00:00I was in a very dark space. I don't regard myself as a superhero or a successful person's
00:07wife or a failure's wife. I am Ayushman's wife. The house was being run by me. So, in terms of money.
00:17Hi, I'm Tara Kashyap Khurana for Brute India.
00:20The 10 years before a few years, I was in a very dark space. And the space was just
00:33growing bigger and bigger because I was feeding it all the more. And I felt very lost as a person.
00:39I doubted every single person's intention. I didn't have love for myself and I had very little
00:45love to share with other people. So, it was got to do with my own struggles. And who bears
00:53the wrath, the grunt, it's always your closest. So, whether my kids were too small, it was my
01:00parents and it was my husband. I understood a whole lot about myself, about our relationship
01:06and about the concept of human revolution, which is that we are meant to evolve, we are meant to
01:12progress and then we meant to change. So, yeah, we are in a very happy, sweet space. And I'm sure
01:19a lot of couples go through their own sort of struggles. This was my struggle. I don't know how
01:30to see my husband as being kept at some pedestal because we have a very, very long association.
01:41We have been together since high school. We have been together through a period where
01:48when we got jobs, I was running a business and I was earning more.
01:53I also remember a phase where the house was being run by me. So, in terms of money. And
02:02we guys supported each other. So, I don't know, neither at that time did I demean him and neither
02:07today do I put him on a pedestal. And I don't regard myself as a superhero or a successful
02:16person's wife or a failure's wife. I am Ayushman's wife and I'll always be that. I would want to be
02:23that irrespective of how the world perceives him. Today, he's doing well. God forbid, if it doesn't
02:29go well, how will I address myself? So, it's always going to be my association with him because that's
02:35how it's always been. I always found solace, happiness whenever I took to writing. When I was
02:48a kid, I always had a secret sort of a diary. My mom had bought me and had a small lock and a key.
02:52And I used to... I didn't realize that I was choosing writing over many things. And that
02:58writing was my calling. But as you grow up, you feel some dreams can't come true. I have a lot
03:04of self-doubts. I think I dabbled in around 8 to 10 jobs. And I did well in all of them. But the
03:11moment I used to get a sort of a bonus or a promotion or something, that's the day I used to
03:16give in my resignation. My parents thought I'm eccentric. I'm very silly because here I'm being
03:21awarded for something and rewarded. And in return, I'm putting in my resignation. But I did not find
03:28happiness in all those jobs that I did. And even to cope up with that dejection, I used to write.
03:36I belong to a middle-class family. And I know that right after my post-graduation, I need to
03:41make money. That's how I have to sustain in life. And so, I was just driven by that need.
03:51But of course, when your dreams and your happiness are not accounted for, you don't address what
03:57gives you happiness. I follow Nichiren's Buddhism. I chant. And the day I was introduced, I was in
04:09a very dark space. Honestly speaking, I was not a very, very happy person. In fact, I used to put
04:14up a facade of being very happy, very contented, whereas I was just the opposite. I was just going
04:18down with every passing year. So that the dark period lasted for around 10 years. And that's not
04:24a small time because if you're in a dark space all these 10 years, it consumes you at some level
04:30or the other. And it was. So that's the time Nichiren's Buddhism came across my life. And I
04:36thought, okay, let me just take this one thing off. And again, blame God and everybody and my parents for
04:42me being unhappy. That's the time when a third person who was not related to me at all,
04:50who didn't even know me, reposed faith in me. Because the faith was being reposed in human
04:57potential. It was not because Tahira can do this. And I felt so empowered that another person who
05:02has no association with me has hopes from me. Am I that significant? Can I contribute something to
05:08my own life? Forget about society and the world. That's the day she told me that please dream and
05:15dream big. And you're meant to be happy.
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