Mrs. Khan In Conversation With Mr. Khan

Brut India

How to keep the sparks flying in a long-term relationship… Saif Ali Khan shared these secrets with Kareena Kapoor Khan in the 104.8 Ishq FM show, What Women Want.

Transcript

00:00Saif, what is one thing that people should always do in a marriage?

00:08Like, you know, to keep the spark alive.

00:10Role play.

00:17So many marriages have gender defined roles, Saifu.

00:20How important is it to define roles in a marriage?

00:23I mean, I guess it ends up happening, you know.

00:25Ideally, I know lots of people are very happy living by themselves.

00:28But people who have chosen to share life with a partner, you know, you tend to find roles.

00:35People say you marry somebody who you can't be, you know.

00:38So, the next closest thing to having that in your life is to marry it.

00:42So, I think roles are kind of defined somehow.

00:45You find that, at least in our case, I mean, you find that there are certain things that, you know,

00:50you're so much better organized at doing.

00:52And there are certain things that, you know, maybe I could add some value to.

00:57So, it kind of, it works out like that.

01:00Yeah, of course, where you're completely disorganized and no form of time management whatsoever.

01:05But that's fine. We'll get on to the next question.

01:07Otherwise, we'll be just talking about what we can do.

01:10So, jab baat responsibility sharing ki aati hai, toh I think the audience would like to know,

01:14kya hamare marriage mein koi roles defined hai?

01:17So, why don't you start and then I can pitch in.

01:19I guess so. I mean, I'm thinking of holidays for a start, you know.

01:23Ki, I mean, the kind of planning and the ticketing and the execution.

01:29So, I'm in charge of travel.

01:30Travel and administration.

01:33So, I'm doing all the dirty work. What are you doing?

01:36You know, going on holiday.

01:39Exactly. So, then that's it. Okay.

01:42I don't think there are any roles defined. I think, if I may say.

01:47Because I think sometimes when I'm working, you're at home with Taimur.

01:51And when, like, you're working, when you did Laal Kaptaan, if I may say,

01:55I think that was a patch where you were away for a long time.

01:58So, you can, you know, talk about that.

01:59Yeah, absolutely. Sharing, I mean, sharing responsibilities, but also,

02:03I think, I remember Rani Mukherjee told me once, when we just started dating, you and I,

02:09because I don't think I'd ever been out with a working actress before, you know, in that sense.

02:15So, she said, just behave like you're, you know, you're in a relationship with a man.

02:20So, I know what she meant. She meant that don't get into the gender of it.

02:25Treat it with, like, an equal, like, you've got two heroes in the house,

02:29two people working and two people, and then you'll have no problems.

02:33And I think she's absolutely right. So, generally, you're quite, you're a bit more organized.

02:37Your time management's amazing.

02:39Time management.

02:40So, I really respect that. So, I always leave it to you.

02:42Okay, so, great. So, now everyone knows that it's all me.

02:45Yeah.

02:46And all my management skills, right?

02:48Yes, yes.

02:49Saifu, obviously, all our fans, as you know, always say that we're couple goals,

02:53and we're like the perfect couple, and everyone is like, oh God, we want to be like Saif and Bebo.

02:58So, what do you have to say to, you know, people who kind of idolize us?

03:03Well, I think idolizing is a dangerous thing, generally, you know.

03:06I think people should be respected for what they are known for.

03:10I mean, you can respect someone for being a nice actor.

03:13You can respect the idea of a relationship, perhaps, or appreciate some things.

03:16But idolize is a really strong word, because I don't think people really know,

03:20I mean, we're just like normal people, what goes into a relationship.

03:24If you're going to idolize someone more than movie stars, sometimes,

03:28you should probably idolize the non-famous person next door, you know,

03:32who's managed to send his kids to school happily.

03:34Yeah, somebody like who's, yeah, simple.

03:36Balanced middle class life is also worthy of adulation in that sense.

03:41Not just celebrities.

03:42But unfortunately, we only know really celebrities when we want to give examples.

03:46And generally, I think the life of a celebrity in a relationship can be quite tough.

03:50Like, when we started going out also, I mean, it can be quite insecure.

03:53You don't know, I mean, you're working with attractive people,

03:57and you're, you know, traveling the world and going all over the place.

04:00So, to maintain a healthy relationship in those circumstances is sometimes a little hard.

04:05And anyone who's managed to do it with grace is worthy of respect.

04:09So, there's lots of celebrity couples, I think, that have done it really well.

04:13So, which couple, according to you, is like acing marriage right now?

04:16Well, again, acing marriage, I mean, who knows?

04:18I mean, you look like you're acing marriage and you might not be.

04:21That's also an art.

04:23Yeah, but I like Virat and Anushka. I think they look really nicely balanced together.

04:30So, you know, they seem happy and maybe it's because, you know, my parents had a similar balance.

04:38That I kind of appreciate that. Like a movie star and a cricketer.

04:42Different worlds.

04:44But why aren't you saying that we're also acing marriage?

04:46Not just Virat and Anushka.

04:49It's not good to praise yourself.

04:51No, but it's okay. We're at least setting some kind of goals, I think, in some way.

04:58But it shouldn't be seen. Perhaps, that's why.

05:00What, according to you, should be that one mistake that should never be done in a marriage?

05:05Well, I mean, you know, broadly speaking, disrespect.

05:08But, you know, very specifically, you know, don't be unfaithful.

05:12That's pretty much a relationship destroyer.

05:14Don't attack the maid.

05:16That'd be rule number one, I'd say.

05:19It's been known to happen, apparently.

05:22Oh, God!

05:23Saif, what's that one thing that people should always do in a marriage?

05:28Like, you know, to keep the spark alive.

05:30Role play.

05:34Okay, I'm joking.

05:35Actually, our show is, we've spoken about every possible topic on this show.

05:39So, I guess it's fine.

05:40If you have slightly different things to do also, you know,

05:42if there's a little bit of freshness when you meet at the end of a day

05:45or after a couple of days, if you have some new ideas to swap.

05:49So, I think repetition and a mundane kind of existence

05:52is what is a bit worrying for everybody.

05:55Because, you know, any long-term relationship can get a bit repetitive.

05:58So, you're saying it's so…

05:59I'm saying it's really…

06:00It's space.

06:01So, it's not space as much as different interests.

06:03Also, I think you should not be too pressured about keeping the spark alive.

06:08It's a really scary thing.

06:09Yeah.

06:10You have to keep the spark alive.

06:11There is, like, too much pressure.

06:12Like Woody Allen said, you know, he said,

06:14I can't keep up the same level of charm for ten years.

06:16I'll have a heart attack.

06:18So, sometimes, you know, it's okay.

06:20You've got to find ways to keep your own spark alive.

06:22But, like, you always say that you keep saying that we should go out for dinner

06:25and then, like, come home.

06:26No, of course, there's basic things.

06:27And I'm, like, really tired.

06:28And I'm, like, no, okay.

06:29So, a little bit of an effort.

06:30Laziness is a villain generally in life, you know.

06:34If you can…

06:35And people say love also is a verb.

06:37It's something that, you know, has to be shown and practiced.

06:40Like, if you don't feel like it,

06:41and you go and pick someone up from the airport once in a while,

06:44you know, it just makes things…

06:46A little nicer.

06:47So, then, you should do that as well.

06:48Yeah, I know.

06:50So, clearly, you're not keeping a spark alive.

06:52Don't get me on this show.

06:53You're not coming to pick someone up from the airport.

06:55I'll be exposed.

06:56It's been eleven years.

06:57You haven't bothered doing it.

06:58I picked you up once because your mother called and said

07:00that there's trouble in London or something.

07:02But that was, like, I think, that was also ten years ago.

07:05It wasn't that long ago.

07:06It was about three years ago.

07:07No, I don't think so.

07:08People have compared marriage to, like, a base camp, you know.

07:13And if you want to climb mountains,

07:14you need a good base camp before you can climb a mountain.

07:17But if you spend all your time climbing mountains,

07:19there'll be no base camp left.

07:20But that's an amazing thing.

07:22If you can balance those things, I mean, that's the way to do it.

07:25And I think you do that.

07:26I mean, I think we both do that.

07:27Yeah.

07:28And it's important.

07:29Everyone learns from their parents' marriage, Saif.

07:30What have you learned from Amma and Abba's marriage?

07:33Well, the fact that you can be really different in your interests

07:37and career choices and passions,

07:41and at the same time have a really healthy relationship about

07:45and be together and be, you know, committed to each other

07:49and absorb each other's kind of lives.

07:53I don't know how much he absorbed about films.

07:55But he was very happy to support her.

07:59And we never really talked too much about cricket at the dining table.

08:03We didn't talk about films too much.

08:04Talked about the real world and normal friends would come over

08:10and they would talk about things that were happening

08:13and just normal kind of conversations.

08:15So I think the main thing I learned is to respect your partner's life

08:21without trying to take it over.

08:23And also, you know, how they found interests that they shared.

08:28Look, it's about respecting each other.

08:30And there are no such things as gender roles.

08:32Like you did this film, Ki and Ka. It's fine.

08:34I mean, as long as the house is running and it's running decently,

08:38I mean, well, and kids are being nourished in a loving environment,

08:41it doesn't matter who does what or how it's done.

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