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00:00The one thing that I was afraid of for those five and a half years became my
00:09reality that day. And I think that's also just still hard to grasp. He had
00:18reached his limit of ways he could hurt me and I think he was desperate and
00:23didn't know what else to do. And I think he did that because he knew that that
00:29was my worst nightmare.
00:34I don't know I just...
00:38It does make me feel guilty just because it's just really just a simple fact I think, what if I just never took him seriously?
00:56I hold a lot of that guilt on myself and it's been...
01:01I'm sorry.
01:03I'm sorry.
01:07I'm sorry.
01:09I'm sorry.
01:11I hold a lot of that guilt on myself and it's been...
01:16I'm sorry.
01:18I hold a lot of that guilt on myself and it's been...
01:20I'm sorry.
01:22I'm sorry.
01:24I hold a lot of that guilt on myself and it's been...
01:26But I don't think that it's just a time to reconsider life.
01:31If I anticipate you in a real ordeal this week, then, look like that parentbutt tech��라고
01:34This is me and Teddy.
02:04That was my real first relationship, first person that I fell in love with, but this is not a happy memory.
02:19I actually remember this day, and I was kind of leaning away from him because this was not too long after one of the times that he actually put his hands on me.
02:29I just look so uncomfortable. I'm just not happy at all.
02:36And he was trying to overcompensate for that by being more affectionate.
02:46And I think I just was so naive at that point in life that I just kind of took it to the extreme, and I didn't realize how broken he was.
02:57And the fact that a 17, 18-year-old girl at that point could not fix that.
03:02If I could change bringing Teddy into my life, I would do anything to change that.
03:09And now that I realize that, it's like, damn, like, sorry.
03:16Sorry.
03:17Sorry.
03:18Sorry.
03:19Yeah.
03:20Bye.
03:21Bye.
03:22Bye.
03:23Bye.
03:24Bye.
03:25Bye.
03:26Oh, this is my high school graduation photo.
03:51My grandma, she came from D.C., so my dad was really happy.
03:56My sisters came, my mom.
03:59This is probably one of his proudest days.
04:04I can kind of even see it just on his face.
04:07I did graduate with honors.
04:09I had a 3.9, so I got like a special cord for my ROTC achievements also, and then I was
04:18part of one of our school clubs for our academics, so I also got a cord for that one.
04:24So they were, yeah, they were really, really proud this day.
04:29I'm like, wow, this is great.
04:32I'm finally like, I made it.
04:37I love my dad so much.
04:39He was just like the rock of our family.
04:42He would randomly, throughout the week, we would go play basketball.
04:49But after a while, I started to get better, so he's like, okay, I'm going to take you,
04:52and we're going to play, but I'm going to like watch from over here.
04:55And he would just show me little things, like he showed me how to change an oil filter,
05:00how to change my own oil, how to change a tire.
05:03He would always tell us, like, if I'm ever not here, you know, I want to make sure that
05:07you'll be able to take care of yourself and do these things.
05:11He always sacrificed for us.
05:13For me, my mom, my sisters, our whole family, really anybody he cared about, he sacrificed
05:18so much.
05:38It was very disappointing for me to have to leave the Air Force Academy.
05:42I was very hurt.
05:43Like, I was like heartbroken.
05:45I called my parents from Colorado crying.
05:48They gave me the opportunity to leave, go home, and come back and, you know, just restart
05:52next year with the next class.
05:55But then that summer is when me and Teddy started dating.
06:00When I first realized my feelings towards Teddy, there were definitely the butterflies
06:04and just little things that, you know, anything new that he might say or do would, you know,
06:10just make me feel, I don't know, like just butterflies, I guess.
06:14So it was good at first.
06:21It's almost like Teddy was like an outcast in his family.
06:25They just didn't treat him like my family treats each other.
06:29It made me feel bad.
06:30It made me feel like, you know, anytime someone needs help, I just want to help.
06:34So when I saw him, you know, having these family issues, I'm like, okay, maybe I can help.
06:39Something that I thought would be a good thing backfired.
06:41I think it makes me so emotional because I just wish I could go back to that time.
06:50That was like such a pivotal point.
06:53I feel like if I would have just made one different decision, that maybe everything that happened with Teddy wouldn't have happened.
07:02One day I remember my dad had told me that he saw Teddy at a fast food restaurant.
07:21He walked into the restaurant, he saw Teddy.
07:24He was there with another female.
07:26They were holding hands.
07:28This was maybe, maybe about six months or so after I had told my parents that me and Teddy were dating.
07:36So I did ask Teddy about the whole girl at the fast food restaurant.
07:41And of course he claimed that it was just his friend.
07:45He gave me this whole speech and, you know, you're the only person I want to be with.
07:50It was kind of like a, a love bombing of words.
07:55I covered for Teddy so many times, especially, you know, I tried to do everything I could to make him not look like the type of person that he was clearly showing everyone he was.
08:05I didn't want to accept the fact that the person that I thought I was in love with at the time was possibly doing something wrong.
08:16Teddy had gotten a few fights before we met, so I just heard, you know, about how he could be a little confrontational.
08:21And I think I definitely should have paid that more attention, but I didn't see it as necessarily a red flag at that time.
08:34I remember this night, me and Teddy, we were with a bunch of friends and there was this guy just being overly pushy.
08:40Yo.
08:41What's up?
08:42He was just like, what's, you know, what's your number?
08:43What's your name?
08:44And just not letting it go when we ignored him.
08:45I just want to know your name.
08:46Teddy zooms over and he's like, what's up?
08:47Like, you messing with my girlfriend?
08:48So they get into it.
08:49Teddy just hit him one time and knocked him out.
08:53Everybody was just like, oh my gosh.
08:55I just I was just like, oh my gosh.
08:58I was just like, oh my gosh.
08:59Oh my gosh.
09:00I was like, oh my gosh, I was like, oh my gosh.
09:03Oh my gosh.
09:04I was like, oh my gosh.
09:05I was like, oh my gosh.
09:06I was just being overly pushy.
09:07Yo.
09:08What's up?
09:09He was just like, what's your number?
09:10What's your name?
09:11Just not letting it go when we ignored him.
09:12I just wanted to know your name.
09:13Teddy zooms over and he's like, what's up?
09:15Like you messing with my girlfriend or the other stuff?
09:17So they get into it.
09:18Teddy just hit him one time and knocked him out.
09:20Everybody's like, oh, my gosh.
09:24That was the first time I saw him hurt somebody.
09:28And I feel like at that moment in time, I'm like, okay, maybe your bad reputation could, you know, protect me somehow.
09:37Like, he's a protector kind of person.
09:39So in my mind, I'm thinking, like, okay, maybe this is, like, my dad.
09:45I thought, okay, maybe I can help him change.
09:48I see these bad things, but that doesn't mean you have to be a bad person forever.
09:54Because now that I'm older, I'm like, okay, you could have de-escalated that situation differently.
09:59I definitely should have taken that as a red flag.
10:02I think back then I thought of it as, you know, this, like, grand thing that you've done for me.
10:08Like, oh, you protected me.
10:09Like, oh, wow, like, how, you know.
10:12But now it's, it was kind of almost a form of control, I feel like.
10:18Um, kind of using that situation to make me feel safe, even though I wasn't really safe with him.
10:24When we first started dating, Teddy had got in a few fights, you know, just some negative situations back then.
10:41At that point, his temper, nothing had got better.
10:43We were starting to argue here and there.
10:46And, yeah, my parents found out a couple times about the altercations I got in, um, because of Teddy and, you know, they were upset and I was, you know, I was disappointed in myself.
10:57That's when it just really started to be like, okay, this isn't what I thought it was going to be.
11:01Like, I broke up with him and I started, uh, dating someone else.
11:08I went to a party one night with, uh, the guy that I started, um, you know, recently talking to after I cut Teddy off.
11:16The next thing I hear, someone's like, oh, Teddy's outside.
11:21In my mind, like, maybe he's, maybe it's a coincidence.
11:24But then they're like, he's not just, like, outside chilling, like, he's outside with a bat.
11:33Me and my, a couple of my homegirls, you know, walked over to Teddy and were like, you know, what are you doing?
11:38Like, what's, what's all this about?
11:40What are you doing here?
11:42I came here to get you.
11:43We're leaving.
11:45Teddy basically told me I'm leaving with him.
11:48He was coming there to show either me or the new guy I was trying to talk to that, like, oh, you can't have her type of thing.
11:57And I'm like, oh, my gosh, he's coming here and he's going to beat up the guy that I just started talking to for no reason.
12:03Track to school.
12:04Why don't you?
12:05He's a dead man.
12:07Either I get in the car or it's going to be some sort of altercation.
12:12This is what's going to satisfy him.
12:14Let me just do it.
12:15Okay.
12:16Okay.
12:17Come on.
12:18It was scary at the time.
12:23He, like, begged and pleaded, please talk to me, you know, we can make it work.
12:28It was almost like an apology, but almost like a, you have no choice but to forgive me and take me back.
12:35I ended up leaving with him that night.
12:37We talked and I decided to take him back.
12:40You know, I believed the things he told me about how he would change and what he would change.
12:45I saw the things that were wrong.
12:47But I didn't think that it would become an aggression towards me.
12:52He was so, you know, already into controlling me that I, there was nothing else I could do to leave him alone.
13:00That probably wouldn't have resulted in something bad happening.
13:03So, yes, it's a lot of weight to carry and I need to release it somehow, but it's easier said than done.
13:11The whole reasoning behind moving to Greenville with Teddy was to try to get him away from all of the bad things that he was doing.
13:34I just felt like he had so much more potential.
13:38When we first moved in together, it was good, but then things changed after that.
13:43One day, we were kind of in the common area of the house and just going back and forth, arguing.
13:51It was kind of just a regular argument, but I said something and he just kind of came rushing at me.
14:00That's at that point when he pushed me down and started choking me on the floor.
14:12I'm like, what's going on?
14:14I couldn't really fight back.
14:19It just happened so fast and I, you know, look at him in his face.
14:24It's just, it's anger.
14:28It doesn't look like he's in control.
14:32He would call me a bitch or, you know, you or just anything that he could to degrade me as much as possible in that moment.
14:43Um, and then I also thought, you know, if you try to fight back, um, he might hurt you even worse.
14:51So I just, just kind of let it happen and just waited for it to be over.
15:01Probably held me down for at least 15 seconds.
15:06Um, long enough to where I literally had no air left in my lungs.
15:09I thought, okay, I'm about to pass out and that's when he released me and we kind of, I sat there for a while.
15:17Um, I didn't move.
15:18I just never experienced so much hate from someone before.
15:26Um, just the feeling that I felt in that moment when it was actually happening.
15:30Like, I could feel, like, hatred.
15:35I'm like, I, and my mama, I could have just died.
15:37By the time he did come back, he, like, helped me get up and brought me, like, some water and he was very apologetic.
15:45He was crying.
15:46So I think it was just, just him trying to persuade me that he was so sorry that it wouldn't happen again.
15:55He knew I had a, a good heart and he used that to his advantage.
16:03And I didn't want to call and tell my parents because I thought, you know, oh, this was only one time.
16:09And if I call the police on him, we'll never be together again.
16:12I just tried to keep it between us and protect him yet again.
16:17I thought, okay, this was just a mistake.
16:19I didn't die.
16:20It's okay.
16:21It'll be okay.
16:21It's kind of what I told myself and not knowing that this is going to become, like, a whole thing at that point.
16:29They told us that they would be searching the house.
16:45At that time, Teddy was, um, dealing with, like, different things with, like, people's bank accounts.
16:51And he had the credit cards that weren't in his name.
16:55They ended up first arresting Teddy.
16:57I was arrested for possession of stolen goods since the credit cards that Teddy had were actually in my room.
17:08At that moment, that's when it kind of really hit me, like, what is going on?
17:13I'm like, this is not how my life was supposed to turn out.
17:16I'm like, I did everything, you know, growing up just to make sure that this moment didn't happen.
17:22It kind of was like a reality check.
17:24Like, and it made me really look at Teddy, like, okay, is this, is it you?
17:30Like, are you the reason why these bad things are happening to me?
17:32I've never had this happen before.
17:34The only thing I was worried about was how disappointed my parents were going to be.
17:40That next day, um, my parents were supposed to be driving to come to this, like, really big, like, honors award ceremony at ECU.
17:55Like, you guys are supposed to be picking me up to go to this ceremony, and instead, you're picking me up from the county jail.
18:03It really put things, I think, into perspective for me at that point.
18:10I was definitely ashamed.
18:12Um, I was embarrassed.
18:14My dad blamed Teddy for the arrest because I never had a history of getting into trouble or really just doing anything wrong.
18:25He felt like, had I not been with Teddy, my life would have been taking a different turn at that point.
18:32I saw something in him that I wanted him to see in himself, um, and instead of me changing him into that person that I thought he could become,
18:41it's like he slowly started changing me into the person that he wanted me to be and the person, really, that he was.
18:48Teddy ended up getting six months, um, that he had to serve in jail, um, and I got about 18 months of probation.
19:06Honestly, once he went to jail, I moved back with my parents.
19:11So, my dad, he definitely was just supportive, you know, no matter what.
19:18At the same time that he's, like, you know, consoling me, like, giving me a hug, like, oh, it's okay, he's also telling me, like, okay, it's okay, but you need to figure out what you're gonna do.
19:28Um, so it was like, you know, I'm like, okay, now I need to figure out the next step.
19:34Kind of saw how life could be, um, without Teddy, and it was actually a lot better.
19:39So I just saw a lot of positive changes, and, um, as soon as he got back out, everything just went back downhill again.
19:47So, this is when we went out one of those times to the country.
20:13I mean, I didn't really think anything of it at that time, but after putting it into perspective, it's like, what were you practicing for?
20:23He always made sure he had a gun from the time that we first started dating.
20:29He was actually very insecure, probably the most insecure person I've ever met.
20:37He did like to come off as, like, the tough guy.
20:41I think that he thought that that made him look like a, like, macho man or, like, the cool dude, and the guns didn't make me nervous until close to the end.
20:52Right after that time, after Teddy got out of jail, we were starting to argue here and there.
21:11Um, all the negative things were really starting to kind of show themselves more.
21:15We got him to an argument, probably, again, something minor.
21:21He tried to push my head into the trash can.
21:25It was just bleeding as soon as he did it, and instead of him, you know, are you okay, or get me a towel, or anything, he went to the room and, like, started packing his stuff and panicking.
21:43And meanwhile, I'm just, you know, sitting on the floor bleeding.
21:45He was more concerned with himself getting in trouble than the fact that he just gashed my head open.
22:02This photo is probably a day or two after the day that Teddy bashed my head into the kitchen counter.
22:10So that's the scar, and I had to get, like, five stitches.
22:15It wasn't, like, a direct, like, don't tell anybody.
22:20It was more so, like, him putting it into the scenario of, well, if you tell somebody, I'm going to go to jail, I'm going to get in trouble.
22:28He knows how much I care, so instead of him saying, oh, don't tell on me because this or that, he's making me feel like I would be the one holding him back if I told on him.
22:39It's like he was playing this mind game because he knew I wanted the best for him.
22:44You know, he was a master manipulator.
22:47So when my mom asked what happened to my forehead, I actually told her that I slipped on a rug in the kitchen, and I fell, and I hit my head, and that was kind of the story.
23:01She didn't believe it because she knows that I was an athlete my whole life, and I never really had clumsy spells where I just tripped or fell.
23:10So it just solidified exactly what I already said in my head, that this will never work.
23:17I have to find a way out.
23:18Like, the main kind of argument when it's a domestic violence relationship is, oh, why didn't you just leave?
23:32And it's just, it's really not that easy.
23:34You can literally just take your feet and walk away, but who's to say that once you do that, that that person's actually going to leave you alone?
23:41But you never know what might be around that corner.
23:46I had this gut feeling that the day you try to leave him, he's going to find a way to hurt you even worse.
23:54And he's going to knock on my mom's door, and then he's going to shoot my mom, and then he's going to knock on my sister's door and shoot her and all my nieces and nephews and my other sister.
24:03That was literally what played out in my head of what would happen if I left him.
24:10So I'm just like, to avoid all that, I'll just stay and deal with whatever it is that he may do, because that's better than what I in my gut feel like the outcome is going to be.
24:33After that incident, my parents really noticed what all had been going on.
24:44So at that point, that's when, you know, my dad was like, no, he's, he can't, you know, he can't do this.
24:50And I want to, you know, go forward with pressing charges, but I didn't want to leave him.
24:57But there was nothing that my dad could actually do.
25:00And so he did try, but me being of age, you can't really, you know, call for somebody else.
25:07So it was just kind of like he, he felt helpless.
25:17So one day we were at the townhouse.
25:21Somebody knocked on our door.
25:24The police officer came to me and Teddy's townhouse.
25:28Teddy was like, why, why is the police here?
25:33He was very paranoid.
25:35And I kind of went into like a panic because Teddy, mind you, is right there with both of his guns.
25:45Like he always does when he doesn't know who somebody is that comes to the house.
25:48He has both of his guns in his hand.
25:50And I walked out the door and the cop, he has no idea.
25:54Hi, ma'am.
25:56And I'm just panicking, kind of trying to figure out how to get rid of the cop without telling him that Teddy is standing behind the door with a gun.
26:06Well, you know, your dad wanted me to come and check on you.
26:10So I was like, uh-huh.
26:11I'm like, yes, I'm fine.
26:12I'm fine.
26:13Everything's fine.
26:14And then he kind of, I think he could kind of feel that I was trying to be short and rush the conversation.
26:21In that moment, when I was talking to the cop, I was convinced that Teddy would shoot him right then and there and not care at all.
26:30Just, just to, just to save himself.
26:35I just kept assuring him everything's okay.
26:38Okay.
26:40You know, eventually he ended up leaving.
26:42I just knew it couldn't last, but so much longer.
26:48After five years of lying to people about what you've been doing and all these things, and it seems like everything is trying to come to light, I felt like.
26:58I'm like, okay, my parents know.
26:59I'm like, okay, the police came by.
27:01So I'm like, okay, maybe this is the time where I need to finally figure out how to leave him alone.
27:08But it was, it was just no more rope left at that point.
27:12Oh, this is Fat Boy.
27:26This is our puppy that we got.
27:29And yeah, I love Fat Boy.
27:31He was cool.
27:33He was a really good dog.
27:34He didn't, he didn't really do much.
27:38But I was like, okay, you're just, that's just you.
27:41I'm like, that's your personality.
27:43I'm like, you like it?
27:44I love it.
27:46When we went and got the dog, you know, it was Teddy's idea.
27:49He was in love.
27:50I was in love.
27:51But as time faded, a couple months went by and he just started to treat Fat Boy different.
27:59He wouldn't feed him.
28:02He would actually beat the dog.
28:05He, you know, eventually ended up killing him.
28:14After probably 30 minutes or so, after I saw Fat Boy, I cried.
28:18I went upstairs and cried first.
28:20I didn't want to watch him bury Fat Boy.
28:22So I ended up just leaving the house for the day.
28:24So I didn't have to watch that.
28:26And when I got back, he just acted like nothing happened.
28:32Like everything was normal and just go on about life.
28:35So he saw that I had something else that I cared about and it wasn't him.
28:43And he got jealous, you know, even though it's a dog, he got jealous of the dog.
28:49And it made me a lot more fearful of him and the things that he would be capable of.
28:55I used to watch a lot of crime stuff.
28:57And they always said that, you know, people that have these real issues, they start off with animals.
29:06That stuck in my head that he was kind of on a pathway to more than an animal.
29:13And it did scare me.
29:14I looked at him completely different.
29:19I think that the thing that I asked for the most was to just be able to safely get away from him and my family also.
29:43And I could never see a way, no matter how many different scenarios I would put together in my head.
29:51No matter how many different ways I would think of how to possibly leave him.
29:56It always ended with him hurting somebody that I cared about.
30:02I was more okay with something happening to me than something happening to my family.
30:09I didn't want the person that I brought into their life to hurt them.
30:14So, right around the beginning of 2020, after everything happened with Fat Boy, me and Teddy broke up.
30:28So, there was one time me and Teddy were actually arguing and he again choked me.
30:44To the point where I had, you know, bruises around my neck from his hands and then my face was purple and blue blotchy.
30:54And then he takes the broomstick and starts beating me with the broom.
31:07After that, I got up and I started packing my stuff.
31:10You get your ass up here!
31:12He screamed at me to come upstairs.
31:15And something just went off in my head, like, don't go upstairs.
31:19I don't know why, I'm just like, no.
31:21I'm like, I'm not, I'm not coming upstairs.
31:23Dreamer!
31:25I'm like, okay, yeah, he's about to get his gun and he's about to come down here and kill me.
31:30This is what I was thinking and the only way I thought I was going to make it out of the house
31:34is just by turning around, going out the front door and making a run for it.
31:38Where are you?
31:39It was just this overwhelming feeling.
31:42Just don't talk to him, don't say anything, just run.
31:46And that's what I did.
31:49Dreamer!
31:49When I finally make it out of the house, I've made it far enough out of his eyesight
31:54to where I can now call somebody to come and pick me up and I can get away from him.
32:03Dreamer!
32:04Dream!
32:04A little bit of time goes by, I call my dad.
32:10I tell him, you know, what happened.
32:13And he said, immediately, he's like, I'm on the way, where are you at?
32:17I started to hear Teddy's car.
32:21I would just kind of try to duck or move to the side or see if I could see him
32:25and position myself to where he can't see me.
32:35So I did hide all the way until, you know, my dad made it to me.
32:42I get in the car.
32:44We pull off.
32:46He was just here.
32:47We gotta go.
32:48We probably didn't make it, like, 500 feet.
32:54We make a right and Teddy is coming.
32:57That's him!
32:58Ah!
33:00Teddy literally swerves into our lane head-on.
33:04So we hit each other head-on.
33:06And I'm looking at him in this moment when our cars are just literally touching like this.
33:11And I look at him and I say, what the are you doing?
33:17Stop.
33:19He didn't stop.
33:23And in that moment, I saw him pop his trunk and I told my dad he has a gun.
33:28Um.
33:31Whew.
33:41Teddy had already got out of his car with his rifle, knowing what he was about to do.
33:50I did get out of the car to try to run and stop him, but I couldn't make it to him fast enough.
33:58And he shot my dad.
34:00And, um, at that point, when I did run around the car, um, towards Teddy, he actually stopped shooting at my dad for a second and pointed at me.
34:24And I looked at him and he didn't shoot me.
34:27He just went back to shooting at my dad.
34:30By the time I got to him, I grabbed it, um, and I, it's like he, like he just kind of snapped out of it.
34:44I didn't really think about it.
34:46You know, it was, my first instinct was just, save my dad.
34:53Dad?
34:55Dad?
34:56Dad, you want to stay with me?
34:58At that point, I'm thinking that, you know, there's still some chance that he, he would be alive.
35:05I love you.
35:07Dad?
35:09I did actually hear my dad take his last breath.
35:11I told him I loved him, and that's when I, I heard, like, the last sound, like he was trying to say it back, but he couldn't.
35:22I was just screaming at the top of my lungs.
35:30I was just in shock.
35:31I didn't really understand what had just happened.
35:34And Teddy, he asked me if I would take $100,000 to, to, to tell the police that he was protecting himself against my dad.
35:47The audacity you must have to say something like that to somebody after what you just did leads me to believe even more just how evil he is.
36:03Because how, how could you do that to somebody and then turn around and, and make it seem like money could fix that?
36:09I could only think about one thing at that point, and that was the fact that my dad was sitting there lifeless because of him.
36:23I've been trying to make it make sense, and no matter what I come up with or why he did it, it just, it doesn't make sense.
36:37And if you want it to hurt me, why didn't you shoot me too?
36:53So this is Teddy, four years after being arrested.
37:06He just, the nothingness, the soullessness is still there.
37:11I know for a fact he's not coping well in prison.
37:15I've actually spoken to people that have seen him in prison, and he's not doing good.
37:23I'm not afraid of what's going to happen when he gets out of prison in 35 years, but he should be afraid of what's going to happen when he gets out of prison.
37:30This is me and my dad when I was probably, I was probably in like fifth grade.
37:53He went out to D.C., we would just go random places sometimes, like without really anything to do or any plan.
38:01Yeah, he was, he was a very caring person, just in general.
38:07And I guess maybe that's where I get it from.
38:09My dad did everything he could to protect me, my sisters, my mom.
38:16He, if he was given the opportunity to know what the outcome would be, he would do it again.
38:21You know, he was just, he was fearless.
38:24So this is my dad.
38:43We got him cremated.
38:45This was his wishes.
38:46You know, he always said that he didn't want to be buried in the ground.
38:50So, um, I'm sorry.
39:04Um, he always said he didn't want to be in the ground.
39:07And he was always that person that liked to be different places and, you know, moving around and stuff.
39:15So we, uh, we promised him that one day we would get his ashes spread all over the world.
39:22And, and we, you know, piece by piece, we've been doing that.
39:27Um, so that's, that's what we did.
39:30And just like with our necklaces, um, like right now he's in, he's in Texas.
39:37He's in Georgia, he's in North Carolina, he's, he's everywhere right now.
39:41So, I think he's somewhere sitting, watching me right now.
39:46So, um, so this is another little urn, um, so we put some of his ashes in here.
40:03So if we just want to, you know, take him with us, if we go somewhere that can't take, you know, all of them, um, we can always take our little, our little urn.
40:13So we always have him with us.
40:19Yeah, definitely my, my guardian angel now.
40:24I just feel that he's always with me.
40:27Like, it just gives me motivation to, to do things I probably wouldn't have done.
40:32And I know that that's, that's him.
40:35I do still talk to my dad all the time.
40:38Whenever something, I have like a good accomplishment, I'll like, like, dad, guess what?
40:44Like, this just happened.
40:45Or if I'm really, probably especially when I'm sad, you know, I'll, I'll definitely always make sure I say something to him.
40:54Even when I'm just feeling okay, I'll just sometimes just talk to him.
40:57I know he's, he's listening.
40:59This is Teresa.
41:15She looks scary.
41:18This woman had no emotion for me, her child.
41:22She was ripping my innocence away from me and using it against me.
41:26If my own mother couldn't love me, then who could?
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