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Transcript

00:00:00Transcribed by ESO, translated by —

00:00:30Transcribed by —

00:01:00Transcribed by —

00:01:30Transcribed by —

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00:02:29Transcribed by —

00:02:59Ah!

00:03:29Oh, my God.

00:03:59Oh, my God.

00:04:29Oh, my God.

00:04:59Oh, my God.

00:05:01I think it was a man.

00:05:03A man bear?

00:05:05No, just a man.

00:05:09Oh, my God.

00:05:11Oh, my God.

00:05:13God damn it, Woody.

00:05:15I thought you said you were straight to drive, man.

00:05:23What was that?

00:05:25I think it's another truck.

00:05:26We're going to die.

00:05:36God damn it, Woody.

00:05:37We ain't going to die.

00:05:37Now, back this fucking truck up so we get the fuck out of here.

00:05:40Fuck this.

00:05:55Yes, sir.

00:05:56With the long-anticipated senior year around the corner, I think it's time to join the

00:06:14secret society of sleep addicts.

00:06:17Who am I kidding?

00:06:17I dream loudly, but I have to buckle down if I want to get into a good college.

00:06:22I don't want to jinx myself.

00:06:24Forget school for now.

00:06:25After today, it's officially beach week, and I can't wait.

00:06:29I'm going with my BFF since grade school, Carrie.

00:06:31And her stupidest boyfriend, Freddy.

00:06:35Spring break, bitches.

00:06:36I swear one day I hope he knocks himself out doing that pose.

00:06:41Have a seat, Frederick.

00:06:43Yes, ma'am.

00:06:44Hey, buddy.

00:06:46Then there's Jason.

00:06:48He's my half-cousin, which doesn't stop him from trying to put the moves on me.

00:06:52Barf.

00:06:56Brooklyn.

00:06:57My other BFF, Samara's douche boyfriend.

00:06:59He moved here in the sixth grade, but still claims New York.

00:07:03Ew, I wish he would move back.

00:07:05Which brings me to Samara.

00:07:07She's in geometry, probably chewing gum and playing with her hair.

00:07:11So pens off to you, dear journal.

00:07:12Let's make this one black, white, red, and awesome all over.

00:07:18Okay, class, settle down.

00:07:20I want you to spend the remainder of the class reading chapter 13 on moving proteins into membranes.

00:07:26I've got some protein that needs moving.

00:07:27You can move yourself to the principal's office if you like.

00:07:32That's what I thought.

00:07:34Now begin reading class.

00:07:35I woke up one morning and I kicked my dog.

00:07:50I beat my neighbor's head in with a big maple log.

00:07:55Then I called his big fat hairy wife a big fat hairy slob.

00:08:00If I had the blues, the mean motherfucker blues.

00:08:06Yes, pal.

00:08:22May I be excused to the restroom?

00:08:24Hey, soldier.

00:08:32Hey, you.

00:08:33You miss me?

00:08:34A little.

00:08:35You ass.

00:08:36Okay, okay.

00:08:38I missed you.

00:08:39Get me the fuck out of here.

00:08:48Fuck you up!

00:08:53Quiet.

00:08:54Quiet it down.

00:09:12What happened?

00:09:13That should have been a long time ago.

00:09:15What did you do this time?

00:09:20Don't cock-lock me at the beach.

00:09:22You gotta go.

00:09:25It's not gonna be the same without you.

00:09:26No chance.

00:09:33Hey, Christine.

00:09:34Hey.

00:09:35Did you talk to Samara?

00:09:36Yeah, she's not coming.

00:09:37How many times is she gonna put up with his shit?

00:09:39A million.

00:09:39I hope that kid falls.

00:09:45Yeah.

00:09:47Can I smell?

00:09:48These aren't cut-up Twinkies, Jason.

00:09:51Fucking lard ass.

00:09:52Oh, my God.

00:09:57What the fuck is he doing here?

00:10:06What's he doing here?

00:10:08Samara's not coming.

00:10:09I told him he could still come.

00:10:11Why'd you do that?

00:10:12Because he has the weed.

00:10:13Get off my nuts.

00:10:17Get off my nuts.

00:10:18Let's go.

00:10:48Hello?

00:11:17I don't know.

00:11:47I don't know.

00:12:17I don't know.

00:12:47I don't know.

00:12:57What a...

00:12:59What a...

00:13:01What a...

00:13:03What a...

00:13:05What a...

00:13:07What a...

00:13:09What a...

00:13:11What a...

00:13:13What a...

00:13:15What a...

00:13:17This isn't enough to get to Mexico home.

00:13:19What a...

00:13:23What a...

00:13:25What a...

00:13:27What a...

00:13:29What a...

00:13:33What a...

00:13:35What a...

00:13:37What a...

00:13:39What a...

00:13:41Let's go.

00:14:11Hey asshole, what the fuck you looking at?

00:14:41I'm not going to die.

00:15:11I don't know.

00:15:41Let's get the fuck out of here.

00:15:46What the fuck did you do Woody?

00:15:48Road beers.

00:15:49Oh shit.

00:16:02Continue on this route for 87 miles.

00:16:06Can our GPS tell us where we can get some dank nugs?

00:16:09Heh, I wish.

00:16:12So what's the first thing you guys are gonna do when you get to the beach?

00:16:15I'm gonna get fucking drunk.

00:16:17I can't wait to just lay out.

00:16:20Me too, and take a dip in the ocean.

00:16:22Yeah, I can't wait to pot that motherfucker.

00:16:24Yeah, swim for sure.

00:16:25You gonna swim with your shirt on again, Jason?

00:16:27What? I guess sunburn easy.

00:16:29Yeah, it's not because of your mitts.

00:16:32Mitts?

00:16:33Yeah, mantits.

00:16:35Shut up, Freddie.

00:16:36I told you I was born with an extra thyroid.

00:16:38And two stomachs like a cow.

00:16:40Cows have four stomachs, dumbass.

00:16:42Don't be jealous because Jason has bigger tits than you.

00:16:44Fuck you, Freddie.

00:16:45Don't be a dick.

00:16:46What?

00:16:47Cool.

00:16:48Weed.

00:16:49What?

00:16:50I can get down.

00:16:55Hey, so why did Samara bail again?

00:16:59Oh, she had crabs.

00:17:00She didn't want to give it to everybody.

00:17:02Smartass.

00:17:03Yeah.

00:17:04Right.

00:17:05Yo, I need to take you small town peeps to BK to show you how we get down for real for real.

00:17:12Yeah, I could go for a whopper.

00:17:14No, man, I'm talking about Brooklyn, fool.

00:17:15I thought you said you were from Syracuse.

00:17:16Well, yeah, I mean, I am, but I hung out on Brooklyn a lot.

00:17:17That's where my cousins stay at.

00:17:18Aren't they, like, really far apart?

00:17:19Like hundreds of miles?

00:17:20Yeah, I live, like, right on the line.

00:17:21What are you, the riddle or something?

00:17:22Stop asking me so many questions.

00:17:23I'm trying to roll this blunt.

00:17:24I'm trying to roll this blunt.

00:17:25I'm trying to get down for real for real.

00:17:26I'm trying to get down for real for real.

00:17:27Yeah, I could go for a whopper.

00:17:28No, man, I'm talking about Brooklyn, fool.

00:17:31I thought you said you were from Syracuse.

00:17:33Well, yeah, I mean, I am, but I hung out on Brooklyn a lot.

00:17:38That's where my cousins stay at.

00:17:39Aren't they, like, really far apart?

00:17:41Like hundreds of miles?

00:17:42Yeah, I live, like, right on the line.

00:17:46What are you, the riddle or something?

00:17:47Stop asking me so many questions.

00:17:48I'm trying to roll this blunt.

00:17:49Let's roll this blunt.

00:17:50Let's roll this blunt.

00:17:52I don't know.

00:18:22I don't know.

00:18:52Hey Jason, bring me back a sweet tea.

00:18:58Hi, where's your bathroom?

00:19:11Who wants to know?

00:19:13Uh, me?

00:19:15I really need to use your bathroom, miss.

00:19:19It's around that time.

00:19:23Honey, ain't you forgetting something?

00:19:27You need a key.

00:19:29Oh.

00:19:31Thanks.

00:19:33Don't you be going and flushing your bloody tampons down the toilet and leaving them all with your way.

00:19:41You throw them in the goddamn trash, you hear?

00:19:43Um, okay.

00:19:45All you high school girls bleed like Dracula fucked Willy Wonka and formed a blood factory and slaughtered all those Oompa Loompas and made a bunch of Bloody Marys for a chain of Coyote Uglers.

00:19:59All of Dracula's wives went out at a night in the town and went to a bachelor party and all had their periods at the same time.

00:20:05Yes ma'am.

00:20:07Yes ma'am.

00:20:09Yes ma'am.

00:20:11Yes ma'am.

00:20:23Yes ma'am.

00:20:33What the fuck is she doing?

00:20:48Dropping the kids off at the pool and giving them swimming lessons?

00:20:51You're so gross.

00:21:03What the fuck is she doing?

00:21:33That. Fucking. Bitch. I knew I couldn't fucking trust her. God dammit I knew it.

00:21:46Just relax Dirk. You don't want to Hulk out. It's been six weeks since you've been laying. Just be cool.

00:22:03Hey. Hey. What's wrong? You look like somebody killed your cat. Cat? I don't have a fucking cat. Are you mistaking me for someone else?

00:22:20It's an expression. What's your problem? Express this bitch. Hello Dirk.

00:22:30Cat? I'm a fucking dog person. Don't you know me at all?

00:22:35Cat?

00:22:39Max?

00:22:42Bzd biodatz?

00:22:45I don't know.

00:23:15Whoa, whoa, what the fuck?

00:23:34Pullover.

00:23:37Oh my god, Carrie.

00:23:38Oh, what did you eat?

00:23:58Shut up, Freddy.

00:23:59Shit.

00:24:00Maybe she just needs to eat some grass or something.

00:24:06Really?

00:24:07Freddy?

00:24:08That's what my dog does when his stomach is upset.

00:24:14Yeah, I think it was just something I ate.

00:24:19A school cafeteria.

00:24:21I don't know.

00:24:22Yeah, looks like Friday's corn dogs.

00:24:25Let's get out of here.

00:24:27Why don't you shut up, Jason?

00:24:28Why don't you shut up, Jason?

00:24:34Oh my god.

00:24:35Oh my god.

00:24:36I don't know.

00:24:37Oh my god.

00:24:39I didn't know.

00:24:43Oh my god.

00:24:44I don't know.

00:24:46I don't know.

00:24:48So let's do this.

00:24:49I don't know.

00:25:19I don't know.

00:25:49I don't know.

00:26:19I don't know.

00:26:49I don't know.

00:26:59I don't know.

00:27:00I don't know.

00:27:01I don't know.

00:27:02I don't know.

00:27:03I don't know.

00:27:04I don't know.

00:27:05I don't know.

00:27:06I don't know.

00:27:07I don't know.

00:27:08I don't know.

00:27:09I don't know.

00:27:10All right, Jason.

00:27:11Let's go.

00:27:12For what?

00:27:13Because I said I have something important to tell you.

00:27:16No, you don't.

00:27:17You're just going to tell me something dumb when we get in there.

00:27:19Guys, just go.

00:27:20Yeah.

00:27:21Go, Freddy.

00:27:26Get the fuck out of the car.

00:27:29Okay.

00:27:30God.

00:27:31Hey.

00:27:32How are you feeling?

00:27:36Better.

00:27:37Just having some major cramps.

00:27:47Are you starting?

00:27:48No.

00:27:49I already had it.

00:27:55What can I do you for?

00:27:56We'd like two rooms.

00:27:57King size it is.

00:28:22What can I do you for?

00:28:23We'd like two rooms.

00:28:25Two rooms?

00:28:26Are you guys with another couple?

00:28:27No.

00:28:28They're for us.

00:28:29Well, you know those don't connect, right?

00:28:30We're not gay.

00:28:32Weren't you holding his dick on the way in?

00:28:35Because I don't like cleaning blood off the sheets and shit off the sheets.

00:28:38I don't like cleaning blood off the sheets and shit off the sheets.

00:28:40No, sir.

00:28:41No, sir.

00:28:42Okay.

00:28:43Two non-gay rooms.

00:28:44Okay.

00:28:45Two non-gay rooms.

00:28:46Two non-gay rooms.

00:28:47It'll be 69-35.

00:28:52gonna be 69-35.

00:29:04A rooms will be sixty-nine thirty-five.

00:29:34Check out, it's 11 a.m.

00:29:40You wanna lick my balls?

00:29:41What?

00:29:42You wanna lick my balls?

00:29:43Excuse me, sir, one more time?

00:29:45I said, do you want a wake-up call?

00:29:49Oh, no, we're good.

00:29:54You're all set.

00:29:56Those rooms are at the end of the building on the left.

00:30:00Oh, and guys,

00:30:02enjoy your stay.

00:30:06Thanks.

00:30:14Hey, look, I know we got two beds,

00:30:16but why don't you go ahead and sleep out in the car, buddy?

00:30:18What? No, I paid for one of those rooms.

00:30:20Come on, I'm just trying to get some alone time with Carrie.

00:30:22Oh, man, forget that.

00:30:24Plus, dude, she smells like corn dogs and throw up.

00:30:27Just give me ten minutes, I'll wave you in when I'm done.

00:30:29No, man, I'm tired.

00:30:31How about I break off your butt plug?

00:30:33Alright, fine.

00:30:35Ten minutes, buddy.

00:30:37We at the beach yet?

00:30:39No, we're stopping for the night.

00:30:41Jason, what are you doing?

00:30:43I think he wants to jerk off or something.

00:30:45No.

00:30:47Freddy said I had to sleep in the car so we could have sex with Carrie.

00:30:49You fat fuck.

00:30:51You're unbelievable.

00:30:53You are such a dick, Freddy.

00:30:55You are such a dick, Freddy.

00:31:27Now see what you made me do, and if I see you step one foot inside that room, I will fuck you up.

00:31:57Freddie!

00:32:02Come on, I'm not doing nothing.

00:32:08Baby, are you still upset because of what fat ass said?

00:32:10Because I'll kick his ass if you want me to.

00:32:13What I will for you.

00:32:15I'm not going to let anyone disrespect my girl.

00:32:18Oh, come on, Freddie.

00:32:19Come on, for real.

00:32:20You can't let little punks like that get to you.

00:32:22Throughout your life, you're going to come across people who constantly want to knock you down because you're a good person.

00:32:26I know because I'm good people.

00:32:28Freddie, I'm not having sex with you.

00:32:31What sex?

00:32:32That's the furthest thing from my mind.

00:32:35Unless you want to.

00:32:37No, I don't feel low.

00:32:39Babe, I got blue balls.

00:32:41Good.

00:32:42I hope they fall off.

00:32:43How can you say that?

00:32:44Our twins are in there.

00:32:45Frederick the second and Fredrina.

00:32:47I'm sick here.

00:32:49Are you seriously still talking?

00:32:51There's no such thing as blue balls.

00:32:53It's just something guys say to get laid.

00:32:55It's not just blue balls.

00:32:57The men in my family have a long history of producing ten times the amount of testosterone of the average Greek god or gorilla.

00:33:02We have to have sex every day.

00:33:04Preferably ten times a day.

00:33:06Yeah, so you've told me.

00:33:08Then you know it could lead into explosive penis syndrome.

00:33:10Rumor has it the last pope died from it.

00:33:12Freddie, if you don't get the fuck out of my face with that shit, you'll be lucky to get any this trip.

00:33:17Fuckin' blue balls.

00:33:32You alright, boy?

00:33:36Yeah, I'm fine.

00:33:37I'm just taking a leak.

00:33:38Our bathroom smells kind of funny.

00:33:39Well, you know if you shake a ball three times, you'll play with it.

00:33:40Yeah, I've heard that.

00:33:41But I'm only on the second shake, so I'm good.

00:33:42Okay.

00:33:43Okay.

00:33:44Yours.

00:33:45Yours.

00:33:46Yours.

00:33:47Yours.

00:33:48Yours.

00:33:49Yours.

00:33:50Yours.

00:33:51I'm heard you know?

00:33:52Where'd you hear?

00:33:53Right.

00:33:54Oh.

00:33:55No.

00:33:56I've got to ask that one.

00:33:57Shawn.

00:33:58I've gotta always get your job.

00:33:59Here's what's my head on,

00:34:00Jason.

00:34:01mieć casi prostitu DIRECTOR.

00:34:02We'll do it.

00:34:03Yes, I've got to change.

00:34:04No, espero.

00:34:06Awesome?

00:34:07Nothing.

00:34:08Some love you don't have to participate in this game.

00:34:09Hey, what are you doing?

00:34:10Sure, дело we are as fuck with Boss.

00:34:11Hey, I forgot to have to put it in my twist.

00:34:12If I'm ready.

00:34:13Get away, thanks for a big deal right now.

00:34:17Can you get that young man?

00:34:19Whoa.

00:34:20You've got to do it.

00:34:21Oh, my God.

00:34:21I don't know.

00:34:51Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

00:35:08Ah! Ah! Ah!

00:35:10Carrie!

00:35:11There's... there's someone or something out there.

00:35:15I think she wanted my shoes.

00:35:18Are... are you okay?

00:35:20Why?

00:35:23Do I not look okay?

00:35:26No, you... you look great.

00:35:29Your hair... is pretty.

00:35:32I need you to do me a favor.

00:35:34Yeah, what?

00:35:35I want you to fuck me as hard as you can.

00:35:39What?

00:35:41Ah! Fuck it!

00:35:50Why are you smoking that in here?

00:35:59To get rid of the smell of sex.

00:36:01It doesn't smell like sex in here.

00:36:03Not yet.

00:36:06I'm not having sex with you.

00:36:10All right, all right, all right.

00:36:12How about a nice blowjob for a big red apple?

00:36:18What? Ew, no!

00:36:20So you're due for free there?

00:36:24Are you stupid?

00:36:25We're not hooking up.

00:36:27Okay, Sherlock.

00:36:32Why do you think we are conveniently here in the same room together?

00:36:38This is supposed to be me and Samara's room.

00:36:41And Samara invited me.

00:36:44And you and Samara aren't together anymore.

00:36:47That's why she ain't here.

00:36:54Shit, you was better the first time.

00:36:56Yeah, but I ain't her thighs like shaking and shit.

00:36:58Cause you had that beard on top of the hood.

00:37:01Fuck you.

00:37:02I love your big ass.

00:37:04Fuck you.

00:37:05Fuck you.

00:37:06I give a fuck.

00:37:08I'm gonna pick you up here.

00:37:09I'm gonna like that son of her ass.

00:37:10Yeah, you gonna carry it down.

00:37:12Well up, well up.

00:37:13Bitch, I get out a little bit.

00:37:15What?

00:37:16Man, fuck her.

00:37:18Who are you texting?

00:37:20I'm just one of my friends.

00:37:22Mm-hmm.

00:37:24Guy or girl?

00:37:26Girl?

00:37:27She's sending me pics of her new puppy.

00:37:30Really?

00:37:31Yeah.

00:37:32Let me see.

00:37:34I had to delete it.

00:37:35My inbox was full.

00:37:41Are you being jealous?

00:37:46Fuck this.

00:37:47I'm not crazy enough to be with you.

00:37:53Fucker.

00:37:56Derek!

00:37:57You better get back here you pussy or I'm never gonna fuck you again.

00:38:02I've had better sex in boot camp.

00:38:05What?

00:38:06Check this.

00:38:07Derek!

00:38:08Dirk!

00:38:10Dirk!

00:38:15DIRK!

00:38:16DIRK!

00:38:21DIRK!

00:38:22Damn, boy! You look like you're falling away from shitting yourself!

00:38:31I'm sorry, sir.

00:38:32Everything all right with your room?

00:38:34Yeah. Room's fine. It's just the bitch that's in it.

00:38:52Oh, fuck. Oh, yeah.

00:39:06I was wondering when you were going to come to...

00:39:08Oh, what the fuck?

00:39:11That's a pretty nice goose egg you got on your noggin.

00:39:15Why don't you put your peter back in your pants?

00:39:17Bought your chicken choking ass with me, I don't know how the missus fix you up.

00:39:24Nah, I'm alright, man.

00:39:36Brooklyn, I invited Samara, she invited you.

00:39:41You two aren't together anymore, yet you're here and she's not.

00:39:46Do you understand what I'm saying?

00:39:52So, what you're saying is, I make you feel safe.

00:39:58What? Where would you get an idea like that?

00:40:01Si, Si, I know what you meant.

00:40:06I'll protect you.

00:40:07You see these?

00:40:10These are considered deadly weapons.

00:40:13They are registered in all 65 states.

00:40:16I shouldn't even be wearing these right now.

00:40:19Why you think I had to move out of Brooklyn?

00:40:22Because I was banned.

00:40:24You wanna know what my warrior name was?

00:40:28Big fat dick, deadly hands.

00:40:35I'm going for a walk.

00:40:37Cool.

00:40:38Can you bring me back a sweet tea and some ginger snaps?

00:40:40Yeah, sure.

00:40:41Sure.

00:41:11Thanks.

00:41:18You're welcome.

00:41:20Rogue stranger with manners?

00:41:22I'm just trying to change the rogue stranger's bad rep.

00:41:26I'm sorry, are you hitting on me?

00:41:29What?

00:41:31You're Pamela's boyfriend, aren't you?

00:41:33I was, but I just found out she's been cheating on me.

00:41:38Oh my god, I'm sorry.

00:41:40I feel like such an idiot.

00:41:43Nah, it's cool.

00:41:45Don't worry about it.

00:41:48Wait.

00:41:51I'm Christine.

00:41:54I'm Dirk.

00:41:56So, are you headed to the beach, or...?

00:42:00I was.

00:42:02Not so sure now, though.

00:42:04You?

00:42:05Yeah, me and my BFF.

00:42:07That's cool.

00:42:09Um...

00:42:15So you're in the army, right?

00:42:17Yeah, I was.

00:42:18Up till a couple weeks ago.

00:42:20It's a long story.

00:42:22Bad ending.

00:42:24You're really on quite the roll, aren't you, Dirk?

00:42:26Yeah, that's for sure.

00:42:28You wanna talk about it?

00:42:30No.

00:42:31No.

00:42:32That's cool.

00:42:35I won't judge you.

00:42:40Okay.

00:42:45Were you overseas?

00:42:47No.

00:42:48Local.

00:42:49I just got out of boot camp and realized it wasn't really my thing.

00:42:52No?

00:42:54It was more or less my dad's dream.

00:43:01Did you know on average, 12 people a year die from vending machines falling on them?

00:43:06Do vending machines just randomly fall into people?

00:43:08I don't know.

00:43:09Most of the time, people just get pissed.

00:43:11They lose their money or their snack and they shake it.

00:43:15The other ones are random, though.

00:43:17Like fluke earthquakes.

00:43:19And why are you putting your vending machine expertise on display for me?

00:43:23Are you trying to impress a girl?

00:43:28Wow.

00:43:29Dangerous vending machine.

00:43:30Dark motel.

00:43:32Late at night.

00:43:34Shouldn't you have your boyfriend take care of this?

00:43:37Well, I don't have a boyfriend.

00:43:39A not?

00:43:40No.

00:43:41Cool.

00:43:43So you are hitting on me.

00:43:45What if I was?

00:43:47That depends.

00:43:48Are you a psychotic rapist?

00:43:49What if I was?

00:43:50I mean, no, no.

00:43:53I'm nothing like that at all.

00:43:54I don't think you would tell me if you were.

00:43:56No, no.

00:43:57I'd say something.

00:43:58Psychotic rapists take a solemn oath.

00:44:05Well, Dirk, go ahead and hit on me.

00:44:07See where it takes you.

00:44:08Alright.

00:44:11I'm so sorry.

00:44:13I'm so sorry.

00:44:14So after I graduate, I'm going to go to veterinarian school.

00:44:17Oh, so you like animals?

00:44:19No, I hate them.

00:44:20Duh.

00:44:24My dad's a vet, too.

00:44:25Oh, your dad was in the war.

00:44:26Shut up, Dirk.

00:44:30But yeah, I'm a bit of a daddy's little girl.

00:44:32No.

00:44:33Well, I'm a bit of a daddy's girl, too.

00:44:35You are such a smart ass.

00:44:38Okay.

00:44:39Okay.

00:44:40Cut it out.

00:44:41Now, me, I'm more of a mama's boy.

00:44:44What does your dad think about you leaving the army?

00:44:47Well, he doesn't know I left.

00:44:50He thinks I graduated.

00:44:52He even bought me a gun as a graduation present.

00:44:55I just really haven't had the heart to tell him I left.

00:44:58Well, I'm sure he'll understand.

00:45:05So, are you a cat or dog person?

00:45:10Well, I love all animals, but since you're so eager to categorize me, I would have to say I'm a cat person.

00:45:19Oh, lame.

00:45:20What?

00:45:21No, you cat people, you're just... weird.

00:45:26We are not.

00:45:27No?

00:45:28No.

00:45:29No, really, you are.

00:45:30Did you know, on average, that 12 old ladies a year die by their cats eaten alive?

00:45:38Here's the stats man again.

00:45:40No, really, I'm serious.

00:45:41I'm not talking about the ones who just hoard, like, 78 of them in their single wide trailer.

00:45:46Sometimes it's the ones that just have one or two of them.

00:45:49You forget to feed them one night, and the next thing you know, BAM!

00:45:53Kitten chow.

00:45:54And you cat people are notoriously violent.

00:45:57No.

00:45:59And another thing, cats are just so dumb.

00:46:02Now, dogs, that is a smart animal.

00:46:06Cats are way smarter than dogs.

00:46:08Oh, really?

00:46:09Mm-hmm.

00:46:10And how many drug-sniffing cats have you heard of?

00:46:13Twelve.

00:46:14Oh.

00:46:16What was that?

00:46:17Sounded like it was Cary.

00:46:18Cary?

00:46:19Cary?

00:46:20Sleep.

00:46:21Cary.

00:46:22Cary?

00:46:23Cary?

00:46:24I don't know what to do.

00:46:54Dirk!

00:47:05I'm sorry. It was a reaction.

00:47:07Go!

00:47:08Go!

00:47:09Go!

00:47:11Go!

00:47:17Get the keys! Get the keys!

00:47:19Go! Go! Go! Go!

00:47:21Alright! Alright!

00:47:24What are you doing here?

00:47:29Oh, God!

00:47:33Yo! Zombie bitch!

00:47:42Carrie, what happened to you?

00:47:45You were my BFF.

00:47:48Why? Why?

00:47:50Something tells me she's not your friend anymore.

00:47:52What the f**k is going on?

00:47:54I don't think we should stick around to find out.

00:47:56I don't think we should stick around to find out.

00:47:57No!

00:47:58No!

00:47:59No!

00:48:00No!

00:48:01No!

00:48:02No!

00:48:03I just missed him !

00:48:04No!

00:48:06No!

00:48:07No!

00:48:12No!

00:48:19No!

00:48:20No!

00:48:22No!

00:48:23Oh!

00:48:24No!

00:48:25No!

00:48:54Are you okay?

00:48:56Yeah, I think so.

00:48:58Are you okay?

00:48:59No, what the hell is going on?

00:49:00And why won't that guy just die?

00:49:03I don't know.

00:49:06Thank God.

00:49:07I'm calling the police.

00:49:14Hi, yes, police.

00:49:16You gotta send someone quick.

00:49:19My best friend just tried to kill me.

00:49:22I think it's something she ate or she's on her period.

00:49:37The Red Room Motel.

00:49:40Christine.

00:49:41Yes, please, hurry.

00:49:46Have you seen my keys?

00:49:48Oh, Carrie.

00:49:50Carrie.

00:49:51The Red Room Motel.

00:49:52Come on.

00:49:53Come to Daddy.

00:49:54Carrie.

00:50:01Come to Daddy.

00:50:02Bye.

00:50:03Come on.

00:50:04Come to Daddy.

00:50:05Come on come to daddy

00:50:35No, no, no, no, no, no!

00:50:56Darks!

00:50:57Gary, please let go of me.

00:51:13Gary, please let go of me!

00:51:27Kick her in the bench!

00:51:57Gary, please let go of me!

00:52:04Gary, please let go of me!

00:52:12Gary, please let go of me!

00:52:18Are you okay?

00:52:36No!

00:52:37Fuck!

00:52:48Yo, shorty, where's my ginger snaps?

00:52:51Brooklyn, I'm gonna need you to listen to me very carefully.

00:52:57Who the fuck invited John McClane?

00:52:59What's with the burner, John?

00:53:01It's for protection.

00:53:03You need to listen to your friend.

00:53:05Your only pussies carry guns.

00:53:06You see these right here?

00:53:08Yo, you see these?

00:53:09Brooklyn!

00:53:10Carrie's dead and she's trying to kill us.

00:53:14Who the fuck is Carrie?

00:53:18She's still out there.

00:53:21Are you guys for real?

00:53:23No bullshit.

00:53:24Take a look for yourself.

00:53:42I don't see no dead bitch.

00:53:44Fuck!

00:53:45Fuck!

00:53:46Oh!

00:53:47What the fuck?

00:53:48Get the fuck away!

00:53:49Hey, relax!

00:53:50We have to stay calm, alright?

00:53:52And who the fuck are you?

00:53:54I'm the guy that's gonna save your ass.

00:53:57Call me Dirk.

00:53:59What?

00:54:00Is this guy for real?

00:54:03No.

00:54:04Yeah!

00:54:05I know.

00:54:06No!

00:54:07Not a crawl.

00:54:08Okay!

00:54:17Oh yeah.

00:54:18I agree!

00:54:20Why are you first?

00:54:21I'm soon to see thearray.

00:54:23I'll see you who in Isaith.

00:54:24How Issue is decided.

00:54:25I guess since my Bottas from this movie,

00:54:26the first movie is ripping off too long.

00:54:31Hey, Dispatch, what was the address on that location again?

00:54:38713 River Road. Roger that.

00:54:41Roger that. I'm on location. I don't see any signs of a disturbance.

00:54:56What's going on in here?

00:54:57Nothing, man. We were just sleeping.

00:55:00Sir. Sir, he's dead tired.

00:55:15Why are you guys so close together?

00:55:18Um, we just finished, you know.

00:55:22You guys from like California or something?

00:55:33No, man. We're just headed towards the beach and we just stopped here for the night.

00:55:37Yeah? What happened to your head?

00:55:40I got caught on his zipper.

00:55:46Did you guys hear any other kind of noises or anything? Like screams or something?

00:55:50Besides us? No, not really.

00:55:52Well, how about you keep it down then, huh?

00:55:55Yes, sir. Thank you.

00:56:02What was that?

00:56:03Nothing. He's just having a bad dream. Isn't that right, baby?

00:56:06Wow, come on. Go to sleep.

00:56:11Must've just be safe.

00:56:13You too, sir. Have a good night.

00:56:15How could I think your balls were too clits?

00:56:32Freeze!

00:56:33Thank God, officer.

00:56:34How could you put that gun down right now?

00:56:36The weeds there!

00:56:37Quiet!

00:56:39Good, sir.

00:56:40Okay. I'm putting it down.

00:56:42We're the ones that called you, sir.

00:56:47Someone or something is trying to kill us.

00:56:50Back away slowly.

00:56:52Bring your hands where I can see them.

00:56:56Why aren't you listening to us?

00:56:58Miss!

00:56:59Bring your hands where I can see them.

00:57:01Okay.

00:57:06Dispatch.

00:57:08Sir?

00:57:09Governed is that?

00:57:11Dispatch.

00:57:12Yeah, I'm over at the motel and I don't know what the hell is going on over here.

00:57:16Yeah.

00:57:17Miss!

00:57:18Back up!

00:57:19It's gonna work!

00:57:20Sammies is what's going on!

00:57:22You motherfucking prick!

00:57:24So tell them to send for the fucking SWAT team and bring a motherfucking army!

00:57:30Christine!

00:57:31And!

00:57:32Between all of those fucks!

00:57:33Tell them to pray for a fucking miracle!

00:57:35Then I don't shove a fireball up your ass!

00:57:38Christine!

00:57:39What?!

00:57:42One lady!

00:57:43Do not do!

00:57:45Observe this!

00:57:46Sir!

00:57:47What?

00:57:48Behind you!

00:57:49The fuck?!

00:57:50Never tried to get him again!

00:57:55Ah!

00:57:56The keys!

00:57:57The keys!

00:57:58The keys!

00:57:59The keys!

00:58:00The keys!

00:58:01The keys!

00:58:02The keys!

00:58:03The keys! The keys!

00:58:14The keys! The keys!

00:58:30Run! Run!

00:58:33Run!

00:58:39Run!

00:58:44Run!

00:58:47Run!

00:58:49Rika!

00:59:03Rika!

00:59:19Argh!

00:59:25Don't do it.

00:59:31Ah!

00:59:49You've been fucked.

01:00:19You okay?

01:00:25Yeah, thank you.

01:00:28You know, it's a good night for America.

01:00:32What?

01:00:49Yeah.

01:01:01Oh, my God.

01:01:21Oh, my God.

01:01:41I don't know what you should do here, but...

01:01:51I don't know what you should do here.

01:02:01You know what I'm looking for about that?

01:02:07I'm looking for some fresh finger food.

01:02:13Oh, my God.

01:02:21Oh, my God.

01:02:23Oh, my God.

01:02:25Oh, my God.

01:02:29Oh, my God.

01:02:42What the hell?

01:02:44Oh, my God.

01:02:47Oh, my God.

01:02:49Shoot him in the brains!

01:03:01Shoot him in the other brain!

01:03:19Come on, give me the keys!

01:03:31Go!

01:03:46Let's check the fuck out.

01:03:50No!

01:03:51No!

01:03:53Aaaaaah!

01:04:04Aaaaaah, aaaaaah, aaaaaah, aaaaaah, aaaaaah, aaah!

01:04:11Scream!

01:04:12Scream!!

01:04:14Scream!

01:04:16Scream!

01:04:18Scream!

01:04:20Scream!

01:04:25Scream!

01:04:26Scream right away!

01:04:28Scream banned!

01:04:32Scream.

01:04:35Scream.

01:04:37Scream!

01:04:38St deliberated!

01:04:40Fuck you, bitch.

01:05:00I want to go home.

01:05:03I'll drive.

01:05:10I'll drive.

01:05:33Hey, I just wanted to say thank you.

01:06:03You're welcome.

01:06:05And hey, thanks for, uh...

01:06:19My god.

01:06:20What?

01:06:21What is it?

01:06:33What did you do to me?

01:06:35I didn't know.

01:06:37I must be immune.

01:06:38Stay away from me!

01:06:40Christine!

01:06:41Christine!

01:06:42Stay away from me!

01:06:44You stay!

01:06:45Are you one of them?

01:06:50Are you one of them?

01:06:52No!

01:06:53Oh, shit!

01:06:58She was pretty.

01:06:59Yeah.

01:07:00She was.

01:07:01Where are you headed?

01:07:02South.

01:07:03That's where my family is.

01:07:04We just came from South.

01:07:05That's fucking chaos.

01:07:06Fuckers are everywhere.

01:07:07Is there anyone left?

01:07:08A few.

01:07:09Where are you going?

01:07:10Where are you going?

01:07:11South.

01:07:12That's where my family is.

01:07:13We just came from South.

01:07:14That's fucking chaos.

01:07:15Fuckers are everywhere.

01:07:16Is there anyone left?

01:07:17A few.

01:07:18Where are you going?

01:07:19South.

01:07:20Didn't hear what we just said, man?

01:07:21Ain't nothing down here.

01:07:22I'll take my chances.

01:07:23What exactly do you think you're gonna do?

01:07:25Earth just googled hero.

01:07:26That came up number one.

01:07:27What the?

01:07:28And there was nothing left to do but die.

01:07:30But now I think I see the light.

01:07:32I think I see the light.

01:07:33Through the crack in my coffin.

01:07:34I think I see the light.

01:07:36I think I see the light.

01:07:37I think I see the light.

01:07:38I think I see the light.

01:07:39I think I see the light.

01:07:40I think I see the light.

01:07:41I think I see the light.

01:07:42I think I see the light.

01:07:44I think I see the light.

01:07:45I think I see the light.

01:07:46I think I see the light.

01:07:47I think I see the light.

01:07:48I think I see the light.

01:07:49I think I see the light.

01:07:50I think I see the light.

01:07:51I think I see the light.

01:07:52Think I see the light, think I see the light

01:07:55And my soul is gonna be alright

01:07:58Because I think I see the light, think I see the light

01:08:03Through the crack in my car for the night

01:08:05Think I see the light, think I see the light

01:08:09Think I see the light, and my soul is gonna be alright

01:08:14I was already packed and all ready to go

01:08:18When the ringer came a-callin', I was prayin' to the Lord, please come and save my soul, while my body was a-fallin'.

01:08:30My body is deceased, my body is deceased, my body is deceased, and no ones ain't gonna feast.

01:08:38My body is deceased, my body is deceased, but I think I'm about to see the lie, oh yeah, I think I see the lie, I think I see the lie, through the crack in my coffee and I think I see the lie, I think I see the lie, I think I see the lie, now my soul, it's gonna be alright.

01:09:01I was already packed and all ready to go, when the ringer came a-callin', I was prayin' to the Lord, please come and save my soul, while my body was a-fallin'.

01:09:17My body is deceased, my body is deceased, my body is deceased, my body is deceased, my body is deceased, my body is deceased, but I think I'm about to see the lie, oh yeah, I think I see the lie, I think I see the lie, through the crack in my coffee and I think I see the lie, I think I see the lie, I think I see the lie, I think I see the lie, now my soul, it's gonna be alright.

01:09:47All right, yeah, already packed and all ready to go. When the reaper came a-callin', I prayin' to the Lord, would you come and save my soul while my body was a-callin'.

01:10:04They put me in the ground, put me in the ground, preach a silly prayer and say, Lord, let me down. Put me in the ground, put me in the ground, but I think I finally see the light.

01:10:19Oh yeah, I think I see the light, I think I see the light, through the crack in my coffin, I think I see the light, I think I see the light, I think I see the light, and my soul is gonna be all right.

01:10:34I think I see the light, I think I see the light, through the crack in my coffin, I think I see the light, I think I see the light, I think I see the light, and my soul is gonna be all right.

01:10:50And my soul is gonna be all right.

01:11:04I woke up one morning and I kicked my dog, I beamed my neighbor's head in with a big maple log, then I called this big fat hairy wife a big fat hairy slob.

01:11:32I heard the blues, the mean motherfucker blues.

01:11:39I stole his car and I headed downtown, saw the paper boy, I ran that little bastard down.

01:11:46Threw it in reverse and squashed his brains into the ground, I had the blues.

01:11:53The mean motherfucker blues.

01:11:54The mean motherfucker blues.

01:12:00The mean motherfucker blues.

01:12:01The mean motherfucker blues.

01:12:07The mean motherfucker blues.

01:12:08The mean motherfucker blues.

01:12:09The mean motherfucker blues.

01:12:14The mean motherfucker blues.

01:12:15The mean motherfucker blues.

01:12:21The mean motherfucker blues.

01:12:23The mean motherfucker blues.

01:12:28I was doing 90 and I heard that siren wail.

01:12:44God pulls me on

01:12:46He says he's taking me to jail

01:13:14He says he's taking me to jail

NIGHT OF SOMETHING STRANGE Exclusive Full Comedy Movie Premiere English HD 2024

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