00:00This is Max Timberlake.
00:29He was just 17 years old when he took his own life.
00:35His family still have no idea why and say they'd give anything to go back three years
00:40to that day and change his mind.
00:44His mum Michelle says those 17 years with her Maxi in Sandwich were the best of her
00:50life, since she's worn a smile with pride in memory of her boy, but sometimes hiding
00:56that pain of never quite knowing why he chose to say goodbye.
01:02Now she's sharing what it's like to have lost her only child by suicide and how life looks
01:08after Max.
01:11It's a fact, it's happened, I can't change that, I can't undo it, but what I can do is
01:15hopefully educate people to be more open minded, to, you know what, listen, to talk to people
01:21because did I ever think I'd be in this situation, not in a million years, not in a million years
01:26I had this perfect life, and then it went.
01:29Stop singing.
01:32Keep singing it.
01:33I, I have no one.
01:34I have nothing.
01:35What are you walking by?
01:36No one else, nothing but a girl.
01:37The price is a bit of a setback, but it's also supporting the local business, the cake
01:58does taste brilliant, I'm going to give it a 8.5 out of 10.
02:04Bless him.
02:08How do you feel when you see videos of him?
02:11It's really lovely, it's really weird, but it's painfully beautiful.
02:23Life after Max has been confusing for Michelle and her mum Pauline, here looking at the memories
02:28they surround themselves with.
02:29I believe, now do you know what, Max I think he was only 15, I'm sure he was about 14 or
02:3515 there, he looks about 40, but anyway he was very photogenic actually.
02:42Not only to the outside world, but to them he was that happy, smiley and funny young
02:47man, a huge Formula 1 fan who had just passed his driving test, had an offer to university,
02:54countless friends and found the very best of them in his mum.
02:59And she still spends a lot of time in his room.
03:02And then all his lovely, he smelt divine, he always smelt so beautiful, so I got his,
03:07it's really weird every now and again, yeah, Maxie.
03:12It brings me happiness coming in here, you know, and it's weird that I'm sitting on the
03:18bed that Max would be sitting on, on his phone to his friends or with our cat, she loved
03:23him and he loved her, but yeah, it's just a mixture of disbelief.
03:31If you don't mind, can I just chuck my little, it's my signature, yes, because he would always
03:37say you're not you without your red lipstick, so I wouldn't even put the bins out without
03:42it on.
03:43I made sure that when Maxie died, that every single day I'd wear it, every single day without
03:48fail, doesn't matter, rain, shine, whatever.
03:52By talking about Max, it's not contagious, you know, and it's really weird, you know,
03:58people don't know how to navigate around the subject of suicide, certainly I never did,
04:04I do now.
04:06I would never, could never have predicted in a million light years that Max would ever
04:14dream of taking those steps.
04:16He was, by all accounts, the most happy, happy young man with everything.
04:22This was a sudden decision.
04:24What could I do?
04:25I don't think anything would have changed Max in that moment, but I would say in that
04:30moment pick up the phone, just pick up the phone.
04:33Government figures show just last year 5,656 people died from suicide in England.
04:40More than 4,000 were male, less than 1,500 were female.
04:45Of that total, 866 people died from suicide in the South East.
04:51More than 620 were male, around 240 female.
04:57This means that nearly three quarters of all suicides in this part of England last year
05:03were committed by men.
05:05And national prevention charity Papyrus say it's the awareness Michelle is raising that
05:10will hopefully bring those numbers down and protect family members after losing a loved
05:15one so suddenly.
05:16One of the questions that we get all the time is if I ask someone about suicide, will I
05:23plant the seed?
05:24Will I sort of cause them to take their own life?
05:27We want to make it really clear that that's not the case.
05:30We know that research has been done to suggest that actually asking the question about suicide,
05:35being open about it in a sensitive manner, is actually really supportive.
05:39We know that bereavement by suicide is a risk factor for suicide, so we're really keen that
05:45if there is a suicide in a certain community, that those within that community are then
05:49made aware of the support that they can access.
05:52So again, what Michelle has done in the aftermath of such a tragic event in her own life is
05:58actually raise awareness for those around her.
06:01Back in October 2023, Michelle, with two other mothers bereaved by suicide, raised awareness
06:06for papyrus by walking 265 miles across the UK between their homes.
06:13I thought, you know what, I will use this as a positive.
06:15He was the greatest inspiration to me, always will be.
06:19My message actually to one and all is that if Maxie did it, it could happen to anyone.
06:23And that's an alarming fact.
06:24People don't want to hear that.
06:25I didn't want to hear that, but it's happened.
06:28One step at a time from Staffordshire to London to Sandwich, their trek ended at Sir Roger
06:33Manwood School, where Max spent almost half his life with his closest friends.
06:40Interestingly, all of Maxie's friends, or a lot of his friends, are still in contact.
06:47They have been the biggest support.
06:4920-year-olds, I mean, they were, what, 18 when Maxie died, you know, showed all the
06:56adults up because their behaviour was so incredibly grown up.
07:03And even if you don't know what to say, say, I don't know what to say.
07:07I'm really sorry.
07:08I'm embarrassed.
07:09I find it difficult.
07:11I don't want to hurt you.
07:13And that's easy.
07:14It's a barrier that's broken.
07:15And I think, how will any parent teach their child if they can't face something, you know?
07:27In the words of his friends, Max had an impact on pretty much the whole school, but some
07:32of his friends find it hard to talk about what happened.
07:35Many, though, stay in touch with Michelle and celebrate key milestones, like Tilly,
07:40Grace and Molly.
07:42When we all get married, when we all have kids, it's going to be, this is something
07:48we all know Max thought he wouldn't have been able to do, and we all knew he could have,
07:53and, you know, he just, he didn't find himself enough to be able to see it.
07:59Yeah.
08:00Yeah.
08:01Such a shame, isn't it?
08:03But it's, we're going to do that for him.
08:05Yeah.
08:06That's very sweet.
08:07Do you know what I mean?
08:08I think about that quite a lot, I think.
08:10He was involved in everyone, like he'd hop along and like, no matter what you do, like
08:16in the first six-foot common room, like he would do something to make sure that everyone
08:21saw it, like be it proof of alum, or be it something else that he did in the common room.
08:26But it was never show off.
08:27No, it's just him being funny and him being Max.
08:31We all sort of experienced two grief processes, because we had the grief period in school,
08:38and then we also had that after leaving, because there was an element of him still after he
08:44passed, still at that school.
08:54His friends only now can look back fondly, but it's still painful to remember Max for
08:59the seven years he was at the school.
09:01A bench with a plaque showing his time there, and a tree crowded round when Michelle finished
09:06her walk.
09:07But that same feeling of disbelief still ripples through the corridors.
09:14The thing with Max was that it was such a shock.
09:18There are some people where it wouldn't have been a shock, maybe they're ill and they've
09:22got a terminal illness or some such, but with Max it came completely and totally out of
09:26the blue.
09:27And it lasted several weeks, it wasn't just the initial, let's tell everybody, how do
09:32we tell everybody, it went on for the rest of that academic year, because he was in the
09:36upper sixth when it happened.
09:39Thank you, Chris.
09:41Max, he was a very, very happy boy here.
09:46Wow.
09:47That is stunning, isn't it?
09:50Beautiful.
09:51As soon as somebody that we are worried about goes absent, we will send an email which goes
09:57to every single member of the pastoral team, and then we will immediately phone home or
10:01go looking for them if it's during the school day.
10:04That wouldn't have helped with Max because he wasn't on our radar at all, but it is something
10:08that we're very aware of, of students, when we know that they are potentially vulnerable.
10:14To know that everyone is going to remember him, from just looking at that incredible
10:19tree that the school planted, is a really lovely feeling.
10:23Strange for me, but lovely.
10:26And it's inspired you to have your own place to remember Max too?
10:30Yes, yes it has.
10:31This is great because the school that he loved will always have this here for him.
10:38But yeah, I think it's time now to do something myself, I think, and commemorate that boy.
10:47I'm going to get upset now.
10:50Yeah.
11:16Yeah.
11:47Yeah.
11:49Yeah.
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