You’re Not Lazy — You’re Just Focused On The WRONG Goal (Fix THIS _ Finally Start Winning) - video Dailymotion

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Watch You’re Not Lazy — You’re Just Focused On The WRONG Goal (Fix THIS _ Finally Start Winning) - movieHB on Dailymotion

Transcript

00:00:00I think if people are like, I want to accomplish this goal, the very next question is why? And

00:00:05then go why, why, why, why, why? If your why is so strong, how it's going to be done, it doesn't

00:00:10matter. You'll figure out. You've got a book out called Level Up. Rob Dial from the Mindset Mentor

00:00:15Podcast. Not everything that's happened to you in your life is your fault, but whatever it is that

00:00:20you have, it is your responsibility to work through. If I'm going to feel the feelings of fear, why

00:00:23don't I also just try feeling the feelings of success and getting there?

00:00:30Hey everyone, I've got some huge news to share with you. In the last 90 days, 79.4% of our audience

00:00:38came from viewers and listeners that are not subscribed to this channel. There's research

00:00:43that shows that if you want to create a habit, make it easy to access. By hitting the subscribe

00:00:49button, you're creating a habit of learning how to be happier, healthier, and more healed. This would

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00:01:05The number one health and wellness podcast.

00:01:07Jay Shetty.

00:01:08Jay Shetty.

00:01:09The one, the only Jay Shetty.

00:01:13Why is it that we all want something? We have goals. We have things that we believe are important,

00:01:20but we struggle to focus on them. Yeah. Well, there's, there's a couple of different things.

00:01:25I think the first thing is that we hold ourselves back from is we have a lot of fears and fears when

00:01:30you really start to dive into them. Like you, you mentioned in the beginning of this, like I started

00:01:34talking with you about like the East and you started, I remember you told me in 2017, like you should

00:01:39read the Bhagavad Gita. So I literally wrote it, I got it like the next week and read it while we were

00:01:43traveling. And so there was that. And, and as I was writing the book, I was like, what's the thing?

00:01:47Cause the original title of the book was a psychology of taking action. Cause I was looking

00:01:51at the mindset mentor podcast. I have 1400 episodes. And I was like, it's just me speaking

00:01:55for almost every single one of them. And I was like, what do I teach? Like, what do, what do

00:01:59people want from me? And I was like, it's almost all like tips and tricks to understand yourself

00:02:04to take action because everybody who's listening to a podcast has the awareness of, I want to

00:02:09improve. I want to get better. I want something different, but how do I do it? And so I started

00:02:14saying, okay, if taking action is what the book's going to be about, like, why don't you

00:02:17take action in the first place? And one of the things that pops up for people is fear. Like

00:02:21they're just, there's some sort of fear that pops up for them. And I had a conversation with one of

00:02:25my friends who went and lived in the tribe with a tribe, a native Brazilian tribe in the middle of

00:02:30Brazil. And so he had to fly into a town. He had to hop on a boat and go for two days on a boat in the

00:02:34middle of nowhere. And he started talking to me about these things that he called primal fears and

00:02:38intellectual fears. So like a primal fear is, is pain or death is attached to it. And we don't really

00:02:43come up with too many primal fears in our life nowadays. Intellectual fear is like what we deal

00:02:48with all day long, which is, you know, the, the, the fear of rejection, the fear of failure, the fear of

00:02:54not being accepted, the fear of success. We all have these fears and all of these fears are made up in

00:02:59our minds. And so I was listening to, I'm pretty sure it was Sadhguru I was listening to. And I was

00:03:04like, I put on and I was driving around in Sedona as I was writing the book. I was there just to try to

00:03:09get my whole mind together by myself writing it. And I was like looking at fears and trying to figure

00:03:14them out. And one thing that he said that like really hit me more than anything else is, okay,

00:03:20I've identified my fears. And the next thing is, well, how do I overcome these fears? And if it's

00:03:24an intellectual fear, the fears that exist in our minds is you can't overcome something that doesn't

00:03:29exist. And so we create, we basically wake up in the morning, we create the boogeyman, which is like

00:03:35the fear of success, the fear of failure, whatever it is. And instead of actually taking the action

00:03:39that we need to and focusing on what it is that we want, we take all of our focus and put it

00:03:43towards trying to overcome this fear. When in reality, the fear doesn't even exist in the first

00:03:47place. And so I think the biggest thing for most people is like the fear is keeping you from,

00:03:52from focusing. But there's also like the identity of who you think you are. And one of my favorite

00:03:57things is challenging who I think I am all the time. Like I love the story. And I put in the book

00:04:03of Jim Carrey when he decided to be in Man on the Moon. And it was a, the Man on the Moon was a movie

00:04:11where he ended up playing Andy Kaufman. And there was a whole documentary that was done on this and

00:04:17they curbed it for like 20 years because it was so off the rails of how crazy he went. And what he

00:04:22did was he, it's a documentary called Jim and Andy that's on him playing the role on Man on the

00:04:27Moon. So Andy Kaufman was a guy who was once alive. And the crazy part about Andy Kaufman is he also

00:04:32played other characters. So it was Jim Carrey playing Andy Kaufman who played like Tony Clifton

00:04:37and other characters. But the thing that happened with him was that he would never break character.

00:04:42So he was a method actor. So for four months, he played as this real life person. And even to the

00:04:49point where his driver that would pick him up in Hollywood and drive him to his house said that

00:04:53whoever he was playing at the time that they stopped recording, whether it was Andy Kaufman,

00:04:57Tony Clifton, he would play that person the entire day when he, when he was driving him home

00:05:01that night and he picked him up and he was still the same person, not Jim Carrey anymore.

00:05:05And so what happened was he, he ended up like, and it gets kind of crazy where he ends up doing

00:05:11therapy sessions with Andy Kaufman's real daughter and his family. So like help them overcome his

00:05:17sudden death. And so what happens is they stopped recording four months later and he's like,

00:05:22I don't know who I am. And he lost who he was. And he's like, I don't know my beliefs. I don't

00:05:27know what makes me happy. What makes me sad. What pisses me off anymore. He's like, I've kind

00:05:31of just lost who Jim Carrey is. And that's kind of like his spiritual awakening that you've seen

00:05:36him go through over the past 20 years. And he realized if I can lose Jim Carrey, then who the

00:05:41hell is Jim Carrey? And he realized that Jim Carrey is just basically a character that he's playing

00:05:45all the time. That is completely somebody else. And he could just wake up another morning and act

00:05:51like he's somebody else. And so I think that two of the things that really keep us from focusing on

00:05:54stuff is we get really afraid and fearful of making change or judgment or failure and all that. And

00:05:59the other thing is like who we actually truly think we are, um, will hold us back from taking

00:06:04either the action that we need to, or, you know, staying in the exact same position that we're in.

00:06:08I love that. I want to go down both of those routes because I find them both fascinating for

00:06:12different reasons. And I want to go down that more spiritual, ethereal journey as well, because

00:06:17yeah, but, but before we do that, I want to make sure that, so if we talk about the fears that people

00:06:23are experiencing, as you said, a lot of the time, it's an intellectual fear. It's not real, but it

00:06:27feels so real. It feels real. Yeah. Right. Like when someone says like, oh, I'm really scared about

00:06:33what if I get rejected from the job, or I'm really scared that my partner is going to leave me,

00:06:38or I'm really scared that I don't feel good enough or smart enough to, to make it in whatever field

00:06:46it is. Those feel extremely real. Yeah. How do you process a feeling that feels real, even though it

00:06:54may be intellectual? Yeah. Well, so that's the beautiful thing about being a human. And I think

00:06:58it's, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, but I think it's actually in the Bhagavad Gita gives an

00:07:01example of a lion attacking you or tiger attacking you at night. And you know, one of the examples I give in

00:07:07the book is similar to that, where it's like, if you think about it, if you, we've all had this,

00:07:11we have a really intense dream. Like you're walking in a forest, whatever it is, and you see a lion,

00:07:16it starts running after you. You know, you, you, you run from it. You turn, you look over your

00:07:20shoulder, it's getting closer. You're still running from it. You turn, you look over your shoulder,

00:07:24just as teeth are about to, to, to dig into you. And you wake up in the middle of the night

00:07:28and your body didn't move at all, but you're sweating. You're out of breath. Your heart rate is

00:07:34intensely going. And the amazing thing about being a human, you know, they usually say in any

00:07:40cases, what your biggest strength is, is also can be your biggest fault. The thing about humans is

00:07:44that we can project our minds into a future that doesn't exist yet. And so what we can do right now

00:07:50is we can sit here, you know, we're in the studio. Everything is amazing. We have food, water, shelter,

00:07:56clothing, everything. But if I'm like, as a lot of people do, like if I'm starting a business, right,

00:08:00I can sit here and I can think, well, I really want to start this business. But then I start

00:08:05playing out all of the things that could go wrong, which is what we tend to do. Not what goes right,

00:08:09but what could go wrong. When I project my mind into that future, the crazy part is that my mind and my

00:08:14body are constantly connected. So my, my brain is sending neuropeptides to my body and creating

00:08:19hormones as if that moment is actually happening right now. And so what happens is we tend to, as humans,

00:08:25as a protection mechanism, we tend to project ourself into a future that is fearful, that is

00:08:31scary. And that fearful, scary feeling usually keeps us in the exact same place. And so what I

00:08:37always say is like, if I'm going to imagine the worst that could happen, why don't I at least try

00:08:41to see the best that could happen? And so if I'm going to notice myself, the awareness of like,

00:08:46I'm really in a lot of fear right now with starting this business. And I'm going, man, what's the worst

00:08:51that could happen? Well, then I might as well close my eyes and say like, what's the best that could happen?

00:08:55What would it feel like to start this business and to be able to crack a million dollars in a

00:08:59business? And how proud of myself would I be to break a million dollars in sales and to be able

00:09:05to build this and travel with my family and provide what I've always wanted to provide? And if I'm going

00:09:10to feel the feelings of fear, why don't I also just try on feeling the feelings of success and getting

00:09:16there? And so if we notice it's an intellectual fear, the first, the first piece that I always say is

00:09:22there's, there's, there's three pieces. There's the awareness of it. Okay. I'm aware that I'm in

00:09:26a state of fear. I need a practice to get myself out of that. Okay. If I notice myself in a state of

00:09:32fear, what's my practice to get myself out of it? Well, I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to calm

00:09:37down and, and, and take 60 breaths. And I'm going to connect back to my heart. And I'm going to ask

00:09:41myself like, what's the best thing that could happen? That's the practice to get myself out of it.

00:09:45And then the last piece is repetition. So it's awareness, it's practice, it's repetition.

00:09:49If I do it over and over and over again, eventually I start to rewire myself. So like one of the things

00:09:55that, that I found in myself years ago that I didn't like was, was that I judge people. And I

00:10:00didn't, I'm like, man, I love people. Like I love, I try to do, I try to be of service as much as I can,

00:10:04but an immediate thought that will come in my head sometimes is like judgment of somebody that I don't

00:10:08know. And I just judge them. And I was like, I don't like that pattern. I want to change this pattern

00:10:13within myself. It's awareness. I become aware of what I want to change. And the one, the first

00:10:18time I really did it, I was at a grocery store and this guy had this like Bluetooth, you know,

00:10:22like the long Bluetooth. It was like, as if he was, you know, making cold calls at an office,

00:10:26but he was at the grocery store. And immediately the first thought in my head was judgment.

00:10:31And I always say, you can't change your first thought, but you could change your second thought.

00:10:34So I noticed a judgment as a first thought, awareness. My practice that I decided for myself

00:10:39was I'm going to force myself in my head to say three things that I like about this guy.

00:10:43I paused myself in the moment. I found myself in a pattern that I don't want to be in anymore.

00:10:48What are three things that I like about this guy? And I said it, and then I went on about my day.

00:10:53And I started doing this over and over and over and over again. And one thing that I noticed is

00:10:57that my first thought started changing to less judgment and more acceptance. Because ultimately,

00:11:03that's what I really want to work on is more acceptance and loving of people and of myself.

00:11:08And so I think it's becoming aware of it. Once you're aware of the things that you're trying,

00:11:12the pattern you're trying to change, what's the practice that you're going to take yourself down?

00:11:16And then noticing that you're just going to need to do it over and over and over again.

00:11:20But one of the biggest keys is to give yourself grace as you're doing it. Because a lot of times

00:11:24we become aware, and then we judge ourselves and we beat ourselves up for it. So I think it's

00:11:29giving yourself a lot of love and grace and going, hey, I've noticed this pattern. Don't worry,

00:11:33we're going to change it. Let's go on this practice and just continuing to do that.

00:11:36Yeah, it's so well said. I think so often we get scared even of having the thought of what could

00:11:42be possible because we're scared that it can't be possible. And we just find another thing to

00:11:47be fearful of. And I love this idea of what you're saying around transforming your thoughts,

00:11:52because I've definitely, the more and more I've studied books, the more and more I've read and I've

00:11:58thought, I've discovered that all of our failure and success in life is based on our most repeated

00:12:04thought. And one of my biggest questions to most people I meet now is, what is your most repeated

00:12:09thought? And most people don't know the answer because they're not aware, in your words. And

00:12:15a lot of people who do know will say it's something like, I'm not good enough. I don't like the way I

00:12:22look. I am ugly. Whatever else it may be for them, right? And so we're either aware and it's negative

00:12:29or we're unaware because it's so subconscious. And I've started to recognize that most of the

00:12:35thoughts we have are not that different. They're the same thought that comes in a different voice,

00:12:40a different tone, a different vocabulary, a different language, but it's the same repetition.

00:12:46And so I've started to really think about what's my most repeated thought and how can I be more,

00:12:52as you are saying, how can I be more selective about it? And how can I choose it more effectively

00:12:57rather than just let it be something that's kind of just coming up?

00:13:01Yeah. And it's like, don't identify with your thoughts. You know, like one of the things that

00:13:05I don't remember where I heard it before, but the way I like to think about it, and I've heard you

00:13:10say before, even like a lot of people say like, oh, I struggle with meditating. And I've heard you say

00:13:14before where it's not about mastering your thoughts. It's not about making your thoughts go away. It's

00:13:18just becoming aware of your thoughts a little bit more because when we close our eyes, you know,

00:13:22about 60% of our brain is visual, for visual things to see. So when we close our eyes,

00:13:28it kind of turns off a lot of parts. And so thoughts usually come up and we become aware of

00:13:32those. Like one of the things that I've been doing a lot recently is like trying to be in as much

00:13:37silence as possible. Like I'm just trying to be as much silence as I possibly can, because I feel

00:13:42like that's where a lot of my awareness is and a lot of my answers come from. And so when you sit

00:13:47there and the analogy that I love, when you start thinking of your thoughts is it's like sitting on the edge

00:13:51of a mountain and down below, there's just a road going that you're looking at. And sitting on the

00:13:57edge of the mountain is like meditating or just sitting in silence and just, you know, looking at

00:14:00your thoughts and you can watch the cars go by, the thoughts that go by and not have to be attached

00:14:05to them. You don't find yourself getting sucked into the red car that just went by. You just watch

00:14:10the cars go by. And that's the way that I try to see my thoughts, which is, okay, I'm going to watch

00:14:16them go by. I'm not going to connect to them, but I can look at them and be like, is this thought,

00:14:20which, you know, about 90% of our thoughts are the same as yesterday. Is this thought helping me

00:14:25in trying to get to where I want to be in life? Or is this thought holding me back from trying to

00:14:29get to where I want to be in life? And if it's helping me, then I want to strengthen it. If it's

00:14:33not helping me, well then, hey, as that guy on the podcast said, I can't control my first thought,

00:14:37but I control my second. So what would I prefer my second thought to be?

00:14:40Yeah. I think you just hit the nail on the head. Like that's what it is for me. It's whether you've

00:14:45understood that you're not your thoughts or not, that can be quite hard for people because I think

00:14:49we're so close to them. But even if you can practice distance through meditational mindfulness,

00:14:55the real win is being able to look at a thought and say, is it good for me? Or is it not helpful?

00:14:59Like you just said, like, I think that is the wisdom of it, that can I evaluate everything that's

00:15:05repetitive in my mind and ask myself, is this useful? Is it helpful? Is it allowing me to move

00:15:11in the direction I want? Because chances are a lot of what we're saying is actually doing the

00:15:15complete opposite. And then you go, oh, wait a minute, even though it's interesting. And even

00:15:20though I could get lost in it, I don't want to waste time. And therefore I'll move in the other

00:15:24direction. You talk about procrastination in this book. And that again, going back to your earlier

00:15:30title is a block against the psychology of action. And we all have a friend, or maybe we are that friend

00:15:35that constantly puts things off. We postpone, we procrastinate, we say, I'll do it another year.

00:15:42I want to launch a podcast. Someone's been saying that for two years. There's someone listening

00:15:46right now who wants to start an Instagram page. They put it off for six months. There's someone

00:15:51listening who's like, oh, I missed out on the clubhouse thing. And then I missed out on the

00:15:54TikTok thing. And now I'm missing out on whatever the next thing is. And we procrastinate, hoping that

00:16:00one day will come. What have you learned about procrastination through your research when you

00:16:05were writing the book that has helped people break that cycle? Because it seems to apply to so many

00:16:11of our lives. I mean, the thing about it is this, if I've always, I always like to be like very extreme

00:16:16in examples, because if we can go extreme, then it makes a lot of sense. But I always tell people

00:16:19like, and I always say it like, hey, I've given this when I used to give a lot of speeches, I would be in

00:16:25front of people and say, hey, what's the chance of you making a million dollars this year? Give me,

00:16:29give me numbers. And everyone's like 0%, 0%, 0%, 1%. There's always 1%. It's like five. And that's

00:16:34like the most it'll get to. And I said, okay, I'm gonna give you the most extreme example, but I just

00:16:38want to see what happens. Okay. What's the percentage chance of you making a million dollars this year

00:16:43legally? And if you don't, everyone that you love dies. And everyone's like 100%, 100%, 1000%,

00:16:491000%. I said, what changed? The goal didn't change. The timeframe didn't change. Why you're doing it

00:16:55changed? Would you wake up in the morning? If everyone that you loves life depended on it and

00:17:00be like, yeah, well, maybe I should scroll on TikTok for a little while. No, you'd be like,

00:17:04I'm going to take action immediately. And so it doesn't need to be like a fear of losing everybody.

00:17:08But what's really behind that is like, why? Like why they're doing it? Like if I have a reflection

00:17:14of anyone who doesn't know Jay, like you're one of the hardest working people I've ever met,

00:17:18but you have a really strong why. Right. And that's like one of the best parts about it,

00:17:22where it's like, when I see Jay, I'm like, this guy has, he has this internal feeling of like,

00:17:26I want to change the world. And you work so hard trying to do it. And that's one of the most

00:17:31beautiful things about you is like, you are wanting to change the world and you have a really

00:17:35strong why to it. And I think that if most people could figure out like, oh yeah, well, I want to

00:17:39do this thing. Why do you want to do it? And my, my very first one-on-one coach used to say to me,

00:17:46he would say, what's your why? What's your why? Why are you doing this? Why are you doing this? He was like,

00:17:49hammer it home in my head. And I was like, why do you ask this so much? And he would always say,

00:17:54cause if your why is strong enough, your how will reveal itself. If you know why you want to do

00:18:00something, how it's going to be done, you'll figure out. It doesn't matter. Things are going to get in

00:18:05your way. There's going to be obstacles. There's always going to be obstacles. There's always going

00:18:08to be challenges. There's always going to be moments of like, I don't know if I can do this,

00:18:11but if your why is so strong, it's like, I don't care what comes up in front of me. I'm going to get it

00:18:16done. Like most people, they want to be motivated. And I have come to hate the word motivation because

00:18:23motivation is so fleeting. Like we can wake up and we can listen to a podcast. We're going to get,

00:18:28you know, read something and be motivated. And then something can happen to us and it's gone.

00:18:32It just disappears. What I want to be is I want to be driven. Like when you see a driven person,

00:18:37like you see it in their eyes, like, yeah, they're not stopping. And the difference between a

00:18:42motivated person, a driven person is that the driven person has this why that they want to see

00:18:48have happened in the world or in their life or for their family. And so I think if people are like,

00:18:53I want to accomplish this goal, the very next question is why? And then go why, why, why,

00:18:59why, why, and go deeper into it. An example I give in the book is I had a coaching client years ago,

00:19:04like eight, nine years ago. And he was like, Rob, I want to make a hundred thousand dollars this year.

00:19:08I've never made it. And I was like, why? And I took him through what's called seven levels of why.

00:19:12I just keep asking why, why, why, why, why? And it went from, I want to make a hundred thousand

00:19:17dollars a year because I've never done it before to the eventual thing was he had just got into a

00:19:22divorce a couple of years ago. Both of his young children lived in a bad part of town with his

00:19:27ex-wife. He wanted to regain custody because he was afraid that both of his children would be killed

00:19:32in a drive by. And he was so terrified of it that that was his actual true why. And so it wasn't

00:19:39the motivation. I didn't have to talk to him and say, Hey, you know, how close you'd make a hundred

00:19:43thousand dollars this year. I said, Hey, how close you to providing more safety for your children this

00:19:47year? Cause he wanted them to move in with him. He wanted to be able to provide for them and to make

00:19:50sure that they were safe. And so I think that if we just ask ourself, why do I truly want to

00:19:55accomplish this goal? It kind of reveals itself and it makes it a lot easier to take the action.

00:19:59Yeah, for sure. I mean, I, you know, and I appreciate all the kind words, but I can definitely

00:20:04say the only thing that's kept me going is my why, because I think there are so many things that

00:20:09either make you want to give up or slow down or become lazy or complacent. And when I look at it and

00:20:15someone asked me this, I was sitting with an, with another creator end of last year. And he was just

00:20:20like to me, Jay, why do you even do anything anymore? Like, what's the point? Like, it seems like

00:20:24you're good. Like, why do you need to do anything? And I was like, we've just got to the start of

00:20:29everything. Like I just got to the beginning of where I need to be. I was like, we've just

00:20:34got to a point where we can connect with lots of people, but we need to give people the step-by-step

00:20:39process to transform their life. And now we can take them on the journey because people

00:20:44are listening. They're engaged. We have a community. We have a connection with people. But when I

00:20:49started out, we didn't have any of that. So I see it as we just got to the start of where

00:20:53I want to be because, and it was just interesting to me that so many people struggle to find their

00:20:59why. And I think it's because we don't, no one's, and you just said your coach helped

00:21:05you do it. It was the same with me, my art teacher at, from age 11 to age 18, he was my

00:21:10art teacher at school. And every time I'd paint something or draw something or do a collage

00:21:15or a graphic design. And whatever I do, the first question he'd ask me is, why did you do

00:21:19it? And I'd be like, because my initial response is because it looks good. Like that, you know,

00:21:23as a kid, what do I know? And he'd be like, every year he'd be like, why did you do it?

00:21:27And I'd be like, oh, because this color matches with this color. And then be like, why do you

00:21:30do it? And I'm like, oh, because it reveals the metaphor that I think this is about. And

00:21:35then he'd be like, why did you do it? And I'm like, because that's how I'm feeling right

00:21:38now. I'm trying to, and every year he would ask me, he would reveal more and more layers

00:21:42of my psyche in a similar way. And again, I've owed it to someone in my life who pushed

00:21:48me to ask the question, why? Same as you. And so I think what we're both saying is,

00:21:52please ask that question to yourself. But what if someone asks that question and they

00:21:55feel stuck and they kind of go, I've asked it, but it's kind of just like, I just want

00:21:59a nice house. Like I just want a nice car. I just, I just kind of want to, you know, like

00:22:04it's not that deep. And I think you're right. Like you said, we don't have a lot of primal

00:22:07fears. Like some people are listening right now will have fears of survival and that is

00:22:11driving them and they are working hard and they are pushing. And at the same time, we'll have

00:22:15people who like driven, but they're like, I'm not driven enough because I haven't got

00:22:19anything to be that scared about or that worried about what, how did that person discover their

00:22:24wife? Yeah. I think for me, it's like, my life was never terrible or, you know, like when

00:22:30I, when I started the, yeah, when I started the podcast, the mindset mentor, like I was

00:22:34at a point in my life where I was making a whole bunch of money and I was 27 years old

00:22:38and I was making 250 grand a year and I was working from home and everything was great.

00:22:42But I felt like I was slowly withering away and I could see what the future was going

00:22:49to be while I was there. And I said, okay, if I do this for another five years and I'm

00:22:5432 years old and I'm still doing this or I have my manager's job, is that going to fulfill

00:22:59me? And it actually gave me more anxiety to think about having my manager's job. And

00:23:04then I sat there and I thought, okay, well, like I really want to do this podcasting thing.

00:23:08It seems to be going pretty well. I want to coach people. I want to help people.

00:23:10And, um, I also at the same time was like starting an Amazon business and trying to

00:23:15make money online and do that. And so I thought about it and I asked myself, okay, if I fast

00:23:19forward five years from today, do I want to be the person that's in sales management,

00:23:23like I'm doing now and consulting? Do I want to be the guy that's selling stuff on Amazon

00:23:27and, you know, incredible Amazon business person, or do I want to be the guy that's coaching

00:23:31people and helping people change their lives? And the immediate answer was very clear, coaching

00:23:36people and changing their lives. And I was like, okay, well that feels like it's the

00:23:39path. And then immediately comes up is all kinds of fear. Cause I don't know what I'm

00:23:44doing. Like back in the day, 2015, nobody made any money in podcasts. I didn't have any

00:23:48idea of how to grow a business, any of that type of stuff. But what was important to me

00:23:52was number one, when I fast forwarded into the future, the futures that I didn't want

00:23:56seemed way more painful than trying the unknown and what could be if I did take the path.

00:24:03And so that was, that became more of a fear, like the fear of judgment, the fear of putting

00:24:07myself out there, other people's opinions. It was there. It's still there. And I don't know if

00:24:11you ever get past it, but you just kind of get more used to it. But the fear of being in the exact

00:24:15same position, working the same job, maybe making a little bit more money doing this

00:24:19for every day until the day I die was terrifying. That was, that was a fear. And I was like, well,

00:24:26then this path of the unknown isn't as scary. And so I might as well take this path of the unknown

00:24:31and I'll be fully transparent. There was, um, I shared this on, uh, like one other time, I think

00:24:38there was a moment in 2015 where, uh, I started the podcast in August of 2015, November of 2015,

00:24:46I was feeling like a whole lot of fear. And I was like, I might have to go back and work for someone

00:24:51else again. And it was just, fear was so in my head. And I was like, I gotta go back to making money.

00:24:55I got a new house. I got a mortgage. I don't know how I'm going to do this. I'm not making any money

00:24:58doing this. My sister came out to me and I believe, you know, if you're silent, the messages are always

00:25:03there. If you're looking, the messages are always there. My sister, I was at her house. Um, and she

00:25:07goes, Hey, have you ever seen this box of dad's stuff? And I was like, no. And she brought it. My,

00:25:11my father was an alcoholic. He passed away when I was 15 from his alcoholism. And she brought out this

00:25:16box and it was like his glasses. It was a t-shirt of his. Um, it was his watch. And the other things

00:25:23were a bunch of letters. My dad was in jail for a little while, uh, for multiple DUIs and they put

00:25:27him in jail and he would write letters to us. And, um, and he wrote a letter to my sister on her 19th

00:25:34birthday. And I was reading this, you know, 2015. So he would have wrote it to her in 1999. And the

00:25:40very last line was, I hope you live your life with courage, love, and laughter. And I read it and it

00:25:46was like the universe warped. And I was like, Oh, he wrote this for me. Like there was a moment

00:25:54where I was like, he wrote this to my sister, but the universe is giving this message through my dad

00:26:00because I need to hear this right now. Cause I'm in so much fear. And the very first line is courage.

00:26:04Live your life with courage, love, and laughter. And I was like, I got to commit. Like I, I, this has to

00:26:10be the thing. I've got to make a decision. And when you look at the root word of decision,

00:26:13it's decadaria, which means to cut off, I'm going to cut off all other options. You know,

00:26:18I'd heard like Will Smith say, there's no reason to have plan B because it distracts from plan A.

00:26:21Like it's gotta be the thing. And I was like, Oh my God, I got to commit to this thing. I can't

00:26:25have any more feelings of like, I'm going to go back to working for someone else. Like, this is my

00:26:29life path. I'm either going to succeed or I'm going to die trying. And I was like, I don't know what

00:26:34to do. I was like, I'm going to get this tattooed in my arm. So I literally have, you live your life

00:26:38with courage, love, and laughter tattooed in my arm. My very first tattoo I ever got, but it was like, for me,

00:26:42people always think like, when you make a decision, the fear disappears. Like, I wish that I could do

00:26:46these things, but it's like, it's always there, but you've got to learn that like, the fear is

00:26:50always going to be there. But my bigger fear is getting to the end of my life and having not done

00:26:56this, having not tried to help people, you know, like being in the room with, with my father after

00:27:02he passed away, when I was 15 years old and realizing, cause he was the first person I ever met

00:27:05that passed away. I'm going to be there one day. And I saw it. I was like, oh yeah, that's,

00:27:13I'm going to, he, he was a dreamer and he was an amazing person, but he didn't do what he wanted

00:27:17to do. I am not going to live that life. I'm going to create what I want to create. And now I have all

00:27:23of the other fears that everyone else has, but my biggest fear is getting to the end of my life and

00:27:27not having tried or not having at least gone for it.

00:27:29Yeah. That's a, I love hearing that. And you've reminded me of a great speech that Jim Carrey

00:27:36gave funnily enough. And he talked about how his dad, I believe his dad, and I could be getting

00:27:41this wrong, but he said that his dad was an accountant and he did that to be safe. And he

00:27:46said that when he was young, his dad got made redundant from his safe job. Jim Carrey said that

00:27:53in life, you are probably going to fail at something you don't love. So you might as well try something

00:27:59you do love, right? Like this idea that I'm choosing the safe option, or I'm choosing something

00:28:04that my parents thought my family wanted, or I'm choosing something I think is secure. Even that's

00:28:09unstable and uncertain. And so the uncertainty that you pursue actually is less fearful because you're

00:28:16on top of it. You're aware. And I think that's, that's one of the biggest habits that I think has

00:28:20changed my life is that I stopped believing and accepting that I would get to a place where I no longer

00:28:29had to use my brain. Right? Like, I think we all believe subconsciously somewhere that there's a

00:28:35paycheck, there's a bank balance, there's a home, there's a fashion, there's a partner. That means

00:28:44from that point on, I don't have to think about anything. It's all good. Everything's perfect.

00:28:48All good. Right. And my, I'd say my best habit in life is recognizing that that is the biggest myth

00:28:54that we've been sold. And I just don't accept it. And I'm okay that my life requires constant work

00:29:01ethic and effort and awareness and being astute and being conscious, because that is what's actually

00:29:08being demanded by this world. A uncertain world forces you to be conscious. Yeah.

00:29:14But if you're unconscious in an uncertain world, that's leading to a really dangerous place.

00:29:20Sure. And, but I think we're waiting for that moment where we can just not be conscious because

00:29:24it's so much hard work. But to your point, it's way harder work being unconscious. Oh yeah.

00:29:29Because the amount of unconscious issues that arise are numerous. I think there's like a lot of wisdom

00:29:35in what you said, because a lot of people would rather just be like, well, let me get to this

00:29:40destination. Once I'm there, everything becomes better. Hey, I want that too. I do too. Right.

00:29:45And I thought that for a long time. And, and it's interesting that the journey that I've had is,

00:29:49you know, I always wanted to make money because I thought money was going to give me what I needed.

00:29:55It would give me that safety and security that I never felt as a child. And then I got to a goal

00:30:00that I wanted to get to. And I realized I feel exactly the same as I've always felt. I don't feel any

00:30:05different. I don't feel any more secure. I don't feel any happier. I don't feel any more loved.

00:30:09And what I realized was I thought that the achievement, the recognition from other people,

00:30:14the money in my bank account, the buying cool stuff would fill, what I actually thought was,

00:30:18and consciously now know, is I thought that all of those things would fill a void that was inside

00:30:23of me. And what I realized is what I was searching for from the external world is actually what I was

00:30:28searching for for myself. And so the reason why I spend so much time in silence nowadays, I'll just go

00:30:33out of my porch and I'll just sit there for a couple hours is because I'm trying to fill

00:30:39the void that I have created through life and through patterns and through heartbreaks and through

00:30:45all of the things that happened in my childhood. And I'm trying to be there as the 38 year old man

00:30:52for the nine year old boy that's still healing. And what I've realized is that none of the material

00:30:57things, anything externally will ever give me what I was ever searching for. Everything I've always

00:31:02searched for in the external was what I've been searching for, for myself. And so I don't, I

00:31:06100% agree with you. I don't think there's any destination we ever get to. I think I'm constantly

00:31:10going to overcome more things every single day. And you know, if I lived to a hundred, I would be so

00:31:16lucky and another 62 more years, I don't expect that I'm going to get to the end of my life and be like,

00:31:20I got, I figured it out. I think the beautiful thing part of part about is I think that I was

00:31:24given this, this need for achievement to realize that it doesn't change anything because the path

00:31:32of wanting to achieve and doing it through business and doing it through growing and all that stuff

00:31:37has actually lit up inside of me, um, a spiritual journey that wouldn't have been there had I not

00:31:45wanted to go for those things. Yeah, absolutely. I heard this, uh, you reminded me of this story

00:31:52that's told about Benjamin Franklin and Benjamin Franklin had 13 virtues and these were all qualities

00:31:58that he aspired to develop in his life, simplicity, authenticity, patience, things like that. And when

00:32:06he was on his deathbed, they asked him which one he didn't accomplish. And he said it was the 13th one.

00:32:12And they said, what was that? And he said, humility. And I love that because I think what

00:32:17you're saying is humility doesn't mean you're meek or weak. It means I'm able to accept there's

00:32:23always more to learn. I don't know everything and it's okay. I'm going to give myself grace for it too.

00:32:30It isn't a feeling of I'm useless because I don't know. It's actually, I'll become more useful if I

00:32:35recognize there are things that I still have to learn. And, and when I'm listening to you about your

00:32:41spiritual journey and that silence, I'm intrigued by that, walk us through how you fill that void

00:32:49almost practice wise, because I, I identify with that fully. And it's funny because we always

00:32:55talked about how our lives were kind of opposite. Cause when I met you, I'd kind of gone down this

00:32:59deep spiritual path, but I had no money and you were in the other boat where you had, you had sustained

00:33:06yourself financially and create a really good stable place for yourself, but you were seeking

00:33:10spiritually. And so we're kind of at, right. Right. We had that conversation. Yeah. And let's

00:33:14talk about that too. But I'm intrigued as to how does that couple of hours or whatever that time on

00:33:18your porch, like, how do you do that for people? Because I think we, we like the sound of that,

00:33:23but then we get distracted by the next thing. What I've come to find, and I can speak within myself

00:33:28and just what I've seen from other people, but what I've seen within myself is that I've learned a lot of

00:33:33lessons from my dad. Um, most of them after his death and me processing things, my father was the

00:33:40way that he was. And he became an alcoholic because he had things in his past that he hadn't worked

00:33:45through. And the thing that, that he hadn't worked through is when he was 12 years old, my father heard

00:33:51a gunshot. He walked into the room and his dad had just shot himself in the mouth with a shotgun.

00:33:55And so my dad grew up in rural Tennessee. This is 19, you know, sixties when this happened,

00:34:0119, yeah, 1960s, when this happened, there wasn't a whole lot for him to understand it.

00:34:05There weren't podcasts. There weren't books to read like we have nowadays. And so I, I always

00:34:10consciously knew that the, what was happening was that he had not healed his pain. And Gabor Mate says,

00:34:17don't ask why the trauma, ask why the pain. And when I first heard Gabor Mate, I was like,

00:34:21oh my God, someone's finally saying what I always thought with my father. And so, you know,

00:34:27we can look at him and say, oh yeah, he's an alcoholic and he didn't overcome his trauma.

00:34:30The trauma, the way it came up in my life is I became a workaholic. And so I didn't, you know,

00:34:36sometimes we could see someone and say, oh, they drink too much alcohol. They do too much drugs.

00:34:40They eat too much food. They, and we can say, oh yeah, that's their, their addiction.

00:34:45The problem in the hard thing in our society is that my addiction of workaholic is rewarded.

00:34:52And people look up to it and they're like, you're doing so great. You're making so much money.

00:34:55All of this is so good. And what I came to find is that my workaholism was just basically

00:35:01me trying to not feel my feelings and to, to not work through and process those things.

00:35:07You know, like scrolling on social media, it could be that way for somebody. It could be

00:35:12some people are addicted to working out. Some people are addicted to, you know,

00:35:15watching TV and there's so many, some people addicted to shopping. There's so many different

00:35:18addictions that we have. And what I found is that the hardest thing for me was to stop

00:35:26and to just not have to, I was always trying to fill every single moment of my day. I always try

00:35:30to be so busy when I didn't have something to do, I'd find something to do in my business.

00:35:34Businesses, you can always work all day, every day. And so what I've tried to do and I've, I've built

00:35:39in my business is a lot of systems and processes through my, my VP of operations has really helped me

00:35:44with this a ton to be able to take a lot of stuff off my plate so that I have more time to just be.

00:35:50It's my personal belief that I think that God, the universe, life, whatever it is, speaks in silence.

00:35:57And so if I want those messages, I need to be silent. What I found for myself is when I would

00:36:00be silent, a lot of anxiety would come up and I'd be like, you got to go to the next thing.

00:36:04You got to go to the next thing. This is stupid. You should be doing something else.

00:36:08And then I just realized that what I was trying to do is achieve to fill a void, but I could sit here

00:36:12and there's been moments where I'll sit on my porch and I'll literally just start crying.

00:36:19And I'm like, sometimes it's gratitude. Oh my God, I can't believe I've been given this life.

00:36:23I can't believe I've had these challenges. I can't believe that I've had this come up.

00:36:26I'm so grateful for every single aspect of it. And sometimes I just sit there and tear up and I'm

00:36:30like, I don't know what this is, but this is something my body's releasing and I need to be okay

00:36:36with this releasing process. Um, you know, there's, there's a really interesting thing that,

00:36:40that people could look at. There's two videos that are really interesting on, um, on YouTube.

00:36:44One of them is called, uh, polar bear trauma, where they show a video of a polar bear and they,

00:36:49they shoot it with a tranquilizer gun from a helicopter. They chase it down the helicopter,

00:36:53really heightened experience. They shoot it with a tranquilizer gun. So it's still awake,

00:36:57but it's not, you know, completely out. And it starts having a convulsion, starts seizureing.

00:37:01And eventually after it seizures, it's what it's doing is it's releasing all of the cortisol,

00:37:05all of the adrenaline from its body so that there's no trauma that comes with it. And so

00:37:10then it goes after it's shaken for a while, it takes a really deep breath and it just kind of

00:37:15calms down. Almost identical video of a impala that gets attacked by a jaguar and the jaguar gets

00:37:21scared off. It starts to convulse, it takes a deep breath and then it moves it. And we're taught in

00:37:28our lives at some point in time, not to remove this and to work through these traumas and these feelings.

00:37:33I think children naturally do it through like temper tantrums. They move it. And sometimes

00:37:37as adults, we either need to have like an adult temper tantrum in safety, where you just take a

00:37:42pillow and you can be angry. You could be mad. You could just scream, you can cuss, you can smash

00:37:47it against the bed, whatever it is in safety by yourself without other people around. So you don't

00:37:51scare them as well. And then sometimes it's also just like sitting there in silence and realizing that

00:37:57what is coming is going. It's like when you squeeze an orange, what's inside of it, orange juice,

00:38:01because that's what's in it, right? When you sit there and you put pressure on yourself or you give

00:38:04yourself space, what's coming out is actually what's inside and your body's natural intelligence

00:38:09is trying to let go of it. And so for me, that's what I found is that there's some moments where

00:38:13I'm just like incredibly grateful. There's some moments where I, by doing nothing, Jay, I get so

00:38:18much anxiety and I'm like, what is this? Why? And instead of running from it, I get curious. And I think if we

00:38:24could just get more curious, like I've been reading a whole lot of Krishnamurti recently,

00:38:30I love Krishnamurti. And one thing he says is don't know yourself because knowing is based in

00:38:35the past and past is based off of memories. Start learning yourself, which is in the present moment.

00:38:40So be present and be like, what comes up? How can I be curious about this anxious feeling or these tears

00:38:45or whatever it is? And just be in the space to just know yourself or get to know yourself a little bit

00:38:51better. Yeah. It's so great. I mean, talking about that, that goes to me back to what we were

00:38:56talking about at the start of it. You were saying how this idea of, well, what if the worst thing

00:39:02happens? What if the best thing happens? And we're talking about this idea of Jim Carrey and you were

00:39:05saying that there's this experience of, well, I lost who Jim Carrey was. And what we've both talked

00:39:12about is we are so much of what our thoughts are. And therefore, if you change the thoughts completely,

00:39:17you're almost a completely different human. Sure. So then who are we? Right.

00:39:21Comes back to this know thyself versus learning of thyself. Like what has that spiritual journey

00:39:26taken you on to understanding identity? I mean, God, Jay, that's like as deep as it could go.

00:39:33That I'm just, I am just a soul that chose this life. And one of the things that I like to do is I

00:39:41like to think that I chose this life. And that immediately takes me from being a victim in my

00:39:48life. Oh, what was me? My father was this way. He did this to me. My mom did this to me. And

00:39:53my teachers acted this way versus me going like, I think my soul chose this life because this is

00:39:59whatever is needed for this path that it's on for, you know, whether it's reincarnation or whether it's

00:40:05heaven or hell or whatever it is that comes after this. I don't know, but I do know like right now,

00:40:09I do have this life as Rob Dial. And as I get older, the thing I realized is that my body changes.

00:40:15I'm not as fast as I used to be. I'm a lot more sore than I used to be. Like my body's changing,

00:40:19but my soul is this thing that is just always there. And so the thing that I've, that I've come

00:40:25to realize is that I want to, I don't know if it's going to sound weird. Like I want to unattach myself

00:40:31from this body, from everything around me. And I want to try to connect back to what's internally

00:40:36inside of me. And the one thing that I find is that that never changes like that. There's like a,

00:40:43a truth that's behind that. And truth is the thing that, that never changes. If something changes,

00:40:48or if something could be questioned, it's not true. But there's this feeling that feels like

00:40:52truth inside of me, at least. And everybody has their own truth. But for me, my truth is there's

00:40:57something that's behind all of it. And the more that I connect to it, the more peace that I have.

00:41:03Like I listened to a lot of Ram Dass. And one of the things that he said, I was listening to him on

00:41:08the drive over here. And I listened to this meditation every day is the only work that you

00:41:12have to do is the connection to your own heart. And so I'm always constantly thinking what's in the

00:41:19way of my own heart, what, what material possessions, what things that I want to get are in the way of

00:41:25that. And the reason why I think that it helps is number one, I've, I've had so much more peace

00:41:29peace from trying to connect to that. And my relationship with my wife has been so much

00:41:35better because of it, because I'm not blocking her from letting her in. She's experiencing me fully.

00:41:41She's, she starts to be able to open up even more in different ways. I'd be able to experience her

00:41:46more fully. And so for me, it's just like connecting to the thing that's behind it, that feels like the

00:41:51only thing that's truth. Now, mind you, if, if Rob, 15 years ago had heard this, he'd be like,

00:41:56what the hell is that guy talking about? It would make no sense. But on this journey, I've just,

00:42:01I've just kind of realized that there's something behind it all. And I want to try to connect that

00:42:05something behind it all and see what it is. And so for me, it's like, I, I, I like to use myself

00:42:09as a Guinea pig. Everything I teach in the mindset mentor and the podcast is all stuff that I'm trying

00:42:14within myself. And I, I use it as almost my own therapy sessions where I'm talking to everybody,

00:42:18but I'm talking to myself. I'm reminding myself of all these things. And, um, what I realized is I,

00:42:23I realized that after 15, 19 years of personal development, it's like, you know, personal

00:42:29development, it's like this, this, this cup right here. And I feel like my cup and personal

00:42:32development was overflowing. And then I found spiritual development and I realized, oh my

00:42:37God, it's a lot bigger cup. And it's not even close to being full. Like it's a bucket and it needs,

00:42:42it's my next thing that I'm working on. So for me, it's like the mindset, the working through,

00:42:46like I'm constantly working on this and trying to get better. But for me, it's like, I want to connect

00:42:49to myself and see what else is in there. Yeah, for sure. Thank you for sharing that.

00:42:53I mean, you made me remember a CS Lewis statement that says, you don't have a soul,

00:43:01you are the soul and you have a body. And I remember I used to have that written on

00:43:06a little post-it note and I used to look at it every day, first thing in the morning,

00:43:10because I was thinking about this concept of identity that the first thing 99% of us do when

00:43:16we wake up first thing in the morning is we look in the mirror. Usually we say something like,

00:43:22oh, I look tired or don't like that spot or God, I put on weight, God, whatever it is, right? Now,

00:43:29all of a sudden we're already in the bodily concept of life, this bodily consciousness.

00:43:35And now you live your whole day thinking about the body. What does the body need? The body needs food,

00:43:40et cetera. And so, and that's natural. Like that's not unnatural. That's normal. Like I do that too.

00:43:47But then you're saying that at the same time, you've got to nurture and nourish and connect

00:43:53with this deeper sense. How do you balance the two in a real world where you have responsibilities,

00:43:58you have bills, you have things to do that are connected to the body. But then at the same time,

00:44:03we're like, but you're not this body. So how, how do you balance? How do you make sense of

00:44:07these two seemingly opposite pursuits? Yeah. I mean, I'm the, the thing that I, that I think I would

00:44:13have thought five or 10 years ago was that the more that I get into spiritual development,

00:44:17the less motivated I'll become or the most, the less I will want to achieve. That hasn't gone away

00:44:22in any sort of way. But what I have found is that I achieve through a place of, of

00:44:31it's more like I'm not white knuckling my way through life anymore. I'm not, I can take action and not be so

00:44:37wrapped up in my fears and my limiting beliefs. And so it's not like you, I'm, I'm in the world

00:44:43and of the world at the same time where it's like, the soul is here and I get, as I'm speaking to you,

00:44:48everything that I say is also something that I struggle with every single day. I have not

00:44:51mastered this process. There'll be times where I find myself just so in the world and I'm just like

00:44:57stressed. There's things happening. There's this business where there's all of this, you know,

00:45:01we've got employees, we're hiring people, there's stuff happening. And then I just take a step back and I'm like,

00:45:05it's just, it's just like a, kind of like a game. Like, take a second. Like that's, it's all real.

00:45:11That's it's, I'm not saying that it's not true. It's not reality. It's not in front of you. It's

00:45:15all there, but behind it all, if I can connect to like a deeper sense that's within me and in the,

00:45:22the soul that I feel is in there, I'm like, Hey man, chill out for a second. Like, it's really not

00:45:28that big of a deal, right? Most things, you know, there are, there are definitely some things that are

00:45:32big deals in people's lives and there's deaths and there's, there's things that people have to,

00:45:36you know, be in control of and be able to pay bills and all that stuff. All of those are real

00:45:40and they're definitely necessary, but behind it all, you're still there. And there's this thing

00:45:45that if I can take myself back and kind of like out of my own head and kind of into my heart,

00:45:52which has been a big journey for me because I was, I'm so analytical and was never really taught

00:45:57like feelings and how to feel and process emotions. But if I can take myself out of my

00:46:00head and into my heart, what I've always found is that my head is always projecting itself into

00:46:05the future or sometimes projecting itself into the past. But most for me, like if I sit down to

00:46:09meditate, sometimes it's like all of my to-do list, all of the things that I have to do,

00:46:13and it's projecting itself into the future. So my brain is always somewhere else. My body,

00:46:19it's always here. And so when I notice myself get stressed, I notice myself get anxious,

00:46:23I notice myself, whatever feelings I might be feeling, if I can take a couple of deep breaths

00:46:28and kind of get back into my body, I'm like, it's not that bad. Like you'll fit you, you have

00:46:33overcome so many things in your life. You'll figure out a way to get through it. And so what I've found

00:46:38is that it's not that I don't take the action. It's not that I'm not wanting to achieve more and

00:46:43more things and be able to have more fun and have more, do all of this stuff in the external world.

00:46:47But when I find myself kind of take a step back and kind of be in my heart is it makes it a lot

00:46:52easier. I'm not like white knuckling and forcing my way through life. It's almost like I'm allowing

00:46:57life to happen through me. And I don't know how it works and I don't pretend to be smart enough,

00:47:03but things start happening around me that help me in the process of getting to wherever it is that

00:47:10I actually want to truly go. Yeah. There's this really interesting thing in Eastern traditions.

00:47:16There's obviously this idea of oneness and that everything's one. And then there's this idea of

00:47:23duality that there's this side and then there's this side. And one teaching that I've really

00:47:30connected with is this idea of simultaneously one and different. And it sounds complex,

00:47:38but it's actually not. It's this idea that this feels real and it can be real and it is real.

00:47:43And at the same time, there is a greater reality. So rather than this feeling of everything's one,

00:47:47everything's the same, or it's disconnected. There's real and fake. It's actually this idea

00:47:53that a lot of things are real, but they're not the full picture. So the idea that today in LA,

00:47:57it's like saying the weather's rainy and cloudy, but that's not the weather everywhere. So it's my

00:48:03current reality, but it's not reality across the whole world. And when you start looking at life in

00:48:09that way of there's this reality and then there's this bigger reality, I think that's that zoom out.

00:48:15That's that. Let me take a breath. That's that. Let me look at the inner world as well. And I think

00:48:20what it does is it gives you a certain grace and it gives you a certain detachment, disconnection,

00:48:26but also a recognition of the significance of what you do and the insignificance of it.

00:48:32Right. And both are so needed. I believe what I do is significant. And at the same time,

00:48:38it's totally insignificant. We won't be remembered in a thousand years.

00:48:41And it's so okay. But we take it so seriously. And if you only do one or the other, like if I

00:48:47only see my life as extremely significant, everything's too high pressure. Oh my gosh,

00:48:52I would, it would hurt me and it would cause me pain if I thought everything I did was of utmost

00:48:58significance. And if I thought my life was insignificant, if I thought my life was irrelevant,

00:49:03that would be really bad for my self-esteem. I wouldn't be able to function. And so I think

00:49:08it's really interesting because the more and more I'm learning, I'm like, I have to learn how to hold

00:49:13these two seemingly opposite things, but actually they're so connected and symbiotic and they're so

00:49:18synchronous because they both have value. Going back to which thought has value, the collective thought

00:49:27of my life is significant and insignificant is the most helpful thought. Because thinking

00:49:32I'm significant and insignificant are both unhelpful thoughts. Oh my God. That's,

00:49:35you actually just summarized perfectly what I feel like actually has been going through my head for

00:49:39years, which is what I do, I do believe is so important. And at the same time, I'm like, none of

00:49:47it matters, right? It's this weird duality that we live in, but it's so freeing because it takes so much

00:49:53pressure off where it just becomes like fun. Like it's, how can I bring more fun into life? Like

00:49:59when did we lose the joy of life and the fun of life that we had as children? When was it programmed

00:50:05out of us? And how can I connect to that child and bring that spirit back in and be like, yeah,

00:50:09I'm going to do some amazing things in the world, but without it being stressful, just with it being

00:50:14fun and with it being something that I can do in it, and it effortlessly flows out of me. Like,

00:50:19I believe that every single person is incredibly creative and we are, we are creators at the actual

00:50:26core of us. And a lot of us have lost it and I lost it for years. And so what I think is how can

00:50:32I make the creativity flow out of me in some sort of way and just allow the space for it to happen?

00:50:38And one of the things that happens, and it's not necessarily my, my goal of it, but when I sit in

00:50:43silence, I get ideas that come through and I'm like, oh man, I don't know how I didn't see this.

00:50:49And that's where they all are. So it's like, a lot of times we're trying to force things to

00:50:52happen. We're trying to force creativity, trying to force ideas. But sometimes when I get there,

00:50:55I'm like, oh man, yeah, this is the thing I've been searching for. And it's just,

00:51:00I think every person just needs to give themselves just a little bit more space

00:51:03to not be on their phone, to not be constantly, you know, and I, a lot of people have children,

00:51:08their children are up. Can you wake up a little bit earlier, not be on your phone and just

00:51:12sit in silence and see what comes up. And, and I think that it's really important for people

00:51:16because, um, what you'll notice is exactly what you're saying, which is what we do. Like this

00:51:22life is so important, but it is very insignificant and that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that.

00:51:27Like I've, I love watching videos on YouTube about how small the earth is compared to the

00:51:31rest of the universe. And it stresses my wife out. She's like, I'm going to have a panic attack.

00:51:36Why, why do you watch this? Because I was like, I like to remind myself that even though it's all

00:51:41happening and I'm in it, none of it actually truly matters. Yeah. And that's okay. Absolutely.

00:51:46And I think when I'm listening to you, there's this feeling that, you know, I feel like I agree

00:51:51with you. I think everyone is a creator. I do believe that creativity flows when we connect with

00:51:56that. But I think sometimes we feel so distracted from it and it's so much easier to pull out our

00:52:01phone. It's so much easier to put on a show in the background. It's so much easier to do all of

00:52:06these. It's so much easier to do all those things at the same time. Like now we're no longer ever

00:52:10with one person. We're with one person. We're both on our phones and we're watching a show at the

00:52:16same time. And we've got our laptops doing work. So you've literally got three screens in front of

00:52:21you, five screens in total. And there's, there's so much distraction, right? We know that.

00:52:28How does a person possibly, and I say this out of like compassion and empathy, because it's like,

00:52:33it requires so much from us because everything around us is built for distraction. The foods

00:52:39we're eating, the, the things we drink and consume, the, the stuff that's created around us, it's all

00:52:44to distract. So you're fighting like almost what feels to a lot of people like a losing battle.

00:52:50Right. What do you do to get, pick yourself back up?

00:52:52I mean, what's more, what's, what's more important than that? You know, like what's more important than

00:52:57connecting to your true self to working on yourself? Like I, why do I like, why am I so

00:53:03hardcore in mindset? Cause I know how many people are so wrapped up in my, in their mindset and

00:53:07their thoughts and their beliefs and their patterns that they're stuck in.

00:53:11And what ultimately we all want, I think is, is freedom. And the way to get through to that freedom

00:53:17is to work on yourself, whatever that looks like for whatever stage someone is in, you know, and, and

00:53:22I can have, uh, empathy for every person at every stage. Cause I've been through so many stages of,

00:53:28of my process. And, um, I think that it comes back to like, why are you doing it? What do you want?

00:53:34If, if you're trying to disconnect from your phone, why, you know, like for me, like I, I recently

00:53:40deleted Instagram from my phone. I did it last year for a month, felt like it was amazing. The book came

00:53:45out and I was like, I gotta get back on. I gotta promote. I gotta make sure things are good.

00:53:49I recently just deleted it again. And now everything that, that I post, everything flows

00:53:53through my team. So I'm sounding like it's just gone. It's just, now I just happened to,

00:53:57to flow. Everything flows to my team. Why did I do that though? Was because I don't want to live

00:54:04my life on that phone. And that one thing that I noticed is that Instagram was one of the things

00:54:09where I would pick it up and I would just somehow get to it. And I wasn't even thinking about getting

00:54:15to it. And I was like, my life is not this little tiny thing. My life is everything that's out here.

00:54:22And so why do I want to get, why did I delete it? Was because I actually want to be in everything.

00:54:27I want to be present with my wife. When we have children, I want to be present with our children.

00:54:32I want to be the most present version of myself as I possibly can. And I can't imagine

00:54:36that I'll get to the end of my life, be a hundred years old and be like, I wish I would have spent more

00:54:40time on Instagram. I wish I would have spent more time watching Netflix, you know, and I have, I've,

00:54:46I've been addicted to all of those things. I'm not, you know, uh, above any of this stuff,

00:54:51but I started looking at myself and saying like, is this helping me get to where I want to be in life?

00:54:54Is it creating more peace in my life? For me, it was creating way more stress. So it's perpetuating

00:54:59these feelings that I'm trying to let go of and trying to work with. And so for me, I think what's

00:55:03important to people is like, if you want to make a change, why do you want to make the change? And for me,

00:55:09looking at a screen is not as important as actually physically being in front of my wife

00:55:14and giving her what she actually truly deserves, which is a hundred percent of my attention.

00:55:19Cause there's been times where I've not given her a hundred percent of my attention.

00:55:22And as I, as we start to have kids and stuff, I don't want to be a distracted parent.

00:55:27I want to be with them. I don't, I'll never sit there and go, well, when my kids were kids,

00:55:31my kids were children. Like, I wish I would have spent more time on Instagram. I wish I spent more time

00:55:35watching Netflix. I just think for me, like the, the, the level of the, the place I met in my life

00:55:41is I want to be as present as possible because I've worked for things. I've climbed ladders. I've

00:55:46gotten to different places. I've realized none of those things fulfilled me in any sort of way.

00:55:50And this journey I've been on in the past, you know, 10 years, seven years ago, and we started

00:55:55talking about the Bhagavad Gita. And I started meditating a whole lot more and getting into

00:55:59as I realized, oh, these things are bringing me peace. And the more peaceful I feel, the more

00:56:05that it becomes easy to actually achieve and create the stuff that I want to in life. And so for me,

00:56:10the presence in the peace at this point in my life, things might change. I don't know what it's going to

00:56:14be in five years are actually the things that are the most important to me.

00:56:17Yeah. It's so interesting. I think we feel like being anxious and being,

00:56:21you know, kind of like busy and stuff will actually create the most effectiveness.

00:56:25Right.

00:56:25But what you just said, this idea of if you start from a place of peace, and I think about that,

00:56:30I completely agree with that. If you walk into something with stillness,

00:56:33it gives you clarity, it gives you perspective. You can zoom out, you can zoom in. If you're buzzing

00:56:39around and moving around, you lose all of that. It's all blurry and fuzzy.

00:56:43And I want to ask you, what's a lesson you wish you learned earlier in life?

00:56:52I think it's that what you're searching for externally, you're actually searching for yourself.

00:56:58I think that's become very apparent to me in the past few years is I was always looking for somebody

00:57:03to give me love, somebody to give me acceptance, to achieve so that I could be accepted. And what I

00:57:10actually truly think is what I was searching for from everyone else was what I was searching for

00:57:14for myself. So a lot of people that are like, a lot of people I know are people pleasers. They

00:57:19come to me, Rob, I'm a people pleaser. And it's like, they'll change themselves to try to get love

00:57:24and acceptance from somebody else. But that's just feeling a, you know, it's like a hungry ghost.

00:57:29It just, the food just goes through the ghost. It doesn't go anywhere. And what we're actually

00:57:33searching for is what we're searching, that love and acceptance for ourself. And one of the biggest

00:57:40things that I think I've learned in probably the past two years is I was always trying to grow and

00:57:47change myself because there were aspects of myself that I didn't like and I resented. And what I've

00:57:54changed it to in the past couple of years is I'm going to love every aspect of myself. So there's

00:58:00some parts of Rob that are beautiful, that are amazing, that love people that want to connect.

00:58:05There's some great parts of Rob. There's some parts of Rob also that are very selfish, that are

00:58:10very judgmental, that are a little bit short, not as present as he should be. Instead of trying to

00:58:18change those and hate those, I've actually just tried to love them and realized that the selfish Rob

00:58:25that exists was some sort of thing that was a part of past conditioning that came up from needing to

00:58:32be selfish as a child for whatever it might have been, whatever reasons it might have been.

00:58:37And I can love that side of me. And what I realized is that if I try to change it,

00:58:41it gets stronger. If I love it and I accept it, it kind of chills out and it doesn't disappear.

00:58:48Like I'm not like, yeah, these parts of me don't exist. It's me looking like internal family systems

00:58:53is a therapy where you look at all parts of you and who you are and you try to figure out a way to

00:58:59understand how the entire orchestra works together. You know, when I was, when I was writing my book,

00:59:05I was sitting there and I was, I was going so hardcore, like you and I come from the world

00:59:10of creating viral videos. I would spend so much time on every single line to make sure it was

00:59:16perfect. Right. Cause I wanted to make sure like I've only got 30 seconds or a minute to get the

00:59:21message to be as clear and concise as possible. Let me try to make it as perfect as possible.

00:59:24And I used to do a lot of poetry and used to do a lot of songwriting when I was younger. So I was used

00:59:28to making every line as potent as I could. As I was writing this book, I was like 16 rounds of edits

00:59:33in editing every single piece of it. And there was a part of me that said, it said, why are you doing

00:59:38this? Like, why are you doing this? And I was like, I want to write a book that helps people and changes

00:59:43people's lives. I want someone to not know what the mindset mentor podcast is, but they walk into

00:59:46Barnes and Noble, they see this book and they're like, interesting. Let me read it. Let me pick it up.

00:59:50And they read it and it changes their life. And then I played devil's advocate. I said,

00:59:54but you also want it to be successful. Don't you? You also want it to be a New York Times bestseller.

01:00:00So you can have a little badge to put on yourself and say, New York Times bestseller.

01:00:03You want it to be this incredibly selling thing because you know, if it takes off,

01:00:07you're going to make great money for a very long time. If it's a perennial seller.

01:00:10And I thought to myself, okay, can I use that ego excited me to actually help me create a better book?

01:00:17And I could. And so what I realized is instead of hating that aspect, it's like a tool in my tool

01:00:22belt. When I need to bring that side of me out, I can bring that side of me out and say, you know

01:00:27what? I'm going to create the best freaking book that I can, the best podcast that I can,

01:00:31the best reel that I can to try to impact people. And so it's not about like trying to force change on

01:00:37myself. It's about loving every aspect of myself, the quote unquote, good and bad,

01:00:42bad, even though there is no good or bad, but every aspect of Rob. And if I need to use it,

01:00:47I can bring it up and say, Hey, Rob, I need this version of you right now,

01:00:50but I'm not going to fight it anymore. Yeah. Yeah. In the monastery, we'd always talk about how

01:00:55the word is anartha, which means unwanted thing that seems unwanted actually needs to be engaged.

01:01:02Like you need to engage it in the service of doing something higher for it to be purified.

01:01:07That's like, you can't just cut it out. You can't just get rid of it. You can't just

01:01:10hate it to go away. You can't just shame it away. You can't just guilt it away. It has to be engaged

01:01:16in a higher service, i.e. impacting others, helping others, improving your own life,

01:01:21improving the lives of others, because when it's engaged, then it becomes purified.

01:01:25Because if you just ignore it, it will just stay there. And if you try and push it away,

01:01:29it's going to push back and get stronger. But if you engage and go, yeah, you know what? I do have

01:01:35that in me, but I'm going to use that tendency to try and help this people, help this person do this

01:01:39this. That's the only way that it starts to be purified. And so that resonates very strongly.

01:01:45Great answer. The other one I wanted to ask you was, what's a lesson you had to learn the hard way?

01:01:51Yeah. I think the one that's been the most potent for a long time is you can't do it all on your own.

01:01:58For me, I don't think I was able to trust people for a very long time.

01:02:03I went to a therapist one time and he had said, yeah, you've been neglected. And I was like, no,

01:02:07I haven't been neglected. I had food, water, shelter, clothing, all these things. And he's

01:02:11like, no, you were emotionally neglected from your father. And I was like, oh my God,

01:02:17that really rings true. But what happened was I had developed this feeling over my lifetime of,

01:02:23I've got to do it alone. I can't trust anybody. No one else can do it for me. There were times when my

01:02:27dad would, even though he was an amazing person, I always tell people, I'm so grateful that I had the

01:02:32father that I had. He was, he never beat me. He never yelled at me. He never touched me

01:02:38inappropriately. He would just get drunk and fall asleep. And when he fell asleep, he'd forget

01:02:42about me in a lot of different ways. Right. So there was that neglect of like, I might, he would

01:02:46say, Hey, I'm going to come pick you up and we're going to go fishing because I lived in Florida.

01:02:49And I, you know, would sit on the front porch for an hour or two hours of my fishing pole and he would

01:02:53just never show up. Right. And so there were aspects of that. And I think somewhere along the line,

01:02:58I developed this feeling of like, no one's going to help me. I have to do it all on my own,

01:03:03which there's a piece of that, which there is some truth, right? Like I do have to sometimes

01:03:08step forward and be the person to do it. But for the longest time, I never understood the phrase,

01:03:13no man is an island. Cause I was like, I have done everything by myself. And then I started

01:03:18looking around me and I was like, no, I haven't. The universe has always been there giving me everything

01:03:23that I need and every person to help me in some sort of way, improve and get better.

01:03:26And, you know, as everything's grown, the podcast has grown, my company has grown all this stuff.

01:03:32We have 30 people on the team. Like I can't do it on my own. I can't help people on my own the way

01:03:38that I wish that I could. If I was, I'm not 30 people, I don't have 30 days, you know, they can

01:03:43get done and we can get done in one day that I could get done an entire month. And so what's been big

01:03:48for me is, is trusting people to be able to help me and to be able to ask for help,

01:03:56whether that be in a business, but also like going to my wife and be like, hey,

01:04:01I'm really struggling right now. Like, can you just talk to me for a few minutes?

01:04:04And knowing that she doesn't think like, oh, he's not man enough, which is a fear that I had,

01:04:09like, oh, if I go to her with my problems, she's going to be like, he's not man enough.

01:04:13But for her to be like, yeah, let me hold space for you. Let's talk it out. And so I think the

01:04:16biggest thing for me is like, is learning that I can't do it all on my own. It's okay to,

01:04:21it's actually strength to ask for help. It's strong task for help. And, um,

01:04:27and that I need to be better at asking for help when I do need it.

01:04:30That's a great one. That's a great one. I can relate to in so many ways. And,

01:04:34and yeah, it strikes a chord for sure. And I think so many of us,

01:04:38you know, both of those questions, think about it, you know, what's taken,

01:04:41what's a lesson you learned the hard way and what's a lesson you wished you learned earlier

01:04:46and write them down because you might forget it. And, and you kind of fall back in that cycle

01:04:52often, Rob, we, uh, end every on purpose episode with a final five. These questions have to be

01:04:57answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Oh my God. Okay. And so I'm so wordy. That's

01:05:03I'll do my best. Rob, these are your final five. The first question is what is the best advice

01:05:08you've ever heard or received? I'll give you the, I'll give you the sentence.

01:05:12And if you want me to explain it, I can, but everything is your fault.

01:05:15Yeah. You can explain it. Everything is your fault. Comes back to like,

01:05:18you are the CEO of your life. I, my very first mentor that I had, I paid $500 a month to have

01:05:23my first coach when I was 19 about to turn 20. And we worked together for two years and we had some

01:05:29great calls. I don't remember any of them. I remember one. And what it was, was I had made so many

01:05:34excuses as to why I was late to calls, why I didn't hit my assignments, why I didn't do what

01:05:38I needed to do. And he had this really tough conversation. I mean, he said, Rob,

01:05:42if a business succeeds, whose fault is it? And I was like, I mean, what do you mean?

01:05:46He's like, if a business succeeds, all 1000 employees move into the direction they have

01:05:51a successful year, whose fault is it? That the person who orchestrated, I was like the CEO.

01:05:55He said, if a business fails, whose fault is it? And I said, the CEO. He said, Rob,

01:05:59if you get to the end of your life and it's not what you wanted it to be, and you didn't create the

01:06:03life that you wanted to make the money that you wanted to have the success, the love,

01:06:05the happiness, travel the places that you wanted to, whose fault would it be? And I said,

01:06:09it'd be my fault. And he said, if you did create the life that you wanted to, you had the love,

01:06:12the happiness, the abundance, everything that you wanted, whose fault would that be?

01:06:16And I said, it'd be my fault. And he said, the problem with you is you're treating this,

01:06:20treating this life as if you're the victim and what you need to realize that everything that happens

01:06:24to you is your fault and that your life won't change until you decide that you want to be the CEO

01:06:28of your life. I don't know how that would have felt when you had it at that point.

01:06:32It hurt.

01:06:32Yeah, exactly. With that mindset. And I think a lot of people today would

01:06:37find that offensive. They might get hurt by it. How did you transfer that energy

01:06:44to be like, no, this is actually helpful. It's not hurtful.

01:06:47Yeah. I mean, I was a little bit hurt, but I felt truth. I felt like, yeah, he's right.

01:06:55Because when I look at the path of where my life was going to go, had I continued to blame everybody

01:07:00else? It wasn't going to be good. But when I looked at people who I knew who took full ownership of

01:07:06their life, one of my, probably my first mentor without even it being on purpose was my uncle Dan,

01:07:12who was an incredibly successful guy, had a bunch of success, but also is incredibly giving,

01:07:19always so loving. And he never blamed anybody else for when his business failed and he brought it back

01:07:26from, from nothing and rebuilt it. He never blamed anybody else. He was always there for everyone

01:07:30else, but he always took everything as his responsibility. And you know, it's like not

01:07:38everything that's happened to you in your life is your fault, but whatever it is that you have,

01:07:41it is your responsibility to work through. Will Smith also said this, right? Where it's like,

01:07:45it's not my fault that my father was an alcoholic, but it's my responsibility to do with it because

01:07:51it's the reality that I have and I have to work through those things. And so for me, it was like,

01:07:54it rang really true where I was like, I was like, okay, it's right. And if my life is going to change,

01:07:59I have to be the person to change it. And that's when it like clicked for me.

01:08:03That conversation I could say is absolutely 100%. The one conversation that changed my life

01:08:09completely. Powerful. Uh, second question. What is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?

01:08:15Fit in with everybody else. Good. Uh, question number three,

01:08:20what is your most repeated thought? As of recently is I'm proud of you.

01:08:27I try to tell myself that every single day. My mom told me that a lot as a kid,

01:08:30I'm trying to repeat it to myself. I love that. That's a great one.

01:08:34Uh, question number four, the number one habit that changed your life,

01:08:40like a daily habit, like something that you practice.

01:08:45Meditation and breath work. Finding space for myself.

01:08:49Love it. Uh, fifth and final question. If you could create one law that everyone in

01:08:55the world had to follow, what would it be?

01:08:57Oh my God. Take your time.

01:08:59Uh, one law that everybody in the world has to follow to take five minutes every single day

01:09:08to practice self-awareness.

01:09:11I think that every problem in this world could be solved if people were more self-aware. I think

01:09:16that, that all of our problems come from lack of self-awareness. And if people are more aware of our

01:09:23actions, you know, if politicians are more aware of their actions and how it's affecting the entire

01:09:28world, and if parents were aware of how their actions are affecting their children, and as,

01:09:33you know, a son, if I'm aware of how my actions are, uh, affecting my mom, my sister, my wife,

01:09:40everybody around me, if we could take five minutes to practice being more self-aware,

01:09:44I think that the entire world would be better.

01:09:46I love that. Rob Dahl, everyone. The book is called Level Up. How to get focused, stop procrastinating,

01:09:53and upgrade your life. If you don't have a copy, go and grab it already. You'll be able to see my

01:09:57testimonial right here on the back. Yeah, you're on it. You're at the top on the back there.

01:10:00Make sure you go and grab a copy, and tag me and Rob on Instagram, on X, on TikTok,

01:10:06with what resonated with you, what connected with you. I love seeing, and I want Rob to see as well,

01:10:11what you're practicing, what you're trying to put into action in your life, and I can't wait for you

01:10:15to level up. Rob, thank you again. Thank you, man.

01:10:18For coming on and opening your heart and being so vulnerable, and at the same time, giving so many

01:10:23practical insights of how people can move from where they are to where they really want to be.

01:10:27And even deeper. So thank you so much, man. I appreciate it.

01:10:30Well, thank you, Jay. I've known you for seven years now, and your inspiration for doing good

01:10:35in the world. And I can see that the actions that you take are from your heart and from

01:10:40a place of purpose, and it's inspiring for me to always see that.

01:10:43Thank you, man. I appreciate you.

01:10:44Of course. Thank you.

01:10:45If you loved this episode, you'll love my interview with Dr. Gabor Mate on understanding your trauma

01:10:52and how to heal emotional wounds to start moving on from the past.

01:10:57Everything in nature grows only where it's vulnerable. So a tree doesn't grow where it's hard

01:11:01and thick, does it? It goes where it's soft and green and vulnerable.

You’re Not Lazy — You’re Just Focused On The WRONG Goal (Fix THIS _ Finally Start Winning)

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