00:00Have you had sex?
00:01If not, no big deal.
00:02And if you're like, yeah, done it, currently doing it, okay, yes, go off.
00:06But either way, how do you know?
00:09Like most people would agree, penis in vagina equals S-E-X.
00:13But what about mouth stuff, hand stuff, butt stuff?
00:16When it comes to doing it, what actually counts as it?
00:20Hi, I'm Shamboodram, and this is Crash Course Sex Ed.
00:24Doing it, getting laid.
00:30Don't forget the horizontal hula.
00:32Yes, Teen Shan, thank you for that very helpful addition.
00:35Whatever you call it, there's a whole range of sexcapades people get up to,
00:39involving penises, vaginas, mouths, hands, butts, toys, and so on.
00:43But here's the thing, when people say they're having sex, what exactly do they mean?
00:49Turns out, for a long time, we didn't know.
00:51Not until a guy came along who studied insects.
00:55Teen Shan, let him know.
00:57It's 1938, and Indiana University is offering its first ever marriage class
01:02for married students in need of some sexual and reproductive health 101.
01:07Despite being more of a bug guy, popular professor and entomologist
01:11Alfred Kinsey is enlisted to help teach it.
01:13And the students have lots of sex questions.
01:16Though, they're really all the same question.
01:19What's normal?
01:19Kinsey realized he didn't know.
01:22Nobody did.
01:23Because there simply hadn't been solid scientific study
01:25of what people actually do when they do it.
01:28So Kinsey hatched a plan.
01:30Instead of collecting bugs, he'd collect people's sex histories.
01:33Over the next decade and a half, he and his team interviewed over 18,000 strangers,
01:37asking direct and non-judgmental questions like,
01:40how often do you masturbate?
01:41And when was your first sexual experience?
01:43The team's findings sent shockwaves across the United States.
01:48Masturbation, premarital sex, and same-sex experiences were far more common than assumed,
01:53considering how widely these behaviors were shamed and even punished at the time.
01:57And one of the most influential concepts to come out of that research was the Kinsey scale.
02:02The idea that sexual attraction falls on a continuum, not in two opposite categories.
02:08On a scale, many people fall somewhere in the middle.
02:11Sexual attraction isn't just black and white, it's all the shades in between.
02:15Kinsey's research challenged Americans' perceptions of what was normal sexual behavior,
02:20and it added a lot to the field of sexology, the scientific study of sex.
02:24Today, sexologists continue to research what people do, think, and feel about sex.
02:30Which is why we know more than, like, rumors from your best friend's cousin's neighbor.
02:34And a juicy truth we can pull from the Kinsey scale?
02:37Sexuality, who you are as a sexual being, is about more than just what you're doing in the bedroom,
02:43or on the couch, or not at all.
02:45Sex columnist Dan Savage puts it this way,
02:47sexuality is like a three-layer cake.
02:50There's your sexual orientation, who you want to do it with.
02:55Your sexual behavior, who you actually do it with.
02:58And your sexual identity, who you tell people you do it with
03:01by identifying as gay, straight, bisexual, or something else.
03:05Sometimes those layers are all the same flavor.
03:08Imagine a man who's attracted exclusively to women,
03:11has sex exclusively with women,
03:13and identifies as,
03:15women want me, fish fare me.
03:17I mean, he's straight.
03:18That guy might be a little delulu about his sexual and fishing prowess,
03:22but at least he's comfy with his cake.
03:24But now, let's imagine this fisherman is actually attracted to men,
03:27despite identifying as straight.
03:29His cake has a funfetti layer,
03:32but because of his attitudes around him,
03:34like major anti-funfetti vibes among his friends and family,
03:37he feels ashamed or unsafe acting on that desire,
03:40much less announcing it to the world.
03:41He feels like he needs to hide the funfetti,
03:44and tell the world he's all red velvet.
03:46And when someone experiences a clash in the layers of their sexuality,
03:49this can trigger stress, depression,
03:51and the feeling that they can't fully be themselves.
03:54Often, that inner conflict is thanks to culture,
03:57which is kind of like an iceberg.
03:59You can only see about 10% of it on the outside.
04:02The food, the clothing, the aggressively orange mascots.
04:05The rest is a hulking mask of beliefs, attitudes, and meanings lurking beneath the surface,
04:11influencing how we view the world,
04:12including how we think about sex.
04:15And different cultures circulate their own ideas about what's normal or acceptable.
04:19Like, is sex before marriage forbidden, tolerated, or expected?
04:24Do people talk about sex openly,
04:26or treat it like embarrassing photos from your awkward phase,
04:29only safe with a few trusted people?
04:32Is same-sex attraction punished or embraced?
04:35Every culture regulates sex in some way,
04:37whether that's through formal rules, like legislating homosexuality as a crime,
04:41or through social norms, like closing the bedroom curtains so the neighbors can't see you.
04:46And all that can influence how we feel about, well, the way we feel.
04:51Culture can even influence what we consider sex and what we don't.
04:55Which brings me back to the question,
04:57have you had sex?
04:59How do you know?
05:00Because even within the same culture,
05:03people don't always agree on which behaviors count.
05:05Like in 2017, researchers looked at responses
05:08from over 3,000 straight-identifying men and women in the U.S.
05:12who were asked if they considered butt stuff to be sex.
05:15While 90% agreed that penis and anus equal sex,
05:18when it came to mouths or hands touching a butt,
05:21they were like,
05:21yes!
05:23No!
05:24I don't know.
05:25Except for older men who'd personally done that stuff,
05:28and they were more likely to say,
05:30oh yeah, that's sex for sure.
05:31And when it comes to intimacy, or a feeling of closeness,
05:34that can accompany sex, or not.
05:37Making out can feel intimate,
05:38but so can someone taking your bare, ungluved hand
05:41as you step out of a carriage.
05:43Maybe I've watched Pride and Prejudice too many times.
05:46Give me a minute.
05:48Anyways, maybe you're thinking,
05:50but Shan, there's a reason penis and vagina sex
05:53is the sex.
05:54It makes babies.
05:55Isn't that the whole point?
05:57Okay, yes, true.
05:59Making more life is the reason sex evolved in the first place,
06:01and it stuck around for lots of species because it works.
06:05Combining two individuals' genes creates offspring
06:07with a unique combination of traits,
06:09making it more likely that a species will survive.
06:11But it's not like you'll die
06:13if you never had this kind of sex.
06:15Lots of sexually reproducing species,
06:17us included,
06:18have same-sex sex too,
06:20a behavior that may have evolved
06:21as a way of strengthening social bonds.
06:23And plenty of people have sex
06:25when they aren't physically able to have children
06:28or just don't want to.
06:30In fact, according to a 2007 study,
06:33people have hundreds of reasons for doing it
06:35that have nothing to do with making babies,
06:38ranging from it's fun to
06:40I wanted to get closer to God
06:41to I felt jealous.
06:43I wanted to see what all the fuss was about.
06:45And my personal favorite,
06:47it seemed like a good workout.
06:49Get that cardio.
06:51And people's reasons for having or not having sex
06:53can ebb and flow in their lifetime.
06:56Like some people choose not to have sex
06:58until they feel they're ready
06:59or they found the right partner.
07:01And some long-term couples
07:02find themselves having less sex as time goes on.
07:05The point is,
07:06there is no one reason for having sex.
07:08And what we count as knockin' boots
07:10isn't just biological,
07:12it's cultural,
07:13it's personal.
07:14So why does it matter
07:15what counts as sex and what doesn't?
07:16Well, because we act like it matters.
07:20The word virgin is often used
07:22to describe someone who's never had sex.
07:24Historically, the penis and vagina kind.
07:27Just the existence of this word
07:28puts that one act on a pedestal
07:30implying it's THE sex.
07:33And then the word gets used
07:34to organize and judge people
07:36based on whether they've done it or not.
07:38Losing your virginity
07:39can be a badge of honor
07:41or something to be ashamed of
07:42or confused about.
07:44That can be especially complicated
07:45for people whose first time
07:46having penis and vagina sex
07:48wasn't consensual.
07:49Folks who don't want to have sex at all
07:51or those who regularly engage
07:52in other sexy activities.
07:54Like,
07:55are gay people virgins for life
07:57if they never have PNV sex?
07:59I don't think so.
08:00And valuing one kind of sex
08:01over another
08:02can lead to more than internalized shame.
08:04Many studies have found
08:05that LGBTQ plus folks
08:07are likely to endure bullying
08:09and discrimination in their lifetimes
08:10and can even be less likely
08:12to seek medical care
08:13in communities
08:14where sexual diversity
08:15is not widely accepted.
08:16But just because culture
08:17can saturate words
08:18like sex and virginity
08:19with positive or negative values
08:21doesn't mean those values
08:22are objectively true
08:23or set in stone.
08:24Like in a survey from 2014,
08:27many LGBTQ plus people
08:28share that their first time
08:30having sex,
08:31no matter how they define that,
08:33didn't feel like it was
08:33as meaningful as coming out.
08:36And in other studies,
08:37LGBTQ plus people
08:38have told researchers
08:39that they often think
08:41of losing their virginity
08:42as a process,
08:43not a one-time thing.
08:45They've had first times,
08:47plural,
08:47because different sexual experiences
08:49help clarify their identity.
08:51So when you say
08:52you have or hadn't had sex,
08:54what you mean
08:55isn't as straightforward
08:56as you think.
08:57You and I might have
08:58totally different definitions
08:59and that's okay.
09:01There's no single way
09:02of doing it,
09:03no single why for doing it,
09:05and no single thing
09:06that doing it means.
09:07What's normal
09:08is variation.
09:09And ultimately,
09:10it's up to you to decide
09:12what sex means
09:13in your life.
09:15Next time,
09:16we'll explore the wide
09:17and wonderful world
09:18of the vulva.
09:20See you then.
09:20This episode of
09:21Crash Course Sex Ed
09:22was produced in partnership
09:23with the Kinsey Institute
09:25at Indiana University.
09:26If you are interested
09:27in learning more,
09:28visit their website
09:29for resources
09:30that explore the topics
09:31we discussed
09:31in the video today.
09:33Thank you for watching
09:34this episode,
09:35which was filmed
09:35at our studio
09:36in Indianapolis
09:37and was made
09:38with the help
09:38of all these nice people.
09:40If you want to help
09:41keep Crash Course
09:42free for everyone
09:43or ever,
09:44you can join
09:45our community
09:46on Patreon.
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