- 10 months ago
Murphy Brown Season 5 Episode 8 Midnight Plane To Paris
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TVTranscript
00:00The next time you see moi, we'll be live by a satellite from the European Summit Conference.
00:05Oh!
00:07Look at this, uh, Pepe Le Pew in a dress.
00:11Miles, four days in Paris. How come she always gets the great trips? It's not fair.
00:16Oh, what are you talking about, Frank?
00:18I'm the one who hasn't been out of town since before the baby was born.
00:22And if I'm not mistaken, you got one of my overseas assignments when I was out on maternity leave.
00:26Yeah, right. Sewer crisis in Calcutta.
00:29Thanks a lot.
00:31Jeez, Frank, one little cobra bite and you go all to pieces.
00:36Now, stop complaining.
00:37We should all be thrilled that Murphy's bringing her special brand of journalism back to the world stage.
00:43Thank you, Miles.
00:44Oh, please. The only reason he's happy to see you go is for the next four days he won't have to wear his bite guard when he goes to sleep.
00:51Who told you I'm wearing a bite guard?
00:54Well, we have the same dentist, remember?
00:57He told me you're jaws as tight as the Tin Man in The Wizard of Oz.
01:01That's dental information. It's supposed to be confidential.
01:05Oil can! Oil can!
01:08You want to go back to Calcutta, Frank, do you?
01:10Keep it up.
01:11Oh, yeah.
01:11Oh, yeah. I'm going to miss this a lot.
01:17But Paris awaits me.
01:18Yes, Paris. A city where the people are so rude, I'm considered a gracious guest.
01:23All the arrangements have been made, right? Everything's set?
01:28Absolutely. It's the final proof that I've successfully integrated my baby and my career.
01:33Everything's all taken care of.
01:35Right down to the Parisian nanny.
01:37So while I'm working, little Winston can be at Euro Disneyland watching a French Snow White walk around with hairy legs.
01:43You're not serious.
01:47Murph, you're naming your kid Winston after Winston Churchill?
01:51No, Frank. I'm naming him after a cigarette.
01:54I wanted to name him after a bad habit I've given up, and Ernest and Julio Gallo wouldn't fit on an item.
02:02Murph, the baby is four and a half months old. Don't you think it's time you stop playing musical names and finally commit to one?
02:09It's not that simple, Miles. I want to make sure the name fits, and I can't do that until he becomes more of a person.
02:15Right now, he just eats, sleeps, and whines.
02:18Why don't you name him Frank?
02:25Uh, enjoy your root canal on the 21st.
02:30Oh, Murph, there you are. I want you to do a favor for me while you're in Paris.
02:35It's very important, so you might want to write this down.
02:39Although, I'm sure you'll remember.
02:42I want you to go to the Tres Jolies Boutique in St. Germain and return this scarf for me.
02:48And get cash, Murphy. Don't you let them talk you into store credit.
02:53Murphy, I'm going to be interviewing foreign ministers, heads of state, and at least one reigning monarch.
02:59Plus, I'm going to have my kid with me.
03:01Now, if I take this box, what do you think I'm going to do with it?
03:05Anybody want to buy a scarf?
03:07Murphy, what time is your flight leaving?
03:107 a.m. tomorrow.
03:12Can you believe it?
03:13I'm now one of those annoying, we get to board first because we have children, people.
03:18Yes!
03:21Okay.
03:22Let's see now.
03:23Get new passport.
03:24It's done.
03:25Confirm reservations.
03:26It's done.
03:27Check airline for bankruptcy.
03:28You can't be too careful.
03:29I keep thinking there's something I've forgotten.
03:33I've got rhythm, I've got music, I've got my gal who could ask for anything more.
03:40Oh, here's the file you wanted, Ms. Brown.
03:43I'm taking my break now.
03:45I've got them things in real life.
03:48Oh, yeah.
03:57Fire secretary.
03:59I guess I can save that for when I get back.
04:04Ah, Slugger.
04:05I have a little going away gift for you.
04:07Really, Jim?
04:08A present for me?
04:10Where?
04:11Just a token to welcome you back to the road.
04:13A symbol of the ties that bind those of us who toil in the vineyards of journalism.
04:18Yeah, yeah, yeah.
04:19Give me that.
04:22Ooh, look what I got.
04:25An electronic translator.
04:27You type a phrase in English and read it back in any of five different languages.
04:30French, Spanish, Russian, Japanese, or Yiddish.
04:33Get your damn beret out of my face.
04:37A left on salber.
04:39Hey, it works, Jim.
04:41Thank you very much.
04:43Well, if there are no other presents, and apparently there aren't, I have a few other things to do.
04:51Let's see.
04:52Get traveler's checks.
04:54Take baby pediatricians to check up.
04:56Talk to cable company about getting credit for the four days I'm out of town.
05:01Good luck traveling with the baby.
05:04Well, thanks, Corky, but I won't be needing any luck.
05:06I've got everything covered.
05:07I've got my girl who can ask for anything more.
05:12Who can ask for anything more.
05:18See?
05:18I'm ahead of schedule already.
05:20Where have you been?
05:26Do you realize you were supposed to be back from the doctor one hour ago?
05:30Well, I'm sorry, Eldon.
05:31You could have called me in the car.
05:33I told you I don't believe in car phones.
05:35You know, next thing you know, they're putting bathtubs in cars.
05:38Then you'll see some accidents.
05:39No, I'm sorry, Eldon.
05:42We had to stop off at the drugstore for a prescription.
05:45What?
05:46Well, wait a minute.
05:48What prescription?
05:49This was just supposed to be a checkup.
05:50Oh, my God.
05:52What's wrong?
05:55Eldon, it's okay.
05:56He has a slight ear infection.
05:58I'm just going to put him in his bassinet.
06:00A ear infection?
06:03Oh, no.
06:06No, that's because of that draft in the nursery, isn't it?
06:09I knew I should have put extra weather stripping on that window frame.
06:13But, no, I had to finish that mural of world leaders as nursery rhyme characters.
06:19All that time wasted painting little short pants on Humpty Yeltsin.
06:24Stupid.
06:25Stupid.
06:26Eldon, will you relax?
06:28Dr. Coulter said ear infections are common in babies his age.
06:32He's not in any pain, and with a little medication, he should be over it in a few days.
06:36The only trouble is, the doctor said he can't fly.
06:39Well, of course he can't fly.
06:41A rudimentary knowledge of physics will tell you that.
06:43I meant on the plane.
06:45I'm supposed to go to Paris tomorrow, and my kid can't go.
06:48Which means I've either got to give up one of the biggest international stories of the year,
06:53or leave him with a nanny for four days.
06:56And as far as that nanny's concerned, I...
06:58I know, I know, I shouldn't worry.
06:59Mrs. Molina's terrific.
07:01She's incredibly competent, she's trustworthy...
07:03And technically no longer in your employ.
07:06Excuse me?
07:06That girlfriend friend of yours stopped over this afternoon.
07:09You know, the one with the long hair, the big smile, um...
07:13Maria Shriver?
07:14That's the one.
07:15That's the one.
07:17Now, I told her, I said, look, she's not home, but she just pushes her way in here, and she's just talking to Mrs. Molina, you yaggity, yaggity, yaggity.
07:24And next thing I know, well, she hired her.
07:28Wait a minute.
07:29Maria Shriver stole my nanny?
07:33Well, then, I left a note on the refer...
07:37Hello, Ms. Brown.
07:39Um, I left you a note on the...
07:41Refer...
07:42Oh, yeah, I heard.
07:43I can explain.
07:44Oh, I'll bet you can.
07:46So, this is how you repay me, huh?
07:48After all I've done for you, didn't I say you could help yourself to anything in the refrigerator?
07:53There's never anything in the refrigerator.
07:55Just answer the question.
07:56Oh, Ms. Brown, I'm sorry.
07:58It's just that Maria told me that I could...
08:00Oh, it's Maria now, is it?
08:01Well, that's quite a switch from what the last nanny had to call her, the queen.
08:05Tell me, Mrs. Molina, have you ever felt the sharp sting of a riding crop against your flanks?
08:10Well, you will, my friend.
08:11The first time you spill talcum powder on her carpet.
08:13Quack!
08:16She told me that you would say something like that.
08:19Okay, okay.
08:20What did she offer you?
08:20Let's hear it.
08:21Well, there's a hundred dollar raise.
08:23I'll double it.
08:24A four-week paid vacation.
08:25Okay.
08:26A free loaner car.
08:27Does she need a pair?
08:28Eldon.
08:31Okay, I'll give you all that stuff.
08:33And a dental plan with a $50 deductible.
08:36What, is she out of her mind?
08:37Has she seen your mouth?
08:38You've got more bridge work than the river Kwai.
08:45Oh, that's Maria now.
08:47I really have to go.
08:49Okay, okay.
08:50I'll match the dental plan.
08:51Oh, that's very generous.
08:53But in all honesty, I'd say I prefer to look after Maria's kids.
08:56Why?
08:57What do her kids have that mine doesn't?
08:58A different mother.
09:01Okay, fine.
09:02Leave.
09:03You'll be sorry.
09:04What are you laughing at, Schreiber?
09:07You...
09:07You...
09:08Nanny Napper.
09:12Well, that's it.
09:14No way I can go to Paris now.
09:15Do you believe it?
09:17I've got a story to cover and I can't go.
09:21Well, that's the first time I ever heard myself say that.
09:24I can't go.
09:25Huh.
09:25That sounds weird.
09:28See what it looks like in Yiddish.
09:29Oh, look.
09:40Before you break into selections from Fiddler on the Roof,
09:43may I suggest that...
09:48Might I suggest that if this is that important to you,
09:51hey, I could watch the little fella.
09:54You?
09:54Oh, sure.
09:55Sure, why not?
09:56It's only for four days.
09:58Gee, I never even considered you, Eldon.
10:01Well, it does make sense.
10:03You know him as well as anybody.
10:06And he's not breastfeeding anymore,
10:08so that wouldn't be a problem.
10:11Eldon, are you sure you want to do this?
10:13Well, the only problem I see is I think that maybe
10:15I have a slightly more developed feminine side than you do,
10:18and that might confuse him.
10:24Other than that, no sweat.
10:28Well, it isn't what I planned,
10:31but at least I won't worry if he's with you,
10:33and I will be able to cover my story.
10:36So that's it, then.
10:38Right.
10:39That's it.
10:41I'll go to Paris, and you'll stay here with...
10:44with...
10:45damn.
10:46What is it this week?
10:47Uh, Jacques Cousteau Brammer.
10:50No, no, no, that was last week.
10:51Oh, yeah, right, the night we have fish.
10:54I gotta settle on a name.
10:57Hi, guys.
10:59Murphy, what are you doing here?
11:01It's okay, everything's fine.
11:03I'll have a burger, Phil.
11:05You got it.
11:06Murphy.
11:06Why are you ordering a burger?
11:07You're supposed to be on a plane to Paris.
11:08I know that, Miles.
11:10There's been a change in plans.
11:11The baby has a slight ear infection.
11:13Oh, is he serious?
11:14No, no, no, he's okay, really.
11:16It's just that he can't fly,
11:17so Eldon's going to stay with him while I'm gone.
11:20Don't worry, Miles.
11:21I can still go out on the Concord tonight
11:23and be in Paris in time for my first interview tomorrow.
11:26Well, Murphy, are you sure you want to go?
11:28I mean, I could send someone else to cover the summit.
11:30It's pretty short notice, but it could be done.
11:32Absolutely.
11:33Don't worry about this story, Murph.
11:34I can handle it.
11:35Oh, really?
11:36You think Helmut Kohl's going to want to talk
11:38German nationalism with you
11:39after that Colonel Klink impression you did
11:41at the Berlin Wall celebration?
11:44It was Sergeant Schultz.
11:47When you think with a name like Helmut,
11:49the guy could take a joke.
11:51Miles, I'm the only one who can do this.
11:53No one else has the access to get the interviews I've set up.
11:57Murphy, if you're sure.
11:58Who said anything about being sure?
11:59I was up all night over this,
12:01and the baby was no help at all.
12:03At 3 a.m., he smiled like a sign that I should go.
12:07At 4.30, he cried like he was asking me to stay.
12:10Smile, cry, smile, cry.
12:12It was like an evening with Liza Minnelli.
12:20Don't you see what's happening here?
12:22You're a mother now, and you're feeling maternal ties.
12:25No, I'm not.
12:27It's all right to admit it.
12:29No mother wants to leave her baby when he's sick.
12:31He's not sick.
12:33It's just this little ear thing.
12:35The pediatrician said I could go,
12:37and I just appreciated if you would all stop giving me such a hard time.
12:41Murphy, nobody's giving you a hard time.
12:42Oh, fine.
12:43Or ask me some more.
12:44You know, this wouldn't even be an issue if I were a man.
12:47I want things twice when fathers leave their kids to go on business trips.
12:50Jim, if you were in my shoes, you'd go, wouldn't you?
12:55Well, Murphy, that's hard to say.
12:56As you know, Doris and I never had children.
12:59However, there was that time I was scheduled to speak in San Francisco,
13:03and our dog, Trickster, ran into the sliding glass door and sprained his neck.
13:06I was ready to leave, and there he was, looking at me with those soulful eyes,
13:13wearing his cervical collar.
13:16Like an unhappy little circus dog.
13:19There you go, Murphy.
13:21Hope it didn't take too long.
13:23But you know how it is right after an election.
13:26The winners are still celebrating.
13:28The losers are drowning their sorrows.
13:30Bar business is up 90%.
13:32I love this country.
13:36Bill, you're a father.
13:38How do you decide the right balance between work and family?
13:42Well, I'll tell you, Murphy.
13:43I never heard of anybody lying on their deathbed,
13:48wishing they had spent more time at work.
13:50On the other hand, I got eight kids.
13:53That means eight potty trainings, eight cases of the measles,
13:57eight Halloween costumes every year.
13:59Well, there was that one time when we put one sheet over all of them
14:04and sent them out as Casper, the real fat ghost.
14:09Truth is, there's days when coming in here to sweat over a deep fryer
14:13is like a Bermuda vacation.
14:15Bill.
14:18Looks like Hillary and Tipper need another pitcher of margaritas.
14:22Well, it's obvious none of you can help me.
14:29Clearly, there's only one way to make a decision this difficult.
14:32So, one potato, two potato, three potato, four.
14:37Murphy.
14:38Murphy, I understand what a painful decision this must be.
14:43However, I might point out that in approximately 16 hours,
14:46a very expensive French film crew will be at the La Parisienne Hotel
14:50looking for a blonde American anchor person.
14:53Now, that could be you, or it could be Frank in a week.
14:55I could live with that.
14:57You're right, Miles.
14:59I have to make this decision myself.
15:02Okay.
15:04If I get to my car without stepping on a crack, I go.
15:09Oh, God.
15:11Whatever you decide is okay.
15:12She'll go.
15:16No, she won't.
15:18Oh, yeah?
15:19If she doesn't go, I buy everybody lunch tomorrow.
15:22It's a bet.
15:23I'll take a piece of that.
15:24Anybody want to bet on how long before a blood vessel bursts in my brain?
15:33So, what I'm saying is,
15:35if I did go to Paris, I'd only be gone for four days.
15:38You'd barely notice.
15:39A baby's brain doesn't even recognize time has passed.
15:44You're kind of like the Beach Boys that way.
15:53Don't get me wrong.
15:55It's very important for me to be a good mother.
15:58I'm just not exactly sure what that means.
16:01You know, my mother wouldn't even have had this conversation.
16:05Yep, your grandma Avery always did exactly what she wanted.
16:11Very strong-willed, which, incidentally, seems to run in the family.
16:16And I have a feeling that wherever she is right now,
16:20she's getting a big kick out of what you're putting me through.
16:23Yeah.
16:27So, you think that's funny, too, huh?
16:30Oh, great.
16:31Just what I need.
16:32Another Avery in my life.
16:37Avery.
16:40Avery Brown.
16:43Oh, jeez, I don't know.
16:45How do you do that to a little boy?
16:49Still,
16:49I've got to admit,
16:53there is something about it that feels kind of right.
16:56What do you think?
17:03Okay.
17:05You got it.
17:07I just hope for your sake that wasn't a gas bubble.
17:14I think your cab's here.
17:17Get it out or it's that Shriver lady coming to pick up your stereo setup.
17:24So, are you gonna go or not?
17:27Just give me a second, okay, Eldon?
17:32Okay.
17:34Here's the deal.
17:37I may not know a lot about this mother business,
17:40but one thing I am sure of is that
17:43if I can't be who I am,
17:46I won't be much good to you.
17:49So, I guess what I'm trying to say is
17:54I gotta go do my job.
17:58Okay, Eldon, here you go.
18:07Take good care of Avery.
18:10Excuse me?
18:11That's his name, Eldon.
18:13Avery Brown.
18:14Oh, I like it.
18:19Oh, I like it a lot.
18:21What's his middle name?
18:23Middle name?
18:26Oh, he's gotta have a middle name.
18:28How else is he gonna know when you're mad at him?
18:30What's your middle name?
18:35Radislav.
18:37He'll know when I'm mad.
18:43Eldon,
18:44I'll call you as soon as I get to Paris.
18:46Okay, Avery.
18:50Here are the rules.
18:52No parties,
18:53no girls,
18:55and no matter how much you cry,
18:58you can't borrow the Porsche.
19:03Bye.
19:07Will you play, Brian?
19:11What do you mean?
19:16Bye-bye, Marky.
19:22Hey.
19:24Oh, yeah.
19:26You're developing a very nice technique.
19:29Do you know that?
19:29A real Picasso-esque form.
19:33This one.
19:34This one definitely deserves a place
19:36on the refrigerator door museum of art.
19:39Hey, pal.
19:40Any cab driver in Paris
19:42would be thrilled with a 5% tip.
19:44I'm home.
19:48So we gather.
19:50You're also a day early.
19:52Well, so what's the big deal?
19:53I'm a day early.
19:55You've seen one European summit conference.
19:57You've seen them all.
19:58That's how you make your finger paint.
19:59Hello, Avery.
20:01How are you?
20:02I see you survive three days
20:04with your Uncle Eldon.
20:05Not to believe a point.
20:07It was supposed to be four days
20:09with Uncle Eldon.
20:11What kind of haste in your return?
20:14Oh, I wonder.
20:17Could it be that you actually
20:19might have missed a little guy?
20:21Oh, I missed a lot of things
20:22in Paris, Eldon.
20:24My own bed, American football,
20:27waiters that don't smoke
20:28when they bring you your soup.
20:31Hey, I got presents.
20:34You want me to take them?
20:35No, no, no.
20:36It's okay.
20:36I got them.
20:38There it is.
20:39Look at that, Avery.
20:40Something you can really sink
20:41your little gums into.
20:43Actually, Eldon,
20:44this is for you.
20:45It's a soft sculpture
20:46from the Louvre Museum.
20:48I thought you'd like it.
20:49Oh.
20:52Wow.
20:53The French.
20:55They are a funny race.
20:56This is for Avery.
21:00Gee.
21:02Toes are so little,
21:03aren't they, Eldon?
21:04Yeah.
21:05Really, really, really.
21:07I bet I could get
21:08his whole foot in my mouth.
21:09Oh, my.
21:11Did they feed you on the plane?
21:15You want to tell me again
21:17about what it was you missed?
21:19Okay.
21:20I missed him.
21:22I wasn't planning on it,
21:23but I kept getting reminded of him.
21:26Yesterday, I had lunch
21:27with Francois Mitterrand.
21:28I sat there staring
21:29at his balding head
21:30and pink cheeks.
21:32All of a sudden,
21:32I leaned across the table
21:33and wiped onion soup
21:34off his chin.
21:37What's happening to me?
21:39Well, I believe
21:40that it's referred to
21:42in psychological circles
21:44as the bonding process.
21:47Jeez.
21:48I was hoping
21:49it was just jet lag.
21:50You know,
21:52my whole life,
21:54I never had to think
21:55of anyone but me.
21:57Now,
21:58all of a sudden,
22:00I've got a relationship
22:00with someone
22:01who's even more
22:02self-centered than I am.
22:04I have a feeling
22:05I'm not going to be able
22:06to get my way
22:07as often as I used to.
22:08You hear that, Edie?
22:09You took out the chance.
22:12Well,
22:13thanks for staying
22:14with him, Eldon.
22:16I'm going to call
22:17the nanny agency tomorrow.
22:18You know,
22:19if I may just interject there,
22:21Avery and I
22:22have something
22:23we'd like to discuss
22:23with you along those lines.
22:26Avery,
22:26should I go first?
22:28Okay.
22:29Well,
22:31you know,
22:31since you've been
22:32going through
22:32a lot of nannies
22:33in the past few months
22:34and,
22:35well,
22:36metaphorically speaking,
22:38the streets of Washington
22:39are strewn
22:40with nanny carcasses.
22:41Now,
22:43this being the case
22:44and seeings is,
22:47well,
22:47I'm doing most
22:48of the work anyway.
22:49Well,
22:50it's...
22:51Eldon,
22:51what is it you're saying?
22:54Are you saying
22:55you want to be the nanny?
22:56You know,
22:57I really prefer
22:58maybe if we could
22:59come up with
22:59a different term.
23:01Maybe,
23:02uh,
23:02juvenile mentor.
23:03A mentor.
23:06Physical,
23:07spiritual,
23:07and aesthetic advisor.
23:08Maybe just the big guy.
23:14But why?
23:15I seem to remember
23:17you turning down
23:17a free goldfish once
23:19because you were afraid
23:20the responsibility
23:20would interfere
23:21with your painting.
23:22Don't see?
23:23As I see it,
23:24great artists,
23:26really great artists,
23:27do their best work
23:28in the face
23:29of a major obstacle.
23:31Caravaggio was broke.
23:33Van Gogh was nuts.
23:36Michelangelo
23:36had the Pope
23:38hammering him
23:39for a deadline.
23:41So,
23:41thinking about it,
23:43I mean,
23:43maybe,
23:44maybe I need
23:45an obstacle.
23:46I mean,
23:47let's face it,
23:47a new baby
23:48makes a pushy Pope
23:49seem like a cakewalk.
23:53And that's the only
23:54reason you want
23:54to do this, huh?
23:58Hey, okay.
24:00You know what?
24:01The same reason
24:02you came home early,
24:03that's the reason
24:04I want to do this.
24:06Fair enough.
24:07But just so I understand,
24:11how long are we
24:11talking about here?
24:13What?
24:14Hey,
24:15I'm an artist.
24:16I don't think
24:16in linear concepts
24:17like,
24:18like time.
24:19Tell me about it.
24:20Look at this house.
24:21Look at this house.
24:22Do you see
24:23any unmitered corners?
24:24Do you see
24:25any visible
24:25tape joint seams?
24:27I don't think so.
24:29Well,
24:29let me tell you,
24:30I will do no less
24:31for this guy.
24:34And I will stay
24:35right here
24:36until the work
24:38is done.
24:41Okay?
24:43Okay.
24:47Did you hear that,
24:48Avery?
24:48We are now
24:51officially
24:51a threesome.
24:54Yeah,
24:55it's us.
24:57Just your
24:57typical
24:58American family.
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