#ShowFilm98
#Ugliest
#House in America
#Ugliest
#House in America
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00Let me guess, you came here to get a gander at the beautiful houses, didn't you?
00:07I feel like I have to remind you once again, this is ugliest house in America, people.
00:14Lower your expectations.
00:17We've seen some unattractive homes over the last few years.
00:20Is that real, Zabra?
00:22It is.
00:23And that's putting it nicely.
00:25Wow!
00:25I don't know how it's possible, but America, you stepped up your game big time.
00:34The ugly is back, and it is back with a vengeance.
00:40It's a dust drop.
00:41It looks like Jabba the Hutt in the corner.
00:43Terrible.
00:44What is going on?
00:46You're going to find out.
00:50So get ready for 15 of the weirdest...
00:53Oh my God, I just realized there's a sink!
00:55Most dysfunctional...
00:56How do you sleep down here?
00:58And downright disastrous places that people are calling home.
01:03Where do we go from here?
01:06We've already crowned the most hideous of the Midwest.
01:09I don't even need to, like, point things out.
01:12It's all right at you.
01:14Great Lakes region, it's time to dive in.
01:17Nothing for you!
01:18Hidden amongst the beauty of the Great Lakes region is a whole lot of ugly, and my search
01:26for that ugly lands me in the quaint town of Algray, Michigan.
01:30I can show you where that is on the map, because I happen to have one.
01:33Bam!
01:34Please do not concentrate on my broken pinky.
01:38We are here, where Saginaw Bay meets Lake Huron.
01:43I'm here to meet Christine and Greg.
01:45Do they have the ugliest house in America?
01:47They have a boat.
01:53This is a ship.
01:55What's up, Christine and Greg?
02:03Hi!
02:04Hi, Rhonda!
02:05Christine!
02:06Hi!
02:06I don't know who you are!
02:08Hi, I'm Andrew.
02:08Hi, Andrew, how are you?
02:10Good, nice to meet you.
02:11Nice to meet you, Greg.
02:11Welcome to our boat cottage.
02:12I think you need to see it from the front.
02:14Oh, this is not the front?
02:15No, this is kind of the back, the aft of the boat, as you will.
02:19The aft, all right.
02:20Let's see it from the bow.
02:25It's legit a boat.
02:26Aye, aye, Captain.
02:28The person that built it was in the Navy,
02:30and his wife didn't like ships, and he did,
02:33so this was their compromise.
02:35You live here?
02:37No, my mom lives here.
02:38Got it.
02:39My name is Christine, and this is my husband, Greg,
02:42and this is my mom's house that actually looks like a boat.
02:45The boat cottage is well-known as a landmark out on the water,
02:49and it's a replica of a 20-steamship that was put ashore.
02:54There's portholes on the side.
02:57We do have a smokestack,
02:58and it's actually the chimney for the fireplace.
03:00There's even a gangplank.
03:02So much of it is so outdated,
03:04and there's a lot of ugly nautical stuff.
03:11You can't see inside.
03:12You can't see inside.
03:14Okay.
03:15All right, well, you have a seat.
03:18Yes, we do.
03:19It's very nautical.
03:21The floor is definitely curved, yeah?
03:24Yes, it is.
03:25The whole...
03:26I'm walking uphill right now.
03:27...house was built to be exactly like a boat,
03:30hence the crowned floors.
03:32Huh.
03:33I just thought it was, like, shoddy workmanship,
03:35but no, it was the plan.
03:38Unnecessary.
03:38We can level it out, you know what I'm saying?
03:41That boat's not going to be a rocket.
03:44Where are we headed next?
03:45Let's head into the galley.
03:46Huh?
03:46Oh, the galley.
03:47All of our kitchen is currently in these tubs
03:55because we don't have cabinet space right now.
03:57I thought maybe that was a galley thing.
03:59Like, they don't have cabinets in the galleys.
04:01Now, is this the normal layout?
04:03Like, this is where the fridge would be?
04:04No, because 99 years ago,
04:07they didn't have refrigerators.
04:08They had ice boxes.
04:10Yes, they did.
04:11We're missing some ceiling.
04:12Yeah.
04:12So we started to redo the kitchen for my mom,
04:16but there was a leak in the ceiling,
04:18and that took precedence over the kitchen.
04:20This ship ain't in ship shape.
04:25How about we show you to the lounge?
04:27The lounge.
04:29Whoa!
04:32On theme, folks,
04:33we live in a boat on a lake.
04:36You know how many lighthouses they had in there?
04:39Not a light in them.
04:40We got a...
04:41Do you call it a steering wheel?
04:43Ship's wheel.
04:43A ship's wheel.
04:44Oh, man.
04:45Did you come and...
04:46Yep, I was...
04:47Steer the boat when you were a kid?
04:48I was always standing right by that wheel all the time.
04:50Of course you were.
04:51Is this structural?
04:53Yeah, this pole seems to be the problem in this room.
04:56That's why there's, like, two sitting areas...
04:58Right.
04:58...instead of one.
04:59Every time you try to put a couch anywhere,
05:00this pole is in the way.
05:01Yeah, so this is a pain in the neck.
05:03Yeah.
05:03Okay, where to next?
05:05Let's go upstairs.
05:06Okay.
05:08It's tight up here.
05:11So welcome to our sleeping quarters.
05:16Seriously?
05:17It's so small.
05:18My mom lives downstairs, and we have two kids,
05:21and then our friends come up with their kids.
05:24The place is always full in the summer.
05:25Because we always want to, yeah, have room for everybody.
05:29I'm not sharing that space.
05:32Too tight.
05:32Now to the captain's quarters.
05:35Oh!
05:36Which is a blessing and a curse at the same time.
05:38Okay.
05:38But you'll see.
05:39The captain's quarter.
05:45It's a short room.
05:47Very narrow room.
05:49Yes.
05:49But it's definitely, like, the spot.
05:52Captain's quarters would work for me.
05:54When the sun starts to come up, it's hot in here.
05:57And it's bright.
05:58You can't sleep past six.
06:01Oh, no.
06:02No, it wouldn't work for me.
06:03I really enjoy my sleep.
06:05I need a blackout.
06:08Let's take and show you the back.
06:10So I can get a little deck action.
06:13Yes.
06:15Retta, welcome to the bow of the boat.
06:18Welcome to the bow, he says.
06:19This is the best place.
06:20Well, yeah, the anchor, that was hilarious.
06:24Make sure it doesn't go anywhere.
06:25Well, location, location, location, is all I'm saying.
06:29You gotta fix the rest.
06:30Yes.
06:33You are one of three semifinalists in the Great Lakes region.
06:37If you are selected to move to the next round,
06:40you'll be that much closer to a $150,000 renovation
06:43designed by Allison Victoria.
06:45It's a big change.
06:46I'm going to wish you good luck.
06:49And I'm going to make my wave.
06:50A shore.
06:52This is the broken boat by the lake.
06:55The appearance is the boat.
06:58Ropes, portholes, ground floors.
07:03On theme, folks.
07:04Functionally, you have a kitchen where appliances don't fit,
07:07a pole where a couch should be,
07:10and the hallway's so narrow you have to shimmy sideways,
07:13like on a boat.
07:15The surprise is there's a steering wheel.
07:18We ain't going nowhere.
07:20Great Lakes.
07:22Full steam ahead.
07:25Well, I'm off that boat, but back in the RV.
07:28And this time, I'm headed west to the town of Jenison.
07:31I'm here to meet a couple of Michiganders.
07:36Michiganders?
07:39Michigonians?
07:41Michiganites?
07:42Who knows?
07:44I'm here to meet Shannon and Russ
07:45and find out if they have the ugliest house
07:48in our Great Lakes regions.
07:54Certainly not from the outside.
07:56This is cute.
07:57There's got to be something juicy inside, right?
08:03Hi.
08:04Hello.
08:05How are you?
08:07Wonderful.
08:08How are you?
08:09Nice to meet you.
08:09You too, Russ.
08:10You too, yes.
08:11And Shannon.
08:12I'm here to see your ugly house
08:14because it's really cute from the outside.
08:16Well, we would like to show you.
08:18Okay.
08:19Let's see it.
08:22Whoa.
08:23There's a lot going on.
08:27I mean, it's kitschy.
08:29It's kitschy.
08:31Like, I'd like a dress in this print.
08:33Oh, wow.
08:33Not this one.
08:34This one.
08:36Floral prints galore.
08:38Did I clash?
08:40Or did I fit in perfectly?
08:50I'm Shannon, and this is my husband, Russ.
08:53And this is the ugliest house in America.
08:56We bought this house a few months ago.
08:58We fell in love with the property.
09:00It's great on the outside,
09:01but the inside really needs to be redone.
09:03The previous owner bought the house in the late 60s,
09:06and really, it hasn't been touched since.
09:08There's spattered wallpaper everywhere.
09:11Carpeted walls, floor, ceiling.
09:13And it doesn't smell very good either.
09:15We're kind of in over our heads
09:17because it's going to take a lot to fix it.
09:21There is one thing that's really interesting
09:23about this cupboard.
09:24Uh-huh.
09:26So take a look at the door.
09:29It's all on amputation.
09:30Amputation.
09:31First aid.
09:32If you cut off a finger.
09:36A finger.
09:36What is going on?
09:39Because they had a lumber mill here.
09:41Oh, okay.
09:41So we're thinking that's why it's in there.
09:43Jeez Louise.
09:46Amputations were prevalent enough.
09:49They're like, you know what?
09:50Let's just make sure everybody knows what to do.
09:52Slap it in this cabinet.
09:54Check out the door behind you.
09:57Russ!
09:57So there is a stairway to nothing.
10:03Okay, first of all, it's mold.
10:06This is asthma waiting to happen.
10:10Let's head right into the kitchen.
10:11Let's go right to the door.
10:12What is happening here?
10:14That fridge looks not new.
10:18Wow, the smell is real extra in here, isn't it?
10:22Is that real brick?
10:24It is not.
10:24Okay.
10:25It's like a set.
10:30This cutting board, that's a wooden Petri dish right there.
10:33A wooden Petri dish.
10:35First of all, Shannon's like, as if you didn't buy this place.
10:38It's like, whoa, terrible.
10:41Well, let's head this way.
10:43Okay.
10:49This is the parlor.
10:50Okay, this room should be my dream.
10:59What the heck?
11:02I've never seen a valance made with carpet.
11:05Pink carpet.
11:06And the wallpaper is very soft.
11:09That means it sucks as much moisture in the air as it can.
11:12I'm afraid it's, like, damp.
11:14Damp.
11:15Ah, the pink room.
11:18It is my cotton candy dreams.
11:20If only it didn't give me emphysema.
11:24What's our next room?
11:25Well, let's head upstairs.
11:26Okay.
11:27You have got to be kidding me.
11:34What were they thinking?
11:36I'm afraid to touch the walls.
11:38Unique.
11:39Very unique.
11:42Wow.
11:45What is this room?
11:46It was one of the kids' bedrooms.
11:49Do you like the red shade carpet?
11:51I don't.
11:52It's such an odd choice.
11:53Those are egg cartons.
11:57Yeah.
11:57Never seen that before.
11:59She was like, I got an idea for the ceiling.
12:01Don't throw away the egg cartons.
12:05How about we head to the bathroom?
12:07Okay.
12:12Welcome to the only bathroom in the house.
12:14Stop.
12:15This is the only...
12:16This big old house.
12:17What bathroom?
12:18Yep, on the second floor.
12:19And it's just a tub.
12:20You have to look a little deeper.
12:22Yeah, maybe pull on that door.
12:23Oh, okay.
12:27So there's the toilet.
12:29There's a door over there you must pull on as well.
12:31Proceed with caution.
12:36Well, I think I'd use the tub.
12:43Let's head this way.
12:44Okay.
12:46Oh, gosh.
12:47Down the scary hall.
12:48The scary hall.
12:48This is hilarious.
13:02Creepy critters live in the rug for sure.
13:06We have a rake.
13:07Let me show you how this operates.
13:12I've never seen a rug rake.
13:15But God bless.
13:17It works.
13:18Okay.
13:18Well, I walked up and I was like, this house is really cute.
13:22Yes.
13:23But you know what?
13:25Came back strong.
13:26Yeah?
13:27You really knocked it out of the park.
13:31I'm going to make my way back downstairs without touching the walls.
13:35I need a second.
13:36A carpet castle.
13:39Appearance-wise, there's more carpeting than not.
13:44Carpet on the walls.
13:46Carpet on the ceiling.
13:48Gross.
13:49Functionally, you've got stairs to nowhere, an egg carton ceiling, and only one bathroom
13:54in the whole house.
13:55On the second floor, no less.
13:58So, hard pass on that.
14:00The surprise?
14:01You're looking to preserve your newly amputated finger?
14:04Check out the cupboard in the foyer.
14:06Surprise!
14:07Great Lakes.
14:08They got ugly covered with carpet.
14:13For our final stop in the Great Lakes, I'm headed to the city.
14:17The city of Lansing, that is.
14:20Capital city!
14:22I'm here to meet Jenny and Sam and to find out how ugly their ugly house really is.
14:34It's ugly.
14:35It's like a spaceship.
14:47This is my nightmare.
14:49Hi, everybody!
14:58Hi!
14:59Jenny.
15:00Yes.
15:00Sam.
15:02Yes.
15:02Hi, Devin.
15:03Hello.
15:03Hi, I'm also Sam, or Samantha.
15:05Are you really?
15:06Yes.
15:06Sam Sam.
15:06Okay, what is this house?
15:09My name is Sam, this is Jenny, and we bought a UFO house.
15:14Bring me to your leader.
15:16It was not the shape that we wanted,
15:20but just kind of fit everything that we needed.
15:23We were looking for a very large house,
15:25a very large chunk of property.
15:27So we're like, you know what, let's do it.
15:29It has round walls, round windows.
15:33All the hallways are rounded, countertops are rounded,
15:36pretty much everything's round.
15:38I'm totally fine with the outside of our house looking like a UFO,
15:41but I want my house to be my house,
15:44and not wild and crazy on the inside.
15:47Let's see this house. All right.
15:49Let's do it.
15:52Oh, wow, it is like a spaceship.
15:55Wow.
15:57So these are clearly like custom glass.
16:01We feel like we're at the zoo.
16:02We're at the zoo waiting for animals to walk by.
16:05Or you're the visual stimuli.
16:06We're being observed, yes.
16:09Who was the previous owner?
16:10He was an artist.
16:12Yeah.
16:13They rounded every corner.
16:14Oh.
16:15First day we took over,
16:16I kind of bumped that wall over there,
16:18and many, many bees flew out at me.
16:22Because there was a massive hive in that wall
16:24that we didn't know about.
16:25It's still there?
16:26As far as we know, but we haven't seen any bees.
16:28Yeah.
16:29I need a ring.
16:32Next we will see the kitchen.
16:34Let's see the kitchen.
16:35Oh, oh boy.
16:37I already see some problems.
16:41Things to do?
16:42Yup.
16:43We got a list.
16:44I love that bees is on the list.
16:47So what are these holes about?
16:48There was lighting under all the cupboards.
16:50That's where old wires came out.
16:52What happened?
16:53This piece is missing.
16:56We made a mistake cutting the countertop.
16:59Wait, so you put this in?
17:00Yes.
17:01We're weighing in it.
17:02That's hilarious.
17:03Okay.
17:04Where are we headed next?
17:05We'll go down the hallway to the main bedroom.
17:07Okay.
17:08Look at that.
17:09A curved hallway.
17:10Yeah.
17:11This bedroom really hasn't been touched much.
17:20How do you set up a bed in a room with leaning walls?
17:24Yeah.
17:25It doesn't go against the wall.
17:27This is annoying.
17:28Yeah.
17:29I mean, come on, guy.
17:31Seems a little off-kilter, like the walls.
17:36Okay, the en suite.
17:38There's no doors.
17:40We got carpet in the bathroom, too.
17:42Ugh.
17:43And look how low this is.
17:46Oh, my God.
17:47I don't know if I'll be able to get up.
17:49And you can watch yourself everywhere.
17:51Yeah.
17:52And there's no door.
17:53No.
17:54No door.
17:55I'm not interested in participating in your visit to the toilet.
18:00Give me a door.
18:02You have a lot of...
18:03Right.
18:04Wasted space behind?
18:05Yeah.
18:06I mean, yeah.
18:07Oh, God.
18:08Next, we are going to head downstairs.
18:12Downstairs.
18:13Got it.
18:14Lower level.
18:15Let's make our way down.
18:20Oh, would you look at this round TV room?
18:24This is our rec room, we say.
18:26But it's like being outside.
18:27Yes.
18:28The wallpaper is layered.
18:29They put wallpaper on top of wallpaper to create the 3D-type effect.
18:33That's a lot of work to not be able to see it.
18:34Right.
18:35Not worth it.
18:36Okay.
18:37Thank you for showing me your home.
18:38I'm going to wish you good luck.
18:40And perhaps I'll talk to you soon.
18:41All right.
18:42Bye.
18:43Bye.
18:44That was close encounters of the worst kind.
18:54The appearance is round walls, round windows, round floors, round cabinets.
19:01It's a spaceship.
19:02Functionally, the curving messes with the functionality.
19:05They can't lay their own bed against the wall.
19:08And the customized kitchen is impossible to change without looking like a hat job.
19:12The surprise?
19:13What?
19:14Other than the cat?
19:15The bees.
19:16They don't help.
19:18Great Lakes?
19:19Ha ha.
19:20Hate Lakes.
19:21And so the Great Lakes region has three contenders with great amounts of ugly.
19:29But only one house can move on for a chance at that $150,000 home renovation by Allison Victoria.
19:36Great Lakes region, your claim to fame may be your lakes, but if you ask me, your ugly was a sight to behold.
19:43Seriously?
19:44What is going on?
19:45This is my nightmare.
19:46And while all three contenders were ugly enough to make a splash, only one house can rise above the rest.
19:53It's between a pretend boat.
19:55The house was built to be exactly like a boat.
19:58I just thought it was like shoddy workmanship, but no.
20:01It was the plan.
20:02A carpeted catastrophe where you definitely don't want to stop and smell the roses.
20:06This cutting board, that's a wooden Petri dish right there.
20:10As if you didn't buy this place.
20:12It's like, whoa.
20:13An around spaceship-like house that's more like a waste of space.
20:17You can watch yourself everywhere.
20:19And there's no door.
20:20No.
20:21No door.
20:23Okay, folks.
20:24You know what time it is.
20:25I get to tell some folks.
20:27They've made it to the next round.
20:38Shannon and Russ.
20:40Hi, Rhett.
20:41How are you?
20:42How are you?
20:43Fantastic.
20:44I just wanted to give you a shout out because you're the ugliest house in the Great Lakes.
20:49No.
20:50No.
20:51That's fantastic.
20:52You are now one step closer to the renovation by Alice and Victoria, so maybe we can get those stairs to nowhere somewhere.
21:01Thank you so much.
21:02Thanks for calling.
21:03Bye, guys.
21:04Congratulations, Carpet Castle.
21:05You had a kind of ugly I wish I could unsee and unsmell.
21:11But the eternal question remains, are you ugly enough to win it all?
21:16Because there's still more ugly houses to see.
21:19And then it's your time to shine.
21:21Okay.
21:22Okay.
21:23Okay.
21:24Okay.
21:25This is a bit much.
21:26I don't even know that we need to leave this room.
21:28You're a mess.
21:30You're a mess.
21:31You're a mess.