Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:30Oh, God.
00:00:32Hello?
00:00:37Cheryl, we have to talk about our birthday plans.
00:00:40I mean, it's only two days away, and we still haven't decided the perfect way to celebrate.
00:00:44So, I was thinking, maybe we could all take a trip to...
00:00:48Sue, um, I meant to tell you before, but I wanted to be sure.
00:00:52Um, I think I'm gonna spend my birthday with Jake.
00:00:55Uh, I'm gonna lose my virginity to him.
00:00:58You know, I want to surprise him.
00:01:00What? But you can't.
00:01:02I mean, I thought we were going to wait until marriage.
00:01:05Besides, you can't do that to us.
00:01:07You can't break tradition that way.
00:01:09This is bad.
00:01:11You know, I'm gonna tell Lexi.
00:01:13She's gonna be very unhappy about this.
00:01:22Come on, Lexi.
00:01:28Let's go.
00:01:37So, girls, what are we gonna do for our birthday?
00:01:40Sue, we have plenty of time to figure something out.
00:01:45But this is the big one-eight.
00:01:47I mean, every year since our moms met in the hospital, we've done something new and special.
00:01:51But this has to be newer and more special.
00:01:54So, what's something we've never done before?
00:01:57Mushrooms?
00:01:58No, not like that. Like something nice.
00:02:01Like maybe a trip.
00:02:03Like a mushroom trip?
00:02:05No.
00:02:07Sorry, Sue. I have a date.
00:02:10So do I.
00:02:12Sorry, Sue.
00:02:13Don't worry, Sue. We'll figure it out.
00:02:17Oh, flowers. Are these from you?
00:02:19Yeah, sure.
00:02:21Here you go.
00:02:23No card, but I thought I saw one.
00:02:26I didn't know how to put my feelings into words.
00:02:29I guess, um...
00:02:31you still make me nervous.
00:02:34Oh, Jake.
00:02:38I'm sorry.
00:02:40I'm sorry.
00:02:42I'm sorry.
00:02:45Maybe I should come in and hang out for a minute.
00:02:48Uh, no, Jake. Not yet.
00:02:50When we do it, I want it to be really special.
00:02:52The best night of my life.
00:02:54It will be. I promise.
00:02:56It'll always be amazing. With you and me.
00:02:59Together.
00:03:08Jake, no. I have to go. I have to work on my art project.
00:03:12You know, I thought art was going to be a really easy elective,
00:03:15but I guess I should have taken more math.
00:03:18Uh, so you're going to come to my birthday, okay?
00:03:21The Saturday?
00:03:23Of course.
00:03:27Thanks.
00:03:29Okay. Bye.
00:03:32Oh, baby. You're so hot.
00:03:34I'm going to do you so good.
00:03:36Oh, yeah, baby.
00:03:38What was your name again?
00:03:40Rod. Sex guy.
00:03:45Lexi is so upset, she's speechless.
00:03:49Yeah, right. I bet.
00:03:51I bet.
00:03:53I bet.
00:03:55I bet.
00:03:57I bet.
00:03:59Yeah, right. I bet.
00:04:06Cheryl's losing her virginity on Saturday?
00:04:09Oh, no.
00:04:11Do not compute.
00:04:13Want to talk in person ASAP.
00:04:18Oh, hi.
00:04:21When did you get home?
00:04:23So, is it true?
00:04:25Yes, it is.
00:04:27It's the right time, and Jake's the right man.
00:04:30I mean, he's handsome and smart and wealthy,
00:04:35and he has a really bright future ahead of him.
00:04:37So I just think it's the right time.
00:04:40Lexi, tell her.
00:04:42Losing our virginity is one of those milestones we should all face together.
00:04:45On our birthday, yes, but not on this birthday.
00:04:47Like, maybe on our 23rd birthday.
00:04:50Or maybe even, like, our 29th.
00:04:52Eight. Maybe.
00:04:56Listen, guys, I know it's tradition, but...
00:04:59I'm sorry.
00:05:03I know it's tradition, but...
00:05:05I'm sorry.
00:05:11But, Cheryl, Sue is right.
00:05:14We do always do something special on our birthday.
00:05:17Does Jake really have such a tiny little needle dip?
00:05:21It's not Jake. It's the male ideal.
00:05:24Like a Greek god or Sue's dad.
00:05:28Right.
00:05:30Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:05:32I mean, it kind of sucks. I'm not really an artist.
00:05:35Girls, can you just stop changing the subject?
00:05:37The point is, we should all lose our virginities together on the same day.
00:05:41And I'm just not ready yet.
00:05:43I'm waiting for a sign, and then I'll know it's right.
00:05:46Look, I can go either way.
00:05:48I mean, I'm fine with just 69, 79, anal.
00:05:52I don't feel any rush to actually do the deed.
00:05:55Besides, I know it'll never live up to my rabbit anyway.
00:05:59But if you want to do it this year, then maybe we all should.
00:06:04You know, it could be like our big 18th birthday thing.
00:06:10Where are you going at 6.30 in the morning?
00:06:13To church. To pray for you.
00:06:15I want to be first in line.
00:06:17I'm getting this is...
00:06:19Yeah, me too.
00:06:22Okay.
00:06:30Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
00:06:32It has been four days since my last confession.
00:06:34I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:06:36Mm-hmm.
00:06:38Okay, so I'm really embarrassed to talk about this, but...
00:06:42It's about sex.
00:06:44Mm-hmm.
00:06:46I mean, not me. I've never gone past second base with a guy.
00:06:51I've never even seen a guy's...
00:06:53Well, there was that one time I took the pants off my Ken doll.
00:06:56But I was dressing him up as Jesus,
00:06:58and I wanted to see his thing, but there was nothing there.
00:07:04Okay, so it's about my friends.
00:07:06My best friends.
00:07:08They're going to do something really bad this weekend.
00:07:10Okay. Third base.
00:07:13What? No.
00:07:15Like, sex. Like, intercourse.
00:07:18With boys, they barely even know.
00:07:20I mean, they really need us' intervention, if you know what I mean.
00:07:23All the way. Go all the way.
00:07:26What are you...
00:07:30Ah!
00:07:32How could you do this?
00:07:34You're a bad, bad person.
00:07:38What?
00:07:44Yes. Yes!
00:07:46Run! Run!
00:07:48Home run!
00:07:50Damn it!
00:07:52Fucking Yankees.
00:07:56Sorry.
00:08:17Sue, it is 1 p.m.
00:08:20Would you have a little consideration?
00:08:22I'm trying to sleep.
00:08:24Jeez, can you guys please keep it down?
00:08:27I have an announcement to make.
00:08:29I want to do it.
00:08:31Do you hear me? I want to do it.
00:08:34This weekend.
00:08:36On our birthday.
00:08:38Do what?
00:08:40It. Screw.
00:08:42Screwing, boning, making the beast with two backs.
00:08:45You know, shagging, fucking.
00:08:49You do.
00:08:51But what about all your religious stuff?
00:08:53And what about your sign from heaven?
00:08:56Oh, I got a sign. At church.
00:08:58Really?
00:09:00Well, okay, great.
00:09:02We're all in then.
00:09:04So we'll have a big pool party, and we'll do it there.
00:09:07Right?
00:09:09Right.
00:09:11I'll start making the shopping list.
00:09:15Okay.
00:09:21Hey, Frank.
00:09:23Hi, Sue.
00:09:25Guys, we didn't invite Frank to the party.
00:09:27I don't know. Do you think he'd even have fun?
00:09:29Yeah, he's blind.
00:09:31Blind people can do everything regular people can do.
00:09:37We'll be back.
00:09:39Hey.
00:09:41I was wondering, we're throwing this party tomorrow night.
00:09:44It's for our birthday. Do you want to come?
00:09:46Do you think he can see up my short?
00:10:00Well, the house looks done.
00:10:02Tomorrow's the big day.
00:10:04We finally turn 18.
00:10:06And finally lose our virginity.
00:10:08Well, we better get our beady sleep,
00:10:10because the party starts tomorrow at 2.
00:10:12So, okay, we know who Cheryl's going to do it with.
00:10:14Jake.
00:10:16And I'll probably do that guy, Rod.
00:10:18But Sue, who are you going to pick to pop your chain?
00:10:20It's easy.
00:10:22I've known for the past six years, ever since catechism.
00:10:26What the fuck is catechism?
00:10:28I think it's a baby panda wrapped in peanut butter.
00:10:38My soulmate.
00:10:42Chris?
00:10:44Sue, you, um,
00:10:46might want to think about picking a backup.
00:10:48I mean...
00:10:50What? No, Chris is perfect.
00:10:52He played Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar last year at camp.
00:10:54Plus, his name's Chris. It's a sign.
00:10:56Sue, the only sign
00:10:58is that Chris has a major case of gay face.
00:11:02What? He does not.
00:11:04Anyway, there's no such thing as gay face.
00:11:06He looks just like Justin Bieber.
00:11:08With a little bit of Zac Efron
00:11:10Just a hint of Ryan Seacrest.
00:11:12Who the fuck's Ryan Seacrest?
00:11:14Look, Chris is my soulmate.
00:11:18Okay, well, sweet dreams.
00:11:20See you in the morning.
00:11:28I knew it would happen someday.
00:11:30I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.
00:11:40You're so perfect.
00:12:10You're so perfect.
00:12:34I knew that's what I look like.
00:12:40I knew that's what I look like.
00:12:52Too bad no one could ever compare to you.
00:12:54Too bad no one could ever compare to you.
00:13:10Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:24Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:30Oh my gosh.
00:13:32They're coming.
00:13:34Lexi, Cheryl, hurry!
00:13:38Ew, why?
00:13:40It's for Jake to unwrap me.
00:13:42It's gonna be really sexy.
00:13:44I'm gonna sweat.
00:13:46You're gonna die of asphyxiation.
00:13:48It's gonna be really sexy.
00:13:50It's stupid. Just screw him.
00:13:52Come on. Who hurt you as a child?
00:13:54Oh, Christ.
00:13:56Can I wrap your mouth, too?
00:13:58Anyway, what guys want is someone who's sexy,
00:14:00not someone they can just have sex with.
00:14:02You're an idiot.
00:14:04A very smooth, plastic-wrapped idiot.
00:14:08Guys, seriously, come on. Hurry up.
00:14:14Oh, what a cool bracelet!
00:14:16I love it!
00:14:18Um...
00:14:20Can you put that down, though?
00:14:22It's very fragile.
00:14:28Those are your anal beads, right?
00:14:30Yeah.
00:14:50What is that?
00:14:52Whoa!
00:14:54Oh, we're gonna have some fun.
00:14:56Oh, Attack of the Wet T-shirts.
00:14:58Nice!
00:15:06Happy birthday, Lex.
00:15:10Oh, Joanna, we said no gifts.
00:15:12That is lip poison
00:15:14to plump your lips,
00:15:16but be careful, it stings.
00:15:18And this is edible massage oil.
00:15:20Oh, how did you know?
00:15:22I mean, I'm gonna use both of these tonight.
00:15:30Oh, sir, such a cutie.
00:15:32Please don't touch my service dog.
00:15:34All right, sorry.
00:15:36Are you okay now?
00:15:38Yeah, I'm fine, thank you.
00:15:44Jake!
00:15:46Hey, Ben.
00:15:48Happy birthday.
00:15:50Oh, you didn't have to give me anything.
00:15:52What?
00:15:54You want a beer?
00:15:58No.
00:16:02Oh, hon.
00:16:06I have your present here.
00:16:08I'll give it to you later,
00:16:10when the time's right.
00:16:12You didn't have to get me anything.
00:16:14And I have a present for you
00:16:16that I want you to unwrap later.
00:16:20Hey, Ralph,
00:16:22we need you to settle this bet over here real quick.
00:16:24What bet?
00:16:28All right, this is my man right here.
00:16:30Hey.
00:16:32How you doing?
00:16:34Hi.
00:16:36Check it out.
00:16:38Dare me?
00:16:44Woo-hoo!
00:16:52Look at that.
00:16:56Oh, dude, look at those.
00:16:58Are those real?
00:17:00Have you guys seen Cheryl?
00:17:02Hey!
00:17:04Hey!
00:17:06Move!
00:17:08Oh, all right, okay.
00:17:10I'll see you guys later.
00:17:12Go do some push-ups or something.
00:17:1420 bucks says by the end of the day
00:17:16I will be motorboating those titties.
00:17:18They're fake anyways.
00:17:20Who cares?
00:17:22Okay.
00:17:26Oh, dude, dude.
00:17:28I'm blind, you fucking asshole.
00:17:30Sue, no, it's your birthday.
00:17:32Here, let me.
00:17:34Joanna, no, just go enjoy the party.
00:17:36Come on.
00:17:38I win.
00:17:40Hey.
00:17:42Do my lips look any plumper?
00:17:44I put this stuff on, but I can't really feel anything yet.
00:17:46Have you guys seen Jake?
00:17:48I haven't seen him anywhere.
00:17:50He just, like, disappeared.
00:18:00Are these real?
00:18:02Of course they are.
00:18:04How come I've never met you before?
00:18:06I don't know, maybe he's gonna be around.
00:18:08Ryan, have you seen Jake?
00:18:10Um, I think he's around or something.
00:18:12Maybe upstairs, I don't know.
00:18:14Oh.
00:18:16Maybe he went to go get my birthday present.
00:18:18That's probably where he went.
00:18:24Liquid courage?
00:18:26Yeah.
00:18:28Atta girl.
00:18:32Vodka cranberry?
00:18:34Shirley Temple.
00:18:36Well, I guess it's now or never.
00:18:38I'd go meet Rod.
00:18:40Sue, are you okay?
00:18:42Sue, relax.
00:18:44They're just lies.
00:18:46Okay, nothing to be scared of, seriously.
00:18:48You're gonna be fine.
00:18:50Is Chris here?
00:18:52Wow.
00:18:56Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:18:58No, he does not have gay face.
00:19:00I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:19:02I'm gonna do it.
00:19:08Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:19:10No, he does not have gay face.
00:19:12I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:19:14I'm gonna do it.
00:19:16I'm gonna do this.
00:19:18Good luck.
00:19:20Oh, my God.
00:19:22Hey, you can do this.
00:19:24Just act like a slut.
00:19:28Just pretend.
00:19:30Good luck, Sue.
00:19:38Yeah, my favorite chapter is Psalm and Glory.
00:19:40Chris.
00:19:42Hi.
00:19:44Can I talk to you?
00:19:46In private?
00:19:48Yeah.
00:20:00Hey, Lexi.
00:20:02Hey, Lexi.
00:20:04What?
00:20:06Chris, you're so sexy.
00:20:08Ever since you played Jesus at camp,
00:20:10I've just...
00:20:12I've known that we were meant to be together.
00:20:14And I really want to...
00:20:18Sue, what are you doing?
00:20:20Is that wrong?
00:20:22Sue, what's gotten into you?
00:20:24Nothing. I'm sorry. I don't know how to do this.
00:20:26Sue.
00:20:28Sue, Sue, Sue.
00:20:30I understand
00:20:32these urges.
00:20:34And, you know,
00:20:36I like you, too.
00:20:38Really? You do?
00:20:40I do. I really do.
00:20:42I like you, too.
00:20:44Really? You do?
00:20:46I do. I really do.
00:20:48It's just...
00:20:50I've devoted a lot of my life
00:20:52to one certain man.
00:20:54Right.
00:20:56Lexi said you were...
00:20:58Jesus.
00:21:00Oh, that man.
00:21:02Of course. What did you think?
00:21:04Oh, nothing.
00:21:06So we can still do this, then?
00:21:08Oh, Sue.
00:21:10You know,
00:21:12for me,
00:21:14when I think about that man
00:21:16who died for our sins,
00:21:18when I think about him
00:21:20up there on that cross,
00:21:22so helpless, yet so...
00:21:24muscular,
00:21:26with his strong
00:21:28thighs
00:21:30crossed over each other
00:21:32so delicately
00:21:34beneath that ragged
00:21:36loincloth,
00:21:38growing so hot,
00:21:40so sweaty under that hot,
00:21:42hot sun,
00:21:44I just feel such
00:21:46compassion.
00:21:48I think about those things, too.
00:21:50So you understand why
00:21:52I can't do this?
00:21:54Not really.
00:21:56I just find it too hard.
00:21:58It is to give in to
00:22:00carnal pleasure when
00:22:02he sacrificed so much for us.
00:22:04So...
00:22:12I'm gonna go out there, right?
00:22:14Yeah, we're gonna totally throw these on.
00:22:16Whoa!
00:22:18Have you seen Jake?
00:22:20Uh, no. No.
00:22:22All right.
00:22:24Okay.
00:22:26All right, focus, focus, focus.
00:22:34Oh, there he is.
00:22:38Oh, he got me the puppy that I wanted.
00:22:40Oh, he got me the puppy that I wanted.
00:22:54How could he?
00:23:00Sue, what happened? Did you guys do it?
00:23:02Sue?
00:23:04He doesn't want me.
00:23:06Because he's gay.
00:23:08He's not. He just really loves Jesus.
00:23:10Oh, come on, Sue.
00:23:12The only reason you even liked him
00:23:14is because you knew he was never a real possibility
00:23:16for you?
00:23:18Look, the only way
00:23:20you're gonna find out what kind of man you really want
00:23:22is to know what kind of woman you really are
00:23:24deep inside.
00:23:26What?
00:23:28Come with me.
00:23:30Where?
00:23:32To meet your dark side.
00:23:38Out.
00:23:40Everyone out.
00:23:50Sue, it's time for you and your vagina
00:23:52to meet face-to-face.
00:24:04I really can't.
00:24:06I really don't think I can do this.
00:24:08I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:14I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:18Sue?
00:24:20Can you see it?
00:24:22Sue?
00:24:26I'm almost...
00:24:28I'm almost there.
00:24:32Oh!
00:24:34What?
00:24:36What? Sue, what happened?
00:24:38What did you see?
00:24:40A raccoon?
00:24:42What?
00:24:44You overshot it. Aim the mirror further up.
00:24:52I can't. Please don't make me do that again.
00:24:54Okay, fine. Fine.
00:24:56I didn't want to do this,
00:24:58but you leave me no choice.
00:25:00What?
00:25:02You have at least one orgasm.
00:25:04Honestly, I don't know how you expected
00:25:06to ever have sex with someone else
00:25:08when you've never even had it with yourself.
00:25:10This really has to be your first step.
00:25:12Lex, I'm waiting.
00:25:14Coming.
00:25:16Sue, my black vibrator is somewhere in the top drawer.
00:25:18Just find it and use it.
00:25:20Wait. What does a black vibrator look like?
00:25:22It's black. It vibrates.
00:25:24Come on, Rod.
00:25:26Let's go to Sue's room.
00:25:28And don't come back
00:25:30for another orgasm.
00:25:42Hey, cutie! Cutie!
00:25:48Bullseye!
00:25:50Oh, yeah!
00:25:54Bang. Bang.
00:25:56Bang.
00:25:58Good boy. Straighten up.
00:26:00Good boy. Good boy.
00:26:02He knows over 100 commands.
00:26:06I'm sorry. I can't see anything.
00:26:08That is not funny, Cheryl.
00:26:10What a bitch.
00:26:12Fortunately, when you're blind, you get used to things like that.
00:26:28Clear.
00:26:42Oh, shit.
00:26:48What's wrong with this thing?
00:26:50Nice shot.
00:26:52Direct hit.
00:26:58Oh, shit.
00:27:06Cheryl, what is wrong?
00:27:08Lexi, it's Jake.
00:27:10He was getting a blowjob
00:27:12by some pink-eared girl.
00:27:14For sure?
00:27:16I mean, I know I've been putting off having sex with him,
00:27:18so maybe it's my fault.
00:27:20That's no excuse. He's a dirtbag.
00:27:22How dare he?
00:27:24No, it's awful.
00:27:26I'm not gonna marry him.
00:27:32It's a text.
00:27:34It's from him. I can't bear myself to read it.
00:27:36Okay.
00:27:38He's looking for you.
00:27:40He wants to give you your birthday gift.
00:27:42Oh, I can't face him.
00:27:44I have to go. I'm going.
00:27:46No, you can't just leave.
00:27:48Well, I can't stay and just pretend like nothing happened.
00:27:50I mean, maybe I should confront him.
00:27:52No. He'll either deny it or admit
00:27:54it. Either way, it's bullshit.
00:27:56I see only one option.
00:27:58I'm leaving.
00:28:00Revenge sex.
00:28:02What? What does that even mean?
00:28:04It means you find a guy, you screw his brains out,
00:28:06and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:10Revenge sex.
00:28:12What? What does that even mean?
00:28:14It means you find a guy, you screw his brains out,
00:28:16and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:18But he... I mean, he doesn't even care.
00:28:20He doesn't even care about me.
00:28:22He's just into other girls.
00:28:24Trust me. He'll care.
00:28:26Seriously, this is the worst thing you could do to him.
00:28:28To his ego.
00:28:30To screw someone else when you've never even had sex
00:28:32with him.
00:28:34Especially if it's with someone smarter, better looking,
00:28:36and with a bigger dick.
00:28:38No, I couldn't.
00:28:40Plus, I mean, there's
00:28:42no one smarter and better looking.
00:28:44Eric.
00:28:46He's perfect. Eric Hall?
00:28:48Are you kidding?
00:28:50He wouldn't even be into me. He likes your type.
00:28:52Really? And what type is that?
00:28:54He's slutty.
00:28:56Yeah. Trust me,
00:28:58he's amazing. I fooled around with him once.
00:29:00He has this great tongue, right?
00:29:02Oh, no. I could never fool around with
00:29:04somebody you've fooled around with.
00:29:06Okay, then. Fine. We will find someone else.
00:29:08Someone that I haven't
00:29:10fooled around with.
00:29:14Okay, what does it matter
00:29:16that I fooled around with him? I mean, it's like you're not gonna
00:29:18marry the guy.
00:29:20No, I just couldn't do it. Fine.
00:29:22If you want to live the rest of your life
00:29:24knowing that you had one chance to do the right thing
00:29:26to make your boyfriend feel like a total
00:29:28worthless piece of garbage and possibly
00:29:30even scar him with the rest of his existence
00:29:32and you chose not to do it,
00:29:34go ahead. But honestly,
00:29:36I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:29:38I don't know.
00:29:42But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able to live
00:29:44with yourself.
00:29:46I don't know.
00:29:48Trust me. It's going to work.
00:29:54I will intercept Jake
00:29:56and get him upstairs.
00:29:58Hi, Cheryl.
00:30:00Okay, enough chit-chat.
00:30:02Oh, no.
00:30:04Hey.
00:30:12Hey.
00:30:14Happy birthday.
00:30:16Thanks.
00:30:34Have you guys seen Jake?
00:30:40So,
00:30:42happy birthday.
00:30:46Do you know that most people think that the
00:30:48happy birthday song was from Britain?
00:30:50But it's actually from us, US.
00:30:52America?
00:30:56United States?
00:30:58I know where we live.
00:31:00Right.
00:31:02I know where we live.
00:31:04Right.
00:31:08I know where we live.
00:31:10Right.
00:31:16Hey, Jesus, Eric, are you going to make your move or not?
00:31:18Oh, you want me to move?
00:31:20Yeah, no, I can totally move.
00:31:22No, you're fine.
00:31:33Jake!
00:31:37So, Eric, do you want to do it or not?
00:31:39Oh, I'm sorry.
00:31:41It? What, um...
00:31:43It. Like,
00:31:45monkey bone in and, like,
00:31:47pigs in a blanket
00:31:49get real nasty.
00:31:51Oh, oh, you mean, like,
00:31:53uh, right now?
00:31:55I mean, well,
00:31:57yeah, you know, the sooner the better.
00:31:59Yeah, sure.
00:32:01I mean, yeah, of course.
00:32:03I just never realized that you...
00:32:05I mean...
00:32:07Whew.
00:32:09Uh...
00:32:11It's just...
00:32:13You're so...
00:32:15You're so beautiful.
00:32:17Okay, um...
00:32:19Uh, no kissing.
00:32:21Right, um,
00:32:23of course. Sorry.
00:32:27So, um...
00:32:29Do you want to unwrap me?
00:32:31Oh, wow.
00:32:33Uh, you wrapped up like a Hot Pocket
00:32:35or a leftover macaroni and cheese.
00:32:37Now that you're leftover, you're not.
00:32:39Uh, you're fresh.
00:32:43Now that you're leftover, you're not.
00:32:45Uh, you're fresh.
00:32:47Organic.
00:32:49Yep.
00:32:51So the wrap.
00:32:53Right.
00:32:55Um, where's the, uh...
00:32:57It's, uh, the end is...
00:32:59The edge is, like, right over here.
00:33:01Oh, oh, yeah, here it is. I see it.
00:33:03Um, let me just, uh...
00:33:05Ow, ow, ow.
00:33:07Oh, sorry. Sorry, sorry.
00:33:09It's okay.
00:33:11Do it again.
00:33:13Sorry, I, uh, I bit my nails,
00:33:15so it's a little difficult to...
00:33:17You know what? Let me just lay you on the bed.
00:33:19Okay.
00:33:21Uh...
00:33:23Let me just see.
00:33:25Oh, here it is. I got it.
00:33:27All right, just, um, pull it.
00:33:29Let me just...
00:33:31Ah!
00:33:33Oh, jeez. Uh, Cheryl, are you...
00:33:35Are you okay?
00:33:37Uh...
00:33:39Hey, Cheryl, are you okay?
00:33:41Oh, jeez.
00:33:43Here.
00:33:45Here.
00:33:47Here.
00:33:49Here.
00:33:53Well, that was stupid.
00:33:55Yeah.
00:34:01How you doing tonight?
00:34:03Having a good time?
00:34:05Jake, I think I saw
00:34:07Cheryl upstairs.
00:34:09What? I can't hear you.
00:34:11Give me another beer.
00:34:13Chips are so damn salty.
00:34:15Jake!
00:34:17Upstairs. Yeah.
00:34:19Hold on. I'll take a piss.
00:34:21How much beer?
00:34:35Ah!
00:34:37Ah!
00:34:39Ah!
00:34:41Ah!
00:34:45Ah!
00:34:49Finally.
00:34:51I, uh,
00:34:53let me just get the blinds.
00:34:55Oh, no, no.
00:34:57Don't worry about it.
00:34:59What?
00:35:01I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:03Oh.
00:35:05Well, okay.
00:35:07Okay.
00:35:15Finally, I uh, let me just get the blinds.
00:35:24Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, um, don't, don't worry about it.
00:35:28What?
00:35:29I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:32Oh, well, okay.
00:35:36Okay.
00:35:37Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:35:44yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:35:48yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:35:51yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:35:53yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:35:54yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:35:55yeah, yeah.
00:36:22What are you doing?
00:36:24I think it's time, you know, to do it.
00:36:30Um, not yet. More foreplay.
00:36:32Huh? Oh.
00:36:34Ah!
00:36:36Ah!
00:36:38Ah!
00:36:39So good.
00:36:42Ah.
00:36:44Yep.
00:36:45Oh, my jaw.
00:36:47Jaw, jaw, jaw.
00:36:48What? What?
00:36:49Ah! Ah! Oh!
00:36:51Ah, it's too hot.
00:36:53Lock jaw, lock jaw.
00:36:54Is that even a thing?
00:36:57I don't know.
00:36:59Ah.
00:37:00Are you okay?
00:37:04No, no, no, no, no, it's, uh, it's fine.
00:37:06I'm just, uh, I'm embarrassed.
00:37:09I, it's probably TNJ or fracture or swollen.
00:37:15You sure you're okay?
00:37:17Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
00:37:18Okay, great. Have fun.
00:37:20Oh.
00:37:23Oh.
00:37:26Now, now, let's do it now.
00:37:27No, not yet, not yet.
00:37:31All right, I'm gonna come, I'm gonna come, are you ready?
00:37:33No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:37:36No, no, no, not yet.
00:37:37Lexi! Lexi!
00:37:38Oh!
00:37:40Oh!
00:37:43Oh, no.
00:37:44No, no, no, not yet.
00:37:45Lexi! Lexi!
00:37:46Oh!
00:37:47Oh!
00:37:48No means no.
00:37:49Huh? Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:37:52I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
00:37:53It's been a really long time,
00:37:54and I just, I haven't masturbated or anything.
00:37:59Uh-oh.
00:38:02Oh, hey, Jake.
00:38:05How you doing?
00:38:07How's it going?
00:38:08Good.
00:38:09Eric?
00:38:10Come.
00:38:11Eric, help me.
00:38:12I'm blind.
00:38:13I can't see anything.
00:38:14Excuse me.
00:38:18Cheryl's in here.
00:38:21Hey.
00:38:24What's up, bro?
00:38:25What the fuck is that?
00:38:28Hey, wait.
00:38:31Lex, babe, still waiting.
00:38:39Oh, I'm sorry.
00:38:40I can't see.
00:38:41I'm blind.
00:38:43Damn it.
00:38:44I'm going to say something to that bitch.
00:38:47Hey, you.
00:38:49You better stop making fun of the blind,
00:38:51or I'm going to teach you a lesson.
00:38:54I'm so sorry.
00:38:56I'll never make fun of the blind again.
00:38:59Hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:39:18Oh, man.
00:39:21No more water balloons.
00:39:23This party's ass.
00:39:27Yeah!
00:39:32This just isn't working.
00:39:35Nothing.
00:39:36What's the big deal about these vibrators anyway?
00:39:41Lock your character, man.
00:39:42Watch this.
00:39:43Spark it up.
00:39:45Yes!
00:39:48Oh, man!
00:39:50I love this game!
00:39:51Where are the controllers?
00:39:52We gotta put it here.
00:39:53Here, here, here.
00:39:54Okay, let me find another one.
00:39:55Target locked on.
00:39:58Whoa!
00:40:00Look at this!
00:40:03Pew, pew, pew!
00:40:04Oh, man!
00:40:05Get that thing away!
00:40:06Jesus!
00:40:14Hey, dude.
00:40:15Nice shot.
00:40:16Wasn't me.
00:40:22Whoa!
00:40:23Whoa!
00:40:25Are you sitting on it or something?
00:40:28Hey, you found the grenade launcher.
00:40:29Nice!
00:40:30Nice!
00:40:42Do you have the extra controller?
00:40:54Whoa!
00:40:56You are the controller.
00:40:58No, I just...
00:41:00I didn't...
00:41:01I swear, I...
00:41:13Hey, it's Sue.
00:41:14What's going on, man?
00:41:18It's okay.
00:41:19Hey, it's Sue.
00:41:25What?
00:41:30Hey, didn't you hear me calling you?
00:41:32Yeah, I just needed to...
00:41:34Um...
00:41:35Oh, sure.
00:41:37Listen, Sue, I...
00:41:39I was rethinking what I said earlier.
00:41:42You were?
00:41:43You mean...
00:41:46Yeah.
00:41:49So you think we should give it a try?
00:41:52Can we go get a drink?
00:41:56Wow!
00:41:57Your toilet's really...
00:42:01Do you know what?
00:42:02I gotta go.
00:42:03Happy birthday.
00:42:04No, Chris!
00:42:05No, that wasn't...
00:42:06I didn't...
00:42:07God, never mind.
00:42:21This was the worst idea ever.
00:42:23Never going to have sex.
00:42:26Ow.
00:42:45Hello?
00:42:46A little attention here.
00:42:48Oh, yeah.
00:42:49Sorry.
00:42:52Thanks.
00:42:55Max.
00:42:56Don't be selfish.
00:42:57Oh, right.
00:42:58Sorry.
00:43:11Jeez.
00:43:13Who invented this stupid position, anyway?
00:43:15Too much fucking multitasking.
00:43:18Screw it.
00:43:21Let's go.
00:43:51Oh.
00:43:52Oh.
00:43:53Oh.
00:43:54Oh.
00:43:55Oh.
00:43:56Oh.
00:43:57Oh.
00:43:58Oh.
00:43:59No.
00:44:00That was bad.
00:44:01That was so bad.
00:44:15Joanna?
00:44:16Do you know a guy named JJ?
00:44:19I think that guy's name starts with a J.
00:44:24Hey.
00:44:26Does your name start with a J?
00:44:28Yes, it does.
00:44:30So you're JJ?
00:44:32Uh-uh.
00:44:49Hello.
00:44:50Welcome to 1-900-CONFESS.
00:44:52Would you like a priest or a nun today?
00:44:54A nun.
00:44:55Please punch in your credit card number.
00:45:02Please hold.
00:45:03Oh, thank goodness.
00:45:071-900-CONFESSION.
00:45:08How may I be of service?
00:45:10It's been one day since I've had sex.
00:45:12I'm sorry.
00:45:13I'm sorry.
00:45:14I'm sorry.
00:45:15I'm sorry.
00:45:16I'm sorry.
00:45:17It's been one day since my last confession.
00:45:19I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:45:21One day.
00:45:29Is that too long?
00:45:30I would have come this morning, but it's my 18th birthday.
00:45:33Go on.
00:45:35Okay, well, I've been touching myself inappropriately.
00:45:38Well, actually, I didn't.
00:45:39A washing machine did.
00:45:41What's her problem?
00:45:42A washing machine touched her.
00:45:44Well, you know, I sat on a washing machine and, well...
00:45:47All right, freak.
00:45:48Time's up.
00:45:49What?
00:45:50But what do I do?
00:45:51Just unplug the thing.
00:45:53No, but I think I might have had an orgasm.
00:45:56Well, then be happy.
00:45:58You found the perfect man.
00:46:00I'm serious.
00:46:01Look, honey, you seem like a nice young lady, so...
00:46:04I'll tell you this.
00:46:06Masturbation isn't a sin.
00:46:09No contusions?
00:46:11You broke no copy.
00:46:13You broke no covenant with God.
00:46:15It's not in the Bible.
00:46:17So the washing machine could touch me anytime?
00:46:20Like morning, afternoon, night?
00:46:23Yes, and other things can touch you.
00:46:26Accidental masturbation is not a sin.
00:46:28Neither is intentional masturbation.
00:46:31Huh.
00:46:32God's pretty cool that way.
00:46:34He sure is.
00:46:35Now run along.
00:46:39Wow.
00:46:40How do you know all that?
00:46:42Because I'm a nun.
00:46:43Now eat my pussy, bitch.
00:46:46Huh.
00:46:47Accidental masturbation.
00:46:48Who'd have thought?
00:46:58Revenge sex.
00:46:59What a stupid fucking idea.
00:47:01God, I'm getting out of here.
00:47:05Yeah, I admit it.
00:47:06I've got no game.
00:47:09I guess I'll just give it to me.
00:47:10I guess I don't have to.
00:47:15Fucking douchebag.
00:47:17Damn it.
00:47:19I know I have to get laid if it's the last thing I do.
00:47:22You go, girl.
00:47:24What?
00:47:26What are you doing here?
00:47:28We needed some place private.
00:47:30But hey, listen.
00:47:31If you're serious about getting laid...
00:47:33Yeah?
00:47:34If you want someone great...
00:47:35I mean, really, the best ever.
00:47:39No offense.
00:47:41Frank, the blind guy?
00:47:43Really?
00:47:44I'm telling you, he's amazing.
00:47:48I had food sex with him a few weeks ago.
00:47:50It was like nothing I've ever experienced before.
00:47:53It was like we used all our senses.
00:47:55Everything.
00:47:59If you're interested, I'll set it up.
00:48:02All right.
00:48:06What about him?
00:48:08Jeremy.
00:48:09Yeah, I know Jeremy.
00:48:11I think I fooled around with him once.
00:48:13I don't know his last name, though.
00:48:16It's Jones.
00:48:18Jeremy Jones.
00:48:19This all makes sense.
00:48:21Excuse me.
00:48:23Jeremy.
00:48:24Hi.
00:48:25Hey.
00:48:26Who was on the phone?
00:48:27Oh, that's my new girlfriend.
00:48:29You'll meet her.
00:48:30She'll be here in like an hour.
00:48:32Wait, you have a girlfriend?
00:48:34You have a girlfriend?
00:48:48Oh.
00:48:49Hi, Frank.
00:48:51Sit.
00:48:55Oh, you meant...
00:48:57You meant the dog.
00:48:59Relax.
00:49:02You need to relax and calm down.
00:49:13Oh, I'm relaxed. I'm fine.
00:49:16Why are you biting your nail?
00:49:18I'm not.
00:49:21How did you know that?
00:49:25Corner.
00:49:29Sit.
00:49:31Roll over.
00:49:35Oh, you mean me.
00:49:38Roll over.
00:49:42Oh, you mean me.
00:49:44Oh, how do you...
00:49:45How do you want me to...
00:49:47Just lie down.
00:49:49Oh.
00:49:59Oh.
00:50:00I shouldn't even be doing this,
00:50:02but considering it a teachable moment...
00:50:05Okay.
00:50:08Oh.
00:50:11See me with your hands.
00:50:16All right.
00:50:19Okay.
00:50:25You know, I should really...
00:50:26I have a boyfriend and I shouldn't be doing this.
00:50:28Really.
00:50:41Mmm, peanut butter.
00:50:50Oh.
00:50:57Frank, Frank.
00:50:59Oh.
00:51:02Oh, Frank.
00:51:20Yo, man.
00:51:22Yo, give me a chip.
00:51:23My chips, homeboy.
00:51:25Yo, give me a chip, man.
00:51:26My chips.
00:51:27Yo.
00:51:28My chip.
00:51:29Yo, give me a chip.
00:51:30My chips.
00:51:32Guys, why are you making such a mess?
00:51:35Sorry.
00:51:43It's just a mess.
00:51:47It's just a case of accidental masturbation.
00:51:50That's all.
00:51:55Come on, let me do this.
00:51:56Go ahead.
00:51:57I got it.
00:51:58I got it.
00:51:59No, really, please.
00:52:00I want to help.
00:52:01Please.
00:52:03Okay, everybody out.
00:52:05Leave.
00:52:06I have to vacuum.
00:52:09You're not even getting the chips.
00:52:11They're over here.
00:52:13I just...
00:52:14I see some dust over here, so...
00:52:18It's just so much dust on this floor.
00:52:22It's just a dirty floor.
00:52:24Such a dirty...
00:52:26Dirty floor.
00:52:28Dirty.
00:52:29Dirty.
00:52:30Dirty.
00:52:31Dirty.
00:52:32Dirty.
00:52:33Dirty.
00:52:34Dirty.
00:52:35Dirty.
00:52:36Dirty.
00:52:37Dirty floor.
00:52:39Dirty.
00:52:56Okay.
00:52:57Oh.
00:52:58Oh.
00:52:59All right.
00:53:00I think I got all that.
00:53:02I'm just gonna...
00:53:03I'll see you.
00:53:04Oh.
00:53:06Oh.
00:53:07Oh.
00:53:08Oh.
00:53:09Oh.
00:53:10Oh.
00:53:11Oh.
00:53:12Oh.
00:53:13Oh.
00:53:14Oh.
00:53:15Oh.
00:53:16Oh.
00:53:17Oh.
00:53:18Good.
00:53:19Jesus.
00:53:20Cranky.
00:53:21Oh.
00:53:22What was that?
00:53:23What?
00:53:24Oh.
00:53:25Shit.
00:53:26Oh, man, we got a smoky heat.
00:53:27Stop.
00:53:28Frank, stop teasing Frank.
00:53:29Oh, shit.
00:53:30Sorry, man.
00:53:31We're just looking for a place to finish this roach.
00:53:32Oh, I heard something.
00:53:33You want to join us?
00:53:34Uhhh...
00:53:35Come on! You got to do it! Come on!
00:53:37Seriously, guys, I need to go.
00:53:39Where's your dog, man?
00:53:40Dude, what's it like being blinded?
00:53:41It's trippy.
00:53:45Frank?
00:53:47Frank, are we going to do something soon?
00:53:51Bro, you are too funny.
00:53:55Thanks, man.
00:53:57Ooh, this is some good stuff.
00:53:58I haven't smoked since junior high.
00:54:00Dude, I ain't stopped smoking since junior high.
00:54:02Wait, wait, wait.
00:54:04I feel like I was supposed to be doing something.
00:54:08Damn, I really can't remember.
00:54:10This is some good shit.
00:54:29Oh, no.
00:54:30You're the devil.
00:54:32No more.
00:54:36J.J. I'm...
00:54:37Jeremy, you have to remember
00:54:39that amazing time we had together, don't you?
00:54:42Please.
00:54:43Lex, I can't.
00:54:46I mean, I got a girlfriend.
00:54:47I really like this girl.
00:54:49Fine.
00:54:50It's just so sad
00:54:52because I'm wearing this...
00:54:54copeless bra,
00:54:55and I also have on crotchless panties
00:54:59with just a little string of pearl in front
00:55:01for extra stimulation.
00:55:08We've got like 30 minutes before she gets here.
00:55:10Perfect.
00:55:15Before she gets here.
00:55:16Perfect.
00:55:27Let's do it.
00:55:28Let's do it.
00:55:29Fuck me.
00:55:30Fuck me now.
00:55:35What?
00:55:36What's wrong?
00:55:37I can't...
00:55:38I can't get it in.
00:55:40Try down there.
00:55:41It's like desert down there.
00:55:43It's sandpaper.
00:55:44I just...
00:55:45Okay, I get the picture.
00:55:47Just try it again.
00:55:50No.
00:55:51Why is this happening?
00:55:53We fooled around before.
00:55:55I was dripping wet.
00:55:56I came like four times, remember?
00:55:58Just do what you did then.
00:55:59Come on.
00:56:00I already did my thing.
00:56:01I already tried.
00:56:04What?
00:56:05What is different this time?
00:56:07I don't know.
00:56:08Last time...
00:56:12I honestly don't even know what you're talking about.
00:56:14What?
00:56:16You're not JJ?
00:56:18But your name is Jeremy Jones.
00:56:20How can you not be JJ?
00:56:22Who the hell is this JJ?
00:56:25Where are you going?
00:56:26We're not done here.
00:56:28I can still do this.
00:56:29I just need a little bit more.
00:56:30I can do this.
00:56:32I don't need JJ.
00:56:33I don't need anyone else.
00:56:34We can do this.
00:56:37Go team.
00:56:41What?
00:56:42Just keep going.
00:56:48Shit.
00:56:58Where's Jeremy?
00:56:59Hi.
00:57:01We were just...
00:57:04Hey, babe.
00:57:05Just working out.
00:57:10How could you, you bastard?
00:57:15You might want to...
00:57:16What?
00:57:18What?
00:57:22Mariella!
00:57:24Mariella!
00:57:25You know those aren't mine.
00:57:27At least not all of them.
00:57:30What is wrong with you?
00:57:35What is wrong with you?
00:57:38You used to be so pure.
00:57:40Well, no more.
00:57:41That's it.
00:57:42Really, that's the last one.
00:57:57What?
00:58:13Cheryl?
00:58:18What is it?
00:58:19What are you doing down here?
00:58:21Waiting for everyone to leave so I can sneak out and get far, far away from here.
00:58:25What?
00:58:26Why?
00:58:27Nothing.
00:58:28Just this blind guy and his dog.
00:58:32Honey, it's going to be okay.
00:58:34No, it's not okay.
00:58:37God.
00:58:38And you know whose fault it is?
00:58:40I'm sorry.
00:58:41It's Jake's.
00:58:42Jake's fault.
00:58:43That blind, cheating bastard.
00:58:45Yes.
00:58:46He is such a dickwad.
00:58:47You need to confront him.
00:58:49Yeah.
00:58:50Yeah, I need to confront him.
00:58:52I mean, it's my birthday and where is he anyway?
00:58:55Like, why isn't he hanging out with me?
00:58:57You know, you just call him here and give him a big piece of your mind.
00:59:00Yeah, a big piece.
00:59:01A big old chunk of my mind.
00:59:03A big piece of it.
00:59:04Yeah.
00:59:06You know, you might want to...
00:59:08You need to look hot while you break up with him.
00:59:10Yeah, you're right.
00:59:12I'm not wearing a sheet anymore.
00:59:20I'm sorry.
00:59:21I'm sorry.
00:59:23I get shy around beautiful women like you.
00:59:27I got no game.
00:59:35It's not important.
00:59:47Hey, um...
00:59:48Eric, I can't talk right now.
00:59:50No, no, no. I really need to talk to you.
00:59:52Really, Eric, I can't right now.
00:59:54No, no, no.
00:59:55I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier
00:59:58and I'm just embarrassed and I want to make it up to you.
01:00:01Eric, really?
01:00:02I don't care. It's fine.
01:00:04No, but I do.
01:00:05I mean, I do. I care.
01:00:08I haven't known how to tell you.
01:00:10Maybe because, I don't know, I'm a little shy.
01:00:13But I was wondering, or hoping,
01:00:16that we could go out sometime.
01:00:20Soon.
01:00:21Because I'm going to be leaving for a little while
01:00:23and it would be nice to go out...
01:00:25Really? Eric, you're shy.
01:00:27You have no game.
01:00:29No, not really.
01:00:32Yeah, no, I can't do this. Sorry.
01:00:38Okay. Alright.
01:00:40I, uh...
01:00:42Happy birthday, then.
01:00:51I'm sorry. I was trying to kiss your...
01:01:02Wow.
01:01:14You're right. Come on, baby.
01:01:16Get ready for your big birthday surprise.
01:01:19Oh. Eric, stop. We can't do this.
01:01:22Oh, God, Damien. Not again.
01:01:24Oh, no.
01:01:25Honey, happy...
01:01:28The fuck is this?
01:01:29Who the hell are you, dude?
01:01:31Okay, guys, don't.
01:01:36Cheryl.
01:01:37Baby.
01:01:38What is this?
01:01:40Aw, geez, Cheryl.
01:01:42You're...
01:01:43I've been looking for you all night.
01:01:45You're...
01:01:46I've been looking for you all night and you've been...
01:01:49Oh, man, no wonder I couldn't find you.
01:01:51You couldn't find me?
01:01:53What about all those girls' vaginas you were in
01:01:56or your penis getting sucked?
01:01:58Cheryl, honey.
01:01:59No.
01:02:00You can work this out.
01:02:01Baby, I love you.
01:02:03Jake, no. You have to go.
01:02:04Baby, I'll be faithful from now on, please.
01:02:06I promise.
01:02:07No, Jake. I can't do this. I'm sorry.
01:02:10Cheryl, come on.
01:02:11No. Jake, please.
01:02:12Just go. Just go. I'm sorry.
01:02:14You're a heartless bitch!
01:02:16How could you do...
01:02:17Yay! You did it.
01:02:19I'm so proud of you.
01:02:20You got your revenge sex.
01:02:22You left him a mere shell of a man.
01:02:24Revenge sex?
01:02:27It's really not what it sounds like at all.
01:02:30Right.
01:02:32That'll make sense now.
01:02:34Wow, I feel really stupid.
01:02:37Eric, I'm really... I'm really sorry.
01:02:40Cheryl, I really liked you.
01:02:43And you used me.
01:02:45Eric, please don't go.
01:02:46Please, Eric!
01:02:49Aren't you happy?
01:02:52Well, no, that's not exactly how it's supposed to feel like.
01:02:55You mean the sex?
01:02:56Was it...
01:02:57No, he didn't quite do it.
01:02:59Oh.
01:03:00You know, I couldn't seem to do it either.
01:03:02Really?
01:03:03I just never found the right guy.
01:03:04Or guys.
01:03:07Anyway, we better get downstairs.
01:03:08People are starting to leave.
01:03:10I wonder how Sue did.
01:03:13I don't know.
01:03:23I can't believe she dumped me, man.
01:03:24This is bullshit!
01:03:27Oh!
01:03:29Suck it!
01:03:32Get out of here!
01:03:34Yeah!
01:03:35He has good hair, though.
01:03:40Don't you puke on me.
01:03:42Don't puke on my car, either.
01:03:55Oh, Sue, are you alright?
01:03:59Was it from sex?
01:04:00Did you pop your cork?
01:04:01I don't think so.
01:04:02Not with a guy, anyway.
01:04:04Oh, don't ask.
01:04:06Every possible object.
01:04:08It's like every mechanical thing.
01:04:09It was like...
01:04:11Transformers.
01:04:12They just all became vibrators.
01:04:14I told you.
01:04:16It's addicting.
01:04:18So, what about Chris?
01:04:20The last time I saw him, he was running away for dear life.
01:04:22I told you he was gay.
01:04:24Well, I think I'm just all cramp.
01:04:30I think it's broken.
01:04:31So, wait.
01:04:33None of us cashed an RV card.
01:04:39Oh, Joanna, you're so sweet.
01:04:42So, I was gonna go grab some food.
01:04:44Wanna go?
01:04:45No, thank you.
01:04:47I think I should finish up here.
01:04:49Did you ever find that guy you were looking for?
01:04:51No.
01:04:53I don't know.
01:04:54For some reason, I just realized he needs to be my first.
01:04:57Or something.
01:04:59Why? Do you know him?
01:05:01Sort of.
01:05:02Oh.
01:05:03Well, hey, if you happen to run into him,
01:05:04just tell him I'd like to see him again.
01:05:12Love him?
01:05:13Shut it.
01:05:14You wanna do it with him?
01:05:15I don't wanna hear it from you.
01:05:16You wanna get married?
01:05:17You wanna do it?
01:05:18Zip it.
01:05:19Ever, ever, ever.
01:05:42Um.
01:05:43No.
01:05:44No way.
01:06:01Oh, well.
01:06:02There's always next year.
01:06:12Oh.
01:06:25It's you.
01:06:27I've been waiting for you.
01:06:29JJ.
01:06:33Joanna.
01:06:41Hey.
01:07:12I'm back.
01:07:33Wow, that's amazing.
01:07:37Yeah, I didn't know I had it in me.
01:07:38in me. I guess something inspired me.
01:07:42You really captured his expression and his eyes.
01:07:46Yeah, even that little cowlick he has in his hair.
01:07:50Whose? Eric's.
01:07:54It's him, right? Oh.
01:07:58Yeah. I have to go
01:08:02see him.
01:08:06Well, I think you know what we should do.
01:08:181-900-CONFESS.
01:08:22Sister Therese? Yeah, hun? Um, there was a problem
01:08:26with your credit card. I just need the last three numbers in the back.
01:08:30Oh, sure. It's 271.
01:08:34Sister, I know this isn't a confession, but can I ask your opinion on something?
01:08:38Do you think if you do something bad that God will
01:08:42forgive you? Like, take you back? Sure, hun.
01:08:46Why not? As long as you're on the right path.
01:08:50Well, how do you know if you're on that path? I always look for some kind of sign
01:08:54from the universe. Something to let me know that it's
01:08:58all gonna be okay. Sister?
01:09:02Can I get up now? I really gotta pee. No!
01:09:06Hush your trap! Okay, honey, I really need
01:09:10to get back to work, but call back any time. I will.
01:09:14Thanks.
01:09:18Sister? Shut up, or I'll punish you hard, you sheep fucker!
01:09:22Mwaaah!
01:09:32Eric, wait!
01:09:36Cheryl?
01:09:40Eric, um, look, I am so sorry about everything.
01:09:44I was trying to have revenge sex with you.
01:09:48At the beginning, but then at the end I wasn't.
01:09:52I just didn't want to do that with you. The revenge part, not the sex part.
01:09:56Um...
01:10:00I... I do want to go out with you.
01:10:04And I didn't realize that until this morning.
01:10:08I mean, you're a completely different guy than Jake is, and he's all over these...
01:10:12Eric! Come on, we gotta get going.
01:10:16Oh, wow. Um, Cheryl, this is
01:10:20my sister Tina. Tina, Cheryl.
01:10:24Hi, nice to meet you.
01:10:28Uh, so, um, do you mind if I call you
01:10:32in a few days when I get back?
01:10:36Yeah, sure.
01:10:40Oh. Sorry.
01:10:44No kissing, right? No kissing.
01:10:48Oh.
01:10:58Hey, did you ever, uh,
01:11:02get those flowers I sent you?
01:11:06I don't even care that you hooked up with Lexi.
01:11:10Wait, what? I never did that.
01:11:14I mean, you don't have to lie about it. She told me all about your pierced tongue.
01:11:22She must have me mixed up with someone else.
01:11:26Oh.
01:11:44At least this birthday's over.
01:11:56Dear Lord, please forgive me.
01:12:00I mean, if you could just, I don't know, like,
01:12:04send me a sign?
01:12:26Excuse me, excuse me.
01:12:30Do you know where the church is? It's on Fountain Street.
01:12:34Um, yeah, that's the church I go to. Or used to go to.
01:12:38Um, it's straight up that way and then left.
01:12:42Thank you. But you're more than welcome to come with me if you like.
01:12:46Oh, um, I don't know.
01:12:50Well, that's pretty powerful.
01:12:54Oh, 250 horsepower, 225 pounds of torque.
01:12:58Like I said, you're more than welcome to hop on.
01:13:02I don't think so. But thanks.
01:13:06What's your name?
01:13:10Sue. What's yours?
01:13:14Sue.
01:13:18Oh. What's yours? Jesus.
01:13:22Really? Si.
01:13:26Maybe I could use a ride.
01:13:42Ah!
01:13:48Ah!
01:14:18Music
01:14:22Music
01:14:26Music
01:14:30Music