away with it?
30:07What do you think?
30:08What do you think?
30:08What do you think?
30:10Very thoughtful of them, Lieutenant.
30:35Detailing me to the...
30:37to the...
30:38dust pool.
30:38But they'll hear from me.
30:40I promise you that.
30:41They'll hear from me.
30:52Colonel Barclay,
30:53the new post commander's here, sir,
30:54and he's filming.
30:55Old Spitfire, huh?
30:56Yes, he hardly had his foot
30:57off the running board
30:58before he started yelling
30:58for the roads to be paved,
30:59the barracks to be painted,
31:00and the company street to be widened.
31:02And he just took the hide
31:03off a second lieutenant
31:04for not saluting promptly.
31:06He left his camp on his toes
31:08from now on,
31:08and I don't know
31:09all Spitfire Barclay.
31:10He's a stickler for regulations
31:11for everyone but himself.
31:18The roof of the colonel's quarters
31:19is about to blow off, sir.
31:21He's due to make a speech
31:22at the broadcasting station
31:23in half an hour.
31:23He's screaming for an order.
31:25I'll send one immediately.
31:26I know what you're thinking,
31:43but don't say it.
31:46Please, sir.
31:47I've been a good sergeant
31:48for ten years
31:49and never really ask a favor.
31:50I don't know.
31:51Once he starts giving the colonel
31:53paragraphs so-and-so,
31:54sections so-and-so,
31:54pages so-and-so,
31:55old Spitfire,
31:56I'll peel him like a banana.
32:02Detail, Sergeant.
32:03Doubleday is Colonel Barclay's orderly.
32:05Thank you, sir.
32:12Pardon me, sir,
32:13but these draftees are...
32:15Why don't you watch
32:16where you're going, soldier?
32:19What am I?
32:21A colonel or a second lieutenant?
32:23Doesn't anybody know I'm here?
32:28Officers and men
32:29of the United States Army,
32:31we must face the facts.
32:35Not bad.
32:45Oh.
32:47Oh, officers
32:48and men.
32:51Officers and men.
32:54Oh.
32:55Oh, why do I have to talk
32:57into one of these things?
32:59Officers and men
33:01of the United States Army,
33:04we must
33:05don't sneak up
33:09on me like that.
33:10I'm just reporting
33:10for duty, sir.
33:11Well, report out loud.
33:13Yes, sir.
33:14What do you want?
33:15I'm Sergeant Doubleday,
33:16assigned as your orderly, sir.
33:18Oh, you are, are you?
33:19Yes, sir.
33:20Well, understand this.
33:21When I give an order,
33:22I want you to jump.
33:23Not walk, jump.
33:24Get it?
33:24Yes, sir.
33:25Good.
33:26Don't forget it.
33:27Yes, sir.
33:27And stop that saluting.
33:28I've got arthritis.
33:30Yes.
33:30Sir.
33:33Oh, officers,
33:35are you afraid
33:37of one of those things?
33:38Afraid of a hairbrush, sir?
33:40That's not a hairbrush.
33:41That's a microphone.
33:43And every time
33:43I have to talk into one,
33:45I get,
33:45I get tongue-tied.
33:47Why not just ignore it, sir?
33:49Ignore it?
33:50I can ignore
33:51a bane of charge,
33:52but I cannot ignore that.
33:55It frightens me.
33:57Take my boots off.
33:58Yes, sir.
34:02Begging the colonel's pardon, sir,
34:04but might I inquire
34:06how the colonel
34:06got his britches off
34:08over his boots?
34:09Yeah, well, what?
34:11Well, they are off, aren't they?
34:13Yes, sir.
34:14Obviously.
34:16Oh.
34:18Why, oh, why
34:20do they put me
34:21on a national hookup?
34:22Look, when I talk to troops,
34:24I like to talk
34:25right into their faces.
34:27Through my words,
34:27right into their teeth.
34:29Instead of that,
34:30I have to talk
34:30into a tin can.
34:32And frankly, sergeant,
34:34I'm scared to death.
34:37Where are my trunks?
34:40Oh, if you look
34:41under your towel, sir,
34:42maybe you've got them on.
34:43What would...
34:44Not those,
34:45you silly numbskull.
34:47The trunks
34:48I carry my clothes in.
34:49Oh, yes, sir.
34:50I'll get them right away.
34:52You'll do nothing of the sword.
34:52Turn on my shower.
34:53Yes, sir.
34:55Six trunks
34:56of dress uniforms
34:57and I have to wear that.
35:01Colonel.
35:02What?
35:03Your socks.
35:04What?
35:06Well,
35:07well,
35:07I always wear
35:08my socks
35:09in the shower.
35:12Oh,
35:13isn't there any
35:14hot water
35:15in this dugout?
35:16Yes, sir,
35:16but you didn't give me
35:17a chance to turn it on.
35:18Well, turn it on.
35:19Yes, sir.
35:19What do you think
35:23you're doing?
35:24Boiling a lobster?
35:25Yes, sir.
35:26I mean, no, sir.
35:29Never mind.
35:30I'll adjust it myself.
35:33Cow!
35:35Hurry!
35:35Hurry!
35:36Offices and men
35:53of the United States Army.
35:55I wonder how I did
36:05get my breeches off
36:06over my boots.
36:07All right.
36:37Dodo!
36:43I've been looking all over for you.
36:45Why, Jean, where did you come from?
36:47I'd say you look keen in that outfit.
36:50Do you like it?
36:51Oh, I should say.
36:52I couldn't think of a better way to be near my favorite soldier, so I joined the BEL.
36:56We're going to give parties and dances for the boys every week and...
37:00Why, Dodo, look at you.
37:02You're a colonel already.
37:04Oh, will you see, Jean?
37:08Oh, Dodo, I'm so proud of you.
37:10I knew you'd be promoted, but I wasn't expecting it so soon.
37:14Well, it's just a...
37:16Look, Jeannie, if you don't mind, it's kind of late.
37:21Oh, I want to take you over to our headquarters and show you off to the girls.
37:25Oh, I can't right now, Jeannie.
37:27I'm awfully busy and...
37:28Nonsense.
37:29A colonel can do anything.
37:30I know that much about the army.
37:38Colonel, you'll have to hurry.
37:39You're on the air in 15 minutes.
37:40On the air?
37:41Are you going to make a speech?
37:43Yes, miss.
37:43A national hookup.
37:44Oh, I don't know how wonderful.
37:46Oh, but...
37:47May I go, too?
37:48Yes, of course.
37:49But every minute counts now.
37:50We must hurry.
37:51Oh, hurry, Dodo.
37:53Hurry.
37:54Ordly!
37:55Ordly!
37:56Where's my uniform?
37:57Where's my Ordly?
37:59Where's everybody?
38:00Look, Jean, there's been a big mistake.
38:02Oh, there's Charlie.
38:04You're home, Charlie.
38:07Hey, did you see what I saw?
38:09Yeah.
38:09Or did I?
38:11What kind of an army is this?
38:13I've told you square-headed scissor bills a thousand times
38:17that the piece is directly over the head.
38:20Now get it up there and keep it there.
38:41Now, uh...
38:46It's...
38:46It's Doubleday, sir.
38:49I just saw him.
38:50He's a colonel.
38:52Listen, Sergeant.
38:53You've only been right once.
38:55That was when you said the draftees are driving you nuts,
38:57and they are.
38:58Oh, no, Captain.
39:02I won.
39:06Just run a minute.
39:08How are you, Colonel?
39:11Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen.
39:16May I present the new commanding officer of Camp Carver?
39:19Oh, officers and men of the United States Army.
39:48Let us look the facts squarely in the face.
40:00Look, fellas, I'm going to talk to you like a man of the ranks.
40:06To be truthful with you, I'd a lot rather be listening than talking.
40:10Well, here goes, anyhow.
40:18Fellows, it's...
40:20You're in the Army now,
40:22and it's a grand Army.
40:24I know that some of you don't feel that way.
40:28I know that some of you don't feel it's fair.
40:31You've left good jobs to come and work for Uncle Sam for $21 a month.
40:37Well, we should be glad we've got an Uncle Sam to work for.
40:42Remember this.
40:44Washington gave up a good job when he went to Valley Forge.
40:48And so did other men.
40:50They didn't get $21 to give it up.
40:54There wasn't even $21 in the whole 13 colonies.
40:59That's only about $1.65 per colony.
41:02The old man got sent to you, Murat.
41:04That voice reminds me of somebody.
41:16The dog!
41:18Ah!
41:28Hey, you!
41:29What do you want?
41:30Salute you, Army goat!
41:32I'm your commanding officer!
41:34Don't give me that stuff, soldier.
41:36Come to attention!
41:37I'm Colonel Barkley!
41:39Huh?
41:41Yes, sir.
41:42Colonel Barkley, sir.
41:43I thought you were broadcasting, sir.
41:45How could I be broadcasting without any clothes?
41:49Find my orderly, and you will find my uniform.
41:51Yes, sir.
41:52I'll find him right away, sir.
41:53And when you do, bring him back alive.
41:56I personally want to shoot him at sunrise.
41:59Yes, sir.
42:00Did the government give Paul Revere taxicab fare
42:04to take him to Lexington?
42:05They did not.
42:08He furnished his own horse.
42:11And the oats, too.
42:12He sounds almost human.
42:14I didn't know the old buzzard had it in him.
42:15That's the kind of stuff to feed the troops.
42:24It means something.
42:26Captain.
42:26Who whispers...
42:27Shh.
42:28But Captain Rossmeade, sir...
42:29Quiet, eh?
42:30He has...
42:30But Captain Rossmeade...
42:31Shh.
42:31I said quiet.
42:32If the fellow has something to say, and he's an American, he'll say it right out loud.
42:41In the words of John Paul Jones, we haven't begun to fight.
42:46But when we do...
42:48Zowie!
42:58I...
42:58I thank you.
42:59Well, the old man really let his hair down.
43:01But, Captain...
43:03What is it?
43:03It's private, sir.
43:05Pardon me, Captain.
43:06Would the Captain come outside?
43:07It's private.
43:08It's...
43:09Great speech, the Spitfire man.
43:12That's what I've been trying to tell you, Captain.
43:14That wasn't the Spitfire.
43:15It was Doubleday.
43:16What?
43:17You remember.
43:17I told you I saw him in a colonel's uniform.
43:19Well, I did.
43:20I just left the old Spitfire in his quarters.
43:23Doubleday stole his uniform, went to the radio station, and delivered his speech.
43:27What could be sweeter?
43:29Now, you've got him just where I want him.
43:33Are you sure of this?
43:34I'm positive.
43:35He just ordered me to bring him back alive.
43:37Come on.
43:47Well, aren't you boys proud of your new colonel?
43:49Oh, yes, ma'am.
43:51To the colonel's quarters, driver.
43:54Right this way, colonel.
44:10Jean, you better go back to town.
44:13There's a court-martial I have to attend, and they can't hold it without me.
44:17Well, goodbye, and call me as soon as you're free.
44:20That may be never.
44:30No orderly, no nothing.
44:34I was never...
44:37What are you doing in my uniform?
44:43It was this way.
44:44Don't talk back to me.
44:46Answer.
44:46What are you doing in my uniform?
44:49I...
44:50Quiet.
44:50Take it off.
44:52Yes, sir.
44:53All right, please, sir.
44:54Come to attention, you bottleneck.
44:57I'll answer it, and don't you move.
45:01Allow.
45:02Colonel Barclay.
45:04Oh, Washington.
45:05Put him on.
45:07Never in my life have I.
45:10Hello?
45:11Colonel Barclay.
45:13Oh, yes, General.
45:14Yes, sir.
45:17What?
45:19What speech?
45:22My speech?
45:24Did you make my speech?
45:25Yes, sir, but I couldn't help it.
45:27I...
45:27I can explain that speech, sir.
45:30I...
45:30You did?
45:35You did?
45:38Timely, eh?
45:40Man to man.
45:41Yes, hit the nail on the head.
45:46Oh, no, it was just one of those things.
45:50Just on the spur of the moment.
45:54At ease, Sergeant.
45:57Yeah, well, thank you, sir.
45:59Thank you very much, sir.
46:01Oh, it was recorded.
46:04Oh, well, I should like to hear.
46:05I mean, uh, uh, uh, thanks for the compliment.
46:09Yes, goodbye, sir.
46:10Goodbye.
46:13Hmm.
46:14Begging the colonel's pardon, sir, but according to military code,
46:17I am subject to fine or imprisonment or both for impersonating an officer.
46:22Nonsense, my boy.
46:25Rules of war are not made for men like us.
46:28Where'd you get that speech?
46:30Oh, I...
46:30I just made it up as I went along, sir.
46:33You mean made it up out of your own head?
46:34Yes, sir.
46:35Do you remember what you said in my speech?
46:38Every word, sir.
46:39Sit down.
46:40Sit down.
46:41Write it for me.
46:42I may need it again.
46:48Won't be long now.
46:49Only one thing that'll spoil my day.
46:50What's that?
46:51They might bury him with full military arms.
46:53Thank you, Sergeant.
47:00What the army needs is more soldiers like us.
47:02I was only doing my duty, sir.
47:04Captain, what do you mean assigning a soldier of this caliber to orderly duty?
47:08This man's being wasted.
47:11Is there anything you want, son?
47:12Look me up.
47:13Thank you, sir.
47:20Get me another orderly!
47:23Thank you, sir.
47:53Donut!
47:59Donut!
47:59Donut!
48:00Left, left, left, left, left, left.
48:30Why, you...
48:44You slab-sided paper-picker, you!
48:48Pardon me, sir, but these draftees have driven me nuts.
48:51I can see that.
48:52What's the matter with you, Ames?
48:54An old campaigner like you going to see?
48:56You...
48:56Right shoulder.
48:57Look at my young friend, Doubleday.
49:03There's a sergeant to be proud of.
49:05Look at his men, beautifully drilled, like a well-oiled machine.
49:09Left shoulder.
49:10No, no, no.
49:13Here, give me the gun.
49:15Now, you men watch me and do exactly as I do.
49:23Now, let's get it right.
49:25Right shoulder.
49:26Turn.
49:27Halt.
49:27Oh, my God.
49:57Oh, my God.
Recommended
1:07:26
|
Up next
1:10:47
1:02:21
1:59:07
1:30:36
1:33:49
1:16:18
1:01:47
1:50:00
1:30:30
1:26:53
1:13:33
1:21:27
1:45:47
1:13:01
1:40:05
1:15:38
1:20:01
1:17:20
1:01:08
1:31:20
1:08:15
1:38:45
Be the first to comment