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Short filmTranscript
00:00i thought you were bluffing last night but you actually went through with it
00:10i'm married
00:14when the hell are you getting married do you want me to crawl out of my coffin to see it myself
00:22you know i'm allergic to women so so what do you want me to do i don't care you're getting married
00:26this year or else you're banned from christmas okay all right you want me to get married fine
00:31i'm luca luca blanchell who wants to be my wife
00:47oh snap i mean i know where the bathroom is i really
00:54last call who wants to be my wife raise your hand
01:00i i'm i really i really need you
01:07you okay
01:15who the hell are you
01:18let's get married
01:20what
01:21where is my daughter-in-law i am dying to meet her
01:26what what what is who am i married to no i don't want to get married you need a divorce
01:30betty we are planning a wedding i want it big fancy and tomorrow
01:35no no no i i don't mom i don't want a wedding i need a divorce
01:40everyone my son is getting married why are you ignoring me oh my god
01:44alex book me a flight to italy i'm not gonna be married to some stranger
01:50be here in 10
01:51jesus christ
01:53you don't even know who your husband is
01:59i was drunk it was a mistake
02:01i don't even remember his face
02:03please please i have to find him and get a divorce
02:05that's a pity
02:07he was tall
02:09handsome
02:10really
02:10oh hello there handsome
02:14that's her idea of handsome
02:24how am i supposed to divorce him if i can't find it
02:31that girl
02:39that girl
02:41that girl
02:43that girl
02:45that girl
02:49welcome back mr blackshaw
03:02sir hi excuse me sir i've been dreaming of working for ava my entire life and i was wondering if you could please say this new ceo
03:02i'm sorry uh the ceo is allergic to women so we don't hire female designers
03:19so we don't hire female designers
03:21allergic to women
03:23dumbest excuse i've ever heard
03:32look it's mr blanchelle
03:34that's mr blanchelle
03:36that's him business legend
03:38he just fought back from italy
03:39why does he look so familiar
03:41sir your office is on the 33rd floor is ready
03:4333rd floor
03:4433rd floor
03:46watch out sir sir
03:48allergic to women right
04:01sir
04:02thank you sir
04:04just
04:07be careful when it's done okay
04:11my allergy
04:12bring the meds to my office right now okay
04:19out of the plan
04:20excuse me
04:21yeah
04:29where have i seen that woman before
04:31let's get married
04:34luca
04:39luca
04:40thank god you're back
04:41i found out who your wife is
04:43when are you meeting her
04:45amazing okay i can finally get this divorce and move on
04:48absolutely not
04:49i won't allow you to divorce her
04:51i'm not gonna be married to some stranger all right i told you this
04:54oh she's not a random
04:56yes she is
04:57she's a random person
04:58and it doesn't even matter okay
05:00i'm not gonna be around any woman
05:02i'm done with this conversation okay
05:03goodbye
05:08yo
05:09oh my god
05:10how did you get in here
05:11mr blanchelle
05:12hi
05:13this is my jewelry design portfolio
05:14if you just take a look at it i promise you won't be disappointed
05:18oh
05:19whoa
05:20look
05:21i'm warning you i'm allergic to women
05:23okay
05:24mr blanchelle look
05:25i get it
05:26you big shots have to create these dramatic personas but allergic to women i mean
05:30come on
05:31stop
05:32don't come any closer i'm warning you
05:35i'm not gonna hurt you
05:36no
05:37i just need you to take a look at this
05:38stop stop
05:39incredible
05:40don't
05:41don't
05:42go
05:56Oh, my God.
05:59You touched...
06:00You're completely touching me.
06:01You're all over me.
06:02I can't sleep.
06:02You're like, oh, my God.
06:05Why do people keep doing this today?
06:07Where's my ointment?
06:09Where's my ointment?
06:10Why did you do this?
06:12Why did you do this?
06:17No reaction?
06:19Mr. Blanchell, drop the act, okay?
06:22The allergy thing is ridiculous.
06:24Level with me.
06:25Question.
06:27Does my face look any different than it did right over there?
06:30You're very handsome, Mr. Blanchell.
06:31Now, please, just take a moment of your time.
06:35Oh, my God.
06:37I won several awards back in college.
06:40Oh, my God.
06:41This is incredible.
06:43Really? Thank you.
06:44I knew you would have good taste.
06:46Perfect.
06:47Oh, my God.
06:49This is perfect.
06:52Am I hired?
06:54Is that it?
06:55Can I just check, like, one last little thing?
07:01Of course, Mr. Blanchell, anything.
07:02Okay.
07:11Dude, what the hell was that?
07:13I asked you if I could do that.
07:15You said nothing about kissing me.
07:16No, I was very clear on it.
07:18Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
07:20You're hired.
07:20No, I'd rather be jobless than work for somebody like you.
07:23Wait, no.
07:23No, this is incredible.
07:25You don't understand.
07:25I actually found a woman I'm not allergic to.
07:31Woo!
07:32What was her name?
07:35What was her freaking name?
07:38Isla.
07:41Was it my wife's name, Isla?
07:45Was it my wife's name, Isla?
07:51Isla?
07:53Elizabeth?
07:53What the hell was her name?
08:05Hello?
08:05I'm sorry to tell you, we'll have to discharge your mother unless the rest of her bill is paid.
08:11No, doctor.
08:12Doctor, please don't do that.
08:13I'm going to come up with the money.
08:18You were hired!
08:21I shouldn't have freaked out like that.
08:24I lost the job.
08:31Hey, it's me.
08:33Uh-huh.
08:33Yeah.
08:34Uh-huh.
08:34Yeah, your landlord, remember me?
08:36Uh-huh.
08:37I need last quarter's rent.
08:39Uh-huh.
08:40I need the money now.
08:43Yeah, sure thing.
08:45I'll send it right over.
08:47Ah!
08:48Woo!
08:50Luca, I sent you your wife's address.
08:52Are you there yet?
08:53Okay, Mom, you know I'm allergic to women.
08:55This marriage is a total mistake.
08:57Is that how I raised you?
08:58Family comes first.
09:00Now treat your wife right.
09:01Fine.
09:13Thank you, babe.
09:16Mm-hmm.
09:16That was amazing.
09:18So much better than my wife.
09:20That is for you.
09:23And I will see you next week.
09:26See you then.
09:32You're my wife.
09:33This is a new kind of roleplay.
09:40Darling, what kind of service can I offer you today?
09:44No, don't touch me.
09:46Oh.
09:47What the hell is wrong with my wife?
09:50Weirdo.
09:54I think you're just a damn escort.
09:58After this payment, I won't even have enough cash for groceries.
10:00I need a job.
10:08Fast.
10:10Isla!
10:12My daughter-in-law!
10:14I have finally found you!
10:16Daughter-in-law?
10:19You married my son a year ago.
10:21I have been searching for you ever since.
10:24A year ago?
10:26Seriously?
10:28You okay?
10:29Who are you?
10:31Let's get married.
10:34Ma'am, I don't think you understand.
10:36This marriage was a mistake.
10:38We're getting a divorce.
10:40A divorce?
10:41What?
10:42No, that is not happening.
10:45Did something go wrong the last time you two saw each other?
10:49Last time we saw each other?
10:51Oh, that's him!
10:53Where are you?
10:55Well, get to St. Mary's right now.
10:57Your wife is here.
10:59I'm not meeting that bitch, Mom.
11:02What did he say?
11:03How dare you talk about your wife like that?
11:06I am sitting right here with her.
11:07Get over here right now and apologize.
11:09Not a chance.
11:10I'm never going to say sorry to her.
11:11That is not the...
11:12You listen here, you misogynistic, sexist pig.
11:16No woman in her right mind would want to stay your wife.
11:18Perfect.
11:19Let's meet tomorrow and get this divorce over with.
11:21Perfect!
11:21That's exactly what I was going to say.
11:23Wait, Isla.
11:26There's got to be some sort of misunderstanding.
11:28No, ma'am.
11:29You need to understand.
11:31That man is not staying my husband.
11:36No!
11:37Isla is too perfect.
11:39No way I'm letting them get divorced.
11:40You idiot!
11:48What the hell were you saying on the phone?
11:50That is your wife!
11:51Okay, Mom, you know I'm allergic to women.
11:53And she's an escort, okay?
11:55I'm going to divorce her.
11:56So what?
11:57If you never find a woman you're not allergic to,
11:59you're just going to stay single forever?
12:01A woman who won't make me allergic...
12:10I already found her.
12:23Doctor.
12:25Hey.
12:26Hi.
12:28Look, I promise I'll get you this next bill as soon as I get my paycheck.
12:31I'm working part-time, so it's just taking a little longer.
12:35Oh, Isla.
12:36Why bother struggling?
12:37One night with me, and you will never have to worry about bills again.
12:45Billy.
12:46That's okay.
12:47Let's go.
12:48Get off!
12:51Scraise!
12:52You stay the halfway for me.
12:54You dare hit me!
12:57You just made a big mistake.
12:59Billy, what are you doing?
13:01Billy, put that down.
13:02You don't scare me.
13:03You should be scared.
13:05Help.
13:06Help.
13:07No one will come to your rescue.
13:09Help.
13:09Help!
13:10Somebody help!
13:23Threaten her again and I'll fucking kill you!
13:28You okay?
13:29I'm okay.
13:31You're fired.
13:32Fires?
13:33Who the hell do you think you are?
13:34I'm Luca Blancho.
13:36Mr. Blancho?
13:37Wait.
13:39The hospital's biggest shareholder?
13:41I just texted the board.
13:42Get out!
13:43Mr. Blancho, I need this job.
13:45Please, I'll do anything.
13:46I said get out.
13:51You all right?
13:58Yeah.
13:58Mr. Blancho, what are you doing here?
14:02I actually came to ask you for a favor.
14:07Right.
14:09Let me guess.
14:10You saved me, so now you want me to sleep with you.
14:15No, absolutely not.
14:19I'd actually like you to be my wife.
14:21So let me get this straight.
14:37You want me to pretend to be your wife so you can get divorced.
14:42Exactly.
14:44Okay.
14:44You need to understand, you are the only woman I am not allergic to.
14:49That makes you uniquely qualified.
14:53And to keep things discreet, I'll hire you as my personal assistant.
14:56Okay?
14:57I think you'd be better off finding somebody else.
15:01Okay?
15:04I'm guessing you still have a lot of medical bills to pay for, huh?
15:09If you do this, I'll pay you.
15:14Handsomely.
15:20How handsome we talking?
15:24Name your price.
15:27That could save Mom.
15:32He doesn't look like a bad guy.
15:35He could help me pay for the medical bills.
15:39In that case, Mr. Blanchel, I would be honored to be your assistant.
15:46Okay.
15:47I just need you to act like my wife in front of my mom.
15:50How exactly does somebody act like your wife?
15:57I guess we'll find out.
15:59Won't we?
16:13Don't forget, tomorrow, you and your wife are meeting.
16:16Be on time, be perfect, and don't you dare let her divorce you.
16:21Okay.
16:21I've got it.
16:25I cannot wait for this divorce to be over.
16:28Mr. Blanchel, why are you so intent on divorcing your wife?
16:31Because she's a nightmare.
16:32Trust me.
16:34Can't be worse than my husband.
16:38You're married?
16:40Yep.
16:42What's he like?
16:43Okay.
16:46He's an arrogant, egotistical jerk.
16:51And I've decided to divorce him, too.
16:54Well, then, cheers to successful divorces.
17:03So, first day on the job.
17:05How's it going?
17:06Well, I haven't quit yet, so pretty good.
17:08Your wife will be there at the Westland Hotel, 8 p.m.
17:14Don't be late.
17:18First order of business.
17:19I need you to come with me tonight to get divorced.
17:23Okay.
17:23Sounds like a plan.
17:27Dear Isla, meet my son at the Westland Hotel, 8 p.m. sharp.
17:31Uh, Mr. Blanchel, I'm sorry.
17:34I can't come tonight.
17:35I've got an appointment of my own.
17:37Also, divorce related?
17:40Also divorce related.
17:42Well, here's to, uh, starting over.
17:45It's up, it ends better than it started.
17:46Mm-hmm.
17:47Time to face the disgusting man.
18:06Ma'am, the presidential suite fee is just this way.
18:09Everything's been prepared as requested.
18:17What the hell?
18:29He actually planned a divorce meeting here.
18:32He's trying to humiliate me on purpose.
18:36Room service!
18:39I'm sorry, I didn't order this.
18:41We get this order for Sweet Bee.
18:43Well, there must be-
18:47One second, Dad.
18:50I needed this.
18:59Here's two successful divorces and getting away from this jerk soon.
19:09That's weird.
19:10This drink feels stronger than usual.
19:13Starting to feel dizzy.
19:14Thirty minutes late.
19:18Typical.
19:20It's ridiculous.
19:21Ma'am?
19:22It's already a little tipsy.
19:24Perfect.
19:25The stage is set.
19:26Let the magic begin.
19:31Uh, Mr. Blanchett.
19:32Who?
19:33Your wife is waiting for you and a presidential suite fee.
19:35Presidential suite fee?
19:37For a divorce?
19:37When that bastard gets here, I'm going to give him a piece of my mind.
19:50God.
19:52I've had too much.
19:54You can do this, Luca.
19:56End this ridiculousness already.
20:01Who is it?
20:02Your husband.
20:05Finally.
20:06God.
20:07Oh, Jesus Christ.
20:17It's you?
20:21Mr. Blanchett, what are you doing here?
20:23I'm waiting for my husband.
20:25I'm here to divorce my wife.
20:28Wait, does that mean that you're-
20:30My wife's supposed to be some sleazy gold digger.
20:36Can't be her.
20:37Okay, I'm sorry.
20:39I think there's some sort of mix-up.
20:40They told me to come to suite B.
20:42I don't know.
20:43Maybe they meant D.
20:45Um, I'm sorry.
20:46I've had a lot to drink, so I'm going to go.
20:48All right.
20:49Why leave?
21:02What are you doing?
21:07I think I need you.
21:09Wait, wait, wait, wait.
21:11Wait, wait.
21:11Uh, are you, like, mistaking me for someone else?
21:14No, Luca.
21:16I know it's you.
21:17I want it to be you.
21:17Yeah, wait.
21:20You're sure you want this?
21:21Yes.
21:22More than any-
21:23Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
21:31Your husband can walk in any second.
21:33We can't do-
21:34Screw my husband.
21:36Pick it up, see what you'll find out.
21:42Luca?
21:45Yes, I knew you wouldn't let me down.
21:48Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mom, what the hell?
21:50Congratulations.
21:51You and your wife are me through the night together.
21:54Oh, and let me see.
21:57No sign of a rash.
21:59I knew it.
22:01You two are meant for each other.
22:02Wait, wait, wait, wait.
22:03You're telling me the woman I was with last night,
22:05like, that was my wife?
22:06Oh, the real thing, Elizabeth!
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