- 7 weeks ago
Screwball Pre-Code comedy starring Charlotte Greenwood, in which mistaken identities lead to wife-swapping.
Category
π₯
Short filmTranscript
00:00:00The End
00:00:30Young man
00:00:52I beg your pardon
00:00:54Young man
00:00:55Are you speaking to me by any chance?
00:00:59Yeah, I was speaking to you without the slightest chance
00:01:01I think you pardon
00:01:02Keep the change
00:01:04And mine too
00:01:05No, I'm not in the habit there
00:01:06I don't know anything about your habits
00:01:08What I want to know is
00:01:09Did you get my telegram reserving room?
00:01:11Well, what might your name be?
00:01:14Well, the name might be McGinney
00:01:15But it's not
00:01:16My name is Claude Davis
00:01:18Oh, Mr. Davis
00:01:19Yes, indeed
00:01:20How do you do, Mr. Davis?
00:01:21My granddaughter Sally
00:01:23My granddaughter Ruth
00:01:24This is indeed a great pleasure
00:01:26Now, you'll take fair trouble, Mr. Davis
00:01:28All right, all right
00:01:29My young man
00:01:32What I want is rooms with plenty of sunshine
00:01:34I want plenty of fresh air
00:01:36And above all, I want fire
00:01:38Do you understand?
00:01:39I want fire!
00:01:40Yes, sir
00:01:40You'll be perfectly satisfied, Mr. Davis
00:01:42I'm sure
00:01:42All right
00:01:43If I'm not
00:01:43You'll hear from me
00:01:44Oh
00:01:45Sweet sea
00:01:47Sweet sea for Mr. Davis
00:01:51Right this way
00:01:53Come on, come on
00:01:54You happen to know
00:02:00Why my nephew Tom Robbins lives?
00:02:02Oh, yes, sir
00:02:03He lives in one of those small cottages
00:02:04About a half mile down the beach
00:02:06Yeah
00:02:06All right
00:02:07All right
00:02:08Are you going to be here long?
00:02:10About a week
00:02:10Maybe longer
00:02:12Oh, that's fine
00:02:13Yeah, what's going on here?
00:02:16Grandpa
00:02:16We knew those two boys at school
00:02:19Yeah
00:02:19Well, school's over now
00:02:21Come on upstairs
00:02:22Come on upstairs
00:02:22Good morning, cheerio
00:02:31And how do you two?
00:02:32Are there any new arrivals
00:02:33With old faces to remodel the day?
00:02:35Sure
00:02:35The Davis family just registered
00:02:37That's splendid
00:02:38A couple of new faces for Letty
00:02:39When it's facial time
00:02:40It's facial time
00:02:42Where do they hibernate?
00:02:43Sweet sea
00:02:43Fine
00:02:44The queen of the beauty potter
00:02:45Flies on the wings of time
00:02:47My motto boy
00:02:48Has never panned the pan that feeds you
00:02:50Yeah, go easy
00:02:52The old gents are tough customers
00:02:53A man is as tough as his wife lets him be
00:02:56Boy, you ought to know that sound
00:02:58You've taken the count many times
00:02:59Wow
00:02:59Take just a minute here
00:03:01All right
00:03:02Here, here, here
00:03:18You go back there
00:03:19Go back there
00:03:20Somebody better do something
00:03:22Before Uncle starts thinking
00:03:23I need him a pain again
00:03:24What is it I can't come to a hotel
00:03:26Without being annoyed
00:03:27Good morning, good morning
00:03:29Oh, I'm so sorry
00:03:30I'm sorry
00:03:31But, Papa, you keep your nose away from keyholes
00:03:33The eyes have it
00:03:34But no nose
00:03:34No nose
00:03:35Okay, you might have broken my nose
00:03:37That's right
00:03:37I might have
00:03:38Who knows
00:03:38There's a Nippley for you, isn't it?
00:03:40Say, who are you?
00:03:42Who am I?
00:03:42I'm the girl Paul Revere rode to keep the date with
00:03:45You remember me, of course you do
00:03:46Uh-huh
00:03:47I suppose these are the young David Fett
00:03:49Right the first time
00:03:51A house detective
00:03:52Thanks for the visit
00:03:54I am a greater and a bigger bargain than that
00:03:56Somebody much more important
00:03:57Somebody that stands between you and old Aves
00:04:00Somebody
00:04:01I can guess
00:04:02Wait a minute
00:04:03Old gold
00:04:05Better than gold
00:04:06I am selling insurance
00:04:08Against the ravages of fatigue and time
00:04:10Against the loss of that schoolgirl complex
00:04:12Infection
00:04:13I furnish every woman with the weapons
00:04:15To defeat her greatest enemies
00:04:16I wish
00:04:17I wish you to retire at Barca
00:04:19I never accept last minute invitations
00:04:22I insist
00:04:22I'm the bringer of good news
00:04:24A bootlegger
00:04:25Better than that
00:04:26I am beauty's handmaiden
00:04:28I am the representative of the hotel beauty parlor
00:04:31I know I don't look it
00:04:32But that's my story
00:04:33And I'm going to stick to it
00:04:35A facelifter
00:04:36The Ardmore Hotel boat
00:04:38Of the most modern and completely equipped beauty shop
00:04:42Southwest of the Rockies
00:04:42Every device known to science
00:04:44For the preservation
00:04:45I will tell up over in the manager
00:04:46Here, here
00:04:47Come here
00:04:47You save your upper and lower diaphragm
00:04:49You may need your wind and a storm
00:04:51And here
00:04:52This is for you
00:04:52What?
00:04:52No galoshes?
00:04:53How did the tune go?
00:04:55Can you sing it?
00:04:56Can I sing it?
00:04:58Can I sing it, Papa?
00:04:59Oh, can I sing it, Papa?
00:05:02Come on, girls
00:05:05Draw up a chair
00:05:06Letty's going to play you across the board
00:05:07When I was a kid so high
00:05:17The girls all teased me
00:05:18How they displeased me
00:05:20And got me sore
00:05:22They poked such fun at me
00:05:25And called me lanky
00:05:26I got so cranky
00:05:29Revenge I swore
00:05:31To get even with all woman kind
00:05:34I vowed I'd never stop
00:05:35I studied hard
00:05:37And got a job
00:05:40Working in a beauty shop
00:05:43Now you ought to see them
00:05:46When let me get through with them
00:05:49Oh, what I do with them
00:05:51It's nobody's business
00:05:54There are times I flatten them
00:05:57When they ask for flesh
00:06:00Then at times I flatten them
00:06:03Anytime they get too fresh
00:06:05I dry hair
00:06:07I dye hair
00:06:08I dry hair
00:06:09That's new to them
00:06:10I stick it like glue to them
00:06:13It fits them like a mop
00:06:16They may not come around again
00:06:18When once I've done my stuff
00:06:21But at the prices that I charge them
00:06:24Once is quite enough
00:06:26Their husbands don't know them
00:06:29When let me get through with them
00:06:31They won't forget my beauty shop
00:06:35Now you ought to see them
00:06:39When let me get through with them
00:06:42Oh, what I do with them
00:06:44It's nobody's business
00:06:47As I keep reducing them
00:06:50I increase my feed
00:06:52Lay it on and loosen them
00:06:55From a lot of currency
00:06:57When low brows want high brows
00:07:00Their eyebrows
00:07:01I jerk them out
00:07:03I pull them and roll them out
00:07:05Until they holler stop
00:07:07A woman came into my shop
00:07:10She had a heavy beard
00:07:12When we removed the beard
00:07:14We found her face
00:07:16Had disappeared
00:07:17Her husband won't know her
00:07:20When let me get through with her
00:07:23She won't forget my beauty shop
00:07:26Hey, woman, you're hot
00:07:31I'm so hot my husband
00:07:32Can't get fire insurance
00:07:33I always wanted to go on the stage
00:07:35But somehow I never could make it
00:07:37Hi-ho, that's the way it is in this world
00:07:38Here today and in hot tomorrow
00:07:40Woman, will you leave?
00:07:41Papa, will you stop teasing?
00:07:42You see, our beauty shop
00:07:43Makes a specialty of the...
00:07:44Do you own your own shop?
00:07:45No, I just work there on commission
00:07:47You see, every time I bring in
00:07:48Two new faces
00:07:49I get a facial freeze
00:07:50My husband doesn't make
00:07:51A very big sound
00:07:51Well, we're not interested
00:07:52In your private affair
00:07:54Hooray for cough drop
00:07:55You see, some people collect coupons
00:07:56Other stamps
00:07:57And some collect children
00:07:58But me, I am a facial fiend
00:08:00I'm just crazy about
00:08:01Having my fan pampered with
00:08:02Doesn't your face crack
00:08:03Under the strain?
00:08:04What of it?
00:08:04I can't help it
00:08:05I've got to have it
00:08:06It's just got me
00:08:07I've got to have enough facials
00:08:08All summer to last me all winter
00:08:09When the hotel is closed
00:08:10Poor thing
00:08:11Can't you break yourself with a habit?
00:08:13We're big-hearted
00:08:13We'll invest a couple of faces
00:08:15You will not
00:08:16You'll have nothing to do
00:08:16With that maniac
00:08:17Say, listen here, Papa
00:08:18A guy with a face like yours
00:08:20Becomes a national calamity
00:08:22You know, a couple of treatments
00:08:25Wouldn't do you any harm
00:08:26Woman, will you leave?
00:08:28Look here
00:08:29You see there?
00:08:30Look, it's coming out in handfuls
00:08:31Do you see it?
00:08:32Oh, woman
00:08:33If you
00:08:34If you don't do something about it soon
00:08:36The flies will be using your head
00:08:37For a skating rink
00:08:38Oh, will you please?
00:08:39Get out
00:08:40Our special Egyptian steam treatment
00:08:42Will absolutely do you good
00:08:43Relax the nerves
00:08:44Stimulate the liver
00:08:45Grow hair
00:08:46Let me see your bald spot
00:08:48It fascinates me
00:08:48Oh, Sally, Ruth
00:08:49The woman is crazy
00:08:50I've got to see your bald spot
00:08:51It fascinates me
00:08:52Just one look at it
00:08:53Uh-huh, just as I thought
00:08:54You need a toupee
00:08:56I'll never have a toupee
00:08:57You need a toupee
00:08:58Girl, I'll make an appointment
00:09:00With you tomorrow morning
00:09:02We'll be there
00:09:03In person
00:09:04Not a moving fix
00:09:05And Papa
00:09:06Don't forget
00:09:06I'll get you yet
00:09:08Oh, and I told that clerk
00:09:15I wanted quiet rooms
00:09:16Hello
00:09:20Get me the manager
00:09:22Get me the clerk
00:09:23Hello
00:09:27Look here
00:09:28What do you mean
00:09:29By allowing that
00:09:30Beauty parlor maniac
00:09:32To come up here
00:09:32And chase me
00:09:33All over my rooms
00:09:34Why, this isn't a hotel
00:09:36This is a madhouse
00:09:38Now, just a moment, Mr. Davis
00:09:40I'll send a young man up
00:09:41To adjust any complaints
00:09:43You may have
00:09:43I don't want to see
00:09:44Any young man
00:09:45I tell you
00:09:46I am checking out
00:09:47How could a woman be so neglectful?
00:10:15Dear Tom, girls and I just back from Europe
00:10:38Coming to the beach
00:10:40See you and bride in a few days
00:10:43Uncle Claude
00:10:45Hello
00:10:57465
00:10:59Yes
00:11:00Hello
00:11:03Hello, hotel
00:11:06I want to speak to Mrs. Tom Robbins
00:11:08Try the beauty shop
00:11:12I want to speak to Mrs. Tom Robbins
00:11:19Just a moment, please
00:11:21Oh, Mrs. Robbins
00:11:35Yeah
00:11:35A telephone for you
00:11:36I'll bring it in
00:11:38Hello
00:11:44Hello
00:11:44This is Mrs. Robbins
00:11:46Oh, yeah
00:11:47Well, this is Mr. Robbins
00:11:49Yeah
00:11:50Yeah
00:11:50Say, what's the idea
00:11:52Of leaving this place
00:11:52Looking like a pig pen
00:11:53You not only do that
00:11:55But you throw my telegrams
00:11:56All around the floor
00:11:57In the hope that I'll starve to death
00:11:59While I'm looking for them
00:12:00That telegram was from Uncle Claude
00:12:03And he's coming here
00:12:04He may even be in the hotel now
00:12:06And you know I wanted you to make a good impression on him
00:12:09If he doesn't think that I've married
00:12:11A real domestic little homemaker
00:12:12Well, he'll never give us a cent
00:12:15Oh, Tom, I'm awfully sorry
00:12:17I didn't know that telegram was from Uncle Claude
00:12:19Oh, dear
00:12:20Don't you worry, darling
00:12:21I'll make an impression on you, all right
00:12:23I can't fail to make an impression on him
00:12:25Girls
00:12:26Get me out of here, will you?
00:12:28I've got to get over it right away to my Uncle Claude
00:12:30Can you imagine my embarrassment?
00:12:32Yes
00:12:33Let's go.
00:13:03Hello, come on in, Tommy.
00:13:14I was just getting a nose pull of your dinner, as long as I can't get a mouth full of my own.
00:13:20Oh, you poor boy, haven't you eaten yet?
00:13:23All we have at our house is a lot of bologna.
00:13:26That's a shame.
00:13:28You know, Letty's starving me to death.
00:13:31Oh, well, you stay here and have dinner with Harry and me.
00:13:35That is, if he ever shows up.
00:13:37Great.
00:13:44Funny, isn't it?
00:13:45You're always waiting for your husband to come home.
00:13:48And I'm always waiting for my wife.
00:13:55Sometimes they're both going to show up on time, and then we can start a quartet.
00:13:58Well, I don't see anything so funny and always waiting.
00:14:01Some wise guy once said that people marry their opposites.
00:14:11I guess that's right.
00:14:15I wonder what Uncle Claude will think of Letty.
00:14:18Oh, that's right.
00:14:23You're going to inherit a lot of money from him someday, aren't you?
00:14:26Hmm.
00:14:28Not if he finds out I've married a grocery delivery wagon.
00:14:31I'm...
00:14:31I don't know if he finds out I've married a lot of money.
00:14:33I don't think of him.
00:14:33I don't think of him.
00:14:48Any, uh...
00:14:50Anybody home?
00:14:51Gee, marriage to you would be just like a tabled out dinner.
00:15:21Everything would be ready and waiting.
00:15:24That's too much compliment for one dinner.
00:15:30Like to knit?
00:15:32I make all of my tents and sweaters, and I make all my own clothes.
00:15:36Make all your own clothes?
00:15:38Gee, that's smart.
00:15:41All that he ever made for me was trouble.
00:15:51Well, Uncle Claude, come in.
00:15:56Greetings, you young rascal.
00:15:59You didn't expect me so soon, did you?
00:16:02No, I didn't.
00:16:12Well, Uncle Claude, come in.
00:16:16Greetings, you young rascal.
00:16:18You didn't expect me so soon, did you?
00:16:20No, I didn't.
00:16:22Well, who?
00:16:24This is Mrs. Romney.
00:16:27Well, welcome, welcome to the family.
00:16:30You know, I'm Tommy's Uncle Claude.
00:16:33Well, Uncle, you see, my wife, my, my.
00:16:36What a nice cozy place you have here.
00:16:39Just ideal for a young bride and groom.
00:16:43You know, you know, I looked for you next door.
00:16:47Yeah, but I said that no relative of mine would ever live in a pig pen like that.
00:16:52You know how?
00:16:53Of course not.
00:16:54Well, you see, my, my wife is...
00:16:56Yes, I know, I know, I know.
00:16:57Well, I've always said that when you did marry,
00:17:00you'd marry a nice little domestic girl like me.
00:17:04A good cook, a good housekeeper.
00:17:08Oh, marriage is a wonderful institution, buddy of course.
00:17:11Oh, my soul and body.
00:17:18Well, Tom, this is wonderful.
00:17:22Oh, isn't that wonderful?
00:17:25Why didn't you cable me, Tom?
00:17:27Oh, my God.
00:17:29Congratulations.
00:17:31Oh, I am delighted.
00:17:33Well, Mr., you see that sweater, now I...
00:17:35No, no, no, no, don't explain.
00:17:38I understand.
00:17:40No, you don't.
00:17:42Oh, dear.
00:17:43Oh, dear.
00:17:44Oh, dear.
00:17:45You know, I believe that in a couple of days, my boy,
00:17:52you are going to get a nice big check.
00:17:56Oh, yes.
00:17:58That's the least an old codger like me can do for his future grand-nephew.
00:18:03Yeah, or grand-niece, or whatever it's going to be.
00:18:07This is what I call peace and quiet.
00:18:22Greetings.
00:18:23Merry Christmas.
00:18:24Noisy Fourth of July.
00:18:25Uh-huh.
00:18:26I thought I'd find you over here where you don't belong.
00:18:29Do you know this assassin?
00:18:30Why, there's my old friend Toofy.
00:18:32Hello, sweetheart.
00:18:33What are you doing over here, huh?
00:18:35Get rid of this woman at once.
00:18:37What are you, my official bouncer?
00:18:39Why, Mr. Davis, I didn't know you knew Lenny.
00:18:40I thought you said that Tom got married.
00:18:41Well, you see, that's it.
00:18:42Well, we've been neighbors for years.
00:18:43Oh, so it's you that lives next door.
00:18:44Yes.
00:18:45Would you like to dispossess me?
00:18:46Woman, go back to your pig pen where you belong.
00:18:48Uh-huh.
00:18:49You see, this is my Uncle Claude.
00:18:50Uh-huh.
00:18:51I've spoken to you about him often.
00:18:52Uh-huh.
00:18:53Oh, so it's you that lives next door.
00:18:55Yes.
00:18:56Would you like to dispossess me?
00:18:58Woman, go back to your pig pen where you belong.
00:19:01Uh-huh.
00:19:02You've been snooping around my cottage.
00:19:04Listen here, young man.
00:19:05If I catch you hanging around there again, Mama certainly is going to whip Papa.
00:19:09Say, what ails you?
00:19:11Are you reducing?
00:19:12Uh-huh.
00:19:13You see, this is my Uncle Claude.
00:19:15Uh-huh.
00:19:16I've spoken to you about him often.
00:19:17Mr. Davis, president of the International Ketchup and Tomato Company.
00:19:22Uh-huh.
00:19:23Oh, gee, I'm sorry.
00:19:24Woman, will you leave?
00:19:26Oh, Uncle Claude, can you ever, ever.
00:19:28Uh-huh.
00:19:29Will you, have you ever.
00:19:30Oh, yeah.
00:19:31If my husband had only told me.
00:19:33Oh, Tom, why didn't you?
00:19:34Oh, you see, Uncle Claude.
00:19:36Uh-huh.
00:19:37Uh-huh.
00:19:38Her husband is a friend of yours.
00:19:39He's a big tomato and sauce man from...
00:19:42From...
00:19:43From...
00:19:44Say, what are you raving about?
00:19:46You're not a big tomato and sauce man from...
00:19:49What?
00:19:50Oh, Uncle Claude, I'm so sorry.
00:19:52Oh, I'm going to get out of here.
00:19:54I'm going to get out of here.
00:19:55Now, now, now, Uncle Claude.
00:19:57Now, you mustn't get served.
00:19:58Can you take the air?
00:19:59What do you think I am, a windmill?
00:20:01Uh-oh.
00:20:07I'll be back in a minute.
00:20:13Now, now, now, my dear, I'm sorry, but I've got to be going.
00:20:17And, my dear, take my advice and don't become too intimate with that terrible woman.
00:20:24If Tom had ever married a creature like that.
00:20:28Now, what's this all about?
00:20:41What did you do to him?
00:20:42I didn't have the slightest idea who he was.
00:20:45I only knew him to be one of those rich new arrivals.
00:20:48So, I went up into his suite and I pulled some of that high-pressure sales method of mine on him.
00:20:53Good night.
00:20:54You fixed my future now.
00:20:56I'm sorry.
00:20:57Dreadfully sorry.
00:20:59Sorry.
00:21:03I knew you'd keep on clowning like this until something happened.
00:21:06Tom, honestly, I wouldn't have had this happen for anything in the world.
00:21:10Oh, stop acting.
00:21:12You're getting all set now to pull that one about the millionaire feeling sorry for the tramp.
00:21:16No, no, don't.
00:21:18No, I should have quit you long ago.
00:21:20Anyway, before this thing happened,
00:21:22I'm through.
00:21:31Thank you, my dear.
00:21:33I'm so glad that Tom married a nice little girl like you.
00:21:36I'm going to like you very much, my dear.
00:21:38And when Uncle Claude says he likes, he says it with cash.
00:21:42Goodbye, my dear.
00:21:44Goodbye.
00:21:45Goodbye, Uncle Claude.
00:21:52Tom.
00:21:53Come away from that woman.
00:22:02Leaving so soon, Uncle?
00:22:03Yeah, yeah.
00:22:04Well, I'll walk part of the ways with you.
00:22:06Look here, Tom.
00:22:07If you had ever married a woman like that tall creature, you'd never get a cent of my money.
00:22:13Well, being married to her would be hard on me, wouldn't it?
00:22:16Hard.
00:22:17It'd be fatal to you or anybody else.
00:22:19I'll walk to the pier with you.
00:22:21All right.
00:22:22All right.
00:22:23It isn't very polite to start reading the minute you're home.
00:22:27I'm trying to find a little good news, a nice murder or something.
00:22:31A little comedy relief for the home fire blues you sing.
00:22:38Stop hiding behind that paper.
00:22:40Hiding from you?
00:22:41Impossible.
00:22:42I told you when I married you that I couldn't cook and I don't like housework.
00:22:46Yeah, well, I found that out.
00:22:47You're just lazy.
00:22:48Lazy?
00:22:49I am not.
00:22:50I'd work like a dog if I had something artistic to do.
00:22:53Something befitting a delicate, high-strung, sensitive personality like mine.
00:22:57Sensitive?
00:22:58Ha-ha!
00:22:59Sensitive!
00:23:00Ha-ha!
00:23:01If I could bob my hair and put a bandeau around it and a couple of yards of cheese cloth around
00:23:05here and go in for Greek dancing.
00:23:07Yeah, well, suppose you start expressing yourself by putting on an apron and buying some frankfurters
00:23:12and doing a little Greek cooking.
00:23:14Are you broadcasting?
00:23:15I'm listening.
00:23:16Well, I warn you, I'll leave you.
00:23:19What I need is the kind of a life that will bring back my radio voice.
00:23:23Plenty of rest and good food and regularity of...
00:23:26Yes.
00:23:27Fresh air and long walks and sunshine.
00:23:30You don't want a wife.
00:23:31You want a sanitarium.
00:23:33Bleh.
00:23:34Bleh.
00:23:35Bleh.
00:23:36Am I blue?
00:23:37Am I blue?
00:23:38Am I blue?
00:23:39Am I blue?
00:23:40Da-da-dai-dee-da-da-dee-da-da-dee-da-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-ddee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-de-dee-dee-dee-dee.
00:23:49You might try talking to your wife occasionally.
00:23:54When, during intermission?
00:23:56Oh, why did I ever marry you?
00:24:00For revenge, I guess, and baby, you sure got it.
00:24:04One more crack out of you about what a good cook, Grace, is, and I'll knock you right through that door into her pots and pans.
00:24:18You should have married a kitchen stove.
00:24:21That's hot.
00:24:22No more wise cracks from the broken crockery.
00:24:25Say, I'll wise crack just as much as I want.
00:24:28You do what?
00:24:28Come on, get out of here.
00:24:30Slam the door as you go out.
00:24:34Oh, why, what's the matter, Tommy?
00:24:48You look worried.
00:24:52I'm not worried.
00:24:54I'm just exhausted.
00:24:56Letty and I just had another battle.
00:24:59Oh, you poor boy.
00:25:01You know, Grace, my wife doesn't understand me.
00:25:08Oh, that's a shame.
00:25:12Now, if I was only married to someone like you, Grace, dear.
00:25:15Tommy, you loved it.
00:25:22Did anybody ever tell you you had lovely hands?
00:25:26Not since I've been married.
00:25:27I didn't know you were home, Harry.
00:25:36Yeah, I'll send you a telegram the next time.
00:25:45Do you suppose he saw us holding hands?
00:25:47I don't know.
00:25:48And I don't care if he did.
00:25:51The brute.
00:25:51Come in.
00:26:04Hello, Harry.
00:26:05Pull down the drawbridge and enter.
00:26:06The Duke's away on a hunting trip.
00:26:08Sit down.
00:26:11Hey, Letty.
00:26:12Would you believe me if I said that my wife didn't understand me?
00:26:16Oh, that's too bad.
00:26:17Why don't you stay home nights and tell her something about yourself?
00:26:20No, if she spent half as much time on her face as she did her veal cutlet, well, I'd relish it.
00:26:27Are you speaking of the lady or the cutlet?
00:26:29Imagine how I feel when I come home nights and find her looking like the follies of 1910.
00:26:34Takes all the pep out of me.
00:26:36Now, with you, Letty, it's different.
00:26:38I, uh...
00:26:39Oh, Harry, you're killing me.
00:26:41Yeah, you're somewhat of a killer yourself.
00:26:45Harry, I wish Tommy'd get a suit like yours.
00:26:48Oh, you like the suit, huh?
00:26:49Mm-hmm.
00:26:50Soft, creepy material.
00:26:52Get the bare suggestion of the figure.
00:26:55It's the latest shriek from London.
00:26:57It's a scream, all right.
00:26:59I like the little digitalis around the majasbo here.
00:27:02It's really stunning.
00:27:03You know, Letty, you have beautiful, slender, graceful hands.
00:27:07Do you really think so?
00:27:08Yeah.
00:27:09Grace's hands are all thumbs.
00:27:11Mostly down.
00:27:12Eric, I'd like to speak to you outside a minute.
00:27:24All right, Tom.
00:27:25Tom.
00:27:25What's the idea of making love to my wife?
00:27:39That wasn't love.
00:27:40That was conversation.
00:27:41Well, when you had to hold her hands, what were you describing?
00:27:44A wrestling match?
00:27:45I'm a nervous temperament.
00:27:47Yeah.
00:27:47Well, you keep your nervous temperament away from my wife.
00:27:49Yeah.
00:27:50Where were you?
00:27:51I was practicing boys' culture.
00:27:55Well, since when is my home a rehearsal hall?
00:27:59You wouldn't go home if you saw one.
00:28:02Yeah.
00:28:02Well, you come on down by the ocean.
00:28:04I want to talk to you.
00:28:05Yeah.
00:28:05Yeah.
00:28:06Yeah.
00:28:16Hello.
00:28:16May I come in?
00:28:17Sure.
00:28:20Let them all in.
00:28:25What is the matter?
00:28:26You're as nervous as a cab.
00:28:27Grace, I am one jump ahead of a fifth.
00:28:31What's wrong?
00:28:33Plenty.
00:28:35Now, calm yourself, Reddy.
00:28:36Calm yourself.
00:28:38Tell me what happened.
00:28:39Listen, Harry was in here a minute ago, and he was telling me, he was telling me what
00:28:42pretty hands I have.
00:28:44Oh, really?
00:28:45Mm-hmm.
00:28:46And Tommy got terribly jealous.
00:28:48Jealous?
00:28:49Tom, jealous of Harry?
00:28:50Oh, how perfectly ridiculous.
00:28:54Oh, I don't know about that.
00:28:56Tommy admires me very much.
00:28:58But listen here, from what I can gather, Harry is extremely jealous of Tommy.
00:29:02You don't say so.
00:29:06Isn't that ridiculous?
00:29:08Oh, I don't know.
00:29:10Well, listen.
00:29:11Were they really very angry?
00:29:13Angry?
00:29:13They've gone down the beach now to have it out.
00:29:16Oh, suppose they kill each other.
00:29:19Boy, wouldn't that be awful?
00:29:20Oh, and Harry's the only husband I've got.
00:29:24Well, Tom is no leading man.
00:29:27But believe me, he is a comfort around the house.
00:29:30Oh.
00:29:42Are you all right, Tommy, darling?
00:29:44Are you all right, dear?
00:29:46Certainly we're all right.
00:29:47Aren't we, Tom?
00:29:48Perfect.
00:29:49Tom and I have just come to a big decision.
00:29:51Haven't we, Tom?
00:29:52Yes, indeed we have.
00:29:53You tell him, Tom.
00:29:57You tell him and I'll pat my foot.
00:30:00Well, you see, the fact is that...
00:30:01Yes, it certainly is.
00:30:03Yes, it certainly is.
00:30:05What is it?
00:30:05Now, Lord Galak, go ahead and spill it.
00:30:07Yes, let's have it.
00:30:08Well, to get right to the point,
00:30:10you see, we figured we'd exchange wives.
00:30:14Yes, precisely.
00:30:16What?
00:30:17Well, you're both crazy.
00:30:18Well, now, you see, Tom figured that Grace was such a good cook
00:30:21and he's such a food hound that...
00:30:23Yes, and Harry figured that as long as he likes to make Whoopi
00:30:26and Lettie invented it...
00:30:28So you two masterminds decided that you had both married the wrong girl.
00:30:32And you'd remedy the mistake by switching.
00:30:34Well, that's about it.
00:30:36That's exactly it.
00:30:37Well, of all the galls.
00:30:39They don't need a nerve tonic.
00:30:40That's a cinch.
00:30:41Well, now, understand, girls.
00:30:42We're not going to really...
00:30:44Oh, no, we won't really...
00:30:46Oh, you mean you won't really?
00:30:50Oh, you won't really?
00:30:53No, no.
00:30:54Not really?
00:30:55No.
00:30:56I think so.
00:30:57Really?
00:30:58So we girls are just taking on probation, so to speak.
00:31:01Uh-huh.
00:31:02So you two fellows have figured it all out
00:31:04and you're going to give us the air.
00:31:06Refined air, ozone.
00:31:08Well, I think it's outrageous and disgusting.
00:31:11Whose idea was this, anyway?
00:31:13Well, we thought that it was a kind of a collaboration.
00:31:19I wrote the words and he wrote the music.
00:31:22Oh, I see.
00:31:23It took two heads to hammer this idea.
00:31:26Say, Grace, step into my office, will you?
00:31:30We'll talk this thing over.
00:31:37So after all, you don't think we'd...
00:31:39Keep calm, keep calm.
00:31:40I know, but I've never swapped wives before, neither have you.
00:31:43Keep cool, Tommy, keep cool.
00:31:45I'm cool, all right.
00:31:49Oh, now, Letty, you're not going to really let them.
00:31:51Listen, can't you see?
00:31:52If they really want to get rid of us,
00:31:54we can't do anything else but let them?
00:31:56But supposing after we exchange for a while,
00:31:59Harry would prefer you.
00:32:01Don't worry.
00:32:02I never purchase goods by sample.
00:32:04Well, that's a relief.
00:32:06Would you want Tommy as a permanent institution?
00:32:08I should say not.
00:32:10Well, I don't want that giraffe that belongs to you.
00:32:13Well, anyway, I'm afraid.
00:32:15Oh, I just couldn't...
00:32:16Nonsense.
00:32:17This is the chance of a lifetime to teach them such a lesson
00:32:19that they'll eat out of our hands forever after.
00:32:21How?
00:32:22Listen, Tommy's always bawling me out
00:32:24about being a rotten cook and housekeeper.
00:32:26You take him for a week
00:32:27and stuff him with food till he cries for help.
00:32:30Say, that's not a bad idea.
00:32:31Harry's always bawling you out
00:32:33about not dressing well,
00:32:35sitting home and tending to the house.
00:32:37I'll take him for a week.
00:32:38Oh, boy, how I'll take him.
00:32:40I'll give him so much excitement and action
00:32:42that he'll crawl back to you on his hands and knees.
00:32:46Matty, you're a genius.
00:32:48Oh, you're generous.
00:32:50What do you say?
00:32:51I'm with you.
00:32:52Okay, baby.
00:32:54Oh, this is gonna be sweet.
00:32:57Come on now.
00:32:57I'm with you.
00:33:04Well?
00:33:06Well?
00:33:08Well?
00:33:10Well, we've decided.
00:33:13Harry, you come over here with me for a week
00:33:16and Tommy, you go over there with Grace.
00:33:21You mean for a week?
00:33:23For a week?
00:33:24We can get a divorce later.
00:33:26Grace and I are not gonna take
00:33:28any such serious steps as that
00:33:29until we're perfectly sure
00:33:30that she wants Tommy and I want you.
00:33:32And a week's trial
00:33:33will give us all the information we need.
00:33:36Undoubtedly.
00:33:38Positively.
00:33:39Absolutely.
00:33:41Good.
00:33:42Is it a bargain?
00:33:43It's more than a bargain.
00:33:44It's a fire sale.
00:33:45Well, I'm game if you are.
00:33:48Your latchkey.
00:33:49Your latchkey.
00:33:50Now, Harry, make it snappy.
00:34:03And you better be good.
00:34:05I'm gonna pack.
00:34:06I'll be right back.
00:34:14What?
00:34:14Well, when do we eat?
00:34:18I'll be right back.
00:34:48Oh, Daddy, I'm so scared.
00:34:53I don't feel so damn good myself.
00:35:12Is Tom still packing?
00:35:15Yeah.
00:35:15He's in.
00:35:26Uh-huh.
00:35:29How do you feel, Tom?
00:35:31Fine.
00:35:32How do you feel?
00:35:33Pale and warmer.
00:35:34Well, let's go.
00:35:35Let's go.
00:35:36Well, here we are.
00:35:46Yeah, here they are, the two of them.
00:35:48You mean the four of us.
00:35:49Let's do a menu with.
00:35:50Right.
00:35:50Choose your partner.
00:35:55Well, Tommy, we better get started.
00:35:57Started?
00:35:57He's way ahead of you and leading the way.
00:35:59Remember, early to bed and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
00:36:05So long, Letty.
00:36:07So long, Tommy.
00:36:10So long, Letty.
00:36:13Bye.
00:36:24Bye.
00:36:28Bye.
00:36:35Bye.
00:36:38Bye.
00:36:38Bye.
00:36:39nice roast beef yes I know I know we always have roast beef Thursday Wednesday lamb chops
00:36:56Tuesday steak Monday hash you don't need a calendar in this house you can smell the days
00:37:03well for dessert we have the loveliest lemon pie I know we always have lemon pie Thursday
00:37:12Wednesday rice pudding Tuesday bread pudding Monday apple pie and whipped cream
00:37:19Sunday applesauce
00:37:25uh-uh uh-uh come on come on does mama's new papa want his dinner I'm too tired to eat Letty well
00:37:34come on in and sit down and I'll give you nothing but service nothing but service I don't want
00:37:39anything to eat oh well you'll need plenty of food before morning because we're going out on
00:37:43a wild party what again tonight wow Letty if you ever have a kid it'll be an Alcar conductor yes I
00:37:48want something coffee strong and black boy you've got it right there strong and black aged in the
00:37:54pot since yesterday morning oh that guy doesn't know when he's well off harder to sleep than
00:37:58eat oh please go away and let me sleep Letty please I can do without that well what kind of fish will
00:38:07you have salmon sardines or tuna name your can I have the brand how's your appetite I don't need
00:38:14any appetite I'm starved already but I'm too tired to eat now there's a condition for you well you might
00:38:19be in a worse condition you might have tomaine well far be it from me to force a man to eat if you
00:38:25don't want to eat all right that's your business it's there for you use your own judgment
00:38:28oh
00:38:34one I love two I love three I love I say I wish I have my own wife back again I wish I have my own
00:38:43seven he loves eight he wants to wear that's what the days are
00:38:50hello operator give me Beachwood 4852 yeah
00:39:07hello hello Grace this is Harry listen honey please let me come home please will you this dame
00:39:17over here has got me on my heels I'm collapsing she's had me out every night all night and when
00:39:22she can't find a party to go to well she has one here honey please let me come home I'll be good
00:39:27I'll come home for supper every night how have you been honey I've been fine and listen here let me tell
00:39:32you something you made your bed and you can lie in it Tom and I are getting along very well and we're
00:39:38very very happy and he enjoys eating my cooking and just as long as he enjoys eating it he can eat it
00:39:44well but Grace listen Grace hello hello Grace say listen don't you hang up on me
00:40:02hello hello hello hello that isn't the phone it's the doorbell I was just going oh I'm sorry to have
00:40:13kept you waiting but I was in the backyard bathing I mean bathing the nasty stertion oh I came over to
00:40:19tell you that my husband's been called out of town suddenly and I'm giving a party over at my cottage
00:40:23everybody's coming you and Harry must dance over why of course we will
00:40:29Harry adores parties when do you want us the sooner the quicker all right we have a slip on the top
00:40:36step and be right over all right baby I'll see you later bye-bye goodbye I tell you I'm not going
00:40:42any more parties I'm not going to spend my entire life in a tuxedo are you going to go and get dressed
00:40:47or am I going to dress you oh please letty please this way to the soup and fish oh let me stay home
00:40:52the night now you stay here and you get dressed my clothes are in the kitchen I'll go get them
00:41:22have you a match no but my sister has a lighter well you can't clean your fingernails with a lighter
00:41:33haven't we met someplace before don't you girls know Mrs. Zipzig well you should know her she's giving
00:41:44a party tonight and when she gives mister how she is I'm quite sure we don't know her but perhaps we
00:41:51ought to I think we should here here here hey what what what's going on here well pop these are some
00:42:00old friends of ours yes grandpop these are some more boys we knew at school oh I see yeah well school is
00:42:09still out but grandpa they invited us to a party tonight over at Mrs. Zipzig no woman with a name
00:42:19like that could give a decent party besides I'm going to call on my nephew Tom Robbins and you two
00:42:26girls are going with me what do you know about that a shooting star two shooting stars and oh how they shoot
00:42:38huh I don't see any shooting star I don't see any stars at all
00:42:50well the party's off Mrs. Zipzig's husband didn't get out of town isn't that too bad yeah well that's
00:42:58great I can get some sleep now oh don't be silly Harry there's other places to go yeah well there's one
00:43:03place you can go and you won't need me for an escort oh don't be silly Letty I'm not going to get
00:43:08this straight jacket again I wouldn't go out tonight for anything
00:43:10well hello hello how are you how are you well what is this a parade or something no but that's
00:43:33the judgment is not the cold we were going over to Mrs. Zipzig but her party was called off so we all
00:43:38boxed over here well come in I'm glad you came make yourselves at home of course I see you brought
00:43:44your banjos with your boys go ahead and tune up fun well girls park yourselves around here and make
00:43:50yourselves at home with you you'll find ice in the ice box and plenty of ale in the ginger ale I'll go out
00:43:54bring out the life of the party are you going to get up and get dressed or must I knock you unconscious
00:44:11and dress you on the day I let three somebody should have poisoned me I never thought of that
00:44:17but it's a good idea will Sinai do or do you prefer potassium
00:44:22well where's Harry he'll be in just as soon as he finds his false teeth
00:44:35say Letty will you do something sure I imitate wild birds and beasts of the forest my first
00:44:42imitation will be that of a wild eyelash
00:44:44wow wow wow wow do you know my strongest weakness no I mean the song play it
00:44:52every psychoanalyst that's analyzing told me I would never never fall in love
00:45:10they all say your mental strength is most surprising
00:45:17they thought I was a sandow but I fooled them and how I've got a weakness I must confess this is a weakness you'll never get
00:45:38I tried to hide it I hope it don't show I'll not confide it embarrass you no Scotchman like brandy Chinaman like rice
00:45:48kids fall for candy gamblers for candy gamblers for dice even the strongest have weaknesses too my strongest weakness is true
00:45:58my strongest weakness is you
00:46:06I've got a weakness I must confess
00:46:11I must have weaknesses too, my strongest weakness is you.
00:46:22I've got a weakness I must confess, this is a weakness you'll never get.
00:46:35I try to hide it, I hope it don't show, I'm not confided, embarrassed you know.
00:46:47Scotsman like brandy, Chinaman like rice, kids for candy, gamblers for dyes.
00:47:00Even the strongest have weaknesses too, my strongest weakness is you.
00:47:14How's your ingestion, dear?
00:47:16It's getting no better fast.
00:47:18Oh, don't you think I'd better call a doctor?
00:47:21Say, if you don't stop annoying me, you're going to have to call a doctor for yourself.
00:47:26Oh, don't you think I'd better call a doctor?
00:47:30Oh, don't you think I'd better call a doctor?
00:47:32Oh, don't you think I'd better call a doctor?
00:47:34Harry, the gloom chaser!
00:47:36Get hot, boys, get hot!
00:47:40You're one sweet little yet, means all my happiness.
00:47:54Oh, baby, never, never tell me no.
00:47:59You take away my breath, TBS and me to death.
00:48:05No, baby, never, never let me go.
00:48:08Let it go.
00:48:09Why, you've got dozens of cousins and dozens of ants.
00:48:13Relatives by the score.
00:48:16Write them and bite them and give them a chance.
00:48:19They come around too.
00:48:20You're one sweet little yes.
00:48:24Me, Doris, Plotts, and that old, old dress.
00:48:28Oh, baby, never, never let me go.
00:48:31How about a little drink?
00:48:36How about a little drink?
00:48:38Well, how about a glass of hot water?
00:48:41Fine.
00:48:42Make it scalding and throw it at yourself.
00:48:44Aw, now just a nice glass of hot water with a little soda in it.
00:48:49And a cherry.
00:48:50Give me liberty or give me death.
00:48:52You're enough to drive a man screwy.
00:48:55Why, Tom, where are you going?
00:48:58Ice skating.
00:49:04Oh.
00:49:17The bull.
00:49:18We're pinched.
00:49:24Why, it's Cupid.
00:49:25On with the dance.
00:49:28What are you doing here?
00:49:29Letty, dear, please let me come back.
00:49:31That woman's driving me crazy.
00:49:32Now you made your bed.
00:49:34Now you eat it.
00:49:35Oh, Letty, I...
00:49:38All right, all right.
00:49:40We'll let you go out and wash the dishes.
00:49:42On with the dance.
00:49:43What do we say?
00:49:45Good evening, my dear.
00:49:46Hello.
00:49:47Where's your husband?
00:49:48Oh, well, he just stepped out for a minute.
00:49:51Ah, he shouldn't leave you alone like this.
00:49:52Well, he had to go on business.
00:49:53Oh.
00:49:54Oh.
00:49:55Oh.
00:49:56Ha, ha.
00:49:57Ha, ha.
00:49:58Ha, ha.
00:49:59Ha, ha.
00:50:00Ha, ha.
00:50:01Ha, ha.
00:50:02Ha, ha.
00:50:03Ha, ha.
00:50:04Ha, ha.
00:50:05Ha, ha.
00:50:06Ha, ha.
00:50:07Ha, ha.
00:50:08Ha, ha.
00:50:09Ha, ha.
00:50:10Ha, ha.
00:50:11Ha, ha.
00:50:12Ha, ha.
00:50:13Ha, ha.
00:50:14Ha, ha.
00:50:16Ha, ha.
00:50:17What a nice, cozy place you have here.
00:50:18Ha, ha.
00:50:19Uh, Tom's the lucky boy, my dear.
00:50:21Oh, thank you, Mr., uncle Claude.
00:50:23Ha, ha.
00:50:24You've been a, you've been a fine influence to Tom.
00:50:26Oh, that's very nice of you.
00:50:28Ha, ha.
00:50:29Ha, ha.
00:50:30And, and don't think I don't appreciate it, my dear.
00:50:32Ha, ha.
00:50:34And when Uncle Claude says
00:50:36that he appreciates anything, he pays for him.
00:50:39There, my dear.
00:50:41For me?
00:50:42for you and your husband.
00:50:44Why, but I, uh...
00:50:47$50,000!
00:50:50I'll give this check to Tom as soon as he comes home.
00:50:53All right, all right.
00:50:55What's that noise?
00:50:58The people next door are having a party.
00:51:00Get that terrible woman!
00:51:02You should have all the rest and quiet
00:51:05that you possibly can get, dear.
00:51:07Yeah, and by golly, you're going to have it, too.
00:51:10Where's the telephone?
00:51:12Why, what are you going to do?
00:51:13I'm going to stop that terrible noise.
00:51:15You don't suppose that I'm going to allow a woman like that
00:51:17to jeopardize your health and your well-being, uh...
00:51:20at a time like this?
00:51:23I should say not.
00:51:25I'll have the whole lot of them in jail.
00:51:31Give me the police station.
00:51:34How can you change a sad affair to fun?
00:51:40By doing what appeals to everyone.
00:51:44And that is...
00:51:46Clowning!
00:51:47Clowning!
00:51:48Clowning!
00:51:49Clowning!
00:51:50That's the way to save a party when it's drowning!
00:51:53Just pretend that you're a kid,
00:51:55do the kind of things you did,
00:51:57pull a lot of monkey business,
00:51:59go completely off your lips!
00:52:01Wow!
00:52:02Lady!
00:52:04Clowning!
00:52:05Clowning!
00:52:06Clowning!
00:52:07It's better than reciting keeps a browning!
00:52:11The Whitneys and the Vanderbilt's,
00:52:13the Astors and the Ghouls,
00:52:15know how to warm a party up the minute that it cools.
00:52:18They forget their ritzy ways and act like dogs are fools!
00:52:22Clowning!
00:52:23Clowning!
00:52:24Clowning!
00:52:25Clowning!
00:52:26Clowning!
00:52:27Clowning!
00:52:28Clowning!
00:52:29It's entertaining value is astounding,
00:52:31though it wouldn't go in France,
00:52:33and in England not a chance,
00:52:35but the proper thing to do here is to kick them in the pants!
00:52:38Clowning!
00:52:40Clowning?
00:52:41Clowning!
00:52:42Clowning!
00:52:43It is Uncle Sammy's antidote for frowning,
00:52:47and in diplomatic circles,
00:52:49and in big affairs of state,
00:52:51when congressmen and senators can't get the issues straight,
00:52:55they get their heads together and they sing,
00:52:58Sweet Adoline!
00:53:02Sweet Adoline!
00:53:07My Adoline!
00:53:11My Adoline!
00:53:16They're a legend!
00:53:20Clowning!
00:53:21NOO-HOO!
00:53:22TALY!
00:53:23TALY!
00:53:24MTUHOUR!
00:53:25TALY!
00:53:26JRNATI!
00:53:27LOWY!
00:53:28SLOWLY!
00:53:29LOWY!
00:53:31SLOWLY!
00:53:32FLOWLY!
00:53:33FLOWLY!
00:53:34FLOWLY!
00:53:35FLOWLY!
00:53:36LOWY!
00:53:37FLOWLY!
00:53:39SLOWLY!
00:53:40FLOWLY!
00:53:41FLOWLY!
00:53:42FLOWLY!
00:53:43FLOWLY!
00:53:44And they're breaking every law of the Constitution, including all of the amendments.
00:53:49So hurry.
00:53:50Yeah.
00:53:51Ha-ha.
00:53:52Yeah.
00:53:55I miss you so long, so long.
00:54:01Let if you go on your way.
00:54:08Isn't that Tom's voice?
00:54:11Oh, I don't think so.
00:54:12What?
00:54:12That's Tom's voice, the rascal, telling you that he's got to work and then going in there
00:54:21to her home.
00:54:22I'm ashamed of it.
00:54:23No nephew of mine can treat a wife like you like that.
00:54:27Ha-ha.
00:54:28No, sir.
00:54:29I'll get him.
00:54:30I'll drag him here, and I'll make him confess everything.
00:54:32I'll show him that he can't treat you like that.
00:54:35You know, the time like this, my dear.
00:54:37But Uncle, go on now.
00:54:38All right, all right.
00:54:38Now, where's my hat?
00:54:39It's all right.
00:54:40Don't let me say.
00:54:42So long that he's mine.
00:54:49That's good work, darling.
00:54:51That's nice, dear.
00:54:53That's Uncle Dudley with some over-sparklin' whoppers.
00:55:09Bring yourself in.
00:55:10I'll go to the door.
00:55:11Peanuts goes to the door.
00:55:13I'll go with you.
00:55:14What?
00:55:15What are you doing here with that?
00:55:18Oh, how do you do, Mr. Davis?
00:55:19How are you?
00:55:21Don't do that.
00:55:22Hello, hello, hello, hello there.
00:55:24I'll rob a secret, so I'll put it there.
00:55:25You go away.
00:55:26No way.
00:55:26I don't like your fight.
00:55:27So do I.
00:55:28Here.
00:55:28Here.
00:55:28Here.
00:55:29Come back here.
00:55:31Come back here.
00:55:32You're a couple of bad girls, and I ought to have you put in a reform school.
00:55:35But we haven't done any harm.
00:55:37We haven't...
00:55:37Oh, shut up.
00:55:38I'll have you deported.
00:55:40Look here.
00:55:41You two get your things done.
00:55:42Here.
00:55:43Here.
00:55:43Tom.
00:55:44Come back here.
00:55:45Come back here.
00:55:47What are you doing in this terrible place?
00:55:50Well, I...
00:55:50I...
00:55:51I...
00:55:51I just came over to borrow a dictionary.
00:55:54Ah.
00:55:55You ought to be ashamed of yourself lying to your wife.
00:55:58Why, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, Mr. Robbins.
00:56:01You leave my house immediately.
00:56:03Yes, go right home, Tom.
00:56:04And you must stay, Mr. Davis.
00:56:06We'll get a lot of laughs.
00:56:07What?
00:56:07I mean, you will get a lot of laughs.
00:56:09In your house, I wouldn't think...
00:56:10Oh, you've got to stay.
00:56:11No.
00:56:13No.
00:56:15No.
00:56:16Oh, you've got to be hard.
00:56:18Oh, you've got to be hard.
00:56:18Oh, you've got to be hard.
00:56:19Oh, you've got to be hard.
00:56:27Oh.
00:56:29Jiggers, the cops are...
00:56:30Oh!
00:56:39Good evening.
00:56:40Awfully glad you dropped in as this, Officer Ronk, huh?
00:56:42Oh, you've got to be hard.
00:56:43Oh, you've got to be hard.
00:56:43Disorderly, huh?
00:56:45Disturbine the peace, huh?
00:56:48Huh?
00:56:49Huh?
00:56:50Uh-huh.
00:56:52Uh-uh.
00:56:54Hey, now, look here.
00:56:55Ah, you shut up.
00:56:57These old birds like you that demoralize the youth of our country.
00:57:01Who lives here?
00:57:03I do.
00:57:05Where'd this come from?
00:57:07Come here.
00:57:08You too.
00:57:09Hey, look here.
00:57:09Look here.
00:57:10You take your dirty hands off me.
00:57:12You can't arrest me.
00:57:13I am Claude Davis, President of the International Tetra...
00:57:17And I'm the Queen of the Maine.
00:57:19Come on.
00:57:21Here.
00:57:21You can't arrest that old gentleman.
00:57:23He wasn't here.
00:57:24He wasn't.
00:57:24He wasn't?
00:57:26I suppose he isn't here now.
00:57:28You tell it to the judge.
00:57:30He just paid for listening to lies.
00:57:33Come on, boys.
00:57:33Take him along.
00:57:34You can't arrest me.
00:57:36I've got an appointment for a facial tomorrow.
00:57:38So's your Aunt Emma.
00:57:40Oh, my Aunt Emma wouldn't know what a facial was.
00:57:42It's this way out.
00:57:44Oh, you make me sick.
00:57:45Come on, you.
00:57:45But, officer, I don't belong here.
00:57:54You've been aching to talk for the past half hour.
00:57:57Kindly tell the court what you were doing at this party.
00:58:00Are you a singer, too?
00:58:01No, Your Honor.
00:58:03I am not a singer.
00:58:04I am Claude Davis, President of the International Tomato Castle Company.
00:58:09Will you tell the truth about this, or will you go to jail?
00:58:12Your Honor, this may seem a bit strange to you, but we traded husbands and wives for a week.
00:58:17You did what?
00:58:18I am really married to Tommy Robbins, and she is really married to Harry Miller.
00:58:23Both boys got tired of their own wives, and...
00:58:26Look here.
00:58:26Tom Robbins, do you mean to say that you are married to this chap?
00:58:30One moment, sir.
00:58:31Another remark like that, and you'll go to jail for a month.
00:58:34But, my dear judge...
00:58:35Go on, now.
00:58:36That's all there is to it.
00:58:38Tommy preferred Grace to me, and Harry preferred me to Grace, so we swapped.
00:58:42Yeah, and, Your Honor, I got no bargain.
00:58:43And I regret it, and so do I.
00:58:45No one regrets it more than I do, and I want Tommy back.
00:58:49He's not very much to look at, Judge, but he does lend atmosphere in the home.
00:58:53He lends more sphere than atmos, but I like it.
00:58:56Well, if I understand this situation correctly,
00:59:00all parties, to this astonishing and illegal exchange,
00:59:05sincerely regret it and desire it to return to their respective husbands and wives.
00:59:10Will you repeat that, Judge?
00:59:12Judge, my pal, I'd rather live with scarlet fever than with this woman.
00:59:16Me too, only I'll take tonsillitis.
00:59:18Man, I'd rather eat rat poison than live with that Mrs. Miller.
00:59:21You'll eat those words.
00:59:23He'll eat anything he can get near his mouth.
00:59:26And that's so big he can't miss it.
00:59:29Oh, and to think I was going to give you a big check.
00:59:34Very well, then.
00:59:35I command that each one of you return immediately to his husband or wife.
00:59:42And to ensure good conduct in the future,
00:59:44I parole each husband to each wife, and each wife to each husband.
00:59:49Your Honor, may I ask my nephew a question?
00:59:53Yes.
00:59:54Tom, how about my future grand-nephew or grand-niece or whatever it was going to be?
01:00:02Answer the gentleman's question.
01:00:04Well, you see, Mr. Davis, Your Honor,
01:00:08that little sweater I was knitting was for Hortense, my dog.
01:00:12Oh, I just...
01:00:14How are you deceiving her?
01:00:15Oh, I...
01:00:17Now, Uncle Claude, don't you lose...
01:00:18Now, look here.
01:00:19As for you, you will regret this to your dying day.
01:00:22You are a menace to society.
01:00:24Why, the world would be better off, Davis.
01:00:26I advise you to control your temper.
01:00:29Not much, please.
01:00:30In that case...
01:00:31Oh, dear.
01:00:32Oh, my...
01:00:33Wait, stop, look, and listen.
01:00:42You take your hands off of me.
01:00:44Aren't you satisfied?
01:00:45Ruining my reputation?
01:00:48Wrecking my faith in mankind?
01:00:50Yes, and womankind, too.
01:00:52But, Uncle Claude, it's not as bad as you think.
01:00:55You haven't lost anything.
01:00:56I'm sorry.
01:00:56I'll give you back the check that you gave me.
01:00:59What?
01:01:00Say, where'd you get that check?
01:01:02I never gave that check to you.
01:01:04I gave it to Tom.
01:01:06Well, it was made out to Mr. and Mrs. Tom Robbins,
01:01:08so naturally it wasn't mine.
01:01:10Yes, and good husbands always share everything with their wives.
01:01:14Uh-huh.
01:01:17The thing that you have taken from me
01:01:19that hurts more than anything else
01:01:21is the fond hope I had
01:01:24for a future grand-nephew
01:01:26or a grand-need.
01:01:31If it wasn't for that,
01:01:33I might be able to forgive all of you.
01:01:38Uncle Claude.
01:01:40What do you want?
01:01:48What?
01:01:48No!
01:02:01Here's a toast to Uncle Claude,
01:02:05the tomato ketchup king.
01:02:06He's wined and dined us royally
01:02:08and forgiven us everything.
01:02:12He's given Ruth this promise
01:02:14that she can marry Joe.
01:02:15That if she loves his twelve months hence,
01:02:17of course she will, I know.
01:02:19And Sally can have her parents
01:02:21to honor and obey.
01:02:22That's if in a year
01:02:23she still can stand to listen to his play.
01:02:26He gave grace back her husband
01:02:28as good as when first went.
01:02:30And he made my Tommy leave her
01:02:32and come back to me instead.
01:02:36My mama said I'm a good girl.
01:02:38Come on.
01:02:39Come on.
01:02:40Come on.
01:02:41Come on.
01:02:41Come on.
01:02:43Now, ladies and gentlemen,
01:02:47nieces, nephews, and grandkids.
01:02:49And now, I have a surprise for Letty.
01:02:52I am taking Sally and Ruth abroad
01:02:54for a whole year.
01:02:56And I want Letty to come with us.
01:02:58Oh, wow!
01:03:00Oh, boy, what a life!
01:03:02What a life!
01:03:02Facials and brands,
01:03:04mudpacks and parrots
01:03:05and lotions and mongrel.
01:03:07Oh, Uncle Claude,
01:03:09this is too much!
01:03:10Ah, girl!
01:03:11Oh, Tommy!
01:03:13Don't worry, darling,
01:03:14I won't go and leave you!
01:03:15That's the band!
01:03:17Oh, there it is!
01:03:18Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
01:03:20let me go
01:03:22on your way,
01:03:24oh, God!
01:03:26If you go on,
01:03:28go on,
01:03:29say,
01:03:30and you don't want
01:03:32my given time,
01:03:34but if you take my
01:03:36go on away,
01:03:38go on,
01:03:40behind you,
01:03:41to keep,
01:03:42to keep,
01:03:43to keep,
01:03:43love me,
01:03:45love me,
01:03:46play,
01:03:46go on,
01:03:47go away,
01:03:48go on,
01:03:49let me,
01:03:49go on,
01:03:51let me,
01:03:52go on,
01:03:53let me,
01:03:54I...
01:03:57Ha, ha, ha!
01:03:58Ha, ha, ha!
01:03:58Ha, ha, ha, ha!
01:04:05Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
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