00:00You want me to say which serial killer I think you look like?
00:03I'm holding a salad.
00:05Extreme dental, it's like regular dental but on a snowboard.
00:10Welcome to Crowd Control!
00:12I have three of my favorite comedians here to turn your lives into stand-up comedy.
00:17An old woman put a curse on me.
00:19I ate 60 apples in two days.
00:22A bear broke into my bedroom and stole my weed.
00:25I'm not doing some good old-fashioned crowd work.
00:27I'm not here for your life story. I'm here for a set-up so I can be funny about it.
00:31Comics!
00:32Pick a shirt and make it content.
00:34We've run a puppet adoption agency.
00:36So you sell puppets?
00:38Do you do adult baby stuff?
00:40No.
00:41Okay.
00:42Why would you say that?
00:43Have you ever opened it?
00:45Open what?
00:46Girl.
00:47You are horny.
00:49Have you been bad?
00:50That's a dominatrix thing.
00:51Will you tell me that I'm like a good little piggy?
00:53If you ask nicely.
00:57It's time to go to the danger zone.
01:03See your red flag shirt?
01:05Make us laugh with it.
01:06Accidental arsonist.
01:08It's so brave of you to remain in LA.
01:12I am a member of the Bush family.
01:15I almost lost my virginity in an orchid.
01:17I accidentally circumcised myself.
01:19Okay, that's wrong.
01:20We have to keep moving.
01:21My dad faked his death and fled the country.
01:23Oh my god.
01:24It sounds like dad's bad.
01:26I'm actually under an NDA.
01:28So this is a dead end and I've ruined the show.
01:32I throw down the mic and I just start sobbing.
01:35I take offense.
01:36I haven't cried once today.
01:38My great grandparents were brother and sister.
01:40Stop, I'm already horny.
01:42I sell skull replicas out of a creepy baby carriage.
01:45I don't even have any more questions.
01:48Like you told us what we needed to know.
01:51You guys ready for the show?
