- gestern
Kategorie
✨
MenschenTranskript
00:00:00Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:00:30Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:01:00Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:01:29Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:01:59Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:02:29Kamera test.
00:02:59Kamera test.
00:03:29Kamera test.
00:03:59Kamera test.
00:04:29The people rising in the streets, the war, the drought.
00:04:38The more I look, the more I see nothing to joke about.
00:04:43Is comedy over?
00:04:45Should I leave you alone?
00:04:47Cause really who's gonna go for it?
00:04:49Joking at a time like this.
00:04:51Should I be joking at a time like this?
00:04:55I wanna help to leave this world better than I found it.
00:05:01And I fear that comedy won't help and the fear is not unfounded.
00:05:09Should I stop trying to be funny?
00:05:11Should I give away my money?
00:05:15No.
00:05:17What do I do?
00:05:21I do.
00:05:27Healing the world with comedy.
00:05:33The indescribable power of your comedy.
00:05:39The world needs direction.
00:05:43From a white guy like me.
00:05:45Bingo.
00:05:47Who is healing the world with comedy.
00:05:55The world is so fucked up.
00:05:57The world is so fucked up.
00:06:01Systematic oppression.
00:06:03Income inequality.
00:06:05The other stuff.
00:06:07And there's only one thing that I can do about it.
00:06:11While being paid and being the center of attention.
00:06:17Healing the world with comedy.
00:06:22Making a literal difference metaphorically.
00:06:27A Jew walks into a bar and I've saved him a seat.
00:06:33That's sealing the world with comedy.
00:06:38I'm a special kind of white guy.
00:06:40I self reflected and I wanna be an agent of change.
00:06:43So I am gonna use my privilege for the good.
00:06:47Very cool way to go.
00:06:49American white guys.
00:06:51We've had the floor for at least 400 years.
00:06:54So maybe I should just shut the fuck up.
00:07:03I'm bored.
00:07:05I don't wanna do that.
00:07:07There's gotta be another way.
00:07:10For me to help out without standing on the sidelines.
00:07:15The wait is over.
00:07:17I'm white and I'm here to save the day.
00:07:20Lord help me channel Sandra Bullock in the blindside.
00:07:25Sandra Bullock!
00:07:27Healing the world with comedy.
00:07:31Making a literal difference metaphorically.
00:07:37And yes most likely they'll pay me.
00:07:40But I do it for free.
00:07:42I am healing the world with comedy.
00:07:46If you wake up in a house that's full of smoke.
00:07:52Don't panic.
00:07:53Call me and I'll tell you a joke.
00:07:55If you see white men dressed in white cloaks.
00:07:57Don't panic.
00:07:58Call me and I'll tell you a joke.
00:08:00Oh shit.
00:08:02Should I be choking at a time like this?
00:08:06If you start to smell burning toast.
00:08:09You're having a stroke or over cooking your toast.
00:08:12If you wake up in a house that's full of smoke.
00:08:14Don't panic.
00:08:15Call me and I'll tell you a joke.
00:08:17If you see white men dressed in white cloaks.
00:08:20Don't panic.
00:08:21Call me and I'll tell you a joke.
00:08:23Oh shit.
00:08:25Should I be joking at a time like this?
00:08:28Somebody help me out.
00:08:30Cause I don't know.
00:08:33And I wanna help to leave this world better than I found it.
00:08:39And I fear that comedy won't help.
00:08:42And the fear is not unfounded.
00:08:45Should I stop trying to be funny?
00:08:47Should I give away my money?
00:08:50No.
00:08:54I know what I gotta do.
00:08:58Healing the world with comedy.
00:09:02Making a literal difference metaphorically.
00:09:07I swore I'd never be back.
00:09:10And now I'm back on my feet.
00:09:13And I'm healing the world with comedy.
00:09:32Hi.
00:09:37Welcome to whatever this is.
00:09:42I've been working for the last couple months.
00:09:45Testing this camera and testing lights and writing.
00:09:50And I've decided to try to make a new special for real.
00:09:56Um, it's not gonna be a normal special because there's no audience and there's no crew.
00:10:02It's just, uh, me and my camera.
00:10:05And you and your screen.
00:10:07Uh, the way that, that, that our Lord intended.
00:10:11Um, and the whole special will be, will be filmed in this, uh, room.
00:10:17And instead of being filmed in a single night, it will be filmed in, uh, however long it takes to finish.
00:10:28I hope you, uh, enjoy it.
00:10:31I, I hope this special can maybe do for you what it's done for me these last couple months.
00:10:37Which is, uh, to distract me from wanting to put a bullet into my head with a gun.
00:10:45So, yeah, thank you.
00:10:49And, and a warning, um, I can already sort of tell that the special is going to be a little all over the place.
00:10:57So don't expect incredibly smooth transition.
00:11:02I'll see you next time.
00:11:31Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:12:01Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:12:31Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:13:01Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:13:31Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:14:01Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:14:31Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:01Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:03Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:05Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:07Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:09Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:11Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:13Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:15Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:17Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:19Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:21Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:23Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:25Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:27Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:29Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:31Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:33Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:35Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:37Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:39Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:41Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:43Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:15:45I don't know about that, Sokko.
00:15:47How about you give it a try?
00:15:50Alright.
00:15:51The simple narrative taught in every history class
00:15:55is demonstrably false and pedagogically classist.
00:15:59Don't you know the world is built with blood
00:16:03and genocide and exploitation?
00:16:06The global network of capital essentially functions
00:16:10to separate the worker from the means of production
00:16:14and the FBI killed Martin Luther King.
00:16:17Private property is inherently theft
00:16:20and neoliberal fascists are destroying the left
00:16:24and every politician, every cop on the street
00:16:27protects the interests of the pedophilic corporate elite.
00:16:32That is how the world works.
00:16:35Really?
00:16:36That is how the world works.
00:16:39Genocide the natives say you got to it first.
00:16:42That's how it works.
00:16:47That's pretty intense.
00:16:49No shit.
00:16:51What can I do to help?
00:16:53Read a book or something, I don't know.
00:16:56Just don't burden me with the responsibility of educating you.
00:16:59It's incredibly exhausting.
00:17:01I'm sorry, Sokko.
00:17:02I was just trying to become a better person.
00:17:05Why do you rich fucking white people
00:17:08insist on seeing every sociopolitical conflict
00:17:11through the myopic lens of your own self-actualization?
00:17:15This isn't about you.
00:17:17So either get with it or get out of the fucking way.
00:17:20Watch your mouth, buddy.
00:17:21Remember who's on whose hand here.
00:17:24But that's what I've...
00:17:25Have you not been fucking listening?
00:17:27We are in your range.
00:17:28Wait, wait, wait.
00:17:29No, please.
00:17:30I don't want to go back.
00:17:32I can't go.
00:17:33I can't go back.
00:17:34Please.
00:17:35Please.
00:17:36I'm sorry.
00:17:38Are you going to behave yourself?
00:17:41Yes.
00:17:43Yes.
00:17:45What?
00:17:48Yes, sir.
00:17:49Look at me.
00:17:52Yes, sir.
00:17:54That's better.
00:17:57That is how the world works.
00:18:01That is how the world works.
00:18:04I hope you learned your lesson.
00:18:06I did it.
00:18:06It hurt.
00:18:08That's how
00:18:09it works.
00:18:17No.
00:18:18No.
00:18:24Hello, my name is Bo Burnham, and I am a former comedian turned social brand consultant.
00:18:37It's a very exciting time to be a brand.
00:18:40It's also a bit of a scary time because customers expect a lot more from their brands than they
00:18:47did in the past.
00:18:47During this incredibly necessary and overdue social reckoning that we're having in our
00:18:54culture, it is no longer acceptable for brands to stay out of the conversation.
00:18:59Consumers want to know, are you willing to use your brand awareness to affect positive
00:19:04social change, which will create more brand awareness?
00:19:08The question I ask the brands I work with is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is,
00:19:13is, is, is, is, are you going to be on the right side of history?
00:19:16The question isn't what are you selling or, or what service are you providing?
00:19:21The question is, what do you stand for?
00:19:25Who are you?
00:19:27Bagel Bites.
00:19:29All these big companies, they're so scared of all this social change.
00:19:32And I come in and I, and I put their fears to rest.
00:19:34You know, I tell them, just be honest, tell your customers that, that JP Morgan is against
00:19:40racism in theory.
00:19:42The question is no longer, do you want to buy wheat thins, for example?
00:19:48The question is now, will you support wheat thins in the fight against Lyme disease?
00:19:55There's no sugarcoating it.
00:19:57The world is fucked up.
00:20:04And you've got a choice as a brand.
00:20:06You can hide and bury your head in the sand and hope it fixes itself.
00:20:12Or you can roll up your sleeves and get to work.
00:20:19And sell Butterfingers.
00:20:20An open window
00:20:34A novel
00:20:37A couple holding hands
00:20:41An avocado
00:20:46A poem
00:20:49Written in the sand
00:20:56Fresh fallen snow
00:20:58On the ground
00:21:00A golden retriever
00:21:01In a flower crown
00:21:03Is this heaven?
00:21:08Or is it just a
00:21:09White woman
00:21:11A white woman's Instagram
00:21:14White woman
00:21:17A white woman's Instagram
00:21:21White woman
00:21:24A white woman's Instagram
00:21:27White woman
00:21:30A white woman's Instagram
00:21:34Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:22:04Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:22:34Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:23:04Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:23:34Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:24:04Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:24:34Hier ist eine Frage für Sie, um, ist es, ist es, ist es necessary,
00:25:01ist es, ist es, ist es, dass jeder Person auf diesem Planet,
00:25:07um, expresses every single opinion that they have,
00:25:13um, every single thing that occurs all at the same time?
00:25:18Is that, is that necessary?
00:25:22Um, or to ask it a slightly different way, um,
00:25:26um, can, can anyone shut the fuck up?
00:25:33Can, can anyone, any, any, any one, any single one,
00:25:40can anyone shut the fuck up about anything,
00:25:46about any, any single thing?
00:25:48Can any single person shut the fuck up about any single thing for an hour?
00:25:57You know, is that, is that possible?
00:26:04And I know you're thinking, you're not shutting the fuck up right now,
00:26:07and that's true, but...
00:26:10Who needs a coffee cause I'm doing a run?
00:26:13I'm writing down the orders now for everyone.
00:26:16The coffee is free, just like me, I'm an unpaid intern.
00:26:22Sorting papers, running around, sitting in the meeting room,
00:26:26not making a sound, barely people, somehow legal, unpaid intern.
00:26:33You work all day, go back to your dorm, and since you can't afford a mortgage,
00:26:37you're just torn up porn, cause you're an intern.
00:26:40Unpaid.
00:26:41What it up, what, what up?
00:26:43Hey everybody.
00:26:44Um, I thought I'd do a reaction video to the song that you just saw me perform.
00:26:49Thought that might be fun.
00:26:50Um, so I got my laptop all set up, song ready to go, and let's go.
00:26:56Who needs a coffee cause I'm doing a run?
00:26:59I'm writing down the orders now for everyone.
00:27:02Um, so the idea with this song was basically that there are so many songs in the past
00:27:07about working class jobs, but not a lot about the labor exploitation of the modern world.
00:27:12So that was the idea here.
00:27:16My beard is a little shorter in this video, because I filmed it a couple weeks ago.
00:27:20You work all day, go back to your dorm, and since you can't afford a mortgage,
00:27:23you just torn up porn, cause you're an intern.
00:27:24I think it holds up.
00:27:25The song, not the beard.
00:27:26Unpaid.
00:27:27What it up, what, what up?
00:27:29And then you cut.
00:27:30I think it's funny to cut right on.
00:27:31I thought I'd do a reaction video to the song that you just saw me perform.
00:27:35Thought that might be fun.
00:27:36What?
00:27:37Um, so I got my...
00:27:38Because this video played after that, right.
00:27:41So, and now...
00:27:42Right.
00:27:43Okay, so I'll just, I'll keep reacting.
00:27:45This is me reacting to the song.
00:27:48Um, so the idea of this song was basically that...
00:27:50What I'm doing is I'm explaining what the song means.
00:27:53About working class jobs, but not a lot.
00:27:54And what it's about.
00:27:55I'm being a little pretentious.
00:27:56It's, uh, it's an instinct I have where I need everything that I write to have some deeper
00:28:01meaning or something.
00:28:02But it's a stupid song.
00:28:03And, uh, it doesn't really mean anything.
00:28:05And, um, it's, it's pretty unlikable that I, that I feel this need, this desperate need
00:28:10to be seen as, uh, intelligent.
00:28:13And the video's ending here, as you can see.
00:28:15Hey, everybody.
00:28:16It's funny to cut right on.
00:28:17Look, I'm very confused.
00:28:18See, I'm very, very confused.
00:28:19Because I'm staring at myself.
00:28:20I don't know what I'm looking at.
00:28:21And I'm starting to catch up.
00:28:23Now I'm realizing what's going on.
00:28:26And, uh, yeah, now I'm deciding to react to the reaction to the video.
00:28:31So here, um, I'm reacting to the, to my own reacting.
00:28:36And I'm, uh, criticizing my, my initial reaction for, for being pretentious.
00:28:40Which is, which is honestly, it's a, it's a defense mechanism.
00:28:43Is I am, I'm so worried that that criticism will be led against me that I levied against
00:28:48myself before anyone else can.
00:28:49And I think that, oh, if I'm self-aware about being a douchebag, it, it, it, it'll somehow
00:28:54make me less of a douchebag.
00:28:55But it, but it doesn't.
00:28:56Um, self-awareness does not absolve anybody of, of anything.
00:28:59Am I balding?
00:29:00Hey, everybody.
00:29:01This is really, really disturbing.
00:29:02I don't like looking at myself like this.
00:29:04And I want, I want this to stop.
00:29:06Okay.
00:29:07I want this to stop.
00:29:08I'm, I'm stopping this.
00:29:09I'm, so yeah, that was, uh, my reaction to the song and I hope you enjoyed it.
00:29:23CEO, entrepreneur, born in 1964, Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos.
00:29:31CEO, entrepreneur, born in 1964, Jeffrey, Jeffrey Bezos.
00:29:40Come on, Jeffrey.
00:29:41You can do it.
00:29:42Pave the way.
00:29:43Put your back into it.
00:29:44Tell us why.
00:29:45Show us how.
00:29:46Look at where you came from.
00:29:47Look at you now.
00:29:48Zuckerberg and gates and puppet.
00:29:50Amateurs can fucking suck it.
00:29:52Fuck their wives.
00:29:53Drink their blood.
00:29:54Come on, Jeff.
00:29:55Get them.
00:29:56Get them.
00:30:11I don't know about you guys, but, um, you know, I've been thinking recently that, you know,
00:30:18maybe, um, allowing giant digital media corporations to exploit the neurochemical drama of our children for profit.
00:30:31You know, maybe that was, uh, a bad call by us.
00:30:39Maybe, maybe the, the flattening of the entire subjective human experience into a lifeless exchange of value that benefits nobody.
00:30:56Except for, um, you know, a handful of bug-eyed salamanders in Silicon Valley.
00:31:05Maybe that, as a, as a way of life forever, maybe that's, um, not good.
00:31:21But, um, I'm horny.
00:31:31Sex team.
00:31:34It isn't sex, it's the nextest thing.
00:31:38Sex team.
00:31:42A, A, AT&T.
00:31:46I am in bed.
00:31:47I am ready to go with you.
00:31:50Tonight I'm faking and taking it slow, Phil Goose.
00:31:54Emojis only.
00:31:55We don't need phonetical diction.
00:31:59We'll talk dirty like we're ancient Egyptians.
00:32:03You send me a peach.
00:32:05I send a carrot back.
00:32:07You send a ferris wheel.
00:32:09That's pretty abstract.
00:32:11I send back a ticket stub implying that the ferris wheel's your body and I'd really love admission to it.
00:32:18Oh, no.
00:32:20What if now you think that I'm implying your vagina is as big as a ferris wheel?
00:32:26Damn.
00:32:27You send back a snowman.
00:32:31Crisis averted.
00:32:33Thank God.
00:32:34Sex team.
00:32:38It isn't sex, it's the nextest, nextest.
00:32:42Sex team.
00:32:46A, A, AT&T.
00:32:50No more emojis, now it's onto words.
00:32:53High as what you're wearing, you reply a shirt.
00:32:57You say, are you naked?
00:32:59I say, yeah, except for a top hat.
00:33:02You say in the mail, but I doubt that.
00:33:05I'm getting hot at just the thought of what I do to you.
00:33:09Cause in my head I'm in your bed and getting through to you.
00:33:13They made the internet for nights like these.
00:33:17I love you baby, send a picture of your tits please.
00:33:21Sex team.
00:33:24Whoa, it isn't sex, it's the nextest, nextest.
00:33:30Sex team.
00:33:34We are sex team.
00:33:37A, AT&T.
00:33:38You set the pick and say it's now my turn.
00:33:41Jesus fucking Christ, I guess I never learned.
00:33:45Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:34:15Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:34:45Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:35:15Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:35:45Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:36:15Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:36:17Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:36:19Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:36:21Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:36:23Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:36:25Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:36:27Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:36:29Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:36:31Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:36:33Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:36:35Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:36:37Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:36:39Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:36:41Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:36:43Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:36:45Well, well, look who's inside again. Went out to look for a reason to hide again. Well, well, buddy, you found it. Now come out with your hands up, we've got you surrounded.
00:37:15One more.
00:37:45One more.
00:38:16I grew up as your usual suburbanite. A tiny town in Massachusetts, overwhelmingly white. I went to church on Sundays in a suit and a tie. And spent my free time watching Family Guy.
00:38:29I started doing comedy when I was just a sheltered kid. I wrote offensive shit and I said it. Father, please forgive me for I did not realize what I did. Or that I'd live to regret it.
00:38:42Times are changing and I'm getting old. Are you gonna hold me accountable? My bed is empty and I'm getting cold. Isn't anybody gonna hold me accountable?
00:38:55Oh, I'm problematic. He's a problem. When I was 17 on Halloween, I dressed up as Aladdin. He's a problem.
00:39:07I did not darken my skin, but still it feels weird in hindsight.
00:39:11I want to show you how I'm growing as a person. But first, I feel I must address the lyrics from the previous verse.
00:39:29I tried to hide behind my childhood and that's not okay. My actions are my own. I won't explain them away.
00:39:36I've done a lot of self-reflecting since I started singing this song. I was totally wrong when I said it.
00:39:42Father, please forgive me for I did not realize what I did. Or that I'd live to regret it.
00:39:49Times are changing and I'm getting old. Are you gonna hold me accountable? My bed is empty and I'm getting cold. Isn't anybody gonna hold me accountable?
00:40:02I'm problematic. He's a problem. I just remembered that Aladdin costume's in my mother's attic. He's a problem.
00:40:14I'm gonna go home and burn it. Or not burn it. Is burning it bad? What should I do with it?
00:40:19And I've been totally awful. My closet is chock full of stuff that is vaguely shitty.
00:40:26All of it was perfectly lawful. Just not very thoughtful at all. And just really shitty.
00:40:32And I've been totally awful. My closet is chock full of stuff that is vaguely shitty.
00:40:38Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:41:08Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:41:38Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:42:08Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:42:10Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:42:15Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:42:17Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:42:19Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:42:21Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:42:23Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:42:25Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:42:27Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:42:29Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:42:31Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020
00:42:33Still in this fucking room working on this thing alone, that just seemed, I just, I just wanted to avoid that.
00:42:47So, and you might be thinking, well, that's fine.
00:42:51You know, look at you, you radiate such youth.
00:42:56You must not be turning 30 for years.
00:42:59And that's very nice of you to say, but the truth is, I turn 30 in less than a minute.
00:43:12So I'm just going to sit here and enjoy my 20s and then get back to work.
00:43:29So I'm just going to sit here and enjoy my 20s and then get back to work.
00:43:59I used to run for miles, I used to ride my bike, I used to wake up with a smile and go to bed at night with a dream.
00:44:15I used to be the young one, got used to meeting people who weren't used to meeting someone who was born in 1990, no way.
00:44:31Yeah, I was born in 1990.
00:44:34Now I'm turning 30.
00:44:37God, God damn it.
00:44:39I'm turning 30.
00:44:43When he was 27, my granddad fought in Vietnam.
00:45:00When I was 27, I built a birdhouse with my mom.
00:45:04Oh, fuck.
00:45:07Oh, how am I 30?
00:45:11I used to make fun of the boomers.
00:45:14In retrospect, a bit too much.
00:45:17Now all these fucking zoomers are telling me that I'm out of touch.
00:45:21Oh, yeah?
00:45:21Well, your fucking phones are poisoning your minds, okay?
00:45:24So when you develop a disassociate of mental disorder in your late 20s, don't come crawling back to me.
00:45:29I'm turning 30.
00:45:41I'm turning 30.
00:45:45And now my stupid friends are having stupid children.
00:45:49My stupid friends are having stupid children.
00:45:54My stupid friends are having stupid children.
00:45:57And now my stupid friends are having stupid children.
00:46:06My stupid friends are having stupid children.
00:46:11My stupid friends are having stupid children.
00:46:15Stupid, fucking, ugly, boring children.
00:46:19It's 2020 and I'm 30.
00:46:21I'll do another 10.
00:46:23In 2030, I'll be 40 and kill myself then.
00:46:38Okay.
00:46:41Check that one.
00:46:44I'll do one more.
00:46:45I just want to say for the record that I do not want to kill myself, okay?
00:46:53I don't want to kill myself and I'm not going to kill myself.
00:46:57And if you're out there and you're struggling with, you know, suicidal thoughts and you want to kill yourself,
00:47:02I just want to kill myself, I just want to tell you, don't, okay?
00:47:07Can you not, please?
00:47:10Just don't, all right?
00:47:12Fucking quit it with the...
00:47:15But really, don't kill yourself.
00:47:17You don't want to.
00:47:18Because there are people that love you.
00:47:25That's not true, necessarily.
00:47:27But there could be people that love you in the future.
00:47:29And just don't.
00:47:30I've had people close to me kill themselves.
00:47:32And I'll be honest with you, didn't love it.
00:47:36Didn't love that.
00:47:37So just don't.
00:47:38But if I could kill myself for a year, if I could, I'd do it today.
00:47:45If I could kill myself today and be dead until like 18 months from now, I would do it.
00:47:52But, alas, when you kill yourself, you're dead forever.
00:47:57And we shouldn't be dead forever yet.
00:48:01So let's not, right?
00:48:04Come on, guys.
00:48:08Come on, guys.
00:48:38Come on, guys.
00:49:08Let's get into it.
00:49:09Let's go.
00:49:10Let's go.
00:49:11Let's go.
00:49:13Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:49:43Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:50:13Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:50:43Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:50:45Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:51:17Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:51:19Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:51:21Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:51:23Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:51:25Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:51:27Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:51:29Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:51:31Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:51:33Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:51:35Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:51:37Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:51:39Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:51:41Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:51:43Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
00:51:45So you're in this like 2D setup, right?
00:51:48Like I can't control the camera
00:51:54I'll give it a, I guess I'll cry again
00:51:57So is the dude big or is the room small?
00:52:00That's what I'm confused about
00:52:02Chat saying try the door, yeah, well okay
00:52:04I mean, I don't think it's gonna be that simple, but I will
00:52:09Yeah, there you go
00:52:12Okay, well I think I'd probably cry again
00:52:14It's tough, dude
00:52:16It's tough, he's been in here a while
00:52:19See I don't like that, I don't know why they feel the need to give the hint so quick
00:52:23I just wish they'd let me, let me explore a little bit
00:52:28I'm holding the flashlight like a, like a cop, why is he doing that?
00:52:38Alright, okay
00:52:39Okay, so
00:52:43Alright
00:52:47Okay, he seems a little happier now, that's nice
00:52:51I don't know, I'll cry I guess again
00:52:53Okay, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be
00:53:00Oh, nice
00:53:02Okay, yeah
00:53:06Yeah, great
00:53:08Alright, I'm into this
00:53:09I'm into this
00:53:10Yeah, it's giving me sort of like Death Stranding vibes, you know
00:53:14Because it's like, it's fucking boring
00:53:17But that's like the point, I think
00:53:19Dante, thank you for the four months, appreciate it
00:53:23Thank you for the four months, appreciate it
00:53:53How are we feeling out there tonight?
00:54:06How are we feeling out there tonight?
00:54:20Yeah, I am not feeling good
00:54:24Wake up at 11.30, feeling like a bag of shit
00:54:27Oh no
00:54:28All my clothes are dirty, so I'm smelling like a bag of shit
00:54:32Go to pour my coffee and I miss my cup
00:54:34OMG, that is just my luck
00:54:36Look in the mirror, say what's up, you useless fuck
00:54:40Are you feeling what I'm feeling?
00:54:42I haven't had a shower in the last nine days
00:54:46Staring at the ceiling and waiting for this feeling to go away
00:54:53But it won't go away
00:54:56I'm not really feeling like I wanna get lit
00:54:58Tell us how you're feeling
00:54:59Well, I feel like shit
00:55:01Oh, shit
00:55:02Feeling like a saggy, massive sack of shit
00:55:05Oh, shit
00:55:06Big ol' motherfucking duffle bag of shit
00:55:09Oh, shit
00:55:10All day, all shit
00:55:12I'm not really feeling like I wanna get lit
00:55:14Tell us how you're feeling
00:55:15I'm feeling like shit
00:55:16Ladies, do you feel like shit?
00:55:18Tell me, do you feel like shit?
00:55:19Oh, yeah
00:55:20Fellas, are you feeling like shit?
00:55:22Tell me, are you feeling like shit?
00:55:23Oh, yeah
00:55:24Ladies, do you feel like shit?
00:55:26Tell me, do you feel like shit?
00:55:27Oh, yeah
00:55:28Fellas, are you feeling like shit?
00:55:30Tell me, are you feeling like shit?
00:55:31Oh, yeah
00:55:32So, um, uh, my current mental health is, is rapidly approaching, um, an ATL, which is, um, that's an all-time low, not, not Atlanta, and, you know, I feel okay when I'm asleep, like when I'm asleep, I feel alright, but it's basically, from the moment I wake up,
00:56:02I, uh, I just get this feeling in my body, way down deep inside me, I try not to fight it, describe it, alright, a few things start to happen, my vision starts to flatten, my heart, it gets to dab it, and I think I'm gonna die, yeah, so, um, yeah, not, not doing great.
00:56:32Welcome to the internet, have a look around, anything that brain of yours can think of can be found, we've got mountains of content, some better, some worse, if none of it's of interest to you, you'd be the first.
00:56:47Welcome to the internet, come and take a seat, would you like to see the news or any famous women's feet, there's no need to panic, this isn't a test, just nod or shake your head and we'll do the rest.
00:57:02Welcome to the internet, what would you prefer, would you like to fight for civil rights or tweet a racial slur?
00:57:10Be happy, be horny, be bursting with rage, we got a million different ways to engage.
00:57:18Welcome to the internet, put your cares aside, here's a tip for straining pasta, here's a nine-year-old who died.
00:57:25We got movies, and doctors, and fantasy sports, and a bunch of colored pencil drawings of all the different characters in Harry Potter fucking each other.
00:57:33Welcome to the internet, hold on to your socks, cause a random guy just kindly sent you photos of his cock.
00:57:39They are grainy and off-putting, he just sent you more, don't act surprised, you know you like it, you whore.
00:57:45See a man by hand it, get offended, see a shrink, show us pictures of your children, tell us every thought you think.
00:57:51Start a rumor, buy a broomer, send a death threat to a boomer, or DM a girl and groomer, do a zoomer, find a tumor in your ears, here's a healthy breakfast option.
00:57:59You should kill your mom, here's why women never fuck you, here's how you can build a bomb.
00:58:03Which Power Ranger are you? Take this quirky quiz, Obama sent the immigrants to vaccinate your kids.
00:58:10Could I interest you in everything, all of the time? A little bit of everything, all of the time.
00:58:16Apathy's a tragedy, and boredom is a crime. Anything and everything, all of the time.
00:58:22Could I interest you in everything, all of the time? A little bit of everything, all of the time.
00:58:28Apathy's a tragedy, and boredom is a crime. Anything and everything, all of the time.
00:58:33You know, it wasn't always like this.
00:58:47Not very long ago, just before your time. Right before the towers fell, circa 99.
00:59:04This was catalogs, travel blogs, a chatroom or two.
00:59:13We set our sights, and spent our nights waiting.
00:59:19For you, you, insatiable you.
00:59:27Mommy let you use her iPad.
00:59:31You were barely two.
00:59:34And it did all the things we designed it to do.
00:59:42Now look at you.
00:59:44Look at you.
00:59:48You, you, you.
00:59:55Unstoppable, watchable.
00:59:58Your time is now.
01:00:00Your inside's out.
01:00:02Honey, how you grew.
01:00:05And if we stick together, who knows what we'll do?
01:00:13It was always the plan.
01:00:16To put the world in your hand.
01:00:32Could I interest you in everything, all of the time?
01:00:38Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime.
01:00:42Anything and everything, all of the time.
01:00:46Could I interest you in everything, all of the time?
01:00:48A little bit of everything, all of the time.
01:00:50Apathy's a tragedy and boredom is a crime.
01:00:52Anything and everything, all of the time.
01:00:53So I've been freaking out for a long time
01:01:08thinking that I'm never going to finish this special
01:01:10and that I'm going to be working on it forever
01:01:12and recently I've been feeling like
01:01:14oh man, maybe I am getting close to done with this
01:01:17maybe I'm going to finish it after all
01:01:19and that has made me completely freak out
01:01:21because if I finish this special
01:01:24that means that I have to not work on it anymore
01:01:28and that means I have to just live my life
01:01:31and so I'm not going to do that
01:01:33and I'm going to not finish this special
01:01:35I'm going to work on it forever I think
01:01:37So yeah, I'm going to work on this forever
01:01:39and I'm never going to release it
01:01:41so I'm not talking to anybody right now
01:01:42I'm just talking to myself
01:01:43So yeah, who fucking cares?
01:01:46Fuck you and goodbye
01:01:47and let's keep going
01:01:49Jeffrey Bezos
01:01:53You did it!
01:02:10Jeffrey Bezos
01:02:12Jeffrey Bezos
01:02:15Jeffrey Bezos
01:02:17Congratulations!
01:02:19Man, you guys are a great crowd
01:02:43Give it up for yourselves for coming out by the way tonight
01:02:45Give it up
01:02:45Supporting live comedy
01:02:49in these weird times
01:02:51It's crazy
01:02:53These are some pretty crazy times
01:02:56but it's nice during these crazy times
01:02:58that we can get together, we can laugh
01:02:59You know, I've learned something over this last year
01:03:05which is pretty funny
01:03:06I've learned that
01:03:09real world
01:03:11human to human
01:03:12tactile contact
01:03:13will kill you
01:03:14and that
01:03:15all human interaction
01:03:17whether it be social
01:03:18political
01:03:19spiritual
01:03:19sexual
01:03:20or interpersonal
01:03:21should be contained
01:03:22in a much more safe
01:03:23much more real
01:03:24interior
01:03:26digital space
01:03:27that the outside world
01:03:29the non-digital world
01:03:31is merely
01:03:31a theatrical space
01:03:33in which one stages
01:03:35and records content
01:03:36for the much more real
01:03:37much more vital
01:03:38digital space
01:03:39One should only engage
01:03:41with the outside world
01:03:42as one engages
01:03:43with the coal mine
01:03:43suit up
01:03:44gather what is needed
01:03:46and return to the surface
01:03:47And is it just me
01:03:51or do pirates
01:03:52need to take a little bit
01:03:53better care of their
01:03:54fucking maps
01:03:55You know
01:03:57when I find a pirate's map
01:03:59it's
01:04:01it's always
01:04:02tea stained
01:04:03and the edges are burnt
01:04:04and it's like
01:04:05if you're a pirate
01:04:05alright
01:04:06and you're gonna
01:04:07make this map
01:04:09and expect me to carry it
01:04:11around the globe
01:04:12as I search for your treasure
01:04:13then laminate it
01:04:15I can't really
01:04:28play the guitar
01:04:29very well
01:04:30or sing
01:04:31so
01:04:32you know
01:04:33apologies
01:04:34Stunning 8K resolution
01:04:45meditation
01:04:46app
01:04:47In honor of
01:04:51the revolution
01:04:53it's half off
01:04:54at the gap
01:04:55Deadpool
01:04:59self-awareness
01:05:00loving parents
01:05:02harmless fun
01:05:03The backlash
01:05:07to the backlash
01:05:08to the thing
01:05:10that's just begun
01:05:11There it is
01:05:16again
01:05:18That funny feeling
01:05:19That funny feeling
01:05:23There it is
01:05:26again
01:05:27That funny feeling
01:05:29That funny feeling
01:05:33The surgeon general's
01:05:37pop-up shop
01:05:38Robert Iger's face
01:05:41Discount Etsy
01:05:45agitprop
01:05:46Bugle's take on race
01:05:49Female Colonel Sanders
01:05:54Easy answer
01:05:55Civil war
01:05:57The whole world
01:06:00at your fingertips
01:06:02The ocean
01:06:03at your door
01:06:05The live action
01:06:09Lion King
01:06:10The Pepsi
01:06:11halftime show
01:06:1320,000 years
01:06:17of this
01:06:18Seven more
01:06:20to go
01:06:21Carpool
01:06:24karaoke
01:06:25Steve Aoki
01:06:27Logan Paul
01:06:29A gift shop
01:06:32At the gun range
01:06:34A mass shooting
01:06:35At the mall
01:06:37There it is
01:06:41Again
01:06:43That funny feeling
01:06:45That funny feeling
01:06:48There it is
01:06:51Again
01:06:52That funny feeling
01:06:54Reading pornhubs
01:07:02Terms of service
01:07:03Going for a drive
01:07:06And obeying all the traffic laws
01:07:10And Grand Theft Auto 5
01:07:12Full agoraphobic
01:07:16Losing focus
01:07:17Cover blown
01:07:19A book on getting better
01:07:23Hand-delivered
01:07:25By a drone
01:07:27Total disassociation
01:07:32Fully out your mind
01:07:35Googling derealization
01:07:40Hating what you find
01:07:43That unappairing
01:07:48Summer air
01:07:49In early fall
01:07:50The quiet comprehending
01:07:55Of the ending
01:07:57Of it all
01:07:58There it is
01:08:03Again
01:08:04That funny feeling
01:08:06That funny feeling
01:08:10There it is
01:08:13Again
01:08:14That funny feeling
01:08:16That funny feeling
01:08:20Hey
01:08:22What can you say
01:08:24We were overdue
01:08:26But it'll be over soon
01:08:30You wait
01:08:32Hey
01:08:35What can you say
01:08:37We were overdue
01:08:39But it'll be over soon
01:08:43Just wait
01:08:45Ba-da-da
01:08:45Ba-da-da
01:08:46Hey, what can you say, we were overdue, but it'll be over soon, you ain't, hey, what can you say, we were overdue, but it'll be over soon, you ain't, hey, what can you say,
01:09:14we were overdue, but it'll be over soon, you ain't, hey, what can you say, we were overdue, but it'll be over soon, you ain't, hey, what can you say, we were overdue, but it'll be over soon, you ain't, hey, what can you say, you ain't, hey, what can you say, you ain't, hey, what can you say, you ain't, hey, what can you say, you ain't, hey, what can you say, you ain't, hey, what can you say, you ain't, hey, what can you say, you ain't, hey, what can you say, you ain't, hey, what can you say, you ain't, hey, what can you say, you ain't, hey, what can you say, you ain't, hey, what can you say, you ain't, hey, what can you say, you ain't, hey, what can you say, you ain't, hey, what can you say,
01:09:44So I've been working on this special for a year now.
01:10:14So I've been working on this special for a year now, which is a lot longer than I anticipated
01:10:38working on it when I started...
01:10:48So I've been working on...
01:10:58I am...
01:11:22not...
01:11:28well.
01:11:30Thank you very much.
01:11:46Thank you very much.
01:11:48Thank you.
01:11:52You guys have been incredible.
01:11:54Thank you.
01:12:00I couldn't have done this without you guys.
01:12:02I couldn't really.
01:12:04Thank you.
01:12:05This last year has been...
01:12:06You know, there are times that...
01:12:10But just knowing you're here, you know, feeling you here with me...
01:12:20Yeah, thank you.
01:12:24You know, I hate to ask because...
01:12:30I...
01:12:31You've given me so much...
01:12:34But...
01:12:36I need you to do one more thing for me.
01:12:40I need you to do one more thing for me.
01:12:45Can you do that?
01:12:49Get your fucking hands up.
01:12:51Get on out of your seats.
01:12:53All eyes on me.
01:12:54All eyes on me.
01:12:56Get your fucking hands up.
01:12:59Get on out of your seats.
01:13:01All eyes on me.
01:13:02All eyes on me.
01:13:04Are you feeling nervous?
01:13:08Are you having fun?
01:13:10It's almost over.
01:13:12It's just begun.
01:13:14Don't overthink this.
01:13:16Look in my eye.
01:13:17Don't be scared.
01:13:18Don't be shy.
01:13:19Come on in.
01:13:20The water's fine.
01:13:22We're going to go where everybody knows.
01:13:26Everybody knows everybody.
01:13:30We're going to go where everybody knows.
01:13:32Everybody knows.
01:13:34Everybody knows.
01:13:37Get your fucking hands up.
01:13:40Get on out of your seat.
01:13:42All eyes on me.
01:13:43All eyes on me.
01:13:45Hey, come on.
01:13:46Get your fucking hands up.
01:13:48Get on out of your seat.
01:13:50All eyes on me.
01:13:51All eyes on me.
01:13:53Yeah.
01:13:54Hands down.
01:13:56Pray for me.
01:13:58Hands down now.
01:14:00Pray for me.
01:14:02Get your fucking hands up.
01:14:04Get on out of your seat.
01:14:06All eyes on me.
01:14:07All eyes on me.
01:14:08All eyes on me.
01:14:09You want to hear a funny story?
01:14:14So, five years ago, I quit performing live comedy because I was beginning to have severe panic attacks while on stage, which is not a great place to have them.
01:14:36So, I quit.
01:14:38And I didn't perform for five years.
01:14:42I spent that time trying to improve myself mentally.
01:14:48And you know what?
01:14:50I did.
01:14:51I got better.
01:14:52I got so much better.
01:14:53In fact, that in January of 2020, I thought, you know what? I should start performing again.
01:15:11Start performing again.
01:15:13I've been hiding from the world and I need to re-enter.
01:15:27And then, the funniest thing happened.
01:15:33Are you feeling nervous?
01:15:35Are you having fun?
01:15:37It's almost over.
01:15:39It's just begun.
01:15:41Don't overthink this.
01:15:43Look in my eye.
01:15:45Don't be scared.
01:15:46Don't be shy.
01:15:47Come on in.
01:15:48The water's fine.
01:15:49You say the ocean is rising like I give a shit.
01:15:53You say the whole world's ending.
01:15:56Honey, it already did.
01:15:58You're not gonna slow it.
01:16:00Heaven knows you tried.
01:16:03Got it good.
01:16:04Now get inside.
01:16:06Go and go out.
01:16:07Gourne and go out.
01:16:08Everybody knows.
01:16:09Everybody knows.
01:16:10Everybody knows.
01:16:11Everybody knows.
01:16:12We're going and go out.
01:16:17Everybody knows.
01:16:19Everybody knows.
01:16:22Go get your f***ing hands up.
01:16:24Get on head and go see.
01:16:27All eyes on you.
01:16:28All eyes on you.
01:16:30Act Your F***ing Hands Up.
01:16:33Get on head and go see.
01:16:35All eyes on me, all eyes on me
01:16:38Hands down, pray for me
01:16:43Hands down now, pray for me
01:16:47I'm saying get your fucking hand up
01:16:49Get up, get up
01:16:52I'm talking to you, get the fuck up
01:16:54Get your fucking hand up
01:16:58Get out of your seat
01:17:00All eyes on me, all eyes on me
01:17:02Hey, I'm saying get your fucking hands up
01:17:06Don't matter your seat
01:17:08All eyes on me, all eyes on me
01:17:11Yeah, come on
01:17:12Heads down, pray for me
01:17:15Heads down now
01:17:18Pray for me, get your fucking hand up
01:17:22Yeah, all eyes on me, all eyes on me
01:17:32Yeah, come on
01:17:45Yeah
01:17:53Yeah
01:17:53Yeah
01:17:54Willkommen zu, uh, whatever this is.
01:18:24Willkommen zu, uh, whatever this is.
01:18:54Willkommen zu, uh, whatever this is.
01:19:24Um, possible, uh, ending song that is not finished yet.
01:19:47Let's test.
01:19:49Take one.
01:19:51Take one.
01:19:53Take one.
01:19:54Take one.
01:19:55Take one.
01:19:56Take one.
01:19:57Take one.
01:19:58Take one.
01:19:59Take one.
01:20:00Take one.
01:20:01Take one.
01:20:02Take one.
01:20:03Take one.
01:20:04Take one.
01:20:05Take one.
01:20:06Take one.
01:20:07Take one.
01:20:08Take one.
01:20:09Take one.
01:20:10Take one.
01:20:11Take one.
01:20:12Take one.
01:20:13Take one.
01:20:14Take one.
01:20:15Take one.
01:20:16Take one.
01:20:17Take one.
01:20:18Take one.
01:20:19Take one.
01:20:20Take one.
01:20:21Take one.
01:20:22Take one.
01:20:23Take one.
01:20:24Take one.
01:20:25Take one.
01:20:26Take one.
01:20:28Watch it.
01:20:30Get one.
01:20:31Take one.
01:20:32Take one.
01:20:33Take two.
01:20:34Take one.
01:20:35Do I really have to finish? Do returns always diminish? Did I say that right?
01:20:46Does anybody want to joke when no one's laughing in the background?
01:21:01So this is how it ends
01:21:07I promise to never go outside again
01:21:21So long
01:21:27Bye
01:21:29I'm slowly losing power
01:21:34Has it only been an hour?
01:21:37No, that can't be right
01:21:44So long
01:21:48Goodbye
01:21:53Hey, here's a fun idea
01:21:56How about I sit on the couch
01:21:59And I watch you next time?
01:22:06I wanna hear you tell
01:22:10A joke when no one's laughing in the background
01:22:17So this is how it ends
01:22:23I promise
01:22:28To never go outside again
01:22:32Am I going crazy?
01:22:34Would I even know?
01:22:36Am I right back where I started 14 years ago?
01:22:40Wanna guess the ending
01:22:42If it ever does
01:22:43I swear to God that all I've ever wanted was a little bit of everything
01:22:49All of the time
01:22:51A bit of everything
01:22:53All of the time
01:22:55Apathy's a tragedy
01:22:57And boredom is a crime
01:22:59I'm finished playing and I'm staying inside
01:23:01If I wake up in a house that's full of smoke
01:23:06I'll panic
01:23:08So call me up and tell me a joke
01:23:10When I'm fully irrelevant
01:23:13Totally broken, dammit
01:23:15Call me up and tell me a joke
01:23:18Oh shit
01:23:21You're really joking at a time like this
01:23:24Woah, woah, woah, look who's inside again
01:23:31Without to look for a reason to hide again
01:23:37Woah, woah, bunny you found it
01:23:44Now come out with your hands up
01:23:47We've got you so wrong
01:24:17I'll take a joke
01:24:20It's a thing
01:24:23We've got you, we've got you
01:24:25If you didn't have your hands up
01:24:27You've got you
01:24:29We've got you
01:24:31We've got you
01:24:33I'll take you
01:24:35I'll take you
01:24:37If you're making me
01:24:39Please don't
01:24:42You're ready
01:24:44You're ready
01:24:45Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
01:25:15Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
01:25:45Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
01:26:15Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
01:26:45Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
01:27:15Untertitelung des ZDF für funk, 2017
Empfohlen
2:12:08
|
Als nächstes auf Sendung
1:58:58
1:32:47
1:49:38
1:35:13
2:00:53
1:27:31
1:39:53
1:47:35
1:42:07
1:47:48