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  • 2 days ago

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00:00You're living in a bubble, you're living in a dream.
00:17I was 18 when we started, catapulted into this superstardom.
00:24Look at us now! Look at us now!
00:28Because I loved what we did for seven years.
00:31And now it was being taken from me.
00:33Do boyzones still exist? I don't know.
00:35The world we just lived has disappeared.
00:38What is my new world?
00:40Who the fuck am I?
00:42Although nothing has been confirmed officially, it's all gately.
00:45Everything had changed. Everything had changed.
00:48I should have gone back.
00:50I know that I should have gone back.
00:53To get those years would have been everything.
00:58It was the first time I used to be a god.
01:02I should have gone back.
01:07It was the last time I watched it.
01:10I should have gone back.
01:13Boyzone is over forever by Paul Martin.
01:21Yeah, fucking hell.
01:24Just reading what he told me, I mean, that is just,
01:28this really sums up how pissed off Shane was with Ronan.
01:33Honestly, all you had to do was talk to me about how you feel about Ronan,
01:37and off he went.
01:39I was angry at Ralph for years,
01:41and I found myself in this dark world.
01:45It didn't take a lot to upset me,
01:47and it would come out in any environment, any space,
01:51live TV, to concerts, to interviews.
01:55Do you get upset that they keep saying nasty things about you?
01:57No, you know what, so be it.
02:00We're all getting on with our lives.
02:02Boyzone, I don't think, are going to get back together, pretty much,
02:04and if the guys want to get back together, you know,
02:06I wish them the best, I hope they do well.
02:08We had decided to take a year off,
02:11and then get back together.
02:12Thank you very much.
02:13We're any kidding.
02:13Thank you very much.
02:14But one year later, I couldn't see it happening.
02:17Okay, I'm going to be in box.
02:19A bad lemon.
02:20Oh, a ball's lemon.
02:21Ball.
02:25What did you all take before you came?
02:27I was getting plenty of work,
02:30but it just wasn't fulfilling my dreams, I suppose, my goals.
02:37I really wanted to perform.
02:39I had to get out.
02:40I had to find something.
02:40I had to find something that gave me a bit of hope in life.
02:45Growing up, cars are with my life.
02:52My dad working as a car mechanic,
02:55me lying under any car, under any bonnet.
02:59It's who I am.
03:02I was blessed with an opportunity to drive in a show called Autosport Show.
03:06Autosport Show, the best in the world were there.
03:11And this dickhead.
03:14I came toward in that race.
03:16And from there, I got signed to Ford Motorsport.
03:20When you stand on stage, that energy that you got,
03:24I got that from cars.
03:27In boys' owner, I lacked purpose in my own mind.
03:30All of a sudden now, shit, this is your time to shine.
03:33Here she is, my one and only, Shelley Unwin.
03:42Shelley, good to meet you.
03:45Yeah, as well, in case you do.
03:46Out of the blue, I got a phone call from Coronation Street.
03:51Out of my comfort zone, to say the least,
03:53but nevertheless, I gave it my best shot.
03:57I went into Corrie for two or three episodes.
03:59I ended up staying on and off for ten years.
04:01Drink's over.
04:03Coronation Street gave me an identity.
04:05It gave me belief in myself.
04:07It gave me confidence.
04:08All of a sudden, I was somebody.
04:11That was Keith Duffy.
04:12It wasn't the big one in the back with the broken teeth.
04:14Now, did you watch your pal?
04:16Keith, yeah, I did, yeah.
04:18I thought it was fantastic.
04:19And do you all still keep in touch?
04:21I haven't spoke to Ronan in a while, or Mikey.
04:23Just that you're all so busy, you know, doing your own thing.
04:26You know, it's quite hard.
04:27Yeah, I'd always make time for boys on.
04:31After my solo album, it was very, very difficult, more difficult than I thought it was going to be.
04:37You know, quit for about a year.
04:39I came back and done some theatre.
04:42I loved doing that, but I just felt it really difficult being on my own.
04:47And, you know, being with four guys who you consider your brothers, and then just kind of not seeing them for a long time.
04:53None compares to being with the lads.
05:07It was unbelievable, in the noughties.
05:09Madness.
05:12My manager, Louis, at the time, was saying,
05:14Record company are pushing you, you've got to make the album, you know, we need the album made.
05:19I was very hungry, and I wanted to be great, and I wanted to have my opportunity.
05:23So I kept going.
05:25But it was quantity over quality.
05:29I'd loads of ideas for him.
05:31As a big, middle-of-the-road artist, he appeals to older women and stuff.
05:37And there's nobody better.
05:39That was his market.
05:40That was his lane.
05:41He just got it wrong.
05:43He just made the wrong choices.
05:47He didn't even know where the fuck I was.
05:49I opened in Sydney to 10,000 people.
05:51He didn't know I was on tour.
05:54Get ready for another TV phenomenon.
05:56Pop stars The Rivals is coming in autumn.
05:59Well, it's good, it's good.
06:00We are going to get good singers at the end of the day.
06:03Louis became a TV personality.
06:06He was given that chance, because he was the manager of Boyzone.
06:09And that obviously gave Louis an opportunity, but that took a lot of his time.
06:14I was on the phone to Ronin all the time.
06:17I talked to him every day, and he always wanted more.
06:22Things start to fall into place, and you realize, Louis's not a great manager.
06:26I gave him multiple opportunities to fix the problems.
06:32So I went and met him, and I said it to his face.
06:34He just said he didn't want to be a karaoke artist, and he wanted to record his own songs,
06:39he wanted to write his own songs, and he wanted to be a proper artist.
06:43I've got one shot in my career, and he didn't give a fuck.
06:47That shocked me, the fact that he wasn't happy with the songs.
06:51They were all hits.
06:53Hey, that's what you're in the business for, having hits.
06:57Just fell on deaf ears.
06:59I always told him the truth.
07:00What was the truth?
07:02You're a lucky fucker.
07:03You know, this is great, enjoy it.
07:06And I remember going in and saying, right, that's it.
07:10And what did you say?
07:12I said, OK.
07:13Nothing I could have done.
07:14I couldn't have changed his mind.
07:15It was a divorce.
07:16Battle lines are drawn, and you did have to pick a side.
07:23I picked Louis.
07:25I knew Westlife were going to be bigger than Boyzone.
07:27It was in my own selfish interest.
07:29But you had to pick somebody, and Louis made that very clear.
07:34It's this monumental shift in the media.
07:37Just the lag within the newspapers changed, and he was demeaned and diminished.
07:43I called him talentless and different things here and there in the press.
07:48He knew how to hurt me.
07:50Vicious fucking bitchy, vicious horrible things.
07:53He tried to ruin me and my career.
07:57Do I regret it?
08:01Yeah.
08:02A little bit.
08:03Do you think he knows that you regret it?
08:04No, he doesn't know.
08:06It was an incredible show of the strength of somebody who has the media that they think it is.
08:13You are who you are because I made you who you are.
08:16I was with Ronan all the time.
08:22You know, I was there working with him every day.
08:25So it was just inevitable that I would just take over eventually.
08:31Mark Plunkett, thank God for Mark.
08:34I kept my sanity because of Mark.
08:36We had a great time, lots of touring, lots of international trips, lots of TVs all over the world.
08:44You're mad busy because you're promoting your new album.
08:48But the singles out now, this is it.
08:50But there's inevitably going to come a point where the sales dip slightly.
08:54You know, the hits weren't quite as big as they'd been.
08:57I made my third album, my fourth, and things started to slow down a little bit.
09:07He wasn't having hits.
09:11But he's not having any since I left.
09:14I had done my party trick.
09:18And maybe I'd done it a few more times too much.
09:21And I needed to figure out again who I was, you know, where I was.
09:25So my compass kind of went back to North, to the boys.
09:412006, Gary Borrow was putting Take That back together.
09:47So I went along to see the show.
09:51All the fans noticed me.
09:53And the whole place started chanting my name and clapping.
09:57And I was like, I thought I had been completely forgotten about.
10:02So that was quite a surprise.
10:07And then when I seen their show, I was kind of feeling the bug again, you know?
10:18We just slowly but surely got to chat again to each other and little kind of whispers here and there.
10:24You know, Stephen would definitely be the one that would be pushing it with them.
10:27This is going to be great.
10:28You know, we have to do this.
10:29And just all spiralled into kind of us having a meeting.
10:32Let's get into a room.
10:33That was all.
10:35That's all.
10:35It was test the water.
10:41I was worried about the boys' reaction.
10:44I hadn't seen them for years.
10:47There was resentment.
10:49Bitterness.
10:51I was shitting myself going into the room.
10:53Yeah, 100%.
10:53I was nervous as hell.
10:54You know, you could feel there was a lot of scars.
11:12People were unsure, unsure it was going to work, unsure they wanted to do it at all.
11:17The rage that I had with Ro.
11:21In my mind, when I saw him, I was going to fucking destroy him.
11:25I was going to abort him.
11:28Very, very, very spiky.
11:30That first moment, walking into the room again.
11:34I was fuming.
11:35And when I saw his face, I could do nothing but hug the fella.
11:39Oh, I'm just going in.
11:40Oh, I'm just going in.
11:41What's happening?
11:42I'm just going down.
11:43Like, I miss you.
11:45That actually gave me a good insight to it's not always as bad as you think in your mind.
11:51I would just like to apologise if anything I have said or done in the past seven years has hurt or affected anybody in a negative or unhappy fashion.
12:02I wasn't the reason the band broke up, but I was definitely the reason the band didn't get back together before now, and I apologise for that.
12:08I made choices that I'm not proud of.
12:11I left them behind.
12:15For success.
12:18I did have blinkers on.
12:19Notion.
12:20Yeah.
12:21Didn't end right.
12:22We need to do it right.
12:26Aston if he thought there was any scope for the band getting back together.
12:29Things haven't always been as good as they are tonight.
12:32It was great going in so successful as an actor, but every now and again you'd get a surge of memories.
12:39The audience being blown away.
12:43And you go, wow, I'd love just one more chance.
12:46Maybe this could work now if we're all really on the same page.
12:50You know, it was there for the taking.
12:53Personally, you know what I mean, I'd like to do a little something.
12:56I really fucking missed all of you.
12:59I mean, I think it's just amazing being here.
13:00I mean, it's bad.
13:02It excited me, you know.
13:04I think everyone was kind of, let's do it, let's do a tour.
13:09Let's get to see if people are bothered with boys on anymore.
13:12Who's idea were those fucking outfits?
13:31Oh my God.
13:42We're first performance in eight years.
13:46We're climbing underneath the stage to go on these trap doors to be sprung loaded onto stage.
13:53So nervous going up in that lift and kind of going, oh my God, I don't know where I'm going.
13:58It's like you're robbing the headlights.
14:00You get a panic attack, you get this kind of, oh shit.
14:05And it's amazing.
14:06I remember that excitement.
14:13How we felt in that exact moment with that countdown.
14:17You can feel the breath.
14:19You can feel the energy from the crowd.
14:21And you cannot imagine what that's like.
14:23It's unreal.
14:34Oh man, that gives me goosebumps.
14:35I couldn't hear the first two songs, to be honest, because the crowd was so loud.
14:52I'm not there for glory.
14:57I'm there to go, look at all you people and look at the joy that we can bring you.
15:01Why did it take me so long just to find what the family was there on the lawn?
15:12We designed a moment, everybody would get their own little moment.
15:15And I think that's why it felt so different.
15:19I felt a part of the band for the first time.
15:23That my efforts were being appreciated, that we could now really be a band.
15:37We'd fill each other's spaces without even thinking about it, without even looking at each other.
15:42If Shane was out far right, you know, I'd see him starting to move in.
15:46If Mikey was in the middle, he'd move over to fill my space and you'd just fill each other's voids.
15:52And it's a real art.
15:57We're back. We were back.
16:00I just felt, you know, unbelievable.
16:03That was pretty magic then.
16:06Getting the band back together.
16:12That reunion tour was huge.
16:14You know, multiple nights in arenas.
16:17Then when they got back together, they asked me to take over the managing.
16:20I was glad to be involved.
16:22I've been there since day one in the UK.
16:26And, you know, I didn't want anyone else to carry on writing those chapters.
16:30See, we're the vocal harmony group we are.
16:33We're not a boy band, right?
16:34The plan was then to, you know, work on a new album.
16:37Everyone was in a great place.
16:38We, as a collective now, had more control over the music.
16:45For the first time, I was enjoying the music that Boyzone was doing.
16:50Took us 15 years to do that.
16:5207 to 09 were the best years of the band.
16:58We were the most comfortable in our own skin that we'd ever been.
17:02As soon as I get in a room with them boys, I'm the silliest fella I was back when I was 17, 18 years old.
17:07It's just kindergarten kids.
17:09It was absolutely brilliant to be back with those fellas.
17:12Like, nothing had changed.
17:14Like, nothing had changed.
17:15Just seemed to share even more laughs than we had before.
17:24I don't know, just a better understanding of each other.
17:27We've got to get this right. Go on, go on.
17:29Some people really came into their own, Stephen in particular.
17:33It was the best version of him I'd ever seen.
17:38The other guys have got girls to dance with. You've got a bloke.
17:40Yeah. I don't have to be true to myself, and that's how it turned out.
17:43And I think it works beautifully with the song.
17:46He was looking great.
17:48He had a book going.
17:49He had met someone new.
17:51Andy.
17:52They were just in love and got married.
17:56Very happy.
17:57Everything was going as planned.
17:59Presumably you're going to be working on new music together.
18:01For singles, a brand new song.
18:02And you have it already?
18:03Yeah, well, we think so.
18:05We had done the better tour.
18:06We had new songs for a new album.
18:08And that brother album is our finest hour.
18:10Everybody was really, really happy and in a good place.
18:14It's a blessing.
18:16Be given a second chance.
18:18And I'm loving every minute of it.
18:19My phone rang.
18:34It was a solicitor by the name of Gerald Keane, who Boyzone had used in the 90s.
18:39The phone rang, picked it up, and Gerald Keane says to me,
18:45I'm sorry to tell you, but Stephen has passed away.
18:56And I said, Stephen who?
19:02And, er...
19:05He said Stephen Gately.
19:10The Boyzone singer Stephen Gately has died while on holiday on the Spanish island of Mallorca at the age of 33.
19:16I had to call Louie and the guys and give them the news.
19:31It was late.
19:33We were in the bar, we were drinking.
19:35And as I left the crowd, Ro's voice came louder in my phone.
19:41He's like, Steele, Steele, he's gone.
19:42I said, what, our Stephen?
19:45He said, yeah, he said, he's gone.
19:48It just wouldn't go in.
19:50What?
19:51No, no, not our Stephen.
19:53Now I hear him screaming.
19:56For your heart.
19:57You still hear him.
20:03Can't breathe.
20:05Your legs got from under you.
20:08It would get through in little bits.
20:10And then it would be complete, just, break down.
20:18My wall just fell apart.
20:25Numb.
20:25We tried to put a plan together to get down to see Steele.
20:36Our instinct was just to get together.
20:38So that force of companionship and that force of, like, okay, where are you?
20:44How can I get to you?
20:45What do you need?
20:46I couldn't tell you the journey.
20:48Couldn't tell you anything.
20:49I just know we got on a fucking plane.
20:51The body of Stephen Gately was found by police officers.
21:02So far, Gately's family have made no comments.
21:03What caused Stephen Starr's death on Saturday remains unexplained.
21:08Miriam got me on a flight to Mallorca the next morning.
21:12I get out there, and it is heaving.
21:18There was press everywhere.
21:20It was crazy having the boys there.
21:22They just couldn't move.
21:23It was horrible.
21:24It was horrible.
21:26The kind of cesspit of journalism that sometimes it can all descend into.
21:31Paul, what can you tell us?
21:32What's the latest?
21:33Well, Karen, there's been quite a lot of movement here at the apartment.
21:35This is the apartment just beyond me here, where Stephen actually passed away.
21:39Suddenly, it's immediately, like, get the story.
21:45What has happened?
21:47What has happened?
21:49Nobody really is speaking in the boys' own camp officially yet.
21:52But obviously, there's quite a lot of speculation behind the scenes.
21:55So then you're starting to get around the hotels, and what clubs was he in?
21:58You're trying to put this together.
21:59He was found by police and taken here to one of the island's mortuaries.
22:03Although nothing has been confirmed officially, it's thought Gately and his partner arrived back here.
22:08You know, we had no idea what happened to him.
22:10You know, it's only what we've read, you know, in the press and stuff.
22:15Conspiracy theories are running wild.
22:17All the reporters, they're exchanging stories.
22:19Well, I heard this and I heard that.
22:21Lots of innuendo, lots of chatter about the circumstances around his death.
22:25Some of the rubbish that was written was just horrible.
22:27The worst for me was, they were saying, it must have been drugs.
22:33I was, like, screaming inside because, like, I knew, like, there was absolutely no way.
22:40It was quite incredible, the most ridiculous articles that were written.
22:45There was one in particular.
22:46Stephen's sexuality had led to his death.
22:51If he's gay, it must mean that he's got this incredibly, you know, outrageous, hidden lifestyle.
23:00Oh, he'd been out on a bender and overdosed on drugs.
23:04We were hearing everything.
23:06Having known Stephen for over a decade, he was the last man to, you know, have a hedonistic lifestyle or a dangerous lifestyle.
23:17It's the first time I've ever looked at my own industry, my own world, what I'd been part of and gone, you scumbags.
23:23My mother found two men at the end of her bed taking pictures of my parents as they woke.
23:32Basically broke into her house and went up the stairs and took pictures.
23:40With everything that was happening, I was just waiting for the autopsy report to confirm that it was something else.
23:47Because I knew it was something else.
23:52Pathologists here have concluded that he did not die as a result of alcohol nor drugs.
23:58He had a heart defect that nobody knew about.
24:02Because of the heart defect, his lungs filled with fluid.
24:08We found out I have the same heart condition Stephen has.
24:13Funny how just, you know, a little tablet every day just sort of keeps that under control and if Stephen only knew.
24:20People didn't bother their arses to really read up on what happened.
24:25They just see the headlines in the newspapers and they just assume that he's overdosed.
24:31Oh, you're in that band with that dead guy.
24:34Did he kill himself?
24:35I've gone from naught to ten in a second at times.
24:39You want to insult my brother, I'll fucking kill you, you know.
24:42I don't care how big or strong you are, you'd have to kill me to stop me.
24:47But to hear that they were now putting, like, a name, you know, to what he died from makes it a little bit easier just because it was just like you could breathe again, you know.
25:01We brought Stephen home.
25:13Margaret Stephen's mum asked us to look after the funeral arrangements.
25:17We didn't like the idea of him being alone in the church overnight.
25:28He didn't like the cold, he didn't like being alone.
25:32So we offered to stay the night with him in the church to keep him company.
25:37When everybody else left and there was just the five of us, there was a great sense of peace, of unity.
25:52I don't want to say sadness because, believe it or not, we actually had quite a comedic night.
26:08And the usual joking that used to go on in the very early days when everything was innocent and naive.
26:21For that night, that emerged.
26:27We put easels all around the church of pictures of Stephen.
26:31And we walked around looking at the different pictures, the different smiles, the energy in his face.
26:36And we talked to him.
26:38We knew what his part would be.
26:40We all knew it. We didn't have to say it.
26:42We could feel his voice and his energy.
26:44And we joked and we laughed and we talked about old stories.
26:48And what a thing to share with those boys and with Steele, those very last moments.
26:54We still had him, you know, in some way, we still had him.
26:58Just the five of us together.
27:00And you hold on as long as you can.
27:05Yeah, but morning came around real fast.
27:07We had a mass, a special mass, prepared for Stephen.
27:20It was really only family and the lads and friends, close friends.
27:24And when we turned up at the church, there was people lined for miles and miles.
27:29There was an ocean of photographers as well, flashing away as we were going in.
27:40So, I went over to the photographers and I said, you're welcome to come in.
27:44I said, everybody can come in.
27:46And they all, like, sort of stepped up to come in.
27:48And I said, you can leave your cameras there and then you can come in and pay your respects.
27:54You know, because he didn't pay your respects to him when he was alive.
27:58You know, none of them came in, you know.
28:06We can only have so many in here in the church.
28:09And I know we have so many, many people outside.
28:10So, just thanks to you for coming along to share in this special day to remember Stephen.
28:16Stephen, Stephen was a force to be reckoned with.
28:20A true friend full of love and friendship.
28:24He brought colour to the band and that band now simply feels black and white without him.
28:30We're going to really miss you, brother.
28:32We love you.
28:34We always will.
28:35Carrying his coffin with the other guys, you could have heard a pin drop.
28:50And this is on a street that was the toughest part to grow up in Dublin.
29:00And the height of respect that the people showed for this boy from their neighbourhood.
29:09It broke me.
29:10The love he had was fucking gorgeous to witness.
29:20It's a rare thing.
29:22Everybody loved him.
29:24He was a true pop star.
29:26He loved life.
29:28You know, he paved the way for so many to know it was OK.
29:32I mean, well, if that's not a legacy, what is?
29:35When I think of Stephen, all I can see is him being, like, four years of age with his little T-shirt on with Miss Piggy on the front of it.
29:49Very innocent and shy and just looking up, wanting to give you his hand for you to just take him.
29:56And just so lovable and kind and, you know, just a lovely person.
30:17It felt better to be in each other's company than not to be.
30:26When it all breaks up
30:29When it all breaks down
30:33We decided that maybe, you know, the right thing to do in Stephen's memory is to keep going.
30:42Shouldn't have.
30:44The dynamic changed what it felt like to be in the band.
30:49Sometimes it was hard just to do the gig.
30:52The three fellas and one missing.
30:54The void was massive and it made you feel so self-conscious, it made you feel like we were shit, it made you feel that we weren't, the audience just wasn't buying us anymore, you know.
31:06We went on and off over the years that followed.
31:13Ten years, a couple of tours, never felt the same.
31:19For me, it wasn't until he was gone that I realised how much he was the glue that kept a lot of the band together.
31:28Whilst Boysen were still being successful, still selling a lot of tickets, still touring all over the world.
31:35To me, it felt as if it was time to take a break, but rather than splitting up and falling out, announce the farewell tour.
31:43It got more and more intense and more intense and relationships broke down within the band.
31:58I spotted arrogance, the growth of ego.
32:05It just became hard work.
32:08People started just behaving fucking badly.
32:13And when that happens, something's gonna give.
32:20It came to a head in 2019.
32:26I saw it all.
32:27I was ready to get the fuck out of there.
32:29It's when the band imploded.
32:33I'm always ready, Boris.
32:38You know what I mean?
32:432019 was a tough tour.
32:56We went everywhere.
32:57I got a sense that towards the end, people were just holding on tight, enjoying the ride, having fun.
33:06When I can't.
33:08I can't, I can't.
33:12I've got to sing every day.
33:13I've got to last two hours on stage and, you know, I've got to be able to perform.
33:17And in Tokyo, I just felt the piss was being taken.
33:27If you're coming tonight, have a great time, because we certainly are going to have a fantastic time.
33:31See you later.
33:33I always found going on stage a bit of a party anyway.
33:37It's everyone out there is having a great time.
33:39I needed a great time too.
33:40I mean, they had been out all day and they were drinking all day.
33:43And yeah, it was messy.
33:50We certainly partied a little harder than we usually did.
33:55It was the end of the road.
34:08I think that they interpreted me as seeing their carry on as infantile.
34:14And that is how I see it.
34:15I'm sure if you talk to any one of the fans at any one of those shows, they'll tell you that they had the best night of their lives.
34:29It was the worst.
34:30It was the worst I had seen in all of our years.
34:38So I went at the mall, told them how I felt.
34:41It was a tennis match.
34:42It was a tennis match.
34:43From that guy, to that guy, to that guy.
34:45You're not pulling your weight like I'm pulling my weight.
34:48The job is always done, you know.
34:50He done a great job.
34:51And we did our job the way we did.
34:53You know, I gave it all at my detriment.
34:57I gave everything.
34:58To be the lead man, you take on most of the work.
35:02Don't complain about us who aren't working as hard.
35:05We don't have the opportunity.
35:07It's very different.
35:08You were the dude who wanted to be in the front.
35:10So take your fucking role and do it.
35:14It had reached a complete stage of malignancy.
35:21I had enough.
35:23The next night, there was a clash between Keith and Mikey
35:26in the dressing room.
35:27There were things that happened that were cruel.
35:32And I'm not going to express any more than that.
35:37My mother always said,
35:38if you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
35:43We left Japan.
35:45Some of us not talking with each other.
35:49And yet we still had to do the final five nights in the Palladium.
35:57All the venues we played, however big the venue might have been,
36:07we always shared a dressing room.
36:09Always shared a dressing room.
36:11And when we turned up at the Palladium, our names are on different doors.
36:19We lasted 25 years flying on the same plane, in the same cars, in the same room.
36:25And the final five shows that we were ever going to do, we were going to do it on our own.
36:35We went through the motions, got through the five shows.
36:38It was a very, very big anti-climax.
36:40There was no hullabaloo.
36:42There was no group hug.
36:44There was no...
36:46Well done.
36:47There was no one from the record company walking on stage with a ten times platinum disc
36:51and saying thanks for everything.
36:52I just wanted to get out of there.
36:58Get away from that toxic environment.
37:02The realisation came that this is the end of the road.
37:06It's over.
37:22I haven't seen anybody since that night.
37:28That's when I began to understand.
37:31I need to make some changes, you know.
37:42I've spent the last ten years saying yes, looking after everyone else,
37:46making sure everyone else is alright.
37:48But only now am I saying no.
37:50No, I've got to think of me.
37:54So that I can be here to watch my children grow up.
38:00For me personally, I wouldn't be able to survive in that world anymore.
38:04I had to get out.
38:06And I cannot do that to my family.
38:08Go back in there.
38:12It's an addictive drug.
38:15Because I took a back seat for such a long time over my career,
38:19I feel that I still have so much left to prove to myself.
38:25It's a real head fuck.
38:28We've all moved on.
38:29I've got Westlife.
38:31You know, I've had a great career in music.
38:33So I'm happy.
38:35I wouldn't have changed anything.
38:37It wasn't perfect, but it was perfect for me.
38:41Am I done?
38:45I'm going to go.
38:46I'm going to run.
38:47The music and the stage and the lights, I can leave that behind.
38:59But the friendship, I think, is what it is more than anything else.
39:04As much as we had had enough of being around each other.
39:10Hello, hello.
39:11Yay, boys.
39:12I couldn't bear to lose any of the boys.
39:15I hope you haven't been here too long.
39:17All fucking morning.
39:18All morning.
39:19I could put his glasses on.
39:20Oh, Jason.
39:21You're too close.
39:22You're too close.
39:23How are you?
39:24Good to see you.
39:25You look like Jane, Elton John.
39:26Oh, man.
39:27That was mad.
39:28You're blind as a bat.
39:29I know.
39:30I have a lot of anxiety and I feel a lot of the pain.
39:33The stuff that we've all gone through.
39:36But put me together with them and that doesn't exist.
39:39Looking well as always.
39:40You too.
39:41You're lovely.
39:42Where'd you get it?
39:43Kindergarten kids.
39:47As soon as they walk in the room, it's like we've never left.
39:52No, no.
39:53Here we go.
39:54Here we go.
39:55My head's better than yours.
39:56I'm keeping it.
39:57Cheers, lads.
39:58Cheers.
39:59It's like we're frozen in time.
40:07I wish them the absolute best in their lives.
40:10I wish them nothing but happiness.
40:12I hold no grudges, no animosity, nothing.
40:18However, I don't want to go back to how I felt for many years.
40:31And to see them, if it were for too long, would remind me of that.
40:39My future is far too important to me to waste it, looking back at my past.
40:49But I wish everybody well.
40:51For me, one of the biggest regrets is that I clashed a lot with Mikey.
41:02And me and him are very, very alike.
41:03The amount of time that we didn't get on, that took its toll on me as a human being.
41:06You know what I mean?
41:07It's really sad.
41:08The time wasted.
41:09You can't get those years back.
41:10It didn't have to be that way.
41:12If we all had have had better skills at understanding each other better.
41:22We're boys and we're men and we don't talk like that.
41:27It was never in me to go, oh lads, I don't feel great today.
41:31It doesn't exist in a man's world.
41:33I wish it had.
41:34I have parked all of that emotion.
41:37But we were kids, Ro.
41:38We were kids.
41:39I was incredibly insecure.
41:41And Ro, I think we all were.
41:43You know what I mean?
41:44They were fundamental years of, you know, growth.
41:47Multimental.
41:48Mental.
41:49Fun.
41:50Fun.
41:51There's nothing more therapeutic than reminiscing about the best times of your life.
41:59It reminds you of how lucky you have been.
42:02The RDS show, the first biggest show back in the RDS.
42:04I'm looking back at that, you know, the song that I used to do when I pulled my trousers off.
42:08It's hard to fucking fathom.
42:09Do you know what I mean?
42:10Yeah, yeah.
42:11Can you remember the times with Steele?
42:12Fucking catapult.
42:13Yeah, I know.
42:14Slingshot back to the fucking 90s.
42:15I remember being in Kuala Lumpur and I didn't know if that was South America or Asia.
42:19You and I with our ghetto blaster listening to Bleeding Enya, you know, in 94, 95.
42:23Don't tell anyone.
42:24Hip-hop, man. Hip-hop.
42:29I'm so grateful for all that I have endured, and experienced, good and bad, because it's
42:39brought me to be the man I am today.
42:45Every single day I have something to do with music.
42:50up with a spring in my step. The guy before I joined Boys On was slim, healthy,
42:59fit, full of vitality, full of confidence, full of passion. That's the guy that's
43:09returning. There's a great sense of liberation. I think we'll always be what we always are,
43:30and that's brothers in arms. Boys who grew up on the fucking north side of Dublin that
43:38got catapulted around the world. There could have been a million other lads in Ireland
43:45that got in that band, but I don't think they would have been as fucked up as the five of
43:51us were, and that's what made us brilliant. When you think about it, starting off playing
43:58in front of 25 people on the back of a truck to playing to 100,000 people in Hyde Park,
44:06how amazing was that? It's a hell of a ride. Success. And all of the good times really do outweigh
44:15all the bad times. These boys are my boys, and I will love them forever in a day. And when
44:24we're together, Stephen Gately is alive again, and that's what's the most special part. We
44:32did have a great laugh. And it's like looking back at a picture, saying, God, this is amazing.
44:40That's our story. It was a good one.
44:47If they came to you and asked you, should we get back together and do a reunion show, what
44:55would they say? Well, well, that's a question.
45:00Look, I'd be lying to you if I said there isn't a spark of excitement in my mind. People
45:10as far as the eye can see and the roar of the crowd.
45:13That? Yeah, I would love to experience that again. Who wouldn't? But there's so much more
45:22going on backstage.
45:23So perhaps I'll leave well enough alone. Or maybe.
45:30I know I said I'll never go on tour again, but they stayed there going on tour. I'm not
45:34getting left behind. You're mad. Who knows?
45:38I'm not getting left behind. You're mad. Who knew me?
46:02Transcription by CastingWords