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Hal & Harper Season 1 Episode 5
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Short filmTranscript
00:00What if I, like, sleep under her bed?
00:13No ballads, okay?
00:31What if I, like, sleep under her bed?
00:48What if I, like, sleep under her bed?
01:02Yeah, we met last time.
01:03Yes, yeah.
01:18What if I, like, sleep under her bed?
01:35I don't wanna go, yeah.
01:40I don't wanna go, yeah.
01:45I don't wanna check, I think I know you best.
02:00I can't remember, I can't remember, I can't remember, I can't remember.
02:06I can't remember.
02:11So you smile for me
02:13I love you
02:18I'm in every happy yak
02:21So you fall infect me
02:25I love you
02:26So you smile
02:28So you fall infect me
02:29I love you
02:32Largo infect me
02:33I love you
02:34I love you
02:35So you smile
02:36I love you
02:41Well, I'll save them, but it's alright.
02:44No! Stop!
02:46No!
03:11I don't want to go yet. I don't want to come yet. I ain't on a chance.
03:39I think I know you best.
04:09Is it bad that I can't even remember what I was last year?
04:15Seriously?
04:21We were Top Gun.
04:23You were Goose.
04:25Remember how aggressive you were about everyone calling you Goose?
04:29Yeah, because I was Goose's son.
04:31Bitch, you just called me Goose too!
04:33I did!
04:34I was Miles Teller. I had the mustache, you had the aviators. You were Glenn Powell in the situation.
04:40I liked you in a mustache.
04:41You looked really hot in aviators.
04:43Everyone looks hot in aviators.
04:44No, no. This was the first time aviators made me, like, actively so horny.
04:53Do I still make you horny?
04:57Try me.
05:21I was thinking about freshman year Halloween.
05:27I was thinking about sophomore year Halloween.
05:30When we dressed up as Carrie and Lowell.
05:34What?
05:35What?
05:36What happened?
05:37Nothing.
05:38Nothing.
05:39Is it open?
05:40Yeah.
05:41Oh, my God.
05:42Oh, what's up?
05:43Hi.
05:44It's a baby on the loose.
05:45Hi.
05:46Hey.
05:47She's with me.
05:48Oh, God.
05:49I really want to pick you up.
05:50Oh, my God.
05:51Oh, my God.
05:52Oh, my God.
05:53Oh, my God.
05:54Oh, my God.
05:55Oh, my God.
05:56Oh, my God.
05:57Oh, my God.
05:58Oh, my God.
05:59Oh, my God.
06:00Oh, my God.
06:01Oh, my God.
06:02Hey.
06:03She's with me.
06:04Oh, my God.
06:05I really want to pick her up, but I don't want to scare you.
06:06Yeah, you can pick her up.
06:07It's way past our bedtime.
06:08All conventions are out the window.
06:09Oh, yes.
06:10She wants to follow me.
06:11She just started walking, so I can't put her in her stroller anymore.
06:13She just cried and cried and cried and cried.
06:14Look at that.
06:15What?
06:16What?
06:17Look at that.
06:18That's a little scary.
06:19Do we know each other?
06:20Yes.
06:21Herbert's brother.
06:22Oh, my God.
06:23Yeah.
06:24This is Abby.
06:25This is Audrey.
06:26She works with my sister.
06:27Hi.
06:28Nice to meet you.
06:29Nice to meet you.
06:30I don't know these cuties, though.
06:31This is Nathan and Ruby.
06:33Hi, Ruby and Nathan.
06:35Hi, sweeties.
06:36I got five stitches on my hand.
06:38Oh, my goodness.
06:39How'd that happen?
06:40I slid it on a wall.
06:41You slid it on a wall?
06:42Dude.
06:43We're brothers.
06:45Slid it on a wall, too.
06:47What?
06:48You guys are boo-boo brothers.
06:50How cool is that?
06:52Hey, do you want to ask them to help you pick out a costume?
06:55Will you help me pick my costume?
06:57Yeah, homie.
06:58Duh.
06:59Thank you for pushing that.
07:01Yeah.
07:02Of course.
07:07What are you doing here?
07:09Have you been here?
07:10I was just here.
07:11I left my card in the thing because I'm so out of...
07:13What are you doing here?
07:14We all five came together.
07:17Hi.
07:18Oh, my God.
07:19This is Abby.
07:20Hi.
07:21Nice to meet you.
07:22I haven't met your cuties yet.
07:23I know.
07:24And this is kind of an unfortunate time to meet them because they're so, so tired.
07:27Are you friends with my mommy?
07:28Yes, I am.
07:29I work with your mom.
07:30And she tells me all the time about Nathan.
07:33My name is Nathan?
07:35Yeah.
07:36She talks about you all the time.
07:37She loves you so much.
07:39Do you work with my mommy?
07:40I do.
07:41Yes, baby.
07:42When mommy goes to the office, Harper's there.
07:44Do you have to go home?
07:45I have to go.
07:46Do you need help with your stuff to your car?
07:47No, no, no.
07:48You go.
07:49Are you sure you don't need help?
07:50Yes.
07:51Okay.
07:52I'm happy you got to meet them.
07:53You too.
07:56God.
07:57That took forever.
07:58Yeah, sorry.
07:59Hal was in there.
08:00You can go.
08:01Hal was inside?
08:02Yeah, it was weird with that girl, Abby.
08:04Do you want to, like, see him?
08:05No, I saw him earlier.
08:06It's fine.
08:17So what are you guys doing for Halloween?
08:32We are getting candy in the morning.
08:36And other than that, I don't know.
08:39Your last one.
08:42What?
08:45You know, last Halloween without your little...
08:50Oh, right.
08:51Yeah.
08:52Yes.
08:53I guess.
08:54He's over his last 13.
08:55From the floor, going back to Monday.
08:57Dodge it.
09:15We do.
09:16How many months?
09:17Yeah.
09:18It's very expensive.
09:19Ow, Yay.
09:24Ugh.
09:29Ah...
09:30Ah!
09:32Oh!
09:33What is the worst is?
09:34Well, I know...
09:35what makes you go.
09:37Did you fart?
09:50Hmm?
09:54Did you poop or did you fart?
09:56What? Go back to bed.
10:07Did you go to the couch to watch porn?
10:30Stop it. Shut up. Did you hear that?
10:33Did I hear two girls scissoring and screaming at where I am?
10:37Yeah. I went to click on something and then it started playing full volume.
10:42So I just shut it off. I couldn't sleep.
10:45I'm sorry you couldn't sleep.
10:47It's okay.
10:52I found your cigarettes.
10:55In my backpack.
10:57Are you smoking again? Stop that.
11:02Okay.
11:04Want me to make you a scene?
11:07Okay.
11:07I'm sorry.
11:08It's okay.
11:09I'm sorry.
11:10I'm sorry.
11:23You're driving a lot.
11:25I'm sorry.
11:26I'm sorry.
11:28I'm sorry.
11:58Do I remember you giving me Advil in the middle of the night?
12:03I woke up with a murderous headache.
12:05Though I took some and then I forced you to take some.
12:07Thank God. Thank you.
12:11Hey, I don't want to see anybody else.
12:15Like, I want to be exclusive or whatever.
12:21I'm sorry, we can have this conversation when you're more awake.
12:23I just, I was thinking about it.
12:24No, I'm awake. I'm just like, well, yeah.
12:28Well, yeah, what?
12:29Well, yeah, we've been exclusive.
12:34Well, no, actually.
12:39Well, you've hooked up with somebody?
12:41I mean, I, I haven't, like, had sex with anybody else, but, I mean, I think I've kissed somebody.
12:52You, you think?
12:54Like, you, like, what do you mean?
12:56Like, somebody drugged you and you think they could have kissed you?
12:58What does that mean? Why are you saying think?
12:59Lower your voice.
13:00You actually kissed somebody?
13:01Since when?
13:02You're really asking since when?
13:05We never had this conversation.
13:06Okay, yeah, but, like, you kissed somebody?
13:09Yes.
13:10Yeah.
13:11When? How?
13:13I, like, I'm always with you.
13:15When, like, are you kissing someone during lunch?
13:17No, it wasn't a lunch kiss.
13:19This isn't fucking funny.
13:21Okay, never mind.
13:23Like, let's just forget I ever said anything.
13:24Yeah, let's forget you said anything.
13:26Okay, good. Yeah, leave.
13:27That's a great idea.
13:28Fuck you, Abby.
13:29Nice. Leave.
13:38I'm just trying to remember what I was like before I met you.
13:44I remember I was about to drop out.
13:46And I remember I saw your face.
13:50And we just dove in and everything got so much better.
13:53Like, I was in the middle of a self-crisis, but you loved me.
14:02But I just never dealt with myself.
14:04I never figured out.
14:08And I think it's okay that we weren't fully formed individuals when we met.
14:12You can figure out who you are, and we don't have to break up because of it.
14:21I think we just have to try.
14:24I really want to try.
14:27And I want you to want to try.
14:30You can do a little speckle cheat in there.
14:40Do you want to go in?
14:53Do you?
14:58It's a fresh baby.
14:59Holy cow, that is a tiny one.
15:01This is nice.
15:21This is nice.
15:25This is nice.
15:26I love this backyard so much.
15:38My mom's brother texted and said that he could talk right now, so I feel like I should.
15:45Okay.
15:47Okay.
15:47Can you?
15:51Hey.
15:53I hope the call comes well.
15:56No, I've never been.
16:24I live, yeah, in LA right now.
16:26No, I want to.
16:48No, I want to.
16:56Guys, what are we doing?
17:09It's Halloween.
17:10Scary movie.
17:11Put candy outside for the kids.
17:14It's our last college Halloween.
17:15We have to go out.
17:16Freshman year Halloween is plenty.
17:17My freshman year Halloween is plenty.
17:19Do you guys have costumes?
17:20No, sorry.
17:21We're not seven years old and have costumes just like waiting around.
17:25Oh, I wasn't talking to you, nerd.
17:26I don't got a costume.
17:27I could dig something up.
17:29I really need you to.
17:29I need to go out.
17:30Then go out.
17:32What's your damage?
17:33No damage.
17:33I'm chilling.
17:34I'm watching a movie.
17:35Did I miss fantasy football again last week?
17:36I mean, yeah, you did, but I don't fucking care.
17:38Seems like you really care.
17:39I actually really don't.
17:41I just don't want to dress up like a bitch.
17:42Harper, does this bitch know?
17:56Does she know that she is a literal queen?
18:00I think she does.
18:01I don't think you know this shining face.
18:06This ship would sink without you, and I just, I need you to know that you're beautiful and
18:12perfect and fun, and you make us all so happy.
18:15You're so sweet.
18:16You're a good girl.
18:17No work is going to work.
18:19Not complaining.
18:24We didn't have to leave so early.
18:28I told you I want to hand out candy.
18:30No kid is going to come to our perfect complex.
18:34You don't know that.
18:35Okay.
18:41Wait, I think that's, I think that's Eaglewood Pool.
18:44Huh?
18:46Wait, sir, I'm sorry.
18:47Could you just, could you let us out right here?
18:49Sir, could you just let us out right here?
18:50I need you to focus and commit.
18:52Yes.
18:52Okay.
18:53God, do you remember this place?
18:54Oh, I'm hammered right now.
18:56I remember it was our third time making out.
18:59Oh, my God, this fence.
19:01Yeah.
19:08What?
19:20Let's go.
19:29Yikes.
19:32Isn't, like, when you go back to an old spot, it's supposed to feel smaller?
19:37Yeah, this is way taller than I remember.
19:39I just really wanted to make out in that pool.
19:41How did we get over this?
19:45You've...
19:46I think I got it.
19:48I'm spotting you.
19:49Please be careful.
19:51Watch your foot.
19:53Hey, hey, hey.
19:57Okay.
20:00Fuck off right now.
20:02Okay, I can help you.
20:04How are you going to help me?
20:07It's easier than you think.
20:08For your foot, now use your leg.
20:10I'm trying.
20:10Do it.
20:11You got it.
20:11You got it.
20:11I can't.
20:17Fuck.
20:18No, no.
20:19I'm too drunk.
20:20You were drunk last time?
20:21I'm older than I was.
20:23No, you're 24.
20:24Come on.
20:27Please.
20:31Yes.
20:31Please.
20:37Oh, fuck.
20:38Oh, shit.
20:38Oh, shit.
20:39Careful.
20:40Oh, it's not happening.
20:41It's not happening.
20:41It's not happening.
20:41It's not right.
20:42It's okay.
20:56I couldn't find a thing, so it's...
20:58Wow.
20:58Oh, fuck.
21:07Oh, no, boy.
21:08Yo, fellas, get the...
21:10Shut the fuck up.
21:12Fuck, what was that for?
21:13I literally just broke up.
21:15You in the skeleton?
21:16Yes, yeah.
21:17Well, how the hell am I supposed to know that?
21:19I don't know.
21:20Ask a question.
21:21You have to be around for that.
21:23Okay, and you'd have to be not high off your ass all day for that.
21:26Kyle, if you ever asked a question, you'd know I'm sober.
21:29I haven't gotten high in 11 days.
21:3211 days?
21:33That's incredible, man.
21:34You should...
21:34Can you sponsor me?
21:37What the hell?
21:38Fuck off.
21:39I'm trying.
21:40You're at a bar, dumbass.
21:41Yeah, for you.
21:42Keep your voice down.
21:43You okay?
22:00Yeah, I'm trying to remember why I came in here.
22:03Did you come out here to watch TV?
22:05No.
22:06To tell me you love me?
22:07No, but I love you.
22:09Were you going to go to the kitchen and get an ice pop?
22:11No.
22:11Water.
22:12Have that.
22:13I can make you a bowl of cereal.
22:15I don't want a bowl of cereal.
22:16You want a bowl of cereal.
22:17Well, you don't know what you want.
22:18Wings!
22:20I was going to ask you to order wings.
22:29You have an eyelash.
22:31You do too.
22:32It's a baby.
22:38Make a wish.
22:38Ow.
22:39Ow.
22:40What?
22:40Fuck.
22:41Fuck!
22:41The sauce!
22:42How's this on your fingers?
22:43Yeah.
22:43Yeah, you did.
22:44Get a napkin.
22:45Fuck, I'm so sorry.
22:45You blinded me.
22:46Fuck!
22:55Are you asleep?
22:56I got the Dallas job officially.
23:09When were you going to tell me?
23:11I'm telling you now.
23:17How long have you known?
23:18Two days.
23:20I didn't tell you because I wanted to talk about our relationship without having to talk about Dallas, too.
23:31Do you want to go?
23:32Do you want to stay together?
23:38Do you want to stay together?
23:39Do you want to stay together?
24:09Tell Kate I'm sorry.
24:11Not to worry.
24:14Uh, Hal says he's sorry not to worry.
24:17Can you go to another room to talk?
24:18Sorry.
24:20Okay, hold on.
24:28Okay.
24:29Where are you?
24:30Um, I'm at a bar.
24:32Doesn't sound like it.
24:33Yeah, well, right now, I guess I'm not, but I was at a bar.
24:35Now I'm playing basketball with a garbage as the hoop and a rock as a basketball.
24:41That sounds fun.
24:42Not really.
24:43Abby and I had a fight, and she's in there, so I had to leave.
24:49Hide out.
24:52Well, I just didn't want to torture her or be tortured if I really should be.
24:57Do you still want to be with her?
25:00Yeah.
25:03Should you go back to her?
25:06And do what?
25:08Be with her.
25:11Even if she's mad at you and doesn't want to talk to you.
25:14I just don't think she's going to want to see me.
25:15I'm sure she doesn't not want to see you.
25:18Huh?
25:19It's okay for her to see you.
25:26Okay, I love you.
25:27I love you.
25:28I really love Kate, too, Dad.
25:31Can you tell her I said that?
25:33I think I need to be away from you.
25:56You're not really here.
26:04You're, like, gone.
26:05No, I'm sorry.
26:24I got out for your stop and my stock sudden drop
26:29I'm a trusted door stopper
26:30A paperweight taciturn
26:32An animal
26:34I can sit on your shelf
26:38Like ashes foretell
26:39A spirit in hell
26:41While the living sleep right on
26:43Take the shortcut
26:45And I could've called
26:48Suppose I'm the thorn on your rose
26:50I'm the emperor's new clothes
26:52And I make it look easier
26:54Every time
26:57If you left it to me
27:00Who knows where we would be
27:01Reading fortunes for free
27:03In someone else's goldmine
27:05Survey my
27:07Break and lay cheap wine
27:10You let it in sometimes
27:16A floodgate
27:19You can pantomime
27:22You let it in sometimes
27:27In every crime of the heart
27:33You rip yourself apart
27:34It's outsider art
27:35Provokes every emotion
27:37And it may bewildering few
27:43It's an unpleasant view
27:45You're an agent of truth
27:46Twist it up at the tailing
27:49You play the villain like a violin
27:53It comes from within
28:00Darkness you can befriend
28:04You okay?
28:07It comes from within
28:10It's a dead end
28:15It's a dead end
28:19Don't overextend
28:22Hell in darkness
28:24You can befriend
28:26It's a dead end
28:30Don't overextend
28:33Hell in darkness
28:35You can befriend
28:37You can befriend
28:39You can befriend
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