- 4/23/2025
Murphy Brown Season 6 Episode 11 It's Not Easy Being Brown
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TVTranscript
00:00Three. Bobby, my man.
00:03Morning, Corky.
00:05I'm not going to ask who she was, Frank.
00:08I just hope that you were careful and that you at least call her sometime today to say thank you.
00:14Come on, Corky, can't a guy just be in a good mood?
00:17Maybe I'm feeling very popular today, very likable, very recognizable,
00:25about two points more recognizable than I felt last year.
00:28Oh, Frank, you dink! You're going to get us all in trouble!
00:32Jim, Frank got a hold of the TVQ ratings again.
00:35Oh, for heaven's sake, Frank, every year it's the same thing.
00:38Following your popularity up and down like the bouncing ball in a Mitch Miller sing-along.
00:44You beat Brinkley. Oh, beef!
00:48Come on, you're hogging at it.
00:51Whoa, there it is! Still in the top ten.
00:55You know, I was worried my divorce might cause a backlash,
00:58but I guess tragedy just makes people open their hearts to you even more.
01:02You know, if Will had cheated on me instead of just being a doofus,
01:06I bet I could have been number one.
01:09How'd Murphy do?
01:11I'm looking.
01:12I'm still looking.
01:15Oh, my.
01:16She dropped.
01:17How could that be?
01:18Murphy never drops.
01:19Well, she has now by one and a half points.
01:25Morning, people.
01:26Morning.
01:30What's up?
01:32I am by two points.
01:35Well, once again, it seems some naughty little reporters have been investigating in areas they shouldn't be.
01:41Give it to me.
01:42Come on.
01:45Right now.
01:49It was Frank.
01:52Big surprise.
01:53So, has Murphy seen us?
01:56Hey, everybody.
01:57Looky, looky.
01:58I found a dollar in the parking lot.
01:59Oh, yeah?
02:00It's going to be a good day.
02:03She hasn't seen you.
02:05Okay.
02:05She's gonna find out eventually.
02:07She always does.
02:08Now, I'd break it to her, but I think it'd be kind of hard to take from someone who's up two points.
02:16Oh, poor Murphy.
02:18So unsuspecting.
02:20So happy.
02:21We can't let her go on like this.
02:24Yes, we can.
02:24Sure we can.
02:25Moving on.
02:27There's a time bomb in that office.
02:30You can leave it alone, digging away, never knowing when or where it will explode.
02:34Or, you can put on your protective suit, get in there, and detonate her now.
02:42You're right, Jim.
02:43It's the only thing to do.
02:45So I'll just do it.
02:47After all, that's what they're paying me for.
02:49Good luck.
02:52The Lord is my shepherd.
02:57Murphy, hi.
02:58Little update.
02:59Story meeting at 10.
03:00The TV cues came out today, and there's fresh coffee.
03:02You want some?
03:02What did she say?
03:04Meeting at 10?
03:05No, the other thing.
03:06Coffee?
03:06Miles!
03:08Oh, well.
03:10The middle thing.
03:13TV cues came out today.
03:22Oh, don't worry.
03:24I'm sure it's just a temporary drop.
03:26Maybe it was that Reagan interview, remember?
03:28You kept snapping your fingers to make sure you hadn't drifted off.
03:30Why, Miles, it's okay.
03:34It's okay?
03:35Yeah.
03:36I mean, I'm not surprised by this.
03:38Look at the kind of stories I've been doing lately.
03:40Tough, aggressive, in-your-face stories.
03:43And any time you put a nun in jail, people are bound to get it.
03:48Sure.
03:48The nun thing.
03:51What?
03:51Anyway, I'm proud of my work, and ultimately, that's more important than whether or not Barbara Walters is more popular than I am.
03:59She is.
04:02Oh, so she is.
04:04Well, my point is, if you're going to get the kind of stories I do, you have to be tough.
04:09I mean, what am I going to do?
04:10Plop Boris Yeltsin down on some flowered love seat and say, now, Boris, tell me what makes you cry?
04:15Right, right.
04:17Or you can go walking along the beach with Qaddafi and ask him if it hurts when people say mean things about him.
04:23Oh, I bet I'd be a popular man.
04:26Oh, huge.
04:28This isn't good, is it?
04:29No, it's not.
04:32So what do I do?
04:33Well, you could keep doing what you're doing, ignore public opinion, and assume it doesn't matter, George Bush.
04:39You, uh, you could do something to help the public's perception of you.
04:47Something along the lines of, say, hiring a publicist.
04:53Kyle, don't you remember what happened the last time you brought up this topic?
04:58Oh, look, I can still see the imprint of your little face in the pebbles.
05:03Murphy, plenty of journalists have publicists.
05:06It's nothing to be ashamed of.
05:08Corky has one.
05:10Frank is a couple.
05:11Jim doesn't have one.
05:12Jim's a national treasure.
05:14Okay, let's just say, for the sake of argument, my image needs a little adjusting.
05:20You really think a publicist is the way to go?
05:23If only the public could see you the way I'm seeing you now.
05:29Soft, vulnerable, listening to a friend's opinion with an open, non-threatening look on your face.
05:35Answer the damn question!
05:38Get a publicist.
05:46Murphy Brown, Violet Prince, call me guy.
05:50A foyer, I like that chair.
05:52And in here, a living room, two stories, a balcony, a fireplace, charming, charming.
06:00I'm looking, I'm thinking, architectural digest.
06:06Just so you know, they are making decaffeinated teas now.
06:09You might want to give it a shot.
06:11And while I have your attention, let me make myself clear.
06:16I've never needed a publicist before, and I'm not really sure I need one now.
06:21In my line of work, you people are the enemy.
06:23You stand between me and the people I try to interview.
06:26I don't really like your profession.
06:28I'm not sure I trust it.
06:29Oh, should it be People magazine?
06:31Yes, much better.
06:33More accessible, wider circulation.
06:35If you don't have a dog, we can rent one.
06:37Maybe you didn't hear what I said.
06:39Harley, I've been doing this job since before God.
06:44Not once have I been greeted at the door by someone saying,
06:47My cue rating's down.
06:49I'm a little nervous.
06:50Please help me.
06:51It would be nice, but so would sex with Robert Redford,
06:54and neither's going to happen.
06:59Connie Chung's a friend of yours, right?
07:01Did you catch her on Letterman?
07:02Dan Brava on Arsenio?
07:05Chancellor on Leno?
07:06My idea, my idea, my secretaries,
07:09but I'm taking the credit for it.
07:11Oh, that's what we all know, how those shows go.
07:14The host makes a few jokes at your expense,
07:16and then they ask you
07:17if they can let a dog drink out of your mouth.
07:20Okay, the fact is, you've got an image problem.
07:24You come across as tough, maybe too tough.
07:28I'm guessing that interview you did last month
07:30with Saddam Hussein generated a rise in sympathy for him.
07:36Honey, you scare people.
07:39Believe it.
07:43Eldon, my painter slash nanny.
07:45A painter?
07:47Splendid.
07:48If, if I need more pastels,
07:51what can you give me?
07:53A paintbrush and a view of me leaving.
07:59Okay, maybe you're right.
08:01He gets to be right?
08:03Sweetie, the morning's getting away from us,
08:05so we need to find a way
08:07to put more positive information about you out there.
08:10Let's start by jotting down some of the good things you do
08:14that you'd like people to hear about.
08:16Don't be afraid to be sappy.
08:19Good things that she does, huh?
08:22Quite the challenging game
08:24to while away a dreary winter's day.
08:26Oh, I know, I know.
08:29Let an old lady get ahead of her in line at the grocery store.
08:33That's a point for me.
08:34Who's next?
08:35Eldon, please, I'll tell you what I've done.
08:37I've broken scandals that have saved taxpayers millions.
08:40I have sent corrupt politicians to prison.
08:43I've discovered toxic waste dumping
08:44that's resulted in more stringent laws...
08:46Did I say People magazine?
08:48How about who gives a fig quarterly?
08:53Honey, maybe I haven't been clear.
08:56No one's asking you to change your style.
09:00You can be as tough as you want,
09:01as long as you let some occasional glints of warmth shine through.
09:06That's all I'm here to do,
09:08is to coax those glints out of them.
09:12But if you're okay with a one-and-a-half-point drop,
09:16then I'll just be on my way.
09:18This will give me a chance
09:19to spend a little more time with Bob Doe.
09:22Tuesday is his smiling practice.
09:29Oh, that's Avery.
09:31Uh, look, my no-go just yet.
09:33Eldon, see if you can find that check I wrote to Farm Aid,
09:36which reminds me,
09:37they never sent me their T-shirt.
09:42You know, now that I think about it,
09:45that time at the grocery store,
09:47when she saw that old lady
09:48start to pay in all pennies,
09:51I think I'm back at zero.
09:55I've got some primer that I have to mix.
09:59This game is way too hard.
10:03I am not going to do it.
10:06Nope, I'm not.
10:07I am not going to do it.
10:09Okay, I am.
10:10Oh, the little one.
10:15You know, Murphy,
10:17seeing you with your son,
10:19it's a warm, beautiful image.
10:23We'd be insane not to exploit it.
10:25Oh, no, time out.
10:28It's hard enough on a kid having a famous mother.
10:31I'm not going to drag him into the spotlight with me.
10:33Okay, fine.
10:35That's just one more magazine cover for Kathy Lee Gifford.
10:39But I'm getting an idea.
10:44I'm mulling it.
10:45I'm loving it.
10:47I'll call you after I set it up.
10:48Oh, wait a minute.
10:50What is it?
10:51Honey, I'm putting you on Marbury Lane.
10:54The kid show?
10:55You've seen it.
10:56Revoltingly cute, isn't it?
10:58I know Avery loves it.
11:00All kids do.
11:01And they watch it with their parents.
11:04Just think, you fuzzy puppets,
11:08major glints of warmth.
11:11That's why I bought Hillary Clinton on it.
11:14Now, I can bump Hillary back a week or so.
11:18She'll be upset,
11:19but I'm still smotting over their tax plan,
11:21so who cares?
11:22Well, then.
11:24I bought it.
11:26Wait a minute.
11:27Let me just think about this for a while.
11:28I'll call you tomorrow.
11:29Fine. Later today.
11:31Hey, wait.
11:33I just thought of one.
11:35Oh, she's gone?
11:38I guess as well.
11:39I made it up anyway.
11:44Hey, Bert.
11:45Hey, Bert.
11:47Um, guys, I might as well tell you something now
11:52because you're going to find out sooner or later anyway.
11:55Um, I met with a publicist this morning.
11:58Oh, really?
11:59So, I guess this means...
12:02That's right.
12:03Hell froze over, pigs are flying,
12:05and you picked up a check.
12:09I met with a publicist, Frank.
12:11A person can change their mind.
12:14Well, Murphy, I think it's wonderful
12:15that you're mature enough to realize you need help.
12:18By the way, a Circus of the Stars calls.
12:21Don't let them talk you into doing the trapeze act
12:23with Robert Urich.
12:24I did it last year,
12:25and his feet were very slippery.
12:27Thanks for the tip, Corky,
12:32but I'm going to be in Branson, Missouri,
12:33that week, headlining at Yakov Smirnov's
12:35What a Country Theater.
12:37I don't know.
12:38Maybe this whole thing was a mistake.
12:40This publicist is coming up with ideas
12:42I'm not very comfortable with.
12:45This morning, she actually suggested
12:46I appear on Mulberry Lane.
12:49Oh, my God!
12:51I know.
12:56It's a crazy idea, isn't it?
12:58A professional journalist
12:59appearing on a children's show.
13:01Let's talk about something else.
13:03Well, Murphy, actually,
13:05lots of journalists have been on Mulberry Lane.
13:07I think Katie Couric was on one.
13:08I know.
13:09I'm pretty sure Peter Jennings was, too.
13:11And don't forget McNeil and Blair.
13:12Well, then why is it such a crazy idea
13:16for me to be on the show?
13:18Well, why did you say it was crazy?
13:24Oh, because any self-respecting journalist
13:26has to question the appropriateness
13:28of appearing on a show for children.
13:30Of course, and that's exactly why
13:31we laughed at the idea.
13:33Let's talk about something else.
13:35No, no, no.
13:36I don't understand this.
13:37For some reason,
13:38you seem to find it amusing
13:40that I would appear on Mulberry Lane.
13:42I'm just curious as to why.
13:44Well, if Mulberry Lane wants to
13:47add you to their roster of guests,
13:49they would be wise to do so.
13:51They're not going to let you sing, are they?
13:55Not that you don't have a charming voice.
13:57It's just that the experience
13:58might be a little too intense
14:00for younger viewers.
14:03I just want you to know
14:04that I only laughed because Frank and Jim did.
14:07And I'm sure you wouldn't look
14:08nearly as awful as we think.
14:09Oh, amazing.
14:13I said I needed to show my warmer side.
14:15I just didn't think I needed
14:16to show it to my friends.
14:17You think I can't be warm?
14:18I can be warm.
14:19Of course, you're warm as hell.
14:21I was just saying that.
14:23But I am going to do Mulberry Lane,
14:25and I will be dripping warm.
14:27We are talking melt-a-puppet warmth.
14:31Doesn't that look delicious?
14:34Thank you so much.
14:36Okay, I've got a week to work on.
14:44It's good.
14:45It's very good.
14:46But if it's going to be a Muggalum house,
14:47it needs more windows.
14:49The Muggalum people hate feeling closed in.
14:51Excuse me.
14:53I'm Murphy Brown.
14:54Uh-huh.
14:54And thicker cushions on those Muggalum chairs.
14:57They have very tender bottoms.
14:59Yes.
15:00Oh, Jess Phillips.
15:02Welcome to Mulberry Lane.
15:03Oh, thanks.
15:04This is so great.
15:05All the little buildings.
15:06The vegetable cart.
15:08My son loves the vegetable cart.
15:10Oh, that reminds me.
15:11Mr. Greengrocer.
15:12Is he weird about autographs?
15:14Not at all.
15:15But just try not to get him when he's hosing down the fruit.
15:17That's his quiet time.
15:19I see you got the script.
15:21Uh, yeah, actually, I haven't really memorized it yet.
15:23I've had a very hectic week.
15:25I don't know if you saw my interview Wednesday with Warren Christopher.
15:29I think I was fair with him.
15:30Sure, but fair.
15:31What did you think?
15:32Oh, I don't watch television after nine in the morning.
15:35I find it painful.
15:38Now, if you'll just stay right over here,
15:40let's see who's playing on Mulberry Lane today.
15:43Oh, Kelvo.
15:44Hi there.
15:47Hi, Murphy.
15:48Don't look down there.
15:50Why not?
15:52Tell her, Jeff.
15:53We just want you to relate directly to Kelvo
15:55because if you believe in Kelvo,
15:57then the audience does too.
15:58And Kelvo hates it when people don't believe him.
16:01Oh, I do.
16:02I do.
16:03I really, really do.
16:10Okay.
16:11Nice to meet you, Kelvo.
16:13Like legs, I'm sure.
16:15Well, isn't anyone going to introduce me?
16:20And this, of course, is Murphy Brown Bear.
16:25Oh, wow.
16:27Great jacket.
16:29And I may be biased,
16:31but I think she is much classier than your Linda Ellerbee.
16:34Oh, please.
16:35No contest.
16:37Now, before we get started,
16:38is there anything we can get your coffee, tea, juice box?
16:43Uh, no, I just wish I had more time to memorize my lines.
16:46Hey, hey, the script is just a guideline.
16:49We like to be free here.
16:50Let our imaginations go.
16:52That's where we take the rehearsal.
16:53We got a lot of fun stuff that way.
16:55Yeah, like the time Robert De Niro challenged me to a scary face contest.
17:01Now, come on.
17:02You're not allowed to worry when you're on Mulberry Lane.
17:04You'll be fine.
17:06Just be yourself.
17:07That's what people like to say.
17:08Right.
17:09Oh, tell me, Kelmo,
17:13has Barbara Walters ever been on this show?
17:16Hmm.
17:17I don't think so.
17:18But I hear she's very popular.
17:24Okay, everybody.
17:25It's another bright, shiny day on Mulberry Lane.
17:28Cameras rolling and action.
17:31Hello.
17:31I'm Murphy Brown Bear,
17:34Mulberry Lane's ace reporter.
17:36Today, we're going to learn about asking questions.
17:40And who better to learn from than Murphy Brown herself?
17:44Ooh, I like Murphy Brown.
17:47It's just a pleasure to be here with both of you.
17:50Yes.
17:55It's important to ask questions
17:57because you can learn a lot by asking questions.
18:00Isn't that right, Murphy?
18:02Oh, you bet it is, Murphy.
18:06But if ever you're lost
18:07or you want to find out more about someone,
18:10asking questions is a great way to find the answers.
18:13Yes.
18:14Now, do you ask a lot of questions as a reporter?
18:18Oh, I sure do.
18:20I talk to a lot of very interesting people
18:23and ask them a lot of very interesting questions.
18:27And...
18:27Of course, sometimes that makes me seem tougher
18:30than I'd like to be,
18:31but sometimes prominent figures
18:34don't want to answer questions
18:35that the public has a right to have answered.
18:38You see, the press is only exercising
18:40the right guaranteed to them
18:42under the First Amendment,
18:44which, as I'm sure you know,
18:45is the cornerstone of our Constitution.
18:49Eh?
18:49And I'm sure that if all the mommies and daddies
18:54who are out there watching think about it,
18:56they'll understand that's why I have to be so darn tough
19:00and why I have to ask questions like,
19:03tell me, Senator,
19:04do you honestly believe that Oliver North
19:07organized a diversion of fines
19:08to the Nicaraguan Contras without higher authority?
19:11Uh, we like to ask questions like,
19:13how old are you,
19:14or what color is my fur?
19:17It's good.
19:18It's very good.
19:19Well, let's just hold it a minute, okay?
19:21Uh, is there a problem?
19:23You did say that we could go off the script.
19:25Oh, sure, sure,
19:26but the words you're using,
19:27amendment, diversion, contras,
19:30they're not exactly in a four-year-old's vocabulary.
19:33Well, I don't mean to tell you how to do your job,
19:35but if kids don't hear those words,
19:37how are they going to learn them,
19:38and aren't we supposed to be educating here?
19:40Yes, but we're teaching the alphabet,
19:43and you're preparing them for the bar exam.
19:47Okay, I'll try to take it down a notch.
19:49You knew you could.
19:51Um, Jess, should I be hugging the puppets more?
19:56No, not really.
19:58Ah, just checking.
19:59Okay.
20:02Banders rolling and action!
20:04Now, I'm going to ask Murphy Brown a question
20:07to learn more about her.
20:09Do you like being a reporter?
20:12Oh, yes.
20:13I've wanted to be a reporter
20:15ever since I was a very little girl,
20:18especially after I saw
20:19Edward R. Murrow's legendary report
20:21accusing Joseph McCarthy
20:23of misleading the public
20:24as a domestic prince of communism.
20:26Oh, yeah.
20:32Murrow was tough,
20:33but you didn't see anyone
20:34giving him a hard time about...
20:37Um, excuse me, Kelbo,
20:42I believe I was talking.
20:43You talk a lot.
20:47Yeah, well,
20:48that's what reporters are paid to do.
20:50Ha!
20:50Then you must make a fortune.
20:55Actually, I became a reporter
20:56to serve the public good.
20:58Actually, I became a reporter
20:59to serve the public good.
21:02You know, that's very cute,
21:03but it's not nice to mimic someone.
21:05It's not nice to mimic someone.
21:08I'm going to have to ask you
21:10to stop that.
21:11I'm going to have to ask you
21:12to stop that.
21:13Hey, this time I mean it.
21:15Hey, this time I mean it.
21:17Knock it off!
21:18Yeah, get up!
21:19Hey, he's hurting my friend!
21:21Woo!
21:24I knew he should have gotten
21:26Barbara Walters!
21:29I respect the gentleman!
21:41Can I do that again?
21:42I can do that better.
21:43I know I can do that.
21:48Murphy!
21:52Morning.
21:53Don't you sneak away from me.
21:55I want to hear all about it.
21:56How did it go on Friday?
21:57How did it go?
21:58Mulberry Lane!
21:59Oh, just swell.
22:01Swell, but I'm really swamped.
22:02I got it going.
22:04There's my little Sherry Lewis.
22:06I can feel our demographics
22:11widening as we speak.
22:13Women 25 to 35,
22:15men 40 and up,
22:16and now children 3 to 7.
22:19Mommy, mommy,
22:20can't we stay up
22:21and watch that new show
22:21with that sweet blonde lady?
22:23We love her.
22:25So when's it going to be off?
22:26Uh, well,
22:27they don't really have a date yet.
22:28They're trying to find
22:29the best time.
22:30Christmas, spring, 1995.
22:32I'll let you know.
22:38Murphy Brown.
22:40Oh, hi, Eldon.
22:41What?
22:42What?
22:42It can't be on.
22:44It was a disaster.
22:46I'm still picking
22:47cowbo fur out
22:48from under my fingernails.
22:49Sometimes people are mean
22:52Sometimes people are mean
22:52Sometimes people are mean
22:56Oh, my God.
22:58I said you'll never see
22:59Somebody mean
23:01Oh, you're real, you're lucky
23:04I said you're meanable
23:07When you're named
23:09Bobby, give me my papa's sister.
23:12Forget her, she just called.
23:14You guys don't want to watch this now?
23:24You're busy.
23:25I'll get a tape
23:25We'll watch it later.
23:26Shh.
23:27Ah!
23:30Okay, I know it looks bad.
23:31But when the camera's not on
23:33those puppets turn into
23:34nasty, backbiting little robots.
23:37Now that they're re-editing
23:39are they allowed to do that?
23:40I could sue their
23:41fuzzy little butts off.
23:42Oh, that would be great for your TVQ
23:44suing the most beloved
23:45kid show of all time.
23:47They call themselves educational.
23:49They wouldn't even let me
23:50use the word contrast.
23:53This is all your fault, Miles.
23:55It was your stupid idea
23:56that I see a publicist
23:57in the first place.
23:58Me?
23:59Miles, don't you think
24:01this show has been
24:02very educational?
24:04Yes, yes.
24:05Thank you, Jim.
24:06Sometimes people.
24:07You know, the choking thing
24:18is really modern.
24:19I can't remember who?
24:22When somebody is mean
24:24To celebrate our 20th anniversary,
24:27we're gonna party like it's 1985
24:30with a lineup of hit shows
24:32from the year Nick at Night began.
24:34It's Nick at Night's
24:3520th anniversary celebration.
24:38Three nights starting Tuesday,
24:39June 21st at 10 p.m.
24:41I can't hear you.
24:43That is best.
Recommended
24:43
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