00:01Previously on Sorted Live
00:03What about gluttony, Vera?
00:04Sister Sina, fat ass!
00:06I believe that we could be friends.
00:08You're a lying, using, closeted, f***ing-hating...
00:11Sarah's moving into Walker's apartment.
00:14Maybe I should commit no later to that loony man.
00:17Remember he's gone over to St. Angelo to kill!
00:21I see you surprised to see me.
00:23What's that? Huh? I can't understand you.
00:26Hey, you listen up, and you listen good, you goddamn bitch.
00:29I come back here for an apology for you kicking me in the nuts.
00:33And if you tell anybody about our little remaining get-together,
00:36you're going straight to jail,
00:38because I have the surveillance tapes of you in the little medicine room.
00:42Huh? So here's the deal.
00:44The way you're going to apologize is you're going to love on me
00:48like there's no tomorrow. Understand?
00:51Oh, really? Well, I don't think you have any choice in the matter.
01:00Sissy! Help!
01:13Oh, my stars! Now you get out! Now!
01:19You don't think I can handle a couple of you measly women?
01:22a couple of you measly women?
01:24No, I don't think you can.
01:26Oh, .
01:28I'm gonna get him.
01:43Quit zigzagging.
01:44Oh, no way to stop.
01:46You're gonna kill him.
01:47Well, that's the plan.
01:50Quit zigzagging.
01:51I can't kill you if you're zigzagging.
01:53Good Lord in heaven above, what the hell is going on?
01:56That man broke in the house and tried to me.
01:59Oh, and then Cagney over there started taking pot shots at him.
02:05And I almost would have killed him, too,
02:06except he kept zigzagging.
02:07That's the secret to dodging bullets, girls.
02:09Always zigzag.
02:10Hard to hit your target if you're zigzagging.
02:12Oh, I'll remember that when anybody starts firing at me.
02:15Y'all, we better call the law.
02:16No.
02:17I don't want this in the papers.
02:20I don't want Wilson in his IHOP waitress.
02:22Tomika, I know her name.
02:25I don't want them to know about this.
02:27Latrelle, hon, we better call the law.
02:31No.
02:32My husband left me for a mulatto IHOP waitress, and I have a pill popping addiction, and I
02:40do not need to add the publicity of an attempted to my list of problems.
02:46Well, alrighty, then.
02:47We'll just get a good night's rest and head out in the morning.
02:53I need a toddy.
02:54I would have killed that son of a bitch if he hadn't kept me zigzagging.
02:56I know it.
02:57Oh, it's almost for quiet, horny Sunday mornings.
03:12Don't lose that thought.
03:13No, no, no, no, no.
03:14Good morning, neighbor.
03:15I brought bagels, lox cream cheese, and orange juice.
03:30I'm thinking we should just do this every Sunday.
03:32Start our own little tradition.
03:37Oh, shoot.
03:38I better call GW.
03:39Can I borrow your cell phone?
03:40It's right there in my purse.
03:43Oh, come on, Dora, dope addict.
03:45Keep up.
03:46I just don't know why you didn't want to turn that rapist in.
03:51Because he has something on me.
03:53He has something on you.
03:55Hey, GW, it's me.
03:57Yeah, we're on our way in.
03:59We should be there in about an hour.
04:00Hey, guess what?
04:02I almost shot a rapist who was terrorizing Latrell.
04:05He don't believe me.
04:07It's true, GW.
04:09She didn't get him, but she came close.
04:11He was zigzagging.
04:12The girl's got good aim, so you better watch it, buddy boy.
04:19Look it, sissy.
04:20Those pills we flushed, I stole them when we went to visit brother boy.
04:26And that n-grade is the security guard at the mental institution.
04:30And he has a surveillance tape on it.
04:32Lord, you're as bad off as when Karen went on dope on Knott's Landing.
04:37Almost ruined her life and her marriage.
04:39Well, thank you very much for bringing up my failed marriage.
04:42Oh, I'm sorry, hon.
04:46Oh, I know.
04:48Since it's Sunday, let's sing hymns.
04:52Trust and obey, for there's no other way.
04:57Sissy, that's not helping!
04:59Trust and obey, for there's no other way.
05:07To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.
05:18Scooch over, Suge.
05:21Oh, yes.
05:22To be happy in Jesus, we must trust and obey.
05:28Amen.
05:29Now, at this time, we have a very important announcement from Sister Vera Lissell.
05:35Sister?
05:36Thank you, Brother Barnes.
05:43Our city has a den of iniquity located right on the outskirts of our precious little town.
05:51And the heathens that patronized this establishment barged into our church, terrorized us, and called me a glutton.
06:04Well, I have been led by the Father and the Son and the Holy Ghost to start a petition to add a measure to the upcoming ballot and close Bubba's bar down once and for hours!
06:25Hallelujah!
06:26S***!
06:34So you moved into my building?
06:37Yeah.
06:38Just got so tired of all the pretension in my Westwood high-rise and just wanted to connect.
06:43You know?
06:44With real people.
06:45My dad has zillions of dollars.
06:47Must be nice.
06:48Oh, but it's not.
06:49I have no concept of what struggle is all about and it's crippling.
06:54Just crippling.
06:55Money has made me a lesser person, a lesser actress.
06:59I'm convinced that's why I can't keep a boyfriend or get an agent.
07:02I still wouldn't mind having a dad with zillions of dollars.
07:05Well, trust me, you would.
07:07It's crippling.
07:08Listen, Sarah.
07:09I think you should know that Jacob and I are-
07:11And a play together.
07:12Yes, I know.
07:13Ciccato.
07:14So, I got my ticket opening night.
07:16I'm sure that you guys were rehearsing here late last night and went long so Jacob stayed
07:21over on the couch over there so you could rehearse again today.
07:25More orange juice?
07:31Pull over!
07:32Oh, there's something I want to get in that store right there.
07:35Oh!
07:37Latrell's got a crap in her pants.
07:41What is she doing?
07:43Oh!
07:44Sweet baby Jesus.
07:53What if somebody sees us here?
07:58Well, that means they're here too and will probably be more concerned with us seeing them
08:04than them seeing us.
08:05Come on, Latrell.
08:06Well, now that your life and your marriage have fallen apart, there are certain things that
08:10a woman needs that you can buy inside that store that you don't even have to cook supper for.
08:14Ooooh.
08:15Oh!
08:16Oh, she definitely broke the bed.
08:17Oh, oh!
08:18Oh!
08:19Oh!
08:20Oh!
08:21Oh!
08:22Oh!
08:23Oh!
08:24Oh!
08:25She definitely broke the bed.
08:28You were just so passionate.
08:29You were so passionate.
08:31I mean, you were so fast and furious.
08:33Just had shivers throughout my entire bed.
08:36I have never in all my life.
08:39Half these things, I can't figure out what they're for.
08:41They're all for pleasure.
08:43Like that one there.
08:44What do you do with that?
08:45Tilt your head to the right.
08:48That's your two-finger juice junkie.
08:51Oh!
08:53Dear Lord in heaven,
08:54that is just not humanly possible.
08:56Nobody can do that.
08:58I bet Jane Fonda could.
09:01This is weird, guys.
09:04You're like 30 minutes late.
09:05I know.
09:06And that I'm not a lesbian bitch
09:08always yelling at us for being late.
09:10Guys, I'm sorry.
09:12I've been putting out fires.
09:15I didn't know you was a fireman too, Craig Steven.
09:17Now you know I love me a fireman.
09:19Vegas, not now.
09:21This is serious.
09:22Brent quit the show.
09:25Says he can't handle the nudity.
09:27Well, I wouldn't be able to either
09:28if I had that little bitty thing.
09:30Vegas!
09:31He thinks doing a gay play will ruin his career.
09:33What career?
09:35Boys, please!
09:37This is no laughing matter.
09:39I now have to replace a cast member
09:41and we open next week.
09:43Sucks.
09:44Yes, it does.
09:45Not in a good way.
09:46Unfortunately, now I have to send you home
09:49so I can audition actors.
09:51So let's regroup here at 7.
09:53Please make yourselves available.
09:56Well, I'll tell you one thing.
09:57I'm not afraid of them damn Baptists.
10:00If they close us down,
10:02I'll never have another good day.
10:04I had 10 good days,
10:062 bad ones,
10:073 good ones,
10:08and then this really bad day.
10:11Well, Nita, I'm really curious.
10:13I mean, I can understand today
10:14being a really bad day,
10:16but after those 10 good ones,
10:19what caused you to have the 2 bad ones?
10:21Yeah, you pretty much do the same thing every day.
10:23You come here, you get drunk,
10:24you go home.
10:26Brain enzymes, Bitsy Mae.
10:28Brain enzymes, Odell.
10:30Brain enzymes,
10:30it's what causes really bad days.
10:32Well, that's all I need to know.
10:35I think I might have to get on them depression pills.
10:40How may I help you?
10:42I just came by to warn you about something.
10:46And that would be?
10:47The church folks are staging a big protest
10:51outside your bar tonight
10:52to try and get people not to come in here
10:54but you may perform.
10:57Well, I'll be seeing you.
11:00Glendora, wait.
11:02You came all the way down here
11:05to warn us about the protest?
11:07Well, it's the least I can do
11:08to just try and make up.
11:10Well, you come to my show tonight.
11:13It's another way to make up
11:14for stealing 18 months of my life.
11:18With a protest and all,
11:20it might be a pretty sparse crowd.
11:21I don't know what I'll do if they close you down.
11:27It's like my home away from home.
11:28I know, sweetie.
11:29Come on, have a seat here.
11:29Bitsy Mae's written a song.
11:30I think it's going to make you feel a lot better.
11:32I know someday Jesus will save me.
11:46I know someday Jesus will save me.
12:00I know someday he will lead me to the light.
12:06But my faith feels kind of faint.
12:10Lord knows I'm not a saint.
12:14So Jack Daniels is going to save my soul tonight.
12:18I know someday his love and arms will hold me.
12:26And all my worries, just like angels,
12:30will take flight.
12:32But I hate at the pearly gates.
12:36And right now heaven can't wait.
12:40So Jack Daniels is going to save my soul tonight.
12:44Save my soul, save my soul, save my soul.
12:52Yeah, Jack Daniels is so wrong, but it's all right.
12:58Save my soul, save my soul.
13:03Yeah, Jack Daniels is going to save my soul tonight.
13:09My Jack Daniels is going to save my soul tonight.
13:29Save my soul, yeah.
13:39Oh, thank you, thank you.
13:44I wrote that song for my friend Juanita over there.
13:47And I'm going to take 15.
13:48I'll be back.
13:51Oh, that was really good.
13:55I hadn't been out much since I got sober.
13:58Oh, I forgot.
14:00Must be hard for you.
14:01Not tonight.
14:02I was too distracted by you.
14:03I mean, you know, you're singing.
14:07And I like the way you look.
14:12Can I buy you Coca-Cola?
14:15Huh?
14:17Wardell, one Coca-Cola and a regular?
14:21Coming right up, Bitsy.
14:22I don't know what that song has to do with me.
14:26I drink beer.
14:30You're everything I ever wanted in her.
14:31I wish I felt the same way.
14:35I don't love you anymore.
14:37There's someone else.
14:38What?
14:39You crazy bitch.
14:40How could you not love that perfect man?
14:48Sheer Plum?
14:50This is not mine.
14:57Not a good time, Sarah.
14:59Never a good time.
15:01Oh.
15:02Thought I was going to be late.
15:03What's going on?
15:05We were just running lines,
15:06waiting for Craig Steven to finish an audition
15:08to replace Brent.
15:09Hey, Williamson.
15:11Craig Steven wants to audition you with the new guy
15:12to see if there's any chemistry.
15:14What?
15:16Now!
15:19Will you ever call me a lesbian again?
15:24I'll kick your bony little ass.
15:25And then will that be, Tink?
15:27Right after you ride up on your Harley
15:29with your straight, wonderful boyfriend.
15:31Listen to me, boys.
15:32Hey, hey.
15:33No conflict.
15:34I've had a hard enough day as it is.
15:36I'm sorry.
15:37Ty, this guy is terrific.
15:38Cute, too.
15:40I want you to read the Brandon Scott scene.
15:44Well, well, well.
15:45Ty Williamson.
15:46We meet again.
15:48Hey.
15:50Uh.
15:51Max.
15:52Right.
15:53Max.
15:54Wow.
15:56I'm playing a character who gets used,
15:58then kicked to the curb by your character.
16:00Guest life does imitate art.
16:02Who the hell does this sheer plum lipstick belong to?
16:10What lipstick?
16:11I don't see no lipstick.
16:13The one that I'm holding in front of your face.
16:16You ain't holding nothing in front of my face.
16:19Our God, woman, have you lost what's left of your ever-loving mind?
16:22Sheesh.
16:23You have gone crazy, Nolita.
16:28Flat out crazy.
16:36He's a pretty good actor.
16:38Yeah.
16:39But there's something about his energy that's, I don't know, dark.
16:43The way he kept staring at you all during rehearsal.
16:45Okay, look.
16:48We have a little past.
16:50I hooked up with him once at the gym.
16:52I wasn't out.
16:54I never called him, and he's still pissed about it.
16:57Well, that explains a lot.
16:59Don't worry about Max.
17:01I'm with you now.
17:04That's exactly how I want it to be.
17:06Oh, my mother.
17:17I'll meet you inside.
17:20Hey, Mama.
17:22Hey, baby.
17:23How are you?
17:25Everything's pretty good.
17:26How are you?
17:28Everything's fine.
17:32What's wrong, Mama?
17:34Nothing.
17:36I just had a hard day, so...
17:40We had a burglar last night at the house.
17:44Oh, my God.
17:44Are you okay?
17:46Oh, yes.
17:47Yes.
17:48Nolita Nethercott chased him off with a gun.
17:51She would have shot him, too, only he zigzagged.
17:55Anyway, um...
17:57With your dad gone...
18:00now on that mission trip,
18:02I've decided to stay for a while with your Aunt Sissy.
18:06I think that's a good idea.
18:09You'll feel safe there.
18:12I love you, Ty.
18:15I love you, too, Mama.
18:16Are you sure you're okay?
18:19Yeah, I'm fine.
18:21I better go now.
18:24I love you.
18:26Call me tomorrow.
18:27Bye now.
18:28LaVonda!
18:47LaVonda!
18:49LaVonda, I need to talk to you!
18:51Well, come set us, Bill.
18:57LaTrell is my house guest, remember?
19:00Oh, right.
19:02Do you think I'm crazy?
19:04Well, yes.
19:05But crazy is a good thing.
19:07What's wrong?
19:09I thought I found a tube of lipstick on the couch.
19:12Then I showed it to GW because I thought it was some other woman's.
19:16And he couldn't see it.
19:18Said it didn't exist.
19:20And then he stormed off.
19:21And now I don't know whether the lipstick was for real or not.
19:25I mean, I was fantasizing about Hunter when I found it.
19:28So maybe it was part of my fantasy?
19:31I bet that's it, sweetie.
19:33I wouldn't worry about it.
19:35I even remember the name of the lipstick.
19:37Sheer Plum.
19:41Oh, why don't you go on back in there and finish fantasizing about Hunter
19:47and just forget all about this?
19:49Okay, I will.
19:59Oh, Mama.
20:05Sarah, what are you doing here?
20:08What the hell is going on, Ty?
20:10I sleep for hours cooking you dinner.
20:13But we didn't have plans.
20:15Well, you're out with him?
20:17Well, I'm not stupid, Ty.
20:18You are not rehearsing with him all the time.
20:22Something is going on, and I want to know the goddamn truth.
20:30What's this?
20:35What's this?
21:05Oh, Fitzy, you were so funny.
21:08That's all.
21:08Mm-hmm.
21:10Oof.
21:38Next on Sorted Lives.
21:50I saw Bitsy May in bed with Glendora Roberts.
21:54Come on, baby.
21:56And we've been having lots of sex.
21:58I've been feeling pretty straight.
22:02I'm going with LaVonda to California.
22:04Over my dead body.
22:08Oh!
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