- 4 months ago
A desperate plumber (Christopher Neil) with gambling debts tries to replace a Picasso with a fake.
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:30Climbing on the 545, feeling good inside.
00:00:37Feel the jets coming alive, coming alive, all right.
00:00:44I know I said I won't come back again, but this city life's broken and done me in.
00:00:52I'm flying back home again.
00:00:55I'm flying home again.
00:00:58I am flying, I am the same way in my life, to be with my baby again.
00:01:08Coming back home again, I won't be in the world again.
00:01:14I am the same way in my life.
00:01:18I am the same way in my life.
00:02:35Hey, Sid.
00:02:37Oh, Sid.
00:03:03Oh, yes.
00:03:07Oh, yes.
00:03:09Oh, yes.
00:03:10Oh, yes.
00:03:12Oh, yes.
00:03:14Oh, yes.
00:03:18Oh, yes.
00:03:20Oh, yes.
00:03:22Oh, yes.
00:03:24Oh, yes.
00:03:33Oh, yes.
00:03:35Oh, yes.
00:03:39Oh, yes.
00:03:41Oh, yes.
00:03:43Oh, yes.
00:03:46Oh, yes.
00:03:48Oh, yes.
00:03:50Oh, yes.
00:03:52Oh, yes.
00:03:54Oh, yes.
00:04:01Oh, yes.
00:04:03Oh, yes.
00:04:05Oh, yes.
00:04:07Oh, yes.
00:04:09Oh, yes.
00:04:11Oh, yes.
00:04:13Oh, yes.
00:04:14Oh, yes.
00:04:16Oh, yes.
00:04:18Oh, yes.
00:04:20Oh, yes.
00:04:22Hmm.
00:04:50Some plumber.
00:04:52Some plumber.
00:04:57you know a lot of people don't you
00:05:27hey well there's people writing to you
00:05:30they're bills darling bills oh bills
00:05:34and after repeated applications having been ignored we shall be forced to reclaim the property
00:05:39within the next 10 days i will
00:05:42there goes the record player oh i didn't know you had a player
00:05:47let's put a record on i told you i'm late look for christ's sake make yourself useful the kettle's
00:05:52boiling it's lovely and warm in here i'll tell you what i'll have a little nap when you've gone to
00:06:00work i'll get up making my speciality i've already had your speciality get your ass out of that bed
00:06:06don't mince your words do you
00:06:08you made that tea yet
00:06:22you made that tea yet
00:06:36i'm already drinking mine
00:06:38well you're not back in bed again
00:06:41well you were leaping up and down on me all night i'm utterly exhausted
00:06:44well i didn't hear you complaining
00:06:46come on girl
00:06:49i'll give you a lift
00:06:50i want to get out of here before
00:06:53bloody hell here he is
00:06:56adolph
00:06:57come on come on
00:06:58it's monday
00:07:07i forgot all about the rent
00:07:09i'm terribly sorry i haven't got it i'm afraid
00:07:11you can't go on being terribly sorry mr south it's five weeks now
00:07:14i'm afraid this matter will shortly be in the implacable hands of our computer
00:07:18not the computer
00:07:21what will it do to me
00:07:22send you an eviction notice
00:07:24no uh you wouldn't like that would you
00:07:26no i wouldn't like that would i
00:07:28you'd better get your finger out haven't you
00:07:30stay
00:07:31here adolph
00:07:34you forgot your machine gun
00:07:36oh mr south there's your gas bill
00:07:43oh and while i'm about it do you mind making a little less noise of the morning
00:07:49it's not that i'm narrow-minded
00:07:50but enough's enough
00:07:52ain't you ready yet what are you hanging about for
00:07:59well have you seen what's happened
00:08:00come on
00:08:01i've seen some dizzy birds in my time but you take the bleeding biscuit
00:08:08oh my god
00:08:16oh my god
00:08:30oh my god
00:08:43oh my god
00:08:44oh my god
00:08:52oh my god
00:08:55oh my god
00:08:59Oh, my God.
00:09:29Oh, my God.
00:09:59All right, I'll see you later then, darling.
00:10:04Ta-ra.
00:10:04What's that supposed to mean?
00:10:06What it says.
00:10:08So that's all it meant.
00:10:09Well, thank you very much.
00:10:11Look, I've got your phone number.
00:10:12I'll call you, all right?
00:10:13Yeah, I'll bet.
00:10:15Once you get what you want, you can't wait to pull the next one, can you?
00:10:18What's that got to do with love?
00:10:20That's what I'd like to know.
00:10:21Oh, good.
00:10:22Who said anything about love?
00:10:23You did, last night.
00:10:25You don't even remember, do you?
00:10:28It so happens I've got feelings.
00:10:30Look, I'll tell you what I do.
00:10:31When I get home tonight, I'll call you, all right?
00:10:32Don't bother.
00:10:33I never want to see you or it again.
00:10:35Shh.
00:10:36Don't you shush me.
00:10:38I want the whole world to know what you're like.
00:10:40Look, everybody, the original Mr. Big.
00:10:43Except where it comes, you male chauvinist pig.
00:10:47Knickers.
00:11:13Hello?
00:11:18B.A. Crapper Limited, plumbing and sanitary installations.
00:11:24Yes.
00:11:25I'm sorry, madam.
00:11:26No, I can't help you.
00:11:28I'm afraid all my men are out on jobs.
00:11:32Well, I'll take the address down.
00:11:34Yes, thank you.
00:11:36Yes, it is humanly possible.
00:11:38Yes, yes.
00:11:40Right, thank you.
00:11:41Bye-bye.
00:11:43Morning, Crabby.
00:11:45Oh!
00:11:48What do you want to do that for?
00:11:49That was red hot.
00:11:51God, I mean, what time do you call this?
00:11:54You should have been here at eight o'clock.
00:11:56Right, what happened?
00:11:58How'd you expect me to run my business with lazy hands like you on the books, eh?
00:12:01Come on, Crabby.
00:12:02I'm up to my eyeballs in debt.
00:12:04Sort us out some decent jobs, will you?
00:12:05As a matter of fact, I was thinking of crossing you off my register.
00:12:08Leave it out.
00:12:09You wouldn't survive without me.
00:12:11You're lucky, as it so happens.
00:12:13Something's just come in.
00:12:14Yeah?
00:12:15Yeah, a bit of plumbing and a lavatory seat to fix.
00:12:20And C...
00:12:21Yeah?
00:12:22Try and do a good job, eh?
00:12:25Eh?
00:12:25Crabby.
00:12:28Easy.
00:12:31I love you.
00:12:32Get out.
00:12:34Don't be so plumbing familiar.
00:12:35Yeah.
00:12:36Ooh, ooh, ooh.
00:12:47Yeah.
00:12:54Yeah.
00:12:54Yeah.
00:13:24Oh, I'm very sorry.
00:13:48It happens all the while.
00:13:50Come in, Mr. Plummer.
00:13:54You don't mind me watching, do you?
00:14:08No, I don't mind you watching.
00:14:12You live here all alone?
00:14:14At the moment.
00:14:16Bill's away.
00:14:16That's my husband.
00:14:18Oh.
00:14:20He's been away almost a year now.
00:14:23I've almost forgotten what he looks like.
00:14:25Are you married?
00:14:28No, it's not my scene.
00:14:30You'd make a lovely husband.
00:14:32What makes you say that?
00:14:33Women get a feeling about these things.
00:14:37Oh, yeah?
00:14:38I must make the bed.
00:14:42Give me a call when you've finished.
00:14:48It's your birthday, dear Sid.
00:14:50It's your birthday, dear Sid.
00:14:52It's your birthday, dear Sidney.
00:14:54I've finished.
00:15:21Oh, God.
00:15:22Do you mind if I take the old seat away?
00:15:24It might come in useful.
00:15:26Do what you like with it.
00:15:29Come and get your money.
00:15:31Door opposite the bathroom.
00:15:32Do what you like with the room.
00:15:43Come in.
00:15:48That'll be 20 pounds.
00:15:50My checkbook's on the dressing table.
00:15:53Would you bring it over here?
00:15:54Sit down.
00:16:17What are you doing?
00:16:18You have me at your mercy.
00:16:20I'm in your power.
00:16:22I'm helpless.
00:16:24Rubbish.
00:16:24They bind me to you.
00:16:26I'm yours.
00:16:27Do with me what you will.
00:16:29Yeah, but you might have waited until I've got my shirt off.
00:16:32Oh.
00:16:33Oh, what a lovely hairy chest.
00:16:35Oh, you're so powerful.
00:16:36So overwhelming.
00:16:38Here.
00:16:39What about your husband?
00:16:41Bill.
00:16:41Where are you?
00:16:43Yeah, where is he?
00:16:44In prison.
00:16:45He won't be out till tomorrow.
00:16:46We've got one whole day to be really naughty.
00:17:09Boyd.
00:17:10Hello, Bill.
00:17:16You want to go straight home?
00:17:33No.
00:17:34No, she's not expecting me till tomorrow.
00:17:37She don't like surprises.
00:17:38By the way, where exactly did you hide him?
00:17:41Oh, God, blimey.
00:17:42I've only been out five minutes.
00:17:45Here, pull up at that phone box.
00:17:46I'm going to ring her.
00:17:48Can't wait to get my teeth in one of her chicken fricassees.
00:17:51Chicken fricassees?
00:17:52200 grand's worth of gold bars hanging about.
00:17:55All you can think about is chicken fricassees.
00:17:57Go, Blom.
00:18:00You are my master.
00:18:02I am your slave.
00:18:04Be rough with me.
00:18:06Quick, quickly.
00:18:07Just a minute.
00:18:11What?
00:18:34Hello?
00:18:34Janice? Hello, my love.
00:18:38It's me, Billy. Yeah.
00:18:42I'm on my way home. Yeah, now.
00:18:46Keep the bed warm, darling, eh?
00:18:54Bloody hell. What? I must have got the day wrong. He's on his way back.
00:18:58What? Trust him to spoil everything. What are you looking for?
00:19:02The key. What key?
00:19:06The key to this. Oh, don't tell me you can't find it.
00:19:10I know. It's in my handbag. Where's that? Downstairs.
00:19:14Right.
00:19:20Help.
00:19:24Oh, I don't know how fancy a drink.
00:19:26Food, sex and drink. That's all you think about.
00:19:30Hold on. I've been inside for more than a year, you know.
00:19:32That was your stupid fault.
00:19:34I could have understood it if you'd have got Nick for the gold,
00:19:36but doing over a copper.
00:19:38I ask ya.
00:19:40Well, I'd had a few, hadn't I? Yeah.
00:19:42Got carried away.
00:19:44Yeah, there's a pub over there.
00:19:46Well, I'd had a few months ago.
00:19:48Wow...
00:19:50Wow...
00:19:52Wow...
00:19:54Wow...
00:19:56Wow...
00:20:10Box!
00:20:12Bloody marvellous.
00:20:20That was smashing.
00:20:21Can I see another one?
00:20:22You still ain't told me what you've done with the gold.
00:20:26I melted it down.
00:20:28You what?
00:20:28Shh!
00:20:30I couldn't keep it hanging about.
00:20:31I had to get rid of it.
00:20:32So, where is it?
00:20:34You're never guessing a million years old, son.
00:20:36Then tell me.
00:20:37It's at home.
00:20:39You must be out of your mind.
00:20:41The police can search there any time.
00:20:43That's right.
00:20:44They already have.
00:20:45Half a dozen times.
00:20:46But they never found anything, never will.
00:20:49Even the old woman don't know where it is.
00:20:50Yeah.
00:20:51Come on.
00:20:51Have another pint.
00:20:58I don't believe you.
00:20:59I don't believe you.
00:21:02Oh, my God.
00:21:07Oh.
00:21:07You crafty old son.
00:21:10That was so simple.
00:21:11I used a welding torch, see?
00:21:13It was a mould that was a difficult part.
00:21:15I tried that plaster of Paris, but it wouldn't stand the heat.
00:21:18So I used clay.
00:21:20Looks like the real thing.
00:21:21Who couldn't tell the difference?
00:21:23Except it's a bit heavy, lad.
00:21:24Yeah.
00:21:26Stroke a bloody genius, wouldn't it?
00:21:28Talk about sitting on a fortune.
00:21:31I'll tell you something else, sunshine.
00:21:33I've got a buyer lined up for it.
00:21:34Drink up, then.
00:21:35Let's not keep him waiting.
00:21:36Let's not keep him waiting.
00:21:36Let's not keep him waiting.
00:21:37Come on.
00:21:37Come on.
00:21:48Come on.
00:21:52It's not there.
00:21:53Wait a minute. I remember now.
00:22:00It's in my housecoat.
00:22:03And where exactly is your housecoat?
00:22:07In the bedroom.
00:22:09In the bedroom.
00:22:19What?
00:22:20Well, you did, Peter.
00:22:41Are you sure it's in your housecoat?
00:22:43I think so.
00:22:50Hang up out, hang up out.
00:22:57It's all right, all right.
00:23:00What was he inside for?
00:23:02Grievous bodily harm.
00:23:04We will be in your housecoat.
00:23:05We'll be there.
00:23:06We'll be there.
00:23:10Oh great.
00:23:10I need you.
00:23:13Come on, in here for me.
00:23:18Go.
00:23:48How much for this, mate?
00:24:06Dear, what's this?
00:24:08It's covered in brown paint.
00:24:10I'll have to pay someone to scrape it off, won't I?
00:24:12What are you talking about? It's an antique.
00:24:14Look, mate, that's all it's worth to me.
00:24:16If you want it back, pick it up and piss off.
00:24:34Watch you, Suze.
00:24:35Hi.
00:24:35What's on today, then, eh?
00:24:36Sausages, all right?
00:24:38I suppose it'll have to be a bottle of brown, please.
00:24:40Here, you look well. You've been away.
00:24:44Yeah, I've been down to my mum's.
00:24:45Costa del Bognor.
00:24:47Oh, yeah.
00:24:52Hello, Blackie.
00:25:06Ain't seen much of you, Blackie, haven't we?
00:25:10You know what I think?
00:25:12I think that you owe someone some money, don't he, Scott?
00:25:15Yeah.
00:25:16Like about 900, Nicker.
00:25:18Well, you don't think I've forgotten, do you?
00:25:20Come on, you know me. I'm a man of me word.
00:25:22So is the Governor.
00:25:24He says some beautiful ones about you.
00:25:26Lovely ones.
00:25:28He even won't die for us.
00:25:29Says here,
00:25:35tell that lying kid
00:25:36that if he don't cough up,
00:25:39he'll break every bone in his horrible body
00:25:42and stuff the bleeding locked down his throat.
00:25:48Nice paligree, eh?
00:25:52Are you threatening me?
00:25:54Do you hear what he says, Stropper?
00:25:55Anything I can get you, boys?
00:26:02That's all right, love.
00:26:03We just popped it to have a talk with our mate here, didn't we?
00:26:06Keep your voice down, Blackie.
00:26:07These people are friends of mine.
00:26:09That's all right.
00:26:10They'll be out of us in hospital, won't they?
00:26:14What do you mean?
00:26:15He says, what do we mean?
00:26:17Oh, leave it out.
00:26:18Look, one hot tip
00:26:19and you lot will be owing me money.
00:26:20You know what it's like.
00:26:21I never know, do you?
00:26:22I can't lose all the time.
00:26:26It's against the law of averages.
00:26:27Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down.
00:26:29Yeah, that's right.
00:26:31And if you don't come up to Reddy's on Saturday,
00:26:34you'll be up.
00:26:36Up the bleeding creek, you understand?
00:26:38All right, all right.
00:26:40Good.
00:26:41Nice to have seen you.
00:26:43Come and, Stropper, you've had your say.
00:26:48Oh.
00:26:50I forgot.
00:26:51I forgot.
00:26:52You know Willie Thompson, don't you?
00:26:55The electrician.
00:26:57Yeah, that's him.
00:26:58He's in St. Martin's Hospital.
00:27:00Why don't you go up and see him?
00:27:02He's had a terrible accident.
00:27:05Like the one you'll be having.
00:27:08Keep healthy.
00:27:22Janice, it's me, darling.
00:27:44I'm home.
00:27:45She must have gone shopping.
00:27:51Yeah, well, I'm not interested in that.
00:27:52All I want to see is that gold.
00:27:54Not only can you see it, old mate,
00:27:56you can bloody use it.
00:27:57Come on up.
00:27:57It's bloody marvellous.
00:28:17You couldn't tell it from the real thing.
00:28:19He's bleeding plastic.
00:28:27You're bloody right.
00:28:29What the hell's going on?
00:28:31Billy!
00:28:34You better start talking, you silly bitch.
00:28:36Where's it gone, then?
00:28:37Who's got it?
00:28:39Where's the lavatory seats you've got in the window?
00:29:02Sir.
00:29:04Very unique piece, sir.
00:29:06Came from a stately home.
00:29:07Eleven quid.
00:29:10I don't want to buy the stately home.
00:29:12Just the lavatory seat.
00:29:13Cost me eight pounds.
00:29:15I've got to make a profit.
00:29:17Make it ten.
00:29:19Five.
00:29:19Six.
00:29:20Five and a half.
00:29:23Okay.
00:29:37aud碗磨瓍 yeux.
00:29:46Willie?
00:30:14Willie?
00:30:16It's going to be a big deal.
00:30:24Hello, Willie.
00:30:26Hello.
00:30:28Some people will do anything to get a day off work.
00:30:31You look like the invisible man.
00:30:37I heard you was laid up, mate. I didn't think it was as bad as this.
00:30:41What happened?
00:30:43Yeah, but who did it?
00:30:49Blackie.
00:30:51Oh, not Blackie. His friend, Stropper.
00:30:55Oh, yeah.
00:30:58Nice fellow, Stropper.
00:31:01Oh.
00:31:03Sorry. I'm sorry, Willie.
00:31:08I'm sorry, Willie.
00:31:10I'm sorry, Willie.
00:31:16Here, look. I bought you a dirty magazine.
00:31:23Oh, yeah. I can see your problem.
00:31:31Cheer up, Willie.
00:31:36Did you hear about the fellow? Had to have his leg amputated.
00:31:39Hmm?
00:31:41When he woke up from the operation, the doctor said,
00:31:43we've got some good news, we've got some bad news.
00:31:46The bad news is we've chopped the wrong leg off.
00:31:50The good news is the other one's got better.
00:31:59How much do you owe him, Willie?
00:32:01It must have been a bloody fortune.
00:32:03Uh-uh.
00:32:04Sixty-three.
00:32:06Sixty-three?
00:32:07Thousand.
00:32:17Sixty-three quid?
00:32:26See you later, Willie.
00:32:31Keep healthy.
00:32:32Oh, well, we've all got our problems.
00:32:46Anyway, what is it? What's wrong?
00:32:48I prefer not to talk about it.
00:32:51Please yourself. I was only trying to help.
00:32:53Get this down, you.
00:33:05Oh, well, I haven't got any...
00:33:07Oh, it's all right. It's on the house.
00:33:08Only a few more minutes to go. I'm off early today.
00:33:16Nice one.
00:33:17Oh, look, there's your two friends.
00:33:20Shh.
00:33:21Not speaking.
00:33:31Friendly some wookiees, isn't he?
00:33:34Come here.
00:33:35Thank you very much.
00:33:40Sit down.
00:33:43Make yourself a tone.
00:33:45Now, then, what have we done to upset you?
00:33:50Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.
00:33:51Well, then.
00:33:53Look, you'll get your money.
00:33:55It's only a few hours since I saw you.
00:33:56Give us a break, for Christ's sake.
00:33:59Have you been to see Willie?
00:34:00Yeah, I saw Willie.
00:34:02Nice fellow, Willie.
00:34:03He didn't deserve that bit of bad luck.
00:34:06And all over a mere sixty-three quid.
00:34:09Ridiculous, isn't it?
00:34:10You made your point.
00:34:12Don't rub it in.
00:34:12Hey, Harry.
00:34:16Oh, well, yeah.
00:34:17I've got to raise nine hundred quid by the end of the week, haven't I?
00:34:19So you have.
00:34:20And I've got an idea.
00:34:22Why don't you go round and see old Dodger?
00:34:25He might be able to help.
00:34:27Dodger Harris?
00:34:29He's as bent as a corkscrew.
00:34:30What, do you think I am? A villain?
00:34:32Did you hear me call him a villain?
00:34:34No.
00:34:34It's you I'm thinking about.
00:34:36Nine hundred quid's not an easy matter to raise in three days.
00:34:40Oh, well, I'm so glad you understand.
00:34:43Of course we understand.
00:34:45That's why I said go round and see old Dodger.
00:34:49Because if you don't cough up, what happened to Willie will seem like an itchy elbow compared to what's going to happen to you.
00:34:57Thanks a lot.
00:35:02Don't mention it.
00:35:03See you Saturday.
00:35:05Oh, by the way, here's Dodger's card.
00:35:09I'll tell him to expect you.
00:35:11Keep healthy.
00:35:12Where are you going now, then? Home?
00:35:25No, I might as well stay here and slash me wrist.
00:35:28Look, I'll tell you what.
00:35:29Why don't you come back with me?
00:35:30I'll cook you a nice meal.
00:35:42Yes, Sid, what do those two fellas want today in the pub?
00:35:49And that concludes our programs for this evening.
00:35:53It only remains for me, Joseph Gannon, on behalf of all of us here, to wish you a very good...
00:35:58Oh, my God.
00:37:28I gave your wife one. I mean, I gave your wife a brand new one.
00:37:32And she still hasn't paid for it.
00:37:33Don't get phony with us, son.
00:37:35You'll get this down the back of your throat.
00:37:38Where is it?
00:37:40I sold it.
00:37:42You what?
00:37:43Who to?
00:37:45A junk shop.
00:37:47You sold it to a junk shop.
00:37:49Ah, that's nice.
00:37:52Come on, you.
00:37:53Where are we going?
00:37:54Where do you, Frank?
00:37:55I'm not open.
00:38:22Look, I made a mistake yesterday.
00:38:24That bog seat is a family heirloom or something.
00:38:26The owner wants it back.
00:38:27Well, he can't have it. It's gone.
00:38:29What do you mean, gone?
00:38:30I've sold it.
00:38:31Oh, Christ. Who, too?
00:38:32How should I know? I've never seen him before.
00:38:35Now, piss off.
00:38:36I'm going back to bed.
00:38:39Who are you?
00:38:40No, I don't mind about that for us.
00:38:41If we don't get our seat back, you're for it.
00:38:44Who was it?
00:38:45I told him. I don't know.
00:38:47Did he pay you by check?
00:38:48Yeah.
00:38:49Well, I've still got it.
00:38:50Let's have a look.
00:39:00We've saved ourselves a bit of trouble.
00:39:01He's put his address on the back.
00:39:10Right.
00:39:15Now, get in there and get it back.
00:39:17Don't forget, son, we're watching you.
00:39:19What am I going to say?
00:39:20You ain't been lost for word so far.
00:39:21Go on, get going.
00:39:24Clumsy son.
00:39:25I bought it legally.
00:39:44I paid for it and I got a receipt.
00:39:46But it wasn't mine to sell.
00:39:48Look, you changed the seat, right?
00:39:50Yeah, but it was a mistake.
00:39:52Well, I consider that everything was in order.
00:39:54You were entitled to take it.
00:39:56I'm entitled to keep it.
00:39:58But you've got to sell it back to me.
00:39:59If you don't, I'll...
00:40:00If you don't, I'll call the police
00:40:02and tell them you're receiving stolen property.
00:40:05I was just about to let you have it.
00:40:07No, I'm damned if I will.
00:40:09Get out of here before I throw you out.
00:40:24He won't sell it back.
00:40:27When he?
00:40:28Well, we'll see about that.
00:40:29Come on.
00:40:30Where's your old man we want to talk with?
00:40:50Who are you?
00:40:52Never mind who we are.
00:40:54Where is he?
00:40:55I'll get him.
00:40:56You wait in there.
00:40:57Go on, then.
00:40:59Henry!
00:41:00Henry!
00:41:01Henry.
00:41:02Henry.
00:41:09Did you see her face?
00:41:11She's scared.
00:41:12Yeah.
00:41:12We have to show him you mean business, don't you?
00:41:14Why?
00:41:15Tell you what.
00:41:16We'll give him one last chance to sell it back.
00:41:18And if you don't,
00:41:20we'll do it the hard way.
00:41:22Do you remember that bloke we did it to?
00:41:24Yes, gentlemen.
00:41:24What can I do for you?
00:41:31Those are the men you were talking about?
00:41:33Yeah.
00:41:33Oh, I know them.
00:41:35Right pair of villains they are.
00:41:36Yeah, well, they made me come here.
00:41:37I didn't want to threaten anyone.
00:41:38Now, hello.
00:41:39Hello.
00:41:40Chief Inspector Walling's here.
00:41:42I think I've got a lead for you
00:41:44on that Union Safe Deposit job.
00:41:46Here, pick me up at my house
00:41:47as soon as you can, will you?
00:41:50Right, well, I'll be off, then.
00:41:52Just a minute.
00:41:54You know,
00:41:56I believe there's more
00:41:57to that lavatory seat
00:41:59than we thought.
00:42:00All this fuss over a bog seat.
00:42:03Scrape the paint off.
00:42:12Well?
00:42:12It's brass.
00:42:16Just as I thought.
00:42:17It's gold.
00:42:19Solid gold.
00:42:22I'll need you down at the station.
00:42:24Not you lot.
00:42:43I've had just about enough for one day.
00:42:46I'm afraid you've got another problem.
00:42:48What's this?
00:42:48Your eviction papers.
00:42:51Sorry, but I did warn you,
00:42:52didn't I, Mr. South?
00:42:54Good day.
00:42:54Good day.
00:42:54Good night.
00:43:02Alright.
00:43:33Come in.
00:43:49Told you, Harris.
00:43:50Yeah.
00:43:52Oh, come in, lad. Come in, come in.
00:43:54Sit down, sit down.
00:44:00Now, what've I got to do for you?
00:44:01I need some money. Fast.
00:44:05I believe you might have a few ideas.
00:44:07My team's with them.
00:44:10Might want to inquire why you want this money. Fast.
00:44:13Yeah, well, the bookies are after me for 900 quid.
00:44:16If you don't have the money by Saturday at the latest...
00:44:18Oh, dear.
00:44:21Oh, you do have a problem.
00:44:23Well, that's why I'm here.
00:44:26Somebody recommended you to me.
00:44:28Who was this someone?
00:44:29Blackie.
00:44:31Oh, Blackie.
00:44:32Any friend of Blackie's is a friend of Blackie's.
00:44:37Yeah, well, he's not really a friend.
00:44:39In fact, it was him who threatened to do me in.
00:44:42Oh, dear.
00:44:44What experience have you got?
00:44:45Well, I'm a plumber.
00:44:47A plumber?
00:44:48Ever been in any trouble?
00:44:50No, of course not.
00:44:51That's a pity.
00:44:54Look, I don't want to do anything illegal.
00:44:57Perish the thought.
00:45:00Do you ever get seasick?
00:45:02Well, I'm all right in a rowing boat.
00:45:03It's just I've got this something being dropped off a fishing boat off the south coast.
00:45:08I'm looking for a likely lad to pick it up.
00:45:10How about that?
00:45:11What is it?
00:45:12Look, don't ask any questions.
00:45:13And if anybody asks you any questions, you don't know any answers.
00:45:15Right?
00:45:17No.
00:45:18You'll need a frogman suit.
00:45:19An oxygen lung.
00:45:22Then you'll go down.
00:45:24Twenty fathoms.
00:45:27I can't swim.
00:45:30Oh, right.
00:45:34Oh, here's something right up your street.
00:45:36Juris shop.
00:45:37Not a smash and grab.
00:45:39For some, perhaps, but not for you.
00:45:41There's a professional group.
00:45:43A highly professional group.
00:45:45And they're looking for a modicum of information.
00:45:48What sort of information?
00:45:49Well, they want a sketch map of the basement showing the water pipes, gas mains, an alarm system.
00:45:54And as a plumber, of course, you've got a perfect cover.
00:45:55You just call in, say, I'm checking the water pressure.
00:45:58You're in.
00:45:59Well, that's not worth 900 quid, is it?
00:46:02Moral less.
00:46:03Moral less, sir.
00:46:04How about?
00:46:08What's the address?
00:46:09Well, I've seen the heart rate.
00:46:11You've got a cup of water.
00:46:11Because I've seen the air we've got a lot of water.
00:46:15I've seen the air we've got a little bit of water.
00:46:20You've got a little bit of water.
00:46:22Actually, I wasn't aware we had any trouble with the pressure.
00:46:25actually I wasn't aware we have any trouble with the pressure we can never
00:46:39get any hot water though maybe it's a thermostat perhaps you'd like to have a
00:46:46look at it while you're down here all right well you don't have to hang
00:46:52about I'll call you for the evening oh oh we're not busy but maybe I'll learn
00:46:56something yeah yeah well it's probably your safety valve
00:47:22mr. Bradley oh no I'll leave you to it now I think they need me upstairs
00:47:52so
00:47:56so
00:48:01so
00:48:05so
00:48:09so
00:48:17yeah yeah right yeah
00:48:36yeah yeah right yeah right right yeah right I say you've done a good job
00:48:53they're going in tomorrow night tomorrow night can't you let me have a bit on
00:48:58account look the moment I get my commission you get your fee what could be
00:49:03fair isn't that
00:49:08you don't look at all well Sid oh I'm all right just been up to me eyeballs in it
00:49:15lately that's all you didn't mind me popping in did you of course not
00:49:21what's the matter
00:49:23well Susie things have been a bit difficult lately
00:49:29what with the bills and the rent things have been getting out of hand
00:49:34what do you mean
00:49:35come on you can tell me
00:49:40the trouble shared and all that
00:49:42no you got your own problems you don't hear about mine
00:49:44besides
00:49:47you're a bit special sis
00:49:50you're not like the rest
00:49:53Sid
00:49:54why can't you confide in me eh
00:49:56I'm sure it'd help
00:49:58well maybe one day
00:50:00but I've got to get myself straightened out first
00:50:03in the meantime I don't want you worrying on my account
00:50:07here look
00:50:09I better get some sleep
00:50:13you could stay here you know
00:50:15no I think I better go around don't you
00:50:21hey
00:50:43hey what's going on in there
00:50:59what's going on in there
00:51:11what I know
00:51:12no bloody on here
00:51:13where's the side
00:51:15how can I see in this stream
00:51:18how can I see in this stream
00:51:32you got your leg cool
00:51:33you got your leg cool
00:51:35here you go
00:51:38A bit of this steam will slam you up.
00:51:42Come on, you let go.
00:51:44Come on, you let go.
00:51:45Bring it out.
00:51:46Here you go.
00:52:02Close your body, boy! Let's get out of here!
00:52:04Get out of here!
00:52:08Get out of here!
00:52:14Get out of here!
00:52:38Get out of here!
00:52:40Get out of here!
00:52:44Get out of here!
00:52:52Crappy!
00:52:56Mr Crapper!
00:52:58All right, all right!
00:53:08Where did you spring from? I thought you'd retired!
00:53:10Yeah, well, I've been busy.
00:53:12Not for me, you haven't.
00:53:14You got any jobs in?
00:53:16Couple of jobs coming this morning.
00:53:20Crappy, can you lend me some money?
00:53:21I'm a bit skint.
00:53:22Yeah, all right. Bye, yeah.
00:53:24When you finish your jobs?
00:53:25Oh, come on, look.
00:53:26I just need a tenner. A fiver will do.
00:53:28Yeah, I must say I'll do get a laugh out of you, son.
00:53:30Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh.
00:53:32Come on, kid.
00:53:34Here.
00:53:50You phoned for a plumber?
00:53:51Did we?
00:53:53Oh, yeah.
00:53:54I think so.
00:53:57That'll be the wife's department.
00:53:59Maisie! The plumber's here!
00:54:04Oh, you've come to fix the garbage disposal. This way.
00:54:17We only moved in a month ago, and nothing seems to work.
00:54:21First it was the cooker, then during the heatwave the fridge went wrong.
00:54:25All the food went off.
00:54:26Then I had a problem with my dishwasher.
00:54:28Smashed up all my crockery.
00:54:30Sound like the original calamity, Jane.
00:54:32You can say that again.
00:54:34There doesn't seem to be much wrong with this.
00:54:37I don't even think it's a plumbing job.
00:54:39I think you've got a wire loose here.
00:54:41Look, do you mind switching it on?
00:54:43Ah!
00:54:44Ah!
00:54:45Ah!
00:54:46Ah!
00:54:47Ah!
00:54:48Ah!
00:54:49Ah!
00:54:50Ah!
00:54:51Ah!
00:54:52Ah!
00:54:53Ah!
00:54:54Ah!
00:54:55Ah!
00:54:56Ah!
00:54:57Ah!
00:54:58Ah!
00:54:59Ah!
00:55:00Ah!
00:55:01Ah!
00:55:02Ah!
00:55:03Ah!
00:55:04Ah!
00:55:05Ah!
00:55:06Ah!
00:55:07Ah!
00:55:08I don't know.
00:55:38I don't know.
00:56:08I don't know.
00:56:38I don't know.
00:57:08I don't know.
00:57:38I don't know.
00:58:08I don't know.
00:58:10I don't know.
00:58:12I don't know.
00:58:14I don't know.
00:58:16I don't know.
00:58:24I don't know.
00:58:26I don't know.
00:58:28I don't know.
00:58:30I swear it was a fabulous weekend.
00:58:32Well, I was supposed to come.
00:58:34Yeah, what happened to you?
00:58:36Did you go to Copenhagen?
00:58:38I skipped Copenhagen.
00:58:40Did you do?
00:58:42Um, I had a very nice weekend.
00:58:44Do you remember that photographer guy that I told you about ages ago, the one I thought
00:58:50was really chic and fancy?
00:58:52One with a very tight genie, do you know?
00:58:54The open shirts?
00:58:55Well, I got a call on Friday.
00:58:56Well, I got a call on Friday.
00:58:57So tell me what happened.
00:58:58Well, he asked me away for the weekend.
00:59:00Yes.
00:59:01So, then I phoned into the agency, claimed I was six, grabbed Copenhagen, and we went
00:59:06to the new forest.
00:59:07Really?
00:59:08Mm, in that snazzy little sports car, of course.
00:59:10You can't do much in that, because we really tried.
00:59:13You know what?
00:59:14What happened?
00:59:15Well, geez, that car might well be snazzy, but it's definitely no love bug, I tell you.
00:59:20Honestly, I think I had so battered and bruised me that thing.
00:59:23I never explained those ways to Terry.
00:59:26Anyway, so, eventually, he had to go off the road, couldn't stand it any longer.
00:59:31Yeah?
00:59:32Go on.
00:59:33Well, I tell you one thing, the fantasy about having it off in a cornfield just doesn't
00:59:37work.
00:59:38Oh, that's impossible.
00:59:40A, the cornfield is too high, and B, it's so stony, you don't know what to do.
00:59:44So we gave that up, and I just got muddied.
00:59:46But I will say one thing, he chose a really super hotel, and you can't tell me any guy
00:59:52hadn't pre-planned that.
00:59:53He knew what he was doing.
00:59:55Oh, the water's lovely and warm.
00:59:57I will put it now.
00:59:58Yes.
01:00:01Oh, do you know what?
01:00:03What?
01:00:04The bed there was at least eight foot wide.
01:00:06Oh, did we have a super time?
01:00:09I tell you something, we must have used every inch of that bed.
01:00:12Really?
01:00:13Oh, and do you know my fantasy?
01:00:15What?
01:00:16Yes.
01:00:17Well, I really did it this time.
01:00:18I went through with it.
01:00:20And you know what?
01:00:21It really worked.
01:00:22I went into the bathroom, and I knew he thought I was going to come out with some cheap negligence
01:00:27on, but I didn't.
01:00:28I did it.
01:00:29A full strip.
01:00:30One stocking out the door.
01:00:31Two stockings out the door.
01:00:32I'd rather do that turn him on.
01:00:34Oh, you know what?
01:00:35I think after that we must have screwed for at least four hours.
01:00:39Do you know what I want?
01:00:40Oh.
01:00:41Oh, my boy.
01:00:42Oh.
01:00:43Oh, my boy.
01:00:44Hello.
01:00:45Hello.
01:01:15Turn that engine off.
01:01:22I can't stop Black Elm late.
01:01:25Yeah, two days late. Add his dropper.
01:01:28What do you mean?
01:01:29We said Saturday, remember?
01:01:31We was waiting at pub for hours and hours.
01:01:34Look, I've got to go. I've got an appointment with a very important man.
01:01:37What are you doing?
01:01:39It's what we've got to do. Cop that bike.
01:01:42Right. This is for starters.
01:01:45Here, leave that bike alone.
01:01:47Get off that bike, you berk. You ain't even got a license.
01:01:51Look, it's all fixed up. I'm doing this job for Dodger.
01:01:55He's going to let me have 900 quid by the end of next week, latest.
01:01:58What little job?
01:02:00I can't tell you, can I? You know what line of business he's in. You put me onto him.
01:02:04I've learnt my bleeding lesson. I never want to see another Bucky till the day I die.
01:02:08That day may come sooner than you think.
01:02:11Tuesday. Make it Tuesday, I'll tell him it's a matter of life and death.
01:02:15It is!
01:02:16Well, look, actually, er...
01:02:18He's given me a thousand.
01:02:20And I want you to have the other hundred.
01:02:22Why?
01:02:23Well...
01:02:25Well, I've kept you waiting, Blackie.
01:02:28And I don't like owing people money, do I?
01:02:36Hundred, is it?
01:02:38Right. I believe you. But you'll never see Wednesday if you let us down on Tuesday.
01:02:45Them's me last words.
01:02:47Hop it.
01:02:49What happened?
01:02:58The geys are overheated.
01:03:00And set off the alarm in the sprinkler system.
01:03:03Great.
01:03:04Plain bloody bad luck.
01:03:07The boys lost all their gear.
01:03:09Anyway, they didn't get caught and that's what matters.
01:03:11What about me? I'm right in it!
01:03:13In this game, you take the rough with the smooth.
01:03:17Anyway, think the commission I lost.
01:03:19Dodger.
01:03:20I've got other things on me mind.
01:03:22I could be dead in two days.
01:03:24We'll find something for you.
01:03:29Here, look.
01:03:31Ideal.
01:03:32You can't fail.
01:03:33It's money in your pocket.
01:03:34What is it?
01:03:43Christ, these are a bit strong, aren't they?
01:03:45Well, the gentleman in question has been a naughty boy.
01:03:48And I don't suppose for one moment he'd like the pictures to go to his dear wife.
01:03:52So wander around and offer him the negatives.
01:03:55Go for the highest price.
01:03:56I'd start at about 5,000.
01:04:00That's blackmail.
01:04:01Blackmail.
01:04:02Blackmail.
01:04:03Blackmail, Sidney, is an ugly word.
01:04:06You are a salesman.
01:04:08You have a commodity.
01:04:10So you take it to the highest bidder.
01:04:12If the first potential customer doesn't want to know,
01:04:15you go to the second potential customer.
01:04:18Sounds all right when you put it like that.
01:04:20Of course it does.
01:04:21This charter is a rich man.
01:04:23You've got a string of massage parlours.
01:04:26He's the answer to all your problems.
01:04:28But a lot depends on how you handle the sale.
01:04:31So put on your best suit.
01:04:33Cut a dash.
01:04:34Look prosperous.
01:04:35Tell him it's big business.
01:04:38Impress him.
01:04:41I haven't got a suit.
01:04:43And under the terms of the settlement, one half of the net profits are incorporated in the agreement.
01:05:03I am, however, negotiating cash settlement.
01:05:07But until this has been sorted out, I'm not in a position to discuss any new partnership agreement.
01:05:13I'll be in touch with you.
01:05:15Immediately the situation has been ratified.
01:05:18Yours sincerely, A. R. Chartres.
01:05:22A Mr. South is outside. He'd like to have a word with me.
01:05:24Oh, who the hell is he?
01:05:26You know I don't see anybody except by appointment.
01:05:28I told him and he wouldn't go away.
01:05:30He asked me to give you this. He said you'd understand.
01:05:35Yes, I think I do understand.
01:05:38Show Mr. South in, will you?
01:05:41Oh, by the way, what's Belinda doing?
01:05:45Oh, nothing at the moment. One of her clients just cancelled.
01:05:48Mr. Chartres will see you.
01:05:50Ah, Mr...
01:05:52South.
01:05:53Mr. South.
01:05:54Now, while I'm getting dressed, I'd like you to enjoy a vigorating massage on the house.
01:05:59No, thanks. I've come to discuss business.
01:06:01Yes, of course, but I'd like you to be completely relaxed so you'd be in a better condition to discuss business.
01:06:07Yeah, all right. But I'm a busy man, Mr. Chartres. I want to get this matter over and done with.
01:06:18I hope you fully appreciate the delicacy of the situation. You are a reasonable man, I understand.
01:06:24Oh, I am, Mr. South. I am. Just lie down there and enjoy yourself. Come and see me in my office when you've finished.
01:06:34What's your name then, eh?
01:06:48Not speaking?
01:06:50That's all right.
01:06:52I like a bit of mystery, am I willing? Not too much so.
01:06:56Oh, that's nice.
01:07:00Oh.
01:07:04Oh, I'll tell you what. You can eat crackers in my bed any time. Eh?
01:07:23Oh, Christ!
01:07:24Oh!
01:07:25Ow!
01:07:26Ow!
01:07:30Oh!
01:07:31Me leg! You're breaking me leg! You're breaking me leg!
01:07:34Get off! Get off!
01:07:38Oh. Get off!
01:07:40Oh! Get off!
01:07:41No, no, no, no, no, no!
01:07:45Ooh!
01:07:46Ah!
01:07:47Oh!
01:07:48Ow!
01:07:49No, no, not that!
01:07:51No!
01:07:52Ah!
01:07:58Oh!
01:07:59Easy!
01:08:00Oh!
01:08:01Oh!
01:08:02Oh!
01:08:03Oh!
01:08:04Oh!
01:08:05Oh!
01:08:06Oh!
01:08:07Oh!
01:08:08Oh!
01:08:09Oh!
01:08:10Enjoying yourself?
01:08:12Oh!
01:08:13Well, that'll teach you to try blackmailing me, you little bastard.
01:08:16And you can tell whoever it was who sent you that they can stuff the rest of those photographs
01:08:20because they're not worth the paper they've printed on them.
01:08:22Oh, your wife!
01:08:23What about your wife?
01:08:24I haven't got one.
01:08:25We were divorced a year ago.
01:08:31Hello, Dodger.
01:08:35Charteress was divorced a year ago.
01:08:37Why don't you get your record straight?
01:08:39I nearly had me bleeding neck broken!
01:08:41Story of my life, Sidney.
01:08:42You know, I've never got nothing straight.
01:08:44I'm not interested in your life, Dodger.
01:08:46I'm at death's door!
01:08:47Yeah, well, don't panic, Sidney.
01:08:48I mean, old Dodger will pull something out of the hat.
01:08:50I mean, how do you think I've survived so far?
01:08:52That's a bloody good question.
01:08:54Look, I've got something special for you, Sidney.
01:08:57A certain gentleman whose name cannot be divulged, but if he's not short of a small fortune or two,
01:09:04is desirous of laying his hands on a certain work of art.
01:09:07Eh?
01:09:08Have you heard of Picasso?
01:09:10Now, look.
01:09:11I'm not having anything to do with the Mafia.
01:09:14The Mafia is pig ignorant.
01:09:16Picasso is one of the greatest painters ever, and one of his masterpieces is hanging on the wall of a mansion not very far from here.
01:09:24Go on.
01:09:25I want you, dear Sidney, to obtain it by fair means or foul, and hang in its place this copy which I've had prepared at great expense.
01:09:33Well, you're not asking me to pinch a painting.
01:09:36I'm not asking you to pinch a painting.
01:09:38I'm asking you to arrange a swapping.
01:09:40And what happens when they find out?
01:09:42Find out?
01:09:43They couldn't tell a pig arse-o from a giraffe's arse-o.
01:09:47How do I get into the place?
01:09:50Pull the old waterboard routine again.
01:09:52Say you've gone round to check the water pressure, and while you're at it, suss the joint out.
01:09:56Then, having secreted this copy somewhere about your person at the appropriate moment, swap it.
01:10:03Swap it.
01:10:05Swap it.
01:10:06Swap it.
01:10:07And this time nothing can go wrong.
01:10:09Old Dodger gives you his personal guarantee.
01:10:12After all, it's only a swapping.
01:10:15The
01:10:16Swap it.
01:10:17It's only a swapping.
01:10:20If you're a swapping.
01:10:21We're in a
01:10:22ropriate
01:10:22And this time nothing can go wrong
01:10:24or we're in a
01:10:25이너
01:10:27We're on a
01:10:28sandwich.
01:10:29You're not
01:10:30We're in a
01:10:31table.
01:10:32You're in a
01:10:33table.
01:10:34You're in a
01:10:35table.
01:10:35You're in a
01:10:38table.
01:10:39You're in a
01:10:40table.
01:10:41You're in a
01:10:42table.
01:10:43What are you doing standing there without a drink in your hand?
01:11:00Sakes alive!
01:11:01There's enough liquor around here to sink a battleship.
01:11:04Lucinda, honey!
01:11:05There!
01:11:06No one shall ever say Loretta Proudfoot lacks one, a odor of southern hospitality.
01:11:12Even though she is 6,000 miles away from home.
01:11:15Oh, you're Mrs. Proudfoot?
01:11:17Oh, I'm sorry, honey. I thought you were a guest.
01:11:20Oh, no, I'm a plumber.
01:11:22A plumber? Did I call for a plumber?
01:11:25The council sent me. Your water pressure's all over the place.
01:11:28Loretta, darling, you've been holding out on me.
01:11:32Where have you been hiding this one?
01:11:34This is Hubert, one of my dearest friends.
01:11:37Hubert, meet, um...
01:11:39Sid.
01:11:41Oh, what a lovely name.
01:11:44He's a plumber.
01:11:45A plumber? How interesting.
01:11:48Well, you can shove your plunge around my S-bend any day.
01:11:52I thought you'll have a bleeding head with it.
01:11:56Long time.
01:11:58He's so butch, dear.
01:12:00I'll see you later, halfway.
01:12:02You must forgive Hubert.
01:12:03He's not afraid to say exactly how he feels.
01:12:04That's all right. Don't bother me.
01:12:05Good, cos I believe in everybody being themselves.
01:12:06My late husband, who was a psychiatrist, always said the trouble with the world was sexual frustration.
01:12:23Very true.
01:12:25So every now and again I like to have a little get-together where all my friends can lose all their inhibitions.
01:12:32Oh, yeah. You mean sort of, uh, let it all hang out?
01:12:36Exactly.
01:12:38Oh, Robin, honey, this is Sid.
01:12:40My, Samantha's got a sparkle in her eye tonight, haven't you, honey?
01:12:45She's sparkling at everybody.
01:12:47Well, I can't keep her away from the men, and you know what I'm like.
01:12:51I get so jealous.
01:12:52I was in two minds about coming tonight, but she insisted, didn't you, dear?
01:12:56Oh, she couldn't wait to lose her inhibitions.
01:12:59The moment she stepped into the room, she took all her clothes off.
01:13:02With a body like that, how can you blame her?
01:13:05Hasn't she got the most beautiful shade?
01:13:10Oh, it's fantastic.
01:13:11Tell me.
01:13:12Do you think I was right to bring her?
01:13:14Yeah, I know why you're saying that.
01:13:18You fancy her yourself, don't you?
01:13:20Now, no, Robin.
01:13:22Sid is not a man to step in between two people who love each other.
01:13:26You really must try to stop being so jealous,
01:13:29and I mustn't keep you from your duties for one moment longer.
01:13:44All right.
01:13:45Are you fine?
01:13:47Let's go.
01:13:48Come on, go.
01:13:49Go to bed.
01:13:50Come on.
01:13:51Go to bed.
01:13:54Come on.
01:13:55All right.
01:13:56Come on, go to bed.
01:13:57Yeah, come on.
01:13:58Come on.
01:13:59The bed is on bed.
01:14:00Come on.
01:14:01Come on, go on.
01:14:02Go to bed, go on.
01:14:03Come on.
01:14:04Come on.
01:14:05How are you doing this?
01:14:06Come on.
01:14:07Come on.
01:14:08Come on.
01:14:09Come on.
01:14:10Are you enjoying yourself, honey?
01:14:11Fine.
01:14:12Fine. By the way, what actually is wrong with my wolder?
01:14:17Oh, well, it's not running properly. It's throwing the whole area out of balance.
01:14:33Excuse me.
01:14:37Excuse me. You've got my plunger.
01:14:41What?
01:14:42Well, it's stuck to your heart. Well, I'll have to have it back.
01:14:44Do you mind?
01:14:47Well, I've got to get it back.
01:14:59Okay, everyone, it's time to go fishing.
01:15:02Now, you all know the rules.
01:15:04Each one of you has to fish for his or her partner,
01:15:07and once you've hooked them, they yo's for the night.
01:15:10One, two, three, everyone into the water!
01:15:14Well, I've got to get to the water!
01:15:16Oh, yeah!
01:15:17No!
01:15:18No!
01:15:19No!
01:15:20No!
01:15:21No!
01:15:22No!
01:15:23No!
01:15:24No!
01:15:25No!
01:15:26No!
01:15:27No!
01:15:28Ah!
01:15:58Ah!
01:16:06Ah!
01:16:08Oh no!
01:16:08Oh no, no!
01:16:10Look!
01:16:11I'm only the plumber!
01:16:13I'm only the plumber!
01:16:15I'm only the plumber!
01:16:18My Picasso's in the water. Somebody fish it out. The colors are run.
01:16:33You. You took it. You're not a plumber. You're a thief.
01:16:38The police. Somebody ring for the police.
01:16:42I'm not a thief. It belongs to me.
01:16:44It belongs to you. It's mine. There's not another like it in the whole wide world.
01:16:49Your bleeding Picasso's hanging on a wall. Turn around. Have a look.
01:16:53What's that doing there, then?
01:16:56It's not worth tons. It's a copy.
01:16:59A copy? I know what you're gonna do.
01:17:14It's a man. He's killed a man.
01:17:19He's done a rift.
01:17:22Oh, you got it.
01:17:28No, I didn't get it.
01:17:29Why not?
01:17:32There was a party going on, and one thing led to another, and I didn't do the swap.
01:17:37Look, Dodger, I'm not interested in any more of your little schemes.
01:17:40As much as I need the money, I don't fancy spending next Christmas inside.
01:17:44Oh, well, Sidney, remember the old saying,
01:17:47if at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again.
01:17:51I'm not trying anything else. That's final.
01:17:53Oh, that's a shame, Sidney, because I've got a smasher here.
01:17:57You couldn't go roll with this one.
01:17:59Tire of London?
01:18:02Dodger.
01:18:03Stuff it.
01:18:21Good morning.
01:18:34Good morning.
01:18:35Do you, er, you buy bikes?
01:18:37Yeah.
01:18:38And what about this smiter machine out here now?
01:18:41I'll have a look at it.
01:18:51Done a lot of mileage, ain't it?
01:19:01Just goes to show how honest I am.
01:19:04I could have easily fixed the clock.
01:19:06Tires are well worn.
01:19:07Oh, come on, what's a couple of tires?
01:19:10We want parts changed.
01:19:12Well, no, I've got to sell it, actually.
01:19:14I don't want to, but I've got no choice.
01:19:16Need money in hurry, do you?
01:19:18No, no, I know this geezer who's selling a sports car.
01:19:21Real bargain.
01:19:22But unless I give him the money today, no go.
01:19:25Where's the registration book?
01:19:32Any higher purchase on it?
01:19:34Yeah, why?
01:19:35How many payments you made?
01:19:37Two.
01:19:40You can't sell it.
01:19:41It's not yours to sell.
01:19:43Well, it's my property, I bought it, didn't I?
01:19:46It's not your property until you've made the last payment.
01:19:50You mean I can't sell it anywhere?
01:19:52It's not yours to sell.
01:19:54You try selling that bike for anybody else,
01:19:56and you'll get put inside.
01:20:01Oh, you're not going away.
01:20:03Yeah, I've come to say goodbye.
01:20:05I've got myself a job on one of them oil rigs.
01:20:07I'll be earning thousands.
01:20:10I suppose that's good news.
01:20:12When do you leave?
01:20:15Today.
01:20:18Wish I could come with you.
01:20:20Well, I'll be back in a few months.
01:20:22My pockets will be bulging.
01:20:23We'll have a great time.
01:20:24Go everywhere, see everything.
01:20:26Twenty, Daniels, please.
01:20:28But...
01:20:30Thank you, ma'am.
01:20:34Thank you, ma'am.
01:20:35No.
01:20:36Come on.
01:20:41So...
01:21:12Just going down the bank.
01:21:39Get the money.
01:21:40That's all right.
01:21:41We'll walk down there with you.
01:21:42Keep you company, won't we, stopper?
01:21:46You still don't trust me, do you, eh?
01:21:49I'm not going to emigrate.
01:21:50It's only a thousand quid.
01:21:51Yeah, that's all right.
01:21:52We'll still walk down there with you.
01:21:54Governor's orders.
01:21:57Yeah, well, you don't have to put yourselves out.
01:21:59You sound like you're doing us with you, Sid.
01:22:02You're not trying anything on, are you?
01:22:04Don't tear his clothes.
01:22:09They'll be worth a few quid when we get them off him.
01:22:15On second thoughts.
01:22:19Come on, Blackie, the bank will be closed.
01:22:21So what?
01:22:22You ain't got nothing in it.
01:22:23I ain't thick.
01:22:24What's in the bag?
01:22:28Well, it's me laundry.
01:22:30I passed the laundry on the way to the bank.
01:22:32Open it up.
01:22:33You're dead right.
01:22:44You ain't emigrating.
01:22:46They don't take cripples in these foreign countries.
01:22:51Stropper, your moment has come.
01:22:57I never did you any harm.
01:22:59I didn't say you did.
01:23:01It's me job, innit?
01:23:02You never gave me a chance.
01:23:08You didn't give me enough time.
01:23:10You're breaking me bleeding heart.
01:23:13Stropper.
01:23:17Sister, it's your private business.
01:23:20My apologies, but I have to speak to Mr. South.
01:23:22So do we, and we saw him first.
01:23:24I'm from the Bovine Insurance Company.
01:23:27He won't be needing any.
01:23:28Push off.
01:23:29I'm not selling insurance.
01:23:30Yes, but I know you.
01:23:32I was at the police station when you made a statement about that lavatory seat.
01:23:37That was right.
01:23:38Yeah.
01:23:38I remember.
01:23:39I'm pleased to inform you, Mr. South, that you are due for the reward.
01:23:43A thousand pounds.
01:23:44A thousand pounds.
01:23:44We're giving information leading to the recovery of stolen property.
01:23:48If you just sign this receipt.
01:23:53Turn your back, Stropper.
01:23:54My apologies for the interruption, gentlemen.
01:24:02Good day.
01:24:06A thousand quid.
01:24:08Where's your bank?
01:24:13Mr. Rockefeller.
01:24:15Hello, boy.
01:24:16I heard all about your windfall.
01:24:18Yeah, I sold it to bookies.
01:24:19Took the lot.
01:24:19Come on, Crappy.
01:24:20I'm back in the market.
01:24:22Got anything?
01:24:22Nothing.
01:24:23Get out.
01:24:26I'm desperate.
01:24:27I'll do anything.
01:24:28Anything?
01:24:29Anything?
01:24:35Anything?
01:24:37Yeah.
01:24:38I've got something to show you.
01:24:39What is it?
01:24:45It's a new mechanical pipe and drain cleaner.
01:24:48I'm starting a new service.
01:24:50Trains?
01:24:50Yeah.
01:24:51Not with me, you're not.
01:24:52Hang about.
01:24:53I was thinking of putting you in sole charge of this.
01:24:56Only because you can't get anyone else.
01:24:58No.
01:24:59No!
01:25:00Oh, look here.
01:25:01Look.
01:25:01Somebody's got to do it, hasn't they?
01:25:03There'll be a good rate of pay.
01:25:04Plenty of overtime.
01:25:08All right.
01:25:09Good boy.
01:25:10You get to learn how to handle that machine, boy.
01:25:12You'll learn a lot of money.
01:25:14Yeah, it does work ten times faster.
01:25:16Here.
01:25:17Try it out on our drains here.
01:25:21Get a bit of practice.
01:25:32Hello, stranger.
01:25:34What you, Suze?
01:25:35Yeah, well, life has been a bit complicated lately.
01:25:40Yeah, I know.
01:25:41I heard all about your troubles.
01:25:43Hey, we are still friends, aren't we?
01:25:49Yeah, of course we're still friends.
01:25:51Here, flick that switch, will you?
01:25:52Oh, oh, oh, oh.
01:26:11Oh, God!
01:26:11Oh, oh, oh.
01:26:13Oh, oh, oh.
01:26:15Oh! Oh! Oh!
01:26:17Wow!
01:26:18Oh!
01:26:19Oh! Oh!
01:26:22Oh!
01:26:24Oh!
01:26:45I'm flying back home again
01:26:49I'm flying home again
01:26:52I'm flying myself
01:26:55I'm flying in my life
01:26:58To be with my baby
01:27:00I'm flying back home again
01:27:04I'm flying
01:27:05I'm flying in my life
01:27:07I'm flying in my life
01:27:12I'm flying on 545
01:27:23Feeling good inside
01:27:27I feel the jets coming alive
01:27:31Coming alive, alright
01:27:34I know I said they'll come back again
01:27:38But the city life's broken
01:27:41It's been done for you
01:27:42I'm flying back home again
01:27:45I'm flying home again
01:27:49I'm flying in my life
01:27:54To be with my baby
01:27:56I'm flying back home again
01:28:00I'm flying home again
01:28:04I'm flying in my life
01:28:08I'm flying in my life
01:28:09Oh, oh, oh, oh
01:28:11Whoa, whoa, yeah
01:28:15Yeah, yeah
01:28:15Man of Arms
01:28:16I'm flying in my life
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