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Transcript
00:00So I didn't fully read the body of the email.
00:02I just read the subject line.
00:03It said, pitch perfect in my cool baseball movie.
00:06Put me in, coach.
00:09I showed up to this audition like a true asshole.
00:12I was in baseball pants doing stretches in the parking lot,
00:16practicing ground balls, just .
00:23I walk in the audition, I swear to you,
00:24I walk in the audition, there's all these cool ass dudes.
00:27Like Hollywood is like a weird place,
00:29because everyone's like the better looking version of you.
00:32They're like looking for a type and you walk in
00:34and there's just a bunch of Taylor Lautner looking motherfuckers.
00:37How come cool guys always look like
00:38they just had some shit thrown in their eyes?
00:40You know what it's like, they were like totally normal
00:42when they walked in for the audition.
00:43They're like, hey, what's up, I'm here for the audition.
00:44Pfft.
00:51What's up?
00:54I'm here for the audition or whatever, you know?
00:56But so that's what was happening.
00:57It was all these like hot ass dudes and they're singing.
01:00They're all going, baby, baby, baby, baby.
01:02And I'm like, good luck singing
01:03in the baseball movie, pussy.
01:06I'll be over here stretching.
01:09So I go in the audition room and I did the audition
01:13and it went really well.
01:14And they're like, what song did you prepare?
01:16And at that point in my career,
01:17all I knew about Hollywood is that no holds a lot of power.
01:20If you say no, you hold all the power.
01:22So like, what song did you prepare?
01:23And I'm like, I didn't prepare a song,
01:25take it or leave it.
01:27And they go, leave it, get the fuck out of here, go away.
01:31And I go, I prepared a song.
01:34It's one of the many pranks I'll be playing
01:36on the set of Pitch Perfect, the singing movie.
01:40And so they're like, yeah, so what song do you know?
01:42That's just on the radio,
01:43just so we know you could carry a tune.
01:44And I'm like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
01:46A radio hit.
01:48A current radio hit, sure.
01:50Yes.
01:52And then the only song I was able to summon was this one
01:55that was on the radio, which was ass, ass, ass, ass,
01:59ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass, ass,
02:02ass, ass, ass, bounce.
02:04Motherfucker hammer time.
02:08Remember that classic from eight years ago?
02:10They were like, definitely not that song.
02:14Definitely choose another song.
02:15And they're like, pick a song from your youth
02:18that you know a lot of the words to.
02:20And I'm like, oh, shit, what song do I pick?
02:22I don't know.
02:23And the only song that I was able to grab
02:25from the deep wrinkly parts of my back brain
02:27was this hit, which was,
02:29Whatever Happened to Predictability?
02:32The Middleman, the Fibble Boy, the Evening TV.
02:37Which is the Full House theme song.
02:40And that's evidently exactly what they were looking for
02:42in the character of Bumper.
02:45Bumper the Patata!
02:48May we help?

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