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00:00Many people say that balance can be maintained in a life where we can have emotional bonding
00:05with family and equally we can focus on our work.
00:09We have been taught to be balanced personalities all our life and most of us agree to live
00:15compromised lives because all around ourselves we see only compromised figures so we feel you
00:20know probably that's the only possible way of life. Why can't everything be in service
00:25of something so great that there is no question of compromise. 10% I give to friends, 30% I give
00:33to wife, 20% I give to parents, some part I give to random scrolling and then the remaining 30-40%
00:39I give to work. That's the kind of balance most people have right? No there is no virtue in such a life.
00:45A divided life is a nightmare. Get into something and you have to stop because the next thing is
00:50now in queue. How good is that? I'm sharing it with you because no one actively in person shared
00:57this with me when I was your age. As a young person why must you not find something to be absolutely
01:05devoted to? This is not the kind of answer you're probably looking for but this is the message I
01:09have come to deliver so I'll prioritize what I have to say.
01:20Good evening sir. Amit Kumadirapati from BTEC 3rd year civil in IIT Bhopal and I'm glad to welcome you
01:31here in IIT Bhopal. Thank you. My question was on a balance in life as as many people says that
01:38balance can be maintained in life where we can have emotional bonding with family and equally we can focus
01:47on our work but many people say it's a myth but I tried both of ways but it failed for me because I
01:56am as a human being I am an emotional being so I need emotions and with I need to work for my goals also
02:07so what should be my approach for solving this?
02:11Do we get the question all of us? This question is how do I balance
02:23my emotions with my work? How do I balance my emotions with my work? Okay let's start with the basics
02:36basics. When does the matter of balance arise in the first place?
02:47When does the issue of balance arise in the first place? Only when you have two contradictory things
02:59things in your life, in your mental space or anywhere trying to outdo each other, competing for the same
03:11spot, that's when you have to think about some kind of adjustment. How much to give to this versus
03:24how much to give to that because this and that seem mutually incompatible, right? This is demanding
03:34something from me and that is demanding something from me and obviously I cannot fulfill both their
03:43demands simultaneously so I want to strike a balance.
03:47I say let me distribute myself or my time or my resources whatever in some proportion 50-50 60-30
03:5660-40 70-30 whatever
04:01Do you get this? So before we set out to achieve balance, it is important to see clearly that balance
04:12is needed only when you have contradictions in your life. Only when you have things, people, priorities,
04:22values that do not align with each other. For example, people talk of work-life balance
04:32and the question from our friend is much in the same direction.
04:37When people talk of work-life balance, what they mean by life is their personal life which corresponds
04:44to the emotional part of your being, right? And when they talk of work, they talk of livelihood,
04:50earning money, professional success, etc. And he is referring to much the same thing.
04:57How to achieve a balance?
04:59How to achieve a balance? And I am wondering why must first of all there be the need
05:07to achieve any balance? Because the very urge to have a balance reveals the presence of contradictions.
05:20It reveals the presence of contradictions. Otherwise, there is no need to have a balancer.
05:24And when there is balance, obviously, it means you are not allotting your 100% to either side.
05:33It is some kind of compromised distribution of whatever you have.
05:38That's a balance, right? That's a balance.
05:43And we have been taught to be balanced personalities all our life.
05:47But there is something within us that does not want a balance. It wants to go all the way.
05:56It loves extremes.
06:01It loves totality, absoluteness, wholeness, completeness.
06:07Nothing short of 100%.
06:15Is that not so?
06:19Would you enjoy it if I tell the balanced truth to you?
06:28Please tell me. What do you want? 100% of it?
06:30Or a balance between truth and falsehood?
06:41What do you want?
06:43Total freedom? Or freedom only for 6 or 8 or 12 hours a day?
06:48How do you want to be loved and how do you want to love?
06:58Totally or partially?
07:02You understand what this thing balance implies?
07:06You can never be total in your life.
07:08You can never be total in your life.
07:11But the moment I say that, a question arises.
07:17A question that resists totality.
07:20The question says, there are two opposites.
07:25And they both appear important and they both compete with each other.
07:30And if I allot 100% of myself to just one of them, what about the other?
07:35We have to take everything along, right?
07:40Right? We cannot survive or thrive on just one thing.
07:44So, if this is important, that too is important.
07:47And you are talking of allotting the totality of yourself to one thing.
07:54How is that possible?
07:56Again, question the assumption here.
07:59The assumption is, this has to be incompatible with that.
08:06Why does that have to be?
08:11Why can't your personal life be aligned with your professional life?
08:16Why must they be necessarily separated and in opposition to each other?
08:21Why must one always come at the cost of the other?
08:25Why do we not experience that too often in our day-to-day life, in our surroundings?
08:36So, what I am saying, may appear a little utopian, a little impractical.
08:43But please stay.
08:50What we have seen is, a fellow goes to office and he is one personality there.
09:00He says, I am earning money there.
09:02And then he returns to his house and he is another personality there.
09:07And he says, this is where I spend the money that I have earned at office.
09:12So, these two have to go together because to spend you first need to earn.
09:19You cannot give up on either of them.
09:21At the same time, you remain kind of unfulfilled and distressed in both the environments.
09:29Because you are never 100% anywhere.
09:39Why is it so that one part of life has to be totally separated from the other part?
09:45Think of what our friend is saying.
09:47Why do your emotions have to be in opposition to your work?
09:53Why can't your emotions be aligned to your work?
10:02And tell me, would you be able to give 100% to your work,
10:07if your emotions are running haywire, hither dither?
10:12You are at your workplace.
10:15You are engaged with some project, but your emotions are talking of some other thing.
10:20Now, you cannot engage with your emotions and your emotions will not allow you to engage with your work.
10:31Are you getting it?
10:32Is that a nice state to be in?
10:36And then we say, let me distribute my time wisely.
10:40I want you to explore why must there be any kind of distribution?
10:46Distribution is needed only among those that are desperate.
10:54Which means, those who cannot come together or go together.
11:01And if two things cannot go together in your life,
11:06are either of them really aligned with who you really are?
11:16Why must my personal life be separated from my professional life?
11:26Why?
11:30I'll give you a couple of examples.
11:34The first is from India's freedom struggle itself.
11:38We have had revolutionary couples, revolutionary couples.
11:54As a young man, when you talk of emotions, a large part of that relates to the opposite gender
12:02and the fact that you would be soon starting a family and such things.
12:05So, you will figure it out on your own.
12:11I am referring to the revolutionaries of Bengal.
12:16And you have had situations where the work and the choice of the person you are emotionally connected to
12:26are in perfect alignment.
12:28Now, your partner isn't going to complain, give me more time.
12:38Your partner is not going to say, you know, you don't have work-life balance.
12:43You are giving so much to your work and nothing to me.
12:48Whatever you give to your work, you are also giving
12:52to your emotional life, to your family life, because your partner is a part of your work.
13:04Don't dismiss it as too utopian too early.
13:07Because if you dismiss this, then you are dismissing a very strong possibility in your life.
13:14If you are dismissing this, then you are dismissing the possibility of wholeness in life.
13:27Just the last century, obviously, you would have heard of Sartre.
13:34Sartre is a great philosopher and he has a relationship with another philosopher, feminist philosopher.
13:56What is her name?
13:57Simone Bivu.
14:04And they meet and they discuss work.
14:07Now, Sartre doesn't have to stop work to meet her.
14:12They meet and they discuss work.
14:14And it is out of these meetings,
14:17that both of them could actually come up with their greatest work, books and philosophy.
14:27The work is the date.
14:30The official meeting is the date.
14:36Now, this fellow won't have to ask for a balance.
14:40Because he has been honest enough, authentic enough and daring enough to make work itself life.
14:51Now, work and life are totally overlapping.
14:54So, you don't have to balance one against the other.
14:59They are one already.
15:00There is no question of any balance.
15:05The question of balance arises only when we first of all compromise.
15:09And most of us agree to live compromised lives,
15:13because we have not been shown too many examples to the contrary.
15:17All around ourselves, we see only compromised figures.
15:21So, we feel, you know, probably that's the only possible way of life.
15:24No, that's not the only possible way.
15:26All my life, I have never had an office.
15:41And equally, I could say that all my life, I have never had a personal room.
15:45Because my room has been the office and my office has been my room.
15:53Why do I need to now strike a balance?
15:56I sleep in my office.
15:57And there was a time when my office was like an 8x10 kind of cabin.
16:10And I had a huge desk that occupied most part of the room.
16:14And just by my desk at night, I would unfold a thin mattress and lie down and sleep.
16:30Where is the question of balancing work and life?
16:34Where is the question of balancing activity and leisure?
16:38But that's another way we often talk of balance.
16:45We say, oh, you have worked too much.
16:47Now, you need to balance it by relaxing a little.
16:50Now, think of the person who relaxes in the middle of his work.
16:56Think of the person whose work itself has become his relaxation.
17:01And why can't you aspire for such a state?
17:04I don't have to run away from work to relax.
17:08I don't have to say, oh, you know, work hours and relaxation hours.
17:13There must be a 70-30 ratio.
17:15No 70-30 ratio.
17:16I work all the time.
17:18Equally, I relax all the time.
17:19It's always 100% either way.
17:23I work all the time.
17:24I relax all the time.
17:28In fact, my nicest, most peaceful and deepest moments of relaxation
17:34are moments like these.
17:38Incidentally, these are also the moments when I'm perceived
17:43as being in the middle of intense work.
17:46From where you are looking, probably I'm working intensely, right?
17:53This is work.
17:54There are these cameras that are recording and there is an audience
17:57and you are listening and some of you are even taking notes.
18:01And it is these recordings then that get edited and come out as books.
18:07So, this is core, hardcore work.
18:10It appears so, right?
18:13For me, these are the moments of my deepest relaxation.
18:17I don't need to balance.
18:20Yes, my legs sometimes might get tired.
18:23Yesterday, there was a 3.5 hour session and I was standing as I'm standing here because
18:28enjoy it more when my legs have freedom.
18:30The legs might get tired.
18:36I was not tired.
18:39In fact, if I'm tired, I want to get into work.
18:42If I'm tired and I want to relax, then I want to work.
18:48Because it is work that will offer me relaxation.
18:53Why can't you have a life like that?
18:57Why do your emotions have to be in opposition to your logic?
19:04Why can't everything be in service of something so great
19:08that there is no question of compromise?
19:14As a young person,
19:16why must you not find something to be absolutely devoted to?
19:21You understand the word absolute, not relative.
19:23Absolute.
19:27Absolute.
19:30And if you won't find anything to be absolutely devoted to,
19:33then you live a scattered life, fragmented life.
19:37Bits and pieces here, and bits and pieces there, some part there, some part here,
19:43and you are wandering randomly among all these parts,
19:50giving some part of yourself to this, something to that, something to that,
19:54and then consoling yourself that you are living a well-balanced life.
19:57You know, 10% I give to friends, 30% I give to wife, 20% I give to parents,
20:06then some part I give to random scrolling.
20:11Then I also have to, you know, watch TV and entertain myself.
20:15So some part I give to that.
20:17And then the remaining 30-40% I give to work.
20:21That's the kind of balance most people have, right?
20:24Are we together?
20:25Am I reaching you?
20:27Are we together?
20:28That's the kind of life we find people leading, right?
20:31And not only do they lead such lives, they actively propagate such lives.
20:41They would come and preach that there is virtue in such a life.
20:46No, there is no virtue in such a life.
20:48A divided life is a nightmare.
20:57Get into something and you have to stop because the next thing is now in queue.
21:01How good is that?
21:03No, that's not good at all.
21:04You are in your workplace and you are looking constantly at your watch.
21:12Why?
21:13Because somebody at home is waiting for you.
21:15It could be your parents, it could be your friend, it could be your spouse, somebody.
21:18Or your girlfriend, boyfriend, somebody.
21:20Now, why to have a person as your partner if that person doesn't align with your life work?
21:29I'm asking you.
21:31But we usually have that because work for us is only livelihood, a means to earn some money.
21:37So, here is this person and he has chosen some random job from campus because it was offering a particular package.
21:46And here is another person.
21:47This one too has chosen some random job because it was seen as respectable.
21:53And now these two get into a relationship with each other.
21:55And that's the third thing.
21:58So, one thing is the job that this one has picked up.
22:00Then there is a this one has picked up.
22:02The second thing and then there is the relationship.
22:04And none of these three sit well with each other.
22:08Why to give yourself this kind of life in the first place?
22:12Why should the question of balance arise in the first place?
22:22Why can't you live a life in which you forget time?
22:27To balance something you need time, no?
22:29Because time tells you when to stop.
22:31Why can't you lead a life in which there is no question of stopping?
22:37Because time has stopped.
22:39So, you don't need to stop now.
22:43You're immersed, totally into it, marinated.
22:46You don't say, no, I'm supposed to work only till 5 pm.
22:52And now I'm going back because I'm paid to work only till 5 pm.
22:55No, no, no.
22:57It's not a matter of getting paid.
22:58It's a matter of love.
23:00I work because this is my love.
23:02And if this is my love,
23:04then why do I have to leave it to go somewhere else?
23:06If I have a great, great purpose in life,
23:13then obviously the friends and the partners that I choose,
23:18they too will be the ones that align with that purpose, right?
23:22If I have a great purpose in life, why will I choose someone who does not resonate with that purpose?
23:34Is that possible?
23:36No, that's not going to happen.
23:39Because what I have chosen as my purpose is my first love.
23:43Love number 1.
23:49And then number 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, they will be decided by number 1.
23:56Number 1 will decide who will be these other people who will now enter my life.
24:01And they are entering because and only because they are in perfect alignment and resonance with number 1.
24:07So, they are never going to ask for a balance.
24:13Do I have friends?
24:17Yes, I have friends.
24:18I have friends within the foundation.
24:24My co-workers are my friends.
24:27And how can I really be great friends with someone who does not understand my great mission?
24:35It's impossible.
24:38Because that's what I am eating, living, breathing, sleeping all the time.
24:40If you are someone who does not understand the depth and gravity and importance of what we are trying to do.
24:50Why should I spend 2 hours gossiping with you?
24:54Your life is totally different from a centre that I have already rejected.
24:59Why will I talk to a person who is coming from a centre that I left behind long back?
25:14Are you with me?
25:16So, yes, I have friends.
25:18I go and watch movies sometimes when there is a remarkable or controversial one.
25:25With whom?
25:29With those who work with me.
25:32I don't say, you know, this is my circle of colleagues and this is my circle of friends.
25:39No, my colleagues are my friends.
25:42My colleagues are my friends.
25:43My colleagues are my friends.
25:49Are you kidding?
25:50There may never be a perfect overlap, practically.
25:55But why can't I try to minimize the distance at least?
26:01Why can't there be to start with a 60% overlap, then I say 70, 80, 90, 99, 99, 99, 99, 99, 99, that kind of a thing?
26:13You see, we are, pardon me for that, but we are largely loveless people.
26:24You understand lovelessness?
26:27We do not know what it means to give ourselves totally to greatness.
26:35We have desires.
26:36When you talked of emotions, you are actually talking of desires.
26:38We have desires, but we have very little love.
26:46And when there is love, then you cannot draw a finish line.
26:52You cannot say it stops here.
26:55What stops somewhere is a desire.
27:08Do I play?
27:10Do I play?
27:10Yes.
27:12And even when I go to play, I want people who relate to my work around me.
27:19In fact, even in the middle of playing, it so happens that there is a wave, an idea, a thought,
27:27and I stop and I discuss it.
27:29And I love that.
27:30And I am sharing it with you because no one actively, in person shared this with me when I was your age.
27:44Sitting on chairs similar to the ones you have here, in an auditorium similar to the one we have here.
27:55When I was your age, 18, 20, 22, well, wisdom is always available in great books.
28:03But I did not have anybody in flesh and blood coming to me and saying that a different life is possible.
28:11It is very easy to sell out.
28:18It is very easy to succumb, bow down and kneel to all kinds of nonsense.
28:27And it is very easy to just squander away the only life you have.
28:30And in spite of whatever I say, I know most of us will want a life of compromises.
28:43Because a life of compromises is also a life of relative safety, security, conveniences and such things.
28:52We do not want to dare too much.
28:54We do not want to risk too much.
28:57We do not want to get wounded beyond a point.
29:00But as young people, you must try that out.
29:09You might enjoy it.
29:13You might enjoy it.
29:17Do not let your life be divided.
29:19Do not be one person at one place and another person at another place.
29:30This is not the kind of answer you're probably looking for.
29:38But this is the message I have come to deliver.
29:41So I'll prioritize what I have to say.
29:43So my name is Aman Shukla.
29:54I'm from NLIU Bhopal.
29:56So, sir, the point that you raised that imbalance is something that we can accompany in our life.
30:03Imbalance is something that we can have in our life.
30:07It is fine to have imbalances because like…
30:10Imbalances, you said.
30:11Imbalances, yes, sir.
30:12So for an example…
30:13No, no, I didn't say you can have imbalance.
30:16Sir, wholesomeness, for an example…
30:18Yes, wholesomeness.
30:19For an example, like when we walk, we need to imbalance our body so that we can move ahead.
30:24So that way, I took it as an imbalance.
30:29So my question was that everyone here is going to be in the life, right?
30:34Like after the college life, people would be coming and that is fine, you addressed that.
30:41But what about the people who are already in my life?
30:44How to manage them?
30:45Because they won't be having any kind of work in my life and the similar kind of common ground to talk.
30:52Nice, nice.
30:52Good question.
30:54Good question.
30:55The questioner says, well, I find something worth loving,
31:01something worth giving my time to.
31:03It could be a field of research.
31:05It could be a particular technology you really enjoy.
31:10It could be a musical instrument.
31:14It could be some form of activism.
31:17You might want to be a writer.
31:19You might want to be a journalist.
31:20You might want to say, you know, I want to now fly away to the US and become a great manager.
31:29You might want to know something that you feel that, yeah, this is it and I can see it relates to me,
31:37it relates to the world and it is something I can without any regret give everything to.
31:44to so that's that's something you can find but now you are already 20 or 25
31:50and there is something that you are discovering now the questioner says what
31:56about the people who are already in my life because I have a history of 20
32:01years and they're already in my life most remarkably family this family then
32:08there are schoolmates then they're also college mates and I have a pre-existing
32:12relationship and there is an emotional bonding and shared memories and such
32:16things and now I have begun to discover the purpose of life now I have begun to
32:24discover what it means to live in love but they have stayed where they were my
32:32parents remain the way they always were my relatives old friends they have
32:40remained the way they were but I have seen something new fresh alive radiant
32:47what to do with those people now share what you have with them
32:54share
32:57share that there can be something called excellence that life can be devoted to
33:03absolute excellence and you can devote yourself to excellence only when you
33:09have a beating heart share this with them
33:15hopefully some of them will resonate with what you are telling them
33:22hopefully some of them will understand that you are sharing something precious
33:29and keep trying but very judiciously very discreetly you must also know when the
33:39other one has started offering unreasonable resistance you are trying to
33:48share something precious with the other one and the other one is just
33:52offering unreasonable resistance and the stubbornly refusing to partake in the
33:59vision the other one is saying a life of mediocrity is the best for me the other
34:05one is saying no there is nothing called love there is only give and take there are
34:08only transactions in life what do you mean by love and the more you try to
34:15explain it the more you you lay out your heart the more the other one is turning
34:21resistance when you when you come to this point then you should stop trying
34:25because that's a wastage now of your time and effort
34:30are you getting it you are obliged to bring forth the best to the other yes you can
34:39display it you can encourage the other
34:45but you can never force the other into loving
34:50can you perforce make somebody love excellence no if that fellow has already
34:58decided that mediocrity serves me best I'm in a particular safe secured job let's
35:05say a government job and I have been a mediocre one all my life my entire
35:08department is mediocre and yet we have received promotions in time and yet we have
35:13a certain status in society so there is nothing so much wrong with mediocrity with
35:19with a divided life the other one is insistent that's the point when you should
35:24stop trying
35:27no point banging your head incessantly against a wall stop trying and concentrate
35:34on somebody else who is more receptive you have limited time limited energy obviously
35:42you must first try to take them along hmm you get something wonderful you want to share it with
35:48those around you right that's basic humanness mama see what I got see what I got something new
35:55something very unlike whatever you or I have ever seen I have discovered life
36:03itself and you want to share it and you really are honest about sharing it and if
36:09they don't want to initially receive it you'd still want to keep trying keep
36:12trying yes keep trying but don't say that I have to now limit myself to these few
36:20people when it comes to displaying excellence if you have to display
36:26excellence there are hundreds others who are actively waiting who are hungry
36:33thirsty and receptive if you go to them talk to them demonstrate to them they will
36:41be grateful and and success will be much more easily achieved right
36:50hello everyone my name is Sherry Gupta I have been joining a Gita session from last seven
37:05months but as I'm listening to Acharya ji on YouTube as well but you know we think on YouTube
37:13also is very helpful for us because we don't know anything and we didn't think about
37:20such things like self knowledge about Gita so we think we are getting lots of
37:27things from YouTube like when I started listening to Acharya ji through Gita session it's totally
37:34different then I realized YouTube is only one percent and I miss so much you know I miss so much
37:45whatever Acharya ji wants to tell us about our life the aura of Acharya ji is totally different when we connect with him through life session
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37:59my friend
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