- 4 months ago
The most touching story that will bring tears even to men _ Full Movie_ Vs Movies World Channel
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00:00:00Layla once said that somebody once said
00:00:28all stories end in death or marriage that's because somebody was a complete
00:00:35idiot you could argue that they're more or less the same thing anyway but hey
00:00:46this is Layla's story not mine he signed it and he dotted the I in his name with a
00:01:01little happy face I swear to God that I will never let some lying clown tell me
00:01:09he loves me much less agree to marry him for it nonsense okay granted getting
00:01:20blown off on your wedding day sucks a pretty big one but you know hunt him down
00:01:23and kill him don't go all hysterical I mean what chick hasn't sworn off boys at
00:01:29some point in her life really they're they're like cigarettes you try out a few
00:01:35in the woods behind school you puke you give them up but right around that third
00:01:40jello shot they start to sound pretty good again and while we're at it what guy
00:01:46hasn't had his most tender lies well you know burnt up
00:01:53what I'm trying to say is you get over it unless of course you're still a virgin
00:02:00then it can take a while
00:02:04a long while
00:02:09good morning
00:02:30like so
00:02:32so the truth will reveal you now
00:02:35just have a
00:02:36joe
00:02:36want to kind of park later
00:02:39hood
00:02:41this is what your
00:02:44ever know the otheraud?
00:02:46everybody knows the talk is
00:02:49kitty kitty
00:02:51oh
00:02:53you see their actions
00:02:55外
00:02:56your
00:02:56ever know their reactions
00:02:58So 12 years later, and Leila's suite remains the poster child for purity.
00:03:11Gorgeous, virtuous, and clearest.
00:03:15Lost in the sexual woods with a big moral compass, but without the thing they put in
00:03:20the compass to make it actually point somewhere.
00:03:22And if on the bright side she has one male friend, note that he's on the end of the leash
00:03:27named after an anti-depressant.
00:03:29Come on, Paxil.
00:03:31Paxil!
00:03:33Come on.
00:03:38Good boy.
00:03:45What do you call this?
00:03:47It doesn't have a name.
00:03:48Where's Paxil?
00:03:50He's afraid of you.
00:03:51Well, try it at least, dear. It's full of vitamins and great slimming.
00:03:55Is your sister joining us?
00:03:57She's on the phone with Donald.
00:03:59Oh, yes.
00:04:00Donald.
00:04:01He's a very nice boy.
00:04:03Good family.
00:04:04Down this toast.
00:04:05He's about to be our son-in-law.
00:04:07Must be great in the sheets.
00:04:09Ernest.
00:04:10Why?
00:04:11Like you both haven't thought the same thing?
00:04:14Well, you probably haven't.
00:04:16God, what now?
00:04:18Mm.
00:04:19Mm.
00:04:20It's quite slimming.
00:04:21Mm.
00:04:22Here we are.
00:04:25So, ready for the big day?
00:04:27I guess.
00:04:28It's going to be a beautiful ceremony.
00:04:31I booked St. Andrews.
00:04:32Yeah.
00:04:33Ernest.
00:04:34You're quite a grouchy uncle, aren't you?
00:04:37Ignore him.
00:04:38You just fell off the horse once, that's all.
00:04:40I think she got bucked off.
00:04:42You're right again, sweetie.
00:04:44In a great big billowing white dress.
00:04:46Okay.
00:04:47Can I remind you all that I am not marriage-minded?
00:04:51I hate love.
00:04:53I hate weddings.
00:04:55Except for yours.
00:04:57And I hate white dresses.
00:04:59Obviously.
00:05:00You burned a perfectly good one to billowing gray ashes.
00:05:04Okay.
00:05:05I have to go.
00:05:07I'm late for the park.
00:05:09Come on, Paxil.
00:05:10Oh, sweetie.
00:05:11Don't.
00:05:16How can you be late to a park?
00:05:20Bye.
00:05:27Listen to this.
00:05:29Researchers announced that male dogs raised in New York City
00:05:32are at an increased risk to develop medical problems,
00:05:35including anxiety, skin rashes, depression, tooth decay,
00:05:39hypochondria, and impotence.
00:05:41We get in!
00:05:42We get in!
00:05:43We get in!
00:05:44We get in!
00:05:45We get in!
00:05:46We get in!
00:05:47We get in!
00:05:48Here!
00:05:49Here you go.
00:05:51Here you go.
00:05:53Yours?
00:06:05Me?
00:06:07No.
00:06:08Mine.
00:06:09Axel.
00:06:11Very fuzzy head.
00:06:18Yours?
00:06:19That's my sister's.
00:06:21They steal them on Sundays.
00:06:23Uh, we were just about to leave.
00:06:27I don't suppose you'd want to get a cup of coffee with us?
00:06:30I wouldn't.
00:06:31You would?
00:06:32Oh, no.
00:06:33I was just wondering why you thought that I wouldn't.
00:06:35So you want?
00:06:38I actually don't do this.
00:06:40What?
00:06:41The talking to you part.
00:06:43I understand.
00:06:45Thanks, though.
00:06:46Sure.
00:07:15Daddy!
00:07:29Daddy!
00:07:42My love.
00:07:43Bye, honey.
00:07:44I don't know what you mean.
00:07:48Daddy, let me go to the box! Let me go to the box!
00:08:05Somebody once said that nostalgia is the rust of memory.
00:08:09Now that one I agree with.
00:08:14See, people's brains are basically oysters, all mucousy and gross.
00:08:19But there's always a grain of sand inside trying to annoy the oyster into making a pearl.
00:08:25And not a bogus pearl, either.
00:08:27One with some value. One with some weight.
00:08:30The kind you cast before swine.
00:08:32Come on, Paxil. Come on.
00:08:38Of course, there is such a thing as a false pearl.
00:08:41The ten of rods.
00:08:42You know, it looks like the bartender at Vivisection.
00:08:43Ugh.
00:08:44What?
00:08:45Good morning, boss.
00:08:46Good morning, boss.
00:08:47Good morning, boss.
00:08:48Good morning, boss.
00:08:49Good morning, boss.
00:08:50The help from Slacker Hell. That's me with the marble.
00:08:53Remind me to nominate you employee of the month.
00:08:54Remind you? Isn't that what's-its job?
00:08:55Post-its.
00:08:56Prozac.
00:08:57Paxil.
00:08:59Then again, if this guy was your only customer, how hard would you work?
00:09:02Welcome to Sweets Muffin Shop.
00:09:05Would you like to hear a list of our muffins today?
00:09:09What's your problem?
00:09:12Layla wants us to be nice to the customers.
00:09:15Would you like to hear a list of our muffins today?
00:09:20What's your problem?
00:09:22Layla wants us to be nice to the customers.
00:09:26Why?
00:09:27Hey, we're friends.
00:09:29How are you?
00:09:30What are you doing?
00:09:31to be nice to the customers.
00:09:35All right, Dottie.
00:09:36Let me hear a list of your muffins today.
00:09:38Do you have cranberry?
00:09:44I'll have one of those.
00:09:45OK.
00:09:51What happened to your arm?
00:09:52You get shot?
00:09:54It's a nicotine patch.
00:09:56Like you don't get enough from smoking.
00:10:01Hey, Layla.
00:10:03Hello.
00:10:05See you tomorrow, Dottie.
00:10:05Will you lock up?
00:10:06Sure.
00:10:07You want to come out with us tonight?
00:10:08We're going to get tattoos.
00:10:09Um, I already have plans.
00:10:14All I said was hey.
00:10:17It's like I'm invisible.
00:10:23T'was brillig and the slithy toves
00:10:25did gyre and gimble in the way.
00:10:28All mimsy were the borogoves, and the moan
00:10:31wrath's outgrave.
00:10:33I remember that one.
00:10:34I'm the faintest idea what it means.
00:10:37I have a picture of Evie and me here as kids.
00:10:39Yes, I know, dear.
00:10:40I took it.
00:10:41You were six.
00:10:43Mammy, are you sorry that you never
00:10:45had children of your own?
00:10:46But I do.
00:10:47I have two beautiful daughters.
00:10:49You know what I mean.
00:10:51I don't think children were an option for me,
00:10:54or for your uncle.
00:10:56What's on your mind, sweetie?
00:11:00I want to have a baby.
00:11:02Immaculately?
00:11:03Vaginally.
00:11:06Oh, dear.
00:11:10This is not a pretty mental picture.
00:11:12Gee, thanks.
00:11:13No, seriously, I can't even get your clothes off.
00:11:16Evie!
00:11:17Layla, I'm sorry.
00:11:19It's just that for 10 years you have been locked up
00:11:21tighter than a nun.
00:11:23And now all of a sudden you want the Kama Sutra.
00:11:26Just the part that gets you pregnant.
00:11:29OK.
00:11:30Well, you know, there are working parts.
00:11:35Penis?
00:11:37Good.
00:11:38Make sure you lose the panties.
00:12:00What?
00:12:01Nothing.
00:12:02You're not wearing panties?
00:12:03No.
00:12:04I'm wearing underwear.
00:12:05You don't see men running around in...
00:12:06Panties?
00:12:07Maybe in a perfect world.
00:12:08Fine.
00:12:09Job.
00:12:10Excuse me?
00:12:11Occupation.
00:12:12I run a muffin shop.
00:12:13Gee, that's what I do.
00:12:14Shouldn't I be getting undressed now?
00:12:16Oh, sure.
00:12:17The doctor will be beating the door down any minute now.
00:12:19Oh, no.
00:12:20No.
00:12:21No.
00:12:22No.
00:12:23No.
00:12:24No.
00:12:25No.
00:12:26No.
00:12:27No.
00:12:28No.
00:12:29No.
00:12:30No.
00:12:31No.
00:12:32No.
00:12:33No.
00:12:34No.
00:12:35No.
00:12:36No.
00:12:37No.
00:12:38No.
00:12:39No.
00:12:40No.
00:12:41No.
00:12:42No.
00:12:44No.
00:12:45No.
00:13:07No.
00:13:09I'm sorry to keep you waiting.
00:13:28I'm Dr. Kirk.
00:13:31As in Beverly?
00:13:34Yes, my mother claims it's British.
00:13:36Uh, this really is quite the horrifying coincidence.
00:13:39I could refer you to a colleague.
00:13:41No, thank you.
00:13:43That won't be necessary.
00:13:45Horrifying?
00:13:47Not, of course, what I meant at all.
00:13:49Embarrassing is what I meant.
00:13:51I mean, for me, that is.
00:13:54Uh, do you know that's on backwards?
00:13:57I thought it was supposed to be.
00:13:59Uh, not here.
00:14:01Oh.
00:14:02Well, I could turn it around if...
00:14:04Oh, we'll manage.
00:14:06So, you'd like to start a family.
00:14:21Oh, that's lovely.
00:14:23Uh, I noticed you answered the sex question no.
00:14:26Yes.
00:14:28I see.
00:14:30How long have you and your partner been trying to conceive?
00:14:35I don't have a donor.
00:14:37As of yet.
00:14:41Artificial insemination?
00:14:43No, thank you.
00:14:45Right.
00:14:46I'll tell you what.
00:14:47Let's, uh, start with the routine exam.
00:14:49And, uh, when you leave, I'll recommend an ovulation kit.
00:14:52The instructions are on the package.
00:14:57Oh.
00:14:58Sorry.
00:14:59I...
00:15:00I was bored.
00:15:01It can be erased.
00:15:04You wrote this?
00:15:05It's, uh...
00:15:06Ben Casey.
00:15:08Yeah.
00:15:17I can't remember the one for birth.
00:15:19Doctor?
00:15:21Doctor.
00:15:22Yes, of course.
00:15:23I'm sorry.
00:15:26Right.
00:15:27Right.
00:15:28Um...
00:15:36I'm having trouble finding a, uh...
00:15:38Oh, your...
00:15:39Your ears are on your...
00:15:40Your neck.
00:15:41Quite right.
00:15:45Would you be more comfortable if the nurse were present?
00:15:47No.
00:15:48No, thank you.
00:15:58No, no, no, no.
00:15:59Wait.
00:16:00Did you lock it?
00:16:01Yeah, I locked it.
00:16:02Hmm.
00:16:03Hm.
00:16:04Mm.
00:16:05She didn't lock it.
00:16:06How did you look even?
00:16:07How did you...
00:16:08She didn't give you the wrong key.
00:16:09No.
00:16:10No.
00:16:11No?
00:16:12No.
00:16:13No.
00:16:14Is the customer in there?
00:16:15I don't know.
00:16:16You were just in there.
00:16:17.
00:16:18Oh.
00:16:19Oh.
00:16:21Oh.
00:16:22Alright.
00:16:23Oh, that's good.
00:16:24Oh, that's good.
00:16:25Yeah.
00:16:26Oh.
00:16:27Well, I understand that, but I'm not the person who rents out clowns.
00:16:46I'm sure you want his birthday party to be special.
00:16:51Who wouldn't?
00:16:53Hello?
00:16:55I'm not the person who rents out clowns.
00:16:58You mistakenly called my number when you were trying to reach clowns to go.
00:17:01Their number's the same as mine, but in the 718 area code.
00:17:04Hello?
00:17:05Mrs. Barrows?
00:17:06Hello?
00:17:07Hi.
00:17:08My name's Layla Sweet.
00:17:09I'm not the person who rents out clowns.
00:17:10You mistakenly called my number when you were trying to reach clowns to go.
00:17:13See, their number's the same as mine, but in the 718 area code.
00:17:17I get a lot of calls from people looking for clowns and...
00:17:21You know those people who say, get a life?
00:17:24Sure.
00:17:25I'll hold.
00:17:26Well, if you're a single, sexually challenged babe in the big city, this is a life.
00:17:33That is, until an actual one shows up.
00:17:37I saw Evie yesterday.
00:17:38How is your sister?
00:17:52Good.
00:17:53She's working on another fish story for the magazine.
00:18:07One uses the Ivy League education I paid for to write about food, the other to serve it.
00:18:13There they are.
00:18:14I think she's getting cold feet.
00:18:16That's perfectly normal.
00:18:17Oh, that reminds me, I have to check some measurements for your dress.
00:18:20Oh, not today, Mammy.
00:18:21Please.
00:18:22I understand you've got a new doctor.
00:18:23Are there any secrets in this family?
00:18:24How did you find him?
00:18:25Handsome?
00:18:26Competent.
00:18:27Bull feathers.
00:18:28He's a hunk.
00:18:29How would you know?
00:18:30Evie emailed his file.
00:18:31Oh, God.
00:18:32If you can't give it up for a cute single doctor, I'll shoot your dog.
00:18:47He's not trying to pressure you, dear.
00:18:49Yes, I am.
00:18:51When I say push, you have to push hard.
00:18:56And don't freak out if there's a little blood, okay?
00:18:58Won't it hurt?
00:18:59For a little while.
00:19:00Just make sure it goes all the way through and catch the needle with the cork.
00:19:04Okay.
00:19:05Got any cream?
00:19:06Check the fridge.
00:19:08We're out.
00:19:09Okay, you ready?
00:19:11Mm-hmm.
00:19:12All right.
00:19:13One, two, three, go!
00:19:17Ow.
00:19:18Okay, good, good, good, good.
00:19:21Good, um, just let it stay until it takes.
00:19:24Tell me if you think I've got this right.
00:19:27Attractive, intelligent, self-employed woman, not 30, virgin.
00:19:32Seeks potent, genetically sound man.
00:19:3425 to 44, short-term sex.
00:19:37No romantics or commitment seekers, please.
00:19:40So, you mentioned in your questionnaire that you have, um, four kids.
00:19:59Can I ask if you're still in touch with them?
00:20:02Well, as much as the next guy, I suppose.
00:20:06We know teenagers, they have a mind of their own.
00:20:08So your wife has custody.
00:20:10You know, custody, divorce.
00:20:15You are divorced.
00:20:18Actually, uh, where I come from, I'm known as being large.
00:20:31And, uh, do you want to see?
00:20:32No.
00:20:33Oh, okay.
00:20:34I'll put the doggy in a pound for you, baby.
00:20:37I'll get you barking like a coon hound.
00:20:40I'm just really horny.
00:20:43Woo!
00:20:44I don't shoot blanks.
00:20:45Full metal jacket.
00:20:47I once had an erection for 19 and a half hours.
00:20:51You sure you don't want to take your little peek?
00:20:54Also, the idea of not paying for sex is a new idea to me.
00:21:03You know, I almost didn't come over.
00:21:06The whole thing just seemed so, I don't know, clinical.
00:21:11Then I realized the sacrifice you were making for this baby.
00:21:15I thought, well, maybe I could help.
00:21:18Maybe I was chosen to help.
00:21:21That the Virgin of the Plains was risen.
00:21:24And that I, the foul spawn of indifference, had found purchase on the honeyed trail.
00:21:31I'm sorry, no more men.
00:21:49What?
00:21:50No interviews.
00:21:51Don't want one.
00:21:52Who are you?
00:21:53What are you supposed to be?
00:21:54What do you mean what?
00:21:55Slappy the Clown.
00:21:56Nothing rings a bell?
00:21:57What kind of childhood did you have that you don't know Slappy the Clown when he comes to your own front door?
00:21:59I heard of him.
00:22:00I just thought he was cuter.
00:22:01I brought you these.
00:22:02Don't you frighten the children.
00:22:20I just want to thank you for referring all those calls to Clowns to Go.
00:22:25Hey, you!
00:22:26Oh.
00:22:27those calls to clowns to go hey you tickles fuck off it's slappy okay and eat me pal
00:22:36well i'm sorry to bother you here
00:22:41bye
00:22:57oh
00:23:19stay back i'm sorry what i'm sorry i just don't want any menus did i ask you if you wanted any
00:23:27menus lady i didn't ask you if you wanted any menus i don't care if you want menus
00:23:32well i don't good because i don't want to crawl around like a reptile passing the damn things out
00:23:38oh poor you right poor me if i don't hand these out i don't eat well if you'd bothered to read
00:23:47my sign none of this would have happened i read your sign i ignore it that's how i make money
00:23:54and anyhow aren't you a bit attractive to be doling out menus for a living what's that supposed to mean
00:24:03nothing except you could be like a supermodel then i definitely couldn't eat fine
00:24:11so what do you want to be according to my mfa i am a poet really i love poetry say one
00:24:19what am i uh jukebox oh come on it'll be fun we could go get coffee and muffins
00:24:30do you think i need a date
00:24:40me i'd have this guy in a bondage chair with a rubber ball in his mouth
00:24:44but leila's going the stale coffee burnt pastry route we should probably have a talk
00:24:50let me guess a donut that's not mine
00:25:11what are you looking at him he's a friend okay how'd you find a friend on the street
00:25:25he's a starving artist that explains the donut it's not a donut and i have to take it somewhere
00:25:35so when he gets up give him whatever he wants don't worry and then you know show him the ropes
00:25:42we don't have ropes around here leila if we did we'd hang ourselves
00:25:45so what's he gonna do what you do do you think he can handle it
00:25:55we're supposed to tell you what to do around here as you can see business isn't an issue
00:26:01but there is something that desperately needs doing
00:26:05which is the boss you have to tell her about the birds and the bees they fly no no no no no um
00:26:17you have to tell her how to get boned consider it done you did her
00:26:27she's been clued right here right here six hours of good hard honest
00:26:35she was a bit confused about the penis who isn't straight up you guys make the worst muffins
00:26:49i've ever tasted the customer likes them
00:27:01what
00:27:05it's
00:27:19it's
00:27:20it's
00:27:23that's
00:27:31I don't have an appointment.
00:27:57No, please, come in.
00:28:01I'm sorry about Timmy.
00:28:05He's mad at his mother for being pregnant.
00:28:08Me too.
00:28:09Let me get your towel.
00:28:17Here.
00:28:19It's birth.
00:28:20Oh, he found it.
00:28:21It's kind of messy.
00:28:23Well, it usually is.
00:28:26Huh.
00:28:28Sit.
00:28:31Um, circles.
00:28:37Uh, I don't remember circles.
00:28:43So, uh, I have your, uh, your test results back and everything looks normal.
00:28:50I'm normal.
00:28:51Well, not normal.
00:28:52Well, that sounds like average, which of course I don't mean.
00:28:55Uh, you're certainly way, way above average.
00:28:57Like, uh, I don't know, uh, spectacular.
00:29:03Uh, the point being, I don't see any reason why you shouldn't be able to have a child.
00:29:08If you want to.
00:29:11Would you like a grapefruit juice?
00:29:14Ulcer.
00:29:15Ulcer, yes.
00:29:16You mentioned that.
00:29:16Uh, you read my chart, then.
00:29:18I'm nearly through it.
00:29:20Uh, you have wonderful penmanship.
00:29:22I suppose I was a little thorough.
00:29:24I don't know.
00:29:24I learned you have very good teeth.
00:29:27Not that that matters to me, of course.
00:29:28And that, uh, we had a fine education.
00:29:32Uh, which you used to, uh, uh, to become a waitress in a donut shop.
00:29:38Proprietor.
00:29:39Muffins.
00:29:40Uh, that your height and weight are perfect.
00:29:42Uh, not to mention your skin, of course, and your eyes.
00:29:51Would you go out with me?
00:29:54I really can't.
00:29:56Of course not.
00:29:56I'm sorry.
00:29:57Not that I'm against it.
00:29:58Just that it leads to, you know.
00:30:01Indicourse.
00:30:03You got pretty far in my chart.
00:30:04I was actually referring to love and marriage.
00:30:08Those two, I don't do.
00:30:11The other thing, well, I just haven't done yet.
00:30:15That's why I'm here.
00:30:22That's not birth.
00:30:23What?
00:30:24Birth's not a donut.
00:30:26It's an upside-down triangle.
00:30:28Your source?
00:30:29The what?
00:30:30Yours?
00:30:32A poet?
00:30:32I think we got a loser.
00:30:36Thank you, Jean.
00:30:43Well, I should go.
00:30:47Timmy's probably out there squirting things.
00:30:50Um, I just wanted to give birth to you.
00:30:55The sign.
00:30:56Oh.
00:30:57Yeah.
00:30:59Yeah.
00:31:01Okay.
00:31:02Hey.
00:31:26Hey, hey.
00:31:27Timmy, this is not a toy.
00:31:30Okay?
00:31:31You understand?
00:31:32You could seriously hurt somebody with one of these.
00:31:37Is Mr. Peters here?
00:31:38Where did he get food?
00:31:59Who's he?
00:32:03Astrea.
00:32:04Layla adopted him.
00:32:05Hey, who are you?
00:32:09Strictly need to know, basis.
00:32:14Where's Layla?
00:32:15She's not upstairs.
00:32:17Sorry.
00:32:18Tight ship as usual, girls.
00:32:20This place is like the Microsoft of muffin shops.
00:32:23Thanks.
00:32:25Nice to...
00:32:26Your skin and bones are going to make you a tin roof.
00:32:38It's your uncle's favorite.
00:32:40Every bite could kill him.
00:32:43Mammy, you're kind of like a woman, right?
00:32:47It's a good thing I love you, dear.
00:32:51You know what I mean.
00:32:52You're softer than uncle.
00:32:54Thank you, sweetie.
00:32:58Do you still have sex with him?
00:33:02You do know that normal people don't talk like this.
00:33:05Well, when you do, does a big bell go off or something?
00:33:11Because I've interviewed some men, and I don't think I have a bell, Mammy.
00:33:16It's just in a different key, dear.
00:33:19You have to wait for the right song.
00:33:21Out of the car.
00:33:48Seems like a dove
00:33:50Write some words
00:33:53About anything
00:33:55Anything alone
00:33:58I paint a picture
00:34:01Of my prison
00:34:03With blue and gray
00:34:05For the skies and bold
00:34:08It's a twinkies
00:34:09Framed inside
00:34:10With a song
00:34:12Anything alone
00:34:16Yeah, I had to go
00:34:19But I won't miss him
00:34:21I've got better things to do
00:34:26Like writing stories
00:34:28And making pictures
00:34:30Of anything alone
00:34:33Enough
00:34:35Sounds
00:34:39You
00:34:40Come
00:34:41That's
00:34:43About anything
00:34:44You
00:34:45You
00:34:46You
00:34:46You
00:34:48You
00:34:49You
00:34:49You
00:34:50You
00:34:51You
00:34:52You
00:34:54You
00:34:55Not about the children!
00:35:09A story about a couple
00:35:14Still apart from an old movie
00:35:18You can tell what inspired you
00:35:23For anything alone
00:35:28He had to go but I won't miss him
00:35:32I've got better things to do
00:35:36Like writing stories and painting pictures
00:35:41Of anything alone
00:35:45Anything alone
00:35:53Axel, you fed yourself
00:36:10What a great dog
00:36:12Hey Lila, it's me
00:36:19I'm with Mammy choosing linens or something
00:36:21Oh, I left you some goodies today
00:36:24Have you picked a guy yet?
00:36:26Call me
00:36:27Uh, hi, my son is having a birthday party on the 17th
00:36:32Hello
00:36:33I was wondering if you had someone who makes balloon animals
00:36:35Especially pigs
00:36:36Please let me know
00:36:37Hello
00:36:38Hello, you there?
00:36:41Hi
00:36:45Who are you?
00:36:46It's me, Slappy
00:36:47You're not Slappy
00:36:49He's got blue hair
00:36:51Alright, so I'm the gingerbread man
00:36:53Do you think I can come upstairs and change my clothes?
00:36:56Please?
00:36:57Why?
00:36:58Because I'm a cookie
00:37:00Hey, you
00:37:01Yeah, you
00:37:02Ginger snack
00:37:03What?
00:37:04Fuck off!
00:37:05Do you have a business card?
00:37:16Eddie, head clown
00:37:21Paxel, head dog
00:37:23I'm Lila
00:37:26Do you think I could use your...
00:37:28Oh yeah, sure
00:37:29It's right back there
00:37:30Thanks
00:37:31Excuse me
00:37:32Oh
00:37:35What are you having?
00:37:36Oh
00:37:37What are you having?
00:37:38Oh
00:37:39I've changed my mind
00:37:40Would you like anything?
00:37:41What are you having?
00:37:44What are you having?
00:37:45Oh
00:37:46I've changed my mind
00:37:47Would you like anything?
00:37:49At all?
00:37:50Along the lines of milk?
00:37:51Do you have anything along the lines of tequila?
00:37:54I've had a long day
00:37:55There's a bottle up there
00:37:56of scotch
00:37:57But it's ten years old
00:37:58But it's ten years old
00:37:59and the look is in the way
00:38:00I've had a long day
00:38:04I've had a long day
00:38:06I've changed my mind.
00:38:08Would you like anything at all?
00:38:11Along the lines of milk.
00:38:14Do you have anything along the lines of tequila?
00:38:18I've had a long day.
00:38:20There's a bottle up there of scotch,
00:38:24but it's ten years old,
00:38:26and the label on it warns you that it was twelve years to begin with.
00:38:36Looks like you could use some, too.
00:38:42Me?
00:38:43No, I haven't had any since I was eighteen.
00:38:49Alcohol.
00:38:51I got dumped, I got depressed,
00:38:53and I drank a whole bottle of Blue Nun.
00:38:55Ooh.
00:38:56Mm-hmm.
00:38:57What kind of peckerhead would dump a babe like you?
00:39:00I bet you say that to all the girls.
00:39:06What's with the guard dog?
00:39:21He wasn't as pretty as the collies, so they dumped him.
00:39:25Who dumped him?
00:39:27He's rich and different owners.
00:39:30Some people shouldn't have dogs,
00:39:33and others who truly deserve him can't have him.
00:39:36Like who?
00:39:38Orphans.
00:39:39Orphans do not have beautiful dogs with little red collars.
00:39:44What about Annie?
00:39:46She's an exception.
00:39:48She's a cartoon.
00:39:52So, what do you have?
00:39:55Oh.
00:39:58What's good?
00:40:00I wish I had some coffee.
00:40:03Drink up.
00:40:05Drink, drink, drink.
00:40:09Thanks.
00:40:10N.
00:40:11Okay.
00:40:14Nepal.
00:40:19Laselto.
00:40:20Ooh, la-la.
00:40:23Um...
00:40:25O.
00:40:26There aren't any O's.
00:40:29There's one.
00:40:31Okinawa.
00:40:32That's not a country.
00:40:35Ah!
00:40:36That's another drink right there.
00:40:37No fair.
00:40:38You played this before.
00:40:40All right.
00:40:41More ice.
00:40:51I fed myself.
00:40:53Good for you.
00:40:54Have a girl.
00:40:55I'm trying.
00:40:56I'm trying.
00:40:57I'm trying.
00:40:58Okay?
00:40:59Don't...
00:41:00Don't pressure me.
00:41:01Wait, you're married?
00:41:02No.
00:41:03Gay?
00:41:04No.
00:41:05Well, help me out here, Layla.
00:41:07That's my sex life.
00:41:08I'm like...
00:41:09a total...
00:41:10virgin.
00:41:12Will you show me?
00:41:13How?
00:41:14No.
00:41:15No.
00:41:16Well, help me out here, Layla.
00:41:26That's my sex life.
00:41:28I'm like...
00:41:29I'm like...
00:41:30a total...
00:41:31virgin.
00:41:37Will you show me...
00:41:38how?
00:41:39Um...
00:41:40well...
00:41:41your lips were a little...
00:41:42a little bit slack.
00:41:43you might want to, uh...
00:41:44just...
00:41:45um...
00:41:46to me.
00:41:47You'll do.
00:41:48Huh?
00:41:49You'll do.
00:42:02Huh?
00:42:03You'll do.
00:42:08Huh?
00:42:09Oh, my God.
00:42:11Oh, my God.
00:42:12You'll do.
00:42:14Huh?
00:42:17Huh?
00:42:20Oh, my God.
00:42:26Oh, my God.
00:42:27Oh, my God.
00:42:30Last night I got loaded on a bottle of whiskey
00:42:37On a bottle of whiskey
00:42:39Last night I got loaded on a bottle of whiskey
00:42:47On a bottle of whiskey
00:42:49You know I feel all right
00:42:52Feel all right
00:42:54Feel all right
00:42:58You're all right.
00:43:22I never would have got that.
00:43:24So you didn't actually have sex then?
00:43:28No, not according to the evidence.
00:43:30Well, good.
00:43:33Well, I mean, uh, most people like to at least remember their first time so they can pretend years later they enjoyed it.
00:43:39Look, I want tips.
00:43:41Hard tips.
00:43:43Hard as bullets.
00:43:45I want it to be scary.
00:43:47Tips?
00:43:48Positions.
00:43:49Good ones.
00:43:51I have to answer you?
00:43:52You're my doctor.
00:43:53Yeah, yes.
00:43:55Well, there's a, uh, a school of thought which believes that conception may be more likely to occur if one were to...
00:44:06Well, if you were to get up on one's, um...
00:44:12...off forests, helping to, you know, attaining a sperm near the cervix.
00:44:20Sperm near the cervix?
00:44:21Then after, you might want to, to, to, to roll over on, on one's, uh...
00:44:28Back?
00:44:29Good.
00:44:30That's so that you're long.
00:44:31You're, uh, or up in the air.
00:44:33My legs.
00:44:34That would be fine.
00:44:36And...
00:44:37Bradley takes over.
00:44:40Gee, doesn't sound like much fun.
00:44:44Speak for yourself.
00:44:44Good night, dear.
00:44:45I got drunk and kissed a clam.
00:44:46But that's wonderful.
00:44:47I went to the doctor.
00:44:49You don't need a doctor.
00:44:51It got worse at the doctors.
00:44:52It's about love, isn't it?
00:44:53That sickly blue sheen under your skin.
00:44:58An affair of the heart can be wretchedly blue. People have perished.
00:45:05It's alcohol, and not love.
00:45:06There's nothing wrong in a little champagne, in moderation, and on the right occasion.
00:45:11Put away the tidal wave of scotch.
00:45:12Washes away the inhibitions. Very instrumental in the bedding of your uncle. And look how that
00:45:18turned out. Oh, Lord. Your uncle, the fitting.
00:45:20What's the fitting?
00:45:21Baby, sister's big day. They're the maid of honor. I left Ernest in a love car. Today's
00:45:28the final fitting.
00:45:29When was the first?
00:45:31Well, honey, you're not the bride.
00:45:33You're not the bride.
00:45:34Well, you're the bride.
00:45:36I left Ernest in a love car.
00:45:38Today's the final fitting.
00:45:39When was the first?
00:45:41Well, honey, you're not the bride.
00:45:44No, you're sitting in a love car sometimes.
00:45:47I don't know what you came in with my叉ers.
00:45:49No.
00:45:50Well, of course, you will be one again.
00:45:54Oh, there's everybody's coat.
00:45:57Just bring me a dress. I don't even care if it fits.
00:46:01Yumikatsuru waits for no one.
00:46:05She outfitted the nutcracker.
00:46:10I don't see how one person can forget about another person
00:46:13when that person is sitting downstairs in a car for an hour.
00:46:20Twenty minutes max.
00:46:22Forty bucks minimum.
00:46:24Where's Evie?
00:46:26You tell her.
00:46:28She's not in the mood.
00:46:30It's her wedding. I'm not in the mood.
00:46:32The important thing is, the only thing is, there is going to be a wedding.
00:46:36What about the dress?
00:46:38Tell her.
00:46:40You tell her.
00:46:42Tell me what?
00:46:44No.
00:46:46Absolutely not.
00:46:48I do not wear gowns.
00:46:50You can, and you will.
00:46:53Oh, no.
00:46:55Don't worry. You'll be in another jiffy.
00:46:57And you're practically the same size as Evie, except for the rise.
00:47:00And there is no rise.
00:47:02And, of course, the little white panties.
00:47:04How do you do?
00:47:06Is this the joyful bride?
00:47:08No.
00:47:09Do I detect a few jitters?
00:47:11You detect a bottle of scotch.
00:47:14Where's the dumb dress?
00:47:16Please excuse my extra niece.
00:47:18She poo-poos love and marriage.
00:47:20Ah, the single sister of the bride.
00:47:24Poor child.
00:47:25For this poor child, we'll also need something in white.
00:47:28As we mentioned, we're planning an all-white wedding.
00:47:31This one actually is a virgin.
00:47:34The bride, of course, is not.
00:47:36Ah, yes.
00:47:37Don't worry.
00:47:38When a young woman puts on a wedding dress, even someone else's,
00:47:42she's positively transformed.
00:48:01Long life.
00:48:02Don't worry.
00:48:03情緒
00:48:26Where am I in a dream, in a dream?
00:48:36Fly me away to the moon and the stars.
00:48:42Fly away so far.
00:48:56You're a bad boy, no I'm not, yes you are, no I'm not, yes you are, no I'm not.
00:49:16Spartacus?
00:49:18Me, Addie.
00:49:21You look like Spartacus, then you look like a lot of people.
00:49:26Why are you crying?
00:49:29Cause I barfed on my sister's wedding dress.
00:49:33You can tell me.
00:49:35I just did.
00:49:37Come on Layla.
00:49:40You're trying to get me to say that I'm crying.
00:49:44Well, that I'm really crying because I once was a kid.
00:49:51And I once had parents.
00:49:55And I once had secret hopes and dreams.
00:49:59But I'm afraid that that's not it.
00:50:02It's that I threw up on my sister's dress.
00:50:05Well, my uncles will have it clean, but still my sister, my little baby sister has to get married in a dress that I barfed on.
00:50:13Once you barf on it, they make you buy it.
00:50:16Bastards.
00:50:19One look I'm talking about.
00:50:23One.
00:50:25And suddenly I am, I'm in this vortex of some giant sucking, unfathomably forceful force.
00:50:38We're still talking about the Virgin, right?
00:50:41It's more like a great big thundering speedball of a rushing toady flood.
00:50:51You know that feeling?
00:50:53Lust?
00:50:55Dread.
00:50:57The kind of dread that perfect women inspire.
00:51:01I'm married.
00:51:03She writes five TV show words on my blackboard.
00:51:06And I run with it. Boy, do I run with it.
00:51:08Let it out.
00:51:11I don't completely remember last night.
00:51:16You were toast.
00:51:18Still, I should thank you for being such a gentleman.
00:51:21You were a tad unconscious at the time.
00:51:23They have laws about that.
00:51:25Gee, you're like the perfect clown.
00:51:28I'm not a clown now.
00:51:31No, you're a vulcanized gladiator.
00:51:34I saw the movie.
00:51:36Touch my chest.
00:51:39It's so cold and synthetic.
00:51:42But inside beats the heart of a lion.
00:51:44Noble Roman.
00:51:46The sword is out to your service.
00:51:49Would you be so shamelessly used?
00:51:52I'm Spartacus.
00:51:54You really do deserve to wear the skirts.
00:51:57And put your face, put your face, put your face, put your face, put your face, put your face, put your face, put your face.
00:52:11That's it!
00:52:12That's it!
00:52:13Good boy, Donna!
00:52:14Good boy, Donna!
00:52:16Okay, what happened next?
00:52:17I don't know what he does.
00:52:18So, Benny took off his helmet.
00:52:20And he kissed me a lot.
00:52:25All over.
00:52:26And you were awake.
00:52:28That's so great.
00:52:30Breastplate on or off?
00:52:33Oh.
00:52:34Oh, my God.
00:52:35This is just like ice cold.
00:52:37Did you touch it?
00:52:39I laughed at it.
00:52:41No!
00:52:42Layla, no!
00:52:44He took it out.
00:52:45I laughed and he left.
00:52:47That's all.
00:52:48That's all.
00:52:49I think that's probably enough.
00:52:52He's quite graceful.
00:53:05He's rich.
00:53:07He's gorgeous.
00:53:10He's perfect in bed.
00:53:15Oh, God.
00:53:20Hey, boss.
00:53:45Haven't seen you in a while.
00:53:46Where are all these people?
00:53:48Customers.
00:53:50When do we get customers?
00:53:53Here's the deal, Harvard.
00:53:56From now on, the menu's whatever I decide to cook.
00:54:00I set the prices according to who's buying.
00:54:03Lawyers can no longer refer to it here.
00:54:06Hey, I'm a lawyer.
00:54:08Who is this guy?
00:54:09He hates that question.
00:54:11How would you know?
00:54:13I get no salary but 10% of the gross.
00:54:21We close on Wednesdays because I don't like Wednesdays.
00:54:24And we are close on Sundays because I do like Sundays.
00:54:27But it's possible that I will leave at any time.
00:54:30Do we have an understanding?
00:54:33Are you wanted or something?
00:54:35Good one, Donald.
00:54:36Say yes, boss.
00:54:39Can you get her here by 6 a.m.?
00:54:41Nose rings set and shined.
00:54:43Doubtful.
00:54:44Very, very doubtful.
00:54:46So, who's angry?
00:54:49I could eat.
00:54:50What about you?
00:54:52I don't know how to price your meal.
00:54:54Layla.
00:54:55Uh.
00:54:56Eddie.
00:54:57Listen, I don't know what got into me last night.
00:55:01I'm not used to being laughed at.
00:55:03Some clown.
00:55:04Last night?
00:55:05It's a long story.
00:55:06So this is Slappy?
00:55:07All the good names were taken.
00:55:08Could we take this?
00:55:11Listen, Layla.
00:55:12I'm beginning to feel a little bit objectified here.
00:55:26Defender?
00:55:27Oh, good.
00:55:28Children.
00:55:29Are you really the defender?
00:55:30Sure.
00:55:31Why not?
00:55:32Then you gotta help her.
00:55:33She's sick.
00:55:34Oh, good.
00:55:35Children.
00:55:36Are you really the defender?
00:55:37Sure, why not?
00:55:38Then you gotta help her.
00:55:39She's sick.
00:55:46How is she?
00:55:47Mildly hypothermic.
00:55:48A little weak.
00:55:49She'll be fine.
00:55:50Well, you always feel better when they throw up on you.
00:55:52Uh, who are you again?
00:55:54Eddie.
00:55:55Head clown.
00:55:57Oh.
00:56:00So someone must be worried about you, huh?
00:56:02What's your name?
00:56:04I'm Jack.
00:56:05She's red.
00:56:06Nobody's worried.
00:56:08Okay.
00:56:09Red.
00:56:10That's a pretty name.
00:56:11Do you remember your address?
00:56:12Hmm?
00:56:13She zipped her lips.
00:56:14Really?
00:56:15You know, I once did that too.
00:56:16I once zipped mine for about a month.
00:56:18So where's the secret key?
00:56:20It's a zipper.
00:56:21Not a lock.
00:56:23Huh.
00:56:24Whoops.
00:56:25Okay, then what about you?
00:56:29What's your address?
00:56:30Samasuras.
00:56:31Or twins.
00:56:32Huh.
00:56:33Well, on that note, Doc, Layla, kids, I'm off to right some wrongs.
00:56:42Is he your boyfriend?
00:56:43I don't have boyfriends, Jack.
00:56:44He's not really a superhero, you know.
00:56:45Not by a long stretch.
00:56:46Here you go, sweetie.
00:56:47You know what that?
00:56:48My dog?
00:56:49I was gonna mention him.
00:56:50Hey.
00:56:51That's her dog.
00:56:52Okay.
00:56:53Will you take good care of him?
00:56:55He zipped his lips too.
00:56:56Jack?
00:56:57Red?
00:56:58You're staying with me tonight, okay?
00:56:59Do you have a cable?
00:57:01Uh, they're staying with us.
00:57:02Um, they're not a superhero.
00:57:04I don't even want any superhero, you know.
00:57:05Not by a long stretch.
00:57:07Here you go, sweetie.
00:57:08You know what that?
00:57:09My dog?
00:57:11I was gonna mention him.
00:57:12Hey.
00:57:13That's her dog.
00:57:14Okay.
00:57:15Will you take good care of him?
00:57:16Hmm?
00:57:17He zipped his lips too.
00:57:18Jack?
00:57:19Red, you're staying with me tonight, okay?
00:57:21I'm just going to go tuck her in, okay?
00:57:34Okay.
00:57:36Your room's right there.
00:57:39Yeah.
00:57:39I'm just going to wait here for a second.
00:57:54Okay.
00:57:55You know, make sure everything's cool.
00:58:00I understand.
00:58:02Because you never know what's going to happen.
00:58:05That's true.
00:58:07I'm not even that tired.
00:58:10You're a brave guy, Jack.
00:58:11He took good care of your sister.
00:58:14Can I shake your hand?
00:58:20All right.
00:58:21You know, I was thinking, though, what if, uh, what if Red wakes up and, uh, you're not there?
00:58:28She might get scared.
00:58:31I know you'd rather have your own room, but you think for tonight you might stay with her?
00:58:35Protect her?
00:58:37Yeah?
00:58:38Yeah?
00:58:39I may not be perfect at this, but I won't be mean.
00:58:57So, please, don't get anything bad or fatal or indictable while you're here.
00:59:05Or not here.
00:59:07Actually, don't get anything.
00:59:09Anywhere.
00:59:10Okay?
00:59:13Amen.
00:59:16And you, look after them, Buster.
00:59:18Nice thing.
00:59:30Nice thing.
00:59:30It's nice, like a little story.
00:59:37Yeah.
00:59:39Yeah.
00:59:40When Evie and I were kids, we used to think our father was an astronaut, because there was always space suits lying around the house.
00:59:50His real job was to make sure that the visors on the helmets didn't steam up.
00:59:54Not everyone's a star.
00:59:57Not everyone's a star.
00:59:58What's going to happen to them?
01:00:12I don't know.
01:00:14Well, make some calls.
01:00:17I was thinking that they could stay here.
01:00:20What about your mission?
01:00:22Well, I can postpone that.
01:00:26Still, I think Eddie's an excellent choice.
01:00:29He can name almost every country.
01:00:31On Krypton?
01:00:31I'm serious.
01:00:35Okay, seriously, then, I would have to say the clown in question is not an excellent choice.
01:00:42It's less than excellent.
01:00:44In fact, actually, it's insane.
01:00:47It is stupendously, mind-numbingly insane.
01:00:55You don't practice on children, Layla.
01:00:58You don't pick daddies off a Wheaties box.
01:01:01The only thing more idiotic than letting that guy touch you is letting him father your child.
01:01:07And the only thing dumber than that is you having a child in the first place.
01:01:13Is that a medical opinion?
01:01:15No.
01:01:16No.
01:01:17Do you want one?
01:01:20No.
01:01:20You know, when I was about four, my mom was pregnant with my little sister.
01:01:35And she asked me if I wanted to touch her stomach.
01:01:42And I burst out crying because I thought that she'd swallowed this baby.
01:01:46And that she was going to swallow me.
01:01:52So?
01:01:54So she told me that she loved me more than anything.
01:01:58And that I had nothing to be scared of.
01:02:04I mean, the reason I know, I mean, I absolutely know, that you can love somebody again, Layla.
01:02:12Is that you're so completely afraid to.
01:02:14Why are you doing this to me?
01:02:27Layla.
01:02:29I can't.
01:02:34Look, I told you from the beginning.
01:02:37No, I know.
01:02:38You don't do love.
01:02:39I'm sorry.
01:02:50Me too.
01:02:51Me too.
01:03:09You don't do love.
01:04:23This is a very lucky card.
01:04:25This means that you'll have a lot of...
01:04:28luck.
01:04:30Rest steady.
01:04:32Little flip.
01:04:34I got a pancake.
01:04:41Hey, you.
01:04:56You guys ready?
01:05:01Not done.
01:05:03Hey.
01:05:04Hands up.
01:05:10Ten minutes, kids, and we're out of here, okay?
01:05:13Never knowing when they've lost the game.
01:05:20I just wanted to thank you for what you almost did to me.
01:05:25Oh, and under the cape?
01:05:26Very impressive.
01:05:27I know.
01:05:28I've seen videos.
01:05:29Certainly didn't mean to laugh.
01:05:30But this just isn't a good time for me.
01:05:31At all.
01:05:32And...
01:05:35You've been very kind.
01:05:36You've been very kind.
01:05:37Oh, and by the way...
01:05:38Um, Mrs. Herbert is looking for...
01:05:39two clowns and a couple of clowns.
01:05:42Oh, and by the way...
01:05:43Mrs. Herbert is looking for...
01:05:45two clowns and a couple of clowns.
01:05:46I don't know.
01:05:47Oh, I'm so happy to have a chance.
01:05:49I'm just gonna be happy to have a chance.
01:05:50Oh, and I think...
01:05:51I'm gonna be happy to have a chance.
01:05:53So, I know.
01:05:54I've seen videos.
01:05:55I certainly didn't mean to laugh.
01:05:56But this just isn't a good time for me.
01:05:58At all.
01:05:59And...
01:06:01You've been very kind.
01:06:03Oh, and by the way, Mrs. Herbert is looking for two clowns on Sunday.
01:06:10I said you were excellent.
01:06:33Oh, God, that girl talk.
01:06:48Let them be.
01:06:49This is a precious time for sisters.
01:06:53Ten minutes.
01:06:55I could be making a big mistake.
01:07:02Me too.
01:07:04This isn't about you.
01:07:07Sorry.
01:07:11You stupid little monster.
01:07:14She won't put on the dress or speak to me.
01:07:18She's not a sure talker.
01:07:20Oh.
01:07:21Aren't you?
01:07:22Huh?
01:07:25Do we know any of these people?
01:07:29That's Dr. Beverly.
01:07:30Is this the way you felt before you almost got married?
01:07:44No.
01:07:44I felt perfect.
01:07:49I felt beautiful.
01:07:52Well, that fucked up.
01:07:54Thanks.
01:07:56No, that's good.
01:07:58Because you were really happy.
01:08:01And the guy bailed.
01:08:02And I'm really drunk.
01:08:09So this is good.
01:08:11This is fine.
01:08:12You shave your own fits.
01:08:19I do.
01:08:22Oh, my God.
01:08:25You look like an angel.
01:08:33Very nice.
01:08:35Could we get on with this?
01:08:39Red.
01:08:51Red.
01:08:53You're beautiful.
01:08:55So are you.
01:09:02Okay.
01:09:03All in our places with sunshiny faces.
01:09:05Oh, shit.
01:09:32What?
01:09:32I forgot to write my vows.
01:09:36We were supposed to write vows.
01:09:37I just...
01:09:39...
01:09:59Little Harvard.
01:10:03Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:10:20In the maze, they still let heterosexuals marry.
01:10:24Is the groom at least here this time?
01:10:27He's here.
01:10:29When Evie divorces him and remarries,
01:10:32you do realize we'll have at least one more of these?
01:10:36Your pessimism has no place at this ceremony.
01:10:39Hmm.
01:10:58Would you agree that the eyes are the windows of the soul?
01:11:18Uh, absolutely, Father.
01:11:22Perhaps your bride might like a glimpse of your soul just now.
01:11:34Dearly beloved,
01:11:36we are gathered here in the sight of God
01:11:38and in the face of this company
01:11:39to join together this man and this woman
01:11:41in holy matrimony.
01:11:44You two.
01:11:49Rough night.
01:11:50Before we recite the traditional vows,
01:11:54I understand the bride and groom have taken the time
01:11:56to compose something from their hearts.
01:12:03Why do I have to go first?
01:12:05Just read what you've written, son.
01:12:07I love you.
01:12:19Deeply.
01:12:23Like the deep...
01:12:26snow.
01:12:27Sometimes the heart is too full for words.
01:12:37And the bride's declaration?
01:12:46Is she drunk?
01:12:51She always got a bee suit here.
01:12:53It's a bee.
01:12:54Oh.
01:12:59Just forget it.
01:13:00Let's, uh...
01:13:01Let's move on.
01:13:03Deep snow?
01:13:06Well then.
01:13:08If any man could show just cause
01:13:10why these two may not lawfully be joined together,
01:13:13let him speak now,
01:13:15or else hereafter forever hold his peace.
01:13:21Anyone?
01:13:24No.
01:13:26Excuse me.
01:13:28Wilt thou, Donald, take this woman
01:13:29to be thy wedded wife?
01:13:31Wilt thou love her, comfort her,
01:13:32honor and keep her
01:13:33in sickness and in health
01:13:35as long as you both shall live?
01:13:38I do.
01:13:40Wilt.
01:13:44Wilt thou, Evie, take this man
01:13:45to thy wedded husband?
01:13:47Wilt thou love him, comfort him,
01:13:49honor and keep him
01:13:50in sickness and in health
01:13:51as long as you both shall live?
01:13:55Oh, boy.
01:13:59Just saying I do.
01:14:05Or I do.
01:14:06Or something else.
01:14:11Excuse me?
01:14:12Is it too late to forever not hold my peace?
01:14:15Uh...
01:14:18I mean, to speak now.
01:14:21Who is this woman?
01:14:22Sister.
01:14:23Look, Donald.
01:14:24I know this is really tricky timing and everything.
01:14:28I mean, God, you've got your whole family here.
01:14:32But look, my guy didn't even make it inside the church.
01:14:36At least Evie walked all the way up here to tell you.
01:14:39Tell me what?
01:14:41That you're not the one, Donald.
01:14:44You're certainly a one.
01:14:46Probably even the one to a lot of women.
01:14:48Evie says you really know your way around a waterbed.
01:14:51But you're just gonna have to be somebody else's big one.
01:14:57Well, that makes it unanimous.
01:14:59You're not.
01:15:00Louis, you're his father.
01:15:02Anyway, I'm the last person who should say anything about love.
01:15:05But I know what it looks like.
01:15:11You see, it's this thing.
01:15:15It's this...
01:15:17Really...
01:15:19It's this thing that gets under your skin.
01:15:23And...
01:15:25And what in me is dark illumines?
01:15:31Wow.
01:15:32That's great.
01:15:33Very medieval.
01:15:34But no, I was gonna say it's a hairball.
01:15:38It's an unholy hairball.
01:15:42Which rots and festers and grows enormous.
01:15:47So for like 12 years, you don't lay a finger on it.
01:15:52For fear that when it stops choking and itching and gagging you,
01:15:57you won't feel anything at all.
01:15:59And then, one day, a lightbulb goes on and you see.
01:16:06And you know.
01:16:09Well, that your sister shouldn't marry the man that she intended to.
01:16:13That's all.
01:16:15She's right, Donald.
01:16:17You think about it?
01:16:19You understand, don't you?
01:16:21I understand.
01:16:23I just don't know where to go.
01:16:24Well, don't go anywhere.
01:16:26We're, uh...
01:16:27We're unmarried.
01:16:28We're not dead.
01:16:29We can still get together later.
01:16:30Well, then.
01:16:31If there are no more completely inappropriate surprises,
01:16:33perhaps now would be a fine time to call these proceedings to a small floor.
01:16:37Wait.
01:16:38There's actually just one more thing.
01:16:39Of course there is.
01:16:40When I was 17, I stood outside of this very church and swore to God that I would never again let anyone tell me they'd love me.
01:16:50And guess what?
01:16:52Nobody has.
01:16:57Because the longer that the wall stood, I would never again let anyone tell me they loved me.
01:16:59And guess what?
01:17:02Nobody has.
01:17:03I stood outside of this very church
01:17:06and swore to God that I would never again
01:17:09let anyone tell me they love me.
01:17:12And guess what?
01:17:14Nobody has.
01:17:17Because the longer that the wall stood,
01:17:20the higher it got
01:17:21until no one could knock it down anymore.
01:17:25Least of all me.
01:17:28I've spent a long time scared to let anyone in.
01:17:33Especially the one who's
01:17:34hiding out there behind the curtain.
01:17:38How about it, Beverly?
01:17:41Will you love me?
01:17:44Beverly, not in my church.
01:17:45He's a man, Reverend.
01:17:48He's a good and kind man.
01:17:50But even if you're a woman,
01:17:51I'd love him till death even dared.
01:17:54Beverly, will you keep me and comfort me
01:17:57in sickness and dubious mental health?
01:18:02Beverly?
01:18:03ơi, what are you doing?
01:18:28What are you doing? Nobody's married.
01:18:33We may never get this close again, so kiss me, darling.
01:18:37Oh, you're insane.
01:18:53As for the rest of us, no real change in forecast.
01:18:57The customer smokes and pines, but mostly smokes.
01:19:05Many men actually did manage to turn this dump around.
01:19:09All the while banging Evie, who continues to date Donald.
01:19:13Dottie's in a millennium cult.
01:19:17Mammy, our den mother, is deeply in denial.
01:19:21Forever planning fabulous weddings that will never come,
01:19:24and fussing over the adopted twins.
01:19:29Ernest, on the other hand, thinks children, like dogs, should be seen and not heard.
01:19:36I don't know who that guy is with Preacher, but he kinda smells.
01:19:39Me? I got stung by Eddie. Repeatedly.
01:19:43Until I realized I was allergic to bees.
01:19:46I have something for you.
01:19:48I have something for you.
01:19:54It's birth.
01:19:58I have something for you, too.
01:20:05Where are they going?
01:20:07Boy, you're dumb.
01:20:08I have something for you.
01:20:13Wine comes in at the mouth.
01:20:16Love comes in at the eye.
01:20:18That is all we shall know of truth before we grow old and die.
01:20:22I lift my glass to my mouth.
01:20:24I look at you and I sigh.
01:20:26That's Layla's favorite poem, which she learned at Harvard.
01:20:30She says it's romantic, but I take it to mean a guy will only love you when he's loaded.
01:20:36Which is why I have no plans for college.
01:20:38I brought something for Layla.
01:20:43I got something for Layla.
01:20:45I was gonna bring it if she, you know, to give her.
01:20:49I found this in the garbage.
01:20:51It's a, uh, I think, I think it was like a snowball.
01:20:56You know, it's got, it's New York City in here.
01:21:00It's New York and there was, like, water with snow in it and stuff.
01:21:03And, um, it must have broke.
01:21:05And I thought, I thought she would like, it actually plays a song.
01:21:16See, this is the, um, Empire State Building here.
01:21:22That's, um, the, the Plymouth.
01:21:27No, uh, Chrysler Building.
01:21:29And, um, I love New York, man.
01:21:32I really love New York.
01:21:33It's such a great town.
01:21:36I mean, I love it when it snows in New York, you know, when it covers all the shit and the grime.
01:21:40Which, with snow still in it, she would probably, but it still, it still plays a song.
01:21:45And there's Times Square.
01:21:47Lots of porno shops.
01:21:49And, uh, there's a little, little cab right there.
01:21:52There's snow.
01:21:54Snowy in New York.
01:21:55I know the song to, uh, um, start letting me out.
01:22:07Um, I'm coming today.
01:22:12Um, New York, New York.
01:22:16New York.
01:22:17It's, it's a hell of a town.
01:22:22Something's up and the other thing is down.
01:22:26And I'm gonna drive in a cab with Layla all over town.
01:22:32And we'll make it in this town.
01:22:40I love Layla, man.
01:22:41I really love Layla.
01:22:42I really love Layla.
01:22:44Hey man, a little bit of a lamp...
01:22:46Ow!
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