00:00These are days that I fucking hate being a model.
00:03Welcome to my new series, times when modeling has sucked.
00:06Number one, professional full-time models aren't offered healthcare.
00:10At the end of the day, we're really just clothing hangers with no basic human needs.
00:13Fuck the modeling industry.
00:20I started out as a size 0-2, doing editorial and runway, and now I'm a size 4-6.
00:30And I'm shit on every day because I'm not a skeleton and I'm not unhealthy anymore.
00:38A series where I disclose times I've been attacked, times I've been assaulted, times I've been harassed.
00:42My very first shoot in the modeling industry, I was kind of introduced to drugs.
00:49I began modeling when I was 15, and I was scouted by my mother agency.
00:55When I very first started modeling, I remember my agent told me that I was perfect, but my legs were a little too muscular.
01:05After the initial ego trip of, you know, being told,
01:10oh, you're so beautiful, we want to sign you with our agency.
01:13That's when, you know, the roller coaster is at its top.
01:17And then, oh, but you need to lose weight, you need to grow a little bit more.
01:21It just starts kind of declining, and then it'll go back up when you book a job,
01:26then it'll go back down when another client says, no, she's not thin enough, she's not tall enough, she's not this, she's not that.
01:33I personally know almost no models who have never been pressured in one way or another to change their body.
01:42And that goes for straight size fashion models, and that also goes for other size models.
01:47Your perception of yourself is constantly being twisted and changed,
01:51and you think, oh, wow, I'm so wanted, and then the next day, it's, I'm so ugly, I'm so disgusting,
01:58I need to lose five pounds, I need to stop eating.
02:02It's the worst thing that can happen to your brain as a teenager.
02:08My stomach? What is wrong with it?
02:11They said you're not waify enough, like, we want to see your bones.
02:15I think this is affecting me mentally, like long-term shit, it's gonna fuck with me.
02:22I've been told to do cocaine to lose weight by my agent.
02:26I've been told weekly. I've been under a lot of pressure to lose weight by my agencies.
02:29I developed PTSD. I've been told whilst I was underage to just have lots of sex to lose weight.
02:45I lost my period. Like, I'm literally thin. I'm literally small. And I'm not good enough. I'm too big.
02:59I've been recommended this diet three different times throughout my modeling career.
03:03Egg whites in the morning, and Halo Top in the evening, and that's it.
03:07I myself have suffered from bulimia, and the thing is, it is virtually impossible not to,
03:15because you're always being critiqued.
03:17The one time I was told that I looked really good was when I was extremely underweight at 5'8", 103 pounds.
03:26And that's when they were like, oh, you look amazing.
03:30At the exact same time, my hair was falling out.
03:33My skin was starting to flake off because I wasn't having the nutrients I needed. I was throwing up.
03:41I think what hurts me the most about it is that so many models are hurting so bad on the inside,
03:48and they are portraying this image that is supposed to be the ideal or perfect.
03:55And that is affecting so many more people than just the person on the other side of the image.
04:01No.
04:02Um, ooh.
04:05Yeah, that's the one.
04:08Two times I did post-topless. I think I was 16, and then another time I was 17.
04:14When you're in the moment of at a photo shoot, and photographers or stylists are just kind of barking these orders at you,
04:20like, oh, yeah, yeah, just take the time off.
04:22And you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, just take the time off.
04:24And you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, just take the time off.
04:26Men or women, people who are predators, know how to find loopholes.
04:31And so a very, very common loophole is finding a new model who has not been in the industry for very long.
04:41And so they're like, oh, I'm a model. I'm a model. I'm a model.
04:46And so they're like, oh, I'm a model. I'm a model. I'm a model.
04:49And so they're like, oh, I'm a model. I'm a model. I'm a model.
04:53...who has not been in the industry for very long and will do anything to shoot with a good photographer,
05:02get good photos, build their portfolio, find opportunities.
05:06And these photographers know this. And they'll promise them the world and then they'll take advantage of them.
05:12C'est très inquiétant de savoir qu'il y a des photos de moi, sous-âge, naquée,
05:19où mes pièces privées sont à l'écran.
05:22J'ai eu quelques gens qui m'ont demandé pourquoi je parle maintenant de l'industrie de la mode,
05:26pourquoi je n'ai pas parlé plus tôt.
05:27Il y a toujours cette peur que ça va endommager leur carrière.
05:33Une autre chose qui s'est passée, c'est qu'ils ont fait que leurs modèles signent des NDA,
05:39jusqu'à ce qu'ils ne puissent pas légalement en parler.
05:42Si une marque ne veut pas travailler avec moi,
05:44ou si un photographe ne veut pas travailler avec moi,
05:46parce que je poste comment ne pas être exploité ou blessé dans l'industrie,
05:54ou comment rester en santé, ou des choses comme ça,
05:57alors je ne veux pas travailler avec eux non plus.
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