Rewriting love’s age rules

Brut India

He was asked why he married a woman of his "mother's age," while her family didn’t approve of their love. This is how Nikhil and Geeta’s love challenged assumptions.

Transcript

00:00People say that I'm marrying an old woman, I'm marrying an auntie, I'm of my mom's age, at least have some respect.

00:06And they ask me, oh my god, you're in your 60s, in your 60s, how do you do physical intimacy and sex?

00:13I'm 40.

00:14I'm 16.

00:15And we both are married.

00:16Since last 4 years.

00:21My name is Nikhil Doshi.

00:23And my name is Geeta.

00:25I grew up in India.

00:27Graduated from school.

00:29Then I got married.

00:30And we were from a middle class family.

00:33Both of our families.

00:35My first husband and my family.

00:37And we got married well.

00:40Our 22 years went really well.

00:44Then my ex thought, let's go to Canada.

00:48So I was feeling a little bad.

00:51But still, at that time, the atmosphere of 87-90 was like, no, no.

00:57The husband says yes, we have to say yes.

00:59So after 22 years, suddenly, I mean, there was a little change in my ex.

01:06He started going away alone for training.

01:10And he always used to say, I need a space.

01:12I mean, we had such a good bonding, such a good pararelation.

01:16Suddenly, the distances started increasing.

01:18One year Diwali came.

01:20And on Diwali, my ex left the house.

01:23Then I called the police.

01:26So then the police called me in half an hour.

01:29And said, no, no, he is safe.

01:31He is safe, but he doesn't want to come home.

01:33Then the next day, I was crying again and again.

01:35I was keeping voice messages on my ex's phone.

01:38Then he suddenly came the next day.

01:40Then I held his hand and said, no, I won't let go of this hand now.

01:44No matter what happens.

01:45Then he said, look, she will do this.

01:47So I will call the police.

01:49I said, call the police, call anything.

01:51Even if you go to jail, there is no tension.

01:53But I won't let go of your hand now.

01:55So he said, okay, okay, let go of your hand.

01:58Now I won't go anywhere, I will stay here.

02:00Later, those six months were so beautiful.

02:03So beautiful, like before.

02:05My ex said, let's go back to India now.

02:08In the meantime, my niece Radhika Jagta came to our house.

02:13And said, where do you sit in this cement building?

02:17Come with me for a vaccination drive.

02:20Then I went with her.

02:21And after that, I was standing there.

02:24In the meantime, Nikhil came to me.

02:26This is January 16, 2016.

02:30In 2015, my ex left me.

02:32And now Nikhil, you tell me.

02:34So I approached him.

02:36And I asked, are you Geeta?

02:38Who posts on Facebook, mostly political related.

02:41So he didn't say anything to me.

02:43But later I told him.

02:45I showed him his ID.

02:47So he said, yes, yes, it's me.

02:49We had a common WhatsApp group.

02:51So I got his number from there.

02:53Geeta's.

02:54And then I started talking to him every day.

02:57In the beginning, I used to do it once every two months.

03:01But later, gradually, I got used to it.

03:03Later, once a week.

03:05How is Canada?

03:07What do I do when I go to visit?

03:09How is it for a visa?

03:11He used to ask me all this.

03:13We talked for 6-7 months.

03:15After that, June came.

03:17In June, my ex called me and said,

03:19I want to be separated.

03:212016.

03:23This is in June.

03:25When I signed the divorce papers.

03:27And for about a month and a half,

03:29around August,

03:31he came.

03:33He got a divorce.

03:35He got an email.

03:37He got a judgmental copy.

03:39He sent a photo of both of us.

03:41My ex and a Filipino lady.

03:43Both of us.

03:45A photo together.

03:47I saw this photo.

03:49He had written below.

03:51I am going to marry this lady next month.

03:53That's when I understood.

03:55These 5-7 years.

03:57Which I went through with pain.

03:59And the distance between us.

04:01He had kept away from me.

04:03Maybe that was the reason.

04:05I was unconscious many times.

04:07I was not in my senses.

04:09And after that,

04:11I saw so many doctors.

04:13I was fainting a lot.

04:15But seeing all that,

04:17Nikhil started calling me every day.

04:19For 3 years,

04:21I kept hearing about his past life.

04:23He kept talking about the same things.

04:25About the same journey for 28 years.

04:27I used to call him every night.

04:29Then suddenly,

04:31he left my slip of tongue.

04:33Like, Geeta, leave all this.

04:35Will you marry me or not?

04:37So,

04:39I paused.

04:41And he hung up.

04:43I thought,

04:45is he also like this?

04:47Are all gents like this?

04:49He has such thoughts.

04:51That's when I told Geeta.

04:53Sorry, it's my fault.

04:55I don't know what I said.

04:57I don't know how it came to my feelings.

04:59He told me,

05:01Nikhil, you are a good person.

05:03But there is an age gap.

05:05In between,

05:07I registered him on the matrimonial site.

05:09I was his niece.

05:11That's when you came.

05:13Yes, that's when I came.

05:15At that time,

05:17I was shocked.

05:19His parents were also there.

05:21I told them,

05:23whatever you are doing,

05:25no one can understand

05:27Geeta better than me.

05:29I have been talking to her on the phone for so many years.

05:31I can understand her.

05:33It's better if you get her married to me.

05:35Her family was shocked.

05:37They asked,

05:39are you crazy?

05:41Don't you understand the age gap?

05:43My brother also told her,

05:45Geeta is only 10 years old.

05:49She will look old.

05:51That's when you won't like her.

05:53You will go with someone else.

05:55This keeps happening.

05:57My sister is sad

05:59because of her age.

06:01Who else will take care of her?

06:05I told them,

06:07I am in front of you.

06:09If I do something to her,

06:11you will kill me.

06:15They were not convinced.

06:17But I started loving Geeta a lot.

06:19One day,

06:21her mother told me,

06:23leave all this.

06:25If Geeta gets married,

06:27she will come to your house.

06:29Are your family ready?

06:31I told my parents,

06:33Geeta is only 10 years old.

06:39Everyone was shocked.

06:43My mother started shouting at me.

06:45My brother was also there.

06:47He told me,

06:49Nikhil,

06:51should I call her aunt or sister-in-law?

06:53After a few days,

06:55I convinced my father.

06:57I told him to meet Geeta only once.

06:59My mother asked him to come to another room.

07:01I asked her what happened.

07:03She said,

07:05we will show him good proposals.

07:09He might get married.

07:11Until then,

07:13keep some distance from him.

07:15Don't talk like friends.

07:17My friends and cousins

07:19called me and tried to explain.

07:21What are you doing?

07:23I told them,

07:25I don't know.

07:27But I am happy with Geeta.

07:29One day,

07:31I decided to leave the house.

07:33I told them,

07:35whatever you are doing,

07:37is wrong.

07:39I like Geeta.

07:41Instead of keeping distance from her,

07:43try to keep some distance.

07:45Until then,

07:47my brother,

07:49my father,

07:51hugged me and said,

07:53let it go.

07:55I accept your love.

07:57I went to his house.

07:59I told him,

08:01Geeta,

08:03will you marry me or not?

08:05Tell me once.

08:07Whatever is in your mind,

08:09tell me.

08:11If you are not going to marry me,

08:13then say no.

08:15I came to his house for the last time.

08:17I will never come again.

08:19I told him,

08:21I will never come again.

08:23As a friend,

08:25I never wanted to lose him.

08:27I told him,

08:29I will marry you.

08:31I forgot my parents.

08:33My parents looked at me

08:35and asked,

08:37why are you saying

08:39that you will marry me?

08:41I thought,

08:43let it be 2, 3, 4, 5 years.

08:45As long as we are destined.

08:47Now,

08:49it has been 4 years.

08:51I am very happy.

08:53We got married on 11th December 2020.

08:55When my parents met us,

08:57they were very happy.

08:59Whenever my parents take me,

09:01they say that

09:03Geeta is their daughter-in-law.

09:05I like it very much.

09:07We both want to say

09:09that if you both have bonding,

09:11trust,

09:13true love,

09:15it doesn't matter.

09:17Age is just a number.

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