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Short filmTranscript
00:00Us, Hillary.
00:02I don't think we're gonna work.
00:04What?
00:06Look, I need a partner in life.
00:09A wife who's going to go where I need to go and do what I need to do and be excited about my accomplishments.
00:14I can't get dragged down by somebody who's out saving dogs and cats and God knows what else.
00:20Jason, is this about moving to Pittsburgh? I'll move to Pittsburgh.
00:26A new VP position opened up in our Pittsburgh office and I guarantee I am the top pick for this position.
00:32We have a life here.
00:34What am I gonna do in Pittsburgh?
00:38Look, I just, I have to stay focused and mobile to advance in my career.
00:42I gotta keep my priorities straight.
00:44Believe me, this is one of those tough decisions, but it's for the best.
00:48For both of us. I just, I can't make a mistake.
00:51Not now.
00:56What did I become? A mistake.
01:03Just...
01:05I have to get this. Just, just, just...
01:07Go for change.
01:10No, no, no. That is exactly how you...
01:12He's a jerk. I knew he was too good to be true.
01:17Maybe my mom was right. Maybe I let him keep one foot out the door.
01:20Alright, it's time to pick the winner for this week's KJWM Weekly Holiday Vacation Giveaway.
01:25And the lucky winner is... Hillary Burns.
01:28Oh my God, you won!
01:31We are finally in the running for our trip to Mexico. It could be our honeymoon!
01:34What?
01:35All of my sisters found perfect men, and I can't even get one in the door.
01:40Is that it?
01:42Is that what would make you happy right now, to bring home a man for Thanksgiving?
01:46I just can't go home all alone. I just can't face it. I can't do it. Not now.
01:49Okay. Look. All you have to do, just post this with a flirty little intro video of your pretty face, and voila.
01:59All you have to do is click. I'll help you do the video.
02:03You really think it's a good idea to bring a stranger home, or possibly a psycho, to my parents' house for Thanksgiving?
02:10Hillary, I just wanted you to know I planned a small family gathering at the house for when you and Jason arrive.
02:17Do it.
02:18What?
02:19Of course, if he preferred white.
02:22Hi.
02:23Hi.
02:24Hi.
02:25Hi. My name is Hillary.
02:27I need to hire a fake fiancé to bring home to my family for Thanksgiving.
02:32In return, you will receive two free first class tickets to Playa del Carmen, Mexico.
02:37So just record a quick video intro, post it to this page, and we'll get back to you.
02:41Whoa!
02:42What? Who is it? Come in.
02:43I can't believe it. Look at all of these.
02:44All right. Mexico's got some sweetest waves, man. I mean, after the weekend's over here, we can just serve, sun, serve, eat, serve, and then serve some more.
03:06I do have irritable bowel syndrome, but I really need to get to Mexico.
03:12Let's get to Mexico.
03:21Ooh.
03:24Huh.
03:27No.
03:31Ugh. I knew this was a bad idea.
03:33Come over here.
03:34No!
03:35No.
03:36No.
03:37I don't want to.
03:38Just talk to him. He's cute. He kind of looks like Jason.
03:41Hello.
03:42Hi. Is everything okay over there?
03:44Depending on what you mean by okay. Everything's great.
03:47Why don't you tell us a bit about yourself?
03:49Oh. Okay. My name is David. I'm an actor.
03:52Hey, wait. I know you.
03:54Hey, wait. I know you. You're the cell phone guy in the costume.
04:00That's just sad.
04:01He's our first interview. Come on. Let's go.
04:04Ugh.
04:05Hi. Excuse me.
04:06Oh. Oh. Oh.
04:07I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
04:09Hi. I said acting is my full-time job, and today I'm playing a large cell phone.
04:14Oh, crap. I knew it. Come on. We gotta go back to Seattle.
04:17That's right. And you're the reporter?
04:20Yeah.
04:21I was sorry to hear about the newspaper shutting down. Did you lose your job, or?
04:25What do you think?
04:26Right. Sorry. Obvious.
04:29Uh, for what it's worth, I got fired playing a big red cell phone, so.
04:34Oh, I'm sorry.
04:35Don't be. You could help me save my very last red dignity.
04:39I mean, if I can't book a job playing a fake fiancé for a weekend, I should probably call it quits.
04:45Are you free to meet Hillary tomorrow, face to face?
04:48Sure thing.
04:49Hey. Okay. So, I Facebooked him. He hasn't responded. And when you Google him, the only thing that comes up are a few photos of him on Flickr with some chick named Lindsay on a beach.
05:01So, looks like he's not a psycho. He's just another out-of-work loser actor.
05:06You sound like my agent.
05:07Oh. Hi.
05:09Hi.
05:10Um, you two have fun.
05:12Great.
05:15Hi.
05:16So, I checked out?
05:20Yeah, seems like it.
05:22Do you think that Jason is more of a corporate lawyer type or-
05:26Corporate. What kind of car do you drive?
05:27Uh, 98, Jeep Grand Cherokee, fully loaded.
05:30We'll take my car.
05:31Okay.
05:32Okay, I'm gonna friend you on Facebook, accept my request, click on all my family photo albums, memorize all the names, everybody's clearly marked.
05:38Okay, will do.
05:39Okay.
05:41Well, I guess I'll pick you up here, tomorrow, 8am sharp.
05:45Sounds good.
05:48Okay.
05:52Um.
05:56Sorry, I don't know what's going on here with the thing, the hair.
06:00I'll take care of it.
06:01Yeah?
06:02Okay.
06:08I'm gonna buy your coffee.
06:15You clean up real good.
06:17You look nice yourself.
06:18And don't forget, my parents are very excited that you are a lawyer.
06:30About that.
06:31I don't know if I'm gonna be able to pull that off.
06:34You're an actor.
06:35Act.
06:41Okay, hit me with the family breakdown.
06:43Okay.
06:44Uh, Meredith.
06:45Mother.
06:46Housewife extraordinaire.
06:47Roy.
06:48Dad.
06:49Councilman.
06:50Your youngest sister is Trish.
06:51Joy.
06:52Right, right.
06:53Trish is the middle one.
06:54And, uh, her husband is Gil.
06:55And Joy's fiance's name is?
06:57Uh, John.
06:58Paul.
06:59Peter.
07:00You gotta get these straight.
07:01They're all gonna be at the party.
07:02Party?
07:03Yeah.
07:04It's no big deal.
07:05Just family.
07:06How long were you and Jason engaged?
07:07Uh, we dated for seven months.
07:08We were engaged for two.
07:10Wow.
07:11What happened?
07:12He's, uh, he's under a lot of pressure.
07:16Really stressed.
07:17He got this big job promotion offer in Pittsburgh.
07:19So.
07:20Oh, look.
07:21Here we are.
07:25Okay.
07:26Just remember, say as little as possible and follow my lead.
07:29Here we go.
07:32Here we go.
07:34Oh, honey, honey, honey.
07:35You're finally here.
07:37Oh, sweetie.
07:38Come here.
07:39You know, you could wash that car every once in a while.
07:46What about Jason's Tesla?
07:48I wanted to ride in that.
07:50Oh, that was my fault.
07:51I wanted to save my mileage, so we took the Jetta instead.
07:54Oh, well.
07:55At least we finally get to meet Jason.
08:01You're practically part of the family now.
08:03Yeah.
08:04Okay, well, let's go in.
08:05Okay.
08:06Everybody's looking forward to meeting you.
08:10Okay, come on in here.
08:13Oh, my God.
08:14I thought you said this was family only.
08:17I didn't want the whole town to think that you were going to be a spinster forever.
08:22Everyone, this is Hillary's Beyonce, Jason.
08:25Hi.
08:26Hi.
08:27How's it going?
08:28Oh, hey.
08:29Oh, yeah.
08:30Oh, Jason?
08:31Yeah.
08:32You were that firm that's defending that, uh, schmuck Shorman.
08:35Shorman?
08:36Yeah, man.
08:37He's as guilty as they come if you ask me.
08:39Pilking all those suckers out of their life savings.
08:41You know, Frank, I think everybody's considered innocent until proven guilty.
08:44I mean, isn't I right?
08:45Jason?
08:48Jason?
08:49Uh, Mr. Burns.
08:50Call me Roy.
08:51Yes.
08:52Pleasure to meet you, Roy.
08:53I do.
08:54You know what they say.
08:55How does it feel to be defending a crook like that?
08:57Well, uh, you know what?
08:58Frank, why don't you get yourself some eggnog?
09:00I just whipped up a fresh batch.
09:02Oh, that's a good time.
09:03Thanks, brother.
09:04Frank just comes for the eggnog.
09:05Yeah.
09:06So listen, uh, what kind of cases?
09:08Do you do, do you do, um, I don't know, fraud or extortion or money laundering?
09:12Uh, yeah.
09:13Yeah, I do.
09:14All of those.
09:15Come on, Dad.
09:16Leave poor Jason alone.
09:17He's spending enough time in the office already.
09:19Yeah, doing all that lawyering.
09:21Did you play?
09:22Uh, yes, but quite badly.
09:24Oh, that would be great.
09:26Mind if I don't?
09:27You know, when Hillary was young, she used to sing.
09:34Oh?
09:35Mm-hmm.
09:36That's...
09:37No.
09:38Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
09:39Okay, everybody, it's time to show the engagement ring.
09:50Wait till you see this beauty.
09:52Ta-da!
09:53Ta...
09:54I, I, I, I...
09:57I, I, I...
09:58I, I, I...
09:59I, I, I...
10:01I, I, I...
10:02What's the rest of the ring?
10:03I, I, I...
10:04What happened with the ring?
10:05That's a funny story, actually, right, sweetie?
10:08It turns out Hillary lost a few pounds, and the ring doesn't fit her anymore.
10:12Right.
10:13And this morning, she's taking a shower.
10:14She gets out of the shower, and the ring falls off her finger into the toilet.
10:18She calls me hysteric.
10:19Crazy.
10:20I was crazy.
10:21Crazy.
10:22She was, she was freaking out.
10:23I get there.
10:24So, what do I do?
10:25I've got to man up, right, Roy?
10:26Yeah.
10:27I've got to do it.
10:28I, I, I, it's go time.
10:29So I, I get down there on my knees, and I, I, I go in there.
10:31I go in there, I go in deep.
10:32I can feel it.
10:33I can feel it.
10:34I can feel it right there.
10:35It gets away, then I have to, I have to go a little bit deeper.
10:36And I'm reaching for it.
10:37And, ah, ah, ah.
10:38Nope.
10:39Deeper.
10:40Deeper.
10:41He has really small hands.
10:42It's disturbing, actually.
10:43And I, I, I can feel it.
10:44I can feel it.
10:45Right, right on the edge of my finger.
10:46It's right there.
10:47It's right there.
10:48And...
10:49I got it.
10:50Got the ring.
10:51Got the ring.
10:52Yeah, it's so cute.
10:53Oh, God.
10:54We decided to leave it home till we get it resized.
10:55Yeah.
10:56Yeah, it's better safe than sorry.
10:57Right, sweetie?
11:01I'm gonna get a drink.
11:05Hey.
11:06Hell, isn't it?
11:07I thought you quit.
11:09I did.
11:11So, is my fiancee boring yours with his foot talk yet?
11:15No.
11:16But I think David's got his hands pretty full.
11:20Did I say David?
11:22Yeah.
11:23Jason.
11:24Of course.
11:25David's a friend.
11:26I was on the phone.
11:28Well, I guess we better go back in there.
11:30If Mom has anything else to surprise me with, can you please tell me?
11:34Deal.
11:36Good to see you.
11:37Oh, my sweetie.
11:38Oh, look at this.
11:39Your picture's taken.
11:40Oh, the family photo.
11:41Yes, we always gather together here.
11:43Hey, everybody, ready?
11:48Don't worry, I could show Jason his room.
11:49Well, honey, don't be silly.
11:51The inn is full.
11:53Besides, I don't expect you to have separate rooms.
11:56Just separate beds.
12:00And if you need extra pillows or blankets, just ask me.
12:05That's okay, Mom.
12:06I think I know where everything is.
12:08Okay, well, you take it tonight.
12:09I'll take it tomorrow night.
12:10Whatever you want.
12:11Okay.
12:12I'm gonna go get a change for bed.
12:14Okay.
12:24Sorry.
12:25Um...
12:27No, I'm sorry.
12:28I thought you were still in the...
12:29Pajamas, please?
12:30Uh...
12:31No, I don't, uh...
12:32I don't wear...
12:34Pajamas.
12:35I didn't bring it.
12:36Okay, that's fine.
12:37I'll just find...
12:38See if my dad has him.
12:39Great.
12:46Daddy?
12:48Daddy.
12:49I plead not guilty.
12:50Sorry?
12:51What?
12:52Sorry?
12:53I came to ask you if Jason could borrow some pajamas.
12:55Oh, I don't have any.
12:57Your mother and I sleep in the room.
12:59Ugh.
13:00Since when?
13:01Ugh.
13:02Since Joy went off to college.
13:03We ran around naked for a week.
13:04You should have seen your mother.
13:05Oh, no, no, no.
13:06I don't anymore.
13:08This guy, uh, this Jason, he treats you right, does he?
13:12Yeah, yeah, of course.
13:13What?
13:15Do you love him?
13:17What?
13:18It's an easy question.
13:19Should be an easy answer.
13:20Dad, I'm marrying the guy.
13:22So?
13:23Do you love him?
13:25Yes, I do.
13:30Hey.
13:32The Beatles are right, after all.
13:35All you need is love.
13:36Hey, look at this.
13:37It's...
13:38Oh, I'm sorry.
13:39I'm calling someone.
13:40And, uh, there's nothing important.
13:41But, uh, I just wanted to let you know that I may have locked into some tickets to
14:06my little comment.
14:07And, um, I don't know, I thought maybe you might want to go?
14:12You know.
14:14Hey, um, call me.
14:17Morning.
14:18Morning.
14:19Morning, sweetheart.
14:20Where's Trish and Gil?
14:21Trish has sold the hotel.
14:23Gil hasn't shown up yet.
14:24Why are they staying at a hotel when there's plenty of room here?
14:26Well, with Emma and the nanny, maybe they felt they'd be a bother.
14:30I don't even know why Trish has a nanny.
14:31I mean, come on.
14:32I felt like she's ever had a job.
14:33But it's nice that her husband can afford to give her whatever she wants.
14:35He's just never around.
14:36How about Jason?
14:37How much does he earn?
14:38Mom?
14:39How much does he earn?
14:40Mom?
14:41How much does he earn?
14:42Mom?
14:43Oh, sweetie.
14:44I just want to make sure that you're cared for.
14:45Oh, come on, Mom.
14:46It is the 21st century.
14:47You don't need to be cared for.
14:48You have our own jobs.
14:49Right, Hale?
14:50Actually, the newspaper, you don't have to be a little bit.
14:52You don't have to be a little bit.
14:53Maybe they felt they'd be a bother.
14:54I don't even know why Trish has a nanny.
14:55I mean, come on.
14:56I felt like she's ever had a job.
14:57But it's nice that her husband can afford to give her whatever she wants.
14:58He's just never around.
14:59How about Jason?
15:00How much does he earn?
15:02Mom?
15:03Oh, sweetie, I just want to make sure that you're cared for.
15:05Oh, come on, Mom.
15:06It is the 21st century.
15:07You don't need to be cared for.
15:08You have our own jobs.
15:09Right, Hale?
15:10Actually, the newspaper I was working for shut down.
15:14Oh, honey, not again.
15:16Well, it's not my fault.
15:17Nobody reads newspapers anymore.
15:19Everything's on the Internet.
15:20I know.
15:21Well, just in time.
15:23I want you to tell me if my yam casserole is sweet enough.
15:28Oh, I'm sorry.
15:29I'm not a fan.
15:30Yes, you are.
15:32You're such a joker.
15:33He's such a joker.
15:34He loves yams.
15:35Like I said, he loves yams.
15:36Yeah, I love it.
15:37Okay.
15:38Okay.
15:43Mmm.
15:44I made that with Splenda instead of sugar.
15:47Mmm.
15:48Oh, yeah.
15:50Maybe just a little more time.
15:52He is really funny.
15:55He is.
15:56He really is.
15:57He's so funny.
15:58He's such a kidder.
15:59Well, I just hope he's more serious when it comes to setting a wedding date.
16:03Please don't start.
16:05Honey, I'm sorry if I seem a little anxious.
16:09It's just that I have been deprived of planning the weddings for not one, but two of my daughters.
16:18Here we go.
16:19Can't you girls understand that a mother wants to plan her daughter's weddings?
16:25Oh, since you were babies, I've dreamed of this.
16:29And then to find out that Trisha eloped to an island.
16:32Well, what about Joy?
16:33Joy's engaged.
16:34Yes.
16:35Joy's engaged.
16:36Yes, she is.
16:37And has been for two years.
16:39I will be six feet under by the time she sets a date.
16:45I'm sorry if I'm a little upset.
16:50But, but honey, it's come down to you.
16:54You're the only one I can count on.
16:56I'm, I'm, uh, December 21st.
16:58I'm, I'm, uh, December 21st.
17:02I didn't want to tell you.
17:03I wanted to, we were going to surprise you at dinner, but that's it.
17:07December 21st.
17:08You're getting married on December 21st?
17:11Yes.
17:12Oh, my God.
17:13It's kind of soon, but it's fabulous.
17:15Oh, my darling girl.
17:17Oh, this is fantastic.
17:20Oh, did you hear?
17:22I'm so happy.
17:24Well, okay, I have to book the, uh, the community hall and, and call Gayle's Greenery.
17:29I don't even know the number.
17:30We wanted something small.
17:41What are they doing out there?
17:43Well, your father got it in his head that he was going to deep fry the turkey this year.
17:50Once we get this baby boiling, you just rig the bird up to this line,
17:53just drop it in the oil, huh?
17:54Whatever you say.
17:55All right, let's fire this bad boy up.
17:57All right, get that, would you?
17:58Yeah.
17:59Let me ask you something.
18:00Uh-huh.
18:01Do you ever, uh, represent a councilman or a politician or anything?
18:03No, but not personally.
18:05But you could, huh?
18:06Sure.
18:07Good to know.
18:08Good to know.
18:10Uh, wait, don't you want to wait until the oil eat top?
18:14Come on, we're missing the gate.
18:16Besides, it's going to take half an hour for it to get boiling.
18:18Come on.
18:19Oh, God.
18:20Okay.
18:21So, it's me.
18:22No, things are not going well at all.
18:24I just told my mom that David and I are getting married in a month.
18:26You're marrying David now?
18:27That was quick.
18:28No, no, no.
18:29Me and Jason.
18:30I just, I blurted it out that we're getting married on December 21st.
18:33Wait, what?
18:34This is nuts.
18:35I'm putting you on speaker.
18:36Well, no, but what if Jason really did get cold feet and he's going to come back to me
18:40because I mean more than, more than Pittsburgh.
18:42And then the wedding's already planned, which is, which is actually not that crazy.
18:47No, it's crazy, Hill.
18:48It's super crazy.
18:49I know.
18:50That's crazy.
18:51What am I going to do?
18:52Look, I don't know.
18:53Surf's up.
18:54Greg's going to be here any minute.
18:55I gotta go.
18:56What?
18:57Yeah, just listen to your heart.
18:59Just ride the wave.
19:01Just ride the wave.
19:03What?
19:04There's Hill.
19:05Sophie.
19:06Sophie.
19:07You know, Roy, I think it's probably been 30 minutes.
19:12Should we go check on the pot?
19:14You know, I could use a little, you know, legal counsel.
19:19Oh, well, you're a councilman, right?
19:23I'm sure you have a great lawyer.
19:25He's a little too involved.
19:28You know what I mean?
19:29Anyway, what would be better than keeping it in a family?
19:32That way.
19:33Hmm.
19:34All right, well, I guess I better go.
19:36Drop that bird in the hill.
19:37Oh, uh, you sure you don't need a hand with that?
19:39No, no.
19:40I got it, Kurt.
19:43Uh, ticklish.
19:46Hi.
19:48It's beeping.
19:52Peter, can I have my foot back, man?
19:55Oh.
19:56Of course.
19:58You're welcome.
20:02Oh.
20:03Oh.
20:04Oh.
20:05Look at the replay right there.
20:06The quarterback faked him out.
20:14Anything important?
20:15What?
20:16Oh.
20:17No.
20:18No, nothing important.
20:23Oh.
20:24Oh.
20:25Oh.
20:26Oh.
20:27Oh.
20:28Oh, Emily!
20:29Okay.
20:30Oh.
20:31Oh.
20:32Oh.
20:34Oh.
20:35Oh.
20:36Ah!
20:37Oh!
20:38Oh.
20:39Oh.
20:40Oh.
20:41Oh.
20:42Ah.
20:45Roy!
20:46Oh.
20:47Oh.
20:48For the love of...
20:49Oh.
20:50Well.
20:51Well, this isn't so bad, is it?
20:57Oh, um...
20:59I asked for seltzer.
21:01This looks like tap water with cheese floating in it.
21:05Sorry, Mrs. Burns.
21:07I can see that your old boyfriend hasn't amounted to much.
21:12Hi!
21:13Sorry we're late.
21:14Hey.
21:15Hi.
21:16Where's Gil?
21:17Uh, the benefit that he was attending ran late,
21:20so now he's snowed in.
21:22In New York.
21:23Well, that's too bad.
21:24I know.
21:25If he were here, he could have gotten us a table at the golf club.
21:28Then we wouldn't have to eat in this dump.
21:30Hey, it's not snowing in New York.
21:32Hmm.
21:33It's not.
21:34You know, Gilbert has a platinum membership to all the best clubs.
21:37Well, I'm not a big golf fan, so this place suits me just fine.
21:44This is fine. This is great. I...
21:47No?
21:48That's...
21:50I thought you said that you met Jason at a charity golf tournament.
21:54Mm-hmm.
21:55That you were covering for that paper?
21:56Mm-hmm.
21:57That's right.
21:58Yeah.
21:59But I'm not a fan of the golf.
22:01But, you know, like a spectator.
22:04But I just play.
22:05But very, very badly.
22:06Very, very badly.
22:07That's why they gave you a car.
22:09Yeah.
22:10A Tesla, right?
22:11Yes.
22:12He won the car at the tournament.
22:13And then you interviewed the winner.
22:15Look at me.
22:16Mm-hmm.
22:17He forgets everything, right, honey?
22:18Crazy.
22:19Yeah.
22:20I think you're sandbagging, aren't you?
22:21Oh, my God.
22:22Sand.
22:23Hola.
22:24Oh, thank God.
22:25I'm a chicken taco, and I'll be your server this holiday evening.
22:27Would you like to hear about our specials?
22:28Ah, seguro.
22:29Okay, well, basically what we have is anything that's chicken, pollo, we switch that out for
22:32guajolote.
22:33Guajolote?
22:34Guajolote.
22:35Guajolote?
22:36Oh!
22:37Guajolote.
22:38Oh!
22:39Guajolote.
22:40Oh!
22:41Guajolote.
22:42That means turkey.
22:44And that turkey tacos are particularly delicious tonight.
22:47David?
22:48Yes?
22:49Hey!
22:50It's Julian!
22:51Hi, Julian!
22:52Hey!
22:53Hey!
22:54Hey there!
22:55Hi there!
22:56But my name is Jason.
22:59Jason?
23:00Jason is my name.
23:01No, it's not.
23:02Really?
23:03Yeah, it's Jason.
23:04Look, my...
23:05David is my middle name, so there's confusion sometimes.
23:09Oh, okay.
23:10Alrighty.
23:11Well, anyway, it's been a while since we did that bus and truck tour pair together.
23:14Oh, God, you look good.
23:17Are you still in the biz?
23:18Yes.
23:20So what are you doing?
23:21Oh, you're looking at it.
23:22It's a nightmare, yeah.
23:23But I had to move back in with my parents to get a more stable career going on.
23:26So here I am.
23:27All right, I hear you.
23:29Gracias.
23:30De nada.
23:31I'll be there.
23:32It never stops.
23:33Anyway, I'll be back in a minute to get your orders.
23:35Just word to the wise, don't get the Flavos Francheros.
23:37I had them for breakfast.
23:38I feel like there's a knife in my colon.
23:40Happy Turkey Day, everyone.
23:41Olé!
23:42Olé!
23:43Olé!
23:44So, Jason David, what biz are you still in?
23:54Oh, I'm in the law.
23:56I do a little pro bono work.
23:57I'm charity.
23:58And I represented a few theater companies a few years back.
24:09So, theater people are so, I'm crazy.
24:13I'm eating some salsa.
24:14Mm-hmm.
24:16He's a giver.
24:17Mm-hmm.
24:18Mm-hmm.
24:19Mm-hmm.
24:20How could you forget?
24:21We went over that at least a half a dozen times.
24:23I've never played golf before.
24:24It's not a part of my repertoire.
24:26And what was all that with the crazy waiter in the diner?
24:28We were in a production of hair eight years ago.
24:30How was I supposed to know we'd end up in...
24:32Where are we, anyway?
24:33Is everything okay?
24:34Yes, we were just talking about the mix-up of the diner.
24:38Oh, what mix-up?
24:40Well, I'm pooped.
24:41Oh, I'm pooped, too.
24:43It's not every day that we blow up a turkey around here.
24:46You know, dinner was actually kind of fun, and the Mexican food wasn't half bad.
24:51Oh, that's good.
24:52Not as good as your turkey dinner would have been.
24:54Wasn't even close.
24:56You know, if Hillary doesn't take me to the curb, maybe I'll be lucky enough to try it next
25:01Well, you know, I didn't want to deep-fry that turkey in the first place.
25:06But when Hillary gets an idea stuck in his head, we've got stuffing, three pies, and my yam casserole,
25:16which is always better on the second day anyway.
25:18That is so true.
25:20You know, it's getting late.
25:21Uh-huh.
25:22So you go to bed, get a good night's sleep, and we'll see you in the morning, okay?
25:27Yeah.
25:28Good night.
25:29Your turn to sleep on the cot.
25:33I'm sorry.
25:36No.
25:38No, it was me.
25:40I dropped the ball.
25:42I just, I don't know why you're doing this.
25:44I mean, I know you want the tickets, but there's gotta be an easier way to get to Mexico.
25:50Playa del Carmen.
25:52It's where I met my girlfriend.
25:55Or, rather, my ex-girlfriend.
25:57I guess I thought that if I took her back to the resort where we met, and, I don't know, it might read Night The Spark or something.
26:09But I didn't have enough money for the ticket, so...
26:12Well, I'm sure it'll work.
26:16I hope so.
26:17I mean, she's kind of dating this other guy right now.
26:21But who does she call every time they break up?
26:26Me.
26:27So, obviously, she, deep down, she really doesn't want to be with him.
26:33Mmm.
26:34So you're the get-back guy.
26:37What?
26:38What, Matt?
26:42The get-back guy?
26:43You know, the guy she calls to get back at her ex.
26:46No, I'm not that guy.
26:47He's that guy.
26:48Well, when you met her, was she seeing him?
26:49No, they're just broken up.
26:51See?
26:53No, no, no.
26:54It's not like that.
26:55No, they broke up.
26:56Uh-huh.
26:57And then we met.
26:58And then we were, you know, together.
27:01Like a couple.
27:02For how long?
27:04Uh, four, hmm, five weeks.
27:09And then she went back to him?
27:11Yeah, but she keeps calling me.
27:13Uh, all right.
27:14It may look like I'm the get-back guy,
27:17but I know that all she needs to do is get away from that hold he has on her,
27:24and then she can realize that what she really wants is me.
27:29Okay.
27:30Trust me.
27:32I know.
27:33She's materialistic and sentimental.
27:36So this could work.
27:38Maybe.
27:39I mean the...
27:40the ticket thing.
27:44Are you hungry?
27:45You know, I was bummed when the post closed down.
27:50That was my Sunday morning read.
27:52I love that funky rag.
27:53I know.
27:54The end of an era.
27:55So are you gonna find another gay reporting or something?
27:58I don't know.
27:59I mean, the only reason why I got that job was because my friend Sophie worked there,
28:02and I needed it, and I thought I'm very good at it.
28:05You wrote that article a few weeks back about the animal shelter, right?
28:10Yeah, I know what I mean.
28:11Well, you must have some talent.
28:12I mean, it's thanks to you that I am now the proud owner of the same dog you were hugging in that photo.
28:18You rescued Skittles from the animal shelter because of what I wrote?
28:22Yeah.
28:23Only his name's Whiskey now.
28:25Yeah.
28:26I'm gonna miss the post.
28:27Oh.
28:29I mean, I get all the news I can handle online, but I'm gonna hold something, you know?
28:34Not just my laptop, but an actual newspaper.
28:37Yeah, I love print.
28:38Who says print is dead?
28:39Deb.
28:40Let's start a revolution.
28:41Beve la friend.
28:42Ah.
28:43Nice.
28:44What about you?
28:46This and that cell phone gig are the only paying jobs I've had in a while.
28:50Hmm.
28:51Uh, look at the pair of us.
28:54Dumped, unemployed, and eating sugar and carbs at midnight.
28:57Right.
28:58Oh.
28:59Who is it?
29:02I don't know.
29:07I don't know.
29:09We should take this upstairs.
29:10Great idea.
29:11Only two more days to go.
29:13Free Lilo.
29:14Just go with it.
29:16I think we can totally get through this.
29:18No, but let's not pressure Lilo.
29:20Let's get out of here and go sightseeing or something.
29:22We're planning.
29:29Wow.
29:30No.
29:31Oh, sorry.
29:32You startled me.
29:33It's beautiful.
29:35Oh, well, it will be.
29:37You do this all yourself?
29:38Every year.
29:39Um, can I help you, Mom?
29:41No.
29:42Oh.
29:45I'm sorry.
29:47Uh, okay.
29:49There is a wreath over there that I had designed for the mantle, yes?
29:54Here?
29:55Pick it up very carefully, and it belongs right on the mantle in the center.
29:59Okay?
30:00Watch yourself on that ladder.
30:01Oh, I got it.
30:02Thank you, Jason.
30:03Don't worry about it.
30:04It's a little crooked.
30:05There.
30:06No, I mean, thank you for Thanksgiving, and for being such a good sport today, and thank
30:08you for loving my daughter.
30:10She loves you very much, you know.
30:11I can see it in her face.
30:12Well, I love her, too, Mrs. Burns.
30:13I love her, too.
30:14Mrs. Burns.
30:15Oh, call me Meredith.
30:16Please.
30:17Oh, call me Meredith.
30:18Please.
30:19Or, or, or Mom, if you like?
30:20Oh, yeah, I'll tell you.
30:21Yeah, I love her, too, Mrs. Burns.
30:23Oh, call me Meredith.
30:24Please.
30:25Or, or, Mom, if you like.
30:30Uh, I love her.
30:33Oh, I love her, too.
30:38Mrs. Burns.
30:39experience oh call me meredith please or or mom if you like
30:52listen uh can i give you a hand with anything else or after 20 some years i've got it down to a
30:58science all right i'll um head up to bed then good night jason
31:09good night
31:16good night mom
31:28hey hillary yeah you see this oh yeah my mom does this every year after thanksgiving it's her
31:35tradition we were little we used to think it was elves or something
31:45just the two i was looking for
31:53i know you're only here for a few more days but we have to find the perfect wedding dress
31:59and pick the china and the linens and the cake oh i think you should go hun i mean
32:06go with it isn't that what brides are supposed to do go dress shopping with their mothers yes of course
32:12yeah but i really think it's a good idea to go shopping on black friday let's go shopping
32:20come on look oh it's beautiful
32:34here hold my purse thanks
32:42here okay thanks
32:43are you almost ready oh oh hillary it looks beautiful oh honey you look beautiful
32:58pretty thank you very much thank you thank you oh darling i love you yeah yeah
33:05so what's going on with you and jason nothing my point exactly we're two young lovebirds i don't see much
33:19affection no kiss no hug mom he's just not a touchy-feely guy don't worry about i just want
33:25to be able to see your marriage succeed you know most marriages fall apart first in the bedroom
33:35you know your father and i make love three times a week ah my ears are bleeding jason's a good catch
33:42a little odd and nervous i guess but i like him he's good for you
33:48pretty oh pretty oh is she getting married well yes of course i'm not oh my therapist says that i
34:04should visualize what i want and it will manifest itself well that sounds like um a very good strategy
34:11i want that dress i'll take it that's beautiful thank you nice oh oh oh ma'am ma'am that is my
34:21fiance's dress i saw it first and it's mine okay can i have it please no look of your way
34:31who dressed my bride
34:32just between you and i how would you advise our client to proceed if it was discovered that let's
34:43say he was getting money for selling i don't know votes i would probably advise that person to stop
34:49talking about it and definitely not tell any longer hey there's no one gotcha gotcha hey so what do you
34:57like better cups or mugs i don't know i think i think we get better use out of mugs what do you think
35:01table setting for eight or twelve hillary can i talk outside for a minute
35:10what what what you do realize we're not actually getting married right yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
35:19but what if jason actually did get cold feet i mean a lot of people think they want to move to
35:24pittsburgh and then and then they change their mind hey look sharp kid there is someone here to see you
35:31oh father macy what are you doing here well sweetie your wedding is in less than a month you really
35:41should have met with father macy weeks ago so i invited him over oh hi oh hello i'm father macy hi father
35:51jason so is there somewhere we could go and talk
35:54well it's a beautiful day why don't you take a walk perfect so jason you're going to marry hillary
36:01that's what thank you telling me i would like to make sure that you're both headed on the same path
36:07to share the same ideals and beliefs for if not the marriage you could suffer
36:12so jason tell me which church were you raised in well i didn't actually go to church no worries are you
36:20roman catholic protestant lds jewish jewish well i see i'm sure you understand then that i would not
36:34be able to perform the ceremony no we we talked about this and jason has no problem with converting
36:39actually i oh i have a wonderful idea who could have jason baptized at the same time as emma well i don't
36:47no trish i don't yeah that could wow oh no way no way i'm getting baptized come on it's just a
36:54formality it's not that big a deal i'm jewish you're not that jewish what are you even talking
37:00about my my grandma turtletop would roll in her grave if she knew i was doing this my mom will be so
37:05disappointed if we don't have a wedding at her church what wedding hillary we're not really getting
37:10married oh my god i'm so sorry this is so stupid you're right this is so stupid what am i doing this
37:22is so stupid i mean here i am trying to do everything to make my mother happy and for what
37:29to set her up for my greatest disappointment ever that's so foolish to think jason is actually coming
37:35back he's not coming back i mean he's in pittsburgh he's happy to be rid of me here just give the
37:50voucher numbers to the airline for your tickets take them you earn them but the weekend's not even
38:01nowhere yet please i couldn't expect you to stay when the crap hits the fan i mean god knows you've
38:07been thrown up already yeah so uh this is it engagement's off yeah yeah the engagement's off
38:24um is there a train or something i should catch
38:29yeah um you missed the 5 30 but i think there's an 11 30.
38:36one that's that's better i should probably wait to leave until after everyone's gone to bed
38:41so thanks sure
38:56well that was uh fun right yeah good luck with uh everything i hope you find a spark in mexico thanks
39:08uh
39:22Duh. Hey, sis.
39:39Call you tomorrow.
39:42Joy, is that the waiter from the diner?
39:45Yeah.
39:46Stu and I dated for a couple months before Mom set me up with the footman.
39:49She thought Stu wasn't good enough, so she worked her magic,
39:55and the next thing I knew, Stu was out of the picture,
39:58and I was engaged to Pete the podiatrist.
40:01Is that why you haven't set a date?
40:04Don't get me wrong. Pete's a good man.
40:08A little weird, but good guy.
40:12I just don't love him.
40:16Not like I love Stu.
40:17Thank you. What's really going on with you and Jason?
40:22Jason dumped me a week ago.
40:25So I hired an actor named David to play my fiancé for the weekend.
40:33You what?
40:35Wait. Wait.
40:36Okay, so where did Jason or David go?
40:43Left.
40:45Just...
40:47I don't know. It's left. It's... I don't know.
40:52Oh, wow.
40:54But you like him.
40:57David, you like David.
40:58I... What?
40:59I don't like David. I don't even know David.
41:01It's crazy.
41:02I like David.
41:04I'm fucked.
41:04Yes.
41:05There's something I have to tell you.
41:07About Jason.
41:09He dumped me.
41:11I am well aware of what's going on.
41:14You are?
41:14Yes, I saw him leaving last night.
41:17Oh, that's just part of it. That's not...
41:19Hillary Jean.
41:21I have to say this.
41:22Sweetheart, when are you going to get serious?
41:25You are not a spring chicken anymore.
41:2830 is in the rearview mirror.
41:31And you have nothing to show for it.
41:33No career, no direction, and now I guess no Jason.
41:37Guess again.
41:38I found him sitting in his car. I thought I'd invite him in.
41:42Long story tell you later.
41:43They're still on.
41:44They're still on?
41:46Uh, just so everyone knows, for the record,
41:48none of this is Hillary's fault.
41:50Oh, no.
41:51Okay.
41:51So, um, would you two get a kiss and make up?
41:55No.
41:56Go on.
41:57Come on.
41:59Okay.
42:18Should I call Father Macy?
42:19I don't, I don't know.
42:23No, no, that's fine.
42:24Call, call him.
42:25Call, call him.
42:28I gotta, this, I should go unpack.
42:34Told ya.
42:44Hey, we had a deal, right?
42:49So, is your, is your ex or whatever, is she going to Mexico?
42:54Yep.
42:54Well, that's nice.
42:55Well, that's nice.
42:55You guys should have a good time.
42:57I don't know about me, but I'm sure she and Peggy will have a great time.
43:01What do you mean?
43:04She thought I was giving her the tickets.
43:06Oh.
43:07Ow.
43:08She was just using me.
43:09It's the story of my life.
43:11Always the get-back guy, never just the guy.
43:13You know, don't give her those tickets.
43:19Hi, Liz.
43:20So, do the tickets?
43:23Yeah, about that.
43:24Um, you know, when I told you about these tickets, I was kind of hoping that you and I
43:27would go and have a very nice night.
43:29Wait till Matt finds out that I'm going to Mexico.
43:33Right.
43:33Can we not talk about Matt, maybe?
43:35Oh, my God.
43:36He's going to be so pissed.
43:36Sweetie, hi.
43:39Oh, I'm so sorry, Emily.
43:43I had to meet the caterers.
43:44I had another dress fitting.
43:47I'm sorry.
43:48And you are...
43:49You are...
43:51Lindsay.
43:53Lindsay?
43:56Lindsay, David told me all about you and Playa del Carmen.
43:59God, I guess I'm lucky he's not into party girls, huh?
44:02Did you send her an invite to our wedding?
44:05Wedding?
44:06You didn't send her an invite?
44:08It happened so fast, though.
44:10That's right.
44:11It was just boom, like that.
44:13Love at first sight.
44:14Isn't that right, too?
44:15Mm-hmm.
44:16Awesome.
44:18But can I just have the tickets, please?
44:19Oh, thanks.
44:21David, that's actually why I'm here.
44:24I have to admit, when he first told me about your thing in Mexico, I was jealous.
44:28I was.
44:29In the heat of the moment, I told him to give the vouchers away, right?
44:32Because it's not like we're going to have a honeymoon where he met some girl.
44:34But then, I woke up this morning, and I was like, no.
44:40You know what?
44:40The past is the past.
44:41The heck with it.
44:42I mean, he's marrying me, not you.
44:44So I went online, I traded in the vouchers, and surprise!
44:48Honey, you wouldn't Playa del Carmen!
44:49You didn't!
44:49I did!
44:50Oh, come here.
44:50Bye, Lindsay!
44:55Help!
45:25Singing of the plains
45:29Gloria
45:40In excelsis Deo
45:55Oh that was wonderful
46:02Honey I haven't heard you sing for so long
46:05And the two of you together
46:07Just beautiful
46:08Just beautiful
46:09Jason
46:16Jason
46:19What are you doing here?
46:23I wanted to see you
46:25Who is it honey?
46:28Oh
46:29Mom
46:31Dad
46:31Everybody
46:34This is Jason
46:37Happy holidays everybody
46:40Mom
46:47I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that
46:48But I didn't want to disappoint you
46:49So you bring a total stranger into my house
46:52I would never ever have believed
46:54That you would be capable of doing something so despicable
46:58What were you thinking?
47:00Peter and I are breaking up
47:01Sorry dude
47:06Is there any chance you might still be a lawyer with you?
47:19No
47:20Hillary
47:22Can we talk?
47:26I'm so sorry about David
47:27I don't know
47:28I think I might have lost my mind
47:30I'm so confused
47:31I don't know anything
47:32I don't understand
47:33You do?
47:35Because I don't
47:36People do crazy things when their hearts have been broken
47:39Besides
47:40Arboring grudges is no way for us to start our future together
47:44Our future?
47:46You said I was a mistake
47:48And I don't know if I want to move to Pittsburgh
47:51There is no Pittsburgh
47:52Sharpelle gave the promotion to his idiot nephew
47:56But
47:57None of that matters anymore
48:00Because
48:00Because now we can be together
48:03David
48:14What are you doing?
48:17Well actually I was just going to go talk to Hillary
48:18I think that's a bad idea
48:20In fact I'm very surprised to see that you're still here
48:23Weren't you the one that was paid to fill Jason's shoes?
48:27And now that Jason is here
48:28I really don't think there's any reason for you to stay
48:32Well I
48:33Don't
48:33Don't hurt Hillary's chances
48:35Okay
48:36No, no, no
48:38You know what?
48:40You may think that Jason
48:41Is the perfect son-in-law
48:43But he's not
48:44He walked out on Hillary
48:46She's the one who's perfect
48:48She's kind
48:48And she's beautiful
48:50And she's a gifted writer
48:51Have you ever even read one of her articles?
48:55Chicken cocked this whole thing
48:56Just because she's terrified
48:59Of disappointing you
49:01All she wants is to keep you happy
49:05And Meredith
49:08I'm sorry
49:11That I deceived you
49:12I truly am very sorry
49:14And it's fine if you think that Jason will make her happy
49:17But have you ever
49:19Asked Hillary what will make her happy?
49:23Have you?
49:24Have you?
49:26Kiss me
49:41Kiss me
49:43I really have to get this done
49:45Kiss me like
49:45Like the future Mrs. King
49:47Kiss me like you love me
49:48Hillary
49:48I really don't think your parents asked the place for this
49:50You two love me, right?
49:52Go for King
49:57Bill's gonna be fine
49:59No
49:59Gary will get him to me
50:02I have a question
50:07Does
50:08Um
50:09Jason
50:10The real Jason
50:11Not the fake Jason
50:12Does he have any other talents besides being a good lawyer?
50:18What do you mean?
50:19Can you rig a turkey?
50:21Maybe play a tune?
50:23Jason?
50:25I don't think so
50:26What do you make you sing?
50:30Like you did earlier tonight?
50:35You know
50:35I know it doesn't seem like it
50:37But your mother really just wants you to be happy
50:40Maybe it's time you
50:42Told her what you want
50:44If you know what you want
50:46Mom
50:48Oh Hillary
50:50I'm so sorry, honey
50:54You sent all these beautiful articles
50:57And
50:58I'm sorry
50:59I didn't read them
51:01You've always been a gifted writer
51:03And
51:03And all of those wonderful things
51:05That
51:06David yelled at me
51:07Do you
51:09Love
51:10Jason?
51:12Not
51:12Not
51:12I mean
51:13You know
51:13The real Jason
51:14I know you mean
51:16No
51:20I think I hate him
51:26Me too
51:27Do you love David?
51:37He did
51:37I got to buy you a car
51:58Thanks
52:01I have four copies right
52:03What?
52:06You say my car?
52:08Hillary
52:08What?
52:09Are you
52:10Where are you going?
52:11Where are you going?
52:13I'll call you a cab
52:22I'll call you a cab
52:27I'll call you a cab
52:31Hi
52:39Hi
52:39How did you
52:41I borrowed Jason's car
52:42You and Jason?
52:46Nope
52:47Jason is a total jerk
52:49You're right
52:50And a big mistake
52:51Huge mistake
52:53Huge mistake
52:56Okay
52:57Okay
52:57You're here now
53:00You're here
53:03Mm-hmm
53:03What does that make me?
53:09Not a mistake
53:10Are you
53:12I know you're not
53:14I know you're
53:15I know you're
53:15You're right
53:15But I'm going to
53:16You're here
53:16Oh
53:17Wait
53:18I can't
53:18Hello
53:18You're here
53:18I'm laying
53:19We'll call you
53:20You're here
53:24You're there
53:24You're here
53:28Like
53:30Bell
53:30I know you're
53:31We'll call you
53:32You're here
53:33I know you're
53:35I knew youаг
53:35I don't
53:36Next up
53:37What did you
53:37Must Dylan
53:38write a dale
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1:51:49
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