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00:00:00Why do you feel like you're short enough there?
00:00:11I think it's fascinating to be able to go back
00:00:19and have a true chronological blueprint
00:00:26of what it was to grow up
00:00:31as a teenager in the 90s
00:00:33and part of me
00:00:35believes that somewhere
00:00:36inside that teenage girl
00:00:38knew that she was going to have a story to tell
00:00:41knew that she was going to go on
00:00:43an adventure and she was going to document
00:00:45every fucking second of it
00:00:46so that she could share it someday
00:00:56such is the way of the world
00:01:03you can never know
00:01:05just let up
00:01:09put all your faith
00:01:11and how will it grow
00:01:13gonna rise
00:01:18I'm putting back
00:01:20all the dark memories
00:01:22gonna rise
00:01:26as a teenager
00:01:51I carried a video camera with me
00:01:53everywhere I went
00:01:54I kept all of my diaries
00:01:55I kept every one of my voicemail messages
00:01:58I documented everything
00:02:00and then I locked it away
00:02:02for over 20 years
00:02:03I've never looked back at it
00:02:05and so I decided to
00:02:07unlock the vault
00:02:09this is crazy
00:02:11the big question for me was
00:02:16if things really happened
00:02:18the way I remembered them
00:02:19let's see what you found there
00:02:21I look at this like Pandora's box
00:02:24what happens once I unlock it
00:02:26I don't know the answers
00:02:28I don't know the ending
00:02:29I am absolutely discovering it as we go
00:02:33at seven years old
00:02:35I was cast as Punky Brewster
00:02:37and it was in that moment that
00:02:40things changed so much
00:02:43I don't really know where Punky ended
00:02:51and I began
00:02:51because we were the same
00:02:53in so many ways
00:02:54I want to say we met
00:02:56when you were in the height
00:02:57of the Punky Brewster show
00:02:59because I went in for an audition
00:03:02but I remember
00:03:04that you popped in
00:03:07and were like hi
00:03:07and then like went back
00:03:09to the set
00:03:09or I don't know
00:03:10and then we went to
00:03:11camp together
00:03:13at the Cottontail Ranch
00:03:15I think the first time
00:03:17I met you
00:03:18it might have been
00:03:18at your birthday party
00:03:20at some hotel
00:03:21Johnny Depp
00:03:22and C. Thomas Hall
00:03:24and Bubbles
00:03:25Michael Jackson's chimp
00:03:27literally there were like
00:03:2812 kids
00:03:29in the business
00:03:30so we all knew everyone
00:03:32we all knew each other
00:03:33I was working on a show
00:03:34called The Outsiders
00:03:35you were the first person I met
00:03:37you were somebody
00:03:38that I looked up to
00:03:39and when I got a chance
00:03:40to be on your show
00:03:41I had such a crush
00:03:42on you already
00:03:42nice meeting you
00:03:43hi
00:03:45did you miss me
00:03:47hello
00:03:51how are you
00:03:52today's Easter
00:03:54I never felt like
00:03:55I didn't have my childhood
00:03:56my brother Mino
00:03:59was six years older
00:04:00he would constantly
00:04:01pick up that camera
00:04:02as well
00:04:03oh my god Mino
00:04:04you are such a jet
00:04:05my mom was a single mom
00:04:08raising us
00:04:09she had a catering business
00:04:10my father was an actor
00:04:12he Marlon Brando
00:04:14Paul Newman
00:04:15were very good friends
00:04:17and had all been involved
00:04:19in the civil rights movement
00:04:20he wasn't always there as a parent
00:04:33but they were friends
00:04:34there was tons of food
00:04:35and it was really like
00:04:36laid back and fun
00:04:38everybody mingling
00:04:39and making a mess
00:04:40and it didn't matter
00:04:41and it was like easy going
00:04:43and my house was
00:04:45the complete opposite
00:04:46of that
00:04:47your house
00:04:48had that
00:04:49feeling
00:04:50like
00:04:51that it was a safe place
00:04:52and that you could hang out there
00:04:54and
00:04:54and be yourself
00:04:56it was the most
00:04:58loving environment
00:04:59your mom
00:05:01was everybody's mom
00:05:02it just felt like
00:05:03this home
00:05:04for so many people
00:05:05it was a group of us
00:05:06and we were all genuinely
00:05:08friends within our group
00:05:10at that point in life
00:05:13you have like
00:05:14no red flags
00:05:15to look out for
00:05:15you have no
00:05:16hang ups about anything
00:05:18you're just
00:05:18you're having fun
00:05:19like you know
00:05:20you're not
00:05:21concerned with
00:05:22having your heart broken
00:05:23or any of that
00:05:25you just enjoy everything
00:05:26dance in the 90's
00:05:27no drugs
00:05:28yeah
00:05:28hi
00:05:29chilling in SeaWorld
00:05:30yeah
00:05:31San Diego
00:05:32go down Mr. Camporter
00:05:34yo
00:05:35we're here in
00:05:36San Diego
00:05:37I can't go on
00:05:40no
00:05:40I'm like
00:05:425'4
00:05:4470 pounds
00:05:45right out here
00:05:48right out here
00:05:49it's the most awkward period
00:05:58in your life
00:05:59right
00:05:59is when you're probably
00:06:0013 to 19
00:06:02and that's when we're
00:06:03in front of the cameras
00:06:04so what kind of roles
00:06:11did you get out
00:06:12should be really frank
00:06:15I mean let's get honest
00:06:17right
00:06:17after punky
00:06:19I
00:06:19did a pilot
00:06:21the pilot did not go
00:06:22I was excited to be
00:06:24in school
00:06:26but I started developing
00:06:27and
00:06:29I started developing
00:06:31rapidly
00:06:32going from
00:06:33a B
00:06:34to a C
00:06:36to a double D
00:06:37to almost spilling
00:06:38into an E
00:06:39and this all happened
00:06:40between
00:06:41the time that I
00:06:42finished punky
00:06:43until I was 15
00:06:45everywhere I go
00:06:46people are like
00:06:46oh you're so grown up
00:06:48you know
00:06:48which was just another
00:06:49way of being like
00:06:50your tits are so big
00:06:51you know
00:06:51now you've gone ahead
00:06:53and grown up
00:06:53I've grown up
00:06:54yes
00:06:55these things happen
00:06:56right
00:06:56okay
00:06:56yeah
00:06:56you're a punky
00:06:57Brewster
00:06:57now you're
00:06:58too big
00:06:59so a moon fly
00:07:00are you ready
00:07:00for the clue puzzle round
00:07:01I'm ready
00:07:01okay okay
00:07:02so the roles
00:07:04that I was getting
00:07:05offered at 13
00:07:0614 years old
00:07:08are all
00:07:09tits and ass roles
00:07:11and I'm 13
00:07:12I went from
00:07:14living this
00:07:15amazing childhood
00:07:17to
00:07:19almost being forced
00:07:21into adulthood
00:07:22as I enter my teen years
00:07:24I should feel good
00:07:25but I actually feel sad
00:07:26I should feel privileged
00:07:28instead I feel deprived
00:07:29we're all just a bunch
00:07:30of fucking lost angels
00:07:31trying to find our way
00:07:32to the right track
00:07:33the rejection
00:07:35that you deal with
00:07:36as a kid
00:07:37I thought it was
00:07:38pretty blunt
00:07:39growing up
00:07:40like the reasons
00:07:41for why you didn't get it
00:07:41like I just didn't
00:07:43like your look
00:07:43oh okay
00:07:44yeah
00:07:45I'll go process that
00:07:46I think in piecing
00:07:48this together
00:07:48and reading my diaries
00:07:50it was
00:07:50it was
00:07:51intense when I was young
00:07:53but as a teenager
00:07:54it was a whole other
00:07:55level of
00:07:56crazy
00:07:57because I developed
00:07:58so quickly
00:07:59and
00:07:59and
00:08:01men
00:08:01treated me
00:08:02more like a woman
00:08:03and not
00:08:03a 13 year old
00:08:05I remember
00:08:05walking on the stage
00:08:06of Saved by the Bell
00:08:08and the director
00:08:08saying the minute
00:08:09you walk through
00:08:10these double doors
00:08:10leading onto the stage
00:08:12you're no longer
00:08:12a child anymore
00:08:13you're an adult
00:08:13you have to act
00:08:14like an adult
00:08:15and
00:08:16you're like
00:08:16you know
00:08:17you don't think
00:08:17much of it
00:08:18you're like
00:08:18okay
00:08:18sure
00:08:18but
00:08:19we all know
00:08:21what that meant
00:08:21it's like
00:08:22this is an adult
00:08:22business
00:08:23you know
00:08:23it's not
00:08:24I feel
00:08:25and that's one
00:08:25of the reasons
00:08:26I don't want
00:08:26my children in
00:08:27is because
00:08:27I don't feel
00:08:28it's a place
00:08:28for children
00:08:29it's hard
00:08:30when you've got boobs
00:08:31and can't work
00:08:32in this business
00:08:33it's really hard
00:08:34I just want people
00:08:35to see me
00:08:36for a person
00:08:37I am inside
00:08:38in these last
00:08:38couple weeks
00:08:39it's been weird
00:08:39you know
00:08:40seeing older people
00:08:41and having guys
00:08:42pinch my ass
00:08:43you know
00:08:43it's a difference
00:08:45from when I was little
00:08:45you know
00:08:46anytime I would
00:08:47talk to a guy
00:08:48he was looking
00:08:49straight at my boobs
00:08:50when I'd go to camp
00:08:51people were calling me
00:08:52punky boobster
00:08:53mom take a look
00:08:54at these honkers
00:08:55man
00:08:55you're not
00:08:56you're not
00:08:58so everyone
00:09:01from my inner circle
00:09:02of friends
00:09:03to going out
00:09:04in the world
00:09:04it just became
00:09:06it became
00:09:07a punchline
00:09:08it became a joke
00:09:09very scary
00:09:22yeah
00:09:22how are you dealing
00:09:23with that
00:09:24um
00:09:25I'm going to do
00:09:26something that's
00:09:27going to make me
00:09:27feel better
00:09:27about myself
00:09:28so
00:09:28hello
00:09:29hello
00:09:30sorry
00:09:30well
00:09:31you better
00:09:32come and see me
00:09:32I will
00:09:33now
00:09:33should I come
00:09:34and see you
00:09:34at the hospital
00:09:35or at home
00:09:35no you can
00:09:36come visit me
00:09:36at home
00:09:36ok
00:09:37you mean
00:09:38is it a big
00:09:39operation
00:09:39oh my god
00:09:40yeah
00:09:40it's a major
00:09:42it's going to be
00:09:43a six hour operation
00:09:44what
00:09:45it's not insane
00:09:47it's about
00:09:504.30
00:09:505 o'clock
00:09:51in the morning
00:09:51I'm going in
00:09:52for my operation
00:09:53it starts
00:09:54at 7.30
00:09:55I'm scared
00:09:56very scared
00:09:57but I'm excited
00:09:59mmm
00:10:00your palatial ride
00:10:02to the butchery
00:10:03shut up
00:10:04it's a good thing
00:10:06this is
00:10:11this is
00:10:11we're
00:10:11supervisor
00:10:12hi
00:10:13how are you
00:10:14how are you
00:10:14can you see you
00:10:1520 minutes
00:10:16don't hear the last
00:10:17anybody's phone
00:10:17oh
00:10:18that's my boss
00:10:20oh how old is she
00:10:2213
00:10:23how sweet
00:10:24what do you mean
00:10:36what do you mean
00:10:36no no
00:10:36don't
00:10:36don't make them
00:10:37dizzy
00:10:38he's so terrible
00:10:44they'll come in
00:10:47they'll get you
00:10:47all situated
00:10:48get yourself
00:10:49comfortable
00:10:49gentle
00:10:51squeeze
00:10:52and release
00:10:53gentle
00:10:53you're so busy
00:10:59I'm in pain
00:11:06I'm okay
00:11:07for real
00:11:08but you take
00:11:11careful
00:11:11don't get you
00:11:12alright
00:11:12your shirt's all wet
00:11:18it's fine
00:11:18I just gotta do
00:11:19a wash
00:11:19I'm sure
00:11:20I don't want
00:11:23love you
00:11:23now
00:11:24I'm gonna be able
00:11:26to be this person
00:11:27that I've wanted
00:11:27to be for so
00:11:28fucking long
00:11:29I'm gonna be able
00:11:30to have my own
00:11:31identity
00:11:32I've just made
00:11:35a change
00:11:35that's gonna affect
00:11:36me for the rest
00:11:37of my life
00:11:37and I'm happy
00:11:38I'm not gonna be
00:11:40known as
00:11:40punky boobster
00:11:42I'll be able
00:11:43to run around
00:11:43wild
00:11:44and be free
00:11:45I've learned a lot
00:11:47uh
00:11:47Shole
00:11:48uh
00:11:50you're transcending
00:11:52into a new person
00:11:53and um
00:11:54I think you should
00:11:56be proud of yourself
00:11:57Shole
00:11:59I can't believe
00:12:00you used the word
00:12:01fuck
00:12:01in your message
00:12:02you should not be
00:12:03saying the F word
00:12:04on the machine
00:12:04what if some
00:12:05press people
00:12:06called or something
00:12:06and they hear
00:12:07little cute
00:12:08Soleil Moonfly
00:12:09punky booster
00:12:09saying the word
00:12:10fuck
00:12:11not smart
00:12:13call me
00:12:14boy
00:12:14it was this very
00:12:21complicated thing
00:12:23because I wanted
00:12:24to be grown up
00:12:26so badly
00:12:27but punky
00:12:29resonated so much
00:12:31with people
00:12:31they don't necessarily
00:12:33want that person
00:12:34to grow up
00:12:35right
00:12:35I hope you stay
00:12:36small
00:12:36because I love
00:12:37talking with
00:12:37small girls
00:12:37will you come
00:12:38back again
00:12:39a pleasure
00:12:39meeting you
00:12:40thank you
00:12:41she was only
00:12:41seven years old
00:12:42she was pulling
00:12:43in 10,000
00:12:44fan letters
00:12:45a week
00:12:45now actress
00:12:46Soleil Moonfly
00:12:47is 16
00:12:48and speaking out
00:12:49on important
00:12:49teenage issues
00:12:50why did you
00:12:51go public
00:12:51with the breast
00:12:52reduction story
00:12:53well
00:12:54I wanted
00:12:55to be able
00:12:56to talk
00:12:56to young people
00:12:57and tell them
00:12:57what I went
00:12:58through
00:12:58and dealing
00:12:59with insecurities
00:13:00as a young teenager
00:13:02and confronting
00:13:03my womanhood
00:13:04was hard enough
00:13:05let alone
00:13:05having this
00:13:06deep insecurity
00:13:07which was my breast
00:13:08I was so
00:13:10righteous in a way
00:13:11I thought
00:13:12okay I have
00:13:13this new body
00:13:14people will really
00:13:16see me for who
00:13:17I am
00:13:18and I'll be able
00:13:19to be taken
00:13:20more seriously
00:13:21action
00:13:22you fucking
00:13:24hit her man
00:13:25she came out
00:13:25of fucking nowhere
00:13:26so I fall right here
00:13:27where the fuck
00:13:28is she
00:13:28cut
00:13:29where the fuck
00:13:30is she
00:13:30where the fuck
00:13:32is she
00:13:32um I can't
00:13:33find the side
00:13:34so just tell me
00:13:34what it is
00:13:35you guys
00:13:35this is serious
00:13:36stuff
00:13:37serious shit
00:13:38can I just say
00:13:39like half of shit
00:13:40and not say
00:13:41I felt like
00:13:44if I shouted
00:13:45at the top
00:13:46of my lungs
00:13:46and I was brave
00:13:47that the world
00:13:49would be accepting
00:13:49of that
00:13:50okay
00:13:51well
00:13:52this is really wild
00:13:53uh okay
00:13:54that's uh
00:13:54hi
00:13:55that's David
00:13:55how are you
00:13:56so it didn't
00:14:20change the fact
00:14:21that people
00:14:23still didn't
00:14:24take me
00:14:24seriously
00:14:25I think
00:14:29that's
00:14:30where
00:14:30I started
00:14:32really
00:14:32questioning
00:14:33myself
00:14:34and feeling
00:14:35more lost
00:14:36you know
00:14:38at that point
00:14:39I thought
00:14:39I was
00:14:40on top
00:14:40of the world
00:14:41but the lowest
00:14:42point was
00:14:43when
00:14:43I did my
00:14:44record
00:14:44hip hop
00:14:46was my
00:14:47thing
00:14:47I grew up
00:14:47listening to
00:14:48NWA
00:14:50and you know
00:14:50all that
00:14:51and like
00:14:51of course
00:14:52I made a
00:14:53hip hop album
00:14:54it's what I knew
00:14:55I remember
00:14:56people not
00:14:57reviewing it well
00:14:58and that was
00:14:59the first
00:14:59like experience
00:15:00I had with
00:15:01failure at something
00:15:03so I remember
00:15:04at that point
00:15:05like going
00:15:06holy shit
00:15:07people don't
00:15:07like me
00:15:08and you know
00:15:09that's when you
00:15:09start getting
00:15:10in your head
00:15:10you start
00:15:11worrying about
00:15:12what you're
00:15:12wearing
00:15:13or how you're
00:15:14walking
00:15:14or what you're
00:15:15doing
00:15:15or how you're
00:15:17perceived
00:15:17it was the
00:15:18first time
00:15:18that I was
00:15:19like really
00:15:20aware of
00:15:21learning
00:15:23to be
00:15:25who
00:15:26I wanted
00:15:27to be
00:15:28I think
00:15:32for me
00:15:33picking up
00:15:35the camera
00:15:35was a way
00:15:36of controlling
00:15:37it
00:15:37a way
00:15:39of saying
00:15:40fuck you
00:15:40I have my
00:15:41camera
00:15:42and I'm
00:15:42going to
00:15:43be an
00:15:43artist
00:15:43this
00:15:44is
00:15:45real
00:15:46is that a video
00:15:52camera
00:15:52I've never seen
00:15:53a video
00:15:53camera like that
00:15:54hi
00:15:54video camera
00:15:55Sarah
00:15:56are you serious
00:15:57yes
00:15:58let me see the other
00:15:58side
00:15:59turn it this way
00:16:01so that's the
00:16:01camera
00:16:01you always film
00:16:03I don't know
00:16:04does that
00:16:05crack up
00:16:06like every time
00:16:07you put me on
00:16:07this camera
00:16:08press the button
00:16:09this is man's ingenuity
00:16:15right here
00:16:16I started just
00:16:17documenting
00:16:19the world around me
00:16:20documenting my
00:16:21friends
00:16:22filming our lives
00:16:24camera
00:16:28it never was a thing
00:16:34like
00:16:35okay
00:16:35so let's
00:16:36Karen have a video
00:16:36camera around
00:16:37we never thought
00:16:38oh well she's
00:16:39going to use that
00:16:40in a way that's
00:16:40going to come back
00:16:41and haunt us
00:16:42nowadays you see
00:16:43a flash go off
00:16:44and it's like
00:16:44this thing in your
00:16:46stomach
00:16:46what was I doing
00:16:47at the moment
00:16:48that flash went off
00:16:48that can be used
00:16:49against me
00:16:50that's probably good
00:16:50that you did that
00:16:51or we wouldn't have
00:16:52any of that
00:16:52we wouldn't have
00:16:53any of that footage
00:16:54you know
00:16:55tell me a little
00:16:56philosophy on life
00:16:56baby
00:16:57uh the philosophy
00:16:58in life is that
00:16:59you should meet
00:16:59uh Suleiman Friday
00:17:01like once upon
00:17:01that's what I like
00:17:03hello
00:17:04I'm starting to try
00:17:07to only be dependent
00:17:08upon myself
00:17:09not be dependent
00:17:12on anyone else
00:17:12okay
00:17:14this ain't no video
00:17:16in a shit
00:17:17we were concerned
00:17:20about the internet
00:17:21it was pre-internet
00:17:25exploding right
00:17:26so people's
00:17:27relationship with
00:17:28the camera
00:17:28nobody was
00:17:29was on all the time
00:17:30they were just
00:17:31being themselves
00:17:33so what's your
00:17:33philosophy
00:17:34I mean
00:17:34what attracts you
00:17:35to men more
00:17:36than women
00:17:36it's
00:17:38it's something
00:17:38I'm just
00:17:39born with
00:17:40a feeling I have
00:17:41is everything
00:17:42you made about
00:17:42sex in this movie
00:17:43no
00:17:45not Madonna
00:17:46the philosophies
00:17:50of life
00:17:51is to
00:17:53have as much
00:17:54fun as possible
00:17:55without hurting
00:17:56anybody along the
00:17:57way
00:17:57you're gonna have
00:17:59so many hours
00:17:59of boring video
00:18:00tapes on there
00:18:01who are you calling?
00:18:09my dog
00:18:10get slow down
00:18:12dude
00:18:12I just beeped you
00:18:14call me back
00:18:15I want him
00:18:17to get charged
00:18:17for the call
00:18:17so like
00:18:20can you get
00:18:20that camera
00:18:20any closer
00:18:21in my face
00:18:21no
00:18:22hey Jane
00:18:22you know
00:18:25have fun guys
00:18:28history
00:18:31history was just
00:18:31kind of chugging
00:18:32along until
00:18:33in the 90s
00:18:34and it went
00:18:35that was 40 minutes
00:18:39and on stop
00:18:39K-Rock
00:18:39Jane's Addiction
00:18:40Erasure
00:18:41In Excess
00:18:42English
00:18:42Beat
00:18:42Primal Scream
00:18:43U2
00:18:43and
00:18:44sometime
00:18:44real soon
00:18:45tickets to the
00:18:46replacement show
00:18:47to Santa Barbara
00:18:50by now
00:18:50Jenny
00:18:52what are we
00:18:53going to do?
00:18:54I think we're
00:18:54going to jail
00:18:55I just hope he
00:18:57doesn't find my gun
00:18:58shut up
00:18:59I'm kidding
00:19:02do you have anything
00:19:03on you?
00:19:04yeah
00:19:04are you kidding?
00:19:07weapons
00:19:08artillery
00:19:09no
00:19:09like any
00:19:10like
00:19:10drugs
00:19:11got some of those
00:19:15too
00:19:16we did
00:19:17so many of the
00:19:18things that
00:19:19teenagers did
00:19:20we just
00:19:21happened to be
00:19:22in Hollywood
00:19:22I'm really
00:19:24stoned
00:19:25you don't need
00:19:32drugs to be
00:19:33cool
00:19:33and if you
00:19:33have any
00:19:34problem
00:19:34please call
00:19:35La Chaim
00:19:35Delight
00:19:36I can sneak
00:19:40out with friends
00:19:41tell my mom
00:19:42that I was
00:19:42going out
00:19:43to hang
00:19:44out with
00:19:44friends
00:19:44and I
00:19:44could go
00:19:45to any
00:19:45club
00:19:45and get
00:19:46in
00:19:46the first
00:19:47club
00:19:48that we
00:19:48really
00:19:48started
00:19:49going
00:19:49insane
00:19:50at
00:19:50was
00:19:50bar
00:19:51one
00:19:51it was
00:19:52fucking
00:19:52insane
00:19:53you don't
00:19:57have to
00:19:57take drugs
00:19:57to be
00:19:58cool
00:19:58you're
00:19:58cool
00:19:59in
00:19:59yourself
00:19:59believe
00:20:01in
00:20:01yourself
00:20:01believe
00:20:02in what
00:20:02you can
00:20:02do
00:20:02and
00:20:02you
00:20:02can
00:20:03make
00:20:03anything
00:20:03happen
00:20:04anywhere
00:20:05just
00:20:05say
00:20:06no
00:20:06somebody
00:20:06offers
00:20:07you
00:20:07say
00:20:08no
00:20:09you're
00:20:16listening
00:20:16106.7
00:20:17next up
00:20:18we got
00:20:19funky
00:20:19brewster
00:20:20she's
00:20:20going
00:20:20to discuss
00:20:21candidly
00:20:21her bounce
00:20:22with
00:20:22alcoholism
00:20:23heroin
00:20:23abuse
00:20:24and
00:20:24teenage
00:20:24prostitution
00:20:25am I
00:20:26right
00:20:26no
00:20:27alright
00:20:27we'll
00:20:27pick
00:20:28one
00:20:28of
00:20:28them
00:20:28air
00:20:29dope
00:20:29oh
00:20:31yeah
00:20:32oh
00:20:33yummy
00:20:33we got
00:20:44away
00:20:44with
00:20:44everything
00:20:45it got
00:20:45pretty
00:20:45crazy
00:20:46it was
00:20:47like
00:20:47our
00:20:4760s
00:20:48right
00:20:48should I
00:20:59just toss
00:21:00it in
00:21:00you can't
00:21:01watch me
00:21:01taking this
00:21:02fucking
00:21:02shit
00:21:02it's
00:21:03so
00:21:03gross
00:21:03you
00:21:06gonna
00:21:06take
00:21:06a hit
00:21:07at
00:21:07us
00:21:07like
00:21:07i'm so
00:21:19fucked up
00:21:20come here
00:21:23come here
00:21:24give me a hand
00:21:24give me a hand
00:21:25i'm tripping
00:21:27hardcore
00:21:28i love it
00:21:28oh my god
00:21:29guys
00:21:29take
00:21:30this
00:21:30thing
00:21:31where's my
00:21:32lighter
00:21:33where's my
00:21:34lighter
00:21:34i'm in
00:21:38fucking
00:21:38ecstasy
00:21:39check it
00:21:40out
00:21:40look at
00:21:40this one
00:21:41look at
00:21:43this one
00:21:43let me see
00:21:43it
00:21:44can i have
00:21:44it
00:21:44oh shit
00:21:45hold on
00:21:45will you let me
00:21:46have it for a little
00:21:47while
00:21:47i'll babysit
00:21:48it's raining
00:21:48it's raining
00:21:49it's raining
00:21:49it feels so
00:21:50you gotta go
00:21:51look at the
00:21:51raindrops
00:21:52oh my god
00:21:53look at the
00:21:53raindrops
00:21:54wow
00:21:54do you feel
00:21:55queasy
00:21:56do you feel
00:21:57happy
00:21:57all of a sudden
00:21:58you like the
00:21:59place that
00:21:59you're in
00:22:00and the car
00:22:00is nice
00:22:01i like the car
00:22:03now
00:22:03i didn't like
00:22:04the car
00:22:04because i wasn't
00:22:05friends with the
00:22:05car
00:22:05but now i'm
00:22:06friends with the
00:22:06car so now
00:22:07it's fine
00:22:07like the raindrops
00:22:10where's the
00:22:11seat right there
00:22:11seriously
00:22:16i think i've fallen
00:22:17in love
00:22:18i honestly do
00:22:19and i'm kind of
00:22:19scared
00:22:20what do you think
00:22:20about that
00:22:20i really don't
00:22:21want anybody
00:22:21to ever see
00:22:22the same
00:22:22view
00:22:23like a name
00:22:24i have such a
00:22:40soft spot in my
00:22:41heart for mushrooms
00:22:42i must tell you
00:22:43because of that
00:22:44experience
00:22:44our lives were
00:22:46very full
00:22:46i had a lot
00:23:10of crushes
00:23:11as a kid
00:23:11i think i was
00:23:13always trying to
00:23:14find my true
00:23:14love and
00:23:15and i wanted
00:23:16to find true
00:23:17love
00:23:18hey what's up
00:23:19this is mark
00:23:20walbert calling
00:23:21for some ladies
00:23:22calling to say hi
00:23:23i'm nervous
00:23:25to call mark
00:23:26back
00:23:26i was the
00:23:27kissing queen
00:23:28the funniest
00:23:30is that i was
00:23:31the last virgin
00:23:32of all my friends
00:23:32i was a big talker
00:23:43not having
00:23:46a traditional
00:23:48childhood
00:23:48or a father
00:23:49that was always
00:23:50around
00:23:50i think
00:23:52part of me
00:23:52really wanted
00:23:53to feel
00:23:54accepted
00:23:54i met
00:23:58danny
00:23:59through a
00:24:01friend
00:24:01he was really
00:24:05my best friend
00:24:05he saw
00:24:10the creative
00:24:11in me
00:24:11and he also
00:24:13accepted me
00:24:14for me
00:24:15those early
00:24:17memories
00:24:18of us
00:24:19i remember
00:24:20being
00:24:21really
00:24:22really joyful
00:24:24he had this
00:24:44group that he
00:24:45was in
00:24:45called house
00:24:46of pain
00:24:46and house
00:24:47of pain
00:24:48came out
00:24:50and
00:24:51it was
00:24:52the biggest
00:24:53album
00:24:54at the time
00:24:55jump around
00:24:56was everywhere
00:24:58it was
00:24:58the hit song
00:25:00every club
00:25:00you went to
00:25:01they were playing
00:25:01jump around
00:25:02everywhere you went
00:25:03he was getting
00:25:03to the height
00:25:04of his fame
00:25:05and there
00:25:05was cars
00:25:06and girls
00:25:07and hell's angels
00:25:09and actors
00:25:10and rappers
00:25:11and everybody
00:25:12wanted to be
00:25:12around him
00:25:13and he was
00:25:13really the life
00:25:14of the party
00:25:14and somehow
00:25:17he wanted me
00:25:19a part of it
00:25:20i had my video
00:25:25camera
00:25:26and he encouraged
00:25:28me to document
00:25:30it all
00:25:30he's like
00:25:32here's our world
00:25:33you're an artist
00:25:34go ahead
00:25:35roll the camera
00:25:36girl you're gone
00:25:45girl you're gone
00:25:49you searched your
00:25:52old damn life
00:25:54to be on
00:25:55are you safe
00:26:00have you been safe
00:26:03every single day
00:26:08danny's world
00:26:09was wild
00:26:10it was rock
00:26:11and roll
00:26:12with hip hop
00:26:13you knew
00:26:14this day
00:26:14would come
00:26:16when the world
00:26:17would play
00:26:18her alone
00:26:19it was confusing
00:26:20we would both
00:26:22be dating other
00:26:22people
00:26:23but then we'd
00:26:24kiss
00:26:24but we were
00:26:25best friends
00:26:26and it was
00:26:28like a fucking
00:26:29volcano
00:26:30and it was
00:26:30building
00:26:31and building
00:26:32and building
00:26:32until it
00:26:33erupted
00:26:33and then we
00:26:34had to face
00:26:35the consequences
00:26:36of living
00:26:37on that edge
00:26:37there are times
00:26:39in our lives
00:26:40that a poet
00:26:41needs freedom
00:26:41fly high
00:26:42into the world
00:26:43of music
00:26:44and imagination
00:26:44be you
00:26:46be free
00:26:47fuck
00:26:48in the world
00:26:48to be blind
00:26:49to see
00:26:49tell me a story
00:26:50dude
00:26:51man
00:26:53do all girls
00:26:54know that line
00:26:54or what
00:26:55I don't know
00:26:58any stories
00:26:58I only know
00:26:59bad stories
00:26:59no good stories
00:27:00no romantic stories
00:27:02tell you a story
00:27:03right now
00:27:03the story
00:27:04is on the hour
00:27:05anyway
00:27:13we used to say
00:27:15that
00:27:15late week
00:27:17everything will be okay
00:27:18but then everyone gets
00:27:18locked up again
00:27:19things change
00:27:20so I
00:27:21I think that as he was
00:27:50going down this
00:27:52this darker path
00:27:53that he knew
00:27:55it was time
00:27:56to
00:27:56to pass the torch
00:27:58in a way
00:27:59please
00:28:12I'm not in a good mood
00:28:14good
00:28:15this is what I want
00:28:16on tape
00:28:16Soleil not smiling
00:28:18for once
00:28:19like the whole world
00:28:19thinks she always is
00:28:20fuck you
00:28:23who the hell
00:28:24do you think you are
00:28:25just shut the hell up
00:28:26bitch
00:28:26well you just think
00:28:30you're so hot
00:28:31because you've been
00:28:31on TV your whole life
00:28:32well you know what
00:28:33you're not
00:28:34I think we all
00:28:39must have felt
00:28:40lonely in some ways
00:28:42or at least
00:28:43some of us
00:28:44more than others
00:28:45I know that
00:28:48in retrospect
00:28:48in watching these
00:28:49videos
00:28:50in watching the
00:28:54videos where
00:28:55friends
00:28:57were so
00:28:59obviously
00:29:00reaching out
00:29:01for help
00:29:01or
00:29:02listening to the
00:29:03audio tapes
00:29:04and
00:29:04realizing that
00:29:06some of my
00:29:10friends really
00:29:11needed
00:29:12to be heard
00:29:14and to have
00:29:15a friend listen
00:29:16I didn't hear it
00:29:19and I didn't see it
00:29:20I only see it
00:29:22in retrospect
00:29:2320 some odd
00:29:25years later
00:29:26I haven't found
00:29:36it
00:29:36that's why
00:29:36I'm an unhappy
00:29:37person with myself
00:29:38yeah I told my
00:29:41mom that I was
00:29:41insane today
00:29:42and she cried
00:29:44but the sad
00:29:46yeah that's the
00:29:47sad thing
00:29:48I mean
00:29:48everybody thinks
00:29:49about suicide
00:29:50but I mean
00:29:52I've really
00:29:53really contemplated
00:29:54it
00:29:55stop the camera
00:29:57please
00:29:57and they end
00:30:00up committing
00:30:00suicide
00:30:01and I didn't
00:30:05see it back
00:30:06then
00:30:07so why
00:30:09this is Jonathan
00:30:09I don't know
00:30:10if you got my
00:30:10message last night
00:30:11so why
00:30:12this is Jonathan
00:30:12you're a patron
00:30:13so why
00:30:14it's Jonathan
00:30:14it's about 10 o'clock
00:30:15you're not home
00:30:17where the hell are you
00:30:18you know what
00:30:18you need a patron
00:30:19when I hear
00:30:20Jonathan's recordings
00:30:21over and over
00:30:22and the amount
00:30:24of love that was
00:30:24there
00:30:25and that he
00:30:28must have been
00:30:28going through
00:30:29so much pain
00:30:30rise and shine
00:30:36sleepyhead
00:30:37and if I could
00:30:40come over
00:30:40for the holidays
00:30:41it would be my
00:30:42pleasure
00:30:43and I love you
00:30:44so I
00:30:44I found a diary
00:30:47the other day
00:30:48that said
00:30:50that we had
00:30:51spoken about
00:30:52getting married
00:30:52someday
00:30:53and having a
00:30:53family
00:30:54I love you
00:30:56I love her
00:30:58I've always loved
00:31:00her
00:31:00what
00:31:04hello
00:31:06I don't know
00:31:17sometimes people
00:31:18just are
00:31:20kind of done
00:31:21with this world
00:31:22as sad as that
00:31:24sounds
00:31:25they just
00:31:25it's too painful
00:31:26it's like they've
00:31:27done it
00:31:28and they just
00:31:29don't want to
00:31:30anymore
00:31:30which is really
00:31:31sad because
00:31:31it gets better
00:31:33and you know
00:31:34life's worth
00:31:36fighting for
00:31:37how do you
00:31:46remember so far
00:31:47back
00:31:47sorry you're not
00:31:56there baby
00:31:56this is your daddy
00:31:57stay home because
00:31:59the cops are out
00:32:00and gangs are out
00:32:01and people are
00:32:02burning down
00:32:03East Los Angeles
00:32:04again
00:32:05and for good
00:32:07reason
00:32:07fortunately
00:32:08there's going to be
00:32:12another one you guys
00:32:13well it's obviously
00:32:15it was a fairly large
00:32:17quake I was just
00:32:18making sure
00:32:19I love you guys
00:32:20I'm glad we heard
00:32:20attention all units
00:32:23and stations
00:32:24attempt to locate
00:32:25187 suspect
00:32:26in a white
00:32:271993 Ford Bronco
00:32:29this is really the
00:32:41first time
00:32:42that I'm trying to
00:32:45just strip away
00:32:46the mask
00:32:49all of it and just
00:32:54go here
00:32:55I drank whatever
00:32:59they gave me
00:33:01I don't know
00:33:12what happened
00:33:13not a thing
00:33:15I swear to God
00:33:16yes
00:33:18can you tell me
00:33:19yes
00:33:20but you could have
00:33:22yes
00:33:23very much so
00:33:24you kept
00:33:25you know
00:33:25God would love me
00:33:26it's like I wanted
00:33:26to kiss me
00:33:27not how I remember it
00:33:29I can remember it
00:33:29you leaning over
00:33:30and kissing me
00:33:31and then the next thing
00:33:32I remember it was
00:33:33being on the doorstep
00:33:34but I didn't drink
00:33:35I can't even think
00:33:52I have to start
00:33:55People magazine cover
00:33:56recently
00:33:57big story on you
00:33:58let me tell you
00:34:00why I bring that up
00:34:01because we've done
00:34:01shows with kids
00:34:02your age
00:34:03talking about
00:34:03the peer pressure
00:34:04and the fact that
00:34:05you were gutsy enough
00:34:05to come out and say
00:34:06hey listen
00:34:07fight it
00:34:07you don't need that
00:34:08right
00:34:09I'm not all breasts
00:34:10I'm also a virgin
00:34:10everybody
00:34:11yes I am a virgin
00:34:12and I am proud of it
00:34:13and the reason I talked
00:34:14about it was because
00:34:15I believe that young people
00:34:16should have the right
00:34:16to say now
00:34:17a lot of young women
00:34:19don't know that
00:34:20they have the right
00:34:21to say wait a second
00:34:22I want to wait
00:34:23let's go and get tested
00:34:24together
00:34:24you know
00:34:24there's a lot of scary
00:34:25diseases
00:34:26that young people
00:34:26are confronted with
00:34:27and as young women
00:34:28I think that we have
00:34:30the right
00:34:30and also as young men
00:34:31to say wait a second
00:34:32let's wait
00:34:32let's see
00:34:33let's make sure
00:34:34we're in love
00:34:34let's make sure that
00:34:35you know
00:34:35that we can trust
00:34:36each other
00:34:37what are you talking
00:34:40about
00:34:40sex
00:34:41seriously
00:34:43if you use it
00:34:45as a form of recreation
00:34:46if you use sex
00:34:47not to prove to someone
00:34:49but for people to show
00:34:51how they really feel
00:34:52about each other
00:34:52I think sex bonds
00:34:54people
00:34:54that's how they let me
00:34:55do different things
00:34:56you could be rude
00:34:57and that wouldn't be
00:34:58like having sex
00:34:59I had an incredible childhood
00:35:06a single mother
00:35:07whom loved us
00:35:08with all her heart
00:35:09a father who
00:35:09although he was not
00:35:10always there
00:35:11told me he loved me
00:35:12forever and I believed him
00:35:13my brother helped raise me
00:35:15and always made me
00:35:15feel safe and cared for
00:35:16I grew up playing
00:35:17make-believe
00:35:18I loved acting
00:35:19and it was part
00:35:20of my everyday
00:35:20I was still 100%
00:35:22a kid and daughter
00:35:23laughter filled our house
00:35:24often
00:35:25we were never forced
00:35:26in front of the camera
00:35:27it was something
00:35:27we wanted to do
00:35:281000%
00:35:29we went to summer camp
00:35:30and celebrated
00:35:31all holidays
00:35:32traveled the world
00:35:33and had wonderful friends
00:35:34I'm an incredibly
00:35:37nostalgic person
00:35:38and I think much of that
00:35:39is due to the love
00:35:40that existed around
00:35:41I met him somewhere
00:35:46around 17 or 18
00:35:47I was drawn to him
00:35:49immediately
00:35:49he wrangled me
00:35:51with his sweet charm
00:35:52I wanted to give in
00:35:53to the sweet
00:35:54and loving person
00:35:55that he was
00:35:55but there was also
00:35:56another side that existed
00:35:57who was hard and tough
00:35:59harsh and cold
00:35:59we were making out
00:36:01and getting close to me
00:36:02finally letting go
00:36:03of myself
00:36:03almost ready to give
00:36:05my innocence to this
00:36:06person that I cared
00:36:07about deeply
00:36:08as he laid on top of me
00:36:10I realized
00:36:10I was not ready
00:36:11frustrated
00:36:12he did not roll over
00:36:14or get up and leave
00:36:15the room
00:36:15instead he chose
00:36:17to thrust himself in me
00:36:18at which point
00:36:19I tried to push him off
00:36:21he got up
00:36:21and left the room
00:36:22I was in shock
00:36:23we had not made love
00:36:26we had not had sex
00:36:28it was a thrust
00:36:28but my 17 year old
00:36:31mind and body
00:36:32was confused
00:36:33what happened next
00:36:35was something
00:36:35I'll never forget
00:36:36I walked into the next room
00:36:38where he sat
00:36:38obviously upset
00:36:39with me watching TV
00:36:40and without looking me
00:36:41in the eyes
00:36:42he said
00:36:42so how does it feel
00:36:44not to be a virgin anymore
00:36:45he asked if I would say
00:36:52he raped me
00:36:53but I wouldn't
00:36:55I was also to blame
00:36:57for my foreignness
00:36:58I do not regret my actions
00:37:03like I've always believed
00:37:06let the pain be my scars
00:37:08and this person has a million faces
00:37:12that I still love
00:37:13the water is clear and pure
00:37:18if a bug lands in the water
00:37:20you don't drink it
00:37:21it's no longer clean
00:37:23you look for another glass of water
00:37:25I glance upon this glass of water
00:37:29in front of me
00:37:30with the bug floating on top
00:37:31and I wonder
00:37:32how symbolic this is to me
00:37:34I don't think I ever
00:37:41I never really dealt with it
00:37:43because I never shared it
00:37:44so I just locked it away
00:37:46I locked it away in my vault
00:37:48and I wrote this happy story
00:37:53or this story that was really joyful
00:37:55and for me
00:37:58that I could wrap my head around
00:38:01and that was just a part of my life
00:38:03that I put in a vault
00:38:05that I never wanted to open up
00:38:08and so I wasn't comfortable
00:38:11talking to my mom
00:38:12or my brother
00:38:13or my family
00:38:14or my friends
00:38:14and I just locked it away
00:38:17my whole life
00:38:18and it's only been
00:38:22through this experience
00:38:23that I've even had to face it
00:38:29so it goes to this whole thing
00:38:33around memory
00:38:34and are our memories real
00:38:38or are they the stories
00:38:40that we want to tell ourselves
00:38:41December 18th, 1994
00:38:55I lost my virginity
00:38:57he was my first
00:38:59who would have known
00:39:00it's been the most strange
00:39:02and incredible day ever
00:39:03I don't truly know
00:39:09how to explain my feelings
00:39:11he's somebody
00:39:12I've had a crush on for years
00:39:13he's a person
00:39:15that intrigues me
00:39:15and excites me
00:39:17we smoke a cigarette
00:39:21he whispers softly
00:39:23he simply asks
00:39:24what my fantasies are
00:39:26hey Soleil
00:39:27it's Charles calling
00:39:29it is Wednesday night
00:39:31at about 11 o'clock
00:39:34and I'm going to talk to you
00:39:37are we on right now?
00:39:38we are special NBI agents
00:39:41and we're under a special mission
00:39:44to figure out
00:39:45how he was
00:39:47that stole Sway's virginity
00:39:49so far all we know
00:39:51is he's a 29 year old
00:39:52Caucasian male film actor
00:39:54we don't know he's Caucasian
00:39:55yes we do
00:39:55oh we do
00:39:56it's been established
00:39:56often times ventures off to Japan
00:39:58to make million dollar commercials
00:40:00Sway, what's with the camera?
00:40:02what's with the camera?
00:40:03what's with the whole thing?
00:40:04come on
00:40:05was it
00:40:06was it Kiana?
00:40:08Bailey Baldwin?
00:40:09the tape is almost at the end
00:40:10so you have to end this tape somehow
00:40:11the tape's at the end
00:40:12it's almost at the end
00:40:13you know all about
00:40:14how these things work
00:40:15don't you?
00:40:15I think I was drawn
00:40:20towards the extremes
00:40:21because I wanted to feel it all
00:40:27and I wanted to experience it all
00:40:29and I don't know if it goes back to
00:40:32my relationship with my father
00:40:35my relationship to men
00:40:38that need to feel loved
00:40:42we had some life lessons to learn
00:40:46so
00:40:47back then I didn't
00:40:49quite understand
00:40:51how real it got
00:40:52at certain moments in time
00:40:53life gets rough
00:40:56it was all kind of
00:40:58innocent to begin with
00:40:59then it just started
00:41:02progressive as it does
00:41:04getting a little more insane
00:41:06and different drugs started
00:41:08coming into play
00:41:10acid mushrooms
00:41:11and coke
00:41:13and that
00:41:13crack
00:41:15and heroin
00:41:18but we smoked it
00:41:20I never did anything else than that
00:41:23but that was enough
00:41:24I mean
00:41:25I always did this little thing
00:41:28where I'd do it
00:41:29and then not do it for a long time
00:41:31where I wouldn't get so super strung out
00:41:33or anything
00:41:33which isn't any excuse
00:41:36but it maybe kept me from dying
00:41:39you know what I mean?
00:41:41it got dark for a while
00:41:44did Paul talk about it at all?
00:41:46there was a few years
00:41:48stretching there
00:41:49where
00:41:50it seemed like
00:41:52I was losing
00:41:53a friend every week
00:41:55you know
00:41:57you would hope that you live
00:41:58to be old
00:41:59and
00:41:59I mean that's probably
00:42:01the fairy tale
00:42:01what do you think of this place?
00:42:05I think of this place?
00:42:07I have a lot of thoughts on this place
00:42:08I've decided that I probably want to check something else out for a while
00:42:14Il nostro corso gratuito è www.mesmerism.info
00:42:44Il nostro corso gratuito è www.mesmerism.info
00:43:14Il nostro corso gratuito è www.mesmerism.info
00:43:16Il nostro corso gratuito è www.mesmerism.info
00:43:18Il nostro corso gratuito è www.mesmerism.info
00:43:20È quasi così che voleva fare un' sempre vane
00:43:25di voglio di avere l'amica vita,
00:43:29avere delle cose che hai,
00:43:31avere delle cose che hai,
00:43:32and I thought there was no better place
00:43:34to do it than the actor's studio
00:43:36and going to New York City
00:43:38try to lick it
00:43:51it looks cracked bro
00:44:08I sure love you
00:44:29and I'm going to miss you my baby
00:44:30because that's my baby that's going to college
00:44:32and I am so proud of her
00:44:33look at her
00:44:34this is my child-in-law
00:44:42and then I'm leaving
00:44:43so I'm going to sign off in her room
00:44:50for one last time
00:44:51I will put together a mommy love package
00:44:55for you from college
00:44:56but right now I want you to have one of my most treasured
00:44:59protective pieces
00:45:00and that's my little Buddha bracelet
00:45:01okay just shut the door
00:45:11just be my little woman
00:45:13just be my little woman
00:45:17oh my god
00:45:41I'm so happy right now
00:45:45she's getting ready to go to college
00:45:50this reminds me of like
00:45:53the summer camp all my family
00:45:55and they drop you to camp
00:45:57and you're like okay bye
00:45:58and you're all sad
00:45:59because you're going to say goodbye to them
00:46:00and you're so young you know
00:46:01so it's like your first time out in the world
00:46:03and so we knew people
00:46:04and so this is like
00:46:05at a new age
00:46:07so it's really hard
00:46:08mom I love you
00:46:09I love you really much
00:46:10hi honey
00:46:12daddy I love you
00:46:14ladies and gentlemen
00:46:31welcome you to New York's
00:46:32John and I met at your national airport
00:46:34I'm coming to New York's
00:46:50did he love that song?
00:46:52yeah
00:46:52be a little down blue
00:46:55be a little down blue
00:46:56be a little down blue
00:46:57sing in the blue
00:46:59o no no no no no no
00:47:03life in New York
00:47:11has gotten miserable looking for an apartment
00:47:13is hell and I'm about to fucking die
00:47:15can you see me?
00:47:18I'm looking for an apartment
00:47:20to live in
00:47:23if you've known when life is good back in L.A.
00:47:25this chick so late said
00:47:26come on back to New York
00:47:28so I left my job there
00:47:32and I came back here
00:47:34I felt a sense of freedom
00:47:41it was the first time I was living on my own
00:47:43it was outside of this
00:47:46LA bubble
00:47:47and I felt really free
00:47:49it's kind of scary
00:47:58I'm living on this futon on the floor
00:48:26and it's the best experience of my life
00:48:29immediately I got on stage in New York
00:48:32it was terrifying and exciting
00:48:35try to make this your best performance
00:48:37just for yourself
00:48:38it was me on stage completely unveiled
00:48:41and I got up on stage
00:48:45and I had come into my own
00:48:47hello
00:48:52so Maya are you there
00:48:53you're not there
00:48:55it's Charles calling
00:48:56I'm on the set
00:48:57long time no talk
00:49:00and then
00:49:00the person I lost my virginity to
00:49:04my Florida experience
00:49:05he came back around
00:49:06and he was my
00:49:08my Mr. Big
00:49:10would take me to the Yankee game
00:49:12and
00:49:12I remember
00:49:16I remember going opening day
00:49:18and it being springtime
00:49:20and it's snowing in New York
00:49:21and I was there with him
00:49:23and we cheered and laughed
00:49:25we smiled and yelled out
00:49:26under the ice cold
00:49:27it began snowing
00:49:29and it was like a surreal dream
00:49:31white snowflakes falling across
00:49:33beautiful faces of the American dream
00:49:35he leaned in and kissed me
00:49:37as he played with my hair
00:49:39and asked what I did to it
00:49:40I told him I left it alone
00:49:42then he began caressing my face
00:49:44and asked what I did to it
00:49:46did you leave it alone
00:49:48he said sarcastically with a smile
00:49:50and then we helped each other
00:49:52he said how much I've matured into a beautiful young lady
00:49:56and how New York really shows in me
00:49:58and it was this realization that this person that was older than me
00:50:03that did care about me
00:50:05was seeing
00:50:05me growing up
00:50:07today I love New York
00:50:11I've been everywhere in New York today
00:50:12I have to be on Times Square
00:50:13I love it
00:50:15last night I had so much fun
00:50:16we just walked
00:50:17this is the first time
00:50:20Soledad's doing laundry
00:50:21in about two months
00:50:22first time I've ever done laundry on my own
00:50:25and I smell
00:50:26because everything I own right now
00:50:27all my socks go like ass
00:50:29laundry is a really important thing
00:50:31you got it
00:50:34toilet breaks
00:50:35I can't do it
00:50:37Andrew do it
00:50:38what's like to live with guys
00:50:40get over it
00:50:41get over it
00:50:42no it's fucking disgusting
00:50:44do you like what we did in the apartment Andrew?
00:50:46it's true
00:50:47for me as an artist
00:50:53I just wanted to drink it all in
00:50:55I felt like I was alive
00:50:58when I was in the rawness of it
00:51:01I was fascinated by skate culture
00:51:04when I see this group of kids
00:51:06jumping into a taxi cab
00:51:08and I run over
00:51:09and it was Justin Pierce
00:51:11and he have just done this film Kids
00:51:15you guys are just so out of here
00:51:17I'm like
00:51:17way behind
00:51:19it's like a dream
00:51:28that's a rat
00:51:28I mean
00:51:29I mean
00:51:29shut up
00:51:29the microphone
00:51:30check my heart
00:51:31setting love
00:51:31set up
00:51:32hands crack hard
00:51:33I'm tasting
00:51:34uh-huh
00:51:34don't fall
00:51:35can't nobody save it
00:51:36uh-huh
00:51:37all right
00:51:38people with the names
00:51:39I ain't been a wreck
00:51:40I didn't do it
00:51:41I'm open
00:51:43so I see through the smoking mirrors
00:51:45and I hocus pocus
00:51:46and clowns jokers
00:51:47I do this
00:51:48here in real focus
00:51:49no games with no girl
00:51:50no smooth as loafers
00:51:51bars high as toasters
00:51:53that's really Oprah
00:51:54to the streets the closest
00:51:55fell godly closer
00:51:57feelin' deep emotions
00:51:58yeah
00:51:58uh
00:51:59headed to this party
00:52:00in the city
00:52:00on night street
00:52:01just came with a chill
00:52:03like my ice leaf
00:52:04supreme t-shirt
00:52:05Nike Ducks
00:52:06not flossy
00:52:06smirk on my face
00:52:08cause I know
00:52:08they can't stop me
00:52:09I might hit the stairs
00:52:10real quick like Rocky
00:52:11don't feel a squirt
00:52:12it was the beginning
00:52:13of an incredible journey
00:52:14with
00:52:15with these skaters
00:52:18that became my family
00:52:19where's my weekends
00:52:22where's my weekends
00:52:23weekends
00:52:24new york city
00:52:32skateboarders
00:52:34Selassie
00:52:35Jack Rastafari
00:52:36pretty much
00:52:38me things
00:52:39when you're like
00:52:40pretty much
00:52:40the fuck you
00:52:41Bruce
00:52:41the fuck you
00:52:43Bruce the crazy
00:52:44fuck you Bruce
00:52:45the fuck
00:52:45the past few days
00:52:47were like a movie
00:52:48the kids showed up
00:52:50and I filmed them
00:52:51through the people
00:52:51of my door
00:52:52I then knew
00:52:53it would be an adventure
00:52:54they piled into my house
00:52:56with forties and blunts
00:52:57a wild bunch of skaters
00:52:59who in the midst
00:53:00of the struggle
00:53:00find peace
00:53:01in the positive vibe
00:53:02of Rastafari
00:53:03leave it to me
00:53:05to fall
00:53:05for this straggly kid
00:53:06Justin
00:53:07he along with the others
00:53:09passed out
00:53:09of my apartment
00:53:10I found myself
00:53:11under my red light
00:53:13kissing this youth
00:53:14who told me
00:53:15he would have to
00:53:15hold on to me
00:53:16for a while
00:53:16he kept asking
00:53:18where I came from
00:53:18it was sweet
00:53:19for the time
00:53:20it was happening
00:53:21Justin
00:53:23Justin Pierce
00:53:24introduced us
00:53:25press that button
00:53:27in the back
00:53:27press this button
00:53:29right here
00:53:30when we're all
00:53:31in the frame
00:53:31here
00:53:32and this one
00:53:38the little like
00:53:39from California
00:53:40how did you go
00:53:42to Corona Queens
00:53:43I never really met
00:53:48someone with a puppy
00:53:48spirit like that
00:53:49you were just so
00:53:50like open-eyed
00:53:51to everything
00:53:51but like looking back
00:53:53of course
00:53:53because you were a kid
00:53:54and you were in New York
00:53:54City in the 90s
00:53:55I would have been
00:53:56like open-eyed
00:53:58like that too
00:53:58camera and our face
00:54:03all the time
00:54:04you used to take that thing
00:54:09out of everyone
00:54:09you really did
00:54:10you guys weren't just my friends
00:54:19you were my family
00:54:20slash bodyguards
00:54:23look at it
00:54:27it's crazy how you need someone
00:54:30it just changes your life
00:54:31you know
00:54:31you need someone
00:54:32you connect
00:54:33and then certain kids
00:54:34just boom
00:54:35they gravitate to each other
00:54:36you know
00:54:36that's what happened
00:54:39right
00:54:39that's what happened
00:54:41I remember Harold Hunter living in your closet
00:54:45I remember Harold Hunter living in your closet
00:54:47I remember Harold Hunter living in your closet
00:54:51I remember Harold Hunter living in your closet
00:55:09I remember Harold Hunter living in your closet
00:55:11I remember Harold Hunter living in your closet
00:55:16this is us in my third
00:55:18I went in the house
00:55:194 o'clock in the morning
00:55:20what's up with you?
00:55:21Harold?
00:55:22what were you gonna wake me up or what?
00:55:26how are you talking to yourself so
00:55:31I'm acting in the dark
00:55:33sorry about that
00:55:36he was a special kid man
00:55:43he was so young
00:55:46he was so talented
00:55:47handsome
00:55:47tough
00:55:49really harsh family background
00:55:53didn't know who his father was
00:55:54that was his pain
00:55:56you know
00:55:57he never knew who his dad was
00:55:58you know
00:55:59everyone's like
00:56:00oh he's crazy
00:56:01people are crazy for the reasons
00:56:03you know
00:56:03it's like something happened to them
00:56:05along the way
00:56:06to make them who they are
00:56:07you don't just be wild and crazy
00:56:10for no reason
00:56:12that's all pain
00:56:14you know
00:56:15it breaks my heart
00:56:17it really does
00:56:18I think about it all the time
00:56:20I have so much
00:56:28guilt that I didn't know I had
00:56:32until I started watching the tapes back
00:56:38until I started piecing this together
00:56:41how often do we really look at somebody and say
00:56:58how are you
00:56:58and actually hear them back
00:57:00and so that's why this process has been like
00:57:04these fucking blinders coming off
00:57:06I don't think I've been living alive for the last 20 years
00:57:11but I certainly haven't been fucking listening
00:57:13so now that they're off
00:57:17now that I've opened Pandora's box
00:57:19I can't put any of this back
00:57:20I feel definitely closer to you since
00:57:23since Andrew
00:57:26yeah we reconnected through Andrew
00:57:35and I have a hard time
00:57:36you know
00:57:39he's my only brother
00:57:42I love him so much
00:57:43he was a brilliant
00:57:44beautiful
00:57:45quiet
00:57:46special kid
00:57:48what's your philosophy on life?
00:57:51life
00:57:52can end at any moment
00:57:53you gotta live it to your fullest
00:57:54and try new things
00:57:56that shit his brother told him
00:57:58what?
00:57:59no it's the truth
00:58:00and uh
00:58:01you know
00:58:02do what you can
00:58:05thanks
00:58:07bye bye
00:58:08it doesn't seem like he
00:58:14can be gone
00:58:15life is beautiful
00:58:26and it's messy
00:58:27and it's
00:58:28it's complicated
00:58:31I'm just a little bit caught
00:58:39in the middle
00:58:40life is amazed
00:58:43and love is a riddle
00:58:45I don't know where to go
00:58:49can't do it alone
00:58:51I've tried
00:58:53and I don't know why
00:58:57I reached out to Danny
00:59:02and I asked him if I could come out
00:59:05and talk to him
00:59:06it's this crazy thing
00:59:07when you haven't seen somebody
00:59:09for over 20 years
00:59:10I didn't know
00:59:14what the response would be
00:59:17you said that
00:59:19someday
00:59:20you wanted to find serenity
00:59:21did I?
00:59:22you did
00:59:23do you think you found it now?
00:59:26uh
00:59:26more of it
00:59:28but I think it's something
00:59:30you have to search for
00:59:30on a daily basis
00:59:31I don't think that
00:59:32I just wake up serene
00:59:33I think it's
00:59:34you for sure got taller
00:59:36I feel much better now
00:59:37I uh
00:59:39I have to work at it
00:59:41I don't know that
00:59:42I'll ever feel
00:59:42completely serene
00:59:44I don't know if that's my
00:59:45in my DNA
00:59:46Tulsa is a much more
00:59:48serene place for me
00:59:49but
00:59:51it takes some
00:59:52getting used to as well
00:59:53December man
00:59:54like it never
00:59:55it never looks like
00:59:56the Zales commercial
00:59:57you know
00:59:57it's always missing
00:59:58a few things
00:59:59that I think in my mind's eye
01:00:00that like my life
01:00:01should have
01:00:02and then you guys
01:00:02showed up
01:00:03it's like
01:00:03ah
01:00:03like the star
01:00:04on the Christmas tree
01:00:05now it's like
01:00:06it looks perfect
01:00:07I feel like I'm in some
01:00:10time warp
01:00:11I know
01:00:12hold on
01:00:13I haven't seen you
01:00:16in 20 something years
01:00:18so it's been
01:00:18it's been a forever
01:00:20they had fast cars
01:00:26and I was dead set
01:00:28on like
01:00:28wrapping one of those
01:00:29cars around a telephone pole
01:00:31or you know
01:00:32blowing my brains out
01:00:33or doing too many
01:00:34like we were living
01:00:35on the edge
01:00:36it's mind boggling
01:00:38that I'm still here
01:00:39we thought we were
01:00:40fooling everybody
01:00:40but we were clearly
01:00:41drug addicts
01:00:42and you didn't want
01:00:43to see that in me
01:00:44and so you got off
01:00:45the train
01:00:45at the right
01:00:45at the right station
01:00:46so I'm glad
01:00:47that you didn't
01:00:48have to see
01:00:48you know
01:00:50that was just
01:00:50the tip of the iceberg
01:00:51so much of what
01:00:54I wondered
01:00:54was
01:00:55did things happen
01:00:56the way I remember
01:00:57them
01:00:57was it as real
01:00:59as I remembered it
01:01:00and
01:01:02was it something
01:01:04that we both
01:01:06experienced
01:01:07yeah absolutely
01:01:08my love for you
01:01:09your love for me
01:01:10that time
01:01:11was a special
01:01:12magical time
01:01:13and I knew
01:01:13that you know
01:01:14nothing could
01:01:15diminish that
01:01:16so you're
01:01:21I know
01:01:22have to see
01:01:23like
01:01:24you
01:01:24I'm
01:01:25I'm
01:01:25Grazie a tutti
01:01:55Grazie a tutti
01:02:25Grazie a tutti
01:02:55Grazie a tutti
01:03:25Grazie a tutti
01:03:55Grazie a tutti
01:04:25Grazie a tutti
01:04:55Grazie a tutti
01:05:25Grazie a tutti
01:05:55Grazie a tutti
01:06:55Grazie a tutti
01:07:55Grazie a tutti
01:08:25Grazie a tutti
01:08:55Grazie a tutti
01:09:25Grazie a tutti
01:09:55Grazie a tutti
01:10:25Grazie a tutti
01:10:55Grazie a tutti
01:11:25Grazie a tutti
01:11:55Grazie a tutti