Vivek Oberoi and his past relationships

Brut India

“The bad breakups, the really toxic relationships…” Vivek Oberoi recalled how his toxic and casual relationships led him to his wife. @anasbukhash

Transcript

00:00It's funny because in the serious relationships there was so much pain and drama and in all the casual ones

00:05We say as friends. In fact, a lot of my casual girlfriends came for my wedding

00:09What did you learn about Vivek from the previous relationships before you met Priyanka?

00:31What did you learn about yourself?

00:33I think the serious relationships, each serious relationship teaches you, leaves you with something

00:45The bad breakups, the really toxic relationships teach you your patterns

00:53Teach you what you should stay away from, what you have a complex with

00:58I discovered that somewhere some of us have a hero complex

01:03Where we want to come in as this knight in shining armor and say I will take care of this for you

01:07And it could be a gesture, it could be lovely in the beginning

01:10But eventually you start to get tired, it exhausts you

01:15It exhausts you to try to live for yourself and for somebody else at the same time

01:19It's not easy to constantly be on a pedestal and try to be this hero

01:26You've suddenly created this own expectation of yourself

01:29And then you make the other person used to, if they're not manipulating you

01:36You make them used to expecting that of you

01:39And now you can't change, you can't just be normal and say hey we're both equal

01:44Let's carry the load together, that's what makes a good honest relationship

01:48Sometimes you pull harder, sometimes I pull harder but we both move forward

01:52That's something that I learned from toxic relationships, it's so important to break a pattern

01:56Each of us, if you look at all your relationships and look at your choices

01:59You'd be like I'm doing something again and again, I'm repeating something

02:03You gotta stay away from that, that's your achilles heel, you gotta know that

02:07From the good relationships, I've had some great relationships

02:10Where the theory of reason, season and lifetime applies

02:14So I believe that every romance, every relationship in your life

02:19Comes in either for a reason or a season or a lifetime

02:23You just gotta know which one is which

02:26And I know that or I read that you were skeptical about love

02:31So you were more into maybe surface level or casual relationships

02:37So you were skeptical about the idea of love but then when you met maybe Priyanka

02:42Things switched, why would a skeptical person who has a certain lifestyle

02:47When it comes to romance, what makes it switch?

02:49I'm an all or nothing guy, right?

02:52And the problem with all or nothing people, guys and girls both is

02:57You give so much, you just pour yourself in

03:01There's no filter, there's no stages, there's no holding back

03:04If it's love, it's unfettered, it's out there

03:09Love with all your heart

03:11So when you get hurt, you get hurt that much harder

03:16And that's okay, it's better to take that risk and be who you really are

03:22Than try to constantly have a mask on

03:25We do enough of that on camera

03:27To have a mask on off camera and live would be exhausting

03:31You need to just be yourself and be who you are

03:34But when I got hurt, it was difficult

03:37And I think the path that a lot of people choose to not get hurt again

03:43Is to try and not be who they are and try and be superficial

03:47And say, oh if I don't get deep, it's not gonna hurt

03:51So let me just mess around, let me set the tone to just mess around

03:55It started out as a phenomenal fun role because it was suddenly light

03:59There was no intensity, there was no stress, there was no commitment

04:04It was amazing, in the beginning it was awesome

04:07I was like, I'm playing field man, this is cool

04:10You get out your flirtatious best, you're on rhythm, you're on song

04:14You're being able to, it's a big ego kick

04:17That you smile at a girl and you know your game

04:20And you know that you're gonna win this game

04:22And it's an amazing thing

04:24I was just careful about one thing that I was never dishonest

04:27Never said something that I didn't mean

04:30Like I wouldn't go and commit to somebody

04:32And then play the field

04:34I'd be very honest, straight up saying that

04:36Listen, I'm not looking for anything serious, nothing emotional

04:39Just fun, right?

04:41I tried always to be a gentleman, never to hurt anybody

04:44It was funny because in the serious relationships

04:46There was so much pain and drama

04:48And in all the casual ones, we say as friends

04:50In fact, a lot of my casual girlfriends came to my wedding

04:54And spoke to my wife and I invited them

04:56It was so much fun because they became friends

04:58As I moved on, they became friends

05:01There was no bitterness

05:02But then, I remember Goa

05:062009

05:0931st December

05:11Just met this international model

05:13I'm having fun

05:16It's four days of, you know, just

05:19Non-committal relationship that we just met

05:21At this festival, the music festival

05:23Started hanging out

05:2531st morning

05:27Not morning, maybe 2 or 3 in the afternoon

05:30Had the party, had a lot of fun

05:33Woke up really late

05:35And for a minute

05:37I couldn't remember her name

05:39I was trying to tell her, let's get up, let's go

05:41I'm really hungry, let's go eat something

05:43But I couldn't remember her name

05:45I've been with this person for four days

05:47We've been romantically involved

05:49And I don't remember the name

05:51Oh my God, it scared the hell out of me

05:54I was like, who am I becoming?

05:56What is this?

05:57I got up, took a shower, changed up

06:00Walked straight on to the beach

06:0231st, everybody's like

06:04Either going to a party or

06:06Beach is empty

06:08This is North Goa

06:09I'm standing on the beach, looking at the ocean

06:11And I feel so alone

06:13I feel so low

06:15And it's not me to feel low

06:16It's not me to feel depressed

06:18I feel so low

06:20I feel so empty

06:21Tears start rolling down my eyes

06:23I walk into the ocean

06:26And I'm just like talking to the ocean

06:27I'm like, just take this away

06:29Whatever this is that I'm feeling

06:30Just take this away

06:31I'm done with this

06:32And it was so weird

06:34Because the sun was setting in front of me

06:37The moon was rising behind

06:39I'm on an almost empty beach

06:40I can hear distant sound of

06:43Sound checks and parties being setting up

06:46Because this is at 6, 6.30 in the evening

06:486ish in the evening

06:49And the night party sound checks have already started

06:51On the beachfront hotels

06:52I'm on this desolate piece of beach

06:54Just by myself

06:55Staring into nothing but the horizon

06:58And there was this epiphany in that moment

07:00I felt like, I'm done

07:02I went back

07:04I was very nice to the girl

07:05And I was like, I'm done

07:07I have to make space for something real

07:11If I don't empty out the meaningless stuff

07:15The fun

07:16Nothing real is going to come

07:17First morning

07:19I go onto my phone

07:21I send messages to all the casual relationships

07:23Saying, Happy New Year

07:25This is a change I'm trying to make

07:26Help me with it

07:27Don't send me flirty pictures

07:29Don't send me flirty messages

07:30I'm out of the game, right?

07:32And I sent them

07:33They were like, hold on

07:34Did you find somebody?

07:35Did something happen?

07:36I was like, no

07:37I'm just detoxing

07:38I'm just like removing all of this from my life

07:40I want to see if I can do this

07:42Can I be without this game?

07:44Or am I addicted to it?

07:46I start there on the 1st of January

07:48And on the 4th of July, 2010

07:516 months-ish later

07:53I meet Priyanka

07:55The universe just says, okay

07:57You're ready

07:59Here's something real

08:0113 years, knock on wood

08:03Haven't had a moment of regret

08:06It's an amazing feeling to feel that

08:09We have our arguments

08:10We have our fights

08:11We are passionate about each other

08:13But not a moment of regret

08:14Not a moment even in my quietude

08:16When I'm sitting by myself thinking

08:18What if I'd married someone else?

08:20No, I can't imagine life without her

08:22And that's an incredible feeling

08:24To have that sense of sureness

Category

Transcript

Be the first to comment

Recommended