00:00In 2016, I lost my best friend to suicide.
00:04At the time, I was going through my own mental health problems,
00:07and so was he, but we didn't talk together as best friends.
00:10So there was almost like a...
00:12There was something that I now look back on,
00:14there was like an unspoken set of language that we didn't discuss.
00:18So in the sort of passing of his death,
00:23I set on a new journey of going to sort out my own mental health.
00:27So in effect, like losing him saved me, effectively.
00:32It's an incredibly touching story, Rob.
00:34Good morning to you. It's Abby here.
00:36Thank you so much for joining us today.
00:38Such an important message because it mirrors a lot of what other people share
00:42when they've lost somebody so close to them
00:44that if only they had perhaps opened up more, if only they had talked.
00:47And it sadly seems to only be when we lose somebody
00:51that we realise that we can sort of open up and talk.
00:54Has it changed the way you've lived since
00:57and the way you talk to other people?
01:00Yeah, I think a lot of actually people said
01:02Rob 2016 to Rob today is two separate people.
01:08I'm very much more open about my mental health.
01:11I'm not scared about even crying.
01:12It's got me into a new state of fitness.
01:16I've literally got away from having, being unfit, unhealthy,
01:21heavily drinking, heavily smoking, sleeping three, four hours a night
01:25to now, you know, yesterday I was running a 15-mile race.
01:28I'm about to run a 50K race for a mental health charity locally.
01:31So an evolution of just opening up opens up that new person.
01:37You have new layers to unfold and unpack.
01:39And obviously that leads you to discovering new things about yourself.
01:43And Rob, we know that you are a big advocate for mental health awareness
01:47as well as sporting activities.
01:49We can see those medals behind you there.
01:51So it seemed to marry up quite naturally
01:54that you would go for the Baton of Hope.
01:57Yeah, 100%.
01:58I mean, the Baton of Hope is a massive...
02:02So what I loved about the Baton of Hope is actually
02:03it's a proper symbolic thing that's happening.
02:06It's actually visual.
02:07People can turn out for it.
02:10It opens up conversations around it as well.
02:12Just, you know, someone walking down a high street in Canterbury.
02:15What's that?
02:16And then they obviously...
02:17The discussions happen and they talk about it.
02:19And then you always find that that second layer of conversation
02:23always opens up talking about either someone talking about,
02:25actually, I've been struggling recently,
02:26or I lost someone.
02:28And that then opens up another conversation
02:30around what was that meaning for it.
02:31So very much so, it...
02:35You know, their view is to try...
02:37Their vision is to try and net suicide.
02:39We've got 6,000 average in the UK happening.
02:43You know, under 35 is the biggest killer
02:46of under 35 at the moment.
02:47Biggest killer under men of 50.
02:49So it's, you know...
02:53If you think about it as a...
02:54It's almost like a disease in aspects.
02:56We need to try and work out how we treat this and prevent it.
02:59Yeah.
03:00And looking at the accolades behind you,
03:02all those medals and all the experience you have
03:05running just 15-odd...
03:06What was it?
03:0615 miles yesterday, 50K soon as well.
03:10This clearly isn't about the physical challenge for you.
03:12How will the baton of hope test you mentally?
03:17See, I've always said, I've never been a runner.
03:20I've never really been that fitness person.
03:22So I actually hate running, despite, you know, doing running.
03:27And it's always been a...
03:29It's been a test of my mindset.
03:31But I've always said it's the first step out the front door.
03:34Like, I do cold water therapy.
03:36I'm day 848 doing cold water therapy outside.
03:39It's always a step...
03:40Jump into the cold pod that does the thing.
03:42So the baton of hope, even though it is a smaller walk-in event,
03:46that doesn't change anything.
03:48That's, you know, that means, you know, it's that first step.
03:51And I always say the first step is always with Chris in my heart.
03:55Absolutely.
03:56And, I mean, there was more than 130 other people here in Kent
04:00that applied to become baton bearers, you know, alongside yourself.
04:04Does that kind of make you feel that, you know,
04:06130 other people who are all kind of joining part of this conversation,
04:10that there is that, you know,
04:12community there who are willing to talk about mental health
04:15and suicide prevention?
04:17Or do you still think that there is, you know,
04:19waves more that can be done?
04:20I think there's...
04:24So I'm a...
04:26I won a Kent Mental Wellbeing Awards a few years back,
04:30and I've actually become a, like, an awards judge.
04:35And behind the scenes, you see a lot of the amount of hard work
04:38that goes into the Kent area.
04:39All the unspoken heroes that actually, at those awards ceremonies,
04:42we can actually, you know, put on a stage and say,
04:44thank you very much for your services.
04:47And some of those people are actually, I know, are baton bearers,
04:50and I know that they are equally walking with a passion
04:52towards mental health.
04:54I do think that we need to have a lot more discussions
04:59around the prevention measures to it.
05:01So rather than just being the after four,
05:03about what happens on that crisis line,
05:05what can we do in our schools and in our workplaces
05:07that can actually improve those conversations
05:10that should be happening?
05:11Yeah, Rob, I imagine all the people around you,
05:14all your loved ones, are so impressed.
05:15As you said, you're a different man
05:17to that 2016 version of yourself.
05:19And I'm thinking if Chris is looking at you now,
05:22if he knew what you were taking on in his memory,
05:25what do you think he'd say?
05:28Oh, you're going to check me up now?
05:32I don't know.
05:32Just...
05:33I always look back and think,
05:36I wish I'd just had that one conversation with him.
05:38And I think if I just sat down with Rob now and him there,
05:44I think things could have been a little bit different.
05:46So I can't change that,
05:48but I can only change the direction
05:49I put myself forward in that grief.
05:50I'll see you next time.
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