Let’s talk about the pressure of getting married

"I got married at 41." #DearSociety, marrying late might not be the big deal you think it is.

Transcript

00:00Dear society, I got married at 41 and it was the best decision I've ever taken.

00:04I wanted to be with the right partner so I did not intentionally want to get married at 41.

00:11Of course I wish it happened at 28 and 32 like other people but that was my journey.

00:16I started to see guys at 23 and I was meeting a lot of different proposals that my parents

00:23were finding for me and whatever agencies and all of that. There were a lot of things about

00:29my own life that were kind of pointed finger at like, oh beta why are you wearing these clothes

00:34and going out on the weekend and do you think that marriage material girls go out till 1am,

00:39do you think that they wear these kind of clothes, oh that friend of yours is going to come to pick

00:43you up, you know we know him for years but what will other people think, all of these things are

00:48not working for you. Even though I was doing so well in my career, I was getting featured in

00:52newspapers, magazines, all of that was you know kept on one side. In fact even that became a red

00:59flag, you know you're so accomplished, you know guys find this intimidating, you know you just

01:04played a little dumb and you know what I started to do that. One guy is like looking at my so-called

01:09bio data resume and saying, so you work in advertising, it might be long working hours.

01:15He didn't take a moment to ask me, hey are you happy in what you're doing, is this what

01:20gives you joy, is this what you really want to do with your life, nothing. He was just interested

01:24in figuring out, is this person going to be you know a homely person, is she going to be

01:30able to be a homemaker, when both of that could have come together. I remember one guy like this

01:35was in my early 30s and he was accomplished, he had like studied in the best universities in America

01:42and he kind of you know asked me, so where all have you traveled and I gave this whole list so

01:47proudly because I traveled all these places with my own income, with my own money which I'm so proud

01:54of. It's like oh that's masculine energy, I'm like how is that masculine energy. He said no but you

02:00know because when a guy comes in, he's not going to be able to show you all these different places

02:05because you've been in all the places, so that is of course masculine energy because you don't need

02:09a guy. An aunt would come home and said to my mom and now you should forget only about her getting

02:14married, her you know her age is gone. Even if she has to look for a guy, it should be you know

02:20someone, she'll get somebody who has, who already has a child. I mean I don't even think that's a

02:26that's a red flag if there is a guy who's divorced or who has a kid but this is how society is, this

02:32is how they tell women things which make them constantly question themselves. Subconsciously

02:39it started to kind of chip my self-worth, lower my self-confidence and I was like oh is something

02:45wrong with me. I was always thinking of society, validation from society. They you know wanted you

02:52know very submissive women, so I burned the checklist and I said you know what I'm going to

02:56focus on those three values that I really want and my values were freedom, integrity and respect

03:02because I knew that if I had that with a guy, we could build a beautiful foundation and that's how

03:07I attracted that person on an online dating app. Yes, I attracted my life partner who is probably

03:15one of my most beautiful biggest manifestation and when I put up this post recently on my Instagram,

03:22I got trolled a lot. Oh what about your account and I would go visit fertility centers and this

03:27is all bullshit and you know what you have to marry at the right time but nobody's asking.

03:31That guys, you can have great, healthy, mentally, emotionally, physically beautiful kids only when

03:38you're happy. It starts and ends with you. So marrying at 41 was one of my best decisions.